I thought the time was right
To ask her for a dance – she said, “Naw, that’s alright”
I played it off, walked back across the flo’
F**k that ho! Didn’t wanna see her no mo’
But about 150 pounds and 10 years later
Seen her at the grocery store
She tryin’ to holla at a player
She use to be so fine to me
Now she…fat than a motherf**ker!
- She Used to Be by Devin the Dude
The other day a simple question arose on the Twitter. It read: “@MrBrannin: So if yall were dating a chick and she started out at 150 and got to 200 yall would leave her?”
I’m no math whiz but I believe the difference between 150 and 200 is roughly 50. Therefore, I responded in the following manner:
@WisdomIsMisery: If I’m DATING a chick and she got fat (as in out of shape), regardless of weight, yes I would leave her. #YouAintMyWife @MrBrannin
Moments later, I was flooded by an onslaught of inquisitive comments, mostly from women. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal to have a reasonable expectation that the woman I’m with continue looking somewhat like the woman I originally got with. Apparently, I was mistaken.
I am superficial, but this isn’t about a preference for skinny women versus thick or fat. It is about my remaining attracted to a woman I’m dating. You cannot look me in the eye and sincerely tell me that 50 pounds would not make a difference on the frame of the average woman: good, bad or indifferent. I’ve seen women gain weight and look better. I’ve seen women lose weight and look worse *cough* Star Jones *cough*. All weight gain isn’t bad and all weight loss isn’t good.
But, “gaining weight” is like 10, 20, MAYBE 30 pounds. Fifty pounds in either direction is a transformation. We’ve all seen The Biggest Loser and pregnancy does not count, so don’t even bring that up. Thanks.
What I found interesting was the fact that people thought it was unreasonable to expect your significant other to attempt to keep looking how they looked when you met them. Well, Love may be blind but WisdomIsMisery sees 20/20. I have a simple rule: You can get out of shape when I get out of shape. That’s fair, right?
When I was young my father advised that I look at the mother of every woman I seriously dated. In his opinion, this was the best criteria to determine how a woman would look when she was that age. So far, this theory has been pretty accurate. If at all possible I ask to see a picture or meet my girlfriend’s biological mother. If she is old, haggard, and overweight, I might not leave immediately but I take note. If she has aged like a fine glass of wine circa Pam Grier,
I ask her for her number on the low low and see if she’ll make it wobble wobble for a goon I do a little happy dance inside and look forward to my wife-to-be aging in a similar manner.
Ladies, if I’m dating you – like it or not – I am physically attracted to you. If you change something about your appearance I don’t like then I am free to leave and so are you. We are only dating. Sure, your dating loyalties may be stronger than WisdomIsMisery, because I have been known to remove people from the roster for the slightest of infractions, but this is the risk you take when dating. If you plan on getting out of shape, then maybe you should have the common sense and decency to wait until we are married and I can’t chunk up the deuces at a moments notice. Besides, does obesity really occur over night? Hint: The answer is “No.”
People act like you go to sleep in shape and wake up overweight. Doubtful. I’m pretty sure there are a few numbers between 1 and 50. If I know WisdomIsMisery – and I like to think I do – he will likely say something long before you reach that fiftieth pound plateau. There is a difference between gaining weight and letting yourself go.
As such, if you gain weight to the point of no longer being physically attractive to me - and we’re only dating - I. Will. Leave. You. If we’re married, something has still got to go. I’m hoping it is the weight but…
So readers, is it unreasonable to expect the person you’re dating to stay in shape if they were in-shape versus a-shape when you first met? Would you leave someone if they gained 50 pounds or “let themselves go” while you were dating? What if you were married and your wife/husband went from sexy-flexy to fatty-flabby? Has this situation ever happened to you?
Speak your piece.
- WisdomIs “Superficial So You Best Not Get Unattractive On My Watch” Misery