I want a girl when I want a girl. And when I don’t want a girl, I want a girl that understands that. And that’s some hard sh*t to explain…
I was listenin’ to my ipod a few days ago when I heard Phonte from Little Brother (well, formerly Little Brother) spit this line on Slow It Down. I’d heard the song a few times before, but hadn’t felt inspired to write something based on it until then.
This line embodies what many men have felt over the years. Unfortunately, as Phonte indicated, it’s always been difficult to get women to understand the same thing. This may be selfish, but selfishness doesn’t negate reality. It’s actually good for you in the right dosage. Selfishness usually becomes a problem when both people wanna take their prescriptions at the same time. Somebody — usually the woman — ends up feeling the adverse effects anyway.
(I warn you now that I’m about to wander a little bit. Just think of it as organized chaos.)
Every decent dude with a decent personality doesn’t know how to (casually) date. And those dudes that don’t know how to date damn sure aren’t adept at jugglin’ multiple women beyond putting bedrooms on their calendars. What makes it tricky is that we watch some of our peers get heralded for their ability to bag and slay. We see and hear it via the media outlets. After all, isn’t that what men are supposed to do until they decide to get married? We also have a habit of taking our internal struggles and projecting them outward into the world (and on occasion into a chick which leads to all sorts of other problems) in the form of a nut. These aren’t justifications. They’re just observations that explain why a lot of people get hurt.
Some of us try to model the life we think we should be living instead of the life we’ve been given. We ignore certain details about ourselves because we think we can be better according to what a vacuum of society tells us. We do things we’re not built for, which I’ll talk about a little more below. And like I noted earlier, sometimes we’re just selfish. But when we learn who we are, we sometimes come to realizations:
Some men don’t like a ton of options. They like relationships…most of the time.
Everybody knows a guy that’s always in a relationship. He breaks up with his girlfriend of 4 years and then he’s with another chick 3 months later. That goes awry after a few months and then it’s someone else. The comfort of regular yssup is nice, but for these dudes it’s more than that. They’re terrified of being alone and not having a woman to depend on. So what do they do? They hop from relationship to relationship because they don’t know how to act without one. These types are also the most dangerous. They’ll take whatever they can get from an interim chick until they find another one to boo up.
Some men just aren’t good at following the rules.
I was telling a lady friend one day about a chick that hated my guts. It was a woman that I told early on and often that I wasn’t lookin’ for a relationship (Not the “Why wasn’t I good enough?” chick). After listenin’ to me explain how I treated her, she sighed and said “You didn’t follow the rules!”
Confusion took over my face. I’d done nothing but treat the chick well. We hung out at the crib, went out on adventures around the city, and cuddled up on occasion. I like that type of sh*t. Making women happy makes Slim happy. So for me, seeing her smile and enjoy herself while around me was enough to keep me satisfied. It didn’t need to go any further than that. And as I’ve learned the hard way, you can’t keep making a chick happy and not expect her to want more. And when I say happy here, I don’t just mean in the sheets. I mean that her life is generally better when she’s with you and her clothes are on. An orgasm ain’t nothin’ but some contractions and spillage of juices.
The inability to follow the rules doesn’t leave us with very many savory choices. We can A.) Be nonchalant and focus on just thronxing her B.) Treat her well over time and most likely hurt her when we leave or C.) become a monk. You may be thinking “What about D?!” Well, she’s gettin’ that with A. But seriously, D.) would be committing. And sometimes that’s really not an option. The bigger lesson here is that some men just aren’t built to be players or jugglers despite their credentials. Honestly, you can’t play the game if you can’t follow the rules.
Some men just want affection and companionship…when they want it.
We aren’t all coochie-hungry heathens. There are mornings when we wake up alone and wish we could feel the body heat and smell the shampoo of someone special. We want a woman there to tell us to “get out of bed and stop sleeping the day away” then jump on us when we refuse to move. We want someone to accompany us through our day and make us feel good. It’s nice to be out with a beautiful woman and get lost in conversation and playfulness. You don’t have to look to the nearest escort service to confirm this. However, affection always has a price.
But other times…
Yeah, we ain’t trying to be bothered. We want our space and the idea of having to check in with someone causes acid reflux. The summer is hot and we wanna be able to roll to the cool spot on the bed. We drop male in your box while thinking about finishing the shift and going home…to our own bed. You want us to be in the office full-time and we just wanna telecommute. And the sad part is that there’s nothing anybody can do to stop us from falling onto the more “unpleasant” side. We have to make that decision ourselves when we’re ready. This isn’t as much about maturity as it is self-awareness. And though I’m not at the point of wanting to find a woman to take a knee for, I know that I can’t continuously have the affection I sometimes crave without sacrifice. I guess I’ve gotten less selfish.
Hopefully this ramble makes sense. If it doesn’t, I tried. Looking forward to reading your thoughts in the comments. Let’s make it a good one.
Trick Leave…No! Baby stay!