He is so fearful of being labeled a bad guy by you, your family or your friends he rather mislead you than accept this title. Since he never cheats physically, he avoids drawing accusation from you and eases his own subconscious. However, he mentally and emotionally gets a head start on checking out of the relationship before you in order to make his own transition easier.
After the formal “break-up,” he will still make love to you. Sure, you told him you can handle it but you’re lying. He knows, through sex, you are trying to lure him back or at minimum, keep him around. Regardless, he still has sex with you because he places his best interests before yours.
He feasts on your emotional and physical sacrifices until he is gorged but offers you nothing of substance in return. He leaves you feeling empty. He’s honest without ever telling the truth. He doesn’t lie, but he tells you want you want to hear instead of what you need to hear. For instance, when you ask if there is a future for you in his life he gives you an ambiguous response when he knows the clear answer is no. He uses you like a pit stop between serious courtships with other women but assures you his future is with you.
He uses your hope to keep you paralyzed while he uses the fact that you’ll always be there for him to propel himself forward. You’re left waiting, often in vain, as he gives the love you long for to other women until one of those women finally becomes his wife. Even in marriage, given the chance, he continues to let you believe there may be a future for you two if things don’t work out. Deep down both of you know this day will never come because, unfortunately, you were never anything more than his back-up plan.
An excerpt from a song by Alicia Keys, Lesson Learned, summarizes the “Good Guy” experience:
You give it one more chance
Just like the time before
But he already knows you’d give a hundred more
Until that night in bed
You wake up in a sweat
You’re racing to the door
Can’t take it anymore…
5. The Man: He performs the most taken for granted act there is: He tells you the truth.
Some men will never be The Man because it is the hardest break-up. The Man doesn’t bullshit a woman. He doesn’t wait until he has a back-up relationship. He knows you are worth more than a callous text message. Out of respect, he chooses to tell you in person. He is not cruel but he doesn’t lie. If he realizes the relationship is not heading in the direction you both agreed to he tells you.
The hardest part is the responsibility. The Man must step up and end the relationship even if she thinks it can be salvaged if he knows in his heart it cannot. When things get emotionally heated – and they will – he cannot engage in the same hurtful rhetoric she uses on him. Emotion, pride, and defense may make her attack and seek to inflame the same response in him. He knows that in order for her to cope she might need to hate him temporarily or forever.
Her friends, by obligation, must take her side; make him out to be the bad guy. The Man does not manipulate her emotions to save face like The Good Guy. He puts his pride and ego aside because he realizes it’s not about him.
Even in break-up, a man does what is best for the woman even if that means putting her needs before his own. He must look into her tear-filled eyes and continue to tell the truth. If there is no future for the relationship when she asks, he responds “No” and does not waver. He doesn’t encourage false hope. The Man realizes that just because she will settle for a part of him rather than none of him does not mean she doesn’t deserves a man who will give her his all.
The Man’s burden is the most difficult. It’s possible all he will have left to comfort himself is the knowledge that he told the truth. Having remained faithful in principle and in practice during their relationship, he will have to start over…alone.
This is why most men never use this technique, preferring combinations of the above rather than ever shouldering the full responsibility of being a man. They know being the man she wants is easy. Being the man she needs is difficult. Given the choice to end the relationship a falsely glorified Good Guy or living long enough to see himself labeled a villain, he chooses villainy if it will benefit the woman he cares about more. A real man recognizes that she deserves happiness even if he is not the man to inspire it.
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Ladies, have you dealt with men who fall into these categories? Recognizing that breaking up is never easy, which type of man and delivery would you prefer? Do women use these same methods on men?
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