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Stuff Black Bloggers Say

25

Let’s be honest, we can’t get away from it.  We’ll probably be dealing with the fad until at least the end of the month.  If you guys follow me on Twitter, @DrJayJack, you know that I despise trending topics.  I only get involved with a trending topic every once in a while, just to show that I could probably do them better than most people.  When it comes to a fad like the, “Stuff ______ Say,” I only chose to get involved because I’m starting to see a few that were funny.  Then I google’d to see if anyone else had written about this, I found a really wack video on Youtube that wasn’t really all that funny.  Full disclosure: Everything she said in that video was true, but it just wasn’t funny.  Shout out to the Editor-in-Chief, Slim Thugga Jackson who says, “I was reading this article on ProBlogger the other day” at least three times a week.

Anyway, let’s get into it.  When I was making this list, I thought about the subject lines or typical topics that come across the Google Reader.

“What’s the real Ivy, Harvard or Howard?”

Want to start a firestorm?  Talk about the differences between Predominantly White Institutions and Historically Black Colleges and Universities.  This is deeper than Bloods and Crips.  Personally, I got in an argument the other day with someone about why I thought Sh*t White Girls say to Black Girls was a tad racist.”  I said, “You must not have been around white people all that much.”  In my mind, I said, “You probably went to Howard.”  And she said, “I went to Cornell.”  The thing is you can’t change where you go to school halfway through, but we’re all jealous of each other.  If you go to a PWI, you can’t make it out of the four years without saying, “I’m tired of these same Black chicks.”  (Strong instigator of interracial dating.)  If you go to an HBCU, you can’t make it out of the four years without saying, “I’m tired of these [negros].”  (You do your own mental edit.)

“I could never date a woman who isn’t Black” or “I decided to stop dating dating Black women.”

This is where you separate the Radicals from the Stans.  A Stan will write a blog and tell you why he doesn’t believe in Interracial Dating, after that it’s a bunch of crap that sounds like, “I can probably get some [women] off this.”  A Radical will write a blog and tell you why he doesn’t date Black women anymore, after that it’s a bunch of crap that sounds like, “I really enjoy pissing off sisters.”  Here’s what I’ll say about this topic; people should date who they want to date.  People shouldn’t come up with reasons for it either.  However, because we love talking about things that really are personal, we will keep talking about this.  Personally, I don’t know how you can have this conversation.  Do you want to hear about why the dude dates outside the family?  Or, do you want to know what he thinks is wrong with the family?  Either way he loses.

“The real reason why he won’t commit is because of these 8 things.”

Women use the Internet like grandparents.  Men use the Internet like the pedophiles they are.  When a man breaks up with a woman or strikes out for the night, he solves his feeling of rejection with Tumblr.  When a woman has a break up or a man who won’t commit, they go to Google and type in their question.  After that they spend hours reading articles that will just depress the heck out of them.  I mean, they spend hours.  There’s Waiting to Exhale on the TV, a bottle of Riesling, her Macbook and hours of blog on “[Some random number] Reasons Why He Won’t Commit.”  And I won’t lie, men sometimes in between Tumblr sites listen to a little Drake and want to know, “Why didn’t she pick me?”  And so they need an article or two as well.  A few things about this topic is there’s really only one reason why a man doesn’t commit, “He didn’t want to be with you.”  No he didn’t move and didn’t want to be in a long distance relationship, if Halle asked him today he’s be the other man in a long distance relationship.  He may have told you he is not ready to settle down, if Adriana Lima asked him right now, he’d be ready to grow gray hair, stack paper, buy a ring, and prepare himself for Home Depot Saturdays.  If you want to know why, go in the bathroom and look in the mirror, “That’s why.”

Whatever we care about for the last three days, that we make ultra-important but afterwards, we don’t give a rat’s ass.

Listen, bloggers tweeted about Troy Davis for two whole days, and then once they executed him, they went back to Wrestling and Real Housewives of Atlanta.  We are all certified Virtual Freedom Fighters.  We will fight for you for as long as you’re in the spotlight, because deep down we want to be in that spotlight.  But that has to happen from my couch because this post got to get up by midnight.  The other day, I seen someone who went to Ohio State tweet, “RIP Joe Paterno.”  I thought to myself, “Stop lying, you just want someone to RT your ish.”

“You have to understand that it’s not sexist, it’s just nature.  There are things that men can do that women can’t do.”

Let’s talk about demographics of blogging.  Men are reading this, right now.  But they don’t want another man to know that they are supporting him.  That type of stuff only happens on Techie blogs, never with relationships, there’s chicks to be had here.  So what you have to do in order to have an uber successful blog, is either be a complete simp or piss some sisters off.  Want to piss someone off?  Talk about something they can’t change; school, race, gender, or sexual history.  Every woman is a little self-conscious about her sexual history and her only defense mechanism is saying, “Men do it all the time.”  So we write a blog that tells you that you’re wrong and you’re only chance in life is accepting that you can’t do something that men do.  The best I ever heard was the big home Nova, “The next time a woman tells you she can do whatever a man does, ask her if she can pee standing up.”  My feelings on the subject, “Maybe some men shouldn’t do some of the things they do.”

This person's sex life sucks.

“Here’s what you need to do to get a man.  What?  Yeah, I’m single, I’m happy by myself.”

I thought about titling my next eBook, “Blog for Women” and doing a podcast where I say, “Blogging, b*tches, blogging, b*tches, b*tches, and blogging, blogging and b*tches until all of it switches.”  Truth be told, blogging is one of the easiest ways to end up single, or at least have some headaches in your relationship.  But wait… that don’t mean we can’t tell you how to get a man or pull a ratchet.  We are all certified relationship experts, but most of us are single.  I’d say the female bloggers struggle with it more than us.  But yeah… we don’t know what we talking about, but we just know how to sound good talking.  We give advice that we don’t take ourselves.  We tell you how to get a man to commit and what makes wifey material and might be single as the last Newport in the box.  Personally, I have never proclaimed that I was an expert.  Here’s what I can tell you though, I hear about a LOT of people’s relationships everyday all day, I’ve got some theories out of that.  And last but not least, isn’t that the beauty of SingleBlackMale.org?  We’ve got a dude on here at each stage of the relationship cycle.  Want to know about marriage?  Talk to Mr. Spradley.  My dad told me to only fear two things, God and Marriage, I’m sticking to it… for now.

That’s my list, not much more to say about it.  As I stated before, we’ll probably be talking about this until the end of the month or at least until everyone gets their refund checks and tweets about it.  This is not an exhaustive list, I’m sure you can think of a few more, so make sure you add them in the comments along with your thoughts with why these topics are so viral.

– Dr. J

Comment(25)

  1. "He may have told you he is not ready to settle down, if Adriana Lima asked him right now, he’d be ready to grow gray hair, stack paper, buy a ring, and prepare himself for Home Depot Saturdays. If you want to know why, go in the bathroom and look in the mirror, 'That’s why.' "

    Shots.Fired. #ThatIsAll

  2. Dude over here giving away trade secrets. These are good points and I have more but I'm going to have to plead da FIF because I'm not going to incriminate myself on how I make my own money. I might be a hypocrite but I'll be that. Just cut the check…I SAID CUT THE CHECK.

    My recent post Someone Like You

  3. “The next time a woman tells you she can do whatever a man does, ask her if she can pee standing up.” My feelings on the subject, “Maybe some men shouldn’t do some of the things they do.”

    LOL I just got done watching the movie Ride where Lady of Rage(Baby D from Friday) did just that……

  4. "Listen, bloggers tweeted about Troy Davis for two whole days, and then once they executed him, they went back to Wrestling and Real Housewives of Atlanta"

    *Lord Forgive Me*

    Laughing Out Loud — Out Loud

    Are we really that fickle tho??!!!

  5. Hey Dr. J!

    Yo that interracial one is so cutthroat. I know a dude who sat up in the house with all of his black aunties and cousins and every time they said something, he was like this is why. lol He was biracial himself so I don't think it should even matter but dang, you just trying to make somebody mad son.

    Here is another one, it wasn't on this site but a chick pointed out on another site that single bloggers stay trying to give married people relationship advice. lol Idk man.

    I've noticed that sometimes it's said to lower your standards and then in the next breath, folks are telling you not to settle. #confusing

    1. As it pertains to advice I would just say that sometimes people ask for advice, and so we have to give it, but it ain't like we the best to answer. So one person may ask for relationship advice and they are married, but 4 other married people are like who are you to give. It's a beautiful struggle.

    2. Krystal, I really don't get why the interracial thing bothers BW so much (I'm lying, it is a POWER thing, and that is where it ends).

      The settling paradox is a really interesting one. I just think that women should get a firm grasp of trade-offs & own the men they date… regardless of caliber.

      Settling is a usually a good thing in my book.

  6. Look in the mirror? Really? … Really?

    Not like Eva Longoria, Halle Berry or other beautiful women have had successful relationships. Sometimes it seems that being beautiful is more a hindrance than an advantage when it comes to relationships.

    But I get what you meant with that. I think. Or do I?

    1. Looking in the mirror like MJ, not like beauty. It means, he didn't want to be with you, so you have to examine what about yourself caused that to happen. That doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with you. It just might mean that you weren't the one for him. And you should always do self-examination of the situation instead of a long list of reasons that probably don't make sense.

  7. "…there’s really only one reason why a man doesn’t commit, “He didn’t want to be with you.” "

    Welp…

    And they're still asking, "But why not?????????" and seeking clarity here ——> “[Some random number] Reasons Why He Won’t Commit.”

    LMBO

    1. People never want to accept reality. It's like an illness or an injury. They keep telling you that you are going to miss the season, but you keep going from doctor to doctor for another opinion until you get the one you want.

  8. Never commented before but I lol'd at "When a woman has a break up or a man who won’t commit, they go to Google and type in their question.  After that they spend hours reading articles that will just depress the heck out of them.  I mean, they spend hours.  There’s Waiting to Exhale on the TV, a bottle of Riesling, her Macbook and hours of blog on “[Some random number] Reasons Why He Won’t Commit.”.
    You were literally singing my life with your words. I've found myself doing this on more than one occasion and now I will hold my head in shame.

  9. All I have to say is I love being on blogs and blogging and I like this site a lot. I've learned quite a bit and I enjoy getting various perspectives on things.
    Keep on bloggin on………*smile*

  10. I believe that the best way for bloggers to rise above the stereotypical posts and broadcasts is by daring to take on subjects that they feel PASSIONATE about.

    In my territory of the Internet, I see the willingness to attack a topical subject as an opportunity to shed an entirely DIFFERENT light on the subject. If you publish posts, audio broadcasts, or You Tube shows that tackle "the usual subjects" in an UNUSUAL way——–then you have the unique opportunity to open the minds and hearts of people in ways that never imagined.

    Changing the views of the masses "for the better" HAS to start somewhere. And what better vehicle to use than their proven, previous interest in topical things?
    My recent post Mission #24 – Objective: The Top Twelve New Year’s Resolutions That Every Man Should Make!

  11. It's interesting how people always call out the bandwagoning effect that certain stories get like Troy Davis's. To me, I think bandwagoning is a good thing. We can't all be political activists everyday; it's tiring and exhausting, and sometimes there's just no hope in sight. But when something gains traction and starts to go viral, like the story of Troy Davis, or the Gaza Flotilla, etc., then bandwagoners are so important in really making the difference and getting something heard.

    Just my 2 cents. You won't see me picketing all day everyday. I try to stay aware, but that shit can be depressing, so yes, I'll need to watch my reality shows and dick around living my life and trying to keep sane.

    Also, I am just getting into blogging/blogs and enjoying. People beat to death these topics but don't we all in general! Love, sex, politics, culture… what else is there to life!?
    My recent post CNN Debate: Have WASPs forsaken Jesus for the GOP?

  12. White radical gender feminists have alienated their own men so badly, they have no options left. It's either men of color, other women, or a dildo named "Steeley Dan."

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