Men Should Not Attend Baby Showers

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What happens when men attends baby showers

As I get older, I’ve noticed that there has been a paradigm shift in normal traditional and cultural practices in this country. Smoking used to be as popular as baseball here once upon a time. Women would even smoke while pregnant! However, now with increased health awareness and state regulations, we’ve seen less smoking indoors, and astronomical cigarette prices. One shift that baffles me is the presence of men at baby showers.When I was younger, it went unsaid that baby showers were for women only. These were like private parties, where friends and family of the expecting mother got together to celebrate the new bundle of joy. They play games, open gifts, and cackle and kee kee into the night. Men? Yeah we were to stay at home. Any gifts purchased were sent ahead of time with a respectful bow filled with best wishes. Why would we want to go anyway? Other men were guaranteed not to be there, and it wasn’t our place. I knew this thought process changed the minute I got an evite to attend a baby shower. This piqued my curiosity, but it was for a good friend so I said why not? I went and was shocked to see a bunch of other dudes there too! Enjoying the EXCELLENT food and having a great time! That’s when I knew we were in different times.

When did men start attending baby showers and why? I don’t really understand when it began, but I began to theorize so I could comprehend this phenomenon. Did they hear that there was free food and alcohol and were willing to absorb the increased amounts of estrogen to do so? You have a lot of dudes who are “strongly suggested” to attend these events by their significant others and end up at these events. You also have men who are friends with the expecting mother and feel the need to attend. You also have dudes who are invited by the father-to-be, who may entice their boys with food and eye candy as incentives to stop by a baby shower.

Is it because more and more people we know are having kids, and since it’s a younger/more social  crowd this is acceptable? I tend to think that now that I’m “grown folks age”, and more of my friends are having kids and getting married, that this may be the circle of  revealing itself. Maybe men were always at baby showers and I didn’t notice? I don’t know. Baby showers always felt like a territory dominated by women which men should not tread, similar to bridal showers, sex toy parties, and trashy novel conversations.

While I don’t think baby showers are my speed, I do appreciate women incorporating men, especially the father-to-be’s friends and family. It shows that 2 people made the baby and everyone is being considered. It also doubles up on those registry gifts (sidebar, NEVER be the person who double buys items already purchased. If it’s THAT serious, just bring money!). I also appreciate my friends and family who invite me to these special events. I just don’t think it’s natural for men to be at a baby shower.

What do you think? Have men always been in heavy attendance in baby showers? What do you think is the worst/best thing about attending this event? Which one of you ladies are the one who openly disrespects suspect gifts that are revealed?

StreetZ
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  • Smilez_920

    I have no problem with men attending baby showers especially if these men are going to be around my child ( ie:my husbands friends , uncles, God father etc…)

    I like baby showers there fun and a great way for the new parents to get some starter items for the baby. The only thing I don’t like about baby showers are people bringing their bad kids especially if they can’t control them.

    Side note: the only differnce between old school baby showers and new school baby showers is New school baby showers are like parties lol, I’ve seen ppl pop bottles at the baby shower

    • GirlSixx

      "Side note: the only differnce between old school baby showers and new school baby showers is New school baby showers are like parties lol, I've seen ppl pop bottles at the baby shower "

      Most Definitely!!!!!

  • james

    As the father to be I guess you can say I had no choice but to attend. Couple of my homeboys did come out for “support.” Only other shower I’ve attended was my sisters. I can’t see myself going to anyones else. The best part of the shower is all the gifts which means less stuff I have to buy, the worst part is the guess what baby food is this game.

  • Naija

    I don't believe that men attending baby showers is a prevalent occurrence. I can't immediately recall seeing any in pictures, other than the husband/father-to-be and one or two other male relatives. I don't think I've ever actually attended a baby shower. Aside from the fact that they've traditionally conflicted with my schedules, I have minimal interest in them. Or bridal showers. But that could be my anti social side talking.

    The best thing is probably being there to celebrate an upcoming joyous occasion with a family member and/or friend. The worst? I guess perhaps the cheesiness. I'd probably have fun if it were for one of my best friends, though.

  • http://www.twitter.com/soul06 Larnelw

    Male attendance at babyshowers is definitely a more common occurance these days. Ive been to two babyshowers that I can immediately recall. Both times it was the wife of a cousin. I agree with what was said, often its to support the father. And I believe that’s what changed. Fathers, particularly husbands, are expected to be there for the first party for their child. To be their for the mother and/or wife.
    Now for single dudes who do go it really isn’t a bad look. Think about it. Whether you are there as friend or family to the soon to be mother or father, you are now in a setting where beautiful women are likely far more receptive to conversation. So much more so than they would ever be at some club ir on the street where their guards are up.

  • Teflon Mom

    Lots of men at the babyshower? That's kinda new – but one thing I learned when I had kids is that baby centered festivities are really just cover for adults to get together and drink. The kids are too young to remember it. I thought our generation was doing something new until I remembered that my folks had a full bar in the house when I was younger. Plus all them 70's pics of them with afros, sunglasses and glass tumbler in hand. I'm not surprised the party spirit has extended to the baby shower.

    • krystllyght

      Ya'll drink at baby showers? Like, alcoholic beverages? THAT is what's news to me.

      • streetz

        Hell yeah!! LOL! Well the baby showers that EYE've been to.. I agree with Tef Diddy.

        • krystllyght

          The person you're there for can't even drink but everybody around her gets to? That is so jacked up! LOL LOL I've been to seven or eight baby showers and not one had alcohol. WOW.

        • Teflon Mom

          Girl I was TART about that! I tried to tell them no drinks…they told me they needed a drink to put up with my hormonal ass. They was right, tho.

        • krystllyght

          Hahahaha! Giiiiiiiirl that is just SO foreign to me. You should've smacked the drinks out of their hands! "Momma said NO!" *smacks drink*
          Imma go ask my party planner friend about how common that is.

        • Teflon Mom

          Don't get me started on the girls' 1st birthday party. First they asked me, "Tef, where's the drinks?" Me – I didn't even think about drinks. Them: "Ok." Next thing I know they disappear then come back 15 minutes later like the 3 kings except they got a case of beer, a bottle of vodka and a box (yes, a box) of wine. That's when the party got started. Hub's grandpa was looking for some Haitian rum, lol.

      • Ms. Smart

        Drinking is the only way to get through them without shouting, "It's just a fugging onesie!"

        • krystllyght

          LMAO! I actually like baby showers though so……..

  • Jupiter Calhoun

    I really am getting old. Baby showers were never a place for men. What a curious age we live in.

  • Ms. Smart

    Grown woman here. I have been to several. I don't like them co-ed or not. They are boring as shyt. I would never suggest my dude to sit through all of that because I don't want to sit through all of that. I'm obligated as a woman. I will take one for the team and let him spend his Saturday or Sunday afternoon doing something better. When I have kids, I will have my dude show up to pick up the gifts at the end. This is what my King Jesus (not Eddie Long), would want.

    This is a new thing that only happened in our generation. Prior to this, the big shocking thing was having showers for unwed or teen moms. Since showers have devolved into two to four hours of eating, yawning, and playing silly games, it'll only be one generation before they are regularly held at strip clubs.

    Note: I have gone to one good baby shower. It was NOT co-ed. We had a sit-down brunch and the food was amazing. The games were smart and well thought out.

    • Teflon Mom

      See, I tried to have a woman-only baby shower. A few men still came. The girls' dad was deployed, and he made mention of preferring the desert to a baby shower, lol.

      • Ms. Smart

        Also, I'm old school. I'm not trying to hang out in a garage near car work so I don't want a bunch of dudes hanging out at woman places (baby showers, hair salons, etc.). Go do man shyt while I suffer through the woman shyt that is the baby shower!

        • Teflon Mom

          The showers I've attended that were intentionally co-ed all had "man-caves". They fellas didn't come out til it was time to open presents.

  • Cherry

    I would only see men going if there's going to be something there to keep them busy. Other than that it's really not a good place for a man to be if he's in a relationship. A lot of the women in attendance pretty much throw themselves at these men.

    • Teflon Mom

      From what I've seen of the co-ed baby shower the men generally do what they would do at any large, obligatory family function – converge on an area with a TV and find a game that's playing, have the women run them some plates and drink. That way they don't have to endure the games, but then they all come out when it's time to open presents. It's like some code language they use, cuz I swear we all look up at one point and *poof* all the guys have disappeared.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    Whatever…yes, they should, lol.

    Men folk attended both my baby showers…and yes, it was in support of the father. A few of my HS male friends were at my oldest's shower but they are…um…yeah, lol.

    Its a time to come together, mingle, eat, and make memories. I never take a guy with me to a baby shower unless he's really cool with at least one half of the couple…and he'll know the crowd. I only hang around fun, lively folks so all our get togethers are fun. I can see guys getting over the gift opening quick, lol. Sometimes, that process gets repetitive and takes forever.

  • http://twitter.com/panamajackson @panamajackson

    I'm actually going to a baby shower this weekend. Dolo. I can't tell you how many baby showers I've been to at this point. The first time I went to one I will say that I thought it was odd. And me and my boy were the only males there, but we straight beast-moded them games though. We won them all. But since then, (back in like 2003), I get more and more invites to the point where I don't even think twice about it anymore. You're right, could just be what happens as folks get older or as baby showers have turned more into a gathering/party than just a place for women to be gaga goo goo.

    And real talk…the baby shower I had for my daughter had over 100 people show up. Men, women…that joint was a celebration for real. We had to rent out a venue for it.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      Yeah, our first baby shower was packed! Unfortunately, bammas don't be rsvp'in, so we had no clue that crowd was coming…to my Mom's bff's house!!!!

      80+ plus people in a single family home…mad cramped…but fun!

    • streetz

      Nah you turned your daughters baby shower into Park?! Chill Panama I'm Out! LOLOL

  • GirlSixx

    Jack -n- Jill BabyShowers are very common today, I had one and it was A BLAST while the gifts were being opened and the women were cooing and awwww'ing the men were huddled in the kitchen chopping it up and talking about……….. god knows what –whateva they talk about amongst each other and then we turned the music up and had a fete, of course liquor was on deck. #DemTrinis

    • TJay

      Any gathering where there are three or more people + food + alcohol = fete/lime #TeamGT/Trini

  • http://phxrising.wordpress.com brran1

    I'll admit. I've been to two baby showers.

    The first one was while I was still in undergrad and this girl (who I had been talking pretty heavily at time) invited me to go to Long Island with her for her best friend's shower. We left Baltimore early and made the drive.

    The second shower I went to was for my best friend. I'm the godfather, so I felt obligated to be there. They had good food and liquor and most of the guys chilled together so it wasn't all that bad.
    My recent post Catharsis.

  • msgodiva45

    I've been to baby showers and there were a few men there; and they had a good time along with us :)

  • RealGoesRight

    I just got to the age where people I actually kick it with started having children, so I was recently invited to one a couple years ago. There weren't alot of dudes, but my homegirl was a Delta from DC and she graduated from Howard…bruh i was like a kid in a candy store with all the varieties of women I could look at (and take my pick) from. I actually ended up catching someone's eye at that party who asked my friend for my number and gave me a call. The food was good, the presents were cool, and it was a pretty good time. I don't know if I would go to another one, but it wasn't a bad experience at all.

  • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

    I've never been to a baby shower, then again I've never been invited. Of course, none of my close boys have any kids yet either. I guess we are getting near that age/phase though. I have a general theory that I can have fun wherever their is alcohol served so I'd go to support my boy and get my drink on if deemed necessary.

    So, I guess I'm going to address the elephant in the room since no one else is asking this question: Are you allowed to hit on women at the baby shower? ….I'm asking for a friend.

    My recent post When Your Parents Become Mortals

    • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

      lol. I think the answer to your question is yes. Discretion is always key.
      My recent post The Biggest Day of My Life

    • Ms. Smart

      As long as it's not the pregnant woman, sure.

      • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

        *snaps fingers in disappointment* well, damn…

        My recent post Someone Like You

    • Teflon Mom

      Of course – they're not wearing tight jeans and wrap dresses to impress the pregnant chick!

      Plus if you play your cards right you can meet a great girl at the babyshower….y'all are still together come the baby's first birthday…your engagement party should be right around the corner, lol.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      I actually think its a GREAT place to find a potential wife.

      Already, you know she:

      A) manages her money well enough to purchase a decent gift
      B) she has the ability to maintain friendships with women (MAN…if the opposite ain't an indication of major issues, I don't know what is…)
      C) shes supportive…and if she stays to help clean, that wins more points
      D) is pleasant around kids (watch how she responds to Bebe's kids running aound the room)
      E) she's not afraid to eat or won't eat too cute (or maybe that just annoys me, LOL)

      I could go on…but, point being, you could find out a lot in a good 2-3 hours, lol…

      • http://www.WisdomIsMisery.com WisdomIsMisery

        Damn. I need to find an RSVP list.

        My recent post When Your Parents Become Mortals

      • streetz

        annnnd her bio clock is ticking…chill…LOL

        • cynicaloptmst81

          POINT!!!! This is def a 50/50 chance, lol…fine, 60/40…

          WIM, pls know this was not an intentional attempt to put you in a fix, LMBO!

          LOL!

        • streetz

          SMHHH

  • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

    I never been to a baby shower and I've never been invited to one. .I'm completely fine with that. If I got invited, I'd go and hope for the best. I'm happy to sit, eat, and put on ear muffs as the high-pitched banter goes on in the background.
    My recent post The Biggest Day of My Life

  • Larry

    I've never been to a baby shower either nor have I been invited to any. However, I did let a friend of mine use my home as a venue to host her baby shower when she asked me. It was all women in attendance. I just hung out in the basement with my roommate the whole time and when it was over they called down to let me know and thank me for letting them use the house. *shrugs*.

  • MilanRouge

    Well I'm glad I didn't invite you to my babyshower Streetz! Hmpf! LOLOLOL! j/k ;) Mine was co-ed. Waaaay more women but a good number of men including family and friends. It's def the norm now.

    • streetz

      The fact that I STILL didn't get an invite Mimi… I dont care if you 3000 miles away! SHADE!! LOL

  • King Jordan

    i've been to a couple, because my arm was twisted into going. my personal policy is unless i'm the godfather or i'm doing the music (which i have done a couple times) i don't go to baby showers. i feel it's a chick thing *shrugs*

  • Mr_SD

    Ive been to one and that was for my daughter…it was actually cool all the gifts were kinda for me..lol

  • Cheekie

    I used to not understand why men started being included in baby showers because it seemed like some sort of torture for them. Like, it wasn't really their thing to get involved in.

    However, last year we recently had surprise baby shower for a coworker and of course, since men work here, they were included. We did the typical "girly" games like "guess the belly measurement" (lawd lol… potentially embarrassing but she has a good sense of humor), but overall, it was just a regular celebration or get together. I think when you set the tone of it just being a happy get-together, it doesn't seem so much like something that is just for women.

    • Naija

      "I think when you set the tone of it just being a happy get-together, it doesn't seem so much like something that is just for women."

      Yeah, that sounds like the key. Personally, I would prefer that to a girly-girl or goo-goo-gaa-gaa type set-up. I'd just want a nice gathering of friends.

  • Teflon Mom

    Thank you, thank you – they let me in the fam about 3 years ago when I had my first taste of his momma's picklese (I would apologize for the spelling but I swear every Haitian I know just makes the spelling up as they go along.)

  • AskBeans

    I went to 3 of em the first 1 I hated ! The 2nd was fun as hell and the 3rd one turned into a club like my homegirl was going hard ! Being who I am yea the games are cool but its gonna be sports oriented so I wondered if my future boo wouuld mind lol !

  • DuchessDee

    lol, there is where i met my husband,..at a baby shower. he was the godfather. came in with two bags full of gifts. his girlfriend was there they argued. he came over to me to get her jealous..i wasnt interested and didnt know he was there with his girlfriend. he bugged me the whole time. got my number from a friend and the rest is history, lol..4 kids and 20 years later still married!!!

    • cynicaloptmst81

      That was a really cute story, lol…

  • jwoodny

    I think it's kinda cool that today people are treating baby showers like adult parties, instead of the old school, rigid "let's watch her open gifts and tell her she still looks amazing" event. I've only been to 1 baby shower and I felt like I was at a stepshow afterparty. The father was a Kappa and his wife was a AKA and Puerto Rican, so you already know how next level that was! But it's still 1 of the most entertaining non-club parties I've been too and we still joke about it now (their daughter is 3)

    Having your 1st kid is a celebration and it should be a festive party that all your closest friends support you in. I mean it is the last real party you'll have together w/out having to find a babysitter
    My recent post Some Lives Aren’t Meant For You To Have

    • Oh ok…

      Went to party/baby shower2! A great time for the guys & ladies. If I ever have one it will be a party as well. Traditional baby showers are sooo boring X-(

  • http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com Tiffany

    I think it is important and I do expect my husband, unclea, brothers and the baby’s Goddads to be in attendance. It is not just for women. I have been to co-ed showers and thrown them and they ate loads of fum. Even the showers where the men have their own ro are cool and they have Daddy Diaper parties. Awesome!!!

  • CPT Callamity

    I'm a modern man that hates baby showers, yet in the last 6 or so years I've been invited to a bunch of them. Most of them by women who had no husbands and it was nothing to be one of two or three men in the room playing those games and watching someone else's kids running around. I always thought if men did attend we should have a separate room where we could drink and not hear "awwwww, that is soooo precious, giiiirl!" I feel worse when I'm made to feel guilty because it's a relative or close friend of the family. This is one of those blurry lines that I'm not too fond of because I'm unapologetic as a man.

  • Tremaine

    I did the baby shower thing Twice – Once for a church memeber and another time for a frat brother of mine and that was way too much. There were some beautiful woman at both, but it was still torture. Woman Like little sentimental stuff like that. There was too much estrogen in the room. And the silly games they play, are awful. From now on I will be at Crib chilling. I will send a gift with the wife But I will not be in the building.

  • SMSinTexas

    While I do agree with you that traditionally (read: in the past), baby showers have been women-only events, I completely disagree that they should continue to be as such. Is the father-to-be any less excited about the impending arrival of his baby? Was he less involved in the creation of the new life than the mother? With the majority of women and the majority of mothers being full-time in the workforce, it's not like raising children is any longer a women's job. Today, parenting is gender-neutral. A baby shower is a time to celebrate the upcoming arrival of your friends' new baby and give them some nice gifts to help them with the transition. There's nothing girly about that. And FYI – being female doesn't predispose you to liking candy in a baby bottle or ooohing and aaahing over diapers. No one likes that stuff. I say down with the old school baby shower and in with the new. A gender-inclusive celebration of a baby's anticipated arrival.

  • cece

    I'm not dead set against it, I just don't get it. Usually if any, there are only 1 or 2. I don't really understand why they would even want to go, knowing they will be way out numbered. Heck I'm not even that thrilled to go lol.