Not this again...
Have you ever been on a bus or train surrounded by black kids dropping n-bombs and going bonkers like they’re watching the throne? What’s your usual response? Do you say something? Do you crank up your ipod and ignore them? Do you make a subtle attempt to differentiate yourself? Do you feel the need to let the primarily white onlookers know we’re not all the same? Have you ever thought to yourself the kid(s) or adult(s) were embarrassing you? Oh, you thought it was just the kids? You don’t gotta visit Worldstar Hip Hop to know adults do some ridiculous things too.
Just a few weeks ago in Penn Station, I saw a grown man steal a beer from an ice tub in plain sight. Apparently he’d forgotten that hiding in plain sight is different from doing dumb ish in plain sight. It wasn’t more than five steps before he was confronted by one of the food dealers. The black man tried to apologize. The worker waived for the police. He apologized some more and the worker eventually let him go. The restaurant employee threw the beer back in the tub and looked at his nightshift colleague as if to say “there goes another one.” I couldn’t help but feel some type of way when I walked by the same ice tub. I looked at the workers, smiled, and waived. It was my subtle way of apologizing and differentiating without saying a word.
How often have you found yourself in a situation like that? It frustrating isn’t it? You want all of us to do better. Scratch that. You want everybody to BE great, and you’re tired of getting visual confirmation of why we can’t have nice things. So you take it upon yourself to be the best representative of the chocolate delegation that you can be. Little do you know that you’ve also joined the League of Subconsciously Apologetic Negroes (SAN), a non-secret society of black folks that expends energy differentiating themselves from other black folks and making up for missed courtesies with the nonblack. Members of SAN do things like hold open doors longer than they normally would, take their hands out their pockets to show they’re unarmed, say “excuse me” louder and more politely, and smile in elevators to ease any mounting anxiety.
It’s okay. Acceptance of your membership isn’t required. It’s a way of life that a lot of us have trouble shaking off at times — self included. Even as recently as this morning, I found myself reactively playing “the delegate.”
When I get on the train at 8am, the last thing I wanna hear is n-bombs and expletives. I just wanted to read my Kindle, enjoy the self-created silence, and make the best of my Tetris train car shuffle to work. Unfortunately for me, this wasn’t meant to be one of those pleasant mornings. It was set to be rambunctious. A few teens stepped on the train dropping F-bombs and N-apalm in the vicinity of mothers, fathers, sons, and daughters. It took everything in me to not cringe. I’ve lived in NYC for close to two years now and I still can’t get used to the acting out as much as I see it and comment on it.
Rather than play Captain Teachem and risk wrecking my morning, I tolerated it for the 66 streets that we shared the same car. And as much as I tried to focus on my routine, I couldn’t help but notice the white, asian, and latin folks looking in the kids’ direction. Some looked inquisitive. Others looked confused. A few even looked concerned, as if their safety was in jeopardy. I just looked down and shook my head slowly.
When the kids finally got off at their stop, I looked at the people around me. I took my left hand out my jacket pocket to let them know I wasn’t interested in fulfilling their most stereotypical desires. I made sure I was loud and courteous as I shuffled toward an open seat. I was Team SAN and a member of the chocolate delegation. Like I had a choice.
A few of the passengers smiled. Others paid me no mind. One person, neither black nor white, gave me a look of pity as if they’d done the same thing before…maybe even recently. I recognized that look. It was similar to the ones we started to give Arab people after September 11th. He knew the subconscious burden when he saw it. All I could do was shrug and accept that I’d just played a role.
As much as we try to get rid of our SAN cards, they keep finding their way back to us. And we keep fighting to recover racial idiosyncrasy credits. It’s a crappy cycle. One that many of us wish we could retire from our minds and sell the parts.
I have always felt this way. Growing up in mostly white neighborhoods and being the only black person in my classes I felt sometimes that it way my duty to be the antithesis of a stereotypical black person. Hell I'm in grad school at an HBCU with all white students and I still feel this way. I guess thats why it has led to me being labels as the "whitest black person ever" *sigh* can't win for losing.
I used to do this all the time. Until after after awhile, I was just like "F*ck it. I'm not apologizing for mess I didn't even do."
I used to get embarrassed and feel ashamed when I saw a Black person acting a fool.
Then, I achieved the art of not giving a sh*t.
-Basks in her own awesomeness as audience glorify my achievement with "ooohs"-
Er. But anyway, believe it or not, being subconsciously apologetic took a bit of a toll on my self-esteem, so something had to change.
We know we shouldnt feel the need to apologize for another person's actions, but dang, it's hard to break that habit.
Great post Slim! If longer, this would make a great article. I'm sure there is much more you would like to "pen" than the limit in length to these blogs allow.
Appreciate that. And yeah, I saw the word count creeping. Getting to the point of unlimited articles is one of my goals. Would love to go in-depth about more stuff like this.
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I look forward to those days Slim. You are a very talented writer and I know there is so much that you don't share with us on a daily basis. I can't wait until the day you can sit down and share as much as you desire with all of your readers. I know it'll be great content that will enlighten us all.
By the way, I really enjoyed this post and I've experienced that a time or two. It's always an awkward feeling when it's just you and everyone else who was left feeling uncomfortable. You want to say something. You want to explain…but it's just so difficult to find the right words to say.
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I'll do SAN ish once in awhile, but for the most part, I'll either cast an unimpressed glance in the direction of the offenders, simply ignore them and turn my music up a notch, or do the former followed by the latter. My music usually wins.
lol, What about when it's the people you're rolling with who're making you feel all kinds of ways about their lack of tact and volume control? That's when my SAN membership card gets flashed the most. I'm usually polite, but will make an additional effort to differentiate myself from them rowdy ass nuccas. Sit there looking quiet and dainty, when Lord knows I can act a fool at the drop of a dime. Causing a scene is not my thing, though, and I'm usually hyper-aware when people start casting glances in my group's direction for understandable reasons.
lol. I think the situation when you're rolling with people you know is where this happens the most. But I think that's more of a "you are the company you keep" type of reaction. I've had to nudge folks before for excessive foolery.
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lol, Yeah. Sometimes people hanging with us who didn't know me previously get the impression that I'm shy and quiet. It mostly happens in a restaurant environment, where there's no way that trying to shush anyone is going to work. I agree with the CYK reaction, but it was all I had since I don't really display SAN-ness. Tryna belong and ish. =D
That said. Although I don't necessarily display apologetic behaviours, I tend to put my best foot forward partly because I'm aware of the negative stereotypes against black women in particular. It's mostly because I enjoy having pleasant encounters with people wherever I go and carrying myself in a certain manner, but a part of me is conscious of dispelling some stereotypes along the way.
Very funny post.
It happens periodically when I'm sitting near some of us who are loud as hell on the train. Well if the conversation is funny then I don't really care. But when there are kids who look like Middle or High Schoolers talking about their sex life and who's pregnant I cringe so hard.
Although it does frustrate me when I see ratchet ass black folks, it's only because I want them to do and be better, but I really couldn't care less about what other people think. If anything, white people should be apologizing to me.
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Thank you! I couldnt agree more! I couldnt care less what a White/Asian/insert race here thinks of Black people. No matter how many people “act out” on the train people are still going to have their prejudices & biases about my people. I’m a good person, the fact that I’m Black has nothing to do with it just like the color of a not-so-good or ratchet person’s skin has nothing to do with the way they are acting. The Black race isnt responsible for all Black people. I hate when I see a ghetto video on Worldstar then see comments like “we got to do better” and “this makes Black people look bad.” Ummmm no, WE dont have to do anything & NOTHING another Black person does makes ME look bad. I LOVE the last sentence of your comment, my sentiments EXACTLY!
"No matter how many people "act out" on the train people are still going to have their prejudices & biases about my people."
Yup.
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I definitely have been apart of the SAN secret society. Especially going back to Chicago every break I see bad a$$ kids that probably would've been my classmates if I were still in high school.
Even more recent the day I was leaving Chicago, this past winter break. I rode over 120 blocks from 95th/Dan Ryan to Ohare. With this Drunk(meaning he was still in the act of drinking) Wino that would not stop talking to me and harassing every person; black, white, or green that got on that car. He wasn't one of those winos that knew the value of personal space, he would get close to you and wanna start conversation. As the train got brighter(whiter) and brighter(whiter) the further north I went, the more apologetic my being became. I couldn't wait to get back on my flight to DC, hoping that the people would forget my face as well as the "forgotten and desolate" that could've been my father, brother, or uncle.
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CTA Red Line: Ratchetness alllll day.
Well I am another member of SAN. But more so outspoken towards the offenders. No shouting matches just a courteous "Could yall be easy with the music fam?" I ride the Red and Blue lines in the chi. And like slim mention, trash ain't the only thing that litters the train at 8 in the morning. F bombs- N jones the whole nine. I used to take pity , "because the kids don't know any better", even when we were kids we mimicked what we see and hear (looking glass theory). But not not any more. As a man you got to say something. What really makes me aggy is when man-children (ages 19-27) men, playing their cell phone music with no head phones. Com'n son you can afford the phone you can't cop head phones. The music is much sweeter in the ear buds than loud speaker. This cat playing "I just wanna fu!@" @ 3pm. No head hanging here
Good post Slim. I never thought of it like that. I just figured I was raised in a family that was good, christian, and polite and courteous to everyone. I was always taught to say excuse me, please and thank you and even took a "Miss Manners" class as a child.
I guess I am part "SAN" and part just a polite person with good manners and home training….*smile*
I don't think there is anything wrong with being a SAN.The reality is we have to prove ourselves all the time and constantly gain folks trust. It's something we do unconsciously everday…especially at work and especially if you work in sales or customer service or any job dealing with people and providing a people oriented service.
I think to a certain degree it helps white folks and other folks trust black folks more and recognize that we are not all alike. Even if we are the only nice, good, decent, black person a white person knows, at least they know one and it's you.
It also helps to ease racial tension imo. Not saying you should be kissing anybody's azz or being an "uncle Tom" or allowing yourself to be talked to and treated any type of way; however; nothing is wrong with being polite. I have never apologized for the actions of other people (other than my younger brother and sister) when they were toddlers and did something bad. Beyond that I won't apologize for other folks bad behavior because I can't control that. At best you simply show that your "different" and not one of the bad apples in the bunch.
"The reality is we have to prove ourselves all the time and constantly gain folks trust. It's something we do unconsciously everyday…especially at work and especially if you work in sales or customer service or any job dealing with people and providing a people oriented service."
That's all HR.lol. Smiley faces, safe hugs, brownies, and tissues for tears. But you're right, we do it all the time without a thought. Earning credibility is a big deal. But when you're in a situation like that, you may be trying to differentiate yourself but for a different reason. My brain is spent. I was going somewhere good with this then I faded. Nonetheless, thanks for dropping by as usual!
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Good-Morning Everyone…..hope everybody has a wonderful wednesday.
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Good-Morning Everyone…..hope everybody has a wonderful wednesday.
Oh my gosh so awesome you wrote about this. I teach at an 85% black school, 15% Hispanic but it is only 66 black teachers so I CONSTANTLY feel the looks from my white counterparts like do something about YOUR kids. Now that I am thr dept chair it is even worse. No matter how many pull up your jeans and watch your mouths I spew forth there are times when I do feel the look of pity. I just wish the kids understood that feeding into the lowly expectations some people have of them makes it a worse situation.
I can’t co-sign this. You’ve got members of every race that acts a fool. No one apologizes for their antics. When it’s all said and done, I can only control my actions. If someone decides to make a sweeping generalization about a race based on the actions of a few, that’s on them.
I feel you. But that doesn't change the way many of us feel on a day to day basis. It's not about verbally apologizing. It's about subconsciously go out of one's way to make gestures or atone for the actions of others. You may not feel the need to do that, but a lot of folks do and they don't even know it.
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I agree with Jupiter Calhoun 100%! There’s no need to feel apologetic for the actions of others. They don’t represent you; YOU represent you. There may be some folks who will paint all black (or other) people with the same brush, but the SAN role is an unfair & unrealistic burden.
I agree. It’s a burden you dont have to carry. You are doing nothing but weighing your own greatness down by carrying it. Because you are, at least in part, measuring your worth by the perceptions of random white people. As if their opinions are greater than yours. White people are overrated. Every race has ignorant, loud, impolite people. That’s the way they are.
I went through a SAN phase till I got my fill of white people and realized their opinions should mean less than nothing to me because they are based on very little information and a warped perspective. Plus no incentive to correct that problem. How do you normally refer to a person with so little connection to reality? Ignorant. Do you go out of your way to prove yourself to the willing ignorant? No. That’s foolish and a waste of time and effort.
Actually, come to think of it, I haven’t come across badly behaved Black people in a really long time. I live in a Black neighborhood and socialize with Black people. I don’t use public transit, though. That must be where they congregate. Or maybe its that you can’t get away. It’s nice not to have to deal with it at all.
"You've got members of every race that acts a fool. No one apologizes for their antics."
I disagree. People of other races/demographics do this as well. Even on organizational levels. If you're a member of a frat/sorority, political affiliation, etc…you're automatically, unfairly in many cases, lumped together as one and the same and some people feel the need to clarify not all of "us" are like "them". I agree that I can only control my own actions and what other people think is on them and has no effect on me….has no effect on me of course until it does….
Yes, my SAN card is in use everyday while riding the red line from Brooklyn Metro stop to Gallery Place in DC. It is ashame when I have to listen to the lyrics of Rick Ross's "Yella Diamonds" blasting at 7am or the notorious DC slang of "You a bamma" or better yet, the cursing that goes on between these kids. It irks me to death, but as I stand there in observance and watch other adults of different nationalities I have to wonder and think what does our future look like. My mind tells me to say something or make a comment, but my instincts tell me that you never know how these kids reaction maybe and my life is worth more than a mere confrontation over non-home trained children. Usually, I will look at someone who I may noticed with a face of disgrace and give them that eye or head nod indicating you must forgive their ignorance.
"My mind tells me to say something or make a comment, but my instincts tell me that you never know how these kids reaction maybe and my life is worth more than a mere confrontation over non-home trained children."
same here, and I ride the metro in dc too. *sigh* I haaaate the loud cursing, the loud convos period. I usually just pull out my headphones and try to tune them out.
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I don't. Look, growing up in NYC, it's something folks do to be US! The black New-Being (Nubian its not) of NYC bring the bourgeois gangsta to intermix with culture and act like being a black person is estutue with something like a behavior, a walk or an attitude. I think that no matter where I go and visit, I can always tell a BK-bred person because we are ne'er ashamed or annoyed of our self-sense. Just like seeing Paul mooney in concert, we are confident and proud of ourselves. That SAN is the same sorry Uncle Tom who lets white America dictate his behavior. I just instinctly know what I am not. Letting someone tell you what you are by the way you dress or act is not my problem, but let's not get it twisted, I do know that society creates environments that allows this behavior to be accepted and where it's rejected. I'm gonna be me. Crazy as Kanye maybe, as frightening as Paul Mooney when his jokes about white folks feel painfully line-crossing maybe, but I won't apologize to anyone for my person as long as I know when I can't truly show myself (like in a church or a library), but that's about it. It's truly what I love about being as Jay-Z calls 'infinitely hood'.
Nah yo, eff that I ain't apologizing for nothing. As a matter of fact (<—and I don't mean that as a figure of speech) they should be the ones doing the apologizing. We didn't land on Plymouth Rock, Plymouth Rock landed on us.
That's speaking on a macro level – thinking about how and why the world is what it is and what part we play in it. I'm not saying that I don't believe in personal responsibility or anything like that, but I am saying that I'm not going to feel apologetic toward a bunch of people who have no idea what that man might have been going through to feel the need to steal a beer. Not gonna feel apologetic toward onlookers when I see a bunch of rowdy kids on the train; I'm probably thinking about their family situations and what's going on in their homes that's causing them to act this way.
Like I said, I believe in personal responsibility and I believe in holding people accountable. I'll correct a young man that I don't know if he's acting crazy on the train – regardless of his race – but I'm not doing it to separate myself from him, or to prove anything to the onlookers, especially onlookers of another race.
I think my issue with this sort of thinking is that it presupposes that there's some sort of connection between a person's actions and a person's race. White folks steal beers too. Spanish kids act up on the subway too. Asians dudes CAN play basketball. When you feel the need to apologize on behalf of the race, it's a way of tacitly saying that the person's race played a roll in why they are the way they are and if you're doing that, you're no better than anyone else who's looking on and passing judgment on the race instead of accepting that fact that sometimes some people just do dumb sh*t.
Yeah, at some point I just let it go. Like, all the way go. If you can't differentiate between the loud teens/young adults and my middle aged azz there's nothing I can tell or show you to make you feel differently. There's better ways to spend my time. I do understand the urge…especially if it's just a few of "us" in a location and someone decides to keep it good-n-ghetto, but I'ma roll my eyes and leave it at that.
You & I are always on the same page Most. I replied to Young Heaux’s comment up top before I finsihed reading all of the comments but “Yes!” to this ^ because I will be DAMNED if I’m a SAN. You summed it up so perfectly!
i think you have a point. like i was telling Slim, white men will hold the door for white women and let it smooth close in my face, and none of their brethren apologize to me. this happened in michigan a whole lot.
but at the same time, i DO know how it feels to be followed around a beauty supply because the owners have caught one too many black women stealing crap. ( i actually asked one of the asian men what made him feel the need to follow me before, and it turned into a 10 minute discussion on racism) some of the time it's just stereotypical opinions they've formed in their head, but other times it is based on their experience. what's wrong with wanting to impart an opinion different from the one they have? i'm not going out of my way to differentiate, i'd most likely talk to the "wild" kids, but i'm def not going to accept and don't want someone treating me like i'm one of those wild kids just because i'm the same color.
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Muze I think it depends on where you ie city, state, country and what you look like. I doubt too many white men wouldn't hold the door open for any woman who looked like Beyonce or Alicia Keyes.
You look like your an attractive woman from your avi. I'm surprised white men wouldn't hold the door open for you. Where do you live? I'm in DC and originally from Philly and been to NY many times. I think in bigger major metro's because it's so diverse and folks are used to the diversity from my experience white folks tend to be a bit nicer and more polite. Plus there is a lot of interracial dating that is more accepted as well. Now in the south especially the deep deep south it may be a little different. Also the part of town your in may not be as progressive as other parts closer to the city and downtown area's.
Honestly though, I've experienced very very very little racism in my lifetime…..thank God.
This is my thinking….If you don't like me and my kind….stay on your side of the tracks. I respect that more than the subtle in your face trying to pretend like I am your friend all while I am plotting against you mess.
"none of their brethren apologize to me. this happened in michigan a whole lot. "
This is slightly outside of the topic, but I wonder if we as a people really would feel better if white folk did apoligized for their bretherns actions. In an extreme example, with stories that mimic that of movies such as "The Bline Side" , "The Help", etc.. etc…it's almost as if white folk get a side eye from us when attempting to apologize for their cohorts actions and righting a wrong. Probably not a direct parallel here based on the extremism of the example, but y'all get what I'm getting at though, lol.
Those stories get the side eye because the message is always that the white person is the hero saving us from our inadequacy. Give me an apology where they dont insert more racism on the sly, then we’ll talk.
Co-sign WC. At this point I don't want an apology. More than likely I would question the genuineness of it.
In what scenario would you not question the genuineness of said actions? How does one distinguish what's real and what's not so real?
I don't think there is a scenario I wouldn't question. I'm like Public Enemy " Can't truss it" .
AS far as how does one distinguish real and not real…..You can see real (truth). There is not way to hide it. Body language, eyes, the words said…it'll be irrefutable. No one's THAT good of a trickster, unless you allow them to be.
Yeah I can agree with that. In stories like "The Blind Slide", which is inspired by true events, when the white person comes to save the day my question is where were our black people to help the young man? That's low key the bigger question to me. He accepted help and the family didn't have to take him in, but they did.
Good point Larry
Ditto
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From a New Yorker to another New Yorker… I felt really good reading this…
I'm not going to feel apologetic toward a bunch of people who have no idea what that man might have been going through to feel the need to steal a beer.
As a pisces (or just an empathic/sympathetic dude) I learned to really make an effort to understand where a person is coming from…
"Actions have reactions, don't be quick to judge
You may not know the harships people don't speak of
It's best to step back, and observe with couth
For we all must meet our moment of truth"
Gangstarr's "Moment Of Truth"
Asians dudes CAN play basketball.
SSTTE
lol…..feelin that Gangstarr quote MOTR
"When you feel the need to apologize on behalf of the race, it's a way of tacitly saying that the person's race played a roll in why they are the way they are and if you're doing that, you're no better than anyone else who's looking on and passing judgment on the race instead of accepting that fact that sometimes some people just do dumb sh*t."
I agree. I also think you have to look at it from the white person or whatever that you're giving this "apologetic nod" to or whatever. When they see that little gesture from you, what are they supposed to do? Smile back and nod like, "thanks, I know you're not like *those* black people." It's like encouraging them that it's okay continue to stereotyping us (or differentiating between "behaved" and "degenerate" negroes) and not feel guilty about it because, hey, Mr. SAN is thinking it too!
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Im a fellow New yorker as well and what strikes me is seeing different nationalities dropping n-bombs and f-bombs on the subway. I've literally witnessed 2 Asian teens call each other "nigga"…after hearing that I gave up my SAN card…
I still blame Jay-Z for all this random use of the n-word, but thats another post for another time..lol
Yes! I just dont know how to react when I hear 'that word' from people of other ethnic backgrounds. I dont like hearing it from black people but it feels soooo wrong coming from others.
Kema and Mr. SD you hear it a lot from hispanic and latino people.
Yep them too…its not completely their fault though
Once again this is old news. Me and mine did worst in the 90′s. 3 train last car smoking weed. There’s nothing the kids today did that shocks me. Feb 26 1992 I lost two friends (Ian Moore and Tyrone Sinkler) who were murdered in Brooklyn’s Thomas Jefferson high school. This set off metal detectors in all the bad high schools in NYC.
We did enough things to embarrass black people to fill up the main branch of the New York Public Library.
With that said even though I’m 36 I don’t feel weird or whatever I’m supposed to feel.
We were no better than these kids, where do you think they got it from, we all have blood on our hands. (baggy jeans 3 sizes to big beget tight jeans showing your ass, wake up 90′s teens these kids get it from us).
This is exactly how I feel! I was one of the worse back in the day with my girls. Loud as hell! I thought I was the only one that wasnt pure and innocent when I was a teen.
I remember old ladies and other adults shaking their heads. Now I'm the one shaking my head. Its the circle of life!
Kema and James I agree that we were pretty bad…..but as time goes on it just gets worse and worse. Nowadays they on a whole nother level with no remorse whatsoever.
We were no better than these kids
Although I had my moments in HS, I certainly was not raised in a manner that permitted me to act a fool when I was out in the general public. Not all our experiences are shared.
Great post.
I’m not a member of SAN, a decision I made back in high school when I stopped answering “black” questions. You know the “why do black people…?” “How does ____ make you feel?” type of questions that are tossed at me constantly at a school with 20 black kids out of over 3,000 students. If I wasn’t going to be “that” kid, I’m for daggum sure wasn’t going to be “that” adult.
I don’t ever apologize for things I witness, and I’ve seen my fair share of mess. I’m very good at acting like none of it exists and going about my business.
This post make me sad for many different reasons. Migration is key in black culture or in this case counter culture. You better believe that white kids in the midwest trailer parkers and Indian children in the slums of Bangladesh are embarrassing some one some where. The guilt you feel is a symptom and this post adds to the problem. What are you doing to help dispel ignorance effectively?
I spend more time trying to help others than I do trying to change the perception. The incidents I speak of above are just a few moments in time.
I have have a personal site focused around self improvement, have been on numerous panels, and I'm speaking to a group of kids in less than two weeks about careers in writing. I help people with their resumes and cover letters, and offer advice on finding new jobs. Basically, I expend the majority of my energy where it's easiest to make an impact. Don't let one post fool you.
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Mad props Slim for all the great things you do for the community. Keep up the good work.
You mad positive yo. That's what's up. Like you wake up, squeeze oranges into a carafe, and find the sunshine in a thunderstorm.
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You obviously haven't been in NYC that long, because I've yet to meet a black person here who associates the behavior of total strangers with themselves. Here's a clue, people in NYC are far too self-centered to even notice or care about what is going on around them. Seriously, I don't know a native New Yorker who even pays attention to the shenanigans of unruly people around them. Hold doors and being ultra polite, smiling in elevators to differentiate is not something that even feels remotely natural because it sounds weak. Why are you responsible for people who have no home training or racist people who may think that you are associated with the unruly? Anyway, you might need to toughen up because at the rate you're going, you won't survive the big city life.
Toughen up? lol.
When did I say I can't deal? I've been in NYC for close to two years. My experience and perspective spans multiple cities. And at the end of the day, it's still my experience. I'll do some pushups and boot camps though.
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I semi agree with IBD… Its polite behavior in NYC that suprises me. lol!
LOL. I’m a native NY-er & I’m def not too self-centered to notice or care what goes on around me BUT it is (“was” now that I’ve moved to ATL) an everyday thing to hear/see the foolery Slim is talking about. Like many others, that used to be me (loud/cursing on the train). I was a teen, thats what a lot of teens do/did. I hate witnessing it now but I don’t feel apologetic nor embarassed, just annoyed. Btw…polite New Yorker here *waving*, but to be honest I became this way after being in Atlanta for the past 2 years lol.
I've spoken about this before but I think that nothing epitomizes the Miseducated Negro more than the inability to speak up when his own people are acting out. I think that I said this before in an earlier post that we have to do better. If you see something that's out of line and you don't speak up then you can't shake your head at it. If you want to shake your head, you have to look in the mirror and shake your head at yourself. If it's a young boy or girl, or a person who is your age or older, if you won't speak up then you can't shake your head at their actions. We have to look out for one another. There's a breakdown in our community when we'd rather just step over or ignore or separate from our own rather than help our own.
Random people on the streets aren't always open to being talked to, BUT of course I see what you're saying- we should try to speak up. However, I think the real change happens on the familial level. IF you're going to shake your head and talk like a father to a kid on the MARTA, then you yourself better not have any bebes kids running around the streets of Atlanta without a dad. I dunno, I just think there are too many black men not being dads at home to spend too much time trying to get them to be dads outside of their home.
My recent post The Angry Black Woman: Don't be Mad
Tell a lil aggin to chill out, and STFU b/c they wouldnt talk like that in front of their grandmama's. If they have an issue, tell em to fight me. I aint afraid to whip a lil aggin's arse. Word as bond
My "problem" (some may think it isn't) is that I don't feel the need to "prove" myself to white people or anyone for that matter. I think it can be a detriment, especially in the workplace. I do my best, treat people with respect, but I make mistakes. I think white people can be loud, drunken, make mistakes at work, etc but they are not as hard on themselves as minorities are because white people are always given the benefit of the doubt. I realize that trying to "prove" myself to them is worthless when we have an Ivy-leagued Black President with no evidence of infidelity to his wife and two well-adjusted daughters….AND THEY STILL disrespect him, ie; birth certificate, lying about his religion, question his patriotism, are willfully uncooperative, pointing fingers in his face (Gov. Brewer). Only God can change those people. Sigh.
This point about the disrespect is a good one. I've had this conversation a few times about the way the president is treated. People had jokes on Bush and even Clinton, but it was nothing like what we see today.
The other thing you pointed out is how hard we are on ourselves because we don't always get the benefit of the doubt. Every time we have a highly visible opportunity, you start hearing "don't mess this up for us." The best recent example for me has to be the hype around Red Tails.
My recent post In a City Where the Struggle Is Real
True enough, we are responsible for our own actions, BUT the responsibility is to all to give back. Maybe it's the teacher in me that in any situation where my voice is needed I speak. It my "teacher" look isn't stern enough to lower the situation, I def will open my mouth. In public I’m me and me is the polite, courteous young lady I was raised to be. Though society judges all by the actions of one, I have no desire to be the epitome of none. Consciously I take on the subconscious job of being better than what is expected of me from society and then passing those positive attributes to all that I can.
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I cringe everytime Im on the train and hear those kids saying the N word and using cuss words. I've tried to say something twice.. it turned into "mind your business, youre not my mom" etc. and quite frankly, I'm tired of talking to these kids.. they just become outright disrespectful. I work with teen but it gets so tiresome because their parents are not teaching them the same lessons so it really defeats the purpose. I teach a Life Skills program at junior high schools and high schools. However, time and time again I have to speak to my young people about foolish behavior in public…shortly after having such conversations, I have seen them cussing and acting a fool on the train when they thought I was no where in sight. I admit to being a SAN, it becomes quite difficult because most of my friends are not black. So imagine being on the subway with your Asian friends and theyre witnessing it with you–been there several times. I've had to UNapologetically stick up for those kids because my friends were making comments I didnt necessarily approve of–now that I will always do, as a black woman I genuinely feel the need to.
Totally understand where this post is coming from. Sometimes when "our kind" is acting a fool in public it embarrases us. Thats a natural reaction. While its true other races do stupid and embarrasing shit we tend to laugh or not care. But its true it'll bother us when we find out the person is of similar race. Like when you here some crazy story on the news about a teacher molesting kids, lets admit sometimes we think or even ask out loud is he/she black. As if this will make the crime any more different or bearable.
Now honestly we dont care to prove to onlookers that we are not the same, clearly if im on the train trying to read i'm just as bothered as my non race counterparts… So we aint proving shit…
This actually makes us think about the the show basketball wives.. We're getting tired and embarressed and might need to prove to folks and you black men sometimes that we're not all like that.
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This article was extremely well written and articulate of how I feel on a day to day basis riding the Greenline in Wash DC. I find myself thinking, "Damn, why cant you ghetto azz folks just act right until we get Barack re-elected" If there are any non-black people on the fence about voting for him, yall gonna fuck it all up!" I to am a member of SAN. I never knew the name of the secret society that I was subconsciously apart of..but now I know. SMH. LOL. I aint enjoyed Peach Ciroc, Fried Chicken on Watermelon in public in years. No loud, agressive music playing out of my cheap earbuds OR unnecessary confrontations for me. Our people simply cant "afford" it in my mind. I've been told that Im a bit of a sellout for how I feel about embarassing ninjas. I dont care tho. I was borned and raised in SE DC and I feel no need to validate my "hoodness" by pretending like I think its ok for blacks to "coon" whenever they get the chance to.
White people at my job done already told me a few things about the Green Line in DC…
1) They avoid it at all costs. 50% of them have no idea what's going on because they've been told to stay on the Orange/Blue/Red lines only. They even transfer to Yellow at King Street in the cold or heat!
2) They think it's entertaining to watch the kids fighting and then getting arrested by Metro Transit cops is hilarious. I ain't know how to feel about that but ain't really much we can do to stop them from going downstairs at Chinatown.
3) They think we should have a specific car or train for kids only. I initially agreed with this until I remembered that this was the same reasoning they used for segregation and then I deaded it.
I can't lie though, somebody told me to come to Naylor Road and they would pick me up and I was like, "You sure I can't catch a cab from like… Archives???"
Dr. J in reference to number 3 the segregation would be based on age…..not race. So I don't think it would be the same if they did have a car for kids only. The problem is you shouldn't seperate kids from their parents/guardians….you should make the parents be fully responsible for their kids and keep em in check.
The type of people who dont give a fuck are typically the type of people who were like this as children themselves. SMH. I aint tryna come at either of yall ladies, just stating an observation of mine. I also noticed that black women (gross generalization of course) arent as apologetic about these kinds of things (compared to men). Hell, lots of times chicks aint genuinely apologetic about anything. lol.
"Hell, lots of times chicks aint genuinely apologetic about anything."
Quit telling our business, lol. Best I can usually do is be sorry for not being sorry.
lol at sorry for not being sorry right before going back to the salt-n-vinegar chips.
My recent post In a City Where the Struggle Is Real
"chicks aint genuinely apologetic about anything"
Not True! I resent that statement Nupe!
Why should I be apologetic for a stranger's actions? This is nothing new. Take a intro level racial psych class or something, there's lots of studies on how minorities often carry burdens for the actions of people in their racial group. White people have the luxury of being themselves and not worrying about someone other white person whom they have no relation with "proving a stereotype." Example–there's a car bombing or something on the news: every arab and muslim in the country is praying it's not an arab or muslim. Or maybe you hear about a shooting in your city, educated black folks on campus are praying it ain't a black person. Why? Because they'll continue being blamed for ish they have nothing to do with? Why should we have to feel that type of anxiety?
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Great post Sir Slim. I hold the SANS card but display it rarely. If the action is just down right outlandish, I may go as far as talking to the offender in a way that makes them forget they just had their coattail pulled. If I hear children acting disrespectful, I say something to them. I believe it takes a village. I use my not so old young charm on them and have them understanding why it's not cool to "go bonkers" in public. I have yet had that back fire. I think you have be sure your tone and body language show that you are approaching them out of love and concern.
I think it's a waste of time to stand back and shake my head. I use that same energy to respectfully speak up if I see outlandish behavior. I would expect anyone around me to do the same. I think people not caring what others think has allowed people to think they can get away with anything without being held accountable. No one is perfect and I believe we are ALL put on this earth TOGETHER to help each other grow and learn. I will continue to nurture and will not allow fear of backlash to stop me.
Good Post. Way to uplift our fellow SAN people!
At the end of the day, I am one of those black men, who needs to maturely check other black men when they are out of pocket… But I am not quite there yet…
Great post… NYC rocks
LOL yeah man, the red line <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
Pretty good post.
"I recognized that look. It was similar to the ones we started to give Arab people after September 11th. He knew the subconscious burden when he saw it."
Yup, it is quite the subconscious burden we self-aware ninjas have whether we ask for it or not. Actually, that's what makes it subconscious, I guess. It's just… there. It's an interesting dichotomy because when we see folks that make us go out of our way to differentiate "us" from "them", it is — by default — admitting that we're more like them than we think. I mean, we wouldn't even care to make the distinction if we didn't have to also admit that even "they" are a part of us… in some way. As Black folks, we're definitely not a monolith, but we're also not quite at the place where we wanna be totally separate either… and I'm not even sure I wanna get to that place.
Excuse my opinion but this is total BULLSHIT!!! Slim or whatever his name is says "instead of ruining his morning, he decides to not say anything and keep riding the train"!!??? No he's a PUNK! I say that because I'm sick of people especially black men cowering because they are, for a lack of a better term, scared of white people. You shouldn't have to be ashamed, overly apologetic or subservient because your trying to make up for stereotypical INDIVIDUALS! Nor should I feel like I owe these judgmental white people anything because they think we're all the same. I don't want to be apart of this "SAN" and I definitely don't think it should be worn as a badge of honor! Even though I am most certainly one of the individual's that feel like some behavior could be dialed back and I also can feel ashamed of some of this behavior, you can put money on the fact that I will stand up, behind or beside my black people before I ever cower in shame and join the bandwagon against them!
Oh and the beginning story about the beer was the act of a THIEF not the act of a BLACK MAN contrary to popular belief there is a difference.
um, the thief was black though.
My recent post The Angry Black Woman: Don't be Mad
I don't remember ever feeling apologetic for this type of thing. I do remember embarrassment and discomfort though…eons ago. Does that count? This was a good post though. Something to chew on the next time I get into a situation like this.
As much as this is true and I find myself trying to apologize for people acting a fool, I think its unfair when people make a generalization. I was recently walking on the streets and some asian kid mistakenly stepped on a black guy's shoes. The man started yelling at the kid and sounded like he wanted to get in a fight being all belligerent. I did not stop to look. I shook my head and kept on walking. I can't account for the behaviors of all black people but I believe the best thing I can do is to not be one of those negative stereotypes myself.
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IMO, N*gga is an ignorant person. Regardless of race. Why do we hold to a word that was originally used to oppress us?
But then again lil Wayne uses it! So it must be cool. Almost everyone listens to him (&other rap artists) so don’t get shocked when a person of another race use it.
Other than that, I use my card at times, but normally only because I get annoyed.
I used to be embarrassed because of these chillrens, but now I just want them to shut the hayell up. If a non-black person can’t look around and figure out the rest of the blackfolk are just as annoyed, then they’re stupid and I can’t help them. And I’m so sick of homeboys on the train not using earphones!
Also, I want to say that I'm especially embarrassed when I see black women acting craaaaazy. Yelling at their kids, beating them in PUBLIC. Talking about the most ridiculous things, really loudly. I was on the MARTA the other day and this woman would not stop talking about where she got her ass from…her mother, her aunt, her sister? It was bat shit ignorant. I have to admit though, I didn't say anything. Really, what can you say to that? Where do you even start?!
My recent post The Angry Black Woman: Don't be Mad
OK! I loved this! So intelligent and right on target. I live in Atlanta myself, grew up in a burb of Orlando…and I've certainly been an SAN. Thanks for the post. Seriously, I just started a blog so I've been going around reading a lot of other people's blogs…this was the best (so far:P)
Appreciate that. Checked your site too. Good stuff.
My recent post In a City Where the Struggle Is Real
I loved reading this article. I concur with pretty much everything that written.
Thanks for dropping by!
My recent post In a City Where the Struggle Is Real