Home Featured Single Sam’s Episodes in Love Part 2: The Proposition

Single Sam’s Episodes in Love Part 2: The Proposition

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This is a True Story

Spring came early. I was thankful. There’s absolutely nothing like New York City those first few weekends when warm weather arrives to stay-always something to do, always some place to be. And with the warm weather came a renewed vigor and enthusiasm to extract myself from the malaise I’d been in after the cold, post sergeant winter months. I’m not sure if it was he who’d caused my hibernation or if it was just a product of the harsh winter, but either way I was happy it was over. I’d just finished my masters, my annoying internship was about to end and I was excited at the prospect of getting into the heart of my career. So as the salt dusted dirty brown snow trapped sidewalks gave way to green leaves and fallen poplar seeds, my ponytails, jean-tucked galoshes, and forays with not-so-single-men gave way to consistent creamy crack doses, dresses, high heels and hopefully, higher standards. One might say I had a extra lil’ pep in my step … and they’d be right … I felt like I was back.

If you haven’t read part of one the Single Sam Series, you might want to click here: Single Sam’s Episodes in Love Part 1: An Officer and a Gentleman.

I guess it was that extra pep that convinced him it was finally time to speak. I was making my way down my apartment stoop quite gingerly, purse on shoulder, big box in both hands:

“Damn girl, you got it?” he said. Nice frames it was not.

“I think so.” I responded.

“Nah, you need help, lemme grab that.”

He was a neighbor, and like most of the people on my little Brooklyn block, he always said hi. He was an alright looking guy, the kinda black man who looks both old and young at the same time. From afar, the first few times I’d seen him, I assumed he was my age; his style of dress and general swagger screamed mid to late twenties. But finally seeing him up close, as he took the box out of my hands, I could see in the corners of his eyes that he was at least 10 or 12 years my senior. He smiled genuinely, and in his smile you could see the scars born of a life not without its difficulties.

He carried the boxes to the bottom of my stairs then looked back at me with a bit of confusion.

“My name is Lance by the way. Been saying ‘hi’ all this time, but never actually introduced myself.”

“Yea, I know, all good – I’m Samantha.”

“Cool … so uhhh, Sam, where we carrying this?”

“To the post office,” I said laughing.

“Awww man, the one all the way up by Fulton?”

“Yep, don’t worry though, I’ll manage,” I assured him.

“You planning to walk?” he said surprised.

“Yeah … it’s really not that far.”

“You bugging, lemme grab my car.”

I protested dutifully, but he persisted. In truth, I wanted a ride. My plan to carry a box filled with New York nicknacks for my family back home a full 13 blocks wasn’t very well thought out. A trip that would have taken me an hour and a half ended up taking only fifteen minutes. He dropped me back home and as I got out the car he passed me his business card telling me to call him if I ever needed anything.

About a week later I decided to stop at a local bar on my way home from my internship. It was my last day on the job so I decided to have a celebratory drink. It seemed like a good idea at first, but as soon as I sat down the awkwardness of being alone at a bar not knowing anyone and not expecting anyone, quickly settled in. In walked Lance, right on time. It felt like I was seeing an old friend. He sat down next to me, asking if the seat was taken first, and the bar tender passed him something dark in a small glass, without him asking.

“You come here often?” I asked, laughing inwardly at how pick up line-ish it sounded.

“Every so often,” he said.

“You know, I really appreciated you helping me with that box that day. It would have been a huge deal getting it to the post office without you,” I said.

“Ain’t no thing. How you been though? He asked.

“I’m good. About to be on the job search heavy.. Just finished an internship today.”

“Oh yeah? Wow, you’re in college, you’re younger than I thought.”

“Well, not anymore, and not college – grad school. Just got my masters. That’s why I’m here – I’m celebrating”

“Oh well then congratulations – let’s drink to that!” he said.

We laughed as we clinked glasses. He ordered another round and as we settled into our drinks, he began telling me about his life. He’d live a full life, one a lot more interesting than I might have imagined. He’d been a bodyguard for a famous rapper, got his real-estate license and flipped houses during the bubble, and bought into a restaurant downtown that one of his friends had started; all the while building a corporate cleaning business that seemed to be his true baby.

“So I had some change left over. I took most of that and used it to get the contracting stuff off the ground, then gave the rest to my boy to help get his restaurant started. Then all the white folk started moving to Brooklyn and the spot took off.”

“That’s awesome,” I responded. “So how’s the cleaning going? You’re still doing that?”

“Yeah, it’s at a point now where I don’t really have to be so hands on in managing it,” he said proudly. “I can basically just show up, make sure everything is running smooth. It’s good, because I have a couple other projects I want to get off the ground now..”

“Wow, you just don’t stop do you?”

“It’s a hustle, you know … but so’s everything. But yo, how’s your job search coming?”

“Eh … I mean. I’m really just kinda getting started right now. Had a couple of interviews so we’ll see where those go. I’m optimistic at this point, but if I don’t find something in a few months, it’ll be a bit of an issue.”

“I understand …” he said.

“Yeah sure you do Mr. Bodyguard/Entrepreneur/Real Estate Mogul/Restauranteur.”

“Whatever …” he said as we laughed.

“The restaurant though, have you ever been there?”

“No but a few of my Friends have … all good reviews.”

“If you and your girls ever wanna go, definitely hit me up … my treat. It would be fun.”

“Really?” I asked – curious as to whether this was a real offer or just talk.

“Of course. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. We can celebrate your graduation. That’s a big deal, you deserve to do more than just a couple drinks at our local spot. When do you wanna do it?”

I was taken aback. It hadn’t even occurred to me that I might want to have a more full celebration of my graduation. I’d been so focused on school and finding a new job that it never crossed my mind. But now that he mentioned it, it seemed like it might be fun. Just then I thought about the Sergeant. Nothing is free.

“Let me think about it,” I said finally.

Summer in Brooklyn flew by. I spent my Saturday afternoons drinking frozen mojitos at Habana Outpost and my Saturday night’s I partied at the museum. July 4th I stood under the bridge in DUMBO watching the fireworks over the East River. A few friends even made our way to Coney Island when the dog days of August became too much to bare. There were men here and there, a couple guys interested, a couple guys interesting, but it was summer and the counterintuitive humidity made it impossible for anything to stick. But every couple of weeks I’d run into Lance and we’d go grab drinks or dinner. And while it was clear that he was attracted to me, it was also clear that the attraction wasn’t mutual. He was forty four years old and I just couldn’t get passed the age difference. Still, it was nice to have a drinking buddy who lived around the way. He’d tell me about the success of all of his varying businesses, and I’d vent to him about my lack of success on the job hunt.

By the time four of my girls and I were finally able to find a free Sunday to make our way to his restaurant, it was already September. He’d been insisting we come all summer; I agreed on the condition that he let us pay. He showed us a great time. From round after round of drinks to a tasting menu of all of the house’s specialties, to desserts made to order, it was really nice. Half way through the night, as my mind’s cash register calculated what I was going to end up putting on my credit card, I pulled him aside.

“Lance, we gotta stop, I can’t afford all of this.”

“Don’t worry about … I got it.”

“No, I told you, I don’t want …”

“Yo … chill out … just let me do this for you.” Reluctantly, I left it alone.

We wrapped the dinner, hung out for a while and eventually, my girls all made there way home in taxis and Lance and I jumped in his car to head back to the block. The ride home was silent. He seemed nervous which in turn made nervous. Despite how much I’d implored him to let me pay, I felt like I owed him. I resented the fact that he made me feel like I owed him. My resentment had me preparing to say “no” to advances that at this point seemed inevitable. He parked his car, we got out, he walked me to my door.

“Good night Sam,” he said. I was surprised. I felt guilty. I was mad myself, mad at the Sergeant, mad that his foolishness had blinded my eyes making me incapable of recognizing what now seemed to be a true friendship.

“Good night Lance,” I said walking up the stairs.

Monday afternoon I got an text from Nicole inviting me to an event her job was hosting.

Me:

“IDK, you know what happened the last time I went to one of your jobs events … lol Plus, I’m kinda tired”

 

Her:

“Oh Please! You’re unemployed you ain’t got nothing to do … you better be here.”

A few minutes later my phone rang. Assuming it was Nicole, I picked up without looking at who was calling.

“Hello?”

“Yeah it’s me.” The voice was husky, low, and barely audible.

“Who?” I said, pulling the phone from my ear and looking at the ID.

“It’s me” he said.

“Lance? Hey … what’s up?”

“Look, I ain’t got time for a girlfriend and shit and I ain’t got time for games.” I giggled, unsure how to respond.

“I can give you five hundred for three times a week.”

“What!?”

For some reason, I remember noticing that it was an old school phone with a receiver as I could hear it slam as he hung up me. I laid back in my bed, trying to comprehend what just happened. My phone rang.

“Yo.”

“Lance?”

“Yo, don’t act stupid. I ain’t got time for the games…”

“Lance, are you asking if you can pay me for ss…”

The old school phone slammed down on it’s receiver once again. I dropped my phone beside me on the bed and my eyes began to well with tears. I pulled my comforter over my head. This did not just happen, I thought. No way. Did I seem like that kind of girl? What kind of messages had I been passing him. Though he had never made any sort of advance on me, though he had never even really touched me, no man had ever made me feel so cheap and dirty. Hurt, embarrassed, horrified, I cried myself into a nap.

I woke up around five and was focused. I got dressed, jumped in a gypsy cab and made my way to Nicole’s event. It was packed, as her jobs events always were. When I finally found her we hugged. I thought about telling her what happened, but decided instead to just put it out of my mind and have a good time. I sat at the bar as Nicole worked the crowd.

“Excuse me,” a voice said.

“Yeah?”

“Could you just grab the bartender’s attention for me when you get a chance, it’s just so crowded,” he said with a sheepish smile. He was short, but wore what height he had well.

“Oh yeah, sure,” I said sipping the last of my martini.

“And can I get your next one?” he asked “… for being so kind.”

“Oh it’s already on the way,” I said “ But thank you.”

“No problem.”

Before the bartender finished making either of our drinks we found ourselves in the middle of the dance floor. I wanted to move and he was game, in his own way. Every time I tried to get a little close, he’d ham it up and do something purposely silly, clearly using slapstick humor to avoid the initial awkwardness of suggestive dancing. We danced a couple songs then went back to the bar for our drinks. We downed them quickly and were back on the dance floor. We repeated this cycle two more times, each time, liquid courage decreasing his inhibitions. By 9pm I was ready go.

“Hey sweety … I’m ready to go home.” I spoke, but the words weren’t my own.

“Oh ok, yeah, you probably have to work tomorrow,” he said. “How are you getting home?”

“Oh, I’m just going to take a cab.”

“Ok, well let me walk you out and grab one for you.” He said.

As the cab pulled up, he slid his arm around me, pulling my back into his chest, kissing me on the cheek. I clasped his hand at my belly button, turned my head and laid a gentle kiss on his lips. Still holding hands, he opened the car door helping me in. I slid over to the other side, making room, looking back at him, my eyebrows raised inquisitively. He mimicked my gesture as if to ask “you sure?” I smiled, and he got in. All I remember from the cab ride is that our lips were never apart.  As we pulled up at my house, passing Lance’s a few doors down I wondered what he could have been thinking to assume he could buy this. As he fumbled to find his credit card, I handed the driver two twenties and told him to keep the change.

Things started off awkwardly. First he had to go the bathroom. When he came back, he fumbled with the umbrella as if he’d spent his whole life living in southern California. But once we began dancing, we again found our rhythm.

Laying in bed, the following morning, I tried desperately to remember my little shorty’s name. I found it hilarious that I could not. I couldn’t even remember when he’d left. I shut my eyes and headed back to sleep with a smile on face, thinking about how much I had enjoyed my first and last one night stand.

And then the toilet flushed. He hadn’t left.

 

***Admin Note: If you haven’t been following along, this is the second installment of a series that follows the dating life of a good friend of mine (Samantha) as she grows, matures and learns how to build successful, healthy relationships.***

So what do you all think? Have you ever had a man proposition you in this way? Fellas, have you ever been so pressed for time, or so unwilling to go through the typical courtship rituals that you just decided instead to pay for it? And how do we feel about one night stands? Can you understand why Sam felt the need to exert control over her sexuality?

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Comment(121)

  1. Most, you can't keep doing this to me…lol! Gimme More!!!

    Thoughts going through my head: Is that really the short guy from the after work event in the bathroom? Or is Most gonna throw a grenade at us and say it's Lance in the bathroom and that somehow shorty being tipsy doesn't remember everything?

  2. This was hilarious and well written! So…I'm curious if Samantha saw Lance again…and who is the guy in the bathroom? Hmmm….until the next installment…..

  3. No. The. Eff. Lance. Didn’t!

    I got sick to my stomach just reading it.

    UBC, that BET not be Lance in the bathroom!

    *starts my day salty as a pretzel*

    1. I know … when she told me the story my mouth dropped. And I'm not a person who's easily shocked. Son offered her 500 for 3 times a week.

      The second thing I said to her was… "Only 500?"

      She was like "I know right!"

      We agreed that he could have at least made the kind of astronomical offer that makes you reconsider your morals.

      1. $500 a week? A month? I know his ass can’t be saying a month, not for 12 sessions. I did wonder…either way, I’m angry as hell. The nerve. You don’t even wanna TRY the standard route? Try a kiss? Ish, Shorty bought her a martini or three and everyone woke up happy…ya know? Thank God it was via phone-I feel violated in KC, I know she had to feel unsafe for a long while. 🙁

        And ya’ll wonder why we hold onto “good” ones with such fervor…

        1. Actually, i should clarify that … the offer was 500 a week for 3 times a week. Which means 2 stacks a month.

          Another part of the real life story that I didn't have the space to add to this was that, at one point during the time they were hanging out her lease was up and she was considering moving from her apartment to someplace smaller because she hadn't yet found a new gig. She told him about it and he offered to rent her an apartment he owned. She considered it, but decided to stay where she was.

          Imagine this dude with keys to the crib. Mad lurky.

        2. Sold! Rent and 2 stacks? I would've been out there looking for a job and ducking sick. LMMFAO! Morals be damned, it's a recession. Then her dumb self gonna go out and smash a dude that didn't even pay for a cab. I tell you, I'd be riding *ick until the cows came home.

        3. LMBOoooooo

          You know that's right!!! — but I ain't giving mouth hugs though, that would not be part of the $500 deal. #TooLow

        1. Word!!!!

          Sheeeit, I would've negotiated that deal and got $1k per week and kept it pushing.

          Single Sam is pimpin backwards.. You turn down sex with a financial gain with someone you know for sex with someone you DON'T know FOR FREE??? .__. Okay.

  4. I can't wait to read Part 3 – this is getting good. There is something about that moment you decide to have a one night stand and the person tries to hang around. Totally messes up the whole idea of "one night" stand. LOL
    My recent post MPAD – Window

  5. I'm trying to figure out how this girl is carrying herself. It would help if I knew what she looked like and more background on who she was. If a girl came up to me and was like, yeah this dude I was dating turns out I was the side chick, he had a baby and a girlfriend at home. And then she told me this story about how a dude just called her up at random and asked to pay $500 for sex three times a week. I would give her this look… and then ask.

    "You not telling me the whole story."

    Goes back to my favorite Robert DeNiro line: Listen, if you didn't know you're bein' scammed, you're too f*ckin' dumb to keep this job. If you did know, you were in on it. Either way, you're out.

    I think sometimes we forget that we're men and we have those savage instincts but we choose not to act on them. But we can separate the prey from the predator. Obviously this girl keeps getting identified as the prey. When I say, "how she carry herself" or "how she look" I don't mean she a hoe neither, just need that information. She may be aloof and naive, or having big city dreams. Just saying… something ain't adding up.

    1. As men, we like to jump into women's shoes all the time and assume it's something THEY did to put themselves in these situations. If a dude lies to a chick and she believes him, it's her fault because she should have known he was lying. If a dude offers a chick money for sex after courting her for months, it must be because of how she carries herself. It's this same pattern of thinking that, when a dude rapes a chick, leads us to ask dumb questions like "why'd she go up to the room" or "what was she wearing?"

      And this isn't me pandering. This is the point of doing the series – and doing the series on a man's blog. I really want dudes to read this and realize that this stuff happens to chicks all the time. #EverydayB Women get hit on, propositioned, unwittingly side-chicked all the time. They just don't always tell us about all the foul sh*t we do. My point is, if you knew how common situations like this story and the one from last week actually were, you'd realize it has nothing to do with the chicks, and everything to do with some of the more unhealthy practices of men.

      And I can't rock with the "we're men, and we have savage instincts," argument. I just can't. If you want sometime on the side, go get it and let the person know where they stand with you. At least keep it trill. And if you want to pay for it – go to Vegas. Don't endear yourself to someone almost 20 years younger than you for month after month allowing her to get comfortable with you, showing her how much money you have and what you can do for her in a attempt to make her your concubine. If you want to pay for it, go to Vegas where it's legal and everybody knows what they're getting themselves into.

      We gotta stop making excuses for the stuff we do. Again, i'm not saying we gotta be perfect, but we can definitely be better.

      1. #coolstorybro

        I disagree. This type of stuff happens to a certain type of woman everyday. I know women who don't have these stories in their lives at all. I knew when I met them, they would never have one of these stories. So yes, does it happen everyday? Yep. But does it not happen to women? Yep. I can find you a bus load of them.

        For example, the type of woman who takes a dude home on the first night and doesn't know his name in the morning after having sex with him….

        Yeah it happens to her all the time.

        We have to summarize this chick up:
        – She met a dude who told her a bogus story about living with his baby mama and baby. Instead of telling him to get his life squared away and then get at her, she slept with him.
        – She met a dude on the first night and boned him, didn't remember his name.
        – She met a dude who tried to help her with her boxes, seemed to be a slick talker, and then he propositions her for sex after paying for a party with her and her friends.

        #cmonson, like let's be nice, but let's be real. We not getting the whole story.

        1. Chill son. You selling hoop dreams. This ain't helping nobody, that girl is Single Sam. Help the girl out. You can't be afraid to tell her, "Sam maybe you should stop doing ABC, because right now, just to be honest with you… your judgment is off."

          "Men need to know how our actions play a part in all of this…"

          Yeah, there's a mic and boombox in Manhattan that would love to have you. Unfortunately, women need answers, real answers.

        2. I agree that your logic is youthful. Let me tell you why…

          1) Of course you're not getting the whole story because this a series that will likely develop the character, Sam, as time goes on. He already mentioned up top that there were things he left out.
          2) Only boys choose not to hold themselves equally accountable in situations like these. You stated Sam was naive. Well, is it once again ok for some dude to profit from her naivete? Or prey on women who don't have a clue? Most times, we learn from experience, and it looks like that's what will need to happen here with Sam.
          3) Women do get side-chicked all the time. If you don't know the game, you won't even know you're playing one. Besides, I know plenty of girls who carry themselves in a manner that might seem welcoming to propositions such as these, and who engage in one night stands, but they have never been propositioned like this. Lance seemed like a nice guy and as time went on, she lowered her defenses only to find out he's scum. Like others said, I think the one night stand was more about asserting her freedom of choice because of what happened with Lance.
          4) This is not a save Sam campaign. It's a true story, but the point of the story is to tell of one woman's experiences while dating in NY. As she gets acclimated, I'm sure the stories will begin to reveal a more confident and less naive Sam.

          Lastly, I have been propositioned (it may not have been so blatant) and certain things have occurred with guys that I've known for years (childhood friends) that I never thought would occur, but it happened. It definitely IS NOT always about what she did wrong or what kind of message she's sending, and anyone who can't see that is ignorant to the fact that there are shady people in this world that will do you wrong just because.
          My recent post Why Blacks are Losing in Film and Television

        3. My question to you is "why is it out of bounds to say Sam needs to reassess herself?" I dont think its youthful at all to say that. Of course we will look at the guys and what theyve done, but are we absolving her of ANY type of consequence for the actions against her?

          Is a troubled youth who always in trouble just a victim of "wrong place & time" or does he run with the wrong crowd? Feel me?

          I think a lot of you got your cape on for this fictional/non fictional character, and in that regard Spradley won.

          Kudos!

        4. It's not out of bounds, but clearly she did that. She said she began to ask herself if there was something she was doing that would make Lance or any other guy think she would be down to be a glorified prostitute.

          I never say always or never, but Dr. J, in discussions like these often talks about these situations in terms of what the woman did wrong, and it sometimes is not a matter of what she did wrong, just that the dude was an a**hole plain and simple.
          My recent post Why Blacks are Losing in Film and Television

        5. "Dr. J, in discussions like these often talks about these situations in terms of what the woman did wrong, and it sometimes is not a matter of what she did wrong, just that the dude was an a**hole plain and simple. "

          So your issue was with who said it, not the commenter. OK. true.

        6. "Did I seem like that kind of girl? What kind of messages had I been passing him. Though he had never made any sort of advance on me, though he had never even really touched me, no man had ever made me feel so cheap and dirty. Hurt, embarrassed, horrified, I cried myself into a nap."

          Does this sound like a woman that's not self assessing? Is she blaming old Herb? In her dealings with Herb she's considered the Sergeant many a time, she's learning, she's growing…she's self reflecting and timing her steps. She's rejecting gifts and maintaining boundaries.

          And yet…she's still seen as a common whore…

          And when she first met Herb, in their FIRST interaction. If she would've "known the game" and "wised up" and not let him help her with this box – she would've been another story men tell about how much of a b!itch women are today, how they can't smile in the street or accept the simplest of niceties. This is why.

          And this is why we come to her defense. These aren't special, unique stories of Sam. This is living today. This is being a woman with the audacity to have sex appeal and not share it with any man kind enough to offer his idck by opening the door for us, or buying us a drink, or saying hello to us at work every day.

          You can't play the women are stupid and naive card in the same breath as "[email protected] girl, why don't you smile and let a brotha help you out sometimes" card. It's a delicate balance called being a woman that we live every day.

          Pardon us if we don't much like being told to pull up our bootstraps and get smart by those who so often are the sources of our pain – that we still, somehow, against all reason, hope will one day let us love them and live up to our expectations -and for that are called dumb. Naive. Asking for it. Accused of sending the wrong "vibes". Our bad.

        7. "Pardon us if we don't much like being told to pull up our bootstraps and get smart by those who so often are the sources of our pain "

          So men are often the source of pain for women? Really?

          Im chillin

        8. Streetz I wouldn't say men are "often" the source of pain for women…..but there are Two sides to every story. Both sides need to be accountable and take full responsibility for their part……if your not part of the solution then your part of the problem…..men and women alike, Equally……thats my 2 Lincolns.

        9. People just need to stop saying "youthful" it's wild disrespectful and i'm not even coming back with a response, but y'all keep saying the sh*t.

          All your points have been considered, that's where you wrong. I'm not long-winded and don't feel the need to repeat things already understood. That you for telling me a bunch of sh*t I already know.

          But seriously, more than that, don't call me "youthful" no more or i'm going to ruin this comments section today with my uncensored thoughts.

        10. Its always interesting to me how you never seem to mind going in on others (censored and uncensored). But, when others are going in on you, you tend to get a bit sensitive. *shrugs*

          I'm not saying that's 'you', but its def my observation from my limited perspective.

        11. You should know that I think your observation probably isn't looking at the whole TL. I only really respond when it's something over and over again and i'm not responding. Like i'll take a jab once or twice, but if it keeps coming at a certain point I have to be like, "Hold up wait a minute, chill out with all that." And that's not because i'm sensitive, it's because i'm not a punk or gluton for punishment.

        12. "You should know that I think your observation probably isn't looking at the whole TL."

          That's fine. I did say "limited perspective". And I feel you on having a limit to what you'll take. But, considering the fact that you've gone in on folks more than being called 'youthful' by a few folks (which weren't me, I might add…I just think you disagree…which is your right), you don't wanna come off like you can't take what you dish…and that's kinda what just happened in my opinion…which you don't have to agree with at all, lol.

        13. Yeah —–> Being personally insulted in comments sucks. Especially when it's not true. and you're just trying to give your opinion like everyone else.

          ANYWAY—–> of course Sam should take a moment (like she DID) and reassess what she could be doing to not end up in the same situation again. But the fact remains that she didn't do anything wrong. Trusting someone, allowing someone to buy you a drink, even sleeping with someone the night you meet them. None of that is wrong.

          Also, I would love for you to find me a bus full of women that haven't been lied to and disrespected by a man. Sam in not different. Unfortunately neither are the guys she's coming across. But the really sh*tty thing that's been the same for CENTURIES is the general idea that women are to blame for these sort of situations. When we get raped, insulted, lied to, disrespect etc. We must have done something wrong. I guess because a man would NEVER do that to a good woman.

          That raggedy a$$ line is getting old. #4real

          My recent post Why Women Want

        14. I'm just saying, I've seen jumpoffs cry and ask themselves, "what am I doing wrong" come up with a list, but still the list ain't all together right. Do I think that great women don't get swindled? No, I didn't say that. Everything is not black and white.

          All I asked for is more information. I noticed somethings were off. I never said anybody was right for anything they did. Dude who beat on the first night, at no point did he say, "If she was sober would this be going down? Maybe something wrong with her." Nope, he got some guilt too. I never said Lance was right for what he did, if he did that. I feel like we needed to see the moment when Lance revealed himself as a threat. We just heard him ask her a crazy question.

          And as for your last paragraph, you taking what I said is twisting. My statement was that I can find you a bunch of women who have never dealt with a man who had a kid and baby mother they were living with. Or someone who got approached by a man to have sex for money. Those women do freaking exist! Come on y'all serious?

        15. I didn't realize you were being literal.

          It seemed like you were saying there are TONS of women that you could point out who haven't been through things like what this woman went through. You were just being particular and saying there are tons of women who haven't been offered money for sex, slept with a man on the first date, or gone out with a man who lived with his baby mama and baby?

          If that's the case, it seems strange to state something so obvious. But that's just me. I do get tired of people acting as if the victims (men or women) are to blame for their circumstances).

        16. Self-analysis never hurt anyone. Even in the story, Sam asked herself "what did I do or say to make x,y,z happen?"

          For as long as we can all agree that, in some cases, the answer may be "nothing", I think we cool.

        17. First time commenter and I gotta agree with Dr. J. There's her side of the story, the guy's side and the truth somewhere in the middle. I feel like there's more to the story too. Sam definitely has some "certain woman" type drama going on in her life. None of this has happened to me and I literally will give any and everybody a chance. Maybe I nip any bull in the bud too quick. People only do to you what you allow. It's something about her that attracts these types of situation.

        18. If we are gonna play the blame game, I would have to say that the blame could (possibly) be placed on both parties when looked at it from a certain angle. I do not think it was appropriate by a long shot for Lance to proposition Sam in the way that he did. But I can see how he would get the green light.
          Sam already said that she was not attracted to him (but he was attracted to her). She also seems like a very nice and easy-going female who can make friends with anyone very easily. In my experience, that can be a problem. I am friendly to just about anyone, especially men I don't necessarily find attractive (mainly because there is no pressure since I'm not feeling them anyway). The problem is though, that these men misread your warm and inviting personality as an "invitation". These days, women can be some stuck-up bishes for absolutely no reason. She may have genuinely just been being nice and this creep took it the wrong way.

        19. Now if he had simply suggested that they attempt to have a romantice relationship instead of one that is strictly platonic, no one would have blinked; maybe even suggesting that Sam kinda lead dude on for spending so much time with him. However the nature of his "offer" was completely out of order. And, based on the facts as they are presented in the stories, she did not do anything that even hinted that she was that kinda of woman.

      2. " My point is, if you knew how common situations like this story and the one from last week actually were, you'd realize it has nothing to do with the chicks, and everything to do with some of the more unhealthy practices of men."

        So we're that evil, eh?

        that's why i don't say nada when i'm out and about.

      3. Standing Freakin Ovation Most….this is why I asked the questions I asked in my comments….like what on God's green earth made him think she would be down wit that type of arrangement to even fix his mouth to propose such a thing????? Nine times outta ten he's asked other women the same type of thing in similar situations….same sh** , different woman. What does that say about the measure of the man…………….

    2. I understand Dr. J's POV and how a woman carries herself speaks volumes and makes a difference in her interactions with men folk. I have a friend who stay having wild stories but it is all about the way she carries herself. It's like dudes have a radar or something and go beep, beep, beep – she's *dumb*. And she is in a sense. She takes dudes at their word. Let's them into her heart, house and everything too soon. Runs behind them. Does extra ish when they haven't even put in a bit of effort. And then is all surprised and sad when things are over before they began. Yes, the story was "fun" to read but as you grow into womanhood you have to learn how to shut some sh*t down. You can't entertain every dude who smiles in your face or wants to help you with your package or dances with you. Well I mean you can if you just want a story to tell…but it seems exhausting.
      My recent post Tuesday’s Thoughts – Get Free

  6. Efff Lance – old nasty ass. That was the only way he knew how to crack for some? What's killing me is that she takes a nap and wakes up and gets busy with a total stranger. OMG! I want to read the next installment too!

    1. Classic. I don’t wanna be alone tonight and I’ll show this old creeper. I’d rather eff this random dude for free than yo ass for money. #MyBodyMyChoice Not saying it was a healthy choice, but I get it. Shorty acknowledged her as a woman with free will. Lance Gross tried to exploit her financial situation that he learned about through their friendship. What a violation.

    2. That's what I'm thinking. I was just laughing with a co-worker earlier about old men and their tired old-man game.

  7. yea i don't think i would ever pay for sex. there's too many women that want what sex, no strings attached. i would like to think a woman would want to sleep with me based on my merit, not on my bank account.

    one night stands? not going to say its never happened. but i know that at this point in my life it wouldn't be likely to happen again.

    good post.
    My recent post All (Wo)Men Were Created Equal

  8. Ooooh chile!!!!!

    First off…I woulda went ALL THE WAY OFF on Lance. I hardly ever cuss…but I woulda cussed him all the way out…all the way out. His VM woulda been loaded…LOADED. THEN, I woulda called in the dogs (my Dad and brothers) to make sure he knew to stay away from me and never even look my way again. Hmph. Laaaaawd! Blood is boilin right now, its boilin!!!! *woosaaah*

    I don't agree with one-night stands…and this is why I don't drink like that…I like being in my right mind. But, considering the situation, I can understand where her head was at…feeling the need to gift "it" at her discretion. Again, I don't agree with it…but I get it.

    Imma need some popcorn and a soda for next week, LOL… Keep'em coming!

    1. Girl please – how you gone cuss out Lance? This bamma still got a rotary phone. You better send him a STRONGLY worded letter, lol.

      1. LMAO!!

        *Starts chiseling on a Flintstones tablet*
        Dear Sir, not only do you think that I am a whore, but a cheap whore at that. As such, I no longer want to attend the moving picture shows with you nor sip malts at the soda shop. I considered letting my petticoat uncover my ankle for you last weekend, but no such considerations will be made for you henceforth. All the same, best of luck with the dysentery.

        1. Yes – write it on the Flintstones tablet, then hit him upside the head with it. Special delivery for that azz.

          Oh we're in high heeled mules now? Love it!

  9. Question: Would she be wrong for accepting the offer? I mean I hear women giving it up for free all the time. I mean, there are women right now in what they call "relationships" that aren't getting any benefits (No emotions, No love, No respect) and they are still sleeping with these lowlifes for free. Only to later leave the relationship with a bag full of un-exchangeable hurt. This could just be the entrepreneur in me talking, but seriously I think the worse part of this story is the one night stand (you sold yourself short with shortie). I think my body is priceless (and I feel every girl/woman should feel the same way) and if you want a piece of this you are going to have to make a long-term investment (marriage, babies, love). Now, I know that this is a huge investment and that is probably why I am still 29 and single but I'm willing to sacrifice and wait for the Man that can afford this ;-). But my point is, if you're going to be spreading it for a random stranger with nothing in return…why is it wrong for a man that doesn't want it for free…?—-Just a thought.

    1. good point Loving Life….technically speaking many married men and men in committed relationships pay for sex from their wives/partners all the time…..some don't even recognize "tha game."
      Biggest difference between a man your not involved with paying for vs a husband or boyfriend is the title……

    2. There's a word for that: prostitution. Most people were brought up believing that it's wrong. I agree that a lot of women give up the best part of themselves for less than nothing, but neither act is right. As far as I'm concerned, anyway.

  10. I've never had a ONS that wasn't at my place(what does that say about the women I run into?). I've had good and bad ones but most of the time they are there in the morning. Can be weird especially when you don't or didn't catch her name. Women's mind can be so complicated. Sam felt bad so all that was was a pick me up. Dude should have been gone. Now he is going to look dumb when she doesn't want anything to do with him after. He should have realize she was twisted and gave her what she wanted and left. Hopefully he doesn't think that it meant something.

    1. Why isn't anyone seeing the young buck as being exploitative. I mean by law a woman under the influence cannot consent to sex. Why couldn't he have waited until the morning to have sex when she was of sober mind? We know she was not proud of choice when it deemed it once and only. If this was the case I see the liquor exerting the control, not her.

      1. Why isn’t anyone seeing the young buck as being exploitative. I mean by law a woman under the influence cannot consent to sex.”

        I assume you’re joking.

        1. I am afraid not , it is a law The legal definiton of rape in my area is this:
          When the victim is incapable of giving consent because of mental deficiency or disease, or when the victim is incapable of giving consent because of the effect of any alcoholic liquor, narcotic, drug, or any other substance, which condition was known by the offender or was reasonably apparent to the offender.
          Check it out: http://www.k-state.edu/counseling/topics/alcohol/

        2. Wow. Obviously Lady Justice is much blinder and much stupider than the low bar that I already set for her.

          Clearly, the solution here is to either overturn the law or reinstate prohibition of alcohol for women. Any woman can have a sip of wine, knowingly get with a man and then accuse him of rape. In this case, Sam wasn't that damn drunk: she knew exactly what she was doing, and the kid could have caught jail time for consensual $ex if she decided in the morning that she had second thoughts about getting with "Shorty".

          So if this law is to be taken seriously, then women cannot be allowed to drink, especially in a place of social interaction such as a club, lounge or bar, because it impairs their judgment and withdraws their consent.

        3. Aside from the point that there are men that can be wrongfully accused of rape, the rest sounds like some predator's logic to me. The rewards are minium to the risks. I just think that a stronger. wiser man would seek a woman of sobriety and not argue it's inconvience.

      2. "blame it on the a a a a a alcohol" – lol wild argument!

        but really, that's a bit twisted to try and say the man exploited her after they had been dancing together and having drinks together all night. It would be one thing if he met the girl when she was already drunk and decided to swoop in make his move….but if they started the night together sober and she didn't shoo him away, drinking and dancing makes it a decision she would have to hold herself accountable for (and one you should also hold her accountable for)

        The most you could accuse the guy of is not being a total gentleman (who by the way had some a a a alcohol himself and was at first not totally as comfortable as she was with suggestive contact/dancing). Saying he is "exploitative" is too far of a stretch.

        1. since the law of the land seem to favor women when it comes to sexuality, if I were a man and if this exchange goes wrong afterwards, it would be my cross to bare not hers. I would error on the side of caution. Sam was random to him. It would be one thing if he knew her but he didn't. Why be so pressed to get it from a total stranger who is drunk anyway? That is in no way impressive, that's if anything is an easy prey. If she into you, the sex would be there sans alcohol. So just wait or will it not be easy? I'm just saying if I were a guy, I would have babygirl sober up cause I don't know how you would handle post sex remose.

  11. [email protected] says:

    Fellas, have you ever been so pressed for time, or so unwilling to go through the typical courtship rituals that you just decided instead to pay for it?

    As Lance propositioned it? Absolutely not. Just via the normal channels (paying for dinner, drinks, dates, etc.)

    And how do we feel about one night stands?

    Not my thing, but I have no issues with people that do it, as long as they are protecting themselves. I do look at her askance for bringing a guy she doesn't know from Adam into her home. That should have went to the Marriott.

    Can you understand why Sam felt the need to exert control over her sexuality?

    Is that what she did here? She turned down someone about two decades her senior who propositioned her for money. She had some drinks and had a one-night stand with a guy she had an attraction to after what appears to be a $exual drought. I guess one can justify that in their mind as "exerting control" if that's what they need to do to legitimize their actions to themselves, but I don't see a big deal with what she did.

  12. I don't assume that everyone's level of morality is the same as mine. To me it was simple, she mentioned her station in life, a broke college grad, and he made proposition. I'm not so quickly offended because there are people who have sex for money, its just not my thing. I'd get more enraged when it comes to unwanting touching and rape. I in no way would feel like his request was reflection of me but moreso him projecting his views and his experiences on to me. I'd laugh and say well that's illegal and besides I would never put a price on my body. I'd also say that if he had a work opportunities that didn't require the sacrifice of my dignity and self respect and his livelihood and freedoms than we can talk.

  13. I'm kinda mad that I found myself considering the offer in my mind and was irritated she smashed dude for free. Maybe it's this damn recession and baby daddy losing his job eight months ago, b/c I swear I was thinking about those two stacks

  14. So Sam can’t be bought, but she can sex a dude she JUST met, who’s name it doesn’t seem she even bothered to REMEMBER (if she even took time to GET it) IN HER BED AT HER HOUSE for FREE and managed to SMILE abt her conquest the next morning????
    I figure, more power to you homegirl, as long as you understand whatever it was that you were trying to prove to yourself.
    It don’t even matter what other people think as long as somehow this “one & only one night stand” (yeah, right…this ONE was too easy….) makes some kinda sense to Sam.

  15. So what do you all think?

    That Lance is stupid. And forget all that noise I was reading upthread. Sometimes, it's the way a woman carries herself, and sometimes men overstep their boundaries; this can either be based on signs they thought they were reading, or some arrogance that gives them the idea they can get whatever they want. It's not always the woman's fault. And if she was giving strong vibes, the proposition would have likely come much earlier, and he wouldn't have bothered with all those niceties.

    Have you ever had a man proposition you in this way?

    No. But I did have an older boy offer to pay me for a kiss when I was 11 or so. I think I did it, but he didn't give me the money because he'd wanted a "real" one and I barely grazed his lips. For shame. (._.)

    And how do we feel about one night stands?

    We are not a fan of the idea of casual sex in general.

    Can you understand why Sam felt the need to exert control over her sexuality?

    I guess, but it's counterproductive. You're upset that someone thinks a certain way of you, and then proceed to act in a way that could give someone else an equally unfavourable opinion of you as far as you're concerned. It's not worth it at all, and definitely wouldn't have been my course of action.

  16. i don't get turning down money that she could clearly use, just to have a free– no wait, she paid 40 for the cab– one night stand with a man whose name she doesn't know.

    just saying.

    i understand of course why one would turn down a proposition to essentially be a prostitute, but isn't that primarily about respect? so then why follow that with a one night stand in which it's commonly known the man probably won't respect you afterwards? in that case, it's more so about how the situation makes you feel in regards to your self-respect i guess.

    then again, i've never done either of those, so… maybe i'm not the one to comment. lol

    i suppose we learn and grown wiser from those types of situations though.

    i HAVE been propositioned before, when i was like 21 by this 40 Arab dude who asked if he could pay me 500 a week to perform oral (on me) twice a week. he owned a bunch of businesses in my neighborhood and i always saw him and spoke. he was cool with my mother and everything. i actually was thinking SHE should date him. then one day i walk into one of his businesses (i think it was the cleaners) and he's there alone. he started stammering and dang near drooling and offered that with the promise that he'd "eat me inside out."

    the heck. i looked at him like he was crazy and told him if he stopped talking that instant i MIGHT pretend that hadn't just come out of his mouth. …then he started apologizing profusely and whatnot. never spoke to him again.

    sorry this was so long. lol

    oh, and the writing on this one? not that it matters, but i enjoyed it so much more than part 1. good job.

  17. I'ma need Lance the wannabe Cat Daddies to have a thousand seats over there:………………………….._

    If I were in her shoes and I had slept with some random dude after a few drinks, I would have woken up and seriously asked myself why I didn't just sell it to Lance for $500 a week. My body, my choice and clearly I'm not making good choices at this point. Just sayin'.

    Yes, men have propositioned me before. Of course, I was *shocked* that anyone would think of such a thing. It really does mindfug you for a second, and you sit around wondering "did I just give someone a prosty vibe? Am I prosty-ish?" But it wasn't a regular occurance so, like most things, I forgot about it.

    Single Sam is young. Hearing about her adventures is fun and I often finding myself nodding my head as I read her stories. Keep it coming, this is hands down the best writing series on SBM.

  18. I rushed to grab my green tea, and expensive Starbucks pastry to enjoy a TO BE CONTINUED?!?! I am over here with hopes and dreams of a conclusion….the next installment will be when?

  19. *peels eyes from computer screen*

    MORE!!!

    This is taking me through the motions! My heart clenched as I read Lance's disgusting proposition, my eyes lit up at the pleasantly surprising easygoing exchange with the shorty, and my mouth dropped open at his continued presence at Sam's crib. Can't wait til the next installment!

    1. I'm with you. "MORE!!!"

      As for me I have no judgement to make or blame to place. It's all just living and learning. And strangely I'm not even mad a Lance, he tried and failed (or seems to have failed, because I don't know what happens next).

  20. These are great stories.

    I do think that his type of stuff happens to women all the time, but self analysis is in order. The same way that a dude who's labelled a "nice guy" might get sonned and walked on by women and you'd tell him he's doing something wrong, single sam should be held accountable. I dont think its wrong in any way to reflect on self and ask "what am i doing wrong?" "am i doing something to get this attention?" etc etc.

  21. I halfway agree w/ Dr. J up thread. Something sounds off about Sam the individual. And since Most didn't give much of a back story to preserve the young lady's identity, a lot is left to presume.

    After re-reading the 1st and then this edition, I think Sam may lack the inherent "spidey senses" some women have. That could come from lack of experience or exposure. Is she from a smaller town? Has she dated a lot in her past? How long has she been actually single (completely unattached) before moving to NY? She seems like your typical small-fish-in-a-big-pond that thinks the best of everyone. Especially being in a new city, you gotta be on guard at all times. When my sister moved out to Houston, I told her be leery of a dude that's being too nice or too convenient. Don't assume he's a savage, but just be leery to his intent.

    Can you understand why Sam felt the need to exert control over her sexuality?

    Ok, I see why Sam did what she did w/ short stack from the club. BUT, it's ironic that she had a problem doing the same thing w/ a guy she "trusted" and would help her out financially. You can't selectively have morals and boundaries

    My recent post Kids, Truth-Telling, and Critical Thinking

    1. "You can't selectively have morals and boundaries."
      Yup, actually you can.

      Tell me if you've heard this one before: "Come on girl, you know you want to – it's not like you're a virgin or something"

      So if a woman chooses to have sex with a man, now she is free game to all men. Methinks not.

      And correct me if I'm wrong, but Sam made no mention of her morals. She never condemned women that have sex for money, she is simply not one of them in this instance. Commenters today brought morals into it, not Sam. She made nary a mention of "morals" only lack of attraction to Herbert and she for [email protected] sure didn't wanna have chex with him. That makes her a hypocrite? Again, I'll require more people from you.

      Aaaand another thing, I paid for this soapbox for up to 5 paragraphs so I'm going to use it – are we really going to pretend that having consensual, casual sex and having sex for money are the same thing? Really? Is that where we're at? Seriously? That's what we're saying? Oh.
      http://bit.ly/xGZelO
      #DontWant

      1. Dying @ that photo

        I see what you're saying, but free consensual sex and compensated consensual sex are stripes on the same lion. She kicked it w/ "Lance" here and there, so they had a rapport and he wanted to help her out by getting something out of it too. That covers the casual part. And if she'd agreed to the arrangement, it's still consensual.

        I left out addressing her exertion of sexuality. I don't think she did, I think maybe she just tried to rationalize in her own head that she was worth more than $500 and if she wanted to smash, it wasn't gonna be motivated by money. So unless she sees 1-nighter dude again in the next edition…….she may as well have just taken the money
        My recent post Kids, Truth-Telling, and Critical Thinking

        1. "but free consensual sex and compensated consensual sex are stripes on the same lion"

          So, let me be clear *Obama voice* – to you, a woman having consensual sex and a woman having sex for money are basically the same thing? The addition of chex for money means nothing to you, same as regla old just having chex…is that correct? and do lions have stripes? I'm off topic…

          I feel safe saying that if you believe that, you are a minority my friend. on both them being the same and lions having stripes

          I think the simplest way to say this is: she didn't want to have chex with Lance.
          She did want to have chex with Shorty (anyone else feel disrespectful using that name for him?).
          And at least until 2012, unless Rush has anything to say about it, women are still able to choose their chex partners for themselves. We don't even have to tape it and put it online yet. We got us some rights and ish…for now.

        2. I meant tigers, my bad

          But I mean yeah, in this situation, they are the same. I didn't preface that in my response b/c I thought it was implied based on this being a concise story. In this situation, she felt comfortable enough to have a stranger come to HER HOUSE and smash w/out even knowing his name. Yet she had a problem w/ having casual "chex" for money w/ a dude that she had spent some time around and knew enough about. Given the information, I don't see how those 2 things are different.

          "I think the simplest way to say this is: she didn't want to have chex with Lance.
          She did want to have chex with Shorty" <– now this I do agree w/! Which she could've just said that. But to make it seem like it was the money? I don't know if I really buy that. Had it been Mr. Officer or some other age-appropriate, attractive dude (IE: her type) w/ a lower creep factor offering a few bills, I think it would've elicited a different response. She at least might've slept on it

          My recent post Kids, Truth-Telling, and Critical Thinking

  22. Steak? Mmm, hey for the bargain price of a plane ticket and $500 a night, I'd gladly give you mouth to mouth 😉

        1. Save your money, I don't put out. :-p"

          <game>Naw, it's not even like that. I just want to show you around town and have some fun. You know you need a little getaway.</game>

        2. <naive>Oh my gosh, a man that actually likes me for my brain and personality!! I KNEW good men existed!!</naive>

        3. lmbao at Star & Hugh and playing the ole skool "Love Connection" with Chuck Woolery music in my head….

  23. Hmmm…I don't know that Sam has exerted control over her sexuality. I think I'm a little older than most folks who comment on here and it took me years to understand this but my mama always said, "don't get chosen. You choose." This is not to say that you don't let the man be a "man" and court and pursue you, but that you see one you want (based on whatever matters to you – looks, values, character, personality, wealth, big feet) and you make it known that he can approach you. But it's clear (at least for you) that this is someone you want. Desire. And are attracted to.

    In all these situations Sam seems rather passive, goes with the flow, and in letting the man "choose" her she is losing because she is giving up some of her power and messing with dudes who aren't worthy but they've stepped to her, smiled, wined and dined and now it's like, "oh I'm caught." I owe him something. Now it woulda been a whole different story if she left the house like, "eff it! I'm bringing someone home ta-night (Bernie Mac voice)" But alas – that did not happen.
    My recent post Tuesday’s Thoughts – Get Free

    1. "In all these situations Sam seems rather passive, goes with the flow, and in letting the man "choose" her…."

      That's my impression of Sam thus far, which doesn't make her a bad person or worth saving. I just think her judgement on what/who she's reacting to is the bigger issue.
      My recent post Kids, Truth-Telling, and Critical Thinking

  24. this mess is crazy. young, degreed, unemployed in NYC. I guess I'm older too. Lance, is older, seemed polite enough, obviously doing well. He must be less attractive in the facebody then in the pockets. Damn that, I would've considered the offer and countered with terms.

  25. Have you ever had a man proposition you in this way? Yeah when I was in my early 20's on halloween and I was dressed in a french maid costume. Men (half-jokingly) offered me money to bend over and pick up stuff and "fake clean" their house. I told them thats about all they would get….lol
    And how do we feel about one night stands? Personally it's not my thing. Never was and never will be. Don't do the "fwb" thing either. Too many curable and incurable STD's going around nowadays. Not to mention the fact that since I desire to be in a serious relationship that would be self defeating and a waste of time. But I'm not judging anybody else….to each his own…whatever floats your boat. Just not my thing.

  26. Can you understand why Sam felt the need to exert control over her sexuality? I don't feel she exerted control over her sexuality at all. I can't understand why she went out and slept with a man she just met at a bar but seemed to get insulted over Lance asking offering her money for sex…..
    I also don't understand why Lance treated her like a hoe? I reread the story and don't see what she did to constitute being looked at and treated like a $2.00 hoe on the street.
    Unless he had a tude because he liked her and did 1 nice thing for her and paid for her nite out at his club and she gave him no play at all…..
    But then she told him she didn't need his help and he insisted upon giving it to her. I don't understand why some guys do that anyway……it's like they bet on the fact that they have done things for a woman and spent money on them and that should guarantee them some azz………but it don't, not all the time anyway.
    Men Stop doing costly stuff for women that you wouldn't do for free and you won't have that problem.

    1. "I reread the story and don't see what she did to constitute being looked at and treated like a $2.00 hoe on the street." This made me think about what I had read previously. Based on the story, Lance doesn't live that far away from her. It's likely he had been keeping a closer eye on her than she noticed. Sam said:
      "There were men here and there, a couple guys interested, a couple guys interesting, but it was summer and the counterintuitive humidity made it impossible for anything to stick."
      The "here and there men"… had they been to her house? Had he seen her with them? Who knows. But if the answer to these ?'s are "yes", he may have been a little indignant as to why these random dudes is getting play and not him (someone who had helped her out and put in time). How many "here and there men" had he seen her with (hypothetically speaking). Maybe his proposition was just a test. Like trying to figure out what it would actually take for her to give him the type of "time of day" he was looking for from her. IJS

  27. Great story… Only thing I don’t get is how having the one night stand made her feel empowered. She ended up having to pay for sex ( the 40 cab) instead of getting paid 500 a week. I wouldn’t have taken what lance said to heart to the point of cryin myself to sleep, he was trying to pay to play ain’t nothing wrong with that, his approach was disrespectful, he could have said “I think your attractive, I don’t have time for a serous relationship but I will take care of your wants and needs if you decided to deal with me on the next level.” anyway I’m glad she didn’t sleep with the old guy he seemed a little creepy after his ” phone call”. Sam seems like she’s just young and learning which is ok we all have to learn, I just hope she actually uses what she learns as her romantic life progresses.

    Can’t wait for the next story

  28. This is a very interesting post. Well-written and a good read.

    I had an old girlfriend who dated a guy who lived with his baby mama and they new baby. From what she told me, she was somewhat OK with it because they were "basically broken up" and he could lavish expensive gifts upon her. That same girlfriend claimed she would have been INTERESTED in being propositioned for sex. I couldn't vibe with that way of thinking and had to pull away from that situation entirely. In my opinion, that's the ugly side of the "Sex & The City" mentality in women in my age group in NYC.

  29. Now, let's just say for argument's sake that Sam was giving off certain vibes. Are we going to pretend that the way in which Herbert (as he was affectionately dubbed by Star) went about the proposition was normal? Tal'm 'bout "I don't have time for games" — click. "Eff me, take this money" — click. "don't be stupid." — click. Isn't it possible he was under the influence?

  30. I read this story too fast! My popcorn hadn't even finished popping! If Lance is in the bathroom I will lose my sh!t

    So what do you all think?

    I want to throat punch Lance for this. She could be buck naked every time he sees her for all I care. To call and say things like “I don’t have time for this shit” and hanging up? Right there we have issues. Lance made the decision to pull out his wallet well before setting up any “terms”; he set the precedent for Sam to accept without expectation. HE clearly doesn't know how to deal with women properly.

    Have you ever had a man proposition you in this way?

    The first time was when I was 15 at my first after school job. A supplier of my boss offered me $1000 to take me out “to dinner” and my boss – who he had assumed was a my mother – an additional $1000 to set it up. Apparently, this is how things were done where he was from. When she rejected it the offer, and explained that she wasn’t my mother (and said "as a mother…" then proceeded to cuss him), he insisted hearing the rejection she provided from me directly. I had to tell this 60 year old man that I wasn’t interested and be POLITE about it in order to preserve the business relationship she had. It freaked me out so much, I went to the bathroom and threw up after.

    Happened again last year. An influential man in my city (real influence) offered me an open door to his industry; I could be on the fast track. It would just mean sitting on his face…

    I said no. He only stopped in his pursuit because of my imaginary boyfriend.

    And how do we feel about one night stands?

    In theory, meh. But I’ve had them. I don’t search for them though.

    Can you understand why Sam felt the need to exert control over her sexuality?

    I do, but I think it will only confuse her more. Someone else pointed out that she doesn’t seem too experienced dating-wise. That being said, it was the first time. Everyone should try it once just to see if it suits them.

    Can't wait to see how this ends…

  31. I don't understand why people are questioning morals, ethics, intelligence, talking about her naivete, etc, etc. The author just sounds like a young lady figuring it all out on her own- like we ALL had to do- and who HASN'T had some missteps? In just two short "episodes", she has found out a lot about herself, HASN'T exactly been a portrait of promiscuity, and asks introspective questions to LEARN THE LESSONS. Who can say they did this coming straight out of college? I think a LOT of people are being entirely too hard on this young lady.
    Shoot, when I was younger I had a habit of attracting toxic, controlling men that would attempt to take advantag of me, abuse or even attempt assault untill I figured that ish out-and it took YEARS (I was a survivor of childhood abuse and had to learn how to NOT be a victim)! People who meet me now would NEVER think I was the type of person who was ever a victim of ANYTHING, but I HAD TO LEARN THE LESSONS. She is clearly learning hers. I commend you for sharing your story, & I look forward to more installments in the future! KUDOS TO YOU!!!

  32. Wow!!! Aren't we all holy.

    Deciding to have sex with a guy who you have an attraction (even if it is a one night stand) does not a hoe make. Deciding to have sex with a man and take his money for doing so does not a hoe make. Both are choices that people make which reveal something about their values.

    What is a hoe anyway and who gets to decide who is one? The virgin who waits till her wedding night but has kissed and fondled a fair share of frogs? The married woman who had less than five sexual partners? The single woman in her 20's, 30's, 40's who loves sex and has had more than 10 sexual partners? All I am saying is the definition of "hoe" is not objective.

    As far as I am concerned if you are not like the virgin Mary – no sex, kissing, fondling, NADA before marriage – then YOU JUST MIGHT BE A MALE/FEMALE hoe.

    Stop with all the freaking holier than thou comments. Just say "I wouldn't do x or/and y" or "I wouldn't wife/husband someone who has had one night stand(s), exchanged sex for money or offered money in exchange for sex".

  33. Uummm.. 3 pino grigios later and oncest again, it's a recession,baby-daddy got fired plus really, I found "The Girlfriend Experience" intriguing……

  34. Healthy, mature, divorced, fun, relaxed, and honest preferred. 5Yrs untouched, professional, uncomplicated, yet personable, athletic, and smart and beautiful…..

  35. The irony I noticed is that some of the women that say “you gotta pay to play” are the same ones who get offended when a dude says the same thing to them. Is it only okay if the women say that? Tnot that it matters to me, I’m not playing those games, but I find that concept interesting). The comedy of it all….

  36. I've been seeing a few comments about Sam "asserting control over her sexuality" by having a one night stand. Was that decision made after the third or fourth martini? I, for one, am impressed. We should all be so decisive and sure of purpose under the influence of alcohol.

    And before someone throws out the "slut shaming" accusation, let me stop you. I'm a strong advocate of sleeping with whomever you want, as many times as you want, for as long as all parties are on-board. The very concept of "sluttiness" needs to fall by the wayside. Sex is fun. Sex is healthy. Sex…is great. Like pizza, even when it's bad, it's kind of good. But if you're going to engage, encourage, enable, or incite this behavior, own it. Don't attach meaning to it or think up a euphemism to say that it's something it's not. You're not fooling anyone.

    As for Lance, there's something people have failed to ask. Why did he think this was okay in the first place? Somewhere along the way, he thought it was okay to make this kind of offer. Without knowing his full background, I believe it's because this method has worked for him before. I don't think he woke up one day and just decided "Hey, I think I'll propose sex for money to this woman who has become a friend of mine." My instincts tell me this is something he's done before, and done successfully. That's a whole other problem. I really think Sam should have done more. Put him on blast, create a website, post his face…something. Schit like that shouldn't stand.

  37. This was a wonderfully written piece and I enjoyed it. I wonder how old Sam is exactly because her decisions regarding her dating life seem like things my friends and I were doing in our very early 20’s. It seems like she is still trying to gain some footing in the dating world, and I hope she has learned some very vaulable lessons. For example, the officer was a Red Flag, not a pink one. Lance: He was a jerk and a weirdo, but I hate that his perversion reduced her to tears. The one night stand: Le sigh. Her sleeping with him lends me to believe (as with the officer) that there are some self esteem issues at hand. Lastly the comments on this thread: So I am the only one put off by the fact that a lot of women here were saying that she is dumb for not “getting paid” or chiming in justifying her prostituting herself out to this man because “times are hard” What??! Common now. I am sorry but my mouth is still open about this. Call me prude, but dang I thought her not doing that was one of the smarter decision she made.

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