Don’t ask me why, but I was trying to figure out the definition for one night stands recently. Apparently, like most things involving sexual relations, there is no agreed upon definition. As a side note, the same thing goes for the phrase “hooking up.” I’ve heard people – mostly women (all women) – use the phrase “we hooked up” to mean everything from kissing to group relations and everything in between. That’s another blog for another day. Today I want to focus on one night stands. As usual, I posed this question to Twitter first and there were roughly four categories.
1) Must be a stranger. I found this weird but most people focused on the idea of the person they’re having relations with being a stranger. For example, if you’ve casually known of this person for years because you run in the same circles then finally “hook up,” that isn’t a one night stand. I guess. If the first time you talk to me you have your jeans around your ankles, I’m going to feel some type of way about that even if you are in a friend of a friend’s Google Plus circle.
2) Met a stranger and had relations within 24 hours. This definition is pretty straightforward and I think we can all agree on this one with no debate.
3) Met a stranger and had relations within 24 hours with no contact after. Now we’re starting to enter the Twilight Zone. I’m afraid things will only get more confusingly diabolical from here. A lot of people said you could have relations on the first night, but if you kept in touch with the person, however minimal, then it wasn’t a one night stand. I gotta say this doesn’t make a lot of sense.
The time frame within relations occurred has no bearing upon whether it was a one night stand or not? This means if you send so much as a text message to say “had a good time last night,” the person can consider you more than a one night stand. I think people are just trying to save face. I personally still consider this a one night stand because I believe it is timing, not communication that dictates if it were a one night stand or not. How well can you know a person you met 24 hours (or less) ago? You might get to know them after; not that there’s anything wrong with that. But, if it quacks like a duck and looks like a duck, it is likely a duck…a duck you had a one night stand with.
4) Met a “stranger” for the first time in person and had relations within 24 hours, with or without contact afterwards. This one is a byproduct of social media. In this day and age, people can “talk” for days, weeks, or months without ever having a single face to face conversation. For men, this makes “dating” extremely easy and studies have shown that social media communications benefit men more, too. The question becomes, how well can you really know a person when all you’ve ever exchanged is characters and emoticons?
If the first time you really meet and you exchange bodily fluids, how is that not a one night stand? Does the barrier of on-line (or text message) communications in between negate the fact that when you first met you had relations on the first night? I’m not sure I agree with that logic, but I understand how someone can reach such a conclusion. In addition, referring back to category #2 does it matter if you never communicate again – through whatever medium?
What are your thoughts on these categories? Do any or all encompass how you would define a “one night stand”? Do you think men and women define them differently? And what the hell does “hooking up” mean?