We all do dumb things when we’re in love. Men and women will love their partners to death, but they just can’t resist doing the oddest things to show it. I created a list of asinine actions that women do in relationships, and then I realized men do the opposite and neither is right. Check out what I came up with…
1) Women: Call him – When women feel something is on their mind, whether it is related to their man or not, their first reaction is to pick up the phone and call. This is a horrible idea. My advice to most women when they have an issue with something in the world is, “Don’t call him.” Don’t bring his day down just because yours is headed to the crapper.
Men: Don’t call her – A man can be completely over his head in a situation that may require him to seek advice from his girlfriend, yet he won’t call her until the Bills win the Super Bowl. In addition, there are situations that men get themselves into, where we choose to not call because we might get in trouble. Trust me, if dude’s night turns into gentleman’s night, if you know what I mean, CALL HER.
2) Women: Stress him out – If I could tell anyone how to keep a man, it would start with this, “Don’t stress him out.” That’s one of the main reasons why men go to women— they are the perfect stress reducer. When women fail to stop for a moment and think if their actions will stress their man out, they fail miserably.
Men: Let things fester – Most men avoid arguments, conversations, and discourse like the plague. They’ll chose to let a situation fester rather than addressing it and dealing with a little tension. Bad idea, bro. When men let things fester, the only people affected by the stress is the man. This causes a volcanic situation under the surface and when it comes out, hell hath no fury like it.
3) Women: Tell white lies – Women are super smooth with their lies. They tell a little truth and then a little lie. As men, we have ego problems; we don’t realize it. Seems like a good strategy for those women. The problem is those white lies add up to a closet full of lies. Sooner or later they spill over.
Men: Tell lies of magnanimous proportion – Any time a man needs to come up with a lie, he thinks Motion Picture status. Most men will choose telling a story that sounds similar to War of the Worlds than the truth. While women have found ways to tell little white lies that aren’t alarming, men tell the absolute worst lies. Then, we expect our significant other to believe the story. “Baby, my phone died and no one else had a phone; all our phones died. Except Mo’s phone, he dropped it in the river.”
4) Women: Tell everybody their business looking for advice – If you lend a woman your ear, she’ll tell you everything that’s going on in her relationship. The only person she won’t tell is her man. Probably because she is convinced he won’t want to talk about it, anyway, but still this is a horrible strategy. You remotely like the man your homegirl is dating, but you take her advice on how to keep your man satisfied?
Men: Tell nobody sh*t and try to figure it out on their own – If you’re wondering why some craziness popped off in your last interaction with a man, it’s because we don’t ask anyone for dating advice. It’s not until a man reaches a certain level of maturity that he realizes he can actually entrust his situation in the minds of others. The male way of relationship problem solving is to just throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks.
5) Women: Brag to their friends about how great their man is – Women know how grimy their friends are, but they can’t resist a moment to tell their girls how great their man is. After spending each waking moment bragging about how great he is, they’re surprised that one of their “friends” slept with him.
Men: Tell nobody sh*t about how great their girl is – Most men spend almost all their time complaining about their lady or talking about something that she doesn’t do that he wants. If you never tell anyone how great your lady is, everyone will assume she’s a horrible person. How can you expect people to regard the woman you date highly if you don’t?
6) Women: Convinced they know what he really means – Women are convinced that a man doesn’t know what he wants or that he’s running game. Everything he says is responded to with, “You said this, but what you meant is, that.” Yet they struggle for reasons as to why he’s never satisfied or continuously frustrated.
Men: Decide to take everything she says literally – When men get fed up with trying to interpret what women are trying to say, we start to just take things at face value. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we know doggone well something is wrong when she says, “It’s ok; don’t worry about it.” We convince ourselves that this will make her communicate better. It won’t— it will make her move on faster.
7) Women: Turn House Hunters and Say Yes to the Dress into quality time – Women are constantly searching to become one with their man or at least share in the things that make each other happy. Women don’t believe in boundaries; they believe in agreements on space. The difference between the two is that a boundary can’t be passed; the agreement can be renegotiated.
Men: Do everything in their power to watch TV without their significant other – Men love football on Sundays, but we’re never too keen on spending that time with just our lady. We’d rather spend our TV time with the fellas. There is a time and place for everything, but for the shows or movies that men really love, we want to catch them with the boys.
8) Women: Confide in an old flame about their current relationship headaches – Every woman has that one guy that she would have loved to work something out with but it didn’t. When it failed, she convinced herself that they could be just friends. That guy is not her friend; he is the guy who has the power to make her dream about things that could have been.
Men: Confide in a potential flame about their current relationship headaches – I’ve seen men meet women in bars and immediately open up about their relationships and how their old lady is bugging out. They will try and paint a picture of how unhappy they are in the relationship, hoping this new girl will propose a solution. If she does, she’s a dirtbag. If she doesn’t, it’s probably because she thinks less of you for not just breaking things off.
9) Women: Wear their relationship on their sleeve or like a championship belt – Women feel like they’ve “finally arrived” when they get a ring or a serious relationship. They turn themselves into dating experts and start wanting everyone to crown them the Queen of the Universe. A relationship is not a championship belt or something that people want to be smothered with.
Men: Refuse to confirm their relationship status to anyone but God – Men will deny their girlfriend more than Peter denied Jesus. Now this doesn’t mean they are trying to cheat; they just won’t confirm their relationship status. I’m not talking about Facebook. I’m talking about their best friends not having a clue. To follow up on an earlier point, if you don’t respect your girlfriend, don’t expect me to either.
10) Women: Let go of who they were before the relationship – If a girl used to go to the gym… let me stop. Many times what I notice is that when women are in a relationship, they focus on two becoming one so much that they don’t resemble who they were beforehand.
Men: Hold on to who they were before the relationship – A man will hold on to even his bad qualities once he’s in a relationship, just to make a point. I’m always surprised at this. I have friends who, before they were in a relationship, just stayed in the house playing video games all day. I would tell them, “Man, you need to get out the house and interact with people.” Then, they get a girl, and they are still in the house playing video games. I just don’t get it.
None of these will be the sole reason why a relationship fails. As I’ve learned and tried to share with people, relationships fail when one party feels that the other does not have the power or will to change. Most of these relationship fails people do without even knowing. Once brought to their attention, they typically work to change them. I wanted this to come across lighthearted, but when you think about it, it’s a serious matter. When these things occur in a relationship, they’re funny because of the unawareness of the matter. It’s these same things that will remain on the unspoken list of when he or she doesn’t have “it.”
What do you think about this list? Are there any left off that you’d like to add? Or, maybe a quick story about a relationship from your past or present? Enjoy your Friday, I’m out.