Ten Relationship Fails Men and Women Do That Make Absolutely No Sense

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Her: WE need to talk about this. || Him: WE don't need to talk about this, you need to talk about this.

We all do dumb things when we’re in love. Men and women will love their partners to death, but they just can’t resist doing the oddest things to show it. I created a list of asinine actions that women do in relationships, and then I realized men do the opposite and neither is right. Check out what I came up with…

1) Women: Call him – When women feel something is on their mind, whether it is related to their man or not, their first reaction is to pick up the phone and call. This is a horrible idea. My advice to most women when they have an issue with something in the world is, “Don’t call him.” Don’t bring his day down just because yours is headed to the crapper.

Men: Don’t call her – A man can be completely over his head in a situation that may require him to seek advice from his girlfriend, yet he won’t call her until the Bills win the Super Bowl. In addition, there are situations that men get themselves into, where we choose to not call because we might get in trouble. Trust me, if dude’s night turns into gentleman’s night, if you know what I mean, CALL HER.

2) Women: Stress him out If I could tell anyone how to keep a man, it would start with this, “Don’t stress him out.” That’s one of the main reasons why men go to women— they are the perfect stress reducer. When women fail to stop for a moment and think if their actions will stress their man out, they fail miserably.

Men: Let things fester – Most men avoid arguments, conversations, and discourse like the plague. They’ll chose to let a situation fester rather than addressing it and dealing with a little tension. Bad idea, bro. When men let things fester, the only people affected by the stress is the man. This causes a volcanic situation under the surface and when it comes out, hell hath no fury like it.

3) Women: Tell white lies – Women are super smooth with their lies. They tell a little truth and then a little lie. As men, we have ego problems; we don’t realize it. Seems like a good strategy for those women. The problem is those white lies add up to a closet full of lies. Sooner or later they spill over.

Men: Tell lies of magnanimous proportion – Any time a man needs to come up with a lie, he thinks Motion Picture status. Most men will choose telling a story that sounds similar to War of the Worlds than the truth. While women have found ways to tell little white lies that aren’t alarming, men tell the absolute worst lies. Then, we expect our significant other to believe the story. “Baby, my phone died and no one else had a phone; all our phones died. Except Mo’s phone, he dropped it in the river.”

4) Women: Tell everybody their business looking for advice – If you lend a woman your ear, she’ll tell you everything that’s going on in her relationship. The only person she won’t tell is her man. Probably because she is convinced he won’t want to talk about it, anyway, but still this is a horrible strategy. You remotely like the man your homegirl is dating, but you take her advice on how to keep your man satisfied?

Men: Tell nobody sh*t and try to figure it out on their own – If you’re wondering why some craziness popped off in your last interaction with a man, it’s because we don’t ask anyone for dating advice. It’s not until a man reaches a certain level of maturity that he realizes he can actually entrust his situation in the minds of others. The male way of relationship problem solving is to just throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks.

5) Women: Brag to their friends about how great their man is – Women know how grimy their friends are, but they can’t resist a moment to tell their girls how great their man is. After spending each waking moment bragging about how great he is, they’re surprised that one of theirfriends slept with him.

Men: Tell nobody sh*t about how great their girl is – Most men spend almost all their time complaining about their lady or talking about something that she doesn’t do that he wants. If you never tell anyone how great your lady is, everyone will assume she’s a horrible person. How can you expect people to regard the woman you date highly if you don’t?

6) Women: Convinced they know what he really means – Women are convinced that a man doesn’t know what he wants or that he’s running game. Everything he says is responded to with, “You said this, but what you meant is, that.” Yet they struggle for reasons as to why he’s never satisfied or continuously frustrated.

Men: Decide to take everything she says literally – When men get fed up with trying to interpret what women are trying to say, we start to just take things at face value. Let’s be honest with ourselves, we know doggone well something is wrong when she says, It’s ok; don’t worry about it.” We convince ourselves that this will make her communicate better. It won’t— it will make her move on faster.

7) Women: Turn House Hunters and Say Yes to the Dress into quality time – Women are constantly searching to become one with their man or at least share in the things that make each other happy. Women don’t believe in boundaries; they believe in agreements on space. The difference between the two is that a boundary can’t be passed; the agreement can be renegotiated.

Men: Do everything in their power to watch TV without their significant other – Men love football on Sundays, but we’re never too keen on spending that time with just our lady. We’d rather spend our TV time with the fellas. There is a time and place for everything, but for the shows or movies that men really love, we want to catch them with the boys.

8) Women: Confide in an old flame about their current relationship headaches – Every woman has that one guy that she would have loved to work something out with but it didn’t. When it failed, she convinced herself that they could be just friends. That guy is not her friend; he is the guy who has the power to make her dream about things that could have been.

Men: Confide in a potential flame about their current relationship headaches – I’ve seen men meet women in bars and immediately open up about their relationships and how their old lady is bugging out. They will try and paint a picture of how unhappy they are in the relationship, hoping this new girl will propose a solution. If she does, she’s a dirtbag. If she doesn’t, it’s probably because she thinks less of you for not just breaking things off.

9) Women: Wear their relationship on their sleeve or like a championship belt  Women feel like they’vefinally arrived when they get a ring or a serious relationship. They turn themselves into dating experts and start wanting everyone to crown them the Queen of the Universe. A relationship is not a championship belt or something that people want to be smothered with.

Men: Refuse to confirm their relationship status to anyone but God – Men will deny their girlfriend more than Peter denied Jesus. Now this doesn’t mean they are trying to cheat; they just won’t confirm their relationship status. I’m not talking about Facebook.  I’m talking about their best friends not having a clue. To follow up on an earlier point, if you don’t respect your girlfriend, don’t expect me to either.

10) Women: Let go of who they were before the relationship – If a girl used to go to the gym… let me stop. Many times what I notice is that when women are in a relationship, they focus on two becoming one so much that they don’t resemble who they were beforehand.

Men: Hold on to who they were before the relationship – A man will hold on to even his bad qualities once he’s in a relationship, just to make a point. I’m always surprised at this. I have friends who, before they were in a relationship, just stayed in the house playing video games all day. I would tell them, Man, you need to get out the house and interact with people.”  Then, they get a girl, and they are still in the house playing video games. I just don’t get it.

None of these will be the sole reason why a relationship fails. As I’ve learned and tried to share with people, relationships fail when one party feels that the other does not have the power or will to change. Most of these relationship fails people do without even knowing.  Once brought to their attention, they typically work to change them. I wanted this to come across lighthearted, but when you think about it, it’s a serious matter. When these things occur in a relationship, they’re funny because of the unawareness of the matter. It’s these same things that will remain on the unspoken list of when he or she doesn’t have “it.”

What do you think about this list? Are there any left off that you’d like to add? Or, maybe a quick story about a relationship from your past or present? Enjoy your Friday, I’m out.

- Dr. J

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From Our Partners

  • Jamillah

    This list is so on point I almost had to laugh.

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    Accurate and articulated very well.

  • http://twitter.com/judyneno @judyneno

    This is so true to life. No. 10 was true for me in my previous relationship. I am getting better at being an individual in a relationship though it does take conscious effort on my part.

    Great post!

  • Tasha

    Oh boy. T.V time damn near killed my relationship with my boyfriend (now husband… oh yeah!!!) back in the day! He always wanted to watch some stupid game or the other and being Mr. popular all his boys would be trying to come round the house EVERY DAMN SUNDAY and sometimes during the week to watch recaps (why do you have to watch them recap a game you JUST saw?! Do men not pay attention during the actual game???) So one sunday I got pissed off called my girls over and changed the channel and sat there and watched Desperate housewives while he and his boys looked round like WTF!

    The fight that ensued that night lasted an entire week and blew the lid off of every issue we had ever had. We really almost broke up over that. I felt bad as heck but really didn't want to back down (though I knew I was kinda wrong for making him look foolish in front of his boys). Had to weigh my pride against my love for him. Love won.

    The next weekend I went out and bought a flat screen for the basement, a massage chair for him, texted all his boys to come over and made them chicken wings and nachos, not to mention ran up and down the stairs getting them beers and shit. (I felt like a fool the entire time and kept reminding them that this was a ONE DAY ONLY THING. They could get their own damn beers next week).

    Moral of the story? Have two tvs in your home people!!! Three if you've got kids

    PS- he proposed two weeks after this happened. His exact words: "Man if you make enough money to be balling out on tvs and funky chairs and shit I plan to be riding on your coat tails forever." I kid you not. Still not sure how I said yes instead o kicking him in the nuts. LOL

    • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

      This story brought a tear to my eye…

    • Mr. SD

      Cool story..lol

    • Streetz

      HAHAHAHA what a story

    • Sarah

      I'm with Amaris on this one, in tears over here!
      My recent post

    • peter parker

      Definitely traits of a good wifey!

    • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Fariku
    • Betty Jean

      HAHA!!! Too funny! #DEAD

    • Oh ok…

      So true! Honestly this is the REALIST relationship story I’ve heard thus far. I can relate! :-)

  • http://youreratchet.blogspot.com Young Heaux

    Damn. List is on point. Although I just discovered I'm a man 'cause I really do most of the male sh*t!
    My recent post Dentist pulls out all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    1. I simply do not like the phone. I hate being called for non emergencies and i dont call unless i want immediate answers and dnt want to wait for text replies

    2. There’s a time and place for everything and in my crib when i’m trying to watch Around the Horn is not it. I’m not letting things fester, i’m just….rescheduling. lol

    3. I do not lie as much these days. It takes up too much energy trying to remember the lie, lie to support the lie, and keep others in the loop of the lie to stay consistant with their lies. You see, too much.

    4. Its not that im not mature enough to trust others with my problems i just rather sit alone in my four corner room staring at candles and figure it out on my own.

    5. This I know is a problem of mine. If I’m with someone and someone asks about my girl i say she’s good she’s fine as generic an answer as the usual question is. However as i said in #4 i dont complain either. I’m just private i guess.

    6. Its odd because it is usually the opposite for me. I’m always assuming the gist of what she’s saying while she’s constantly taking every word i say too seriously.

    7. I like to watch the game at a friends, at a bar or home alone where i can at least tweet my commentary that no one else is around to hear. I’ve tried watching the game with a chick and then i get in trouble if i have my phone out. Also i hate reality tv so if u make me watch it, i will only stress how scripted or basic it is.

    8. I used to do this often, not because i really cared about her opinion but just to see where her head is at on certain issues.

    9. This i do not do. If i’m booed up i’m booed up (however thats all you will know see #4, #5, #8) and lol at chicks rocking their relationship status like a discount double check

    10. I dont know many who would go head and switch they whole style up bcause they got consistant good good in they life, especially if they got her despite the flaws.

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      Holy strike fail Batman…

      • krystllyght

        LMAO you just gave me a good laugh Tristan!

  • krystllyght

    Dang this is a long list. Ya'll sure make a lot of mistakes! lol Good post Doc.

  • http://twitter.com/MikasThoughts @MikasThoughts

    I am literally LOL.

    did you say dirtbag?

    This list is so clever…and accurate.

  • Larry

    "I created a list of asinine actions that women do in relationships, and then I realized men do the opposite and neither is right…."

    I'm glad you brought up the age old counter "well men do it, too" within the post. We all know it would have definitely been brought up in the comments. Kudos for saving people some time from typing, lol.

  • Babes

    "I wanted this to come across lighthearted, but when you think about it, it’s a serious matter. When these things occur in a relationship, they’re funny because of the unawareness of the matter. It’s these same things that will remain on the unspoken list of when he or she doesn’t have “it.”

    I couldn't agree more. Great post!

  • http://moacn.wordpress.com Sir Fariku

    These are all pretty accurate and I think we really do most of these things without knowing we are doing it. I am pretty expressive at least for a dude so if I m really enjoying a relationship, I will tell my closest friends how great my girl is and how she does not stress me out and stuff. I m that guy in the group who is "a sucka for love" because I will ask my boys for dating advice, I will tell my boys how great my girl is but for me I will only do that if the girl is not stressing me out. I have been in situations where I was stressed and boy, I was walking around like I had a cloud hanging over my head. I think sometimes people dont realize that true love does not have to be stressful all the time. Sometimes it can be calm and passionate like a flowing stream.
    My recent post Is Marriage a Destination or a Journey? Thoughts on Marriage

  • Bree

    What do you think about this list? Are there any left off that you’d like to add? Or, maybe a quick story about a relationship from your past or present?
    Dang this is some heavy stuff for a friday Doc J. But it's all good.
    I agree that all of these can contribute to the demise of a relationship.
    Number 1 for women I don't agree with. I would qualify it to say women should use some discretion and be considerate of their man with regards to what place he may be in and what he may be dealing with at that time.

  • GirlintheShoes

    I had to stop at number five to just to ink a very quick co-sign. If you've never told me anything positive about your mate…and you are my friend…then don't expect me to think the person is wonderful. I have no evidence to support that. At. All.

    • Bree

      I cosign on that too GirintheShoes……..whenever I'm around folks who constantly complain about their relationship and their s/o I ask them "why the hell are you with this person?" "Doesn't sound like you even like them, much less love them."

  • Bree

    I don't think they should not share all they want to share with their man/husband. I think they should simply share things at the right time and place.
    One thing I read in a magazine and agree with and have done and it's worked very well is this:
    When you or your man first get home from work Do Not immediately unload everything thats wrong on him. Give him time to decompress and relax and wind down. Let him tell you how his day was or whatever is on his mind first.
    Then once he is fed real good and nice and relaxed, and your rubbing his shoulders or stroking his di** then you can calmly tell him the good, the bad, and the ugly.
    This works well with men and women. Generally speaking the best time to tell someone bad or stressful news is after they are fed and in a nice calm and relaxed state.
    They tend to take it much better and are calmer then.
    I have no real good stories I can think of now and have the time to get into.
    All I can say is "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus."

    • krystllyght

      What the heck magazine were you reading?

      • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

        I am not going to lie, I read that ish, too! I can't remember for the life of me where, though!

      • Bree

        lol….I read that in Cosmo and Redbook or one of those magazines like that Krystl.
        I threw in that xtra stuff about feeding him, rubbing his shoulders, and di** ……lol. But I do know
        that after a good meal when their bellies are full, most people are more relaxed and in a better mood.
        I did read that men want time to decompress after work and do not want their woman telling them everything thats wrong as soon as they hit the door.

        • krystllyght

          I think not dropping all of your problems on him as soon as he walks in the door is cool beans but when you said tell him when you're rubbing his d I was like whaaa? I don't think he'll be listening hon. lol Just cracked me up because I got the visual. Be rubbing it like "…and can you believe that b*tch said that sh*t to me? This is why I don't deal with females…." *rub suck"…and my boss just gets on my nerves just because she's the boss don't mean she can tell me what to do…." *suck suck* "…ninja you listenin? Anyway, I just found out I've got diabetes…" *rub suck*
          IDK if that's a good time.

        • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

          **DEAD**

        • Bree

          lmbao….Krystl u a mess……no girl you do that xtra stuff when you want stuff done around the house or want shopping money or gas money or lunch money or just when u want something………lol

        • starita34

          bwahahahahahaha

          You got me ROLLIN Krys!!! LMAO!! That visual!! !!!!

          !!!

          !
          !!

  • Vonecia

    Wow, I was definitely guilty of about half of these things. You're right, it makes absolutely no sense haha. But I can proudly say that I have learned from my mistakes.

  • Yasmin

    Guys do talk to their friends about problems, but more to reassure themselves that they're right. example: "My girl's hanging out with her guy friend too much, that's fucked right?" "You shouldn't let her do that, they're probably fucking. You should lay down the rules." "Word, let me call her right now…" It's like a spiral of horrible relationship decisions.

  • lifecoachtisha

    #4 happens (The only person she won’t tell is her man.) because of #1(“Don’t call him.”) When a woman cannot generally confide in her man (about her worldly issues) she may be very apprehesive to discuss anything at all with him. If your significant other is not your safe place (refuge) then its been my experience that interactons/communication may become strained and turmoil will start to root.

    Sidebar: I've adopted a NO "Facebook" relationship announcement clause for my future LTR (as a matter of fact, we dont even needs to be friends via social networking)

    #SoSincere

  • http://www.levonsobsessions.com Levon

    Well put. Love it..

  • karla

    I must be a man then, because I barely relate with the women.I tell sooo many white lies,but I hardly ever tell anyone about my relationship status unless they beg, and I don't believe in asking for advice or stressing out over any man.So idk…

  • http://seduceawomaninstantly.com Thomas

    Brilliant list! I had to laugh because it was so spot on.
    My recent post Click one of the post titles above to include it at the end of your comment

  • Rosy

    Wow! This is pretty well written, funny, and insightful.
    I am a female and I dont think I fit all the situations for the woman but when I don't I fit under the man's reaction. Well done!

    Kudos on breaking down the concepts in a tangible manner.
    I am in a relationship with a man who feels as if "it is no one's business" if we are in a relationship.
    His parents and his very close friends know me, but no one at his work does.
    This bothers me and I didn't know how to phrase it, but I think you did a good job here.

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