Why Black Women Should Date White Men

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Ok, so I might have hated a lil bit this one time.

I don’t know why, but people like forwarding me links to “interesting” content around the web. Last week was no exception. Someone suggested I check out a YouTube video about a book that came out a few years ago that I’d never heard of, A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men. The author, Niki McElroy (@DatingWhiteMen), runs the appropriately titled website: TheCreamInMyCoffee.com. I’m not going to read the book but I’d be happy to hear from anyone who has; instead, I took the easy way out and watched a couple YouTube videos featuring a panel of women discussing the book along with the author.

Apparently, the discussion of why black women/men date white women/men is a popular topic on YouTube, since there appears to be an unlimited (and growing) number of videos on the subject. Some are more insightful than others. Some are outright ignorant – with the member of the group dating outside of their race often making racist statements about the race they were born into but choose to date outside of. Of course, this idea of dating white men isn’t new. Just last year, Ralph Richard Banks, a Stanford law professor, suggested in a book and an op-ed for the Wall Street Journal that the key to achieving the dream of marriage for black women actually lies in the arms of white, Asian or Latino men.

However, one YouTube video in particular that caught my eye, clocking over 100,000 views, was Why Black Women Date White Guys by, “BLKBArBieGOnECraZyAh.” I normally don’t heed insights from people wHo TyPe LiKe Dis but I think her justifications are familiar. They include:

  • “A lot of black women are starting to date outside of their race because we’re tired of the drama; tired of the headaches; tired of the anger that black men show towards black women. A lot of black women get beat; get mistreated; just don’t get loved by the black man.
  • I have yet to meet that particular black guy that’s swooped me off my feet and when I say swoop me off my feet I mean everything: being smart, funny, being intelligent, being logical, being understanding and knowing what they want from their life…versus when you get a white guy or a Caucasian or someone from a different race. I’m not gonna say every black guy. I’m just saying I haven’t met that black guy. When I date outside my race, they tend to be the most sweet hearted guys, ever.
  • But a lot of black guys do not like that [more black women are dating white men]. You guys are really bad haters. I cannot believe black guys, yall are haters. When you had a sister, you didn’t wanna do anything and now you’re mad?”

If you think I’m here today to bash black women who date outside of their race, you will be disappointed. Frankly, I recommend it.  I’ve never shied away from admitting that I date outside of black women from time to time, so this pot will not be calling the kettle black.

What I do find amusing is people’s excuses for dating outside of their race, especially the fact that they feel they need an excuse at all. If you see me with a woman, not that I care why you think I’m with her, the reason I’m with her is because I feel like it. It’s really that simple. I approach women I find attractive and it just so happens that I find women of varying skin tone attractive. If you see me with a Black woman, it’s because I like her. If you see me with a Spanish woman, it’s because I like her. If you see me with a White woman, it’s because I like her. You might notice a pattern here.

I’m not going to date a black woman I don’t like any quicker than I’ll date a white woman I don’t like – and I’m not going to date a woman I’m not attracted to of any race. There is no vast conspiracy behind my actions, but you are welcome to attribute your own self-conscious justifications upon me if it makes you feel better and sleep easier at night. I wouldn’t want anyone having a restless night’s sleep over me. I’m not worth it.

Regarding my thoughts on the broader population, it seems strange that in order to justify dating outside of your race you have to put down members of your own race. What does that say about you? Sure, you can date outside of your race but you can’t escape your race. If you want to date white men/women, more power to you, but if you have to put black men/women down to justify your actions, I find your motives questionable. As the author of the book points out in her video, dating outside of your race doesn’t mean you’re dating an alien.

A quick editor’s note: if you see (or think, since you have no way of knowing for sure in most cases and could very well be projecting your own insecurities on others) a group of black/white men/women hating on your interracial relationship it is likely because one or both of you is attractive. In my experience, no one, of any race, cares what the ugly people of their race is or is not doing. While you might not like the attention, it is a backhanded compliment that anyone, anywhere cares enough to pay attention to you. Their “hate” likely means you have something they desire in their own lives; whether it be an attractive significant other, love, or even something as simple as happiness.

If you're happy, who cares what others think?

Having dated women of varied racial backgrounds, I can safely say there is far more that unites them than divides them. Although, it is pretty interesting to hear the misguided impressions white/black women have of black/white women. (For the record, y’all both assume the other is freakier / naughtier in bed. In actuality, y’all are both disgusting, and I love you for it.) I imagine this extends to black/white men, too. This is why I recommend people – if you’re curious – date outside of your race. This should allow you to gain some personal perspective rather than relying on something you heard from a friend of a friend of a friend who happened to go on one interracial date once to watch that Something New movie in 2006.

In my opinion, all you’ll usually find is the grass you believed was so much greener on the other side of the racially ambiguous fence is really just more grass. You’ll find good women/men and bad men/women from all racial backgrounds. Assigning an attribute such as good or bad to a whole race of people simply because you had a bad experience with a few of them is, frankly, dumb. I say a few, because if you’ve had a bad experience with everyone you’ve dated, then what does that say about your choices? You are, after all, the common factor. Therefore, I doubt dating another race will suddenly remedy your poor decision making. For example, I assume if you like black assholes, you’ll only turn around and date white assholes. However, I guess your conclusion will be that all men are assholes.

Perhaps I’m being too altruistic in my views, but I think finding someone that makes you happy is all that matters. Nevertheless, if you finally find happiness with someone of a different race, it doesn’t mean you have to turn around and bash all the members of the race who mirror you but happen to be of the opposite sex. Chill. Just update your Facebook status and enjoy your temporary relationship bliss like everyone else.

1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys? 2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race? 3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to? 4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different? If yes, what are the differences and why do you feel those same qualities were difficult to find in men/women who resembled you?

 

 

Reminder: SingleBlackMale.org is hosting Happy Hour in DC this Friday at Park! The easiest way to RSVP is by clicking HERE. If you are unable to access that link or your job is a hater, RSVP by sending names to [email protected] See you there!

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  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com/ madscientist7

    people should be able to date who they want without backlash from others. what i do have a problem with is people who date a certain race because of self-hate. its one thing to date a person (outside your race) because you genuinely like them but to do so because you feel like your own isn't good enough is something that bothers me. honestly, i don't think i would ever date a white woman. i've written about my reasons why here: http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com/2012/01/18/you-

    i wouldn't say that i would never date interracially but i would be hard pressed to do so.
    My recent post Take Me Back to 1953

    • Queenantianara

      And that's right! Dating only because of self hatred is a sad situation. I think that is one of the reasons that Black women get so upset. We don't like to see that amongst our own!! And I fear that it is a prevalent issue.

    • rainman55544

      White women are the last on my mind, but the way black women is today, especially in the military atmosphere, I could see why so many brothas would rather get with white gurls then the average military "sistas".

  • Dr. J

    If you peep, Black women are the only ones who want to announce they are going to date outside the family. Black men don't do that. That's my only advice to Black women on this subject. Don't announce it, it comes across ingenuine. And don't make excuses or give a long drawn out explanation, just go with it. Date who you want to date, but to announce it is a direct jab at Black men and also seems suspect. It's like you're saying, "Hey Black men, since you messed up, i'm moving to another race." It's a pointless announcement. Just do like the brothers and date who you want and move like lasagna.

    • http://youngheaux.blogspot.com Young Heaux

      I'm sorry, black men don't "announce" it?

      • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

        It's more like a parade than an announcement.

      • Dr. J

        Before I replied to your comment I did a simple google search, "Why Black Men Should Date White Women" … the search yielded no results. I'm so serious, you've never heard a Black man say, "I should date White women" and then have a full conversation with folks about it. Black men just date white women, they don't announce it. Again, what's the purpose in a person announcing to you that they're not dating you anymore and moreover they're dating a race that has caused tension in the past. It's only to slap you in the face. Save the slap, date who you want.

        • Kema

          This just might be the difference in how men and women communicate. Women like to talk. It think its like Malik said… a parade rather than an announcement. Kind of how teenagers act when they get new sneakers or something. Look at what I got!

        • http://youngheaux.blogspot.com Young Heaux

          Agree with Kema. This is really a moot point, and pointlessly accusatory — no disrespect. There are plenty of accusations to go around. It's unfortunate if you don't see the insularity of your assessment.

        • neale

          I did the same search & came up with two pages of results.

        • Neisha

          You don't have to do a Google search to know that Black Men parade…look at history i.e. Joe Johnson. Heck look at music videos(which I'm not opposed to having other races shaking their hind parts and demeaning themselves finally)…And Black women are more upfront. "I don't date Black men…". it not an announcement just a statement letting Black Men know that "I'm just not that into you". As far as why you find more Google searches it's because black women need more encouragement to do what Black men have been doing for decades

        • rainman55544

          hahahhaha, typical black women garbage and lies that has been spewed over the inernet for decades, when she forgets that it was black WOMEN who has opened the doors for IR marriage in the country, the ONLY thing a black women has fought for, but when it came for civil rights and Jim Crow, it was black MEN who was dying on the streets for equal rights, not to sleep with ww. BW has been sleeping with wm ever since slavery, and it is only NOW that he could do what bw has been doing with the the wm's counterparts, since historically we have been killed for even lookin at one, ask Emitt Till.

    • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

      For some reason I couldn't help but compare this in my head to people on FB and Twitter that announce they're unfollowing or unfriending you just before they do it. I've always found that suspect…but I'm off on a tangent so I'm announcing that I'm moving on to another thread.
      My recent post Free Write Friday

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      Thats funny because the other day at starbucks i seen this black girl i knew with this white guy and the whole time i just felt her staring like she wanted me to know she was with a white guy like i gave a. If i date outside my race might give a heads up to friends and fam before they meet bu otherwise i dont feel the need to announce it like I’m Donald Glover

      • http://youngheaux.blogspot.com Young Heaux

        I'm pretty sure every semi attractive black woman on the West Coast has had this experience with black men dating white women though, several times. At least I have. Just saying. Pointless point.

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      Dr. J: "Don't announce it, it comes across ingenuine. And don't make excuses or give a long drawn out explanation, just go with it."

      I always found the need of anyone to make a proclamation that they are dating outside the race and that they have given up on their own race to be perplexing.

      Her: "I'm only dating white men from here on out! Black men are _____"

      Me: "Congratulations. You're finally doing what black men have been doing for decades."

      Really, what is my response supposed to be when someone tells me that? Am I supposed to apologize on behalf of all black men for her failed relationships with them? Am I to persuade her to keep dating black men? Should I celebrate and encourage her decision, and extol the virtues of white men, Uncle Ruckus style? If I'm not trying to get with you, why would I care who you date?

      • Larry

        Astonishing….Hugh here basically said thee EXACT same thing Dr. J is saying in his comment and is in the positives….yes, Dr. J is like -8 … lol!

        • Paul B.

          Yeah, I noticed that too. Apparently Dr. J was too blunt in his assessment. lol

      • Zakiya

        My response is do what you do. If you want to be that ignorant to make the decision to give up on a whole race of people, then you are probably not going to ride off into the sunset with an intelligent man with desirable qualities. If you are just not attracted to black men then ok. But if you're being mad and bitter and "giving up" then that's not a quality any man is going to find attractive. Just date people you like without an underlying agenda.

    • Seraph

      "If you peep, Black women are the only ones who want to announce they are going to date outside the family."

      This is true. The man who said "parades" provided no proof that that was the case for Black men, whereas with Black women …the evidence is just a simple Google click away. Undeniably true.

      • Rainman55544`

        Exactly. ANd its quite pathetic to tell you the truth.

    • Sarah

      That's not entirely true. I know plenty of black men that have announced they can't stand black women and will only date white women. I personally don't care who is dating who. I have my own busy life to live. But I don't think that anyone needs to make any announcement. It's ok to say you're expanding your views and are open to dating outside your race, but it should probably be left at that.

  • pydachi

    Black ppl are the only race of ppl that will ENCOURAGE each other outside their race….the shit is embarrassing and so over done!!! You will never catch an Indian man encouraging an Indian woman outside her race…wonder why that is?

    • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

      I understand the point you are trying to make but what I think is important to understand is that most of those arguments revolve around preserving CULTURAL TIES, not race. Our culture is American, and many races exist within that culture, so it is different. For example, I get all kinds of flack for not dating a hispanic man, but my family/friends care very little whether that man looks like Marc Anthony or Laz Alonso.

      • http://youngheaux.blogspot.com Young Heaux

        I think there's definitely a overarching "black" culture (even if it varies geographically), just saying. Black ain't just a race.
        My recent post Dentist pulls out all of her ex-boyfriend's teeth

      • Nyah

        Also it should be noted that there are more asian men than asian women due to the killing of female infants so of course asian men are telling asian women to marry asian men. asian men have less to choose from already and if asian women date outside of asian men, asian men will have an even smaller number to choose from. It is similar to black women and black men and how SOME black women dont like how black men date outside of their race.

    • Oh ok…

      @pydachi
      the answer is because there are a billion Indians in India alone.
      The women are doing better than AAW when looking for men in there own ethnicity.

    • http://twitter.com/judyneno @judyneno

      I agree with Amaris on this. I think for Indians, Africans, Latinos etc. its more cultural ties than racial ties really. Plus, they have numbers on their side. So I don't think your analogy works, TBH.

    • Nyah

      I don't understand why it is embarrassing? With all of the media coverage on black women there tends to be a fascination with who black women are dating and the shortage of black men. This shortage has been viewed as a crisis (not saying that I agree with that) and usually when there is a crisis people offer solutions. Dating outside of your race is just one solution take it or leave it. People act as though just because you date one white person from that day forward you can ONLY date white people lol. This is not to say that I do not like black men. This is to say that I like ATTRACTIVE men. If someone attractive of a different race approaches me and have all the right qualities that I am looking for, I am not sacrificing my happiness to preserve the race of millions of black people. And no its not because deep down I have a self hate of black people its because those millions of black people don't pay my bills.

      As far as the indian reference, People like to date within their culture because it makes them comfortable, and this is not a bad thing. If I (a black woman) date an indian man that is fine, but when I go to his family gatherings and I am the only one who does not speak punjabi, that is awkward lol. This is why people tend to stick to dating within their culture.

      I also think it should be known that race is not biological. It is a man made social construct used throughout history to justify oppression.

    • connie

      The African Americans who are doing that are self hating Blacks. They want to mix up their race so that it can become extinct which would happen if everyone intermarry and have babies. The black race has a lot to offer, talent, strength, courage, history , music and other things but if they keep encouraging sex with whites etc,,,, that is the beginning to the end of Black people's legacy, history, strength, courage music…. etc…

    • Connie

      CORRECTION:
      The African Americans who are doing that are self hating Blacks. They want to mix up their race so that it can become extinct which would happen if everyone intermarries and have babies. The black race has a lot to offer: talent, strength, courage, history , music and other things but if they self hating Blacks (for the most part) NOT ALL keep encouraging sex with whites etc,,,, that is the beginning of the end of Black people's legacy, history, strength, courage music…. etc.. and Most of all… that would be a demise of African Americans uniquenes!

    • Seánaí

      That's a lie straight out! I've been married to a black women for 8 years & black guys show nothing but hate when they pass us but this just makes me laugh as it shows how pathetic & jealous they truly are!

    • TiteTrax

      Most Black men have no problem with Sistas dating Latinos, Asians, or ANYONE EXCEPT white boys. There’s a justifiable reason for that. Let’s see if the self-hating Sistas can guess what it is. Or if they want to act like it’s the same thing. Here’s what I know from my 35+ yrs researching the American Chattel Slavery system and reading countless slave journals. During slavery, more often than not, the white so-called “man” was vicious, cruel and Satanic in his treatment of Black people. And more often than not, white women(also victims of the white man as he treated them as property also) tried to protect us from the wrath of the slavemaster. Sistas aren’t going to want to hear this but they aren’t going to want to do the research either, so…. The white man is STILL Black people’s worse enemy even though he’s changed his methods of keeping us down. There’s one now running for office and all he wants to do is take away everything that we’ve fought and died for back to distribute among his white male friends. I know a Sista who’s married to a white boy but still sleeps around with thuggish Black men that have no self-respect. I’d NEVER sleep behind the Devil myself but that’s because I have a lot of self-respect because my two Black parents instilled it in me. I’ll never have a problem with Black women dating non-Black, non-white men. But if you date the Devil, I’ll have NOTHING to do with you when you realize you’re just property.

      • SnakZ

        ur still in the pass things have change the people u talk about are dead or dieing off the people who was hurt by them people are on the same boat of dieing off its time for us to change this belief u have yes i am white i have date blacks, other white and asain girls i have never done anything work to blacks or any race let say this i have been bully by more blacks then any other race and from reading what u said u sound racist and from looking from my point of view blacks are more racist then white people maybe that bc of people like u who cant change with the times

        • treski

          Define racism

    • Tyrone

      Im a black man, and i date white girls, not your typical “valley” white girls with blonde hair blue eyes ditzy and rich. Aka the typical white girl black chicks think about when i say im into white girls. Nah being from nyc you’d know the white girls jhere are just as real, YET AGE and experience, and income of us black men has ALOT to do with it. When i was 15 years old thru 21 living with my mom in the BX and all i cared about was.clubbing and going to college i dated any girl i liked. Ghetto upper class black white hispanic and Asian. 21 – 25 as a bachelor buying.bottles in the club i was more attracted to the.big.booty girls, clubbers who tended to be black girls, yet when it came to my “grown” life, white girls seem to be.where i am in life. At 25-30 i was well into my career, done with clubbing wanting to settle down, more mature have a condo to upkeep, i like to travel, im adventurous, im cultural and im not saying that it is impossible…but in nyc esp. Its HARD to find a black women 25-30 unscorned, good career, no children yet without an attitude who is also cultural and adventurous. MOST of the black women i run into now my age i meet either have horrible attitudes , rude and like to fight more than laugh. When i say lets go kayaking and camping this weekend they say “i aint white, and i just got my perm did u think ima get my hair wet, shiiiiit we black we dont sleep in the woods”, if i say baby lets go to an art museum this weekend or a jazz club….the response TYPICALLY was “ooooh we gwan go to the club alright but its kikis bday we going to the.4040 club”, or theyd go to an art museum w/ me twice maybe just to impress me as we casually dated, than once we got serious they’d say “nooo id rather go to a movie art is boring, or not tonigjt babeee cuzz basketball wives on n she pullin out this bitches tracks tonighttt aowwww i gotta tweet this”. This is my personal experience, and i did not say ALL nyc black women are like this, but dont front you know most are and denial is a horrible blinder. Also most of my black friends with money like to travel like us and they dont want to pay for everything for these women, they want to go to Le Ciao knowing that if service is slow that their date wont yell and scream like “wheres my damn food”. On the other hand my boys from the L.e.s and the grand concourse area are black men with black women, so to say the “good” black man is going away. Welk usually “ratchet” and bitter black women say that because the college educated career obtaining summer home having black women dont.have to speak those words because they are.with the successful black men, just like the successful long islander white girl. Dont hate and worry about your game first ladies and gents. Ita late and im typing fast from a touch screen phone there may be many typos here, i wish I could prove read it but i must go to sleep, good night.

      • alexandria

        Truth is if you really wanted to meet a successful, intelligent, adventurous black woman you could have. Location is key. Why on earth would you expect to meet this particular woman in the clubs? If you were really concerned with meeting a respectable black woman you could have found her in the art museums that you speak of. Problem is that you expect her to be bootylicious and beautiful and still be into that adventurous stuff. You want too much. Thing is, as a young and successful black woman, I am confused by your comment because I am that fun nature loving person who loves art, yet I cant meet a black man who shares my interests. Anyone else see the irony in it all?

        • Rainman55544

          The thing is, YOU are the one that is confused and is missing the total. As a black man who is not thuggish, adventurous, and is successful, there is a LACK of bw who share the same interests as I do. And when they do, they would take a wm over a straight-and-narrow black man. Its the same everywhere, not just in NY clubbing atmosphere. Military black women are the worst, thats why i dont mess with them. Horrible attitudes and coonish behavior towards black men but will step with wm, no matter how country or retarded they act over a good brotha. SO YOU need to open your eyes and stop trying to get him to see the light, cause obviously you are blind to the coonery bw show today.

    • nala

      I am a black woman engaged to white man….i said that to say this, I don't see or look at him as being white all I see is a man. Sadly, others make a big deal out of the "color" thing. I believe that love sees no color and if you are always trying to please others than you will never be happy!

      Look inside yourself because anything outside of you should not matter so much!
      wake up

  • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

    1) Hmm… I don't think "black womenn" should date "white guys". I think they need to entertain all viable men that approach, and let race be discussed later, if ever.

    2-4) I have dated outside of my culture moreso than my race, and find that the most annoying thing is ruling out "novelty seekers". There is nothing less attractive than listening to an african american guy lament all evening about how he can't stand "black girls" (even though, well…I'm BLACK), or a caucasian fella going on and on about how down he is because he hangs in washington heights (even though I'm PUERTO RICAN). Just. Enjoy. ME. Please.

    • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

      I will say that there is no easier way to appreciate all that is great about you than to see it at least once through the eyes of aomeone who isn't like you at all. I mean if there is anything to argue for dating an 'other' dude, it's that for some of them, the novelty hasn't worn off, in a good way. If he's even interested he will like all of you, from the head scarf to the shea butter on your feet.

      I do find that my AA female friends have not only a concern with dating outside of their RACE, but dating outside of their CULTURE (as in, black men not from the US). I find this to be extremely counter-productive, but since I kinda benefit from it I can't complain, but can someone explain this? Some of my friends say it is because of their cultural views on women, is that it?

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      Thats true, while different race is the elephant in the room sometimes it need not be discussed. we’re datin because i’m an attractive single male, and you’re an attractive single woman if you just tryna see if the rumors bout brothas is true and i’m just tryna date outside of my race just to date outside of my race we already off on the wrong foot.

    • starita34

      Standing O http://bit.ly/L3nWYh

      "the most annoying thing is ruling out "novelty seekers". There is nothing less attractive than listening to an african american guy lament all evening about how he can't stand "black girls" (even though, well…I'm BLACK), or a caucasian fella going on and on about how down he is because he hangs in washington heights (even though I'm PUERTO RICAN). Just. Enjoy. ME. Please."

    • http://tiwtter.com/kjnetic King Jordan

      I agree, that must be most awkward..the novelty should be in the newness of the connection, if nywhere.

  • youknowwho

    Before I even got to the editor's not I was already thinking "I don't get why the author of the book has to slam black men to justify dating outside of her race." THAT is the only issue I have and it goes both ways, same for men trying to justify dating outside of their race by dissing the women of their race. Man/woman up and show confidence in your decision because YOU want to date whoever it is, not because you feel the men in your own race suck and so you have to "settle"(yes that it what it comes off as) for going outside of your race.

    • Babes

      I was just saying the same thing like a week ago. Someone I know went on a rant about why Black women get no love from anybody and why he's doing much better now that he's dating white women. My initial thought was, ok so you clearly have a preference. But why the need to go in on Black women to justify it? Seems kinda silly to me. My closest family member prefers white men over any other race, but she never disses Black men. She simply states her preference and says it is what it is.

      • gbetanu vincent joe

        i need your love am from Ghana am a single guy who need a serouis lady to move with i need your reply then you here more about me thank you. bye bye

    • http://magistersthinktank2.blogspot.com MagisterVeritatis

      The authors of these types of books love to degrade and attack black men. If the book is about black women dating white men why is it necessary to mention black men?
      My recent post Why Kevin Hart's Cartoon about Black Women is More Fact than Fiction

    • Oh ok…

      Great point!
      Therein lies the problem.

  • South Texas

    1) Yes black women should date outside their race. We are on this Earth for 77 years. Life is too short not to be happy. I really don't understand why they wouldn't. Maybe the cultural difference, wanting black love blah blah blah. Do you really think we are thinking about blk love when we are smashin some Spanish or white chick? I live in South Texas so I have very few choices to date within my race. I grew up military, lived in suberbia so I have been lucky to not have the "expectations" of dating blk only. All women love the blk swag. Do I want to settle down with a black or Belizean queen? Yes but I choose happiness over anything else

  • http://sarcasmforbreakfast.wordpress.com mizzcam

    I see no problem with dating outside of my race. If the attraction is there, I couldn't care less that the guy isn't black. My family is multiracial though, so I've been around interracial couples my entire life. I do think that your background influences how you feel about dating outside of your race.
    I have friends that have will say, "I love my black men too much to end up with a white man." And that's fine if you feel that way. Ultimately, I'd prefer a black man, but I'm not going to limit myself.
    My recent post Remember Me???

    • thinker-1

      Do you know who you are,do you value your heritage,do you love your people,or is all that for sale????????????…………………………..thinker-1

  • Truth Be Told

    "If you peep, Black women are the only ones who want to announce they are going to date outside the family. Black men don't do that." I literally spit my imaginary coffee on my keyboard when I read that. SURELY, you don't mean that. Just SURELY…. How often, how many innumerable times, how many uncountable videos and books are out there from black men announcing and giving reasons for not dating black women? Really, black men don't do that? LOLOLOLOL! Good one, Dr. J. Very good one. I started trying to get you tons of links to prove my point but eh, I don't care that much. I actually came here to make a another point so let me get on to that….

    • Dr. J

      Look at my comment above. I did a Google search. And I didn't say Black men don't announce several reason why they are not dating Black women. I said, you'll never hear a Black man announce, "I'm dating White Women from here on out." It just doesn't make any sense. There's a big difference between, "Here's why i'm deciding not to date you anymore" and "I'm actually deciding to date white women."

      • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

        I am going to have to introduce you to either my twitter feed, my facebook page, or Weseley Snipes.

        • Dr. J

          I follow you on Twitter. You've also admitted that you know some knuckleheads and that those are typically the types of men who approach you. I guess we just hang in different circles and follow different people on Twitter.

        • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

          True. Then again, I don't know any women who screenshot either, lol.

  • http://youngheaux.blogspot.com Young Heaux

    edit: Black American* culture, if you will

  • Truth Be Told

    At some point, hopefully, black people are going to stop acting like they're the only race of people engaged in interracial dating. It's really not that serious. It's not that big of a deal. Stop assigning so much energy towards it. Everybody is doing it. But no one is fighting among themselves in the process. Frankly, it's pathetic when people are forced to justify their choices or explain themselves because they are dating someone of a different race. It's equally pathetic when one feels the need to put down a whole group of people just because that's not their preference. Nothing irks me more than when I hear someone say, I don't date black men/ women because of this, this and that. And then you have the other side who would accuse anyone who dated out of their race as being self-hating. NEWSFLASH: Black people did not invent interracial dating and they sure as heck aren't the only ones practicing it. Only thing is, you don't see other races making youtube videos dissing their men or women because of it. Seriously, just let it go. This topic is TIRED!

  • http://youngheaux.blogspot.com Young Heaux

    1) People need to stop thinking (or presenting) the only other option is white! i realize you recognized other races in your post, but it always seems like when interracial dating (especially when it concerns black women) comes up in articles, movies, etc., the focus is on white men. This is still limiting.

    2) I have no issue with the various swirls (short term). Would rather keep it black thinking long term though. That's not even really that much of a conscious decision either, I just naturally tend to socialize with other blacks (or other minorities). I haven't had a good white friend since middle high school so I highly doubt I'm going to fall in love with a white person lol.

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    1. If a Black woman finds a partner that loves and cherishes them and is white, I'm perfectly fine and encourage that. I'm not down with Black people who date white people (or Asian women additionally for Black men) as an "upgrade" to other Black people though.

    2. Depending on how I'm defining my own race it would be pretty difficult to find someone that is of my own race. Ethnicity does not matter to me.

    3. I've chosen to because I grew up as a military brat. I was always around dozens of different ethnicities. It has always been perfectly natural for me to be attracted to Black and non-Black women as well as see interracial relationships. The first girl I remember being attracted to was East Asian.

    4. Always felt the differences were more cultural than racial because Black women in DC were different than the ones in ATL who are different from the ones in NYC.

  • Mr. SD

    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys? Sure, date whom ever the hell you're attracted to! I get it tho, most not all blk women are simply not attracted to white men, so be it. We all have preferences.

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race? Personally Ive dated outside of my race my entire life. The way I see it you only have one life to live right?? So be effin happy! How stupid will you look/sound when you 75 talking bout "im single (and childless), but i kept it real and kept it blk"…wackness!

    4) If you have dated interracial, have your experiences been extremely different? My experiences have been great!!! a woman is a woman is a women IS a woman. Yes the culture is different but that's a bonus to me. However I can honestly say what separates woman is the impact/influence of male figures in ya'll life. Father's/Uncles/Brothers and such are detrimental to what a woman becomes. Its supersedes nationality/race in my opinion.

    • peter parker

      Number 4 is the T.R.U.T.H! No matter what color a woman is, women will be women. The truth lies in what male figures she had in her life to show her what a real man is.

    • Don

      I will be honest……I am so sick of people still talking about race. It doesnt matter who anyone dates…..or marries…..or has a baby with. The are only a couple differences in people. Some have a darker tan. Some speak other languages. There is No pure race, so why should anyone care who people are with. It is 2013. People need to get over it already.

  • Anastasia!!!

    So white men just don’t do it for me. I looooove the energy and power of my people. I love black and Latino men. I know some people might not understand, but here in Nyc there is sometimes no huge difference culturally between some black and latino people. Sometimes a person you think is fully” black” is actually straight off the boat from Panama or Dominican Republic or Costa Rica. Or might be ethnically Puerto-rican, but grew up in Harlem with black people. So for me I am most attracted to my men of culturally black persuasion :-)

    I hear tell there’s a crisis out in these streets! Ihave friends who have sworn off black men because of daddy issues and the 2ninjas that did them wrong when they were sophmores in college, but to me that feels short-sighted. Maybe I’m still young (25 in Nov) or maybe I’m “privileged” (I dont have problems with good black men dating me) but I’d rather a Black man any day and I believe I will be a great black woman to him (for the one that wants me, ha) when its time. :-)

    Whoopi Goldberg said once that she liked men who liked her back. I can’t get mad at any man who doesn’twant me because I’m black and I definitely don’t discount my awesomeness because of the awesomeness he’s found in Becky or Patel or Consuela. To each his own!!

    • Guest

      Don't worry. You'll get your wake-up call soon enough.

  • Melissa

    Great idea. Scared of white penis though, so……

    • Guest

      Sounds like you're just chickenshit of white people in general.

      • TiteTrax

        Sounds to me like she doesn't like looking at a dick with colors from all over the spectrum(pale white skin, red arteries, purple veins,etc.)!!! LMFAO!!! Don't forget the dog-smelling hair!!

        • j

          what does your hair smell like without products in it?… No need for insults no mater what the color….you like who you like, its that simple. But I bet you would be the first to scream racism. News flash what your doing is the same f n thing… Are you one of those people do what I say and not what I do? Lead by example, then you can complain…. To black women, should you date outside your race also? YES you should, never limit yourself to anyone or anything because other people think you should. And never limit yourself to a booty call because of the shortage of men

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    First off between bagging Paula and that wack ass sex therapy album the hatred for Robin Thicke is too real. But moving on…

    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys?

    I strongly disagree with the premise that women date outside of their race cuz they cant deal with these new ninjas over there. If I said i only date white women cuz yall sisters dont appreciate a man like they do (slightly true but thats another topic) it’d be a problem. I do agree that women need to be more open in their quest for love, you keep hooking up with the same type of ninjas from the club n facebook n wanna say we all the same. Chill.

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?

    As i touched on the previous point, by not you’re selling yourself short. Theres millions of single people and you cancelling out 76% of them. It just doesnt seem logical.

    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to?

    I wouldnt say i’ve chosen not to, but in general i’m more attracted to black women. And so far its been working out for me, years from now if im not where i want to be relationship-wise i’d be tempted to go head and switch my style up. But for now i’ll remain and EEO AA dater lol.

    4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different?

    Somewhat, i’ve dated spanish girls and not much changed except i got way too into reggaeton than i ever expected to. I’ve had flirtationships with white girls and i think it was just having different interests and feeling awkward in eachothers circles. I guess theres a comfort in dating someone of the same race because more likely than not we gon something in common #ripwhitney.

    • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

      "If I said i only date white women cuz yall sisters dont appreciate a man like they do (slightly true but thats another topic) it'd be a problem."
      Excuse me, sir, you dropped your grenade over there.
      **hands it back, runs**

      • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

        shhhh no one noticed *sits with farted in elevator face*

      • cynicaloptmst81

        LAUGH OUT LOUD!!!!

    • GirlSixx

      "i guess theres a comfort in dating someone of the same race because more likely than not we gon something in common" #ripwhitney

      THIS^^^^^^^^

      • cynicaloptmst81

        I'm gonna stick my co-sign here as well.

        I tried it once as a teen…and…I just couldn't do it. *shrugs*

        Plus, my ex-bf saw dude come to my house. And after dude left, I got a "Was I really that bad?" phone call. -_-

        I laid him out but still…I decided I wasn't down with fighting to prove my love all the time…

        • Guest

          So you're spineless. Check.

          How much you wanna bet your ex bf is with a white chick?

          Just because you're loyal doesn't mean that black men are. I hope that you're of the patient sort.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Actually, that's an uncheck. But, I have a right to choose which battles I want to fight and which I don't. That's a battle I choose not to fight. Not taking on something as a teen…or now…that YOU think I should doesn't make me spineless.

          And, no, he isn't.

          Its not about loyalty…its just my preference. I don't care who anyone else dates.

        • TiteTrax

          Good answer to Mr. Scared-to-show-my-name white boy!!!!!

    • Rob

      You’re a good writer. That was all really smooth, and enjoyable to read! If you’re this lively always; put out your twitter, homey. Pzs!

    • Rob

      You’re a good writer. That was all really smooth, and enjoyable to read! If you’re this lively always; put out your twitter, homey. Pzs!

  • Nayonowen

    my daughter's junior prom date was white. when he came by the house i asked about his parent, which from his impression did not promote union. i had to breathe through it because my daughter and her date were grinning at each other. and i will do my best to see my daughter happy.
    i knew this day was coming. my daughters attends a diverse high school. they are very smart – AP and Honor classes. (yes i am very proud-just like their mother, lol). the only guys they come in contact are the white and asian boys. Darn, most of the blacks are in academic and shop classes or at the alternative school. Nope for me and mine. So if they are happy with the white boys who treat them will treat them like princess then i will take deep breathes and see it through.

    • Jen

      You should just be happy that your daughters are with men that love respect and care for them. That's hard to find and isnt something to sigh through or something you should have to grin and bear. Who cares what color they are. You obviously don't want them with a convict or druggie just because they fit in your racial qualifications.

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    Theres plenty of interracial couples i see commonly that dont get acknowledged like most spanish girls who like black guys, that leaves spanish guys to the white girls which leaves the white guys to asians…

    • Not Your Friend

      Spanish people are White.

      • GirlSixx

        Not all spanish people are from white descendents.

        • Not Your Friend

          This I know.

          I frequently find that Black people use Hispanic/Spanish interchangeably when that is not correct. More than likely this guy meant to say 'Hispanic' or 'Latina'.

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      Yes i meant hispanic.

    • http://twitter.com/GOTHIC_PUNISHER @GOTHIC_PUNISHER

      fool, they are not Spanish but only caribe Mayan mutt Indians

  • Smilez_920

    I wish ppl would just date who they want and get over it. If I was a white man I wouldn’t want to date a black woman because ” black men have let her down” I would want to date you because our of all the men that were chasing you, you choose me.

    Let’s be honest most of us have a white person in our family. My great great grandfather is 100% irsh and he married a black women. Then all his kids married a black partner so either way something new always falls into the mix. Men and women who make announcements about dating outside their race are ignorant. Wow your dating someone who doesn’t look like you, good job. Black women if you see someone who is interested in you and they happen not to be black just date them stop using a couple of bad apples as an excuse to step to the otherside. This is similar to when I hear women say their going to “play for the other team” because men have treated them wrong.

    • Not Your Friend

      "Men and women who make announcements about dating outside their race are ignorant."

      Ignorant about what?

      • Smilez_920

        To the fact that the look stupid telling the whole world their dating another race like its some sort of accomplisent. Uninformed that maybe it wasn’t the race of the person that your dating that made your situation so great but the fact that you just picked a good person for yourself.

  • Dr. J

    I should say this right now because i'm not about to spend a whole lot of time defending my statement earlier on this post. I agree with that 100%. However…

    Anytime a Black woman comes up to me and tells me she's considering or dating outside of her race, I tell her, "Don't nobody give a damn who you date." Now if we could get here as a collective, we'd be so much better.

  • http://twitter.com/flipdascript28 @flipdascript28

    If they like you, and they are attractive and have qualities you appreciate.. Why not? And why does there have to be any other disclamier/ pretense? Me saying i chose another person/race over another is just like saying "my first option didnt work out, now i choose you" Its a compliment and an insult to both sides when you are vocal about it. You are telling the world especially white guys you dated (slept with) a bunch of ninjas, now you are pursuing the next option DOWN on the list…because they were not the first. Whatever. Do you. There really has to be no reason for it.

  • http://writtenrebel.blogspot.com/ Tiffany Nicole

    Heated topic! Personally not for me, but hey do you! No justification needed! I'm with Dr. J one this one, why tell the world?? Your need to tell shows your ill motivation. If you find yourself justifying who you are dating because of the color of their skin then you got bigger fish to fry boo!

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys?

    Why not?

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?

    I have never had anything long-term with a woman that is not black. Now that I think about it, it is kind of odd that I've never dated a white woman even though I live in Wisconsin.

    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to?

    I love black women. I have absolutely nothing against dating someone of a different race, I just never have.

    • http://RealMenDontGossip.com WisdomIsMisery

      Now that I think about it, it is kind of odd that I've never dated a white woman even though I live in Wisconsin.

      This made me LOL.

      My recent post Preview: Ted

    • Nyah

      On Wisconsin!

    • Babes

      Uncle Hugh, I work in Wisconsin…. Hidy Ho NeighBro! *in my Wilson voice*

      • Uncle Hugh, BP

        I assume living in northern Illinois.

    • Larry

      I would have answered the questions the exact same way as Hugh here so I'll just co-sign. Only difference is replace Wisconsin with Ohio, lol.

  • daniel curry

    they can date who they want,just like us black men can date who we want. i prefer women of other races honestly,just got along with them better and im a black guy.if black females prefer other guys from different races fine,more of them meaning black females should accept black males liking other females.

  • CPT Callamity

    "For the record, y’all both assume the other is freakier / naughtier in bed. In actuality, y’all are both disgusting, and I love you for it."

    This.
    Who you date is a non-issue to me. I'd just rather see people happy and with someone than left idle to complain and boohoo about their dating/love woes.

    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys?

    Don't care, just wish they'd do whatever will make them happy and get it over with.

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?

    Don't care, just wish whomever chooses to do it doesn't crap on their own race and just STFU and be happy with who they are with.

    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to?
    I'm in the D.C. area and honestly do not associate with or are in the vicinity of white women most of the time. I don't go out of my way to avoid them, but the city has been quietly self-segregated for a clip. My interactions are limited in that respect and I also don't think I have that "type of black guy that dates white chicks" look to reel em in.

    4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different? If yes, what are the differences and why do you feel those same qualities were difficult to find in men/women who resembled you?
    Hmmm…I've kicked it with different nationalities and I can honestly say I saw more cultural issues than I did issues with skin color. It all depends on that person's background. All in all, women are women. They watch the same shows but they are different shows (Baseball wives vs basket ball wives, ratchet either way). They both talk about Kim Kardashian and they both want it all. There really isn't that much of a difference in certain respects and I don't believe ww are weaker and allow men to get away with more. As a matter of fact, I know plenty of ball busters of both ethnicities. I guess I also need to know more white women…no seriously…outside of work my contact is very limited unless I'm passing a Starbucks or something.

    • CPT Callamity

      I guess I shouldn't use the term issues…cultural differences…there.

  • http://ThinkPrettySmart.typepad.com Ms. Smart

    I haven't read any other comments…

    This comes up at a good time. I was just talking to some women about this. One was new and after I stated that white men like me, she asked why. I assume it's because I look non-threatening (my momma, circa 2001). But I also know that attitudes have really changed. *wavy lines*

    Around 2000, I went to lunch in Baltimore with a white guy who was about ten years my senior. A table over was filled with about 5 Black men, his age. They glared. He didn't say he noticed and I pretended not to notice at the time. This was in downtown Baltimore. Then in 2010, I was out having a meal with another white friend. We were seated outside in Barracks Row (DC). I saw over his shoulder, some 'locals' walking up. I was fully prepared for them to say something. They didn't.

    The other thing I can say I have consistently seen is the approach white men take when coming to me is quite different from most Black men's approach. I won't go into what it is, but it's so different that I had to go out and ask similarly situated friends/associates if they've experienced it too. They have. It saddens me.

    • peter parker

      Curious to know what the approach is?

      • CPT Callamity

        Me too. I have a hint as to what it is…

        • JupiterCalhoun

          What do you think it is?

      • WisdomIsMisery

        As am I if you're willing to share.

        My recent post New Girl: See Ya

      • Not Your Friend

        I hear ya. Men of other races approach me completely different than Black men. No Black man who has ever approached me was successful.

        • TiteTrax

          Successful at what? Rehabilitating a person with low self-esteem? All Black men don't approach women the same way, stupid!!

      • Ms. Smart

        The noted difference has to do with how they present themselves. Black men roll on me with a tone of "I am great and you should want to engage me." It doesn't really matter what they look like, their station in life, or the region. They present like they are doing me a favor. Meanwhile, white men come at me with a tone of "I am great. You are likely great and I want to make sure so we can be great together." Honestly, I expected the entitlement to come more from white men. But it doesn't–at least in initial meetings.

        Their short term intentions of Black and white men seem to be the same. Both groups aren't coming up to me because I look smart or like a great conversationalist. (I have never really dated any of the white guys but I have started friendships with them. This is how I know their intentions are exactly the same as the Black's intentions.)

        The sadness comes from my beliefs about where the difference stems. But I've already written too much and need to get back to work. :-)

        • JupiterCalhoun

          Interesting…

          I don't know if I agree that it's "entitlement". Like they say, there's a fine line between confidence and cockiness. Sometimes, even that is filtered through our own perception.

          Now, that being said, if you heard for years and years, that there aren't a lot of "people like you", (i.e. the shortage of good men argument), you might look in the mirror, and begin to think "Hey! I'm a hot commodity!", and you may begin present yourself that way.

        • Ms. Smart

          To be clear, I'm not saying ALL Black men do this. But a large bit of the ones who pepper my path do. Most times I spot and avoid these men. Though occasionally I admit to dating them for research purposes. Their extra-regular-ness when you get to know them is remarkable. But I am grateful that the men who I am close to (friends and suitors) are humble while being the same dudes people expect to live under the umbrella of entitlement.

          I believe it's entitlement to mask deep insecurities about their perceived lack of control and value in the world. Yet, were I to walk around entitled because I've been told I was attractive, legions of men would line up to figure out how to tear me down! Nobody would be offering an excuse for that behavior.

        • Not Your Friend

          I agree. They definitely come off as entitled.

        • TiteTrax

          After all of the debasement, ridicule, and straight out Satanic treatment of Black men by white boys, many Black men feel the need to pump up their worth after having it negatively questioned on a DAILY basis. After 400 years of being told we were LESS than nothing, many of us have to big ourselves up just to get out of bed every morning! I'm lucky because my two Black parents, who are still together after 47 yrs, ALWAYS told me how special and valued I was. But many of my Black male friends who grew up in the hood with less than supportive parents, didn't have ANYONE telling them that they were valued. In fact many of them dealt with mothers who constantly berated and devalued Black men on the daily. This interracial dating issue is a lot deeper that what is being discussed here as most people are not knowledgeable about Psychology, Sociology, or most importantly, the sordid history that EVERYTHING in this country is founded upon. In fact, many Blacks are ashamed to even discuss the disastrous effects of Slavery like WE did something to deserve what happened/happens to us at the hands of the white boy.

    • JupiterCalhoun

      Do tell. I'd like to try the same approach…for scientific purposes, of course.

    • Kimmie

      Do you think the reason white men approach you is due to your body type? Although, I don't think I'm too skinny, as a life long athlete I'm a size 2 and now I'm in my 20s its like 3:1 white and arab guys to black men checking for me. :(
      In regards to approach white men I have met will tell you straight up "I think your hot, can I take you out" but this is for the ones with previous interracial experiences. However, the first timers will hang around you at work/class engage you about something light then ask your coworker/friends if your single and if you date white guys. (This can be interesting if they ask your black male friend because they can c***block or honestly reply that they have never seen it and don't feel like you are "that" type). But there are definite alternatives to this any summer day in NYC will yield cat calls and an aggressiveness that you would also see in Italy, P***Y has an international appeal no translation necessary. Anyway my observations no studies made

      • Kimmie

        PSA: see i've been meaning to do this… love with an open heart but an open mind too know exactly who your giving your heart and time to. Check and see if that indian man you're dating has a wife back home promised to him and if the parents haven't and can't meet you GET OUT I don't want to hear of another sista getting killed because Raj's daddy wasn't having it. Know if there is an expectation to change your religion because sometimes there is an assumption because you are the woman you would automatically do it. Know his citizenship status (self explanatory) and visit his country before marriage. There has been cases of men taking the children to there country then calling the wife at home to let her know that it was over. Lastly, always google and get a basic background check on everyone you talk too. This is advice I give all my American girlfriends for dating inter-racially or internationally.

      • Ms. Smart

        To your point, part of my non-threatening appeal is that I am small. And both white and Black guys assume I date white guys. There's none of that asking. That said, I recognize that the assumption is also partly based on where I live and work (outside of DC, the MD side). Mixed couples and kids are as normal as air.

        • marcus

          It ain't normal y'all black women sellouts cracker lover

    • sharay

      please go into the approach differences. Inquiring minds want to know.

      • Ms. Smart

        I did down-thread.

  • http://twitter.com/Personalsfacts @Personalsfacts

    Digging this post man! Good job! And I very much agree with your editor's note. My girlfriend always gets upset when we get bad looks, but I just tell her that it's because she's drop dead gorgeous and the racist insecure white women are not.

    Reminds me of the post I wrote a while back: http://personalsfacts.com/2012/01/17/why-black-wo

    This will surely spark up a debate and I love it! Keep it up WIM

    • WisdomIsMisery

      Preciate it, sir.

      If you haven't already, I do recommend our readers take some time to check out the homie, PersonalFact's site @ http://personalfacts.com.

      My recent post Mad Men: Lazy Lazarus

    • leigh

      Jimmy, found your post interesting too… From my experience, I have found that White men tend to be pretty conservative about their dating choices when it comes to "risking" interracial relationships. The misconceptions definitely go both ways

  • http://www.liesandlaughs.com @Chocos_Kinks

    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys?

    think you should date who treats you how you want to be treated. It does not matter if he is black, white etc. I don't think race is really a factor in the good man/ bad man thing. It is the man period. If his race is different, so be it.

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?

    Go for it. The only thing I dislike is that when people choose to do so, they list all the reasons why men/women of their own race are inferior to the race they choose to be with. __

    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to?

    While I prefer black men, I still have dated outside of my race. Like I said it is more the person rather than the color

    4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different?

    He was hispanic, but I didn't experience anything notably different.
    My recent post Reasons Women Stay With Cheaters

  • GirlSixx

    I prefer to date the brothas, but let a dude that resembles a Paul Walker, Bradley Cooper, Cooper Anderson, Johnny Depp, Adam Sandler, Russell Crowe or Sean Connery type cross my path or step to me………. I'M GONE!!!! lol

    I wouldn't mind dating outside my race but these would have to be the requirements for me to consider, I ain't checkin for any woody allen types. #TheUglyTruth

    Good Post

    • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

      Grrrl, I was right there with you until you got to adam sandler **faints**
      Then again, I think Jason Segel is the bizness, so I'll just shut up now.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      YES to Sean Connery and Bradley Cooper and John Stamos and…

      I'd list others but this head cold has me not feeling like thinking, lol…

      …oh and Asa! I had the BIGGEST crush on this Jewish boy in my 7th grade class! He had this olive skin tone, hazel eyes, and thick curley brown hair! *swoons*

    • starita34

      'Cause you diggin Seal, Lil Jon, Flava Flav, Lil Wayne, and Aaron Neville though cause they're Black??…lol

      All that is is standards and attraction. Ugly is ugly in any color pallet. :-)

      (I do know what you're saying, just thought it was funny that you'd think that Woody Allen was ANYONE'S preferred type) :-p

      • GirlSixx

        " it was funny that you'd think that Woody Allen was ANYONE'S preferred type)"

        lol…
        Well, just ask Mia Farrow and Soon Yi. There's a Lid for EVERY Pot. ;)

        • starita34

          I'm still betting he got chose for being able to boil water and maintain a constant temp, not 'cause he was a "display" pot if you know what I mean…

          #WorkYourStrengths :-)

        • nwa_baby

          Buahahaah Oh sheet!! That's just cold, yo!!

    • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

      Hahaha! That reminds me of the Chris Rock stand up when he was like ain't no Black woman dating 'George Costanza' from Seinfeld. When they want a white man, they want Brad Pitt. #shonuff
      My recent post Who Deserves Rights Wednesday?

    • http://www.twitter.com Blacklove90

      YESSS! I love black men and prefer black men but if a white guy that looked like Hayden Christensen, Johnny Depp, or Anderson Cooper…I am GONE! I saw a white cop and I swear he blew all the sexy black men out the water OMG

      • TiteTrax

        More like handcuffed and SHOT all of the sexy Black men. You think you have seen ALL of the sexy Black men to be making a statement like that? You should change your user name to faggotlover!!! LMFAO

      • Ogbaami

        Build your community…they have built theirs….we didn't fight slavery, colonialism, segregation, discrimination only to destroy our identity and community when we have the opporttunity to build ours

      • mark

        Black bitches only for looks n money hahaha y'all sellouts Rosa park n harry tum man turning over their grave they did this so us black couples would spread our roots yal putting cracker monkey piss in our roots smh cracker lover n all y'all agree with her is dumb ass fuck I see why black men beat da hell out of y'all they didn't beat ya
        Enough

    • thinker-1

      Why do you 'negro" women always have to sell yourselves back to your "original slavemaster's"and/or his children.I don't understand it.Maybe it's just women like you, that helped keep slavery into existance for so long.As a Blackman,I used to value and deeply respect you,the natural beauty of you,in so many ways.But now,you,out of all the women in the world, continue to sell yourself just for association,even after you've been "forced to be sold" (symbolically),for over 400 years.Now that's truly,a sign of weakness…………….thinker-1………………………….

      • Guest

        Lol what are you talking about. Back to your slavemaster? Look those people are all dead and the only thing we know about slavery is what we read from the books. Let that go and live your life.

      • Ogbaami

        That's right brother!

        We need to build our identity and community…we didn't fight slavery, colonialism, segregation, discrimination only to destroy our identity and community when we became "became free"

      • mark

        So true these white wash bitches is pathetic lmao

    • Ogbaami

      You killing us brothers slowly….how about Denzel, Morris Chestnut, Jaime Foxx, Blair Underwood, …amd many more…

      • thruthiz

        oh stfu jealous azz hater!

  • spice

    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys?

    Date whomever you're attracted to and treats you right.

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?

    I have no issues with it in and of itself.

    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to?

    I have dated a white guy, and I was initially attracted to him because he was one funny dude! Gorgeous smile too. :)

    4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different?

    No, a man is a man is a man, and my God do I love men!

    My only issue with what branching out entails was the hatred I received from some of the black men we encountered. On one our dates we went to a festival and were watching some basketball obstacle course competition while holding hands. A black guy came up behind us and yanked our hands apart and shoved him into the metal rail in front of us. Audacity x 100!!! We also encountered stares, though those didn't bother me as much as it bothered him. The funny thing is, I'm 110% positive none of those men would have wanted anything to do with me otherwise. The same goes both ways of course. In another city I lived in a black woman RAN OVER a white woman who appeared to be with a black man. Turns out he (black dude) was just some random guy helping her (white woman) change a tire. She died unfortunately, and was young too…only 30 years old I think. :(

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      There really are some guys that be too offended. Like the other day i found out Kerry washington dont care for the brothas too much and yeah i cried but at the end of the day there’s no reason to trip over someone who dont want you no way.

  • Babes

    1) I don't think anyone "should" date any particular race. However I do think more Black women should be open to it. Often times, our "preferences" limit available choices. Maybe there is a shortage of Black men, but its raining MEN in general.

    2) I was raised to love everybody and date who you want. I do have a problem when someone dates outside of their race due to self hate (but that's a discussion for some other time).

    3) When I've dated outside of my race, it was because I found them attractive and I liked them. No other reason.

    4) To be honest, I my first thought would be to say there is a difference. My favorite relationship was with a White guy and my worst (and somehow longest relationship… don't judge) was with a Hispanic guy. However, my sister dates only White men, all the time, and from what I've seen her go through, men are just men. No matter what race. I will say, though, that any differences that I have noticed either within my relationships or with others seemed to be due to cultural differences (which can vary by race/ethnicity) and not the race alone.

  • MarriedtojuwannA

    I know I’m going to get flamed for this, but I’m going to keep it 100. In my experience, I prefer dating white men. They are just generally “nicer”. I don’t know how else to put it. I’m not stereotyping or generalizing, I’m just simply sharing my experience. Black men are much More blunt, maybe its b/c I’m black and they feel more comfortable expressing how they feel but 98% of black men I’ve been with and dated are always expecting me to put out and if I don’t I better deal with them cheating. I know all men do want sex, but white men are more respectful about it. They tell me they want to take me out because they find me attractive and would like to get to know me better. With black men it’s like you’re attractive but what am I getting out of it? It just makes the experience more awkward and uncomfortable. With white men I feel like I can be myself and at ease and not worrying about having to put out just because he took me on a date. We just enjoy the moment of our chemistry together whether it leads to more or not. My .02.

    • Not Your Friend

      This is a problem I see with a lot of Black men. They treat and approach every Black woman as if there is already a connection/sense of familiarity there when there clearly isn't. Those men wanted you to 'put out' so soon because that's all they have to offer themselves.

      With White men, and men of other races, I can be myself as well. I find it easier for me to converse with non-Black men. I can have fun and do things that Black men would never consider doing. With a lot of Black men, dating them is hard because I am not compatible with them, and they are limited in who they are.

      So yes, Black women SHOULD date non-Black men if they are genuinely interested.

    • mark

      Or a sellout n racist i wouldn't label yourself black u white wash sellout bitch

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    Like Chris Rock said, for the most part black women are not attracted to white men…maybe one of the pretty People magazine cover type of white guys but thats about it. With that said thats probably why they expect us to give a damn about cream in they coffee cuz they know damn well they drink black. With black men we’re attracted to pretty faces, breasts, a$$es and sane personalities. We’ll take it in any size, shape or color

    • Babes

      I have to agree with you for the most part, Sir. I work with nothing but White men, and I find 0.01 of them attractive. However, I can name off a list of White celebs who can call me anytime…. ijs

  • http://twitter.com/flipdascript28 @flipdascript28

    Here is a question. How many men/women do you have to date before you "determine" that the whole race/culture is a lost cause to YOU? I don't understand how someone can do or say that. I doubt anyone has dated enough to make that kind of determination. I was a worked with people(dealing with people was my job) in the predominately white North West (Washington and Oregon 7 years) and white/black, rich/poor do the exact same thing, commit the exact same crimes, white deadbeat dads, white single moms with children from white fathers are extremely common. Point is you are not "winning" by having a prefrence or switching it due to previous fail. The quality of men or women "you are attracted to" is what needs work.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      Right. I'm always curious how much variety, or if they even notice any variety, there is when Black people switch over. When I hear us complain about our previous partners of our race, I always feel like they keep dating the same 1 or 2 types of Black people while when they decide to date outside their race they're more willing to talk to people that have wildly different temperaments and interests than they usually date.

      To use a lazy example; from what I've seen, experienced, and heard Black people are far more willing to date a non-Black person with different faiths than a Black person with a different faith.

      • http://twitter.com/flipdascript28 @flipdascript28

        Exactly. I can understand if someone dated for example multiple black men/women from different aspects of society. But i bet all of this declaration of switching over is all based on maybe 1 or 2 relationships that went sour. And date the types that make you "swoon". However, i dont swoon personally lol. Thing is the guy or girl that has envokes that feeling in you may not be the right person or type of people FOR you. Once you date out, its a completely different experience so you almost have to go with an open mind. " The thrill of something completly new and different" Because being black and dating black is the norm and common ground is established.

    • CorporateCutie

      "Point is you are not "winning" by having a prefrence or switching it due to previous fail. The quality of men or women "you are attracted to" is what needs work. "

      and THIS is where I chime in and say "PREACH"! I do not know how many times I have heard people use the excuse that there are no good black men/women left….and my response is always "maybe the issue isn't the fruit, it's the person picking it". Good point!

      • http://twitter.com/flipdascript28 @flipdascript28

        Exactly. More then likely its the small percent of them that we individually find attractive that we work with and struggle with. If you like model type men/women, and all the ones you manage to date are players/gold diggers/vain etc….. you are looking for quality in the minority OF a minority. That is when you have to say "drop your list" because its not working for you. Switching to another race/culture exclusively and searching for those exact same qualities will leave you dissappointed. Because its no different. Its often worse.

  • http://limtblog.wordpress.com LiMT__

    "If you see me with a woman, the reason I’m with her is because I feel like it. It’s really that simple."

    That. Right. There.
    That's as simple as things are for me; "She looks cool, she acts cool, I wanna get to know her better"
    The End.

    I hate the justifications because it leans to much on generalisations. There's too many people using the rationale of "I had a bad experience with 3 of [type x] so now I HAVE to date [types y & z] because I'll be guaranteed to avoid such problems again". There's a difference between broadening horizons and extracting 'facts' from a few failed experiences.

    "Past experience never proves the future."
    ______
    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys?
    Black women (everyone, in fact), should be open to dating anyone who they feel a vibe with

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?
    I would have no problem with it.

    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to?
    I see no reason to restrict myself

    4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different?
    Haven't dated outside my race really but I have outside my culture. Only thing that happened was I ended up with a few more bashment and dancehall tracks on my iPod…

    LiMT__
    My recent post Steep Catwalk; Roll Models (OR: “Yeezy Taught Me”)

  • kelic

    I would be interested to read comments from a white man…
    My recent post boissuq replay | Cheating Man: Is he doing you a favor?

    • WIM

      Being from CO, I actually happen to know a number of white people personally that read this site (I'm also aware of the background stats, which are higher than most would expect – and no I won't be sharing).

      Most (male/female) don't feel comfortable commenting here for one reason or another. However, most of the white guys I do know have no problem dating black women. They do, however, from what what they tell me, feel you don't want them or are not open to them. If you want some insight, you might want to check out some of the comments on YouTube from the videos linked above. There are some white guys freely speaking there (Note: They aren't all positive, but some are).

      That said, I too would be interested in hearing if anyone cares to speak up.

  • niksmit

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?
    I'm technically open to it, but I don't really see it happening. The physical features I'm attracted to are more prevalent among men of my race. Other races tend to have some, but not all of the features in one person. Of the other races, I'm least likely to date a White guy because paler skin turns me off.

    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to?
    Simply put, either I was attracted or I wasn't. I haven't had any internal struggles beyond that.

    4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different?
    No.

  • chunk

    I've never "really" done it (tried to talk to/date), outside of a very short lived attempt at it with a friend. That doesn't count… like one time and/or vacation sex. (I mean, that's what I heard)

    Anyway. I've never had interest. I mean ZERO interest. Too much love for black men, have great fathers in my life, know many good black men, need somebody who "gets" me due to shared history, and onnn and onnn and onnnnnnnnn. (I got a million reasons to love a black man, and obligation aint one. Well… maybe… nevermind.)

    Ahem.

    However.

    I am now interested.

    Possibly.

    Maybe.

    Yep.

    My recent post On Slacking & Blocking Your Own Progress

  • bellatrice1

    "no one, of any race, cares what the ugly people of their race is or is not doing"

    Truer words have NEVER been spoken lol
    My recent post RHoA Season in Review

  • bellatrice1

    I have dated outside my race a handful of times – white and hispanic. Me and a Black guy I was dating actually shared our experiences with dating outside of our race. Funny, we had the same general idea of white men and women, in particular. I found that white men were more willing to announce their feelings of love and adoration, and maybe lacked some of the hang ups that Black men have. Similarly, he said white women were more willing to put their pride aside and were down for whatever in his experience.

    I liked that we were able to discuss some of the differences amicably and in a way that helps us grow. If anything, knowing this helped me understand how I can possibly do things a little differently as the other half in a relationship, and I think the same goes for him. I honestly think there are differences, but to say that doesn't mean I'm bashing Black men.

    I prefer black men, but I wouldn't limit myself either if I found an Ashton look-alike who had everything I'm looking for :-)
    My recent post RHoA Season in Review

  • http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jermaine-spradley/a-millennial-manifesto-jobs_b_956053.html Most

    I'm sorry y'all … I'm just not about this interracial dating conversation life today. I read two comments that basically told me how I am as a black man. I gotta tap out. Y'all be good.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      Has SBM formally touched on the fact that Black women have a narrow definition of an ideal Black male?

      • SaneN85

        Elaborate and ish please :)

        • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

          Always felt that the socially defined ideal Black male is a close to a monolith as humanly possible (meaning factoring in everyone's varying tastes) compared to everyone else. Individually there will always be variety, but collective you can boil down what's considered an ideal Black male to one or two models for Black women.

        • Bree

          Malik,
          I think a big part of the appeal of white men is that it "appears" to be easier to be with a white man, as opposed to a black man. Similar to the appeal of white and "other" women to black men.
          With brotha's we do indeed many times have some "extra stuff" to deal with. For example, not having a lot of money, not having a car, not having their own place, maybe not having a job, lack of drive, lack of desire to be independent, a lot of game-playing and inconsistency, lack of responsibility, and (in many women's opinion's) unwillingness to commit and marry.
          Honestly though, in my experience and from what I've heard men of ALL races cheat, lie, don't always commit, and don't always want to get married.

        • Bree

          The most significant difference in my opinion is not so much race & culture, but Class. White men do typically have and make more money and are many times in much better financial positions than brotha's. I don't hear too many women complain about brotha's who are wealthy and/or making six figures.
          Despite his lying and cheating ways, Kobe Bryant's wife stayed with him after he brought her that very expensive fat canary yellow diamond ring. Ironically Elin, (the "white chick") divorced Tiger Woods after she had enough of his philandering and man-whoring and got her a big fat divorce settlement, including alimony and child support.
          Honestly I think sista's put up with a lot more from brotha's when they have more wealth and esteem.

  • ramblingsingleparentgoddess

    has anyone checked the statistics? maybe there are just not ENOUGH quality black men to go around.

    i have a couple of questions for you. if anyone wants to verify i'm fine with that.

    what percentage of black men are …

    incarcerated
    uneducated
    gainfully UNEMPLOYED.

    i think the number of available black men is simply lower than the number of black women. do we stay single simply because we outnumber our men?

    i don't think so.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      I've written two blogs on that subject:

      1) Women Have Less Good Men to Choose From: http://www.singleblackmale.org/2012/04/30/women-h

      2) For statistics related to your question, see this post and associated hyperlinks: http://www.singleblackmale.org/2011/08/25/if-blac

      To the best of my knowledge your latter questions are not reported on directly. However, the number of "incarcerated, uneducated, gainfully UNEMPLOYED" population of black men is also likely an overlapping population of black men. Therefore, if you are incarcerated or uneducated, you are also likely unemployed. If you are unemployed, there is also a greater chance you are uneducated and therefore, more likely to commit a crime and become incarcerated. People prefer to make it seem like these sub-populations are separate rather than interrelated.

      That said, it's very possible there are less "quality black men" around; although that statement is in itself subject – as "quality" is different for each person.

      • Streetz

        I just dont know what circles people are hanging within to find this hardship. maybe you have to step your networking game up? IDK

        I know a lot of decent black dudes… never know where this comes from. Hit other cities, towns, etc. dont go to events that ppl u know will be at… just expand your horizions!

        Date who you want!
        My recent post [EVENTS] First Saturdays #AfterTheMuseum Cinco De Mayo Edition!

    • Larry

      I'm always curious when someone mentions "uneducated" if they just mean less education than them. i.e. no college degree. I also wonder how many people does one assume even have, at minimum, at bachelor's degree? People do realize that only 30% of the American population over the age of 25 have a bachelor's or higher, right? That's everybody….not narrowed down to any specific race or gender, lol. But hey…semantics I guess .*shrugs*

      • ramblingsingleparentgoddess

        i supposed i stretch uneducated. i know men who have no college degree who can build you a house from scraps and can repair your car better than McGyver ever could. uneducated is not a status reached by graduating high school, college, graduate level or higher. it is how you present yourself. you can have a Ph.D. in common sense and i will see you as educated. if you uphold certain stereotypes and play into the negative connotations of what a well raised, thoughtful black man can be then you fall int my category of uneducated because you have neither learned of academic or the world.

        My recent post Green Lantern reinvented as gay superhero

    • Bree

      Ramblings……..yes there are more black and latino men incarcerated, uneducated and gainfully employed.
      However, the reality is there are many very successful, and handsome black men who are not married and in no hurry to get married. I honestly don't hear women complaining about brotha's being in jail, no job, and uneducated. In the DMV every man I've met in the 5 yrs I've been here has worked, never been to jail, and been gainfully employed and college educated. However, they simply do not have the desire to get married, and/or have not wanted to marry the women they dated and/or were in relationships with.
      A brotha can have a PHD, have a 5 bedroom house and own and manage other properties, have 2 cars, be sexy, attractive, and have it going on be in his late 30's or 40's and be single and NOT be pressed to get married…….so what category would those men fall in…..??? ijs

      • ramblingsingleparentgoddess

        that's a good question. i thin they may fall into a category of successfully single. don't get me wrong. i'm not mad at a man for wanting to stay single as long as it makes sense to him. i think the initial fear is that our men are either unavailable or simply dating elsewhere.

        where does that leave many of us as single available black women?

        • mark

          With them damm honkeys I got trouble finding sister n I'm never been in jail graduated with 4.6 only nigga in my skoo yes nigga n still can't find one y'all tell me wants wrong I start college soon sodont say there no good black men n I'm 19 a young cat which a lot of black women claim to be outrageous n out ta control

  • SaneN85

    *sigh*

    Are people still limiting their chances of happiness based on trivial things? I understand if you just aren't attracted to other races*, but otherwise there is no real reason to not broaden your horizons. I've primarily dated black men, but I married a white man and continue to be open to dating men of other races. I don't really think of it as interracial dating though, it's just dating.

    *I'd be willing to bet all of the unobtanium though that there isn't a single woman on here who hasn't been attracted to a celebrity who is of a different race.

    • Larry

      " but I married a white man and continue to be open to dating men of other races…."

      And your husband is cool with you continue to date other men? Fascinating. lol :-)

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      We have a SaneN85 sighting!

  • Oh ok…

    Meh. Date whomever u want, imo; besides all that matters is who u marry &/or procreate with.

  • http://www.twitter.com/MsTadoww MsTadoww

    I've had the opportunity to live in areas on very polar ends of the spectrum. Living in NYC (being black in Washington heights especially) made me pretty open to people of other races from the beginning. Hell, when I was little I had a penchant for light-eyed Dominican boys with curly hair. Why? Because I frickin' lived in Little DR of NYC. I moved to Podunk, PA – and end up dating a white boy for a good portion of high school. To this day he and I are still very very close. Sure, he couldn't grasp some of my black girl woes, but on a deeper level we understood each other beyond race. We were nerds in AP classes, we loved Kings of Leon and riding Quads and his mom made some banging lasagna. I put him on to hip hop and I am proud to say now he even puts me on to good stuff.
    I love Black men because my dad was a GREAT black man and so are all 7 of my uncles who are still very active in my life. So, I don't know if I could really see myself marrying a white man or any other races because my idea of manhood is that of BLACK manhood – I do feel like there is a difference. If I have a son with a white man – my child is still going to very much be a black man. Who's going to raise him? I for damn sure don't know what it feels like to be a black man. My husband wont know either. I'm an only child. So, do I ship him to South Carolina to be with his uncles and male cousins periodically?

    Anyway, I'm not with the whole "black on black" hate. You like white chicks? FINE! No harm, no foul because I don't have an issue getting dates. From anyone – of any race. I think maybe I'd be mad then if I felt like I had no options…but, I do…WE do.
    My recent post MsTADOWW: ..good conversation + good looks + good manners = moist pannies. #justsayin

  • Aja

    Im mixed (half black and half puerto rican/mexican) and date all races.. . . . I dont see color just see people for who they are. This is the year 2012. Date who you want, you only have one life. Love is colorblind.

  • http://www.katwebbmusic.com KitKatCuty84

    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys?

    I don't have an answer for this, as I have only dated men of color.

    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race?

    I have (less frequently in recent years) been attracted to men of other races, but none have approached me with respect and begun pursuing me to the point of dating. Because they don't approach me, I assume they don't want to approach me, that they're not interested, and so I don't consider that a real option beyond occasional attraction. While I DO have a problem with men of any race who blatantly fetishize women of any race, for whatever reason, I don't vocalize my issues to them and don't have any problem with people who date for actual love and attraction. There's interracial love throughout my family.

    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to?

    See above.

    4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different? If yes, what are the differences and why do you feel those same qualities were difficult to find in men/women who resembled you?

    N/A

    • Bree

      1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys? I agree with you Wis….you should date whomever you like simply because you find them attractive and you like them, not necessarily just because of their race. In fact this is very hypocritical of many people because we as black women would not want a white man to date us just because we're black and he has heard that we were "freaks" in the bedroom and moved and grooved better than white women…..So it's not right for black women to date white men just because they heard white men were nicer, had more money and have less drama than black men.

      • bree

        2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race? I've dated hispanic and latino and and caribbean men because I liked them. Never seriously dated a white man. I went out on a few dates with a white man as an experiment in my very early 20's. I felt bad because he really liked me, yet when we were out together I was more focused on who was looking at us and what they were saying than enjoying my time with him. He was no fool, and he knew this and resented it very much, and rightfully so. I apologized to him and never did that again, because as he said it was not fair to him.
        3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to? n/a – I'm open to dating most all races.

        • Bree

          4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different? No they have not been extremely different. Men are men are men are men. Many major differences lie more in personality types and the persons environment and upbringing than race & culture, unless they are "fresh off the boat" literally and just came to the U.S. Most people from other countries who have been here more than 10 yrs have usually adopted most of the ways and habits of an American and they are American Citizens in every right just as much as we are.

        • Bree

          If yes, what are the differences – amongst races and culturess the difference is typically cultural more than anything. For instance if you date and Asian person and you are black you will probably have to get used to their food and culture and some of their ways of life. One of my best friends girlfriends is Cambodian and Chinese and her husband is black. My girlfriend can make collard greens and most any type of soul food, and her husband can make rice and most asian foods. My girlfriend however is very "americanized" and just as mouthy and sassy as I am. She takes no sh** from nobody, in fact if you talked to her on the phone you might think she was "a sista." So part of it depends on where the person was raised and how they were raised.

        • Bree

          Why do you feel those same qualities were difficult to find in men/women who resembled you? I don't feel they are difficult to find at all. Again it depends on the persons personality type and how they were raised. I also know a blond haired blue eyed white woman who is just as sassy and mouthy as I am, (sometimes moreso) and takes no sh** from anybody. She is also highly intelligent. She is an accounts payable manager and is sharp as a whip. Now some may say she is the "exception", but I believe you cannot judge a book by it's cover.

    • thinker-1

      Dear Ms. KitKatCuty84, can clearly see you are a "Beautiful" Sister on the outside,and from your words,that reflect you values,I can also see how beautiful you are on the "inside" as well.I am well pleased that you have not compromised your physical,moral,pride,and other values ,just to receive a false-sense of acceptance ,and a lesser sense of pride,by sleeping with a "white-man'.Thank you for being strong,and hold on to your pride and values always,never sell it,Sincerely,……………thinker-1……………………………..

  • Bree

    "In my opinion, all you’ll usually find is the grass you believed was so much greener on the other side of the racially ambiguous fence is really just more grass. You’ll find good women/men and bad men/women from all racial backgrounds. Assigning an attribute such as good or bad to a whole race of people simply because you had a bad experience with a few of them is, frankly, dumb. I say a few, because if you’ve had a bad experience with everyone you’ve dated, then what does that say about your choices? You are, after all, the common factor. Therefore, I doubt dating another race will suddenly remedy your poor decision making. For example, I assume if you like black assholes, you’ll only turn around and date white assholes. However, I guess your conclusion will be that all men are assholes." WIS this right here is so very true and something many people don't think about, but should prior to goin to the "other side." Thanks for imparting this great Wisdom on us.

  • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

    I think a large part is how Black women are socialized + traditional standards of beauty. I once read an article/study about how the loneliest person on a PWI campus is a Black woman because no one is asking her out on dates.

    So many Black women are "waiting" to be "chosen" or at least told they need to wait, be patient and their man is coming! And if you have an ideal of who should choose you, then you may not be open to the idea or possibility that other folks/races might be checking for you and you should be checking for them. Men are given much more freedom and permission to sow wild oats and other cliches. And I'll even say that women of other races are given a little more leeway – I remember a white girl (a homely looking thing I thought) telling me that when it came to dating – she tasted the rainbow. She had no qualms with it and that liberated attitude was really enviable.
    My recent post Who Deserves Rights Wednesday?

    • ramblingsingleparentgoddess

      I agree diana
      i sit and wait to be chosen and i all have coming at me are white men who want me to be their Nubian Princess. *yawn* i pass on all that because i feel like i am goal they have on a damn bucket list or they have a quest list with their homeboys.
      then there is always the really nice guy who wows you just because he is a genuine stand up guy. i don't care what the color of your skin is as long as you were raised right and are respectful.
      My recent post Green Lantern reinvented as gay superhero

    • thinker-1

      The problem is Diana,your generation don't know your history(Black History),and you all think that racism ,has ended ,and you negro women should be in paradise now ,and yalls "free at last" right??.Truth is,you negro women have no Black men because they've been caughtup in the "C J system",and psychosocial-manipulation .Thereby,like slavery,when they take away your "God give man",or Natural man,the only one that you're probably going to chose ,is "Guess who"???The one who is topic of this subject ………………thinker-1

  • http://twitter.com/flipdascript28 @flipdascript28

    Ok…now i remember a few posts back about women who get approached etc. Honestly form my personal experience, aside from online dating i have not known women to date outside of their social circle. Meaning people you tend to see daily via work and frequent travels to various places, shopping and the like. There are excptions im sure. But from what im told is you get to know those people more and you build up attraction from the amount of frequent interactions. I guess what im saying is: If your social circle exists in for example nefarious parts of society AKA the hood, section 8 tenements and the like, you are already surrounded by a lack of quality. And the quality you do find in your circle that attracts you, is still going to be "lacking" to some degree. This statement explains it " ..And the guys i do like after i date them i find out they aint about ish" You limit yourself to an already small group within a group. Once you have dated men and women from all over the country and still think they are all bad using a sweeping generalization….Then so be it.

    • http://twitter.com/flipdascript28 @flipdascript28

      i had to post this: I looked at the comments on that "why do black women date white guys" And one comment summed it all up: "I as a Black woman agree wholeheartedly Doll! Lookin for a white man now lbvs! tired of Black men, at least those in the hood =)"

  • Paul B.

    Never really cared one way or the other. Who you date is your business, none of mine. Love who you love, and be with the one who you will treat right and who will treat you right. I find the differences between the black guys these women choose and the white guys they choose to be funny at times. It does seem like the standards for black guys and white guys are different. And truth be told, the same could be said about us black men too. When it comes to dating black guys, some (I repeat SOME) women expect him to have Jay-Z money, with Idris Elba looks, and be about 6'4", but the white guys can come off as nerdy and dorky, and be accepted as that and doesn't look like Brad Pitt either, and they will still be together. Not a problem; a person has the right to choose who they want, but I find that dynamic to be interesting, whether it's black men or black women dating across the color line. Maybe I'll write about that myself soon.

    • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

      I agree with this. When Black people date, especially the middle class/bourgeoisie Negroes, they're only willing to start calling their dating exclusive when they think they're going to rise up as a real life Mr. and Mrs. Huxtable. Like if you didn't got to an HBCU (cough a real one cough), didn't join a fraternity/sorority, and was not raised in a Southern Baptist church you ain't on the list.

      Conversely, any polite, mildly attractive, decent job, cornball white dude can get a chase. Black people want to make sure other Black people have these very specific credentials (be they hood, bougie, and any/everything in-between) if they want to seriously date them. Any other race that's half sane and at least ok looking has a shot.

  • Bree

    Diana the really good decent attractive black women are chosen and don't have to wait.
    The bitter complaining azz black women may be waiting.

  • richbrand

    Interesting that it was brought up about how others will hate on the interracial dating situation when one or both of them is attractive…………… let me elaborate on that.
    If I see a black woman that I am physically attracted to on the arm of a white man, I will definitely feel some type of way about it, especially if the white guy she's with is blatantly corny.
    Most brothas will assume she's with him for the same reason Chili went "the other way" because 1.) He met her income requirement and/or 2.) She deliberately sought him out because she couldn't have her requirements met with black men.
    However, as I have personally worked to become more open to women outside of black and latino (not there yet, but trying), at the end of the day, you love who you love, you fall for who you fall for, and you can't let your network (especially if you went to a HBCU and/or pledged NPHC) block your blessing.

  • Brodie

    1. White guys are good looking and clean up nice.

    2. Do it for the wrong and right reasons. Either way the potential of getting screwed over is there. But lets not act like being chosen by a person of another racial group doesn't add to the appeal. Says a lot about how we view being "black".

    3. I don't go one way or another. I do have a physical preference and luckily every race has men who fall under it.

    4. Yes. The "other" guys wanted to take me to places that were culturally significant and the white guys chose activities like bowling or go carts, day stuff. Black guys do dinner most of the time and at night. Black guys talked about race more than the "other" guys and asked too many personal questions up front.

    • starchild

      "Black guys. . . asked too many personal questions up front."
      THIS^^^^^^^^^^^^^
      The type of men I'm attracted to changes as much as my hairdos. I've dated white, latino, asian, of course black, and many combinations thereof. WHY is it that the majority of the black men I encounter do this???? I mean asking hella personal questions upon the initial approach! A theory I have is maybe they feel some sort of misplaced comfort because we are both black. IDK, I honestly have yet to experience this with "others", and find it very offputtingl.

  • http://www.faithfellasandfreebies.com Dannikay

    This post struck me to edit my own post on the subject and include some of Misery’s thoughts: She Went White: From the Waiting Room to the Bridal Suite http://faithfellasandfreebies.com/2012/05/17/she-went-white-from-the-waiting-room-to-the-bridal-suite/ And this is why…a black or woman man telling me to date outside my race doesn’t offend me as much as the logic behind why they are “telling” me to do it. Any woman who lays her preferences down by the riverside just so she can escape being alone is wanting the realm of dating with the wrong intentions. Essentially, she goes to other races bc “Black men don’t want us.” And let the media tell it, we (black women) are the last to be chosen as a franchise player for the marriage team. As I say in the post, “the question is not whether a woman can date outside her race, the question is what’s keeping so many of us from it?

  • Mesh

    1) Why do (or should) black women date white guys? Yes Black women should date outside their race. Im married to a Black man(been together 12 years). I always encourage my friends to think outside the box. While they are sitting around waiting for the Black Prince Charming to come along, they maybe missing out on his equally Charming pastel penis counterpart! And then they sit there with their screw face on while the fat white girls stay winning(but I don't view Black men who marry non Black women much of a prize)
    2) What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race? I like the idea for BLACK WOMEN and I will encourage my daughter to do it(but not my son)
    3) Why have you chosen or chosen not to? I did in the past, but I found everything I needed in a Black man
    4) If you have dated interracially, have your experiences been extremely different? I dated outside my race a few Hispanic men..and one of them stalked me. The major difference between Black men and non Black Men was we weren't able to relate on racial issues and familial structures(in San Antonio, TX being Hispanic is not the same as being any other minority).

    • Kam

      "What are your thoughts on dating outside of your race? I like the idea for BLACK WOMEN and I will encourage my daughter to do it(but not my son)"

      Out of curiosity why would you encourage your daughter to date out but not your son?

  • kabdog

    black women need to stop beating themselves over the head and just approach us. We are intimidated by you ladies for various reasons but for sure would not mind marrying, loving, having healthy athletic handsome children with, and taking great care of you as soul mates.

    Once we know you are into us, and you are going to probably have to assure us we "measure" up to your strong black men you have been with previous to us, because lets face it ultimately we are just average sixers LOL, (my BW had to reassure me I was more than enough man for her when I found out about her past loves) , then we are full speed ahead for lifetime commitment.

    And lets face it white women take us for granted and don't treat us right and divorce us at the drop of a hat, black women are supportive of us, treat us right kind of like a (trophy husband) hell ya I said it I don't know why they do they just do, and I like knowing my wife wants to keep me and keep me happy, to not lose me, and BW stay with us through thick and thin.

    They parade us around to their friends and family hey I am cool with that I feel great to be treated like that. They are so happy we have one or more university degrees and jobs – not all WM because there are some trailer park trash out there without even a high school degree. They like the fact we are family oriented and take such good care of our children – not all WM because I had a single mom and no dad in the picture but it was kind of her doing. They just have this over inflated view of us and it may be partially true or a stereotype but who the hell cares they treat us great.

    All that being said don't worry BM they don't give us head or swallow ours either LOL at least mine doesn't but whatever, she does other things like being a great mother to our two boys but ya it does sting a little not getting that where as most white women will do that like it is the last meal on earth type of thing.

    Did you know the divorce rate for BW/WM marriages is the LOWEST of all marriages even WW/WM or AW/AM so there take that society :-) I love my black women I found, before internet dating and all that, so it was not easy to find her let me tell you, you kids got it easy now.

    And I don't know who makes better dads, providers, husbands, etc… I just know I make a great one of all those OK at least in my opinion but who really is the perfect parent it is not like kids come with a manual, and so do my other white male friends I know.

  • Indifferent Black Male

    I believe that Black women dating White men is a good thing. There is a lack of respect that Black men and women tend to have of one another and our relationships tend to be dysfunctional and very harmful. If Black women find more compatibility with men of other races I say God Bless. It’s about dating on your level and someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be. My experiences with Black women have not been great and personally I don’t date them anymore but Im indifferent to the increase in their interracial dating. Men of other races have always been attracted to Black women and vice versa. This topic is not new at all and is a bit old at this point. The Black community as a whole is not as healthy as it could be. This rift between our men and women is understandable from a historic standpoint.

  • John

    I saw kelic's invite for a White guy's perspective so I decided to join in.

    For a long time I have been attracted to Black women. I have dated several over the years, and I'll say that it is more of a challenge to date Black women, however. On two occasions I have heard a Black guy mumble something to himself passing upon seeing me sitting with a sista and another time a drunk White woman flat-out asked me why I was dating "a n**ger" at a nice restaurant out here in California (sadly she was a special ed teacher)–after this last episode I decided that I didn't want to deal with this added stress. I can't knock Mohammed Ali for also giving this as one of the reason why he doesn't date outside his race during an old interview I recently saw.

    Many, if not most, of us want our significant other to be accepted by our family and peers and discrimination can happen in Black & White. This is a reason why interracial couples have a higher divorce rate.

  • msprodigal

    Great post! I have to say that I, too, have noticed all of the youtube videos dedicated to the subject, with all of these people gleefully announcing they have found the "answer" to their dating woes. However, as a woman who has always been so culturally isolated by virtue of where I have lived, I have pretty much dated white men all of my life. I was married once, and he was black but it didn't work out because he was indeed an angry, hateful black man.

    That said, I am tired of dating white men. I have always been attracted to tall, bald headed dark skinned black men, but the opportunity never presented itself. Well, once but he turned out to be married and a complete "roofhound". But I digress. I'm writing this from Italy, and although there are a lot of black women who extol about Italian men, I have no desire for them; not even my ex-which is why we eventually broke up.

    Yet, to each her/his own. I just find black men to be more sexually appealing, attractive and masculine and have decided to wait it out, until a nice one comes along. Who knows, he may be from some African country, Brazil, or any of the numerous countries with black men. I

  • Robert

    Y'all looking at shit through rose color glasses. The over simplicity makes me Smh. But there were some good things said in the interim.

  • Susan plipah

    1′m 28 years of age a black looking for a white man who is ready for married. The age should be 35 years. 1′m am christian. Please thank you.

  • Antoinette

    I really never dating a white guy. I am thinking about it. I'm not interest in dating black men anymore. Should I go up to them or she I let them come to me?

  • Antoinette

    I havent dated a white guy before. I am interest in dating one. Should I go up to him or should I let him come up to me.

  • KG

    I don't see why this is still such a prevalent topic of discussion. As a black man I've had my fair share of unhappy dating experiences with woman of my race. Even just recently getting dismissed because of "food aversions". ( if you think that's ridiculous, you're not alone). Even with all my bad experiences with black women, I would never go as far to say that I should give up dating inside my race and I encourage black women to do the same. Not all of us brothers are the clowns that the media, society and yes you black women makes us out to be. Just continue to give us a shot. We've had to stick it out with you (black women) and all of your insecurities, rudeness, arrogance, loudness, refusals to listen, refusals of respect, usury and a whole host of other UN-pleasantries that aren't so cheery. Why is it whenever there are problems in a relationship among an African-american couple, the black man is always the one blamed? Simply put I'm tired of all the double-standards when it comes to black men. I'm starting to think that black women have innately been given the function to automatically blame black men for their problems instead of taking responsibility for their own shortcomings. Men regardless of race are allowed to do just that, what they are ALLOWED to do. Just a word of advice for all your women in my closing before you begin giving your all to a man, try to actually put some effort into getting to know the man. Not all black men are the bad sisters.

    • Zakiya

      Well perhaps some black women have hang ups for good reason. Your post just completely bashed us and "all our unpleasantries". Depending on the situation, no one person is at fault. But to completely blame black women, while complaining that we blame black men is very hypocritical…and talk about putting up with us, isnt the most positive way to get the ball rolling. Your whole post complained about how miserable the black woman is while saying we need to give you all a chance. Try changing your personal approach with women in general and you should get a positive response. If not, then she's not the right one for you. You want reciprocity in a relationship. You have to be and give exactly what it is you want. Be the man to completely change a bitter woman's perceptions. Let her see that there are good black men out there by being that. And you might not want to start a date with talking about how much we suck. Not a good look.

  • Zakiya

    What I can’t figure out is why people are in such an uproar over who other people date. Someone you have never met, that lives on the other side of the country has no effect on your life…as far as dating goes. I am a black woman who has never had a relationship with a black man. I have always just been attracted to white men. Is it anyone’s business to ridicule me? No. And if it upsets someone it should be kept to their self. And it’s funny because the only backlash I have really outwardly gotten, has been from black men…like it said above, while that black man is literally holding hands with a white woman. The hypocrisy of it all is rediculous. I had a black man scold me for dating outside of my race and asked him why. His response was some mess about giving a “brotha” a chance. My response was the even if I wasn’t dating a white guy, I wouldn’t be interested in him so why does he care. And I’m not of fan of his slang and found it to be ignorant which was another reason. It’s not attractive to me. I’m not saying that I would never consider dating a black man. I am saying I date men that I like and whom I am attracted to. And I don’t owe my race or anyone else anything but to follow my heart.

    • Rob

      Youre a real bimbo and either don't know it or too happy to be "milked", to give a damn! I don't care about IR marriage, sex, or nothing else. As a black man, I do care about lies and exaggerations. AND BIAS STATEMENTS. White men define hypocrisy and the only white man who doesnt care about blacks dating whites or other races, are rejects or PERVERTS who cannot land a decent white or latina woman. But knows all-to-well (& sadly) That even as a reject, His Whiteness affords him the luxury of being worshipped beyond his wildest dreams by black women. Whites know black women very good. And you all allow those men to do what they want how and when. So much so, that youre focking MOUTH PIECES for them now a days!

  • Megan

    ummmmm yeah i have a white boyfriend and i mean, people are people…i dont juge. i've dated black guys and one white guy who is my current boyfriend. He's really cool and not as careless as my other boyfriends….but i'm not saying black guys are careless…they definately are not, but i guess its just the idiot school i go to. I'm willing to date anybody out of any race…there are jerks of every color, lol. But yeah. the guy i date is 18 and i'm a few years younger so im just i guess "expirimenting" because i've never been in love, and i'm shy, but never afraid to approach any race, because people are people. Well, whatever just my input -_-

  • http://www.amoramore.com rest

    Stop talking make peace and love.

  • The R.O.D. Guy

    The reason for why people see dating darker-skinned Americans, or “blacks”, as such a horrible thing, and why I honestly believe some people actually do it — is because of the media.

    Think about it… You watch movies, and the majority of the time, who’s the person of wealth? Who generally is seen as a person of poverty? Who is seen to take his woman on extravagant vacations and getaways? Who is usually seen as living in the slums or ghetto, always upset about his surroundings. Who’s the really cool secret agent, spy, or just an overall, really cool person of greatness? Who’s doing drive-by’s against their own kind, smoking, doing drugs, and just really being outright unattractive in many ways? Who is seen as the employer? Who is seen as the employee, if he even has a job?

    There is no accident to why we see what we see when we watch movies, television, or hell, even the news..

    Think about it… A white person commits a crime, and unless it’s something really crazy, the news may or may not discuss it, and if they do, they rarely show what the person looks like. However, if a darker-toned American (black person) commits a crime, they will be 99.9% certain to show his picture, and it will be the ugliest mugshot image you could ever imagine seeing. It’s almost like a scare-tactic.

    If you watch sports, notice how when a white guy fucks up, the sports announcers will try to cover it up by talking about all the good stuff the person does, and how this mistake is out of character for him, because he usually does so well.. Reverse it, and have a black person make a mistake, and they will be sure to tell you of this, as well as other things the person has messed up with. They may try to blend in some positive comments in, if the person is of superstar-status (maybe).

    We also have so much Greek Mythology and great superhuman white people, however, nobody ever seems to discuss African Mythology. By “discuss”, I mean, put it in a really awesome movie, like an “Alexander the Great” or “Troy” or something of that nature. There are a lot of factors that play a role in how we, as a people, view black folks, and the majority of them are not good, and what’s worse is the fact that it’s fed to children in movies like “The Little Mermaid”, and pretty much every other Disney movie known to mankind. Since I mentioned “The Little Mermaid”, the next time you watch it, pay close attention to the lazy-ass black Jamaican animal that swims around singing about how great it is to be lazy and not have to work “under the sea”… Just really pay close attention to what you see.

    So yes, it’s fed to our children, and it’s so subliminal that we don’t even realize it! We’re almost being hypnotized into being racists without even understanding what we’ve become.

    So to these black women that wish to date white men, because “black men….”, I say to them, “you are so full of shit.” You put down your own kind to date someone else? What does that make you? White? No. You still are who you are, and no matter who you date, you can’t change that. Accept who you are. Love who you are. Whether you’re white, black, green, or purple, love you. Love who you are.

    Now again, the attraction for these white men are quite possibly derivatives from what I mentioned at the beginning of this post. Don’t think that just because you’re with this white guy, your life will become perfect, either. Life is life, no matter who you’re with. Just be with a person because you want to be with them. Don’t be with a person because an entire race (of your own kind) has personally fucked you over — because we all know that’s just not possible.

    In the end, all that matters is that you find happiness with whomever you date/love/marry/etc… But just don’t put down your own kind, in the process, because it makes you look more of a villain than a victim.

    • Rob

      Diamond Award for comments. Bravo!!!!

  • Seánaí

    What has it got to do with a complete stranger who I'm married to? You may have the same skin colour but that sure as hell doesn't give you the right to dictate who I should date! I am white….my girl is black & our boy is mixed race, so together we're making the world a more colourful place! Black dudes …..GET OVER IT. I don't care if you date a white woman so keep your nose out of my business when you see me with my lady……I may not react to kindly if you catch my drift!

    • Billy

      beetch fock OFF

  • kendra

    The biggest issues I think with anyone dating interracially are cultural differences, economic/social status, and the perspective towards the relationship. I'm bi-racial (technically multi-racial but for simplicity's sake, I'll split it into black and white) and look mixed to black people and mexican people, but just black to whites/asians. Anyways, I grew up with my mom's side of the family -the black side of the family- and lived/studied in schools with primarily white children. That said, a majority of my friends were different races (mixed or just White, Asian, Mexican, etc) and different religions. With that said, I was able to connect to various types of cultures. I love rock music, I love fiestas and long ass parties that never end, you'll never see me camping or going on a safari with dangerous animals roaming about, Frasier is one of the best shows ever made, I would attack the hell out of Chinese food, etc. With that said, cultural differences haven't been too big for me -based off of growing up in a multi-cultural environment and a supportive mom- where dating non-black men were causing me stress, guilt, whatever (I can't speak for black women in general, or other bi-racial/multi-racial women). Secondly, all the guys I was interested in were the same economic status that I'm in -I can imagine a relationship not working out if one party is lower class and another was upper-middle/upper class. And, all the guys I have liked (American white guys, Europeans, Latinos), I liked them not just for their level of attractiveness, but also the many similarities we had in common -our love of films/food/humor/music/dance/friend types/etc. I think the biggest problem people are going to have when dating is getting rid of pre-conceived notions regarding the opposite partner's behavior, positive racism, and stereotypes. A lot a times, I met guys that I was interested in who would blame something on their "whiteness" as if I was thinking it -for example, if they aren't dancing as well as I am- or have mentioned how good I am at something because I'm black. For example, I told someone that I loved sports and they immediately asked if I played basketball -which could because of my long legs- but most likely was because basketball is a black dominated sport. :/ Had he seen me play with a basketball he would've laughed. I'd say don't let people shape your heart and your mind on who you can hate or fall in love with. For centuries, minorities and the majority in power have been restricted on who they can love and who they can be seen with in public that why would you want to continue it by saying 'he's a traitor for not dating a black woman, she hates black men, that's why she's dating a white boy'. Continue to rep your culture and share it with others, but don't ever sell yourself short and settle! Oh, and lastly, if someone finds you attractive (positive racism in the sense that a white/spanish girl wants to sleep with you because she think you'll have a giant penis or a guy wants to date you because he heard black women are crazy wild in bed) avoid them like the plague!! :] Have a great day everyone!

  • Dana

    I know it's an old post but I couldn't help but comment. I have dated 3 white guys, and 3 black guys (I am white). Two serious relationships: one white, one black.

    One of the black guys I was dating said he heard from a girl I used to work with that I only date black guys and he's not really into girls like that because that's what his ex was like. He said he wanted someone to like him for him, and not his muscles, or swag, or "what he's packing below".

    The truth is, I date who I date. I'm very attracted to black men – but also very attracted to accents. So aussies, british, latino will do good in my books to (color doesn't matter). There aren't a whole lot of black men where I live, and there's a whole LOT of white women that don't even consider black men as options. So I guess I find it pretty easy to get dates with black men. When I am out, I'm not shy about approaching guys. If there's a sexy black man – I'll probably talk with him first because he's the one I'm most attracted to.

  • Dana

    These are MY generalizations, but I realize that they are not truths. Many examples and experiences could be shared that would counter my experience:

    - White guys have had a pretty peachy life; they don't understand struggle and perserverance. They are used to getting hand-outs
    - Where I come from, most of the black guys immigrated by themselves when they finished highschool. They've worked hard to establish themselves with little contact to their families. They speak at least 3 languages. They are resourceful.

    Anyways, I guess I'm trying to say that it's not just the physical appearance I find attractive – but the life experience of that individual. At the end of the day, I want to be with someone: 1) I'm attracted to 2) Has the qualities I am looking for in a partner. Truth be told though, it would appear I only date black men.

    • who knew

      I come from an interracial family, my mom is from russia and my daddy is an afroamerican… I live in italy in a small town , with like 3000 inhabitants… what can i say I only dated white guys , and i can say that i-m pretty fond of them…. There aren-t a lot of blk people around here, but it’s fine… My mom always tell me to date black guys, she says that they love better and stuff like that.. But no way! Even if I m going to live in the U.S i don-t think I-m gonna date black guys…. I’m not self.hating my race it-s just that i lived in a white place for too long x)…. Ehi but wait if I see a jamie foxx,laz alonso maybe I’ll change my mind :D

    • Dan

      Dana,

      I do not know what white guys you are speaking of. All of my boys and I worked our rear sides off and got nothing from no one. Our society is actually working against white men. We put ourselves thru school, obtained good grades, paid our own tution and worked one or two jobs while doing the above….wow….try a white guy of character and you may find you like it and experience a broading of your perspective! A real white guy will make you feel like a women of value and grace as God made you.

  • Dan

    So, black women vary as white women do and it means nothing. Life is pointless and meaningless. We give life its meaning so, black, white who cares? I will tell you this, the black women I have been with, (as a white male) have been passionate and caring and not in anyway like what popular culture say about black women…also it is amazing to me how black men react to a white man with a black women…it is such a clear indication of their own predjudice and insecurity…most and not all black men are all about being with a white women and that is fine…yet I have encountered some really vulgar and confrontational behavior when I have been with a black women…interesting isn’t it? It is a double standard with some black men and they need to grow up and join the possibility of having maturity.

    • Stella Stone

      Landmark graduate???

    • thinker-1

      You know "nothing" about Blackwomen,their history,their hair,nor what it means to be a Black person here.Its a shame ,that you people continue to brainwash our women,even in 2012………thinker-1

    • thinker-1

      You don't know shit whiteboy,the only reason you're seeking a blackgirl ,is because your kind ,has always wanted to "experiment with black people".But, to the negro women that participate with you,they'll have to learn of your nature,thru association…………….thinker-1………..

  • Stella Stone

    I only date white men. I love their passion for life and they can handle how strong I am. Actually it's what the men I have dated seem to like the most about me. I feel supported when I need it and they are openly affectionate. My man is always proud to be with me.

    • thinker-1

      Dear Stella Stone,by you saying what you've said,proves to everyone how much you hate yourself.If you loved yourself,you would find love in your own kind first.you've only proved to your white men that "they are better than you",and you will always be less than them,.In other words they are still your Master,and you are the lesser slave………….thinker-1

  • thinker-1

    First of all,a "REAL-BLACK-WOMAN" would never date a "whiteman" ,out of all Men.Why,because a Real Black Woman would know better,but a "modern-day-colored-woman would,think about it my people,……….thinker1……….

  • thinker-1

    First of all,the "psychosocialology" behind this subject, is too long to talk about in just a few moments.It would take about 500 years to truly relate what Black People have fought, died,and been "unfairly" convicted, of every evil thing on the face of this earth,at the hands of the "Slavemaster's children ,even as we speak.And to think of a "false sense progress",such as these "so-called blak-women" have expressed of(how sweet it is to be with a white man),makes me want to "PUKE".Shame on you,you don't deserve to call yourselves Black,because your best interest, is not in the interest of BLACK-FOLK.You are nothing but" modern-day-COLORED-women.You see,the difference between a "REAL-BLACK -WOMAN,and a " modern -day-colored – woman,is that the colored woman ,is anybody's woman,her heritage,race,pride,history,respect,means nothing.And,if she had any ,if could be bought,sold or traded for a little of nothing,or maybe even a quick lie.

  • thinker-1

    In other words,A "True-Black-Woman",would never sell her "SOUL" back to the "OPPRESSOR",once she has been freed,…………………thinker-1

  • thinker-1

    I want to make it clear,"I HATE ,NO ONE",I just love my people,and especially myself.I just hate the stupid decisions we make ,and have made.No other race have experienced what we have,and continue to make the same mistakes.And,by selling ourselves to anyone for a little,when in the past we were sold against our will tells a lot about our "weakened mindset".This proves that some of us us are still suffering from the 'AFTER-effects" of slavery.With this generation,they have the "CHAINs on their BRAINS,instead of on their ankles………..thinker-1……………

    • TiteTrax

      You have the luxury of being educated and it shows! A good friend of mine always says that Black women STILL are the property of the white Devil. I have to agree. If I was a Black woman, I'd date outside my race if we were compatible, but NEVER would I date a white boy FOR ANY REASON!!!! Too much bad history to be ignored. Just like Black men are being programmed to be thugs thru tv, movies, and music, white boys are programmed to think that they are better than us. PERIOD!!! Any white boy in a relationship with a Black women thinks he is superior to Black men. But many Black women can't seem to pick it up out of the comments that the white boy makes. I can read the above comments by white boys and read into their "assumed superiority" immediately while the Black chicks can't or just don't care as long as they're running the relationship. Many Black women are too weak to deal with the strength of a Black man so they go to the cuckold white boy so they can run things. I say, "please go to the weak white boy so I know which Black women are weak right off the bat! :)

      • rainman55544`

        Excellent post1!

  • thinker-1

    I don't undrstand what's happening to our Black people,I wonder have any of these" colored women"(negro women with white men),ever heard of the "willie lynch" syndrome?? Willie Lynch guarendeed the slaveowners of a "surefire way" to keep their slaves" divided and controlled" for 300 years ,possibly even a thousand years ,by means of "division ,(complexion,age,gender,etc.That was some 400 or so years ago.Now yall think about it,the way these negro women a running back to the ones, who originally enslaved them ,because of the hatred of their "God given mate"(Blackmen),aks yourself,was willie lynch right,or wrong ??……………..thinker-1…………

    • Mia

      Willie Lynch wasn’t even real. I thought everything knew that right now. But anyway, look at the way Black women are treated by Black men? We’ve had misogynistic music against Black women for decades now, and Black men haven’t defended us. Black men terrorize us in our neighborhoods, make life hell for our kids, etc. Is there any wonder why Black women want to leave? Of course it’s not all Black men, but the silence of the supposedly “good ones” is deafening. The overall message is that Black men do not really love Black women. Clean up the music, clean up the behavior, clean up the neighborhoods, clean up the families, maybe you’ll start to see the change you want. But there is no way I would tell my daughters to stay in the African American community as it is now.

      • thinker-1

        Lady,I don’t know your age,and you “certainly “don’t know your history ,but ,why do you think hate groups still exist today.The KKK terrorized black me, women and children just a few years ago.And the majority of them still don’t love ,even now.The greatest education for “negros’ like you,is to let you continue to think as you think,and do as you do.And then,somewhere down the road ,just like “halle b.”,you’ll get your education,ha,ha,ha, ………………thinker-1………………..

      • mark

        Or a sellout u forgot da crackers started datnshytnsomif u gone tell or daughters to hate cracker notjuss black mmen

  • MENZA

    My name is Vicky i am from United States, I was in a relationship with Ben and we loved and cherished ourselves for 3 good years and every thing was going on smoothly but February 14, 2012 a day i can call a lovers day we both had misunderstanding because i answered a call from a guy that is asking me out for a date but i refused,and he told me that the relationship is over and that he is fed up with me and i begged him because i love him so much but he refused me i was so down cast and i felt the world has come to an end for me but my friend told me about a spell caster that helped her sister out in getting her relationship back,a good job and favor in any of her endeavor but at first i was scared but i have to give this man a trial because i love Ben very much and i am not willing to loose him to any woman,so i ordered returning my love spell from this great spell caster that made me a happy woman again to say it all my ex came back to me with much love and a caring heart…i am testifying to this great spell caster The Great Esango Priest. if you need his help you can contact him on:[email protected]

  • MrsJackson

    Hello All,
    I am a Black woman married who has been happily married to a White man for 9 years. I believe some people get too wrapped up in race and don't realize that their is more to people than just their race or ethnicity. I did not date or marry my husband because he was White. I have always been more interested in a man's intelligence than his race and for that reason I dated men of most races including Black, White, and Latino men.

    I met my husband while we were serving in the Army and I fell in love with his mind, his soul, and his enthusiastic personality. I might have a different perspective than most because I am Black woman, who has a long family history of mixed race families. On both sides of my family we were taught to love people for their spirit, not their skin and because of those values I have always dated all men who show that they have intelligence and character.

    I love my husband very much because he has a wonderful soul. I also love my twin brother, who is an outstanding strong Black man, a fantastic painter, and a loving step father. I would never tell any Black woman to only date White men, and I would never tell a Black women not to date Black men. I would tell a Black woman to date a man who respects you, treats you like lady, and shares your values. Black women: Don't exclude men from your dating options because he is Black or White because there are a lot of great, reliable, trustworthy, gentlemen out there, so don't stereotype Black or White men. Look for men who share your values, and you will find a man who makes you happy.

  • edward

    theres nothing wrong with getting together withsomeone outside your race, if you agree on thing’s and you care about about each other, and things work out, then do it, dont look at others wanting to get approoval from them,
    they dont care,

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  • Tyrone

    twicemAyveIm a black man, and i date white girls, not your typical “valley” white girls with blonde hair blue eyes ditzy and rich. Aka the typical white girl black chicks think about when i say im into white girls. Nah being from nyc you’d know the white girls jhere are just as real, YET AGE and experience, and income of us black men has ALOT to do with it. When i was 15 years old thru 21 living with my mom in the BX and all i cared about was.clubbing and going to college i dated any girl i liked. Ghetto upper class black white hispanic and Asian. 21 – 25 as a bachelor buying.bottles in the club i was more attracted to the.big.booty girls, clubbers who tended to be black girls, yet when it came to my “grown” life, white girls seem to be.where i am in life. At 25-30 i was well into my career, done with clubbing wanting to settle down, more mature have a condo to upkeep, i like to travel, im adventurous, im cultural and im not saying that it is impossible…but in nyc esp. Its HARD to find a black women 25-30 unscorned, good career, no children yet without an attitude who is also cultural and adventurous. MOST of the black women i run into now my age i meet either have horrible attitudes , rude and like to fight more than laugh. When i say lets go kayaking and camping this weekend they say “i aint white, and i just got my perm did u think ima get my hair wet, shiiiiit we black we dont sleep in the woods”, if i say baby lets go to an art museum this weekend or a jazz club….the response TYPICALLY was “ooooh we gwan go to the club alright but its kikis bday we going to the.4040 club”, or theyd go to an art museum w/ me twice maybe just to impress me as we casually dated, than once we got serious they’d say “nooo id rather go to a movie art is boring, or not tonigjt babeee cuzz basketball wives on n she pullin out this bitches tracks tonighttt aowwww i gotta tweet this”. This is my personal experience, and i did not say ALL nyc black women are like this, but dont front you know most are and denial is a horrible blinder. Also most of my black friends with money like to travel like us and they dont want to pay for everything for these women, they want to go to Le Ciao knowing that if service is slow that their date wont yell and scream like “wheres my damn food”. On the other hand my boys from the L.e.s and the grand concourse area are black men with black women, so to say the “good” black man is going away. Welk usually “ratchet” and bitter black women say that because the college educated career obtaining summer home having black women dont.have to speak those words because they are.with the successful black men, just like the successful long islander white girl. Dont hate and worry about your game first ladies and gents. Ita late and im typing fast from a touch screen phone there may be many typos here, i wish I could prove read it but i must go to sleep, good night.

  • Tanisha

    In my experience, white weenie is actually bigger than black weenie when it is hard. And it tastes better too. Usually white weenie tastes like really good sundaes, whereas black weenie tastes like ass.

    • rainman55544

      Well maybe if u stop sucking it after it been up yours, maybe it will taste different, just a suggestion.

    • Swirl Vanilla

      You are adorable! You made me laugh. This white male is down with the swirl… Black girls are like M&M, they melt in you mouth. Mmmmm, yum.

  • James

    Chiming in on a request to hear from a white man. I work nights and me and a black co-worker were talking about things like this at work tonight.

    My post won't follow the normal 1,2,3, format.

    Now I'll get to what this thread is actually about. I was raised to only date white women. Not that it was explicitly said, but it was implied. When I was 21 I dated a black woman, I cared about her very much, and do this day looking back i'm positive she felt the same. I'm about to throw everybody's stereotypes for a loop and I'm glad. She was 10 years older then me, and she was the one who had her life together. Thats right, she wasn't with me "because I had money", In fact my family has been dirt poor going back at least 3 generations and i'm sure it was the same before then. And she wasn't Beyonce, just like i'm not Ashton. In fact, we were just a guy and a girl finding comfort with each other.

    Enter Reality:

    It is an unfortunate truth I think, that in our society when things like this are brought up the most vocal of our species(human) are usually the worst examples. We tend to believe otherwise, after all everybody knows who Martin Luther King Jr, Ghandi, Mother Theresa is. Surely with such paragons of virtue as our moral leaders we are moving beyond this crap? Nope. I promise you, for the one real life Abe Lincoln, there are 100 secret hitlers, of all colors. They never make the news, are never in Time magazine, but they are out there on the streets. They spew venom and bile whenever an oppurtunity presents itself and they want you to be unhappy! Your misery makes them feel better about their own.

    Me and this woman eventually had to part ways and the reason is because I couldn't handle the pressure. Now that isn't to say I blame society! By no means, it was my fault because I wasn't ready to "man-up" and deal with the fact that in life a lot of people will have something bad to say about the choices you make. This was nearly a decade ago. Everytime we went out, there would be people constantly looking and whispering. Black guys giving me evil eyes when we went to eat,saying "wtf! as we walked by. a white girl I went to school with seeing us and going "ahhh..k". Some white "friends" saying stupid crap like "Dude! What are you doing man!?"Its easy to say things like "who cares what others think?" Today I would agree, but being in the south with this type of relationship dynamic a decade ago, well I thought it was a lot to handle. You gotta live it I suppose.

    I can only Imagine the crap she dealt with, being that not only was I white, but younger and poorer. She kept a lot of it to herself, because she was stronger then me. Its good that we did part ways, she deserved a man who could knuckle up when life got crappy.

    Today things are much better, if you are in your late teens or early 20's and reading this you may think it comes off as melodramatic. Trust me, i wasn't great then, and interracial couples before my time? I can imagine that was a warzone.

    I've always been open to the idea of dating another black woman, but I just haven't found another black woman who made me feel that way. I guess I always feel like there is some expectation for one of the parties involved to be something they are not. Sometimes I know when a black woman is interested in me, especially if I know her from work or a social setting, but its like as soon as one of us tries to cross that bridge things just get wierd, She'll start talking and acting like I've never seen before, and I do the same! I'm not sure if this is a racial thing or just an instinct. Men and women will act differently towards somebody of the same race if they are trying to impress them, at its core It could just be a mating instinct(What does this [person] find attractive or desirable), but I don't know.

    Damn I ramble.

    I agree with many of the previous posters on the issue of self-hate. The reasons you date somebody outside of your race should be the same reasons you would be with somebody of your race. I can promise there are jerks of all races so, like a previous poster said, daiting a [insert race here] person won't do you any better if you pick a crappy person.

    I have forgotten my original point. I've worked all night and I'm beat, sorry for the post being all over the place. Happy Thanksgiving.

  • fiona

    Four years ago I started dating white guys. Since then, I havent dated any black guys and I am mostly attracted to white guys. This was mainl a conscious decision. I have dated quite a few black guys and even married one and have found some unpleasant traits in our brothers compared to white guys.
    1. Black guys,I have found, are competitive and easily feel threatened by assertive or successful women.
    2. Black guys have huuuge egoes, which often times arent backed up by any achievements, but just because they are men
    3. Most black guys are not open minded and confine themselves to a certain way of life and viewpoint, white guys tend to be very open minded
    4. Many black guys behave like they have a chip on their shoulder and are way too defensive
    5. Some black guys have an inferiority complex that prevents them from exploring new things or pursuing their goals
    6. A lot of black guys overcompensate and act out when in the presence of white people
    7. Many black guys are not able to show affection and do everything they can to avoid showing emotion, white guys tend to be more affectionate
    8. White guys tend to be more responsible, supportive and really do stand by their woman
    9. White guys are not always hungry for women, and are more faithful.

  • fiona

    Four years ago I started dating white guys. Since then, I havent dated any black guys and I am mostly attracted to white guys. This was mainly a conscious decision. I have dated quite a few black guys and even married one and have found some unpleasant traits in our brothers compared to white guys. (I am now married to a white guy)
    1. Black guys,I have found, are competitive and easily feel threatened by assertive or successful women.
    2. Black guys have huuuge egoes, which often times arent backed up by any achievements, but just because they are men
    3. Most black guys are not open minded and confine themselves to a certain way of life and viewpoint, white guys tend to be very open minded
    4. Many black guys behave like they have a chip on their shoulder and are way too defensive
    5. Some black guys have an inferiority complex that prevents them from exploring new things or pursuing their goals
    6. A lot of black guys overcompensate and act out when in the presence of white people
    7. Many black guys are not able to show affection and do everything they can to avoid showing emotion, white guys tend to be more affectionate
    8. White guys tend to be more responsible, supportive and really do stand by their woman
    9. White guys are not always hungry for women, and are more faithful.

  • Ogbaami

    Assert your identty until you arrive at the point of unconscious self-assurance.
    You cannot refute your identity, which implies pride in continuance of your ethnicity and culture and your antecedents: otherwise you are uniemancipated.

    Is it not meaningless to say "I'm black and proud" while denying your own men and women?
    If they are weak, make them strong; ….

  • tlm

    Omg!!! People please educate yourselves before making comments that make no sense at all. These comments are based on person opinions and not facts. The reason that women are speaking out on this subject is because most black women feel the need to somehow be loyal to the black men as a whole and not date outside of their race. Ask most black women if they would consider it and they will respond "no". Now for the black women who has really been out there in the dating world and im not speaking on the really young women, im mainly speaking on the 30 and up group, we know that there arent enough black men to go around, which is why so many black women are single, especially if you live in the south where black men are locked up at record breaking rates, not to mention the ones who dont date women, and the very large group who dont date black women. This link should shed some light on what im talking about when i say the numbers dont match. If every black man decided to get married today most black women would still be single, so with that black women if you dont want to grow old alone, and hope to get married one day be open minded and date outside your race, otherwise you will either be alone or playing tug of war with someone elses man.lol jk but in all seriousness please read information about the ratio of black men to black women.. .http://www.mybrotha.com/nogoodmen.asp

    • CocoSista

      Great post but I don't think I would ever date a White man ever! I have had White guys interested in me before but I never dated them or was even attracted to them.

      If I was to date outside of my race(which I never will), I would date an Afro Latino or Latino. Hispanic is the closest thing to Black race anyways.

  • Tanya

    There is a huge misconception when it comes to all races! The way that people connect is by having the same mind sets, goals, beliefs and values. I am a woman of color and I am engaged to a caucasian man, and I am very happy with him. I have found that most black men (not all), are mammas boys, and are usually raised with the wrong views about black women, either because they are raised by women, or by their grandparents due to broken homes. Therefore, the majority of black men do not have healthy views of themselves and don't know how to treat any woman let alone a woman of color . Once again this does not apply to all men of color, and if this post does not apply to you don't respond, because a hit dog hollars. Nonetheless, there is also this thing called PREFERENCE!, and this one word applies to every race, creed, gender, sexuality, or economic background!

  • Natty_Rose

    I am Black and married outside of my race (Cuban-Ecuadorian) and couldn't be happier. Some people are for it, some people hate it. All that matters is that my spouse and I love the person we lay down with at night. The attraction was not some warped fetish of someone that only wanted to be with a person of said race, it was two people being attracted and in love on a human level. If you feel the need to explain and justify your choices, then maybe you shouldn't be with that person. The person you are explaining yourself to will already have their mind made up when they ask you.

  • Jazzi

    I don't understand why this is a big deal just because Black women have finally decided to stop waiting around for a brotha. No one shouted this to the numerous amounts of Black men who have stated over and over again that they don't date Black women because we are "snobby" "loud" "fat and ugly" "think we're better than them because we are educated" or "ignorant". Is it not ingenuine of Black men who do this? Besides there really isn't an equal ratio of Black men to Black women. I've lived in several states and now am in DC. You have to have options.

  • drblais

    they are getting smarter and more educated. white men take care of women and don't abuse and abandon them at any where near the rate black men abandon kids or beat them

    • CocoSista

      LOL Only a brainwashed, self hating loser thinks that way. There is just as much White men who leave their children and mistreat their women as Black men. Heck, there is more incidents of White men killing their wives than Black men. I am not saying Black men are perfect but you can't praise one race of man over the other. White men aren't perfect and they aren't out for the best interest of Black women!

      Men are men.

  • jmaster

    A white man have yall stupid asses let him train you at the meanwhile Ill be kicked back enjoying life with on of their women. Atleast white women aren't confused about dating a b/m Im always getting staredat from b/w with w/m wondering when Im out alone.Get all the black women you want white boys I could careless

    • CocoSista

      Fuck you! When Whitey is done with you, then you will need Sistas but people like you will never wake up. White bitches are only using you for your dick, nothing more, nothing less.That is why Black men/White women have one of the highest divorce rates out of all interracial romances. Most White women don't give a damn about Black men and they prefer White men.

  • CocoSista

    I don't think Black women should date or marry outside of the Black race. Dating and marrying non Blacks especially Whites will weaken our genes and produce confused mixed kids with diluted blood. I know most Black men in this country are self hating disappointments but there are some good Black men out there outside of this country. Try them. Or find a Black man who loves Black woman and is willing to commit.

    Honestly White guys aren't much different from Blacks, only skin color. Besides I couldn't ever date one ever.

  • Swirl Vanilla

    Those of us who date outside our race, just laugh at the rest of you…

  • Pingback: Heckled by a Black Man: Thoughts on Interracial Dating()

  • Greg

    Its hard for a white guy to find a black woman. I am lucky I just found one. :}

  • James

    The truth is many black women just think the taste of white cock is better in their mouth. That's just how it is yo. Bang it baby.