Women Should Have a Gang of Men

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Please note that he did put a ring on it.

“When you date just one guy, you might feel pressured to commit, even if you’re not ready,” she says. “If you see two men, there’s often this unspoken need to choose between them. But three guys tend to balance each other out, like a tripod.” – Source: CNN

I’ve noticed a pattern in relationship advice giving lately. It essentially boils down to “women should date like men.” It’s no secret that men have largely accepted and employed the theory of entertaining a number of women during their romantic pursuits since… well, since forever. In recent years, I’ve noticed more and more people of both sexes are encouraging women to entertain more than one man in their romantic pursuits as well. This isn’t to say women haven’t secretly done this the whole time. It has simply become a more vocal recommendation.

This weekend I stumbled on an interesting movie with a similar theme, Two Girls and a Guy, staring Robert Downey Jr and Heather Graham. In essence, Robert’s character, Blake, has been dating two women for the exact same period of time, approximately one year. Eventually, the two women find out about one another when they both show up at his apartment to surprise him. This, however, is only the beginning. The revelation of the hidden love-triangle inspires a series of interpersonal conversations between the three, which reveals that in actuality none of the parties have been completely honest with one another during the course of their respective relationships. To varying degrees, all have lied, cheated, mislead and told half-truths in order to accomplish their own selfish pursuits. Ironically, none of these open and honest conversations would have occurred if the infidelities of Blake were never exposed.

There was another movie I watched recently, which was not as good as the first I’ve listed (or particularly good at all), but the concept was interesting and familiar. It was called S*xting. Similar to many relationships of the 21st century, the movie title comes from the predominant reliance on communication via text versus phone by all parties involved. In this movie, the girl is the one with a number of boyfriends – four to be exact – and they all know about each other. While each serves a specific role, they are all also sleeping with her. In fact, the one she claims to love the most is a married man.

Conversely, the main guy in the story is dating three women as well but none of them know about each other. As the two main character’s relationship begins to mature, we observe that it is far easier for the woman to leave her past behind because she was honest the whole time. The man on the other hand struggles to part from his group of women because none of them knew about each other in the first place. This then begs the question: should you be honest with all the people you’re dating (and/or sleeping with). Plus, are you being dishonest because you’re a selfish liar, you’re not sure they can handle the truth, or you just don’t want to bother with the headache?

In an article I shared last week researchers found, “More than 40% of women and almost 30% of men would ask for a divorce if they discovered their spouse was having an affair.” This is despite the fact that all of the respondents were unfaithful or looking to be unfaithful behind their spouses backs themselves. This is hypocrisy at its finest but when it comes to our own self-interest people are hypocritical.

Just as different people can serve different roles outside of bed, so too, can they satisfy different needs between the sheets. In their groundbreaking book, “The Ethical Slut,” Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy describe the ways in which single women (and men) can juggle multiple sexual partners and enjoy intimacy safely and “ethically.”

Marriage is wonderful for many, but it’s not the right choice for everyone. Whether you’re sexually intimate with more than one person or simply enjoying a variety of friendships and dates, one doesn’t have to be the loneliest number. – Source: CNN

honest man and woman

Honesty is a two-way street.

Honestly, I’ve tried a number of these approaches with mixed results over the years. I’ve outright lied and I’ve outright told the truth. The success versus failure rate of either approach was relative. Other times I was honest with everyone but selectively more honest with women I thought (or who demonstrated) could handle the truth. For example, a man might tell the “main chick” he is not ready for a serious relationship, while he tells other women he encounters he is “seeing someone.” Technically, he is not lying to anyone. This also gives everyone the opportunity to decide if they want to deal with the dating situation or not.

If for nothing more than ease, I recommend the honest route but that isn’t to say jealousy, egos, and the possessive tendencies of human nature won’t rear their ugly heads. Dating multiple people is one of those things that sounds good in principle but is fairly difficult to implement, especially if you’re open and candid with all parties. All parties have to be very mature and emotionally sound. For instance, I might be fine with you seeing other men, but I don’t need to know how often you had relations with those other men or how good or bad it was relative to our experiences. Additionally, no matter how laid back someone might be they might feel differently knowing you had your legs wrapped around them last night but in the morning they see you walking down the street wrapped in the arms of another. Everything is all good, until it isn’t…

In theory, if we are not in a committed relationship then our time is our time and your time is your time. What you do with your time is your business. I’ve always felt I don’t own anyone – you are not my possession and there is no ring on your finger obligating you to me. While I hope for honesty and common courtesy, I understand why many people don’t have the courage, patience, or even feel they owe me an explanation if we’re not committed. Not everyone feels that way though, which brings me to today’s questions.
1) Should women date more like men, entertaining multiple suitors at a time or should men date more like women, focusing their attention on one woman at a time before moving on to the next? 2) Is there any right, wrong, or better approach for men/women? 3) Is honesty the best course of action? Should you inform your partner how many people you’re dating, when you’re dating them, and why you’ve chosen to date them or is ignorance bliss? 4) The most important question of all: Can you handle the truth?

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From Our Partners

  • Mr. SD

    Despite what Mr. Harvey says women shouldn't do anything like a man. Ya'll don't function like we do so leave it alone.

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      Basically anything done “like a man” is common sense that women shouldnt need to be told to. Apparently men are the only ones capable of logic and getting out of their own thoughts and feelings.

    • Bree

      Exactly Mr. SD. On his radioshow one time Steve also said his father told his sisters this – "You cannot do all the things men do, and still be a "lady"

  • http://panamaenrique.wordpress.com Malik

    I'll just answer three for now. I think your partner should know that you are DATING. The particulars are none of their business though. As long as all parties involved are aware that they are just DATING one another then it should be fine. If they aren't sure what entails then they should ask, otherwise I think it is perfectly reasonable to presume that they are not the only person being spoken to and being taken out and so on and so forth.

  • Paul B.

    It comes down to what everybody in the situation is cool with. If they like it, I love it. It would be foolish for me to have something to say about a situation that works for everybody involved. If those dudes know about each other and play their part and everybody's ok with it? No harm, no foul. If they don't know and are cool until they find out, once again no skin off of my back. Either way, I've learned to live and let live.

  • kalistetics

    I'm answering out of order:
    4. You’d be surprised what women are able to handle…well, actually you shouldn’t, being that we give birth to 8lb babies after carrying them for 9 months, but I digress. Yes, most women (I dare say all) can handle the truth and I wish more men would be honest upfront. Unfortunately, there are men who wait until the most inopportune time to be “honest”…you know, like when a woman’s emotions are completely involved.

    3. Yes, honesty is the best course, especially if you’re dating…and extra especially if you’re sexually active. There is nothing blissful about finding out about something that could have easily been disclosed in dating.

    1. I find it comical that women have been suggested to date like men. Should we dress like them, too? And vice versa? I agree with Mr. SD. However, I don’t think it hurts to understand the psyche of the opposite sex. Knowledge is power.

    2. Neh. Women should be women and men should be men. It’s been working so far, it just takes more time than what we’re accustomed to, thanks to the technological advances. We’re so used to having access to the things we want, when we want them, but dating doesn’t follow suit. We just have to be patient.

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      I take gender out of it, “date like men” to me is basically not putting all your eggs in one basket. Therein lies the double standards about heauxs and players and we’ve heard that all before

    • Mr. SD

      "Yes, most women (I dare say all) can handle the truth and I wish more men would be honest upfront. Unfortunately, there are men who wait until the most inopportune time to be “honest”"

      Honestly is somewhat overrated

      Ive struggled with this for so many years. I've always had females friends and found out when they like a guy and that guy decides to move on, it hurts them like hell, regardless of how " honest " he was. So within my own experiences ive tried to be honest ( most of the time) and still get treated like Im the bad guy. Sure, no one wants to hear they're not liked/wanted, who's really gonna take that well right? BUT after realizing being upfront and honest yields the same results as being an a**hole its kinda like whats the point of keeping it all honest?

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        I think the key of having a person be able to handle the truth is telling it on day one. First date. Get it out of the way. You’re talking to other people, there is nothing serious. That way there are no expectations that need to be dashed. If people had the guts to be upfront when it is easiest, they would find that a lot of people could handle it.

        • Mr. SD

          Ok so be honest miss Cougar. We out on date one, everything’s going great. Somehow I slide in the conversation that I’m dating 4 women and you are #5. Do I have a true shot at winning?

          How will I be perceived? This is what im asking myself

        • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          If you have the qualities I’m looking for, you have a shot. If you don’t, youll be one of my options. The other women arent an issue on the first date. You’re only a dog once you made me believe I’m the only one.

        • Mr. SD

          Ahhh this is perfect….what constitutes me " making you believe " you're the only one?

        • Larry

          Logical people think like this and I agree with everything you said here….however, it's been my experience that many people (men and women alike) do not think as logically in situations such as the one outlayed by Mr. SD. That's just the reality of the situation.

          I guess that's why one just keeps on dating until they meet people that think like WC.

        • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          I don’t have a definition for you, sir. I’m sure you know when you’re giving sufficient information and when you’re hiding things so you get the best deal for yourself. You should be able to look youself n the mirror and deal with whatever complaints she has.

        • Mr. SD

          I guess thats the issue I have..if I'm into you I don't care how many other women I'm seeing. I want you. Anyone else is irrevelent. I dont feel the need to mention how many other females I'm courting and I don't think I'm doing you a disservice. Because at the end of the day my goal is to win you and I will do so.

        • Tiara

          So is your goal to win that one woman while simultaneously winning all those other women you happen to be dating? And if you are interested in pursuing this one, what exactly is the benefit to the other women who are still thinking they have an equal shot at winning you or the use of you still dating in the multiples?

        • O.G.

          It's called having options. Of course I would prefer to be with potential #1, but if she doesn't work out, you always have a back up plan in potential #2 or #3. I have learned you can only go hard about 85% with the potential #1 because when you go too hard and she is not feeling you, it has become a waste of time, energy, and money. It's all about dating efficiently in this day and age.

        • That One Girl

          going in 85% will yield you an 85% return. so, you would be wise to have a back up plan if you are not interested in what 100% has to offer.
          My recent post Is Erykah Badu Really Out Her Mind, Just in Time?

        • Mr. SD

          " what exactly is the benefit to the other women who are still thinking they have an equal shot at winning you or the use of you still dating in the multiples? "

          Thats the risk involved in dating. Women like to date without taking the risk of being hurt..If i find one that suits me then eff the rest! Im not in this to benefit the other women. The goal is to find one and forever win with just her.

        • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          Well, sounds like not mentioning the other women is part of your strategy. Cause if they really are irrelevant, then you would stop seeing them. You want your cake and to eat it, too. In that case you should be fine with the fallout and being called a dog when/if she finds out. People, logical, mature or not, should have the dignity to be aware of what theyre dealing with.

        • Reecie

          "Cause if they really are irrelevant, then you would stop seeing them."

          exactly this

        • Mr. SD

          " In that case you should be fine with the fallout and being called a dog when/if she finds out. "

          I'm fine with that.

      • kalistetics

        Honesty is not overrated. Honesty is not the issue; it’s the response to the honesty that people have difficulty dealing with. Being honest doesn’t mean you're exempt from getting your feelings hurt. When you're not chosen, yes it hurts like hell! You can't control that nor is it your job to do so, but people (men and women) try to control that non-pleasant response by either not telling the truth or holding out until the “right” time because to avoid hurting the other person’s feelings. But here’s the thing: the longer you wait to be honest, the uglier the response will be. So to make everyone’s life a little easier, the least you can do is be honest and upfront from the beginning.

        • Mr. SD

          I agree with all of this. I only say its overrated because i don't believe either party is 100% honest from the beginning. Men lie – women lie – until we find that one person and then none of the past matters.

        • kalistetics

          I definitely agree that both parties lie! That doesn't make it right, though.

          Being honest upfront doesn't mean you're automatically my man and that you need to tell me everything, it just let's me know how to proceed.

        • Mr. SD

          Question: so what does a man say to you in order for you to feel comfortable enough to keep him as an option but not label him a dog/playa?

        • kalistetics

          All you have to say is "I'm dating other people."

        • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

          You want to lie and get what you want (dog/playa behavior) but not be seen as a dog/playa…

        • Mr. SD

          Not true. Id like to have the option to date whom I feel like dating without any guilt or pressure from anyone. What's so bad about wanting that. If I'm labeled a dog in the process then so be it.

        • Mr. SD

          Also if I'm out on a date a lady ask if I'm dating anyone else I would absolutely let her know the deal. But you better believe I'm not just throwing it out there like that.

      • Bree

        Mr. SD your delivery and how you say what you say and under what circumstances is just as impnt than what you say. Maybe it's how your saying it and the circumstances under which your saying it……..ijs

  • http://afrikanmami.blogspot.com African Mami

    1.) No. 2.) Approach is subjective, and specific to the individual 3.) Ignorance is bliss. 4.) I don't know. Depends on the severity of the truth being told.

  • Alakaii Hawaii

    "All parties have to be very mature and emotionally sound.”

    dating is code for 'let me smash until I grow tired of you and move on and I may or may not pretend it'll lead to something more to make you comfortable with all this.'

    Dating wreaks of immaturity and fear. Both of my relationships were s*xless. When I'm single I tell the truth when more than one person is interested. I do that because I'm fiercely loyal and I want the best man to claim me as his.

    and lets be mature. Suitors are not males lined up to smash. Suitors are men committed to your hand in marraige.

  • Smilez_920

    1)Women entertaining multiple suitors are nothing new. Our grandmothers never put all their eggs in one basket until one proved to be worth it. It’s just that they didn’t sleep with all of the guys pursuing them. I think if you’re not ready for something super series than dating multiple men is fine, whatever floats your boat. But if you’re looking for a series partner than I don’t think dating multiple people is a good idea at least not for more than 1 or 2 months, I know if I’m looking for something serious and your dating multiple people (like 2 or 3 months in) then you’re probably not that interested in me.
    2)To me the best approach to dating is being honest with yourself (and others), be realistic, take it one day at a time and don’t over think.

    • Smilez_920

      3)You don’t have to go into full detail but if you’re dating more than one person at a time you probably aren’t looking to settle down anytime soon. Make that clear to whomever you’re dating that you’re just dating and not committed nor are you look for commitment. You don’t have to give them full detail like (who, what when where).

      4)I think most women can handle the truth. Like someone mentioned above a lot of men wait until a women becomes emotional invested to start really revealing the truth (i.e.: after you already gave up the goods). I think some men feel that handling the truth means she should just accept what he had told her without him suffering any consequences/reaction (i.e. a detailed conversation, her getting upset, or her leaving which isn’t the outcome he might be looking for.)

      • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

        I agree. Women have been dating and sexing more than one man since forever. They were just being discreet about it. And since some men prefer to believe they are the only one (cause were not built to do that, LMAO) they are easy to fool.

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    *cues At the Same Damn Time instrumental*

    1) Should women date more like men, entertaining multiple suitors at a time or

    should men date more like women, focusing their attention on one woman at a time before moving on to the next?

    I think women should branch out more. Talking to that one guy for an extended amount of time will leave you duped into thing #yallgotogether. Relationships are not assumed, until you two have that talk in regards to where you stand, you’re free to date whomever, as is he. And dont think because you’re not taking full advantage of your singledom doesnt mean he isnt.

    2) Is there any right, wrong, or better approach for men/women?

    I think the right approach is staying single until you know what you want. Dudes hopping in relationships because its the quickest route to the draws is wrong. Females trying to claim dude simply because she dont want no other heaux to, also wrong.

    3) Is honesty the best course of action? Should you inform your

    partner how many people you’re dating, when you’re dating them, and why you’ve chosen to date them or is ignorance bliss?

    Yes honesty is always best. I had to break it down to this girl the other day, she told me she felt like she was just an option, i told her i didn’t know we were priorities yet (fyi curse #blacktwitter for that damn quote). She was offended by my bluntness but at the end of the day she is one of a few i’m considering dating exclusively. Yes we had a great time Friday but dont clear your schedule for next weekend.

    4) The most important question of all: Can you handle the truth?

    I can handle the truth. The truth does indeed set you free, assuming, guessing, trying to put pieces together, i don’t have time for that. I also dont have time to be lying, supporting and protecting my lie.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      "I also dont have time to be lying, supporting and protecting my lie."

      THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL

  • Classy6ft5

    Yes, women should date more like men. I'm not advocating having sex with all the men you date, but be entertained/entertaining.

    I have only told one person that I went out with that I was dating other people and he was okay with it. ( I'm thinking it was because he split his time between two cities Chicago/NY and was trying to make me his NY/NJ j/off, needless to say, I took the free dinner and ran).

    I do it, I love it, and I simply consider it a form of multitasking. I would like to get married one day and I'm not getting any younger. Multitask.

    • Smilez_920

      "Yes, women should date more like men. I'm not advocating having sex with all the men you date, but be entertained/entertaining. "

      I think the issue with women having a gang of men is people assuming that she will have sex with all of them, which is not always true. I see it as keeping your options open until someone who is ready to play a serious role in your life steps up or until you are ready for something serious.

      I think we should stop always associating sex with dating because thereare people who are sexing but aren’t dating just like there are a lot of people who are dating but aren’t sexing.

  • Naija

    1) I would answer with the latter, but I can really only speak for myself and the man who is seriously interested in dating me. I personally don’t have the energy to entertain more than one person at time, nor do I care to. Whether or not it’s the man’s usual speed, I will likely not date someone who is currently entertaining one or more prospects. It’s not a matter of not being able to handle the truth, but once again having no desire to deal with possible complications that could arise. Focus on me while I focus on you, and we can figure out whether or not we are compatible and move on from there. Men often talk about there being no urgency, so I don’t see it as a terrible sacrifice to purposely engage in serial dating.

    2) The success of each approach will invariably be determined by a number of factors. Naturally, people tend to be biased in favour of the approach that they employ.

    3) I don’t know that specifics are a requirement unless the other person deems them as such. As far as honesty it concerned, letting the other party know that they are not the only one in the picture satisfies that for as long as there are no half-truths told in response to direct questions. Personally, I will tell you as much as you feel the need to know about me and my dating habits and history. As per my previous response, the main question of importance is whether or not I’m the only one you’re considering. To be fair, I could see myself opening up a 3 date window over the span of 2 weeks to ascertain whether or not anything is substance is present, but I wouldn’t be as inclined to do so if he’d been dating the other woma/en for a number of months. After that time, we’ll have a chat to determine whether I’ll be the only one or this is goodbye. Last point: if you’re not on the same page as far as the degree of disclosure that is required, it might be better to cut your losses than sign up for future headache.

    4) Absolutely. The problem is that a lot of people confuse not wanting to deal with their situation with not being able to handle the truth. By all means, let me know that you don’t satisfy my criteria… just don’t be surprised when I say “Thanks, but no thanks.”

    • Starita34

      I personally don't have the energy to entertain more than one person at time, nor do I care to.

      The problem is that a lot of people confuse not wanting to deal with their situation with not being able to handle the truth. By all means, let me know that you don't satisfy my criteria… just don't be surprised when I say "Thanks, but no thanks."

      Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss!

  • King Jordan

    i don't know if i can be that dude to tell women to 'date like men'…

    but i think a reasonable course of action would be to date others, in the attempt of finding somenone that you are most compatible with…have the best bond with…

    and leaving sex out of the dating process (probably until marriage, but i dig it, not everyone can do that) is probably the best course of action. i know that the different genders by and large don't see sex in the same light, and it's probably best to defer going through with that.

    • SweetMack52

      Thanks for the Oprah moment Jordan! The next date I go on I'm not gonna smash. I just hope the person is not like the last date I had who called me up and left me a nasty phone message because I didn't try to kiss her, let alone (is that a word? let alone) smash.

  • sensesocommon

    Aside from all questions asked, I just want to focus on the "honesty". Without it, you are doomed whether you are dating (to find a suitable companion) or already in a commited relationship. Practice makes perfect, and I feel that you are setting yourself up for failure if you are witholding information that could be vital in the near future.

    I know back in my day *insert cocky mode here* I guess you can say "I dated like men", all they needed to know was that they were not the only one. And that was all they needed to know!! Did some have questions because they were falling for me? Yes! Did I answer? To a degree, but I knew what I wanted and what I didn't want. And half the time I didn't want them. Dating, THEN, was a past time.

    Being as though I'm bi- and had to make sacrifices when finally settling down and commiting (6 years now) I had to be upfront about my preferences, and adjust accordingly to what I wanted verses what I needed. My truths were told in the beginning and HE seems not to have any complaints ;) Now that's the glory of honesty. Can I handle the truth? YES!!

  • krystllyght

    I think it can work….if you can handle it. You should be honest with everyone but for the most part, I think the person you need to be honest with in this situation is yourself. You have to understand for yourself why you made the decision to date this way. When I've come across this situation in other women, it's because they pretty much gave up on the idea of marriage or love and are simply just having fun. For instance, one friend of mine was seeing three guys. They were all MUCH younger than her and she only had s*x with them. She said she'd like to be married but she knew it wasn't in the cards for her. She'd had two fiances in life and both had died horrific deaths. She thought this meant she wasn't supposed to be married and she said she couldn't handle anything like that happening again. Soooooo…. long story short, she decided not to get heavily involved with anybody and to just "do" three dudes. They all know about each other too. Somehow she makes it work.

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    1) Should women date more like men, entertaining multiple suitors at a time or should men date more like women, focusing their attention on one woman at a time before moving on to the next?

    Women should date more like men, in the sense of defining dating as getting to know someone. I wouldn't recommend women (nor men) sleeping with a gang of people simultaneously, but if you're looking to settle down, you should be dating multiple people to find out who would be the best match for you.

    2) Is there any right, wrong, or better approach for men/women?

    No.

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      So dating is just getting to know someone?

      I always thought it was code for s*x with no strings attached. I would rather get to know a person as a friend because that way I'm not in a relationship and I don't have to feel the pressure of his physical needs prior to my willingness to fufill them. Which is hard for me. I associate the physical with marriage. I don't like feeling subjected to a man who isn't committed to my needs. I don't want my emotional comfort zone being intruded on so that I can be subjected…all under the guise of dating. "Dating" just seems like an intricate mind game. *stamps AVOID on men who date*

      • Uncle Hugh, BP

        "So dating is just getting to know someone?"

        Yes.

        "I always thought it was code for s*x with no strings attached."

        Not necessarily. A woman's can decide to have $ex or not have $ex with whomever she wants while she's dating.

        "I associate the physical with marriage. I don't like feeling subjected to a man who isn't committed to my needs."

        Nothing wrong with that.

        ""Dating" just seems like an intricate mind game."

        Yes, it is. And that's regardless if you're having $ex or not.

        • Alakaii Hawaii

          Well, reading what Slim and WIM said downthread…

          When a man dates (no s*x) it's just so he can get to know women and decide who he wants to be in a relationship with; the relationship is building a life together because at this age it's likely marriage is the serious consideration. But then I don't have s*x in relationships. Or I haven't up unil this point in my life. But that made my face feel hot so I'm gonna assume it's different at my age. So then maybe that means I should date only certain men and our relationship can be inclusive of the physical. But then how do you know how men feel about it? Is it weird to ask?

          Alakaii: Are you going to have s*x with me if we date and if we're in a relationship are you going to invest in a marriage to me? Random dude I type casted: …..uh. Hi? Good afternoon? How's the weather??

        • Alakaii Hawaii

          This is kinda fun. Before I try this I'm not like starting anything serious right? Like that's not WAY flirtatious or anything? What happens if I was that straight forward? What exactly would that initiate from a man's perspective?

        • Uncle Hugh, BP

          If you've made the decision to not have $ex until marriage, that's a decision that you'll have to tell someone as you're dating (honesty and all that). They can choose to respect it or keep it moving.

          How you address it? Be straight-forward about it. On the second or third date, the topic of $ex is likely to casually come up. You can say, "I'm really not looking to be physical with anyone. It's something I'd like to wait for a commitment/marriage before doing." Again, honesty. If they don't want to wait, that's cool, there are plenty of women that are giving it up. That woman doesn't have to be you. You save yourself a lot of drama, and the guy can move on and find what he wants from someone else. You both can get what you want, it just won't be with each other.

        • Oh ok…

          Exactly!
          *Fist Bumps* Uncle Hugh :-)

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    3) Is honesty the best course of action?

    In general, yes.

    3) Should you inform your partner how many people you’re dating, when you’re dating them, and why you’ve chosen to date them or is ignorance bliss?

    All they need to know is you're just dating, and at the time, the two of you aren't exclusive, but could be.

    4) The most important question of all: Can you handle the truth?

    Sure. That doesn't mean I won't be pissed, but I can handle it.

    • Smilez_920

      I agree with both of your comments. The only thing with ” we could be exculsive” is a lot of women take that as a ” we will be exclusive in the future” kind of like the whole ” I’m not looking for a relationships right now thing” so if you defentily see no type of relationship potential in her just dating and a good time then spell it out. Because ” could be exclusive” will have some of these crazy chicks scratching up your car writing ” we could have been” in red lipstick on your windshield.

      Also ladies when a dude hits you with the “maybe or could be” you def should keep your options open until further notice.

      • Uncle Hugh, BP

        Smilez_920: "The only thing with " we could be exculsive" is a lot of women take that as a " we will be exclusive in the future" kind of like the whole " I'm not looking for a relationships right now thing"…"

        I meant that is what women should say to men. I agree with you 100%, keep it honest. I believe a woman should date several guys, and let them know they are in competition. If a dude really cares and could see himself with you, he'll do a little extra. The ones that don't and are casually dating you know you have options. They may still try to hit (and I suppose you could give it up if you really just want to jump his bones), but as long as you aren't giving it up to anyone until you have a commitment, you can save yourself from a lot of heartache.

        It's no different than job hunting, buying a car or looking for a house. You know what you like and what is potentially compatible, so you have several options. Then you start weaning them down until you get to your best available option.

  • krystllyght

    That last pic is hilarious!

    • ooh ok…

      I hit thumbs down by accident…my bad ( ._.)
      thumbs up x1000

  • Summer

    1&2) I don’t think that men should date like women or women shod date likeness, whatever that is. I think everything should be on a case by case basis. Not everyone wants a gaggle of women and not every woman is interested in settling down.

    3) Honesty is absolutely necessary for your own safety when dating in numbers, just like protected sex with all parties involved, and getting tested. How honest you should be real does depend on the comfort of the other person. I believe that telling ALL parties they aren’t the only one is important. Everyone should be on the same page, if just to cover your back later. They should know for safety reasons of you’re intimate with other people. Names, ages, genders, races, pet names, feelings, things you do with them, how often you see them… None of their business and should remain so. It won’t end well telling someone everything. Hell, do YOU want THEM to tell you everything?! Nope. Pass.

    And 4) Yes. I don’t want too much of the truth. In fact, keep it as minimalistic as possible. Example: “I am seeing other people.” I’ve gotten your point and from here I can decide if I want to stay and see if you choose just me, stay and see other people, or leave and find someone who’s dating style matches what I’m looking for.

    I personally prefer to date more than one person at a time because I don’t want to settle down yet and I don’t want anyone person feeling like it’s heading somewhere it’s not. One thing that wasn’t asked but people need to be cognizant of (outside of the honesty issue) is making sure your actions are congruent with your words. If you’re telling someone you’re seeing other people/don’t want to settle down but you behave towards them as if you are in a [monogamous] relationship they will be confused. People go into these things with expectations that they can chane the person’s mid and make them settle down/fall in love. Not being aware of your behavior and how it affects their feelings or even dating someone who openly has these views is unfair to you and them.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      One thing that wasn't asked but people need to be cognizant of (outside of the honesty issue) is making sure your actions are congruent with your words. If you're telling someone you're seeing other people/don't want to settle down but you behave towards them as if you are in a [monogamous] relationship they will be confused.

      That's a huge grey area. If I say I don't want a relationship right now, you should definitely only take heed to my words, even if you are the only woman I'm seeing, unless my words change to "I do want a relationship with you." I, and likely most men, wouldn't say something we don't mean. I just think you'll be setting yourself up for failure and disappointment if you ignore what you don't want and see/hear what you do want. Then again, open communication is a far easier method rather than assuming. If you think actions/words aren't aligning, you should seek clarification from that man/woman. Drawing your own conclusions in a vaccuum is a strategy I've seen end horribly more often than not.

      • http://twitter.com/Ishtar_79 @Ishtar_79

        "If I say I don't want a relationship right now, you should definitely only take heed to my words, even if you are the only woman I'm seeing"

        This is exactly why I've learned to modify my behavior when I hear those words. We can go to dinner, drinks, movies and outings, but things I associate with a relationship like spending the night at each others houses, vacations, and changing my schedule to meet his needs are no gos. I'll make time if my schedule is free AND I feel like getting off my loveseat no matter how much I enjoy his company. I'm not investing in anything beyond a friendship level with a guy who has made it verbally clear he is not interested in a relationship with me.

  • Dr. J

    I don't know if anybody should have a gang of options. I think that is a trouble point for most men, they have too many options. Should just have a handful instead of a stable. It would make decisions easier to make. Now for women, they can do that too. I just don't think it's right to be sleeping with all of them. All in all, everybody has to do what's right for them. If you're a woman and you don't feel comfortable dating a gang of men, you don't have to and shouldn't. I think that's one thing that falls short with articles like that one posted. It's like a suggestion but at the same time, you have to be true to what you can really handle.

  • Itsnottoohard

    I do agree that women shouldn't put all of their eggs in one basket. But I think that women wouldn't be as likely to put all of their eggs in one basket if men were more honest and stopped telling us what they think we want to hear.

    However, I also believe that dating around hinders men from making a commitment. One of my guy friends is dating four women who each meet one of his needs. One girl holds stimulating conversation, another has an amazing body, another one is very funny and the other is just a freak. All of these women combined create his dream woman that he is holding out for and unlikely to ever find.

    • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      *whispers* a lot of men want you to put your eggs in their basket while they keep their options open.

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      ….or really from appreciating the perfect woman when he finds her. Even though I think a guy naturally adjusts himself for a woman he deems worthy — I'll give them that. I'm just saying since he's accustomed to all these different females fufilling his needs and varying degrees of doing it well, he feels entitled to a woman and doesn't appreciate the quality of a woman who does it all and does it all well. He feels entitled to her. So no. I'm not putting my eggs in your basket; you're not salting my eggs either. You can get to know me as my friend and lets see how well you court me.

      • Alakaii Hawaii

        …..which isn't gonna work. But it sounds good. Invest in our future and you'll get my goods.

  • Ms. Smart

    'Insert SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT storyline here. The end.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      Keep hearing about this movie… I haven't seen it.

      • Mr. SD

        Seen it when I was 13..watched it for the sex scenes only..lol I need to see it as an adult and get an idea about the flick as a whole

      • Bree

        WIS She's Gotta Have It is a must see if you like at least some Spike Lee joints.
        Google Tracy Camilla Johns and that will motivate you to see it…..lol

  • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

    I think women should use the power of the p*ssy to their benefit. Keep it locked up, give it away, dress it up and play coy, cover it up and freak em down. Whatever gets you that thing you want. You have it, they want it. It belongs to you.

    I think having more than one man interested is an absolute necessity. Because focusing too hard on one man gives him all the power and powerless women lose every time. Even after you commit, you need a few orbiters. Whether you have sex withthem is up to you. People saying you shouldnt dont know you. They have no idea what the result would be if you decided to sex them all. Personally, i have a high libido and I like variety, so its good for me. But not all men can handle knowing, so i just give them the minimal facts.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    I think that single people should act single unless another agreement is made. No assumptions. If you have not discussed monogamy of any kind, see who you want, when you want. You owe no explanations…thats all the truth you need.

    I think options are good while in the dating phase. However, I've been told I'm a HORRIBLE dater, lol. I just like what I like so I end up zeroing in on the guy I'm feeling the most. Lucky for me, with the exception of once, the one I really liked was choosing me as well…so its worked out. I do think it took me A LOT longer to find a personality that really works for me though. I pretty much kept dating the same type of guys…too many tauruses, lol…

  • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

    First thing, dating multiple men is NOT "dating like a man". It is DATING. That "date like a man" thing is just another double-standard. There is a clear difference between dating, seeing someone exclusively, and being in a relationship (aka 'girl' or 'boy' friend). The only thing you are doing in the 'dating' process is discovering different personalities to see which is a god fit. Do you wait 1-2 months in between job interviews to 'explore potential'? O_o

    Listen, I am single until you have "THE" conversation with me. Until then, what I do with my time is my business. You only need to know what you ask me about, and when I answer your question I expect you to take it like a grown person. What does it even matter if I'm enjoying other people's company? If it matters to you, then ask for exclusivity. But I have no intentions of being a slave to 'your' ego, preconceived notions or double-standards. And I certanly don't have time to individually give out months and months to dead-ends. Miss. Me.

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      What she said.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      First thing, dating multiple men is NOT "dating like a man". It is DATING.

      Good point.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      *read your comment* *re-read mine*

      LOL! We are >>>>>HERE<<<<<<

      Assumptions ruin lives every.day. lol..smh

      • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

        YAAASSS!! **Mo'Nique shuffles down the stairs***

    • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      +1000

    • Larry

      Yup, pretty much. +1

    • GirlSixx

      Dammit I'm all late and ish but

      THIS. COMMENT. RIGHT. HERE….

      Booyah!!!

  • Adonis

    You know, whoever came up with that title to catch my eye, is a winner… Fin

    As long as (financial & emotional) commitment & kids are not involved… Dating lives are a moot point & who cares. Do as thou wilt.

    If you can't tell your partner (who is in the running for spousehood) the WHOLE truth about your s*xual & dating past… Then there is a problem.

    Yes that benefits men more than it benefits women.

  • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

    Great write.

    My personal philosophy is to not "date" anyone I'm not seriously interested in. And with that being the case, I want to know if they're out there freeing willies so I can invest my time elsewhere.

    I've tried talking (chatting, meeting up, etc.) to multiple women in the past, and I didn't share the news that I was seeing other people until I was serious about one. Our seeing of each other(s) was light, so I didn't feel any particular obligation until I was ready to enter negotiations.lol.

    Juggling women was difficult and it takes a certain type of person to be out on dates with different people throughout the week or on weekends. Seemed weird to be out with one, while thinking about meeting up with anoter.
    My recent post Give Me Free: The Motivation Behind My Lifestyle Change

    • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

      another* Too lazy to go into the system and edit that comment.
      My recent post Give Me Free: The Motivation Behind My Lifestyle Change

      • Bree

        "My personal philosophy is to not "date" anyone I'm not seriously interested in." Damn Damn Damn Damn…….why can't all men think like this!
        The dating world would be a better place and we would all coexist much more peacefully…….*sighs whimsically* If only………..

    • cynicaloptmst81

      "Seemed weird to be out with one, while thinking about meeting up with another."

      That line right there is why I've been told my dating methods are horrible. I can't keep it together enough to act interested in the one(s) I'm not the most interested in.

    • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      You want to know if they are freeing willies so you can invest your time elsewhere, but you dont see the need to tell her you are seeing other people until you wanna make her the one. After shes invested her time? Wait. Did i miss something?

    • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

      I'm noting the quotation marks on "date" which would lead me to believe you are inferring to a more serious connection than I am.
      When I say 'date', I am reffering to the "get to know you" stage, in which honestly, no one should be thinking in relationship terms, or even in intimacy terms. I can 'get to know' several people, because at that point, I'm just trying to figure out if ya crazy or not. I don't think it is difficult to entertain several people at that stage, because to me, it's like hanging out with friends. Once it gets to a more 'serious dating', then yeah, juggling can be…difficult.
      And, just a thought-if you are out with one while thinking about meeting up with another…I don't think it's gonna work out with that person, lol.

      • Bree

        Some say that it can be difficult to focus and truly get to know more than one person at a time. I believe there is some truth to this.
        I think the main difference with regards to the way in which men and women date; and how more men are prone to "serial dating" as opposed to women is what we want and don't want.
        jmo but I based on what I've heard guys say, many of them date just to date. There are no big expectations of a possible future and children with the woman. Not all men of course but some men. Even men who date and have a desire to marry and have children and who are over 30 or even over 35 do not look at almost every woman they go out with as a potential wife and mother of their child.

        • Bree

          Women tend to almost immediately put a man in the "potential husband/baby daddy" category if they are feeling him and he got it going on. They also have expectations of that man as a potential husband and father. Most women date with the intention of marrying and securing a future with a man.
          I think this largely contributes to the way in which men and women date.
          I did a little experiment when I was various dating sites. One of the questions in the profile is the type of relationship your seeking.
          Question – Are you seeking someone for:
          1. Casual dating – up to 3 mnths
          2. long-term relationship – 6 mnths or more
          3. marriage – Permanent
          4. Just for fun fwb type of relationship – day by day.
          Most men had numbers 1, and 4 on their profiles, and most women had 2 and 3 on theirs.

        • Uncle Hugh, BP

          "Most women date with the intention of marrying and securing a future with a man."

          I don't know. I know plenty of women who are just with someone because they don't want to be alone.

        • Bree

          Hugh……Nobody wants to be alone. Most everybody wants companionship in some form or fashion. We were not created to live in this world alone.
          However, I think more men date casually with no real intentions or expectations, and more women date more seriously with intentions and expectations. Hence why I think more men tend to date multiple women, as opposed to more women dating multiple men.

      • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

        The quotes for me were for light fun in the sun and not undercovers.

        WIM made some good points down thread. I think he captured the essence of how a lot of men think on this.
        My recent post Give Me Free: The Motivation Behind My Lifestyle Change

      • Naija

        "When I say 'date', I am reffering to the "get to know you" stage, in which honestly, no one should be thinking in relationship terms, or even in intimacy terms."

        We're going to have to disagree. I date with the purpose of finding a relationship partner, so it's inevitable that I will be thinking in relationship terms. It's part of the vetting process.

        • Maris

          I mean, if you really want to be technical so do I. Here's the issue:

          Dating multiple people, for me, is essential due to the sheer numbers of dead ends I encounter. Say I date 5 dudes in a month. By date 2, I have let the cat out of the bag that I am not a casual chexer. By end of month one, probably only one guy is left.
          When I first found myself ready to date again, I gave one dude a chance, because I am not the 'multiple dating' type, right? Well, two months later dude checks out when he realizes he can't convince me to change my casual chex stance, and I am left w' hurt feelings, a bruised ego, and a TON of nights I spent alone & men I turned down waiting for his ass to call & take me out. Fast forward to today:

        • Maris

          You don't like 'talking on the phone'? Don't worry, I'm talking to someone. You don't call for two weeks? I may not notice. You think dutch is cool on the first date? Don't worry, SOMEone's paying. You don't feel like "waiting"/ Someone will. I'm just not going to miss out on them as I wait for YOU to figure it out. You have to prove yourself that important now. You have a problem with it? Find someone else. This one's not crying for ya.
          I'm not a player. I'm a woman worthy of some damn EFFORT. And I will keep dating untill someone comes around that wants to put some forth :-)

        • Peter Parker

          Checkmate! I wish more women had this idea and philosophy.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      I was gonna remain quiet but sometimes you have to take one for the team. So I'll speak for the brothers that aren't commenting but I know read lol

      Short answer: I date between relationships, which means I will inevitably entertain some women I'm more or less interested in than others. I get into relationships with women I want to build a future with, which at this age would mean I'm likely considering marrying her.

      Long answer: My personal philosophy is to not "date" anyone I'm not seriously interested in. Maybe I've misunderstood what you define as dating BUT I have (and will, again if need be) "date" someone I'm not seriously interested. For starters, I need to date them unless they're ugly and I KNOW I'm not interested to see if I'm interested. I generally know what I want fairly early on and I'll tell if asked. Otherwise, you'll just get the blanket 'I'm not looking for anything serious' disclaimer even though I'm always looking for something serious.

      To J's point below, I'm too old to date whole boatloads of women for the sake of being with a woman. However, if I meet a woman I like, who seems cool, and I enjoy spending time with, we can "date" all day and night – whatever that entails. The only problem is if I meet someone whom I can see something serious with she has to know she will get dropped with the quickness after a proper two week notification. In fairness, she is free to do the same to me if she meets "the one" to build a home with while we've been doing nothing but playing house. In my opinion, that's just the risk you take when neither party has a ring on it.

      • Larry

        Thank you sir, I couldn't of wrote it better myself, lol. Cosign x 100

  • Bree

    Should women date more like men, entertaining multiple suitors at a time or should men date more like women, focusing their attention on one woman at a time before moving on to the next? People should date however they wanna date and do whatever works best for them. There is no clear cut "cookie-cutter" way to date. As long as everybody is completely honest and knows where they stand, then that is the most impnt thing. One problem I foresee with women dating multiple men is that it will be assumed that she is sleeping with them, and unlike a man, she will be labeled a "hoe." She will be looked at funny by men who know she is dating other men and to many men it will be a huge turnoff.

  • http://twitter.com/Ishtar_79 @Ishtar_79

    1) Should women date more like men, entertaining multiple suitors at a time or should men date more like women, focusing their attention on one woman at a time before moving on to the next?
    Date as many people has you can handle.
    2) Is there any right, wrong, or better approach for men/women?
    Nope. It's all about what works for the individual.
    3) Is honesty the best course of action? Should you inform your partner how many people you’re dating, when you’re dating them, and why you’ve chosen to date them or is ignorance bliss?
    Only thing that needs to be communicated is that things are not exclusive. How many and when is none of their business.
    4) The most important question of all: Can you handle the truth?
    As always, it depends on how the truth is delivered.

  • bellatrice1

    I agree that dating is just dating. Here's where the difficulty comes in. Women usually wait to be approached. I've concluded that I meet a guy I really like only once a year, sadly. Therefore, I usually focus all my attention on the guy I like the most even if there are stragglers that want to date me as well. Where a woman is only being approached a small number of times, guys are doing the approaching, so having options (if they're a good catch) or dating multiple women comes easy for them.

    I believe in dating more than one guy at a time or AT LEAST talking to or having more than one guy trying to get it. Mainly, it boosts your confidence, it occupies your time, and it gives YOU options. Nobody wants to feel like they're not a priority when they've made the other person a priority.

    Lastly, to the women who say they don't want to date multiple men at a time…"you're telling me, if you were seeing a guy you think is wonderful, yall are not exclusive and a guy who is equally or more wonderful comes along, you won't entertain both of them? You would drop the wonderful guy you've been dating just to see if the new guy is as wonderful as he seems?? I highly doubt it.

    The problem for most women is there's usually only 1 Mr. Wonderful in the picture at any given time, and the rest come in a distant 3rd, so it's hard not to want to only spend time with Mr. Wonderful.
    My recent post 10 Ignorant Things People Say and Do

    • Bree

      bellatrice1 I personally don't see anything wrong with "casually" dating more than one man at a time. However, I think it's more widely accepted and expected from men. The double standard makes it a hard pill for most guys to swallow, especially if the man really likes you. Most men who are really feeling a woman will balk at her dating other men. Most guys I've dated have had a hard time dealing with me having male platonic friends, I can only imagine how they would react to me dating other men I'm romantically interested in besides them.

      • bellatrice1

        If a guy doesn't want you dating other men, then he needs to ask for exclusivity. I could care less what some guy thinks about me dating other men if we're not exclusive and he is dating other women. The older I get, the less I care about what other people think and whether I'm letting the dude across from me at the dinner table get it. Most likely, he's not.

        Also, an ex of mine actually knew I was dating someone else and personally, he pursued me even harder because of it. I've never had a man balk at the idea of me dating other men, and if they did without my knowledge, what I didn't know didn't hurt me :-)
        My recent post 10 Ignorant Things People Say and Do

  • Starita34

    AND Naturally, people tend to be biased in favour of the approach that they employ.

    go 'head and say that!

    • Naija

      Haha. *hits repeat button*

  • Starita34

    http://bit.ly/NGTScx
    Just imagine if the inverse were requested….if men were told to date like women…

    Of course if we were all the same it will be easier, buuuuut we're not the same sooo….

  • http://blackgirlmd.wordpress.com blackgirlmd

    I always thought it was a given that both parties were exercising their right to date other ppl until you decided to become exclusive. I didn't know we needed to have a conversation about the issue, we're single until we decide to not be single. However if someone asked me about it explicitly, I would probably tell him that yes I'm dating other ppl and that's it. He doesn't need to know the details.

    I don't think dating multiple ppl at one time is for everybody, but that's how I prefer to do things.

  • bree

    I think how folks define "dating" varies………and this is where the drama begins.

  • jwoodny

    "if we are not in a committed relationship then our time is our time and your time is your time." <— pretty much how I look at dating

    1) Should women date more like men, entertaining multiple suitors at a time or should men date more like women, focusing their attention on one woman at a time before moving on to the next? Men are always hunting. We'll dabble in this, snack of that. But we're never going to be full unless we find what we're craving. Women usually sit back waiting to get chose, then they decide whether they wanna follow or stay put. I think women should be more proactive and get their dabble on. No guy is going to have every single quality you want for a boyfriend, so why not date multiple guys until you find 1 that has enough of the qualities that you don't care what he lacks?

    2) Is there any right, wrong, or better approach for men/women? I guess the wrong approach is don't spread yourself too thin or come up with too elaborate of lies as to why you haven't had "that" talk yet. Don't do too much, too soon.

    3) Is honesty the best course of action? Should you inform your partner how many people you’re dating, when you’re dating them, and why you’ve chosen to date them or is ignorance bliss? I would never ask a woman if she's dating other dudes and how many. Because I just don't care. If I really like her, I'm going to focus on doing what I can to make myself the last 1 standing. If she asked me, I'd be honest to the extent of telling her she's not the only 1.

    4) The most important question of all: Can you handle the truth? I was in a situation where a woman I really liked told me I was a category guy. It hurt to hear, but I respected her honesty and backed off. At this point in my life though, I'd prefer a woman to tell me if her interest in me is even worth me waiting it out. Because if not, I'll ease my way out the paint and wish her well.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      "…a woman I really liked told me I was a category guy."

      What does that even mean? lol

      • jwoodny

        For her, she had category guys – 1 for movie dates, 1 for sporting events, 1 for church/Christian events, etc. I didn't mind it 1st because I wasn't looking for anything major, but when feelings changed and she told me that, I was close to #vernondavistears

  • Bree

    I think your number one priority no matter what should be YOU. If you have a pretty fulfilling life, hobbies, interests and friends (male and female) and family then you shouldn't be worried about whomever your dating boosting your confidence and occupying your time. Other men shouldn't necessarily be other options, other things in your life can serve as other options.
    If I was dating someone and they had a fairly busy schedule and/or life, and they didn't make enough time for me I would have other things to do and other people to hang out with besides them.
    Plus the fact that if a person is not spending a good amnt of time with you that can be a strong indication that they really aren't that into you, or a serious time consuming relationship is not a priority for them.
    No matter how busy your schedule and lifestyle is, you always Make time for the things and people that you want to.

  • http://www.katwebbmusic.com KitKatCuty84

    When we first started dating, I told my current bf he could continue to date however many women he wanted, but if he wanted to get sexually active with me, I would have to be the only one. I said I'm not pressuring him and if he just wants to be cool, then I'm cool, but if he's feeling me and wants more, then I'm a one-at-a-time type woman. Six months later, we're still together.

    BUT, this all came after years of saying casual sex/dating wasn't for me, then dabbling in it substantially for about a year and a half, getting my heart broken more than a few times because, SURPRISE, casual sex/dating really ISN'T for me, and then deciding that whatever else anyone else did, I would do what worked for ME. So, if you're into that and can handle all that, I guess go for it. I really am not built for that, and would prefer not to be a part of that. And I don't think it's a good idea whether you're a man or woman, but that's just an opinion, and not a fact.

    • Oh ok…

      I still don’t understand why ladies gotta give the man their seeing dating options.
      Just be real w/ him. IMO
      Maybe that’s just “the game” **shrugs**

  • http://www.aworknprogress.com Diana

    Dating as in being courted, wooed, taken and twirled out in the world by potential suitors? Yes. #YOLO and all that jazz. Plus you need fun stories to tell while you in the nursing home. Sleeping with all of them because they take you out? No. I don't even like to date and I don't have ulterior motives like let me see how many dudes I can get to take me out so I don't have to cook for the week, but I'm not opposed to having multiple suitors and seeing who rises to the top.
    My recent post Past and Present Tense

  • msb616

    I'm 31 and got too much goin on to be dating multiple guys. This dating thing is like the strategy i use in buying shoes. 9 times out of 10 I know exactly what Im looking for once I get to DSW. I browse the isles, take a mental note of anything cute and of prices. If in my browsing I come across a pair that stands out, I'll try it on. I can only try on 1 pair of shoes at a time. If i start walking and my feet are killing me already, i simply put the shoes back on the shelf and continue looking for the shoe i came for while remaining open to the other pairs on the isle.

    I wear a size 11 and would never purchase a pair of size 6s no matter how cute the shoe is or might look on me (read: i dont do married men, multiple sexual partners isnt my style, and i'm good with passive aggressive–i try and date adults who can have open and honest conversation). I can take honesty..what i can't take are guys wasting my time *shrug*

    • kalistetics

      I like your shoe analogy! I had a similar one in college…heels vs boots (heauxs vs wifeys)

  • SweetMack52

    Testing testing 123

  • http://www.since84.wordpress.com That One Girl

    it has taken us entirely too long to understand the opposite sex. instead of reading books about how to communicate and properly fondle one another, i would much rather god intervene and give us a new gender to play with. i hope this answers 1,2,3&4.
    My recent post Is Erykah Badu Really Out Her Mind, Just in Time?