Men Are Not Perfect Vol 1: Are Men Less Moral than Women?

  • Share on Tumblr

the perfect man

As some of you saw last week, I had an interesting discussion in the comment section of Dr. J’s post, Are Male Bloggers Helping or Hurting Women? While you can read that particular thread for yourself, the main take away for me was a challenge to better outline how men’s actions contribute to the failure of relationships. In the words of How I Met Your Mother’s Barney Stinson, “Challenge accepted!”

In all seriousness, I plan to spend this series of posts focusing on how men’s actions affect relationships. I will base this on my own personal failures, those of my friends and family, and write-ups from a variety of sources on the subject (I welcome suggested readings). But, before I get too deep into the series I must first explain how men’s minds work.

Half the problem is men want women to think (or act) like men and women want men to think (but not act) like women. This is never going to happen. At best, we can attempt to better understand why men and women act so differently in the face of the exact same circumstances. This brings me to the first topic in the series.

Are Men Less Moral than Women?

Last week, the Huffington Post released an article called Are Men Less Moral Than Women? Studies Show Ethical Standards. The article had absolutely nothing to do with relationships but it did a good job explaining how men think, act, and approach life. I believe a number of these practices carry over into our interactions with women and, as the article notes, since women think and behave differently, some of men’s actions can be detrimental to women. For example:

A number of studies demonstrate that men have lower moral standards than women, at least in competitive contexts. For example, men are more likely than women to minimize the consequences of moral misconduct, to adopt ethically questionable tactics in strategic endeavors, and to engage in greater deceit. This pattern is particularly pronounced in arenas in which success has (at least historically) been viewed as a sign of male vigor and competence, and where loss signifies weakness, impotence, or cowardice (e.g., a business negotiation or a chess match). When men must use strategy or cunning to prove or defend their masculinity, they are willing to compromise moral standards to assert dominance.

In fairness, the study went on to suggest that men are not less ethical because they were born a man. They are less ethical because cultural factors, especially in America, stress that men be seen as dominant. In turn, men relate dominance to their masculinity. Since women do not face this same pressure in our society, they react differently. In other words, men act differently because they want to be seen as masculine by their peers and women not because of genetics. If gender roles were reversed, it is likely women would behave the same way as a means of survival.

It is possible that women may demonstrate similar vulnerabilities to their moral standards when faced with dilemmas that challenge their feminine competency or identity, or in arenas were women are (stereotypically) expected to be successful (e.g., skill as a mother, navigating social interactions, effectiveness as a writer).

So how does this relate to relationships? The reason many bloggers direct their posts towards women, self-included, is because in all honesty I believe many of us have more faith that women will change for the better before men. I have seen a man change for one woman. I have seen one woman change for multiple men. This is fine. They are different strategies employed to accomplish similar goals – finding love.

As men, we know men knowingly pursue their own selfish pursuits. The Huffington Post article plainly states, “Men found it more acceptable to deceive if they believed that successful negotiating was an indicator of male prowess.” It expands on this idea in the following paragraph:

Men’s moral judgments varied in such a way as to maximize their own advantage in each negotiation process; when necessary for personal gain, ethical missteps were acceptable. By contrast, women made similar ethical judgments across all perspectives. Even when the ethical choice was clearly detrimental to personal success, women maintained their ethical standards.

I want to note here that you’ll notice this mirrors a theme often seen in the comment section here and abroad. Women believe (and I’m not saying they’re wrong) men should act ethically towards all they interact with regardless of the actions of the other person, which is in many cases a woman. Conversely, men often state they will only do “what a woman allows them to get away with.” The study above highlights this difference in thinking. Men adapted to the party they’re interacting with and adjusted to improve their likelihood for success. On the other hand, women maintained their ethical standard “even when the ethical choice was clearly detrimental to personal success.”

I agree with women. Men should change. Where I continue to have my doubts is if men will change. However, the exact same reasons men don’t change is somewhat related to how women interact with men. Some men outright lie and I offer no excuse for their deceit. However, some men don’t have to lie to get what they want, but what these men do is habitually and strategically withhold critical information. As this study shows, they don’t only do this with women. This is how many men approach life, but women catch the brunt of it by dealing with men socially and romantically.

Still, this is where men repeatedly fail women. Men tell women what we think they want to hear because we know if we told them what they needed to hear, then we might not get what we want from them (for the record, this isn’t always sex). For example, an often used reference around here is the man’s relationship trump card, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship.” This is a half-truth. I’ve met very few men who weren’t at least keeping an eye out for a serious relationship if the right woman came along. The true phrase should read, “I’m not looking for a serious relationship with you.” I’ll tell you why men tell this half-truth.

The Follow-up Question

Besides the strategy behind stringing a woman along with the possibility of commitment dangling in the unforeseeable future, the real reason men don’t tell the whole truth is they’re afraid of the follow-up question(s). Over time, men learn that telling the truth to most women results in more questions. It’s rare, if ever, a woman says “Ok,” and goes on about her day. One of the scariest questions a woman can ask a man is, “Why?” Men will chew threw their own shoulder blade to avoid having to explain themselves to a woman. This isn’t always because we’re liars. Sometimes it’s because WE HAVE NO IDEA WHY. What we do know is that we don’t want to even attempt to explain ourselves.

In closing, the simple solution is for men to start telling the whole truth and nothing but the truth and letting the chips fall where they fall. There are men out there like this; women might know them by their scientific name, “Assholes Maximuses.” Say what you want about them, but I bet it’s hard to remember the last time an asshole lied to you.

The more complicated solution involves a concession from women that I haven’t seen many women willing to make. You might have to sacrifice closure for the sake of finding out the truth. I believe men are willing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth as long as they don’t have to explain themselves. If you can narrow what you want to know down to “yes/no” questions, without requiring follow-up explanations, I believe men will tell the truth. This will leave you with an answer, but you will not have a reason. Is this unreasonable or should the responsibility of the direction of the relationship fall squarely on the man?

As I progress through this series, I welcome questions, comments and feedback. My questions for today include:

Fellas, what are your thoughts on the study? Do you agree with the findings on how men approach life? If yes, does this strategy apply to relationships as well? What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what actions of women do you think hinder some of those changes?

Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions? Using the example noted above: would you need to know why he can’t be with you or only that he can’t be with you? What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men?

Editor’s Note: SBM has partnered with MadameNoire.com to provide our perspectives as black males on a variety of topics. You can check out my submissions to the series by clicking here.

  • Share on Tumblr

From Our Partners

  • ebs

    very thoughtful post

  • Smilez_920

    Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions?

    Depending on the situation; I wouldn’t need any justification. I’m learning how to not over analyze every situation. Something’s are better left unsaid and something’s have been said too many times to repeat.

    Using the example noted above: would you need to know why he can’t be with you or only that he can’t be with you?

    All I need to know is that he can’t (doesn’t) want to be with me. I value my time too much to ponder over why he does not want to be with me. As long as he made this clear in the beginning and didn’t lead me on for months or weeks then dropped the bomb, I wouldn’t worry about it.

    What changes do you think men should make independent of women

    Other than being honest, I would say being more considerate of how their actions/intentions effects others.

  • Smilez_920

    What actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men?
    I think women have to stop over analyzing and learn how to take certain things at face value. I think a lot of the time we get the truth from a man (through words or actions) and we don’t like what we hear/see so in our minds we adjust what he say’s/does to give us hope that a situation will work out.
    Like the example above. If I ask a guy if he is open to a serious relationship and he say’s “no I’m not looking for anything serious” do I really need that extra “with you” to get the point. It’s like if I ask a person “Hey do you have a piece of gum” and the person says “ No I don’t have any gum” do they have to say “ No, I don’t have a piece of gum FOR YOU” for me to know that they are directing their response to me and my question. I mean ladies sometimes we hold on to these little glimpse of hope that a man intentionally/or unintentionally gives us, even if deep down inside we know the deal. Then we invest ourselves fully even when we know that person is not given us 100 percent instead of just letting go.

    • omgitsjo

      I was going to try and say all of this and you said it better than I could, so have my +1s!

    • cynicaloptmst81

      Real talk, Smilez…this is good. Hard…but good.

  • Alakaii Hawaii

    Um. I read more articles in the archives but I didn't see anything wrong: I didn't see anything to indicate that men are lying, I didn't see anything to indicate any of the men associated with this website are sub par — different levels of being ON par and if I did a general scan I would spit out the conclusion that all men are inherently strong, good-natured and respectful of women. Caring. Involved. Attentive. I would also say…I don't think these posts are directed towards women you genuinely see yourselves settling down with. I don't think you're speaking to someone you genuinely and sincerely want as the mother of your children, the caretaker of your homes, the person you seek for wisdom and understanding. I think these posts are an attempt to develop women and explain a perpetual argument of how come you would not choose them to settle down with.

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      I'm formulating an opinion on men and it's something along the lines of they dominate weaker women as they grow up and mature because they can. It confuses me because the alleged immorality of men doesn't and has never applied to me or been applied to me. Men have made mistakes. They haven't treated me in a way I would deem them or all men immoral or liars or shady etc. etc. I just don't see the evidence of it being true — though I inherently feel fear of men because of other women convincing me that is exceptionally naive — which makes me defensive. My mind does not compute all men are immoral nor does it compute my experience with them has subjected me to immorality. It almost seems like women want to drag me beneath them so that I will grow into bitterness and spite and resentment. It feels like I'm being forced to accept a completely illogical lie. BUT.

      • Alakaii Hawaii

        I haven't quite formulated the full conclusion in my mind. Especially now that I'm of age and fully developed. I care that men think it takes the same behavior to dominate (me) a good, almost perfect woman who he DOES want as a life partner. This is a different level of manhood. Adapt to it because of (me) of the good woman you have infront of you. As opposed to trying to convince all women of what they're doing wrong, wouldn't you simply acknowledge what a woman you would settle down with is doing right? What if your dominance and masculinity hinged on how you care for your life partner? What then?

        *…secretely making a mental note of me posting that exact picture/quote on my profile not even three days ago…*

        • J. Crawford

          Some Men do dominate Because they Can and other aspects tops. I read your comments on the post cited within this one and my opinion from that is that SBM is kind the Alternate of EVERY article from Essence, Ebony, Sister to Sister, Cosmo, Madam Noire, and other Female-Leaning blogs and magazines that Don’t speak to what Most Women do Wrong. It’s almost Always about Men are Worthless or Ain’t Sh*t, Deadbeat Fathers, Cheaters, Non-Dating or Marriage Material, and basically what Women ASSUME they Should Do to Get a Man. I’ve seen W/O Fail whenever post like this, the previous one or other blogs like Very Smart Brothas says something to bring light on Women’s Flaws there is a Spin or a “I Know You Are but What Am I” comments to deflect. Some Ladies concur and Admit to being the Women described, but Very Few. There are some Non-Good Women out here just like Non-Good Men, yet it’s like it’s Taboo to call the m out on it

        • Alakaii Hawaii

          yeeeeah. I just don't see them that way. I actually feel spite and resentment towards women. Pure rage…bordering on hatred. Don't attempt to rope me into your pity party just because YOU failed to make good choices and decisions. A woman's lie makes me feral. They try to get me to live according to their unwillingness to maintain self-respect then it's like. Stop. Get off me. Don't speak to me. But men….perfect/almost perfect/good men…..ESPECIALLY if they're black, register to me in a primal sense. I pick up 'he's dominant…I prefer his signature of dominance….oooo he matches my signature of submission'. I reverence most men. I wish I could operate that way because it's my natural setting but WOMEN have made it shameful and embarrassing on a societal level. I feel pressure to adopt the 'he ain't isht, break him' stance. but it makes me horrendously insecure. I'm not going to pretend I respect most women. but I feel the neccessity to acknowledge men. That says something. and it's confusing.

        • Alakaii Hawaii

          lol. but I'm not going to make a life out of feeling that way. I sink into primal instinct when I get tired of thinking about stuff but no one else is in primal mode and I look weird lmao. I'm just tired. Dropping my stance. and not caring. It's ridiculous. it's you.

  • J. Crawford

    The Huffingto Post and this post is 100% Gospel. I read the report as well and it says a lot on the constant Contradictions, Exceptions, Hypocrisies, and Catch-22s that exist between Eyhics and Morals. Because we as Humans are born with Original Sin (regardless of Religious affiliation this is FACT) we blatantly expect Immaculate Mary-like behavior and mentality from Others and not Ourselves, which is the Very Top of Hypocrisy/Contradiction of Social Interaction on all levels.

    For us Men, we were Made to Cultivate, Provide, and Protect our Family and our Peers, yet at the same time understand in Limited Space and in the world, that there are Alphas, Subordinates and Grunt-Workers; Everybody can’t be Alphas & only Trusted Few can be Competent and Efficient Subordinates, while everybody else are Grunts. Men Compete, be it to Grow & Excel for Necessity and/or Pleasure of Competition, and Honor, Integrity and Morals go out the window when it comes to Necessity or Accumulating Power (Greed).

    Women gravitate towards Men who are Excelling and Grow, regardless of HOW it is done Deep Down to the Core, though SOME DO CARE about the Means to the Ends. Men Know and Understand that Deceception, Lies and Shortcuts are used for Them and their Families/Peers to Progress, thus the “ruthless” “dirty” “underhanded” and/or “irrational” acts are used. Men THINK in the manner and ACT on those Thoughts since the beginning of time and also because Women Weren’t really in the trenches or positions of power.

    Once Women started to get included and involved, it has been the long and constant Cold War of Equality, Inclusion, Assimilation, and Adaptation of the Genders, in Business, Relationships, and overall Social Interaction; Women “want” to be threated as Equals but Also want to be Though Of and Treated as Women, which is a Conflict of Interests in all honesty. Yes, Men have mostly gone about the Order and Procedures of how a Society functions solely by Masculine Mentalities, while Not Considering the Female Contributions and Feminine Cohesiveness that can Compliment and Balance. With that said, Ladies Haven’t come to Acknowledge or Admit to Their Flaws and/or Accountability to the Negativity to Society BECAUSE they either Want to Change the entire Function into a Feminine-Oriented system or Also want to Subjectively Lie, Deceive, and Ignore Ethics and Morals WHEN IT BENEFITS.

    Ultra-Feminists and Mild Feminists are Less Moral and Less Ethical than Stay At Home Mothers/Wives and their “Independent” Opposites , and based on how Western Society and Europe views Women, Low Morals and Ethics are frowned upon because it isn’t Lady-Like, whereas Men NEVER have to worry about Low or Lack of Ethics/Morals being a problem-except by Women and Men who aren’t Alphas or Subordinates. Be it Business or Relationships, the fact is that Men & Women KNOW the Truth and only a Few Women Accept and Also are Less Moral/Ethical similar to Men UNTIL they Aren’t, due to Emotions. This is why FWBs, Misstresses/Side Pieces/Jumpoffs Never are Content with their positions for long and Most Men Are. I realize this was very, very long but I was very intrigued by the report and had to bring it to Layman’s Comprehension and out from the Graduate School Thesis Format

    • Vee

      Why do you use so many capital letters? Also,

      "Because we as Humans are born with Original Sin (regardless of Religious affiliation this is FACT)"

      No, it's definitely not fact if you don't believe in God or the Bible. Original sin is a religious term. If your religion believes in it that is fine, but it doesn't make it fact.

  • tracyann

    Well it is a thoughtful post you have share and I think that all of the information you have shared are very true. Thanks for sharing it.
    My recent post singapore credit cards

  • Stanley

    I'm only reading. I believe I'll learn something.

  • Bree

    Damn this is deep. You really went into the deep dark recesses of your mind for this one Wis……very well put together.
    Will answer this later. Just want to say I'm feeling the new changes to the site. Like the colors and new format.
    Good Job…..*smile*

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    I’ve seen men change for one woman. I’ve seen women change for multiple men CHUUURCH…..Preach.

    Fellas, what are your thoughts on the study? Do you agree with the findings on how men approach life?

    I typically don’t pay attention to most studies because they are often skewed to grab headlines (re: overweight post last week) but I agree with this one. I think men are usually motivated by fear and a feet in their behind while women are motivated by judgement of others (sees this comment potentially backfiring)

    If yes, does this strategy apply to relationships as well?

    It does. In relationships a man does what he’s allowed. He remains faithful partly because he fears losing you (or notices how much Investigation Discovery you watch). Also a man needs to be pushed to be better, waiting for him to wake up and suddenly know better will leave you disappointed.

    What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what

    actions of women do you think hinder some of those changes?

    I think men should self reflect more on their own rather than waiting to hit rock bottom or close to it. One should always strive to improve and get better even if they are doing well currently. Women hinder changes by enabling. Of course he’s not going to work if you’re taking care of him, he’s not gonna marry you if you’ve already been playing house for years. Also putting him down is just as damaging as enabling.

    • Smilez_920

      I think men should self reflect more on their own rather than waiting to hit rock bottom or close to it.<—- TRUTH.

  • http://learninglover.com/blog AfterMath

    My question would be is it lying (or withholding truth) if I don't completely understand the question. I mean, you give the example "I don't want to be in a serious relationship", which is a line many guys use. But many guys feel just this way until they meet THAT woman who makes them feel that they want to be in a relationship.

    To a larger point though, I don't think truth/lies are cut and dry. There's a time and a place. If we're at work and you want to know why I didn't make it in yesterday, I'm going to tell you what happened to me as it pertains to my work. I'm not going to go into the drama about the arguments that go on in my house because that's none of your business. Now, if my dad asks me about why I look stressed out, its a different story and I'm probably going to tell him more, but even then it has its limits. Its about time and place.
    My recent post Learning Math through Set Theory

  • Dr. J

    I don't agree with the study because I think that women can be just as immoral as men. I also think that articles like that typically look at the "standard" man and use that to sum up all men. Let's be real, women aren't looking for a "standard" man they want more.

    Women and men use the phrase, "I don't want to be in a serious relationship" the exact same way. If the woman or man of your dreams comes along, you'll be ready. If not, you can tell yourself that you don't want it all day and night. Dreams and things change though. Let's say I meet the woman of my dreams today. I may spend the next 3 years being in love with her but my personal situation changes and she's not the woman of my dreams anymore. I may reach a level of personal development where I don't feel the need to ever be in a relationship. Very few people will reach that level.

    Men and women lie. They lie for all types of reasons, there's no difference in the way people lie. Adam and Eve got kicked out the Garden of Eden at the same time, and for the same reason. I've met both men and women whom i've decided were just very bad people on the inside. Their motivation was no different. If being a morally sound person is not something that resonates with you, then you will be immoral. Gender plays no role in that.

    • TheWhittiest

      I agree with you. As for the other questions–

      No lie, it sucks when you’re feeling someone tough, and it’s not reciprocated; however, for every spa day due to rejection, there’s a man who’ll wash your feet. Trust me, I now know. I think women can deal with the truth without a reason when they experience what a good man who belongs to her feels like. A woman has to demand the truth from men, and accept it when comes.

      Men have a tendency to make it quite clear when they choose you. They only make it ambiguous when they are unsure or truly don’t want all of you, so that within itself is indicator that you are not "it" for him.

  • Teyana

    Speaking for myself, I know i cannot accept the reason without the justification. It may be because of my profession as a lawyer. In law, regardless of the the nature of the matter- criminal or civil, people litigate because something that shouldnt have happened did, so we want to know 1) whose fault was it, and unless it was a force majeure 2) why did it happen, etc?. I have (un)fortunately carried these same principles into my personal life. You cant tell me the what without the why.
    In varsity when analysing a factual question, the 4 step method we were taught was 1. What are the facts? 2. What does the law say? 3. Apply the law to the facts(here is where the why comes in and is pivotal to the case) 4. Conclude. Again (un)fortunately, the law is not black and white, there are plenty grey areas, and what makes it grey is the why! Very basic example; killing is someone a crime. You should be locked up for life. Its the WHY (and the quality of your representation) that determines if go home or to jail.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      Thanks for this comment! I don't have much to add but you've given me some things to think about.

    • Naija

      I only have time to read right now, but I’ll drop my cosignage here for the time being.

    • Larry

      I think it goes without saying that the "why" is important, however I took the post as to saying that (some) men don't have an answer to the reason "why". So therefore when pinned down for an explanation it almost feels like (some) men have to make up say something to appease the questioner.

      When one wants to be as honest as possibe, but doesn't have the words to form for a plausisble explanation…that is another area of "grey" that's hard to navigate. What's the solution? That I don't know…which I suppose, by definition, makes me part of the problem.

  • Teyana

    I get paid to think like this, so at times (and to my detriment), i dont get off the clock and approach personal matters like that. Treating fellaz like they are in 3 piece suits in the witness box, while i play both prosecutor and judge. lol

    I think men must strengthen their resolve and step away from the mentality of "its only wrong if i get caught". They just have to do the right thing, all the time- regardless of who is watching! Its a matter of boundaries and from the report above- if success is on the side of the road, like proverbial the chicken- he will cross the road, even if its rush hour!

    As women, myself specifically, what i do that hinders or discourages change is stereotyping and over-generalising. Also extremely critical, as i know lots of other women are- very little appreciation for the small changes made- we want a full 180 in 1 day or "you aint sh*!", so men dont even try because whatever they do will never be good enough.
    Thats my 2 cents and great post! :)

  • Beef Bacon

    Fascinating Post WIM!

    Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions? Maybe. It depends on the question.

    Using the example noted above: would you need to know why he can’t be with you or only that he can’t be with you? I wouldn't need to know. Not wanting to be with me is enough…keep it moving.

    What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men? Men and women that go through life being deceitful to "win" will ultimately learn the hard way. You can't do dirt and not expect it to come back. Only people that think they can be the system feel that way. Ask any older person if crime pays and they will tell you….NOPE! Women can be more understanding of the person they are with. For example, my husband may some changes when we got serious. I saw his struggle and got scared, I had never seen this side of him…but I also never seen him struggle. It took a older married woman to tell me…girl please, he's a man and this is hard for him. He needs your support now more than ever. I understood. I held tight and we got through it intact and closer.

    • http://realmendontgossip.com WisdomIsMisery

      Agreed. I also think women under-estimate how unnatural it feels for most men to deal with their emotions. I think women are so immersed and used to dealing with emotions they assume this is natural for everyone – and it's not. Speaking for self, dealing with emotion(s) – or generally anything I cant control – makes me, for lack of a better term, uncomfortable.

      Some women view this as immature (and maybe it is). However, I consider myself pretty resolved and well rounded and I still HATE dealing with emotions. I cannot express this enough, I HATE IT. Even when it's "appropriate." Another thing that hinders a lot of men is the fact that we can only show emotion when others deem appropriate. If we show too much emotion, we're "punks" if we don't show enough we're "insensitive." It's rare that we have control over this barometers of emotional approval; others – men and women – decide for us when it's ok to express ourselves and how much is tolerable. Aside from simply being uncomfortable in this realm, I think a lot of men err on the side of avoiding it all together – save for anger and apathy, which are approved "masculine" (in the stereotypical sense) emotions.

      I only toss this out there because it's not always about deceit, lies, etc. Most men aren't comfortable expressing themselves, period. Further, they definitely aren't going to express themselves in that way for any woman.

      My recent post Review: Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

      • Beef Bacon

        It was weird seeing it from a wife's view. It's different that the view of a daughter seeing her father go through it.

        I didn't understand the way he would display frustration, disappointment, etc. I felt some type of way about how he was acting because I took it personal. Looking back I realize that I was making it worse reacting the way I did. I learned another side to him and we are better off now because of it. I now see how to deal if he gets that way and I can help minimize his pain as well.

        "Even the strongest man needs someone to hold him"-Esperanza Spalding

      • LetsLove

        This was a helpful response.

        Understanding that it is uncomfortable and unnatural (as well as the conflict of when to express and how much) helps me get over feeling like men are just unwilling. Thanks.

      • WIM

        My bad. That last line came out wrong. "aren't going to express themselves in that way for any woman" should read "just any woman." I was meant to drive home the point that we have to feel a certain level of comfort before we open up to a woman (or anyone, really). I know a lot of women personalize – when a man doesn't open up. As Beef Bacon pointed out, sometimes this exasperates the situation. It's not always about our unwillingness to open up to you specifically. Sometimes it's about our unwilling to open up, period.

        Sorry if this was unclear before.

      • Alakaii Hawaii

        A man's anger/apathy when we both know I'm in the safe zone of how men perceive women is what causes submission, energize-wise. Because I know HE'S uncomfortable with me acting a fool and at the same time he knows acting a fool with me isn't acceptable. So it neutralizes. Which, as a woman….is extremely uncomfortable….because I'm drowning in testosterone and I'm curious so I wanna push it. but then sometimes there's a barrier and I test it out and then with a correction it's like no? Hm. Well. This way? (anger/apathy) So….can I keep going this way? (silence) Okay….so what's gonna happen if I push it in the direction you just corrected me. (silence) -does something wrong to get a correction- Okay so then this IS the direction. ….. Does it feel good? (awkward) The reason I like men talking is that I don't wanna unknowingly be making them feel good. because at no point is it guaranteed I'll be subjected to/dominated by the best of him. and that's all that is acceptable. You're hiding something. *digs deeper*

  • Larry

    Over time, men learn that telling the truth to most women results in more questions. It’s rare, if ever, a woman says “Ok,” and goes on about her day. One of the scariest questions a woman can ask a man is, “Why?” Men will chew threw their own shoulder blade to avoid having to explain themselves to a woman. This isn’t always because we’re liars. Sometimes it’s because WE HAVE NO IDEA WHY. What we do know is that we don’t want to even attempt to explain ourselves.

    Yo, this right here, though? *tosses money in collection plate*

    • Dr. J

      Fam. I answer women's questions with the truth. If more questions follow, I simply start to tell them what's important and what isn't important to the discussion. That's how you combat that.

      I actually just had a recent conversation similar to this last week. A woman wanted to know what about her actions made me upset and I said it's not a matter of what she did, but the fact that it occurred. I wasn't about to have a line-by-line discussion about how something she said or did offended me. My point was, "We shouldn't even be having to have this conversation and that's the only important point worth making."

      • Bree

        Cosign Doc J…..As women too many times we constantly seek answers that we can completely understand, accept, and be satisfied with. This will not always be the case and in fact only causes us to perpetually spin our wheels unnecessarily seeking answers we will probably never be satisfied with. It irks me that women are constantly asking men the same damn questions repeatedly. Like why do men cheat? Why do men lie? Why won't men commit? blah blah blah blah.
        What women especially need to realize is those general questions are totally irrelevant because the answers won't guarantee your man won't cheat, lie and not commit. What is impnt is getting with the right type of man that is not a habitual liar and cheater ie learning to leave the fine and sexy tall successful playa's alone and considering shorter men and regular joe's. And getting with commitment and marriage minded men, (and they are out there, I know plenty of them). And ensuring that your the right type of woman to attract these men and have what it takes to make them want to commit to you.

        • Bree

          I watched the movie He's Mine, Not Yours, on TVOne over the weekend. In a scene where Allen Payne's character was talking to his boys girl about how to keep him from cheating and keep him satisfied and happy; his advice to her was simply "learn to understand your man."

      • Larry

        Oh for sure, I always tell the truth and answer any follow ups to the best of my ability , no doubt. Always have. Doesn't make it any easier when one feels as if the answer isn't as concrete as one wants it to be. But like WIM said, only sometimes we have no idea why and by "no idea" I mean, personally, being able to put together a plausible explanation concrete enough to satisfy the afformentioned question.

        But I agree with you 100%….no argument here.

  • LetsLove

    I really like this post.

    Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions?

    – For that particular example I do not need to know a reason as to why you cannot be with me if you know nothing you say is going to change the intensity of your emotions or the ultimate outcome of us breaking up. It may be wise for you to give me a justification because you may be basing your opinion of me on some temporary behavior that I have taken on for a reason that you and I could possibly communicate about and overcome – but I mean if you're ready to check up the deuces already… go. Also some of us do certain things just because we can and if you were to tell us to STOP… we just might do that, and a whole lot of other things you tell us to do too… ;)

    But there are other times when I will ask follow up questions and it is not an interrogation or a means to an end. I like to talk! I want to understand and support you.

    I hate the "you over analyze" comment. It often makes me feel like really? Sorry I care about your a$$. On a side note tho.. sometimes I think this is a MAJOR cop-out. Am I over-analyzing or are you just annoyed that I actually listen to what you say and can sometimes catch an inconsistency?

    What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men?

    - I think men should take more responsibility in general by understanding their actions and the impact of their actions. Also a lot of times I think men tend to act out a little bit or get mad when they don't know what to do, how to respond or how to fix the situation. Maybe we don't want you to do any of the above – just listen and be there and don't just dismiss the situation. Or perhaps you should just say that you don't know what to do/say. And If we are being irrational or over emotional as we tend to do about once a month at minimum… just empathize sometimes jeez. Even when we don't make sense our emotions are real.

    I think women hinder men by tolerating what should otherwise be unacceptable behavior – especially after having made him aware that you think the behavior is unacceptable.

    • GirlSixx

      "I think women hinder men by tolerating what should otherwise be unacceptable behavior – especially after having made him aware that you think the behavior is unacceptable."

      *NodsHeads* Yaaaassssss.

      • Smilez_920

        Yes…. a lot of women won’t stick to their guns. They talk a big game about not putting up with any B.S. then the minute they get a man, their putting up with all types of foolishness to not be single again.

    • starita34

      Go on ahead and SAY THAT LetsLove!!

      I hate the "you over analyze" comment. It often makes me feel like really? Sorry I care about your a$$. On a side note tho.. sometimes I think this is a MAJOR cop-out. Am I over-analyzing or are you just annoyed that I actually listen to what you say and can sometimes catch an inconsistency?
      Haaate.

      Even when we don't make sense TO YOU our emotions are real.

      I think women hinder men by tolerating what should otherwise be unacceptable behavior – especially after having made him aware that you think the behavior is unacceptable.
      And this includes Mama!!

      • LetsLove

        Lol!! Right?! He's all… "girl stop all that thinkin' n sh*t! Puttin sh*t together!" Ninja please.

        "And this includes Mama!! "
        Oh yes!! Very good point, Star!

        • cynicaloptmst81

          "He's all… "girl stop all that thinkin' n sh*t! Puttin sh*t together!" Ninja please."

          RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT! LMBO!

          Hilarious!!!!!!

        • starita34

          "stop over analyzing" is often just "d@mn, I didn't think you'd peep that…"

          *throws the people's eyebrow"
          GTFOOHWTBS

    • kalistetics

      "I think men should take more responsibility in general by understanding their actions and the impact of their actions."

      Yepper!

      This is true for men AND women…and if I may, I want to add that "we" should also take more responsibility for "our" words and the impact of "our" words.

  • GirlSixx

    Nothing to add here – just nodding my head and enjoying the read in which most comments reflect my sentiments but I will say.. I am digging SBM's new layout. I likey!!!!!

  • Witisizem

    There are two quotes that stick with my MO: “There’s something between doing and not doing that can’t be trusted”  (Iyanla Vanzant?) and “When a person shows you who they are, believe them.”(Maya Angelou). Whether a person opens his/her mouth or not is insignificant to the information they’ve already provided through their actions.  A person can change their words according to the situation and person they are communicating with.  But changing actions?  Now, that takes some extreme effort that most people won’t invest.  So, to directly answer your first questions, I would not need a guy to verbally explain why he “can’t” (won’t) be with me- he’s probably shown that feeling through his lack of effort and general emotional unavailability.  However, I do understand that some less intuitive people would need that verbal confirmation but they shouldn’t rely on the “whys” because that person may be in tune with giving them the answer they want to hear rather than an answer that is completely transparent. 

    As for your last sub-question(s), a man should be evaluated by the content of his character, independent of what romantic feelings he might share with a female.  This means a male should try to develop himself into a man of integrity and not just seeking faux integrity as a means to an end (i.e. acting considerate in the beginning to gain a woman’s trust and then betraying that trust once she lets her guard down).  Sometimes women hinder this growth by not trusting that, if and when a male falls on his face, he can pick himself back up.  As some posters have noted, there is a fine line between support and enabling.

  • Enitan

    This reminds me of something that recently happened to me. I met someone who I thot could be the one. We got along so well. I was happy until he suddenly stopped calling leaving me confused. I tried to find out what went wrong, if I said/did something wrong. However, the more I tried, the more he pulled away. this only made me more confused, and angry, and -here’s the bait- want to try harder to make him see how good for him I could be. This only complicated things. Then I decided to chill. if a relationship is not meant to work, someone has got to do the breaking up. Only we ladies want to reserve the right to do the breaking up. He might have been a jerk but the worst thing I could to myself is to keep seeking to find out ‘how come he turned out to be a jerk?’ Bottom line is, when things go wrong in a relationship, there’s a thin line btw looking for closure and becoming delusional. I read a post here abt emotionally unavailable men, and what I got from it is that; u can easily set urslf up to lose ur self esteem if u keep believing that u’re entitled to an explanation for why things went wrong. It’s hard to have this perspective. Personally, from experience, I found that it is better and works for greater good, to walk away with dignity. Maybe the actual good is in not going in2 every relationship thinking this is the one, until the person turns out to be the one. This way, we’ll retain the consciousness that we might have to walk out of it some day. Great post WIM!

  • cynicaloptmst81

    Aww, WIMmy-WIM! This was a really great read! Thank you…seriously, thank you. *dap*

    So much truth in the post…hard truth, but truth. Of course, you gotta take stats and studies with a grain of salt. No one man or woman is the same. But, on average…well, considering my friendship/family circle, I think this study is more accurate than not.

    "Half the problem is men want women to think (or act) like men and women want men to think (but not act) like women. This is never going to happen. At best, we can attempt to better understand why men and women act so differently in the face of the exact same circumstances." <– SoooOoooOooo true!!!!

    "Where I continue to have my doubts is if men will change." <– I'd ask why…but I think the answer is cause they don't have to…cause they're still getting what they ultimately want.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions? <– Depends on where we are in our journey together. Talking? Yes. Dating? Yes. Relationship?Imma need some type of discussion.

      Using the example noted above: would you need to know why he can’t be with you or only that he can’t be with you? < — See first answer. But, if I'm in a rela with you, most likely, I know what our issues are and won't need a drawn out discussion once it officially ends.

      What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men? <– Tell the truth and let the chips fall where they may in all instances…even if that offers the possiblity of losing her. If you didn't want to lose her, you shouldn't have done whatever it is that you don't want to tell her. Its not fair to let women live in a false reality…especially if you care about her. Women need to accept the truth without a bunch of drama.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      "Where I continue to have my doubts is if men will change." <– I'd ask why…but I think the answer is cause they don't have to…cause they're still getting what they ultimately want.</b>

      The focus of this particular series will be on the action and roles of men but your hunch is, in my opinion, correct. I'd elaborate but I know there are eyes just waiting for me to shift blame back to women (when, in actuality, it's not a shift of blame more than it is a discussion about the roles both parties play in reaching a desired or undesired outcome). However, since I'm fully aware of this, I'll continue to focus on men. lol

      • cynicaloptmst81

        "I'd elaborate but I know there are eyes just waiting for me to shift blame back to women…"

        LMBO! You speaketh the truth…

      • Larry

        #Smart!! lol

  • starita34

    And while I'm typing let me just go on ahead and give my honest and non PC answer to this one: "Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions?"

    No. Almost every time, no. There are a few exceptions which I wanted to lead with to make myself seem more well-adjusted, but no. I wanna know the why the majority of the time. Shoot I ask 'why' on silly, irrelevant stuff, much less the dissolution of a relationship!

  • Smilez_920

    Depends on where we are in our journey together. Talking? Yes. Dating? Yes. Relationship?Imma need some type of discussion. <—- yup

  • Bree

    can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions? Absolutely. It took me a while to get to this point. But the older I get the more of a "logical thinker" I become. You have to realize at some point that you cannot control other people, only yourself. Things are not going to always go your way. So when you don't get the answers you want or no answers at all, you move on and let it go and let whatever is said be enough. Once you know a person doesn't want you, thats all you really "need" to know, not much else matters because it doesn't change the fact that they don't want you. I think we as human beings question too much anyway. Sometimes for your own peace of mind it's best to just let it be.

    • Beef Bacon

      I agree with all this Bree.

  • Bree

    What changes do you think men should make independent of women? All men need to do is simply Grow Up. For centuries studies have shown that men mature mentally, and emotionally, at a significantly slower rate than women do. This definitely plays a huge part in the reasoning behind many grown men behaving more like boys than men, (except for in the bedroom). One thing to be mindful of though is the way in which boys are raised as opposed to girls. Studies also show that boys are coddled more and babied more by their mom than girls. This could also contribute indirectly and/or directly to the stunting of boys maturity, particularly when dealing with women.

  • Bree

    What actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men?
    Enabling, accepting, buying into the bs, falling for the bait, being to lenient, falling for any and everything and standing for nothing, many times out of fear of being alone.
    Women need to get out of that mentality of any man is better than no man. Not So. I agree with men that when Almost All women stop putting up with the lies and the bs. Also women need to stop running game themselves, and using sex and their children like pawns. Men aren't stupid, they know that there are just as many sheisty and conniving women as there are lying and cheating men. Men don't like to get played for fools just like women don't like to get lied to, they also don't like being used for money just like women don't like being used for sex. So a lot of men treat women a certain way because they have been played just as many times as women have and they are tired of it just as much as women are.
    We need to learn to get to a level of understanding and acceptance of one another that will allow us to be on one accord.

  • Streetz

    "Still, this is where men repeatedly fail women. Men tell women what we think they want to hear because we know if we told them what they needed to hear, then we might not get what we want from them (for the record, this isn’t always sex)."

    I think that at times, men tell women what they want to hear because women at times cant handle the blunt truth at times. I think consistency is key. Keep it real and see what occurs.

    good shyt
    My recent post #BeTheBetter Fitness Log: Entry 6

    • monique

      Right…is really us( women) not being able to handle the truth, or you(men) not being able to handle the consequences. Can you specify what "handling the truth" exactly means? Cause it sounds to me a fear of rejection comes into play if one is given the choice to make informed consent.

      • Streetz

        Monique are you #reacting right now? lol jk.

        Sometimes women dont want to hear the truth they already suspect. So if you tell them otherwise, they are cool with that type of deception. On one hand, women will ask for the truth and on another will be upset when they actually hear it, thus deeming said man an a-hole.

        Some women, not all. Women and men have reasons to keep up a farce of a touch and go relationship. Men will keep it real and say that they just want to avoid having a deep conversation about dating. women cant admit sometimes that they just dont want to be hurt, or dont want to have to deal with the "what do I do now" scenario if a dude tells them that he doesnt want to commit, or anything along those lines
        My recent post #BeTheBetter Fitness Log: Entry 6

        • monique

          I mean finding on 700000000000000 day vs. day one, that a person really is just stringing you along not to "hurt" your feeling is really for their benefit and not yours. Truth is when all parties are aware of what is going on the playing field is now leveled. A lot people prefer to strike the best deal for themselves and have the advange over another by witholding crucial information. I find it further unfortunately that those same people still try to maintain this advanage by then turning the tables around and making the focus on how the person inappropiately responded to being deceived. when in fact the only thing inappriopate was the deception from the start.

          Side note: If a man doesn't want to commit ,out of courtesy, he should not allow her to make investments where there will be no returns. Don't meet the fam, if she asks. Do not accept treatment beyond what she offers those she isn't dating seriously. A lot of men, whether they want to admit to or not, will find it tempting to ride a benefical situation out. Those question,"what do I do now" suggest that she had been doing something and unfortunately didn't get the memo it was all for not.

        • Streetz

          Cosign your comment!
          men and women are privy to thsoe advantages you speak on and its wrong on both accoutns. Keepin it real is best to me
          My recent post #BeTheBetter Fitness Log: Entry 6

        • Smilez_920

          If a man doesn't want to commit, out of courtesy, he should not allow her to make investments where there will be no returns. <— Yup!!!

          Yes if he notices that even after he has told her he is not looking for a commitment, that she is still pushing for it through certain actions, then he should remove himself out of the picture, just to avoid drama and stress. But she also needs to accept that a commitment is not what he is looking for, and take responsibilities for her own investments (actions). If she knows there is no return she needs to act accordingly, not keep putting in hoping to strike gold.

        • Alakaii Hawaii

          lmao @ this conversation being me. *digs into a guy's psyche until I discover love*…..*pulls a few strings, adjust a few things*….now you're a thousandaire.

          What do I do now?

          *catches up on sleep*

          I think there's something wrong with me. I don't know any woman who leaves good men and feels absolutely nothing. It's as simple as goodbye. dig into the next one. leave a trail of awesomeness behind me. At no point in my life have I been attached to a relationship. 8 years together??? na, I'm out. You woulda did it to me eventually. All you got was an intelligence report so it's cool to breakup, you'll be alright dude.

  • Streetz

    Did you say our site lookin like a bag of money? Did u paraphrase Rick Ross Cyn?! oww!

    You better stop with all that flattery!
    My recent post #BeTheBetter Fitness Log: Entry 6

    • cynicaloptmst81

      LMBO!

      All I know about Rick Ross is that he's the big guy with the gross lookin belly…and he's grossly unaware that his belly is gross cause he keeps flashing that nasty mess around like has a 6-pack or something, LOL! Oh…and he's the maybach music guy too…

      But if that impressed you, Yeah, I got that from him, LOL! #WomenLieMenLie

      • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

        I also thought the money reference was to RAWSE.lol. Funny, because Streetz and I were just talking about that song the other day. Thanks for compliment though!
        My recent post Comment on More About the Lifestyle and Less About the Diet by Slim Jackson

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Maybe I shoulda said something churchy…

          *preachers voice* "I-I-I see…I see wealth-the and prosperity is aaaallllllll over you!" LOL

      • Streetz

        SMH all you be doin is lyin to us SIN!

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Dang and you put "SIN" too?!

          LMBO… So messed up…lol

  • bellatrice1

    I don't think men are less moral than women. They just use what they've got to get what they want, just like women.

    I don't need to know why. What's odd is in my last relationship, the guy insisted on discussing his decision to break up. He wanted to talk about it. This annoyed me. Maybe most girls want answers. I do not. It was enough for him to say we should "take a break." Like someone said above…once you've had a guy who loved your dirty drawers and truly loved you, you will know right away when a guy is just "meh" about you, no explanation needed. Or maybe like someone said, he was just an a-hole (this is a strong possibility).

    I truly think men need to deal with their past hurts as it relates to life in general. I feel like 99% of the men I've date and been in relationships with were holding onto a lot hurt which keeps them from realizing their true potential and also truly becoming a whole human being. When you are whole and emotionally stable, the way you treat people (not just women) in general will change. A lot of these men are out here looking for revenge because of the first girl they ever "loved" back in 3rd grade who rejected his Valentine. It's really ridiculous.
    My recent post 10 Ignorant Things People Say and Do

    • Bree

      "I don't think men are less moral than women. They just use what they've got to get what they want, just like women. " Cosign on this statement all day.
      Less mature, in some ways yes……..less moral, not at all.

  • Jessica

    Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions?

    >>>> I can handle this, but I think that I would probably drive myself crazy trying to figure out why and I'll be forced to draw my own conclusion which may or may not be what actually took place.

    Using the example noted above: would you need to know why he can’t be with you or only that he can’t be with you?

    >>>> Depends on how deep/long the relationship was.

    What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men?

    >>>> Overall, I think men should consider that we can handle the truth, even when it hurts. Telling lies or half truths and then getting caught up only makes the situation worse. I think women push the issue (of getting a reason, needing closure, etc.) and should just learn how to let things play out. Closure isn't always necessary and you won't get it every time you want (or need) it.

  • YeahDotDotDot

    Ladies, can you handle only knowing the answer to your question without the justification/reasoning behind his actions?

    Sure,but I remember listening to a radio show where they were discussing the fact that many people just stop returning phone calls when they lose interest or simply break things off without explanation. The rejected then return to the dating pool without knowledge of what went wrong and we all know that if people continuously hear the same thing from several different people, either:

    1. Those people are telling the truth.
    2. Your behavior is being falsely interpreted.

    Change or further disappointment would be the only options in either case-if your "type" is not the issue.. At least you know what's happening. Accurate self-reflection could probably yield the same results. Yet, getting an explanation is easier and should be less painful than shoulder-chewing. This is where morality comes in. If a guy is not really interested in being in a relationship with you, he wants a good return on little investment. He cannot see the point in discussing things that really do not matter from his point of view. Your personal growth is of no consequence because he doesn't want to be with you anyway. Yet, we all live in this world together.

    Using the example noted above: would you need to know why he can’t be with you or only that he can’t be with you?

    I speak my mind, because I believe in communicating the truth, whether it hurts or not. I value men who behave the same way. As I age, I really don't analyze as much as I used to. I wish them success in the future and keep it moving simply because if a man's with you, he's with you. If not, you may get an explanation or you may not. If he doesn't OFFER one, that speaks volumes.

    For some men, it comes off as callousness because they expect me to lash out. That's not my style and if he doesn't accept that, we both dodged a bullet. If you have to hurt me and see me react to confirm my feelings, ick. I never saw the point. So, if you want me to light a match to your clothes in your car, I need a written statement signed by you and notarized as well as a county permit. Otherwise, Alex, I'll take move on with my life for $5,000.

    As for a FWBs situation, we started off as FWBs, and so we would end the same way.

    What changes do you think men should make independent of women and what actions of women do you think hinder some of these desired changes in men?

    I think both sexes should:

    Stop projecting and deflecting.
    Seek understanding of self.
    Quality communication is important.
    Treat the opposite sex like human beings, with respect and dignity.
    (Whether you want to be with them or not)
    Quit with the double standards.
    (Men are not neanderthals incapable of controlling themselves. They can benefit if you think
    they're stupid and don't know any better. Women are not flawless and pure
    or dirty slores.)
    Stop being so superficial.
    Quit being so self-conscious and approval-seeking.
    Realize that sometimes rejection is the best thing that can happen to you.

    • Bree

      Great points YeahDotDotDot

  • Jack

    If women are so moral then explain paternity fraud.

    • Adonis

      Thank you Jack

  • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

    Great Post WIM. Couple of things. Men have trouble examining their emotions and even more trouble expressing them. So when they say things that relate to how they feel or what they want, it usually has some relation to the truth, but that relation can be really tenable. Sometimes they lie to get what they want, sometimes they don't know what they want because they don't like to think about it.

    Women can't handle the truth = She reacts in a way that makes me uncomfortable
    Women over-analyze = She wants an explanation I cant or won't give

    A man's reasons for his actions belong to him. If he wants to be understood and respected, it is his responsibility to make himself understood, not get mad at the woman because he lacks the desire to look deep or the vocabulary to express it.

    Yes, society says the only emotions that are "manly" are anger and disinterest. But if that's all you express to me, I'm gonna call bullsh!t. I'm gonna ask questions. I'm gonna investigate, interrogate, analyze until I get the answer. There is nothing wrong with that. There is everything right with it. If you need to hide from your truth, that's your problem. I don't care if we are talking, dating, married. If I want to find out, I will not stop until I do. If you can't handle it, you have the option to walk. I'm not afraid of you walking. In my opinion, you did me a favor.

    Some men have integrity. A guiding principle they live by that is not dependent on their winning. I've met some of these men. They are ethical despite the outcome. They don't lie to women to get what they want. So, you'll forgive me if I think men who can't do that are weak. Give me all the excuses in the world about society and nature. They are excuses.

    Society tells me that I should lie about my body count and sexual appetite to get a man. My personal ethics tells me that I won't be false to anyone. And if I lose a man for it, I am better off because he would never love the real me. Short term gains can lead to long term losses.

    My recent post The Cougar Principles

    • Adonis

      Some men have integrity. A guiding principle they live by that is not dependent on their winning. I've met some of these men. They are ethical despite the outcome. They don't lie to women to get what they want. So, you'll forgive me if I think men who can't do that are weak. Give me all the excuses in the world about society and nature. They are excuses.

      I don't mind the judgement… Because I relate to judgmental people… But can we get a complete picture of these men who are full of integrity… Mental, emotional make up, parents, social ties, employment, etc… Because I'm sure if all men had the advantages & disadvantages these men who are full of integrity have, they/we all would have integrity too…

      The only downside to being judgmental is that we don't have a complete picture…

  • Adonis

    And obviously your definition of integrity in this context is not lying "to women to get what they want"

    • http://www.wildcougarconfessions.com Wild Cougar

      Integrity is deciding to live by a set of principles no matter what. You define youself by it. To me a man is defined by what his word is worth. But that’s my definition. You might have a different one. Thats your right.

  • Adonis

    Wiz, if I misread the great piece you wrote, please school me… I'm rushing a bit…

    Basically men & women were defined as moral & ethical based on masculine core values, i.e. dominance… If we were defined by feminine core values (beauty, children) I hypothesize that men would look like saints; females like sinners, which would bring us back to square one… Still an hypothesis tho…

    I just believe that when you have food on your table, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and getting all the s*x you want, and to curtail your greed in life, it is easy to can look like Honest Abe (who is now a Vampire Slayer?)…

    But being that the world isn't fair, and people can be slightly different in emotional, mental, physical (health) make-up due to genetics & environment, also inherit monetary, social ties, and be in certain … morals & ethics can be a bit pointless discussion…

    IMO To sum this up… If you want to get better/decent/upstanding men, you have to start with confronting female s*xuality/hypergamy… Won't solve everything, but a step in the right direction

  • http://theblackbondblog.wordpress.com BlkBond

    Something told me to pass through your blog. Just wanted to come through and say I like the direction your blog/writing is going in. Over the past year+ you all have made a transition in the way you write as well as the different perspective that has grown from experience and I think it's spot on.

    Bond.
    My recent post What if…

  • http://www.formvote.com/ questions to people

    This thought are so true!!! Bob Marly was an real philosopher

  • Pingback: Some Truths That Women Don’t Want to Hear | From Ashy to Classy

  • http://gylterri.revelife.com/weblog/ diet pills jennifer aniston

    Get as much exercise as you can that feels good without letting it interfere with your
    work or family life. According to Web – MD, this product has not been proven effective in anti-aging.
    But there’s no real evidence to support a muscle-building effect.

  • http://karissarokos72dc7.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/simple-iphone-tips-and-tricks-anyone-can-easily-use/ mobile phone radiation protection uk

    We are at the dawn of integrating convergent technologies, and if
    we get it right we can offer future global cities some great solutions.
    The good news is that there is a solution for such a problem
    that falls within your means: Password Managers. Newly, america a report within the examine resources so that
    you mobile phone the radiation, associated with people’s spirits opened up.

  • http://melodiedeculus9774d.wordpress.com/2013/06/08/questions-about-social-media-marketing-try-these-tips/ social media marketing jobs in florida

    Social media marketing focuses on writing good content and marketing this content,
    as well. s arrival to the social media party is fashionably late, the new entrant certainly
    looks promising. Attendance increased each month and public awareness grew as
    people shared the Facebook invitation with their network.

  • http://darellahmj.wordpress.com/2013/06/23/tips-to-learning-the-basics-about-a-theraputic-massage/ darellahmj.wordpress.com

    Tapotement also known as percussion is a stimulating manipulation that operates through the response of
    the nerves. Work up a little friction in each node by kneading each one at least five times.
    - Begin with light strokes at the base of the neck.

  • http://journals.fotki.com/adultsister18/my-blog/entry/bttktfsbdgfw/ backyard landscaping roseville

    In cold weather, plants grow faster that provides commercial feasibility for gardeners.

    Hens very funny to observe and definitely will command typically the
    insect pest inhabitants in the all-natural technique.
    It’s a good idea to adopt this strategy with your writing
    as well.