AskMen: 6 Ways to Determine How Much Your Relationship is Worth

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Last week, AskMen.com posted an articled called Assessing Your Relationship’s Value. The post covered six ways men can determine how much their relationship is really worth. You can click the link above to read the post in full. I’ve captured select excerpts below.

1. Check the Foundations

If you catch her telling half-truths about where she was last night or if you never give her your honest opinion about anything, it’s a bad sign, and a clear indication that one of you doesn’t trust the other.

I found it interesting that the author clearly points out, “if you never give her your honest opinion about anything” as an assessment of value. I have a few friends that don’t bother giving their honest opinion because they don’t want to bother fighting about it. In their mind, if she really doesn’t want his honest opinion, then why bother giving it to her? I’m not sure if this is a flaw in their relationship or a coping mechanism.

2. Consider Curb Appeal

To some, it might seem shallow to evaluate your partner based on looks, but let’s be real: Your level of attraction is going to dictate the terms of your physical relationship, and the physical component of your relationship has everything to do with every other component of your relationship.

A thousand HALLELUJAHS! I’ve had this debate at nauseam. I see nothing wrong with desiring an attractive partner. For whatever reason, people think you can’t have it all – a woman who is physically attractive, intelligent, good personality, emotionally attractive, etcetera. I don’t know why people feel this way but I wish them 100 years of success. Looks aren’t everything but they’re something. As an added bonus, AskMen also covered ways to tell your wife will be hot in 20 years – a topic I will cover in more detail another day.

3. Conduct An Inspection

If you can’t get through the day without making or hearing a nasty comment, it could suggest built-up resentment or even contempt.

True.

4. Evaluate The Market

You’re not going to stop being attracted to hot women just because you’re in a relationship.

I was talking to my (happily) married friend about this recently. I believe a lot of men are waiting for this magical point in their life when they will suddenly stop desiring or being attracted to any and all other women, then and only then can they finally commit to one woman. My married friend informed me this is stupid. He is still attracted to other attractive women. He likely always will be. This wasn’t a valid excuse not to not marry the woman he Loved. It only meant he needs to honor the institution of marriage and the word he gave to his wife, witnesses, and God. This doesn’t mean he still can’t admire (not safe for work) Kate Upton gifs in his spare time.

5. Bring In A Caravan

When you’re assessing the value of your relationship, you should consult your own team of experts.

I don’t know about this advice, unless the experts are really experts. Seeking relationship advice from friends, family, Twitter, Facebook, WisdomIsMisery is flawed for a number of reasons. The most important reason is that people bias their story telling to make it seem like they are the victim and it is always the other person in the relationship who is the only one contributing to its demise. In actuality, there are three sides to every story: yours, theirs, and the truth. Furthermore, friends, family, Twitter, Facebook, but not WisdomIsMisery, are more likely to take your side. Even if you bash out the windows in his car on Instagram, a crazy and illegal activity, you will always have that core group of friends that will support your ignorant ways with Facebook Likes and comments that read, “well he shouldn’t have had his/her car parked there anyway, girl/bro!” False. You are crazy, but unfortunately only a true expert can objectively diagnose your clinical insanity.

6. Love For Sale

If you notice an increase in your bickering, your first step should be to try to resolve the issues hampering your romantic bliss.

I agree. We live in a society of instant gratification but relationships (and people) haven’t kept up. I notice a lot of good relationship fail because one or both partners are too stubborn, quick, or unwilling to work on the relationship the first time difficulty arises. Instead, they hop on Facebook or Twitter to complain about their relationship problems (see #5) to everyone except for the person they have the issue with. This only exasperates the problem, embarrasses you and them, and often makes mountains out of what should have been molehills. If you don’t want to make the relationship work, that’s fine, but if you do, failing to communicate with the one person you want to make it work with is a recipe for disaster.

Fellas, what do you think of these tips? Have you applied any of these before or what is missing from the list? Ladies, how do you assess the value of your relationship?

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From Our Partners

  • bellatrice1

    I think about life without them and decide whether my life would change for the better/if their absence will have a large impact on my life, whether that impact is negative or positive. Also, "evaluating the market" is always in order!

    Time is of the essence, as well, so I take into consideration the amount of time I've invested in the relationship before jumping ship.

  • 2cool4school

    Is it bad that I was so relieved this wasn't 6 pages to click through.

    • fromcletodal

      I was thinking the exact same thing lol.

    • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

      Death to page numbers

    • WAChick

      Nope, I was thinking the EXACT same thing.

    • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

      Appreciate the feedback. I see the comments and thumbs up. They are noted.

      I can't say there will be death to page numbers and clicking, but I can say that we're working on a solution that will make it a much better experience for everyone. In the mean time, bear with us.
      My recent post The Soreness Killer: TwinLab Endurance Fuel

      • 2cool4school

        'preciate it. namaste

  • Bree

    2cool4school I feel u on that…..lol

  • Bree

    Personally in almost every relationship I look at everything about that person and every aspect of the relationship. I compile a list of the good and bad to compare and see if the good outweighs the bad.
    I'm honest with myself about my true feelings for the person and if I can give them what they want and need consistently for the long-term. I'm also honest with the person I'm with. Finally I think about and ask myself could I happily spend the rest of my life with this person and could they happily spend the rest of their life with me.
    #1 I agree with you Wis. Based on what you guys on here and many other men have told me a man will not be completely honest with a woman many times simply to avoid drama and an argument, simple as that.
    #2 is true too, Everybody men and women alike want to be with someone attractive that they are attracted to. However what people find attractive is relative. All depends on the individual.
    I can't wait to see the post on "how to tell if your partner will still be attractive in 20 yrs" lol. I've heard several brotha's say the only drawback to dating latina and italian women is that they don't age as well as sista's. So this is one thing that we definitely seem to have in our favor when it comes to black men.
    As for can you have everything in 1 person, I agree that you can have most everything. But the reality remains that nobody is perfect and everyone has flaws and no matter how good they look there will be things about them that will annoy you. It's just a matter of can you accept and deal with the flaws and imperfections, despite the persons looks. Kim Kardashian is gorgeous I'll give her that, but she can also be annoying as hell sometimes and very full of herself and selfish.
    #5 Consulting a team of experts – I think this can be your family and close friends if they are unbiased and honest with you. I'm completely honest with my friends and family and I tell them about themselves. If they are wrong I tell them they are wrong. I don't side with them just because they are family and/or friends. I support them always, but don't agree with them if they're wrong. So if you have people like this around you and they have your best interest at heart then they can be good consultants. Many times from the outside looking in your friends and family can see cracks in your relationship that u may not see because your "in love." You know they say "love is blind" and it is. Love can also be deaf, dumb, and stupid. It can cloud your judgement to where all you see and know is all the good and you don't see the bad. Men a good friend and/or family member can let u know if a woman is with you for the wrong reasons and using you or trying to play you. Ladies friends and family can let you know if a man is just playing you and using you. Typically family and friends can see the signs very early on and warn you. So it's a matter of having the right kind of people in your circle.
    # 6 I agree with. Keep your private business between you and your partner private.

  • http://twitter.com/itztrizz617 Tristan

    Admittedly this post was an eye opener. Not that i didnt know most of these tips already but looking at my last relationship i clearly missed some steps.

    1. After consistant fighting and hating to explain myself, I started telling half truths, I couldnt trust her to be rational she couldnt trust me period.

    2. I never understood why people try to guilt you into not wanting an attractive partner. If im not attracted to you, im not attracted to you, this didnt apply to my last relationship, just saying.

    3. This was the killer. Eventually it got to the point where i felt she loved me but at the same time didnt like my ass. What she initially saw as confident, smart, and funny turned into cocky, patronizing, and mean.

    4. Attraction is attraction. Just because you find someone attractive or they find you so, doesnt mean one wants the other. Attraction isnt transfered if i find one girl attractive that doesnt mean i find another less attractive.

    5. Perhaps i needed a better caravan. I had female friends who took my side because they are trying to get called up from the friend zone, male friends who took my side because single me is more fun to hang with, fam who took hers just cuz they like telling me im wrong. So i usually just work things out myself or…

    6. I try to work it out with her. This never worked because i have a tendency to dominate the conversation next thing you know i sound like a lecturer and she loses interest. Feeling I’m not being heard i say something fly online, she of course pays attention to that even though i said the same thing an hour prior. And alas, now the issue has snowballed into who are all these heauxs cosigning thats why i cant trust you…

    • CPT Callamity

      "I never understood why people try to guilt you into not wanting an attractive partner. If im not attracted to you"

      I don't understand this either. I don't see her personality at first sight and if she doesn't move me looks wise, I'm shallow enough to admit that I'm not going to pursue anything serious.

      • WIM

        +1

      • monique

        Yes, it's qute understandble to desire an attractive mate but in the economy of relationships, a person's physicality would be considered a diminshing return. People change and expecting your SO to maintain their same level of appearance from their 20s and 30s up until 50s and 60s is setting an impossible bar maybe even unrealistic. Boobies drop, skin sags and what are suppose to be soft become hard and what is hard becomes soft. Learning to expand your definiton of beauty or attractiveness outside the limited boundaries that just focusing on the physical brings can lead to a more a promising state of constant satisfaction with your mate.

        • monique

          Really enjoying your posts as of late WIM,

        • Bree

          Exactly Monique, especially when ur choosing a life partner. Nobody will look the same as they did at 60 something in thier 20's and 30's. Nobody ever thinks about that. As you get up in age you have to make sure you can get along with that person more than anything else. My mom gave me this advice, "marry a man that can make you laugh, because long after the looks fade at least you can laugh with him."

        • monique

          Yeah Bree, I heard similar advice. Marry someone you can talk to because after awhile that is the only thing the two of you will be able to do.

        • Brit

          But I think its ok to want to be initally attracted to someone and to remain attracted to them for at least a decent amount of time. Quite obviously in a marriage, the two of you will age together and naturally things will change for the both of you. However, while we are both in our 20s/30s, I want to take advantage of our youth and do things we might not be able to do later and for that to happen, I need to be attracted to you.

    • lifecoachtisha

      You nailed it Tristan!

  • Alakaii Hawaii

    The simple points in the AskMen version are relateable.

    I actually just went through all that and now I'm at the "love for sale" stage. Being around my best friend makes me feel unrestrained aggression. We both tend to do stuff that pushes us apart and then we take our moments to self soothe but there's such an inherent, overwhelming pleasure when we come together — not to mention how guaranteed our lifetime is and how secure I am with him and how well we mesh and how accurate my prophecies of wealth are — but we have a hard time openly acknowledging ourselves when it comes to him imposing himself. He knows it will result in genuine submission across the board and he's sensitive to my comfort level. I randomly got a whiff of the older version of him though. It'd probably be more like, you're a good father. You're a good mother. I have a superb womb for the children of your loins. I am a sound provider to you and our future children. Let us bond. It's probably mutual awareness of quality breeding mates but it isn't the raw energy and chemistry of two forces of nature colliding.

  • http://TheSUNK.com theSUNK

    A few things that I think are missing is the ability to have fair arguments, your partners willingness to accept responsibility for mistakes they may or may not commit, the laugh factor (how does your partner relax you), etc.

  • cheez

    Again, you absolutely make no damn sense……answer the question. Did you use these tips from the article, what have you learned from this failed relationship, and what can you do better the next time you kidnap, tie up and drugged a person into being your partner………..

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      I'm sincerely staring at your comment. and I'm genuinely wondering if you are just unnerved by me. You seem really tense and I'm a bit concerned about your violent interpretation of the word "aggression". *weird look* Um. I apologize for your own stupiditiy I'm not really sure what you expect me to do about your lack of comprehension. It's harder for people beneath me to grasp concepts I don't really care if you do or not but I guess if I'm that serious to you then it's cool if you wanna keep struggling to understand — as oppossed to just not reading my comments. In all seriousness. It's like a middle school homework assignment. Go through my comment, take a deep breath, take your time, and answer your own questions.

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      What I really wanna know is how my chill mode comment overpowered your brain to the point you felt you angry. I'm exhausted and sluggish. How can you not comprehend my base form……….like dude I'm not even trying right now. That literally was a base comment. Please tell me you're joking. Seriously. It's not possible for it to be that hard to understand. That's amazing. lmao.

      • cheez

        You got it…..Im a dumb male……..woe is me.

    • Dawn

      @cheez…LMAO…some people have no clue the power of their words…while others just ramble to Hear themselves talk!!! ;o)

  • http://theworldoftiffany.wordpress.com Tiffany

    I think for ladies we assess through our intuition. Peeping the scenery helps too. And by that I mean if the scene has changed in his place then maybe someone else is coming over or has been over. Pay attention to brooding. A brooding man is an unhappy man. Listen to your gut!!!!

  • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

    "For whatever reason, people think you can’t have it all – a woman who is physically attractive, intelligent, good personality, emotionally attractive, etcetera. I don’t know why people feel this way but I wish them 100 years of success."

    That's not actually what I've noticed. What I HAVE noticed is some people will completely ignore obvious signs of mis-matched compatibility when a certain level of attractiveness comes into play, and THEN when the relationship doesn't work out they chalk it up to NOT being able to "have it all". What I think some people need to re-evaluate is what their "all" entails. There are plenty of attractive people that match your humor, level of intelligence, etc but if you keep forcing ish with "attractive" people that you have zip in common with of course you'd look at life that way.

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      @Amaris_Acosta: "What I HAVE noticed is some people will completely ignore obvious signs of mis-matched compatibility when a certain level of attractiveness comes into play…"

      This. The things people will put up with when dating slightly out of their league.

      • http://thesuburbanthug.WordPress.com Glip

        I spent most of my early 20s doing this. I learned alot about myself doing it though; what I’ll deal with and not, but also where I needed to work on personally. A pretty face with no chemistry is a mix for boredom and wasted time.

      • Bree

        Uncle Hugh it's not even always about dating out of your league…..as Amaris said it's about forcing something or trying to creating something that isn't there with someone based off of how good they look.
        A good example of this I think is David Justice & Halle Berry. Both very attractive equally in their own right. I don't think either one was "out of the other's league" but obviously they weren't compatible. And some of the women on Hollywood Ex's. All beautiful, (except R. Kelly's ex) and the relationships still didn't last.
        I always wonder what folks mean with this whole "out of your league" sentiment. imo that is all relative to the individual.

        • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

          EXACTLY. I have had this issue in the past- two completely "list perfect" people that just have no spark and try to force it anyway. Of course there are attractive (in a GENERAL sense- not just a "to me" sense of the term) people with smarts and great personalities-that just doesn't mean that they are for YOU. And that's fine.

        • Bree

          Cosign Amaris….my sentiments exactly.

        • Peter Parker

          I agree Bree. This "out of your league" concept is something I really don't understand. Is it really "out of my league" to want to date someone who I find attractive, has their stuff together, and is fun to be around esp. when I have the same qualities? Can someone go into more details?

        • Uncle Hugh, BP

          Bree: "I always wonder what folks mean with this whole "out of your league" sentiment. imo that is all relative to the individual."

          Exactly. That's why it's called out of your league. I can pull eights with ease (good looking, career, great personality, intelligent, etc) and nines with some effort, because I can offer the same. I may have some difficulty having Lauren London or Rosa Acosta taking me seriously though.

          Peter Parker "This "out of your league" concept is something I really don't understand. Is it really "out of my league" to want to date someone who I find attractive, has their stuff together, and is fun to be around esp. when I have the same qualities?"

          There is the key part. You're in their league if you "have the same qualities."

        • Bree

          But Hugh I thought the main thing with the whole "leagues" was based on looks. And honestly if a person is a selfish azzhole and/or their personality sucks will u stay with that person just off the strength of their personality? And if you do what does that say about you as a person?
          Hughe how do you know you couldn't pull Lauren London….hell she has a baby by Lil Wayne.
          Granted folks speculate all the time that it was strictly becaus Wayne is paid more than he weighs, but how do we really know. Nobody but her and him have any idea what attracted Lauren to Wayne, same as Jay-Z & Beyonce. And you can have the same qualities as a person and be in their league, and still not necessarily be compatible with that person. imo being in someone's league just means your both good together "on paper", but it ends there.

        • Uncle Hugh, BP

          "Hugh I thought the main thing with the whole "leagues" was based on looks."

          It can be. The appearance scale is, but not the total package. Lil Wayne by his looks is a 3, but because of his fame and fortune, he's a probably a 9 or ten.

          "And honestly if a person is a selfish azzhole and/or their personality sucks will u stay with that person just off the strength of their personality?

          I'm not talking about staying with a person, I'm talking about what league they are in. But to answer the question, no I wouldn't.

          "Hughe how do you know you couldn't pull Lauren London…."

          I don't know, and didn't say I couldn't. I would have some difficulty though, with my middle class income and decent looks if she's getting approached by Michael Ealy types with regularity.

        • monique

          Your standards for Lauren London, maybe higher than what she has for herself, I'm just sayin.

        • Bree

          how do u know u would have any difficulty pullin Lauren London? Folks always look at a person and make assumptions about what they think they would like and want based on their looks. You have no idea unless you know the person what they would like and want.
          I understand "leagues" can refer to a total package as in looks, and material things and wealth and education. But again not eveyone's wealth and status and looks define who they are.
          I was watching Angela Bofil's Unsung and was kind of surprised to see the man she was married to. He was a cruddy looking avg white man that looked like he was homeless or something, even after he was with her. She said that was the very reason she got with him. She liked him because he was the one person who had no idea who she was and what she did. He loved her for who she was, not her career, singing, success and money. They divorced because he didn't like the lifestyle of traveling and touring with her all the time.

        • Uncle Hugh, BP

          "I understand "leagues" can refer to a total package as in looks, and material things and wealth and education. But again not eveyone's wealth and status and looks define who they are."

          This is exactly what I'm saying. We're not disagreeing.

          You can be successful dating out of your league. There are loser negroes sitting on some woman's couch playing X-Box as I type this while she's hard at work with her kids in daycare. But typically speaking, guys who look like Dwight from The Office who work at Dairy Queen aren't pulling Mila Kunises. Angela Bofill is the exception, not the rule.

        • Adonis

          @Bree

          Woman's value is based on looks,
          a man's value is based on his mindset/attitude/swagger, then money, then looks…

          That is why the Lil Wayne's of the world clean up…

        • monique

          As woman, a lot of times it's what we think of ourselves that determines our selection in a mate. Like Bree said a lot of people aren't defined by their positions, possession or appearance. If you a gorgeous but don't have the highest self esteem, anyone that comes around you that confirms that negative opinion of you has a shot because he or she validate your innermost feelings about you.. Bottomline is we are all trying to find someone who validates the feelings that we have about ourselves regardless of the external ornaments we clothes are in daily.

        • monique

          As woman, a lot of times it's what we think of ourselves that determines our selection in a mate. Like Bree said a lot of people aren't defined by their positions, possessions, or appearance. If you a gorgeous but don't have the highest self esteem, anyone that comes around you that confirms that negative opinion of yourself has a shot because he or she validate your innermost feelings about you. Bottomline is we are all trying to find someone who supports/confirms the feelings that we have about ourselves regardless of the external ornaments we clothes ourselves in daily.

        • monique

          you don't think "babyhair" or whatever she calls herself is cute. She has per-son-ality so her appeal defies perimeters. The rest of the ladies are nice, typical beauties who met the status quo 20 years ago, Homegirl is a cool chick and has a fun spirit and might of inspired a many of R. Kelly hits I love, but then again its R kelly, so I don't really kno,lol. She's not racially ambigious, just a straight up around the way black girl who he decided to give more to than just a little bump and grind.

        • Bree

          Monique i just spit my icewater at that "babyhair" comment….lmbao.
          My one guy friend and I were watching the first episode together and he commented on her "bangin body." In his opinion that was a strong plus in her favor back when she was his back up dancer, and that is possibly what got her a ring.

        • monique

          She seems kinda of daring to me and even Mayte because men like R. Kelly and Prince come across as if they might not be the easies ment to accommodate. I would feel like I needed a variety of detachable orifices that come in various colors, smells, depths, and tightness to maintain their attention and even that would be pushing my luck. I guess every now and then a freak is going to need more than just a freekaleak but someone to talk to maybe even make them laugh and that's what R. Kelly ex wife probably did.

        • monique

          She seems kinda of daring to me and even Mayte because men like R. Kelly and Prince come across as if they might not be the easiest men to ccommodate. I would feel like I needed a variety of detachable orifices that come in various colors, smells, depths, and tightness to maintain their attention and even then I still would belivee I'd be pushing my luck. I guess every now and then a freak is going to need more than just a freekaleak but someone to talk to maybe even make them laugh and that's what R. Kelly ex wife probably did.

          Posting…

        • Bree

          And no I don't think that chick has a "pretty face" but she does seem mad cool and "real" and fun to hang out with.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      Agreed. I was talking to a lady-friend – I often consult with #thewomen for the other side of the story before most of my post – and we got into an argument had a heated debate about what entails settling. For example, I said if you desire 10 things in a mate and there are three guys of interest, one has 7, one has 5, one has 3 things from your list of 10. She said being with any of the three guys would be settling because none had all 10 things, so she would wait to find the man with 10. I said given that one guy is above all others, the 7, how is it settling if you went with your best offer? I say all this to say, as Amaris noted in a much more succinct comment than myself, at what point do you begin questioning the validity of your list relative to the validity of the population? This, of course, is only somewhat related to attractiveness (well, depending on the priority you have for aesthetic beauty in your mate).

      I'm sure this is something I'll expand on a in future post, but feedback welcome.

      • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

        If you want someone that meets your every list "requirement" minimum, you may want to go to Japan. You can buy one factory direct these days, batteries sold seperately.
        Otherwise, there's a difference between a REQUIREMENT and a GUIDELINE. For example, I'd PREFER men UNDER 6 feet- however all of my serious relationships have been with men OVER 6 feet. I REQUIRE my men to be able to keep up with my sense of humor (there's a madness to my method) but I'd PREFER that they are able to match me qup for quip. I REQUIRE that they are self-sufficient and would PREFER if they were settled into a career path (it's just not the kind of econony, tho). I REQUIRE that they are content with where they are in life and would PREFER that they had a mapped out life. I hope this makes sense.

        • Bree

          Amaris how is it that your getting what I want and I'm getting what you want in height???? lol
          I'm 5'1 and I like tall men over 6 ft tall. I get mostly 5'10 or 5'11 or ones that are not a whole lot taller than me, like 5'4 or 5'7. We need trade, I'll take all those tall men….*wink*
          And what u said makes perfect sense…..to me anyway…*smile*

        • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta @Amaris_Acosta

          You are FIVE FOOT ONE INCH and want a dude a foot taller than you??/ For the purpose of what???
          I mean, I don't rule dudes out over something as superficial as height, I just won't overlook an unattractive face because of it. When a friend told me I was crazy for liking short guys I told her "6ft+ men make up like 14% of the population. They won't miss me if I don't chase them specifically because their height".
          You could be Idris Elba tall or Kevin Hart short to me, if I find you attractive I find you attractive.**shrug**

        • Bree

          lol…..Amaris we all like what we like. As short as I am, ironically I don't feel all that short unless I look in the mirror at myself standing next to a very tall person. I've dated and have been in more relationships with shorter men because thats what I attract. Personally though, I've always found men 6 ft tall and up very attractive and sexy. I like tall, any complexion, and handsome.

    • Bree

      Preach Amaris…..cosign on that.

    • Adonis

      Chuuch!!!

  • Muze

    been there. waiting for the one to be ready and meeting someone that is ready are two very different things. i say go with the one who you don't have to wait to ripen. after dating men who were basically Husbands On A Platter and Paper, i promised myself i wouldn't date anyone just because they liked me and looked good on paper anymore. connection and chemistry is important. and if he happens to look good on paper (which he does) then fine.
    My recent post Beautiful, and Other Thoughts.

    • WisdomIsMisery

      waiting for the one to be ready and meeting someone that is ready are two very different things

      MESSAGE!

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      *sigh* How much does that suck though. Really. What does that say about me as a person.

      Of course he's ready he's older and been preparing for it. That has to be the most disrespectful move I could ever pull. It's the equivalent of kissing Jack's hand and watching him sink to the bottom of the ocean…..when he's still alive. *watches my life float by* *intentionally drowns the lesser man* I kinda agree with you though I just don't have that much bite to me. Getting the woman by default of age and maturity. How does one trust a woman like that after the fact and what if I get rejected and I have to live with myself knowing my loyalty was so easily dissolved. Let me not find out I'm capable of leaving a man who isn't perfect at all times and have it backfire in my face. Leaving a man because his age is flawed. Nevermind his extraordinary development as a person. It's so inherently selfish but in my mind that is exactly what I'm telling myself. I feel like my character is being tested.

  • http://thesuburbanthug.WordPress.com Glip

    1 & 2 are vitally important to acknowledge. All are good points though. Lets be real, if we aren’t attracted to who weare with, then why be with them? Good hearts is all gravy, but if looking at them gets hard after a while, ish shall get real, quickly.

    5 is also tough because we gotta watch who we seek counsel from. Some in our caravan may just be bitter and full of animus. The best.thing to do, as was pointed out is seek professional, and even godly counsel.

  • Bree

    Glip I think once people grow mentally, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually to a higher level and more sensible way of thinking they can graduate to being attracted to a person who may not be a 10 on the societal standard of beauty scale. My grandpop told me I would acquire a taste for more healthier fruits and veggies as I got older and he was very right. I liken it to that……beginning to love the taste of fruits and veggies and all the things that are good for you.

    • Peter Parker

      This is very true. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who I may find attractive, the next man may think otherwise. I would be lying if I didn't agree with #2. I mean she doesn't have to be a 10, but she has to have a cute face. I always felt I can exercise and workout with my girl to get her in better shape, but a pretty face if priceless…

      • Bree

        Exactly Peter, but some men go for a nice body. It's different for each person. Everyone has their own individual preference. There is no right or wrong, just whatever is right for you.

  • The Analyst

    4. Evaluate The Market

    You’re not going to stop being attracted to hot women just because you’re in a relationship.

    I was talking to my (happily) married friend about this recently. I believe a lot of men are waiting for this magical point in their life when they will suddenly stop desiring or being attracted to any and all other women, then and only then can they finally commit to one woman. My married friend informed me this is stupid.

    ^^^ Really took me like a decade and some change to learn this lesson. Probably one of the most exceptional breakthroughs I've ever had as a man. Not only are you attracted to other women, they seem to get SEXIER. Must be the "forbidden cookie" aura of women you can't have. I've really just learned how to make peace with this. I thought I was supposed to have tunnel vision or something…once I learned I wasn't, I swear life got exponentially better lol

  • Streetz

    #2 is the god Honest truth. People front a lot though

  • YeahDotDotDot

    #2 seems to be the point of controversy…So, if #1,#3,#4,#5, & #6 are 9 or more on the scale, then #2 <5 will bring the whole relationship to a 0?

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      Maybe it doesn't bring the whole relationship to a zero, but it will take a hit. Belle dating the Beast works in the Disney movie, but not necessarily in real life.