And that’s pretty much how the story goes about 95% of the time. That’s why a couple weeks ago when Anderson Cooper came out, we all said, “Good for him.” When Frank Ocean came out, we all raved for him on Twitter. Privately, most men would agree we all said the same thing: “It’s great to see all these women in support of Frank Ocean, they’re not dating him though.”
Honestly, I don’t know how women who are currently sleeping with or have slept with him in the past few months felt about him coming out of the closet. However, in my opinion, there’s a 95% chance that she didn’t like it one bit. She felt that she had been lied to. She felt that somehow he found her inadequate. She felt embarrassed. She felt ashamed. And moreover, she felt like she couldn’t ever tell a soul.
“Hey girl, remember when I said I hooked up with Frank Ocean in Vegas last summer? That was a lie. Yeah, I’m just feeling like being honest. I saw him in VIP, but we didn’t really have sex. I was just chilling at his hotel room.”
That’s the problem with this “on the low” phenomenon. Publicly, since we’re all radically liberal on Twitter, we rave. Privately, we’re faced with those things that we really believe. It’s easy for women to support a brother coming out of the closet when they’re not with him. I’ve witnessed it with couples that I knew very well. Only once have I witnessed a woman who didn’t walk away with her head held down or frustrated. In that case, she admitted to herself that she kind of knew all along and just continued to lie to herself because he was a great guy. All the others have gone like this:
- She wanted all her male friends to beat his ass. (Not realizing this would be viewed as a hate crime because you can’t just go around beating up gay men.)
- She disappeared off the face of the earth and never returned. She took down her Facebook and changed her phone number. There’s no record that she exists and no one has a clue where she went.
- She beat his ass like he was riding round with Keisha and broke the news in his Altima.
- She passed out. Yes… I witnessed a girl pass the hell out when she found out. It wasn’t because she had the Holy Ghost either, it was because she found out her boyfriend was on fire and it wasn’t for Jesus.
I’m sure if all of those women could have the relationship back, they would take it back in a heartbeat. Nobody likes to carry around a learning lesson like that. It just makes me think of the larger female audience out there who’s looking for men to date — straight men to date. They’re struggling with this and while we’re becoming more accepting as a society, this is still a point of contention. My personal opinion is that it’s less about the homosexuality and more about the lying. Women aren’t upset because men are gay. They’re upset because men are gay and purporting themselves as straight. Focusing on the real problem might lead us to middle ground.
– Dr. J
I’d be interested to hear your thoughts on the “down low” brother. Do you think it’s unfair to women? Do you think it should be the man’s choice for how he wants to play it? Are you comfortable with men who are dating on both sides of the fence, provided their honest with both? A few things about today. I’m not going to argue with anyone unless you act crazy and I have to go all moderator on you. I know this can be a sensitive topic. Additionally, I’m not homophobic and I’m comfortable in who I am as a heterosexual male. That said, these are my thoughts. I sleep through the night.
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