Around the Web: Bored Moms Turn to Drugs & Affairs

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Typically, the face of cheating is male. Also, the face of being too old for the club is male. A new article suggests that in addition to men, an increasing number of women are doing the same. I’ve always wondered how women who are robbed of their twenties because of children and the duties of being a wife cope. I guess this is one way. Personally, i’ve never wanted to put my wife in a position where she feels so regressed that she acts out. I remember watching the movie, Unfaithful, when I was in college and I knew that no matter what I did, I would never let that happen to me. *fingers crossed*

Nonetheless, here are two excerpts from the article and a link to the entire article. Enjoy.

In a shocking article on TheAwl.com, author and mother Amy Sohn writes that moms in her affluent Brooklyn neighborhood are going through something called “the 40-year-old reversion.” The tedium of raising children, she says, is driving moms in her circle out at night to party to the extreme as if they were 25 again.

Sohn likens the scene to the HBO show “Girls,” which depicts life in New York for the post-college crowd: “…We’re masturbating excessively, cheating on good people, doing coke in newly price-inflated townhouses, and sexting compulsively—though rarely with our partners. Our children now school-aged, our marriages entering their second decade, we are avoiding the big questions—Should I quit my job? Have another child? Divorce?—by behaving like a bunch of crazy twentysomething hipsters. Call us the Regressives.”

Later in the article, the author points to the story below. Although the article references the show, Mad Men. I couldn’t  help but think, “well… well… well… so it’s not just the men this time, is it?”

When having dinner at a pub in Montclair, New Jersey, my girlfriend, a local, started pointing out patrons she knew who were at the bar cheating on their spouses. They were all parents and none of them seemed to be looking over their shoulders. Later she introduced me to a couple with kids who decided to make their marriage an open one after the wife’s affair with a neighbor was exposed.

Perhaps it’s not so hard to see how some of this happens. To save money on sitters, it’s often just one parent who goes out. After a few rounds at the bar, mom might start to actually feel a little on the single side. And her susceptibility to do something nutty might correlate to the challenging — even desperate — day she had.

While I’ve not made out with a bartender or snorted cocaine off the back of a toilet seat recently, there has definitely been some less-than-honorable after-dark behavior since I became a mother. Sometimes you’ve just got to blow off a bit of parental steam.

You can check out the whole article here.

 

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  • Adonis

    Just say NO to drugs. Yes to $ex

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  • Nicole

    I went through this but only after i gave up everything ang ws a good wife but he ended up abusing our son. I was supportive, worked two jobs, kept myslef up etc. The whole situation shattered my world and made me rethink what I had given up: my youth. I got married when I was 19 and never looked back.

    i came from a abusive back ground and didn't want to go through this. So I acted out. I statred hitting the clubs and doing everything my single co workers were doing. i was in shock. I havent been the same since. I think marriage varies from couple to couple but one ting im sure of. Women who get married young can sometimes feel and get taken for granted by their spouse.

  • Larry

    Hmm…interesting.

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  • velvet

    I am a black married female,whom feels very lonely all of the tme. My husband and I dont even sllep together anymore. I am an accomplished female with a great career. He sleeps down the hall way. He never has anything to say to me. If he does say anything it is negativity. I have been trying to make our marriage work no luck so far. He just pushes me away in every way. Just a month ago I had purchased concert tickets for the both of us. Who goes to sleep at a concert? Yes he had went sound asleep at the concert. He stated, "At least I was there I should had appreciated him being there." I need advice I should not feel the way that I feel "single."

    • fromcletodal

      I suggest therapy for the two of you. It sounds like the love is gone between the two of you and you have to finf out how to get it back. Good luck to the both of you

    • Adonis

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  • Witisizem

    Some of those women actually believed the lies they were fed. That the natural order of womanhood and adulthood was getting married and having kids. That settling down means settling in a life that wasn’t necessarily compatible with who they are: their hopes, dreams, and desires.

    The examples in that story were interesting, to say the least. Regressing is equivalent to acting like a 25 year old? Sorry, I’ve never done lines of coke on a toilet seat or cheated on a lover. Age doesn’t bring you maturity, personal growth does. If at 40 you realize your life choices have led you to a life you don’t want, whose fault is it? Your partners? Your kids? “The Man’s”? Spare me.

    Thoughtless action is part of the reason these people are now seeking what they think are “exciting” lives. With no introspection of their part, the women in this story did what society told them, even if it was against their true personalities. Society told them to get married? They got married. Society told them your marriage isn’t complete without a kid or two? They reproduced. Now they are “complete,” according to what culture dictates, but then those people start realizing what society dictates goes against who THEY are. They aren’t selfless, society just told them to act selfless in order to fit in.

    Of course, with these wild examples there are people that get married and have children fully aware of what they’re doing. Those people also have balance in their lives because they’ve thought their actions through. Marriage and/or parenthood were true desires or goals for those type of people. It just seems the women in this article are walking through life blindly.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    Drugs and chex for excitement? At any age?

    I guess people don't like amusement parks, girls night at real restaurants, girls getaways, and such anymore, smh.

    …never knew living reckless was "fun"…especially when you have so much to lose. *shrugs*

  • krystllyght

    Wow. I can't believe I missed this yesterday. I haven't hit forty yet so I can't tell you if all of this will happen but I'll tell you I'm leaning on the no side of this happening. It's just not me. I can say that I am very aware that I "sacrificed youth" for marriage and kids. So far 2008 seems to be my wild year. I was 24 and my friend couldn't believe I'd never been to a club so she dragged me out for our birthday. I went to the club a total of six maybe seven times that year and haven't been back since. I liked having somewhere to dress cute for. *shrug* I still enjoy meeting and talking to new people though and that's satisfied with visiting blogs. No harm no foul.
    I feel the need to point out though, that some women have certain feelings about marrying later in life, their lives a poop if they don't get married before thirty or some nonsense. If you don't marry until your'e thirty-five or so then what these women in this article are going through may very well pass over you. Just a thought.

  • Alakaii Hawaii

    Well, now that men can admit the club's full of alcoholic hipsters, drug addicts and adulterers and that you are the company you keep, maybe they'll stop contributing to the phenomena. In order to represent you have to be the most prevalent, most recognizable force. Not a good look. Anyway," I’ve always wondered how women who are robbed of their twenties because of children and the duties of being a wife cope. I guess this is one way. Personally, i’ve never wanted to put my wife in a position where she feels so regressed that she acts out."

    I'm pretty sure my whole life's been mastering every craft mortally possible so that when I become a woman I'll be docile and when I become a wife I'll have dormant skills at my disposal and when I become a mother my children can soak up the aura. It wasn't fun nor was it a crowded journey to partake in life. Really, there's nothing to cope with though. I love myself. There's loneliness and emptiness — that's not something you cope with it's something you accept. I can understand going backwards in life to enjoy frivolous stuff though. My version of youth is pretty cool.

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      I said I'd party hop for a honeymoon; have an opera coach hone my vocal range, write and record an album of seductive, sultry songs; progress the natural sensuality and grace of my body by becoming a professional level contemporary dancer; and become the personal performer of my husband per his request. 'Exotic Ballerina: Prima Donna First Edition' It'll be fun having a full blown personal stage for a home I really wouldn't need to risk OD'ing on ecstasy to cope. Our whole lifetime is riddled with fun, adventerous stuff of dreams passed. Maybe that's how I "cope". I am pretty bored though. I haven't acted out. yet. I've come close to it. I need someone to get me out of here. There's too much tension in my body and it's making me sick.

      "Open the door for me" is pretty weighted on many, MANY levels and interpretations. I'm practically crying in desire for marriage. It feels like my soul is burning and it's rather agonizing.

      • CPT Callamity

        Sometimes I really wonder what you are talking about.

        • Alakaii Hawaii

          Sometimes I really wonder if I'll still be alive when people finally figure it out.

        • Alakaii Hawaii

          In any event, he said he was wondering how bored mothers/wives cope with having taken on that responsibility in their twenties so I told him I definitely don't do drugs or get reckless at the club but I prefer to think of myself as a personal performer for my future husband which allows me to develop a personal form of performing arts. It really isn't that hard to understand but I appreciate you wondering about it. =p

          But the overall gist of what I was saying is, it's possible to cope just by perfecting yourself, stay at home and make yourself a craft — even though there really is nothing to cope with and there's no need to be out and about doing reckless, dangerous things that require bad, horrible decision-making. Let men do that. Don't joint them. Someone has to be the better person.

  • bree

    I think it depends on your marriage and who your married to.
    I remember hearing about a lady my former cowrker knew who was married in her mid 30's and decided to be a stripper because she was bored and just wanted to try something new. I guess where men buy brand new 2 seater sports cars, go to the gym and work out, go to the club and try to get play from young hot women, and stuff like that when they are goin thru a mid-life crisis, women party and bullsh**.
    Some people grow up too fast for their own good and feel the need to recapture what they feel they missed in their youth. It's not a good look though when your doing that and your not so youthful anymore, your older and married with children.

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