I’m wasting your time, to say I’m straight, I’d be lying
It’s either you or this music but I can’t make up my mind
I’d throw you a line, I’d give you a sign
Right now I’m through with the trying, I think you ready to fly
I settle for less so when I’m tired of stress
I go through with the motions pretending I’m at my best
Fall victim to flesh, I live to be fresh
But this ain’t what I expect because my life is a wreck
I run out of breath cuz I ain’t taking the steps
Money comes and it goes ’til family’s all I got left
I’m seeing my growth, but I’m still from myself
You’ll be hollering out next because you’re ready to fly
I can’t find the words so you’ll just fill in the blanks
I’m doing the norm and not what it takes
I’ll keep folding my cards and you’ll keep raising the stakes
‘Til we forget about us and what we have is too late
Big K.R.I.T. – Red Eye
I’m a huge fan of Big K.R.I.T. This isn’t the time for an album review or a deep dive into who he is, maybe we’ll do that another day. It’s about this song on the 4Eva N A Day mixtape, Red Eye. What connects me most with K.R.I.T. is that he spends time talking about real issues that affect the everyday man. Despite his success, he hasn’t lost it and started talking about hopping out of vans and misremembering women’s names. (Yes, that was a shot.) The first time I listened to this song, I might have played it over and over again for a day. (I’m one of those people who can listen to a song all the way to the club on my headphones in the back of the car.) It was one of the first times that a song really connected with me. My struggle with ambition and relationships doesn’t lead me to desire meaningless relationships with women I meet along the way. My struggle causes me to wonder if I’m holding the woman back, or not giving her everything she needs, and makes me wonder if I should let her go. My struggle makes me wonder if sometimes I’m chasing the wrong things. One of these days all the money will be gone and I’m not going to want to be alone at that time. I can’t shake that feeling that I’m laid up on my death bed with all my goals achieved, but I’m alone. Anyway, it’s a struggle, and it isn’t a beautiful one.
Women find themselves attracted to a man who’s got a lot going for himself and isn’t lazy about chasing his goals, but then find themselves in competition with those very things that she found attractive. I wrote this article on Bitchie Life about men not wanting to date an Ambitious Girl, it wasn’t about myself, I was just pointing out a common misconception. Not too many of us have it in us to date someone with a lot on their plate. Not seeing each other every week or only exchanging text messages once a day isn’t really something everyone can do. In my mind, if she’s not happy with what I got on the plate, don’t push other things off that plate. It’s my promise to her that as I finish eating, she can have the free space on that plate. At the same time that she might feel squished, I’m eating as fast as I can and that’s why I’m busy.
Being happy is the goal, but greatness is my vision
And all these girls are thinking they compete with my ambition
But baby I am different
This sh*t is my life
And if you don’t believe me, you can never be wife
Childish Gambino – I’m Alright
A good friend of mine told me the other day that we make time for what we want to make time for, but does that mean I have to give up on what I want in my future for today? And while we try to find ways to balance the two, is she jousting for position between my future and my now? When women force men into tough decisions about choosing her or their dreams, they sometimes render themselves optional. I’ve never understood how to respond to, “you make time for what you want to make time for.” I always thought the answer might hurt her feelings. “Yes, I’m focused on getting myself out this position of right now that ain’t where I want to be.” I feel like, most men and women are going to choose happiness over a relationship. That’s how people end up divorced or resenting their partner. When I get in my feelings I might say, I’d rather be single, than broke. That’s not true. What is true is this: as long as I have my happiness, my momma is always going to love me. Ironically, the first relationship that many of us experience with the opposite sex is with their mother or father. It is also the one that teaches you if someone loves you, they want you to be happy.
And family is everything and money is less important
Long as your mama love you, don’t ever love a woman
I got a lot of b*tches, they got a lot of feelings
But I got that green on my eyes
And that ain’t no Donnie Simpson
Wale – Ambition
Here’s my perspective, don’t make me choose. Why can’t we both find ways to be great? In the podcast today, I spoke about how the most attractive women to me are those that motivate me to be better, to grow, and to achieve. That’s how women can make it work. As the man, I’m willing to communicate often and frequently. I don’t agree with the notion of constantly reminding a woman that she is important to me or that I make her a priority. Women sometimes have relationship amnesia and they need to hear it way more than it really needs to be said. However, a conversation needs to occur at some point where I firmly tell her that outside of my busy life of work and ambition, when it comes to people, she’s my first priority. She’s actually the first person I want to see when I have time away from business. She has to learn to hang her hat on that, and be proud of it, rather than competing with non-human things like goals, ambition, and a hustle. That, to me, seems odd.
I, on the other hand, have to learn to stop losing so much sleep over this.
So if you’re ready to fly, just forget about me
But if you’re willing to try, then I’m willing to leap
Out of the window of pain and fall in love at your feet
I ain’t the man you want me to be
I guess that’s what’s been bothering me
Big K.R.I.T. – Red Eye
New mix from Carver The Great: