How Do Women Intimidate Men?

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you MUST chill!

As some of you know, I have my own site aside from SBM. Streetztalk is my creative writing space full of awesome randomness. I neglected it for a bit, but I’m back and I’m doing the #30in30 series. This series features 30 posts in 30 days from the writer on their site. Day 2 was on the 3 ways in which women can intimidate men. Since you are my fam, I’m going to drop some bonus reasons here! Enjoy!

As men, we have a lot of pride. We will have faith in ourselves and believe that no circumstance is too large for us to overcome. We also believe that we can win with women effortlessly. This is false, as no one is ever 100% successful with women or even 100% confident. Men can be intimidated by women for many reasons.

Your Level Of Success And Ambition

To me, there is nothing better than a goal driven woman. She knows where she wants to go in life, and how to get there. For those that already have attained that success, you exude a confidence that I admire. For men, this could give them pause. In society, men have commonly been known as the bread winners. They support the family monetarily and with all the common “man tasks”. Some men could look at a successful woman as a threat to their status quo. They may feel that success in a relationship is similar to the rules of Highlander: There can only be one. To have two successful people in a relationship may bring about a power struggle that they don’t want to see. This can also be a bit of self consciousness with men. When men approach women, they feel like no one can deter them from their goal. They have a good job, car, house, etc. No debates on their quality. Then they show interest in a woman who by all accounts is just as successful or more. That’s when they may get nervous. They may feel inadequate based off of a woman’s accomplishments, or may have reservations about dealing with a woman who makes more money than them. When men can get over themselves and see the benefits of having someone equally or more successful than you, then they will realize the error of their ways. The feelings are natural but it shouldn’t stop you from interaction with successful women.

Your Attitude

If your attitude is stuck up, conceited, or disagreeable, not only will some men be intimidated, they won’t be interested. Yes ladies, I know you place that mean mug on your face daily to avoid the 50-11 advances from the unwashed masses, but some of us are cool. Take a peek out of the corner of your eye before you reject us like Dikembe Mutombo. Ask your girls for references like we all know y’all do in the club when a man approaches you, or hops behind you for an unsolicited dance. What you transmit in non verbal communication can be reciprocated negatively as well. This not only applies to random interaction, but everywhere else. In the workplace, at the gym, at the store, where ever! Just know that you miss out on some cool gentlemen due to a bad attitude.

Check out the rest of the article on StreetzTalk HERE!

SBM Nation Discuss: What ways to women intimidate men? Where does the fault lie? Any exceptions to the rule?

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  • Steve

    A successful women for some men, as myself, as sexy. Showing that she has a lot going for herself. It also adds that shes not just any basic/simple chick ,thats looking for a man to lift them on their feet. This is an individual whose has goals in life. I have a girlfriend who is currently in Law school, works at a law firm and courthouse. And a sister who just started her first year in Dental school. Both in grad schools, but both doing their own thing . I think a man who might find this to be intimidating, is just a man whose afraid to put in the same amount of work. Seeing where they are in life now just motivates to seek more for myself, than do just bitch or stay content with anything.

    • jackson

      Sadly, My girlfriend and me broke up a month ago. yeah.. i’m young ,handsome,lonely and still hurting.i may be in need of someone to love..still..My friends told me about cougarkissing_ C0M and i got curious about it.. they met their girlfriends there.,It’s the best place to meet a older girlfriend . i cant risk myself..So i got a usename(Qcdude) there in order to find a new girlfriend .Is it wrong?Jessica Simpson is fighting the battle of the post-baby bulge, a process she says is slower than she expected.

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

    I had a similar discussion with WC about this once. In Adonis terms, I actually agree that a man has every right to want a ‘beta’ woman as a woman does to desire an ‘alpha’ male. Some men want to lead, not partner or compete (in some cases). Some women want to be lead or at least have a man they know could lead if they wanted them too. I just think it’s funny the word “intimidation” gets bantered about when it might really just be more about preferences. If a woman wants to be all she can be and successful and all that, I respect and encourage her to do so. Some men will not be ok with that – and I think that’s their right too.

    Personally, Im not intimidated by successful women because that isn’t what I, as a man, am specifically checking for. A woman that makes me happy will always supersede a woman that is successful and does not. This is not always the same woman, which again, I think is a matter of preference. Plus, success in and of itself is subjective. I desire a successful woman just like I desire a pretty woman but I won’t be with a pretty successful woman if she’s not my type in other areas.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      I’d also like to add that some of the exact same characteristics that make people successful are the exact same characteristics that make them undesirable (workaholics, self centered, driven to a fault, etc etc). This goes for men and women.

      ….just sayin

      • http://twitter.com/sabadaga @sabadaga

        lol, people who are not succesful have also many characteristics that make them undesirable like ( laziness, negativism etc etc ). I just think that men who are intimitaded by successful women, are just insecured.

        • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

          Agreed. I find these discussions generally strange. I don’t invest a lot of time trying to figure out why people who don’t like me don’t like me.

  • Poetic Justice

    Concerning a woman's attitude, a few exceptions come to mind. I have several male friends that are attracted to women that are stuck up and disagreeable… they call them fiesty chicks. I don't really understand this attraction but I have witnessed the phenomenon with my own eyes. The calm even-tempered female gets put in the friend zone (because "You're too nice") and is passed up for the feisty chick but then finds herself comforting the same dude after he got stomped on by the man-eater.
    I think sometimes males mistake nice girls for having a lack of passion or think they're prudish….quite the contrary…..so I guess don't let nice girls intimidate you either!

    • http://twitter.com/futuresatellite @futuresatellite

      Very true. I guess we can't win. *sigh*

  • Alakaii Hawaii

    Being intimidated by my level of success and ambition. is understandable. I wouldn’t even say succes; it was something I did to pass the time until I got into a relationship and I just happened to be good at it. It made me confident in my attributes as a helpmate I guess you could say. My ambitions….I’m. Hm. I would be content in a relationship if a man were to allow me the room and freedom to take care of myself and develop the parts of me I hide or tuck away or withdraw from. and once I’m better I know for a fact I have expensive taste, I like quality things, I wanna have the means to explore the upper echelons of life. That’s just my personal wants in life. So I wanna equip him with a path to provide for me and that path is a very ambitious one. but in and of myself all I really care about is having a loving home and taking care of myself. and lol @ the attitude portion. It made me laugh really hard out loud because I have a nortoriously salty attitude for exactly that reason. It really helps deter the wrong kind of men. I’m actually rather frail and sensitive and the way it feels to be around men who are attracted to me feels very….one sided power struggle with someone I have no comfort level with when in a scary world by myself. My attitude makes me feel safe. Protected.

    I definitely don’t think men are intimidated by my attractiveness because I put so much effort into being as visually unappealing as possible. I don’t leave my house until I feel like my outfit is ill fitting enough to hide my body and will draw the least attention but men still look like they’re visibly having a debate in their heads about approaching. Like I’m somehow loudly ringing a dinner bell in my satin sweatpants and sneakers. It makes me feel like I’m not fully aware of my sexuality or how I come off. like I don’t know myself very well. I’ve been going through old pictures and home videos. I can admit there’s a very subtly alluring look to me but it’s the effortless sexuality that makes me *feel* beautiful. Seeing myself there’s an almost seductive, graceful quality even though it’s hard for me to perceive myself as attracting a man. when I’m trying so hard not to. Diamond in the rough. I’ll take that. I will be a very gorgeous girl with a little effort but I think maybe men are looking at my future and not the reality of who’s infront of them in the present. It makes me uncomfortable like….they’re fantasizing infront of my face and I’m trying to be realistic about how I look. I really don’t think I’m an intimidating beauty. I think I don’t know I’m beautiful and I’m clearly not comfortable within my sexuality so men don’t really like trying to talk to me when I’m clearly causing him to feel some sort of way. and then they hesitate.

    You don’t wanna say the wrong thing….so just be honest. I respond well to men who say what they like and what they love and what his intentions are and most of the time I’ll respond favorably to that because I want him to know upfront what he’s essentially inheriting within a relationship with me. I wanna have a very serious, very honest conversation and I’m most comfortable when we both put ourselves out there on the table. My whole issue with doing that though is, because I inherently feel some kind of way about my life and I’ve been internalizing all my grief — I’ve been pretty much a mute about everything since I was young — so even though I wanna deal with it I don’t think dealing with it here is very safe. and when men approach me I feel a sense of wanting to tell the truth and I feel like ‘get me out of here’ everytime I’m around someone who shows interest, because I feel in such a precarious spot. All I can do is whisper an honest conversation heavy with a sense of urgency. but all my energy is being put into intimidating men out of fooling around with me. I really am not one for small talk and genuinely liking me doesn’t mean much. I need you to come to me prepared to be the acting man of my life. Talk to me as if we’re already partners and we’re discussing major life decisions. It makes me feel natural. Submissive and safe with you.

    • betobe

      You just wrote an essay on bs and all I did was read the first line………..

  • kelic

    I have had a guy or two tell me that they found me intimidating, and I have learned it's almost impossible to date such guy.
    My recent post Ten Ways to KNOW If You’ve Met Your Soul Mate

  • msb616

    I usually read through posts like these and roll my eyes but the subtitle underneath your image is disheartening b/c I've been told this by men. The idea that "women can do it" doesn't make a man less of a man. It just means we can do it–"it" being whatever we want IT to be. When we seek our ambitions or explore the world, we're not trying to be men or replace them. We're trying to live our lives in the best way possible–like everyone should.

    I don't know if it's learned behavior for men to feel scared or if it's natural, but to me it seems like the problem isn't a woman's ambition–it's the man's levels of maturity. Therefore, don't tell women to chill..tell men to grow up.

  • Maris

    Dunno…I kinda think the entire term “intimidatied” is pure-dy bullsh!t. Like when a woman says “but we can be friends”, it’s just a consolation prize dreamed up by the rejector to soften the blow of “not interested” to the rejectee. Now I DO believe that the term”intimidated” can be interchanged with “more effort required than I was willing to invest”. Sometimes a man sees pretty woman, wants to sleep with pretty woman, approaches pretty woman…and realizequickly due to her [degrees, intelligence, classiness, job station, whatever] that Game Basic 1.0 won’t work…and abandons ship for the Nikki Minaj-abee on the opposite side of the room, as that’s not what he was looking for that night.
    Case in point, my sister is an RN, BSN…at 23. I am a ‘Nada, Zilch’ in the degree dept. We look about the same age walking down the street, but my sister, with an Ivy league degree, gets pursued by infinitely more men than myself…because she is more approachable to the average ‘urban’ male. I, for example, staunchly refuse to code-switch. She does. I do not wear sneakers unless I plan to be active-she STAYS in 54-11′s off work. I don’t own a TV, she is well-versed in LHHATL. Neither is better or worse-just different (plus, she’s TWENTY-THREE). However, I have literally seen men do the half-second assesment and move on to my sis with a quickness-I just don’t look like I’ll entertain a “Nah mean” type of dude, and she’s at that stage in her life where she will. Which is fine, but women really have to look at it as them doing you a favor. Yes, there are things we can do to be ore approachable/agreeable, but if you are not true to yourself & your standards you might get head-butted the day you figure out you can’t tolerate it anymore, lol.

  • Peter Parker

    Yeah I find a woman who is about her business and enjoys success such as myself to be a "sexy" characteristic. I have never felt intimated by a woman with these characteristics and I actually only seek women who strive for the best in all they do in life. It's a win win situation. When looking at a relationship or marriage, I think like a GM of a franchise. It's all about building a successful TEAM. To me, that's all a relationship really is. Case in point, just like at the Obamas, who for me demonstrate a marriage or better yet, a TEAM that is WINNING!

  • DeKeLa

    I don't think the majority of men are intimidated, especially if they are on the track of success themselves. We may be somewhat apprehensive, because we were raised with the belief that we should be the breadwinners and subconsciously kill our chances, but we don't "fear" these women.

    Most guys I know don't really rank the women's success high on the priority list, it's an additional bonus, and the mindframe of a woman honed to making it to the top, just doesn't' garner the same attraction in men.

    To each his own.

  • 1prettyorchid

    I never really understood why some men are intimidated by women who are successful. But then again, Im not a man. I dont have racks on racks on racks but I have a house, car, job etc. Its not that Im so rich that I can afford these things; I had drive and determination. We all have it. So if women are not acting like Grade A divas, dont be intimated. If she is trying to help not hinder you, dont be intimidate. Tuck your balls back in your pants and get on her level… or close to it.

    Attitudes.. ugh. I hate we have this stereotype. Women are gonna have attitudes. Some women like me.. dont. Some men like it.. some dont. Ever heard of the book, " Why Men Like B*tches?" To each its own.