5 Steps to Approaching a Woman

You’ll get turned down by 100% of the women you don’t approach.

Since most women are firmly against approaching men, they don’t know the terrifying joy of walking up to a complete stranger and trying to convince them you are worthy of their time. To be successful in dating, a man must be a salesman, a public speaker, and a preacher. We have a small window of time to convince the woman of our dreams that we’re not just another man trying to get in her jeans. While the final outcome is usually seamless to the woman, there are in fact 5 very distinct steps to how men approach women.

STEP 1: SPOT YOUR PREY

If we’re lucky this happens as early in the process as possible. This gives us time to observe your style and grace. How many guys do you turn down before we arrive. Were you mean while doing it? How many drinks are these guys buying you? Are you getting sloppy? Are you carrying yourself like a lady in the streets or a freak in the sheets? How are you dressed? How does your face, breasts, hair, nails, legs, feet and shoes look?

STEP 2: THE DECISION

Having answered all these questions and more we decide whether to approach or not. If we’re in a group, we might consult with our hype / wing man. His whole purpose is to convince us of the following: 1) we can successfully get your number; 2) tell us “that you ain’t that fine anyway”; 3) distract the least attractive girl in the group so she doesn’t hate on the rest of us having a good time. This is also known as “taking one for the team.” The conversation might go like this…

Guy 1: What do you think of that girl over there?
Guy 2: She’s fine.
Guy 1: She probably stuck up.
Guy 2: Only one way to find out.
Guy 1: Nah, I’ma chill.
Guy 2: So you’re going to be a punk?
Guy 1: *is forced to approach in order to prove he is not a punk*

Without a hype / wingman, you are left to hype / wingman yourself, a more difficult yet not impossible process. Usually this involves convincing yourself you’ve pulled finer or hype yourself into a confident fury, which often climaxes in a mental chorus of current ratchet popular song lyrics, like “TWO CHAINNSSSS, FOUR BRACELETS…”

STEP 3: THE APPROACH

There are few things more awkward on this Earth than walking across a crowded room to approach a woman. There’s no telling what will happen on the other end of that journey. You have no idea what kind of day or state of mind this strange woman is in. You might be the chalk outline on the opening credit of The First 48 simply because you caught the wrong woman on the wrong day. Conversely…read more.

What do you think fellas? Are there any other steps/stages? What are some rules or techniques you use to build up the courage to approach a woman or does it come naturally? Are 2012 women still against approaching men? WHY?!? In all honesty though, I was like 25 before I had the brass (shout-out to Bill Clinton) to randomly cold-approach a strange woman…that is, of course, within 3-feet of me first. Rules is rules.

From Our Partners

  • http://inanimatethoughts.blogspot.com Animate

    I've never been one to just approach women. I find that a more general "talk to anyone that is around" technique worked better for me. If a glimmer of a vibe wasn't there no biggie and no real rejection.
    My recent post Murci, Murci Me

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      this is me as well, for the most part i'm approached (something about me apparently makes even the shyest woman think he's #slightwork) or I crack a one liner here and there and see who bites. The times i have been goaded to approach it's always awkward and free entertainment for the team back at the table

    • jackson

      Sadly, My girlfriend and me broke up a month ago. yeah.. i'm young ,handsome,lonely and still hurting.i may be in need of someone to love..still..My friends told me about cougarkissing_ C0M and i got curious about it.. they met their girlfriends there.,It's the best place to meet a older girlfriend . i cant risk myself..So i got a usename(Qcdude) there in order to find a new girlfriend .Is it wrong?Jessica Simpson is fighting the battle of the post-baby bulge, a process she says is slower than she expected.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    i think the 2012 woman is warming up to approaching, especially in the hater era where public perception has little to no effect anymore. Before women would see approaching as a sign of desperation and now they just don't care too much.
    My recent post Today’s word is… INTIMIDATION

  • cynicaloptmst81

    "Since most women are firmly against approaching men.."

    I am FIRMLY in this number, lol. Nuh uh, no way, no how!!!!! I tried it once when I was 8. The results were so bad I've NEVER told anyone, lol. At 31, I'm still embarrassed by it, no lie! The only people that know about it were the people there. I feel for you brothas…its a cruel world out there.

    Men go after what they want. Pick what you want from the bunch that wants you. Prayerfully, its a win-win, lol.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      8?!? LMAOOO

      • cynicaloptmst81

        I didn't leave out a 1 or a 2, LMBO!

        I was 8…and it was…just…horrible, lol. HORRIBLE, smh. lol

    • krystllyght

      8 tho? Now you know you have to dish! lol lol

      • cynicaloptmst81

        NEVER! LMBO!

    • http://inanimatethoughts.blogspot.com Animate

      8? lol I promise times have changed.
      My recent post Murci, Murci Me

      • cynicaloptmst81

        *peeks from around the corner*

        I don't believe you!!!!!! LOL!

        Honestly, I really think that men appreciate what they work for…and chasing on day 1 just sets a sista back further than I'd ever want to be from the jump.

        • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

          Thats strange. I actually like/prefer straight forward women. If you like me, tell me. If you don’t, tell me that too. I hate the ‘guessing game.’ I dont feel one way or the other if a woman approaches me or squirts whip cream on a strawberry and licks it off. I just like the message to be clear. I generally prefer forward women specifically because it removes the mystery. Im trying to date, not pass an apptitude test.

        • http://twitter.com/futuresatellite @futuresatellite

          Brilliant.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Well, to give myself an edge, I look…a lot…and smile. I use and abuse the "Smile" method. I'm not forward in the manner you described, but I think it makes me approachable if the suitor is inclined to approach. For instance, if I look the first time and he's looking, I may smirk a bit while looking away. I wait a bit and look again. If he looks again, I "SMILE" and look away. That's my way of opening the door. I don't act uninterested…although I don't act pressed, lol. Balance is key and comfortable for me.

          Plus, I prefer to be pursued, lol.

        • GirlSixx

          "Plus, I prefer to be pursued, lol."

          +1000!!!!

  • Alakaii Hawaii

    *chokes on my tea* I wonder what I would do if a man looked at me that way and grabbed me. I don't think I'd be as shy as I think I am. I'd probably be shy because my reaction would be more extra than I was mentally prepared for. *keeps my butt in the house* No need finding out…

    I'd approach a man to offer myself to him because I feel better that way about who my potential partner is. I think I'd stare directly at the person I wanted to offer myself to because I like visualizing, and then I would. but I'd totally stare at the ground and say something stupid. like in my head while the conversation is going I'm envisioning….everything I wanna envision with him…..and subconsciously I'm probably showing I want him but then when I consciously realize I said something mad obvious and I actually have to approach and say 'I want you' I'd probably be too shy. So I guess in that instance I would wanna be approached. but I like offering myself though. I'd wanna offer myself and then I'd wanna be able to sit back and be courted after I dropped the ball in doing so.

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      I'm comfortable offering myself and being looked over. I'm comfortable with rejection. and I'm comfortable flipping a switch for his eyes and his pleasure only. I like the way it feels to be ignored and then throw pillows at him for doing it and then that thirsty stare down…makes me feel cornered. and I like it. It supercede my shyness…like the man is confronting my inner animal. The submissive, playful, sexually obedient one. Commanding her. The right way. If a man were to approach me he'd have to be like: "Wash my dishes." *double handed arse massage* I would probably melt. but he also has to let me pick the dishes I want. and the linens. and the towels. and our humble abode. and where we grocery shop. and the table set….and the couch….and the bedroom furniture….and I have to accessorize the house. Now that I say that I don't like to be approached because men inherently make me feel domesticated. Man: hi. Me: I don't wanna clean your house. VS. Me: I wanna clean our house. Man: Well lets find you a house to clean. *breathes down my neck and molests my personal space*

      • Alakaii Hawaii

        Which is also why I don't date. We're together while you're getting our stuff. I won't cheat on you if you've made the proper investments. *shrugs*

      • Impersonal B

        “I’m comfortable with rejection. and I’m comfortable flipping a switch for his eyes and his pleasure only. I like the way it feels to be ignored and then throw pillows at him for doing it and then that thirsty stare down…makes me feel cornered. and I like it. It supercede my shyness…like the man is confronting my inner animal. The submissive, playful, sexually obedient one. Commanding her. The right way.”

        Sensually entertaining. I know a lot of normal, humble, kind brothers who would not object to that, and a few many more who would miss the ball on a gem like this. Keep throwing pillows.

        And ” Man: hi. Me: I don’t wanna clean your house. VS. Me: I wanna clean our house. Man: Well lets find you a house to clean. *breathes down my neck and molests my personal space*”:

        Hysterical. I LOL’d…but I believe every word of it.

        • Alakaii Hawaii

          *giggling**sighs* yeah, just like that…..

  • GirlSixx

    I make myself approachable BUT I DO NOT approach..

    If he can’t see the green light through my subtle but direct actions (smile/coyish head tilt/eyelash batting) then we’re just not compatible.

  • adamdoglesby

    It goes without saying that a person feels much more comfortable, approaching a woman that should be a slam dunk. Translation: If she's undesirable in the cosmetics department–fat, homely, buck-toothed, blind, crippled, crazy–dude's are confident they won't be rebuffed.

    On the other hand, the stunningly alluring women often complain about not having a date Saturday night, boohooing the fact that men are sometimes so intimidated, so certain that they'll be rebuffed that these men look, admire from afar, maybe send over a drink, but lack the confidence to make a serious attempt.
    My recent post Abstinence Doesn’t Work: How Long Can You Wait?

  • Dana

    Approaching as a woman is hard! And the reason is because the guy then doesn't have to work all that hard to get you. Like this…if a woman approaches a guy, they click, and a lil something happens to soon, then the woman is screwed. The guy will most likely just think she's easy. Therefore, a woman in charge has to have a lot of self control, and still teach the guy how it's gonna be, not letting her desires take over.

    And for me! That's hard, therefore – no more take charge. Although, I am thinking of a club type scenario. Perhaps in another setting it wouldn't happen to this extreme. But really, if a woman approaches a guy, he'll probably say yes because it's easy azz. Unless, he's in a relationship and is one of those honest types.

  • monique

    I use to approach men when I was younger, but now that I am older I prefer to just be approachable. Ain't nothing like a man knowing what he wants and going after it. I feel like my heavy lifting will come in by me being alluring, welcoming and interesting. Not to say that the encounter will lead into something permanent, substantial or long term; but, if it does I feel pretty confident that I am possibly sharing space with a man who can go from asking me out to asking for my hand.

  • Doomsday

    Woman mentality – " If he can't sense my erotic breathing or other superficial "Signs" then we are just not compatible. "

    • Sith King Jordan

      i don't get it, but if it works for them, maseltov.

  • dave

    Listen to these women! If he does not approach me , then we are not compatible. If I have to approach, then he will think I am easy. ( Oh, guys do not feel needy and desperate by approaching?) If you want to make up reasons, ladies, then make them up. Tjhe real reason is that YOU do not want to be rejected, and you leave that for men. How wonderful of you!