How Do You Stay True To The Game And Your Friends Of The Opposite Sex?

The majority of my friends are women. I have a close knit group of guy friends, enough frat brothers to fill Noah’s Ark, and a lot of male family members, but the majority of my friends are women. Regardless of that fact, I’m still a strong believer in staying true to the game, or the G-Code. However, this causes some problems because when I breakdown what this means to women in my life, they always disagree with my stance. Therefore, I thought I’d take today and breakdown how to stay true to the game, but also true to your friends of the opposite sex.

No freebies. You must put in your own work in around here.

I believe in the sanctity that a man or woman has the right to be caught fair and square. This means that I cannot aide and abide in any covert operations or serve as an informant for the detriment of man’s hustle and bustle. Have there been times when I’ve seen a boyfriend of a female friend doing something questionable? Yes, but it’s not my job to put in work for her. The most I can do in that situation is what I like to call the, “What up my dude” glare. That’s where I make it a point to go dap up the brother, but outside of that, I don’t say anything. Not my place.

You got us twisted, homey. You got to put your own work in around here.

I can’t share details of the male psyche with people outside the family.

There are certain similarities in the way all men think. Women have their ways and so do men. Whenever a female friends asks me, “What do you think he’s thinking?” I’m forced in between a rock and a hard place. 99% of the time, I know exactly what he’s thinking, but it’s not right for me to share that with you. Is he all that into you? I don’t know. Does he think you’re The One? I don’t know. Is he just trying to have sex with you? I can’t tell. Does this mean he probably has a girlfriend? Not sure about that. If the Bougie Black Girl’s favorite quote is, “delete, delete, delete.” Then the True to the Game Black Man’s favorite quote is, “deny, deny, deny.”

Pictured here: Barack informs Michelle that the show ‘Boss’ is really how it goes down in the Capitol Building.

I can’t share details of the people’s psyche with people outside the family.

They are rare occasions when these female friends of mine are not Black women, but they are dating Black men. I can’t lie, I hold my tongue a lot in these situations because it’s never okay to let folks outside the family know how we think inside the family. Even though Black women fall for these tricks like everyday, they still have some generational experience and genetic intuition when they’re dating a Black man who is up to his antics. I had a friend who was dating a guy who was staying with his baby mother, who is also his ex-wife, whom he has kids with, because after the split and child support he needed time to save for his own place. My reaction, “Damn, that’s the struggle.” However…

I would really hate it if it was done to me.

“Snitches get stitches.” Real talk. I’ve been falsely accused of things because of another man snitching or sharing his insights on my actions that he thought might mean I was out of pocket. #NoPillowTalk in 2012, four more years! Moreover, than my personal experiences with being betrayed by other men, it’s that I would hate if someone did something like that to me. It’s called the birds and the bees for a reason, we’re not supposed to know every little detail about each others’ psyche or game. If that was the case, there would be no point in playing the game. Do men keep in contact with a few of their exes (or women they used to sleep with)? Sure, happens all the time. 99% … enn… 75% … enn … let’s just say, at times, it’s completely harmless. If I was in that position, I wouldn’t want another man running off to my lady saying, “Hey you know Jay is still mad close with his ex, right?” Like seriously, wth?!

There are a few situations that warrant an exception and I have to violate on behalf of my female friends. They are in no particular order when…

It’s 100% completely stupid.

Have you ever had a friend breakdown their approach to a situation and your reaction was somewhere between extreme laughter and the blank stare of death? Those times when it’s almost the dumbest thing you’ve ever heard in your life, it’s cool to break G code. I read an email the other day from a reader who wants to know if her husband is cheating on her and she said, “The reason I know that he’s been unfaithful is that recently I’ve noticed that he stays away from home longer than his job asks of him, I’ve seen emails in his account with other women that are flirty and sexual in nature, and recently after my last visit to the OB/GYN, my doctor informed me that I had contracted HPV. I feel uncomfortable bringing this up to him because I haven’t caught him redhanded.” I’m sorry bruhs, I have to break G-Code and tell my homegirl what the deal is.

It may in fact result in bodily harm.

Along those lines, homeboy if you’re burning, I’m allowed to tell my homegirl not to sleep with you.

She’s not in her right mind.

In the circumstance that my homegirl is extremely drunk, extremely high, or mentally unhealthy, as a friend, I have the right to step in on her behalf. Keyword here is “extremely.” All of my friends know that I believe in free will and if you got yourself drunk, I can’t be responsible for figuring out if you would or would not have made this decision sober. However, if it is obvious that you are not in control of yourself, it’s time I step in. I know this one is controversial for the fellas and I’d take that fight any night in any club or establishment in America. First of all, I don’t agree with sleeping with drunk women anyway, it’s a recipe for getting Kobe’ed. But also, how am I going to explain that to the rest of my friends when they ask me, “why’d you let her do that?”

I already know that the reaction to this will be interesting. I also know that it doesn’t go both ways. Your homegirl will tell you almost immediately when her intuition goes off that something is off with the woman you’re dating. I haven’t even been able to shake a girl’s hand before some of my close friends have concluded, “That girl is a hoe.” Neither her or I know this woman, but my homegirl knows she’s a hoe. They don’t want to see us hurt, but neither do men. We’re not trying to put you positions where you get hurt, but we’re not trying to let you cheat off our exams either. If we do that then we give away precious jewels of knowledge that we spent years in the “He-man Womun Haters Club” learning. Moreover, we create an environment where you haven’t learned the knowledge, you’ve just been given the answers. What’s going to happen the next time when I’m not around to catch you from falling?

- Dr. J

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  • Lia

    LOL I think if women were seeking out this information with evil intentions then you would be completely justified in keeping your mouth shut. I mean let's be real, some women do play games, and in such a case your contributions would being doing more harm than good to everybody involved. But this is probably not the case for you. I don't have a problem with you not sharing "male secrets" with your female friends within itself, but it's your reasoning that slightly irritates me. I get it, you're a man and you're loyal to other men. But if these truly are your homegirls then your loyalty will lie with them over any man that she is dating. There is no harm in at least hinting at what may be happening, especially if you care about these women. If I ask one of my boys a question about someone that I'm dating (which is not all that often), it's because I am trying to get a different perspective and I respect his opinion. I don't expect for them to know exactly what may be going through another man's head, but I do expect them to let me know if I'm using faulty logic when it comes to someone I'm seeing.

    "I already know that the reaction to this will be interesting. I also know that it doesn’t go both ways. Your homegirl will tell you almost immediately when her intuition goes off that something is off with the woman you’re dating."

    Eh, it really just depends on whether or not he's in clear and present danger emotionally with this woman, and whether or not I think he'll be able to see it. If I think that he'll eventually get the point on his own (without getting his heart broken) then I'm more inclined to just keep my mouth shut unless he asks for my opinion. But if woman's intuition tells me that a woman is a liar, a user, or a cheat then I go into mama bear mode and will protect him like he's one of my own and I would expect all of my boys to do the same for me. I believe that a good friend is a person who will be honest with me and has my back without coddling me. If he can see something that I can't, he needs to act like a friend and speak on it.

    *The only absolute exception I have to answering questions about other women is if I think my boy is just being lazy with his thinking by attempting to have me do it for him. Some things really are just black and white, and in that case I would turn it back to him to figure it out for himself…

  • http://youngheaux.blogspot.com Young Heaux

    I refuse to believe you're serious about this. You're really placing some "G-code" over being a real friend to your supposed female friends? That's cool but I think most of your boys ain't really protecting the "g code" as fiercely as you think. Guys that I'm friends with and truly have my back treat me like a human being, so they're going to keep it real with me and give me honest opinions. Never felt like there was information or insight being withheld really; n****s are generally pretty open if you are receptive and aren't that deceitful/calculating.

    • jackson999

      Iv been in a long distance relationship for 4 months since we met on top cougar dating site Cougarkissing (dot com). We see each other about every 3 weeks. She lives 3 hours away. We are both busy with college and our jobs. She is a great person and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. She is 30 and I'm 25. With all that I read in your article it seems to me it all depends on the situation. The 4 months was hard but it was definately worth it.

    • PassTheDankPlease

      Cosign! Like WTF? G code? Lmao. If you are a friend asking for advice why would I withold information that can help you? Like what kind of friend is that?

  • http://youngheaux.blogspot.com Young Heaux

    and they* aren't that deceitful/calculating.

  • Alakaii Hawaii

    I think….I can’t wait to get married. This is gross. I think my mind was just blown. How does it make any logical sense to be surrounded by females you don’t respect? and condoning the behavior of males mistreating them? Like, if you can tolerate a female unworthy of common decency and respect and you can be friends with/keep regular company with ill behaved men, and you’re not even bothered in the slightest by all the grossness….ew. Isn’t that nasty? That’s nasty. I hate brushing shoulders with people like that it’s gross. I feel like I just stepped in dog poop and I’m throwing the girliest fit about it. I really couldn’t handle city life. I really couldn’t. I’d be rocking an iron hazmat suit. *whining* I think it’s gross. No wonder my father is such an a*s to every guy I meet. I’m all naive like ‘but dad he’s awesome!!’ Father: = l I take his advice seriously. at my own discretion. Men make me feel like having a mentality towards their feelings like ‘why should I give a f*ck about you’. When he’s not there I would hope I could hide from the world in someone else’s house….just don’t let me have to be in a world with people like the ones in this post. NO home training whatsoever. Who does that?? lol. I think I got just got dunked into a sea of people I hate and I hate it so much I’d actually run into the arms of a man who could keep me from having my innocence further tainted. I feel like I’m getting chased by monsters. Let me in!!!! *bangs on door* *cheater opens door* ‘You’re safe with me.’

    …….as long as he’s got biceps though. Arms are arms. #Iwannaruntoyou *rocking back and forth* (southern men don’t cheat! southern men don’t cheat!)

    • The Guy

      For what its worth you sound like one of them girls who's crazy as s**t!

      Do your job as a woman and be HR. Its our job as men to try and land the best woman. Its your job as a woman to just work on yourself, be in the right place at the right time and evaluate applicants. If your evaluation process sucks then maybe you need to educate yourself on the game so you can recognize when ur falling for it.

      We have rules as men and a g code (and in this case G is for Gentleman's). No reason why I'm gonna call my homies girl and be like "yo G was bugging out with some strippers I had to get him home before he did something stupid, make sure he's okay for me." Even if I'm more of a friend with her than I am with him. Its a mutual respect for the game, you wouldn't understand that. Take it or leave it. You gotta put in your own work!

      • PassTheDankPlease

        Are ninjas really adbiding by some imaginary rule that could potentially hurt people? WTF? A real G keeps it 100 at all times.

      • Alakaii Hawaii

        *builds a pillow fort. cowers under my blanket. and puts holy water in a nerf gun.* If I'm crazy it's because Jay gave me a complex with this post. but you know your first paragraph actually makes a lot of sense. OH! I totally get it. You mean you've gotta watch your own back when it comes to guys. cuz guys aren't really gonna do it for you they're gonna let you figure it out on your own. Well, isn't that what a female's father is for? smh @ depending on some dudes you likely met at a bar/lounge/party to look out for you. In all honesty men should be that dependable but I guess it makes sense to just be the best woman you can be and know how to pick and choose your men well. I still think guys should check other guys when they're making decisions that reflect poorly on them as men. I would think men tend to self reflect more honestly when another man tells them they really are not acting to par. That's why I think it's better for a guy's inner circle to be just as high standing as the man I'm with is. It's different. Even when they're out and about they're still dignified.

    • LuvLife289/ oh ok…

      Exactly! "Take it or Leave it" from the Guy
      The exact reason why I chose a MAN that doesn't play these childish games…
      If you know or got a guy like this then thats what you get…period!
      @AHawaii… its ok not ALL men are like this…smh!

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    Just the other day, the friend/dating girl i talked about a couple posts back, her friend basically told her she shouldn't bother with me because I'm just using her or some ish like that. Now, part of me wants to #Ochoheadbutt him but I understand that he is in no way obligated not to be a b*tch toss shade on me. Roles reversed i would probably do the same

    Perhaps I too care too much to let a woman walk around so oblivious. I was the kid that would blurt out answers in class because i couldn't take someone just saying umm 2573 times. Guess I got to turn in my g-card because I have little to no loyalty to men outside of my fam and circle, fug him fug him fug him even if he's celibate. I might not go as far as text a friend if i see her man at the club, but if she comes to me about relationship issues i'm going to break it down to her.

    Above all, I'm an honest person; I've dogged homegirls boyfriends, i've pissed homegirls off for taking his side, i've told my boys if they're wrong. i'm very direct and unfiltered, its why sometimes you might not want to come to me, if you looking for a cosigner go that way. I'm only giving my opinion i'm not exactly checking profiles for you (another b*tch made move by a male "friend", nobody wants me to win and sh t)

    My recent post Today’s word is… INTIMIDATION

    • The Guy

      Yea you def sound like a snitch. You got issues.

    • Lia

      You don't sound like a snitch to me, you sound like somebody who cares about his friends and does the right thing. You got your own code, not some BS sketchy ass "G code"…

      • The Guy

        Dude admitted to dogging a chick's boyfriend. That's not being a man, that's being a nosy friend. This guy is the living Marvin's room. Someone gonna hurt him one day for running his mouth, don't snitch just tell her get her life together.

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          Reading comprehension is SO important….in what way is telling a female to perhaps consider finding a new mate snitching…is it a secret he’s not right, was she not supposed to know this? oh. but for the sake of argument would you let your mans or your brother wife up a heaux or a bitter female that makes him miserable? I somehow doubt it. I guess a man only holds his tongue about another man out of fear right, cool story bro.

        • The Guy

          Cmon now Marvin, you can't be out there telling girls what to do like you're some self proclaimed couples therapist. Don't dog out other men, cuz if you piss off some girl you care about the last thing you want is everyone in her ear saying "leave him" when you're trying to work it out. If your female friend really wants advice tell her to work on how she's evaluating the men in her life and to step her game up.

          Don't dog out that guy, that's getting involved in people's personal stuff just to feel vindicated in your "captain save em" complex. Relationships are between 2 people not you and your extra 2 cents.

        • Lia

          "I might not go as far as text a friend if i see her man at the club, but if she comes to me about relationship issues i'm going to break it down to her. "

          It's only nosy if he's running his mouth on his own without being asked, and even that is debatable if the offense is bad enough. But I don't think this means that he just throws his 2 cents in about ever loser one of his girls is with. It just looks like he speaks when she comes to him with an issue, hard to find the fault in that.

          But hey, if you wouldn't want one of your homegirls being straight with you if you asked for her advice about another women then I guess that's between y'all. I don't understand that, but if that's what works for you…

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      Hm. Tristan you're gaining cool points in my book.

      • LuvLife289/ oh ok…

        +1 #coolppl

  • cynicaloptmst81

    LOL! Plenty of funny stuff tucked in there…

    I have several male friends and they hold back nothing (I think, lol). Over the years, I've received raw answers with disclaimers (seems like xyz but I may be wrong) and tips on how to unnaggingly drill for info that will unveil the real deal. What you described seems like you're dealing with female associates rather than friends. My friends get 100%…and that's what I expect in return.

    Now, honestly, when it comes to catching someone out in the street doing wrong #MJ, I have the same method as you. You have to be careful getting mixed up in that. So, my plan is (cause I've never really had this happen, lol) make sure they know I saw/see, etc. and give them the "You better tell or I will" look/side conversation.

    • The Guy

      Give me an ultimatum and then I'll go to my girl like "yo cynicaloptmst81 tried to kiss me and mount me, i had to leave, i mean we're friends and all but i didn't know she wanted more"

      Been there done that, next…

      • cynicaloptmst81

        You gotta be a real slimeball to ruin their friendship trying NOT to get caught when you were dead wrong, LOL!

        …a real slimeball, LOL!

        Do you though…LOL! Hilariously horrible!

        • The Guy

          You don't know your place as a friend. It aint to get involved in my relationship, just because you live by a certain creed don't mean you force other people to. I wish one of my friends would force me to try and do something because of their own personal morals and lifestyle, you can miss me with all that. And if you try to break me and my girl up I'm definitely curving that friendship. I'm supposed to tell her the truth and then call you up later for a drink and we can chill and laugh about how you made me basically end my relationship? I would hate you for that.

        • Seven

          Maybe you just have a different definition of "friend"…then cynical…and I…and quite a few other people do. Maybe? Just a thought.

        • The Guy

          You can approach me about stuff but don't give an ultimatum saying you'll tell my girl. That's sick…

        • Seven

          Darling…how about being good to your mate so there's no worrying about being exposed? :-(

        • The Guy

          I agree people should be true to their significant other but that doesn't mean you have to be the informant against your homegirl's boyfriend. That's not my place, and i don't want anyone doing that to me.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Absolutely, Seven.

          …cause if I find out down the road that a member from my Circle of Trust SAW…not hearsay…but WITNESSED my man out in the real world being shady and didn't 1st approach him about it to see what was up ("What's up here? You're putting me in a tricky position so explain yourself…") and then let me know what was up (depending on his response), I'd be PISSED at her/him.

        • Seven

          Agreed…same within my circle…it's a given that we are loyal to each other first and foremost. It is understood that whatever is being relayed to one another is coming from a place of love and respect. I know no other way to be.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          We are >>>>HERE<<<<!

        • cynicaloptmst81

          And you don't know YOUR place as a "monogamy promising boyfriend" if you find yourself in this situation. You are kinda forgetting personal responsiblity here. You're sneaky actions would be the demise of your relationship…and your s/o has a right to know if you're lying to her.

          They placed video capabilities on phones for folks like you. Let me update my plan now, lol…so that the real liar will be on film.

        • The Guy

          Yea people should be faithful but that's not what we're talking about here. We're talking about you as a friend being empowered to be the executive branch of relationship law! You out here making citizens arrests and that's not your job.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          I take my role as a friend seriously. Seeing something like that and not addressing it in any way shape or form is NOT friendship…to ME. Clearly we have different perspectives on what it means to be a true friend.

          You don't go making random accusations, no. Talk to the seemingly wayward bf/gf and see what their explanation is FIRST. Maybe even let the first incident slide depending on what you saw. But, if its clear he's caught, give him the opportunity to share what you encountered first…then share ONLY what you encountered…and let your friend come to their own conclusion.

        • The Guy

          Well that's what ya'll nosy scorned women do, and that's why this "code" is only for men. As a friend you're crossing that line, you just tell him you don't like what he's doing to his girl and you leave it at that. Your jurisdiction ends right there.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Nothing intrusive about what I see blatantly done out in the open. You made it public business when your arrogant behind took your mess to the streets. You do what you want. And I'll do what I want and feel is right as a friend.

          Mkay? Cool.

          It ends where I say it ends for me and mine. Lol. You're funny…

    • bellatrice1

      This is tricky. I guess you could say I witnessed my girl's (really close friend) man doing her dirty because he came on to me. Was I obligated to tell her? I don't think so. I've been in that situation before and it ended up ruining me and my girl's friendship rather than her relationship w/him. I decided that telling her wasn't the best idea. Besides, I figured if he hit on me while she was sitting NEXT to me, he'd probably cheat on her eventually with someone else. And he did. Did she leave, no? Some women just don't WANT to know.

      If asked for advice though, I would have told her she should drop him, but I know at the end of the day women are going to do what they want to do, regardless of what I think.
      My recent post 10 Reasons Why Women Love Christian Grey

      • cynicaloptmst81

        I think you need to know your friends/your circle and act accordingly.

        In my circle, what I described is the expectation…based on hypothetical conversations we've had. Now, when I was a teen, a guy my bff was talking to came on to me (he lived around the corner from me), I told her, she believed me, and they stopped talking.

        Then, and 20+ years later, they know I'm not trying to ruin their lives and that I wouldn't A) lie to them or B) judge them if they choose to work thru the issue with their s/o or boo…their choice. I'd fall back. But, at the end of the day, my honesty will stand as a testiment to my respect and loyalty to my friend. And if they take it wrong, that speaks more about who they are or aren't than it does about me. *shrugs*

        • bellatrice1

          True. But, it didn't necessarily end the friendship because she didn't believe me, it ended the friendship because now if she decides to stay with him, it makes things awkward.

          Also, some people have agreements with their S/O or husband…sort of a "don't ask, don't tell policy." You just may not know about it. I would want to know, and I make it clear to my friends that I would want to know if they saw my man doing shadiness, but it's difficult getting involved in friend's affairs when it comes to infidelity. Some of them could be on some open relationship stuff that you don't know about.

          I guess I'm just trying to say, while I don't necessarily agree with this lame G-code, and protecting "the game" at all costs, there are situations where I should fall back.
          My recent post 10 Reasons Why Women Love Christian Grey

        • cynicaloptmst81

          "I guess I'm just trying to say, while I don't necessarily agree with this lame G-code, and protecting "the game" at all costs, there are situations where I should fall back."

          I think that statement falls in line with my first statement in my response above: "I think you need to know your friends/your circle and act accordingly."

          What you know about them and your friendship should guide you regarding how best to deal with the situation.

  • J.Crawford

    I guess I'll be the first male to jump in the fire of this post….I agree 100% with this, not just because I'm a Guy but by Exactly what the Context of this post represents. Plus, because of these wo sentences: "Your homegirl will tell you almost immediately when her intuition goes off that something is off with the woman you’re dating. I haven’t even been able to shake a girl’s hand before some of my close friends have concluded, “That girl is a hoe.” Neither her or I know this woman, but my homegirl knows she’s a hoe"

    Women GENERALLY- Not Always, but GENERALLY- Do Not exihibit Solidarity execpt in the Comfortable Circle of Sisterhood. For Men, Life itself is a Dog-Eat-Dog world without having to further Choose Sides in Every Aspect of Breathing. Yes, we look out for our Boys, but we also know if the Circumstances arise that eein Within the Group its 'Every Man for Himself'.

    • J.Crawford

      While I personally Don't support or condone the "Stop Snitching" phenomena, the fact that we are All Unique and Different in our Individual Lives meas we control our Free Will and obviously after the age of 18-21 we are Adults, not Children that need a Hand every. single. moment. We Rise and Fall with our Choices and Grow from them, and for Men it is the G-Code. This may seem Selfish and somewhat Sexist, but Women have the Same Equivalence- they Choose to Not Utilize it for whatever reasons. I'm not a Woman, so I Don't Know Why, BUT, it is the Truth ahd Facts of the matter

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

    I generally agree with this post but for a different reason. Most women aren’t stupid. They know exactly what’s going on in their heart of hearts. So usually if one of my woman-friends come to me for advice she already knows the real answers. I do my best not to hate on this man I dont know, but even if I did, unless SHE has made the decision to leave him nothing I say, do, or show her in video/picture/verbal form is going to change her mind. For the most part, I don’t even bother giving advice any more solicited or otherwise because people are going to do what they want to do, ignorance is bliss.

    As far as MY friends go, you’d have to water board me before I turn on them, whether we’re mutual friends or not. To me, that’s the guy code but that’s unique to a very few select number of friends. If I don’t know you like that and you’re dating my homegirl, I wil give her my honest opinion on the situation and you can feel however you want to feel about it playa. Where dudes get it twisted is when they BLATANTLY and PURPOSEFULY hate on the next man because they’re actually lowkey interested in the girl I’m dating. That is, frankly, a bitch move. If you’re game consists on hating on the next man tiger closer to a woman then you honestly have no game at all. That’s the ish I don’t like.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      "If I don't know you like that and you're dating my homegirl, I wil give her my honest opinion on the situation and you can feel however you want to feel about it playa. Where dudes get it twisted is when they BLATANTLY and PURPOSEFULY hate on the next man because they're actually lowkey interested in the girl I'm dating. That is, frankly, a bitch move. If you're game consists on hating on the next man tiger closer to a woman then you honestly have no game at all. That's the ish I don't like."

      YES and amen.

  • larnelw

    First and foremost I am going to say that I believe that Dr J wrote this not so much as something he actually believes but instead as a Devil's Advocate to spark conversations. Or so i hope. However I do know that there are men who do believe have this mentality.

    That said….I don't believe in this "G-Code" BS. Loyalty to me is based off of our friendship not whether or not we happen to have the same type of genitalia. I will defend my friends but I also check my friends, both male and female, when they are in the wrong. I can't fathom how any mature decent man would sit ideally by and be entertained by the sight of one of his female friends getting dogged out by another dude that he doesnt even know. If the "G" in G-code equals "Gentleman" then exactly what part of gentlemanly demeanor is that?

    Listen…I'm not saying that if you see someones BF/GF out there cheating that you should go run tell dat. When it comes to infidielity, my word vs his/hers, that is a sticky situation. But if a woman I call my FRIEND comes to ME for advice, a woman who thinks I am enough of a friend to her that she would come to me and value my opinion, I am going to give it to her real 100%. My loyalty is to my friend. Not some nigga I might not even know. Games are for kids……but then there are a lot of Peter Pan's running around in grown man shoes.

    • The Guy

      You making it out to sound bad. G code means if your man is with a trifling chick you ask him "you really wanna deal with all that all the time?" But you can't be telling him what to do. A chick asks you "I think he's cheating, do you?" you back off and say "look i don't know i'm not around but maybe you might need to do some soul searching." Can't be telling people what to do cuz that aint right, and like Wisdom said man everybody knows deep down but chooses to ignore it.

      You sound like a decent dude, but I feel like you got it twisted and put a negative spin on it.

      • larnelw

        If a chick [that i am good friends with] comes and asks me if her man is cheating I am staying out of that. There is no way that can not turn out bad for me unless I had some kind of video of dude in the act.

        I'm talking about stuff such as the good female friend coming to me like, "Hey, I'm talking to this dude and I dont know if he is just stringing me along or what". In that case, after she runs down the situation, I will give her my opinion raw and uncut. From there I allow her to do with it what with it whatever she wants. I dont try to force my opinion nor do I volunteer it (unless I know you are getting done dirty, I can see the hell its putting you through and we close like that) but if you ask I will tell you.

        But most importantly make sure to notice that I am talking about women that I am good friends with. Friends get the real deal because I have my friend's, male or female, backs. Just some chick that I dont know though….not getting involved.

        • The Guy

          Yea I feel where you're coming from I get those questions a lot…..respect

          Personally I'm the type to always turn the conversation to her, and ask her if she's done her due diligence but it is what it is.

  • The Guy

    That's cool, most of em are women, and this code is for men.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    this seems to be a sensitive subject, who hurt you? At the end of the day, all one can do is offer their opinion and it’s on her to use said information or not. the question here is whether one should give that advice or not, I say yes, provided it’s honest, objective and isn’t some deep rooted motive behind it. as I said before I’m not going to blatantly report on dude, I know personally how that feels, I said if one asks I will answer and I’m not going to hold my tongue on behalf of some unwritten code most ninjas don’t obey.

  • samxxviii

    First off, i want to thank you for that sweet brown gif. I am DYIN.

    Anyways this is a touchy subject… i can't really fault you for with holding information or not wanting to be involved with other ppl's relationship because to be honest it's very messy. ignorance is bliss right?

    But i've been on the end of the coin, whom a guy dating was smashing my bff and some ppl in my circle was aware, but withheld that information. That type of betrayal was devastating. Playing the fool in a situation like that is embarrassing. And to know you as a good friend could've prevented me from looking like a fool a little less longer and decided not to, would really hurt me. what are friends for?

    So if a friend of mine see my man out there doing him and don't plan on telling me they need to take it to their grave. Don't let me find out and don't speak up when shit hits the fans, if they want this friendship to last any longer. Ignorance is bliss indeed.

  • Alakaii Hawaii

    What I found really interesting going through the comments, and I only got about half way through, is that someone who is obviously taking the 'dog women/keep it a secret' mentality a little far is generally disliked by men. I would think it's because they can BLATANTLY see that certain things are completely inappropriate. but what I've never witnessed is a woman saying from her perspective and understanding SHE feels something is completely and blatantly inappropriate, and men act on her behalf. As if men don't listen to a woman saying 'that behavior is threatening.' Isn't that dangerous? Like if you can't see a threat and I can, you won't listen to me until it becomes a problem and by the time it becomes a problem you wanna act all 'I protect my friends.' Why don't men handle things prior to it becoming a problem? That bothers me. but I guess the one truth is that women have a sixth sense and if I sense danger and call it out, I would expect my boys to have my back on it in that way. but I wouldn't expect to be a purposefully oblivious woman and have a bunch of homeboys blocking for me.

    • Alakaii Hawaii

      Hows about "I put in my own work" so when I say someone is a rapist, abuser, threatening demeanor, not someone I want in my company, is a person I don't trust, desn't really act appropriately for me to be comfortable around, you go…..okay. Since you're my homegirl. 'leave her alone bro.' My best friend was like that. 'I don't like this cat.' He ignores me, tells me to stop complaining about it. Five minutes later dude is full blown molesting me. Not cool.

  • Streetz

    DENY DENY DENY lol..

    Great post for Friday. Back into Data hell for me!
    My recent post #30in30 Day 4 – Alias: The Search For An Alternative Pen Name

  • TheOthaSide

    "There are a few situations that warrant an exception and I have to violate on behalf of my female friends. They are in no particular order when…" FAIL!!!

    Because the chic was in denial doesn't mean you should violate G Code. She has female friends to confirm beliefs or at very help her see the truth. I do agree with the burning thing tho, that's just not right. As far as being stupid drunk…I agree with saying something but only because if he is doing that to your point he could def end up Kobe'd and sitting back watching that would be a violation in itself.

  • jackson

    Sadly, My girlfriend and me broke up a month ago. yeah.. i'm young ,handsome,lonely and still hurting.i may be in need of someone to love..still..My friends told me about cougarkissing_ C0M and i got curious about it.. they met their girlfriends there.,It's the best place to meet a older girlfriend . i cant risk myself..So i got a usename(Qcdude) there in order to find a new girlfriend .Is it wrong?Jessica Simpson is fighting the battle of the post-baby bulge, a process she says is slower than she expected.

  • adamdoglesby

    The blue wall of silence, that’s what they say the police have. Their code: You never, ever tell on your own kind.

    I think the genders tend to clique-up in similar ways—as though we’ve taken the Mafia’s blood oath of Omerta.

    If you get a reputation for having loose lips—especially with your guy’s females—then you’ll be quickly isolated, ostracized, and labeled a Gender Snitch!

    And why not? Society doesn’t function well when one has to be guarded in word and deed for fear that one’s actions will be reported to the Female/Male Gestapo.

    As far as being questioned by my friend’s love interests, I try to avoid it. I’ve always hated being caught in the middle of some petty lover’s quarrel. If I’m your friend—male or female—I prefer not to be friends with your honey, too.

    I’ll be friendly, just not friends.

    Doing otherwise can prove an awkward tight rope to negotiate.

    If the two of you have a spat, don’t expect me—as mutual friend—to play the role of peace negotiator.

    And if the breakup becomes permanent, then the last thing I want is to have to chose between one or the other.

    My recent post It’s Dangerous To Cheat On Your Mistress!

  • http://www.katwebbmusic.com KitKatCuty84

    I haven't asked a straight male what another straight male was thinking in quite a while. I learned in an unfortunate matter, that ALL PEOPLE (not just the men you're sleeping with) have ulterior motives for their actions. So some other guy might have a take on it, but there's an unknown reason he has his viewpoint, just like there's an unknown reason your current guy has his. I stick to parents for the real REAL advice, and still to female and gay friends when I just wanna talk ish and I already know what to do, but I'm in the mood to gab. :)