Today, I wanted to share with you one of the chapters from my first e-book Fly On The Wall. Check it out and enjoy!
I’ve had ladies ask me repeatedly why it’s so hard for men to settle down. The single life is like a drug to a young man who has everything going for him. Hell, it’s a drug to those that don’t and think they do!There are so many contributing factors that lead to men chasing women before eventually slowing down. Here’s a few points I want to touch on:
1. The Rush
There’s a reason why men will be so persistent and on point when getting to know a woman/trying to have sex with her, then taper off once they get what they want: The thrill. The exhilaration you feel when you get a woman’s contact info, have a plan in your mind as to what you want to occur, and actually have it happen! We feel the same apprehension and butterflies in our stomach when we first meet a woman that we find attractive. No one likes rejection, but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. With this knowledge, we use our talents to make something happen. Our hearts beat faster, blood pumps stronger; we get anxious, nervous, excited, and a little scared all at once! It’s just like a sport, and some men treat it as such.
I’m sure some studies have been conducted that show that a man’s adrenaline increases when he meets a new woman and engages her in conversation. I know it happens to me, even if I’m not looking for anything other than good conversation! Adrenaline can be euphoric in itself too. Think about dudes who tell their “I broke my virginity” stories. Ask them the thoughts that ran through their minds and it’ll sound like they were taking a test, climbing a mountain, or walking into the unknown. It can be a crazy feeling, but we love to feel that, and want to feel that all the time. Adrenaline is a helluva drug!
2. Ego Boost
You ever hear married men, or men in serious relationships talk about getting women’s numbers in the club “Just to see if I still got it”? Truth is they miss that ego boost they used to get from women who showed interest in them. A man’s ego will love the satisfaction of bagging fine women, and will love getting those complements. They may harbor no ill will towards their significant others, or even desire to cheat, but a man’s stimulated ego is one of the biggest causes for relationships to end! That feeling where a woman throws you those non verbal signals that she is yours whenever, wherever, however?! Man listen…
3. Natural Instinct
I think that men are predatory when it comes to chasing women. There’s something in our DNA that makes us go crazy to have a woman as our own. Maybe it’s evolutionary (the desire to procreate and continue ones species). Maybe it’s that ancient Cro-Magnon instinct of the hunter, where we see woman as game to be hunted. Hell, we always here women proclaim how tradition dictates that men court and go after women, so I think we are also conditioned to be the aggressors.
Keeping with this natural instinct within us, you will see many different mammals do the same thing. Lions roll with a pride, and the Head of the pride will be getting his porn star on with all the Lionesses in the crew! It isn’t because he’s a bad person. It’s just what the king of the lions does. That’s the part they actually include in the director’s cut of The Lion King. I’m lying.
4. No Monotony
I tire of the same routine over, and over, and over again, and I despise monotony. I never want my relationship to get stale and predictable, but that is a reality for a lot of people. Being single, you don’t have this worry, because if things become stale with a woman, you can easily chuck the deuces and move on to the next. Now, the monotony can be easily cured, but a lot of dudes take their single life as the model for monotony. In fact, I would say that a single life can be as monotonous as life in a relationship!
Same going out on the town and finding new women. You follow the same routine of getting her info, selling her the best dream possible, sleeping with her, and moving on to the next chick. It might work for a lot of dudes, but after a while that can get as boring as relationship life. The only difference is you still have someone that loves you when it’s all said and done, yet when you’re single that’s not the case.
5. New Good-Good
A wise man once said “There’s no p***y like new p***y”. I can’t explain it, but it’s just true. Now, this doesn’t just encompass the physical characteristics of a woman’s vagina. This is the entire sex experience. This goes hand-in-hand with the monotony issue. What if you love your significant other, but they have become lame in the bedroom? What if they aren’t eager to try new things? What if the same old positions and “special moves” become predictable and don’t have the same effect. Men fear this like random itches below the belt. The single life offers the opportunity to find women who are great in bed and they can be with them at their leisure.
It’s true that you could end up with lames living the single life, but that’s what a phone book and a dream are for, right? You can always call up the old reliable and win. Being single, you would rather venture into the unknown for the sake of a potential great night of sex, than be in a predictable sex life with a known partner.
6. The Challenge
We love the challenge. Period. We think about these challenges like when you beat a video game that you’ve been playing for months. You put all your time into it, overcome hurdles, and finally beat it, but when it’s over, you feel a little sad because the ride is over, and you have to move to the next challenge. This is a similar perspective that we have with women. We love to have that challenge. To get with women who our boys might say is out of our league, or women who they tried to bag and failed. It goes back to my point on the ego boost. That competitive spirit within ourselves and wanting to be the best and be “a ladies’ man” will spur us on, and make us love that single life. Some men don’t realize that in relationships, the challenges actually change and it’s up to you to maintain your motivation.
A final point: You ever see how the slang term for marriage is to “settle down”? In this context, it makes monogamy and marriage, even relationships, seem like a loss. It’s like you have all these options and you choose to settle on one, for better or worse. That’s a foul way to look at things. I think it’s more like choosing the best option for you because I never like to settle. Makes you wonder if there’s more to the thrill of the chase than what is on the surface. Maybe we have been indoctrinated to think of being single as cool and to shun the idea of monogamy. Or maybe we make excuses for a common desire to have no responsibility to care for another person’s feelings equally or greater than our own.
Is there an all of the above choice?