The Thrill of The Chase: 6 Reasons Why Men Love The Single Life

Today, I wanted to share with you one of the chapters from my first e-book Fly On The Wall. Check it out and enjoy!

 

I’ve had ladies ask me repeatedly why it’s so hard for men to settle down. The single life is like a drug to a young man who has everything going for him. Hell, it’s a drug to those that don’t and think they do!There are so many contributing factors that lead to men chasing women before eventually slowing down. Here’s a few points I want to touch on:

1. The Rush

There’s a reason why men will be so persistent and on point when getting to know a woman/trying to have sex with her, then taper off once they get what they want: The thrill. The exhilaration you feel when you get a woman’s contact info, have a plan in your mind as to what you want to occur, and actually have it happen! We feel the same apprehension and butterflies in our stomach when we first meet a woman that we find attractive. No one likes rejection, but you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. With this knowledge, we use our talents to make something happen. Our hearts beat faster, blood pumps stronger; we get anxious, nervous, excited, and a little scared all at once! It’s just like a sport, and some men treat it as such.

I’m sure some studies have been conducted that show that a man’s adrenaline increases when he meets a new woman and engages her in conversation. I know it happens to me, even if I’m not looking for anything other than good conversation! Adrenaline can be euphoric in itself too. Think about dudes who tell their “I broke my virginity” stories. Ask them the thoughts that ran through their minds and it’ll sound like they were taking a test, climbing a mountain, or walking into the unknown. It can be a crazy feeling, but we love to feel that, and want to feel that all the time. Adrenaline is a helluva drug!

2. Ego Boost

You ever hear married men, or men in serious relationships talk about getting women’s numbers in the club Just to see if I still got it? Truth is they miss that ego boost they used to get from women who showed interest in them. A man’s ego will love the satisfaction of bagging fine women, and will love getting those complements. They may harbor no ill will towards their significant others, or even desire to cheat, but a man’s stimulated ego is one of the biggest causes for relationships to end! That feeling where a woman throws you those non verbal signals that she is yours whenever, wherever, however?! Man listen…

3. Natural Instinct

I think that men are predatory when it comes to chasing women. There’s something in our DNA that makes us go crazy to have a woman as our own. Maybe it’s evolutionary (the desire to procreate and continue ones species). Maybe it’s that ancient Cro-Magnon instinct of the hunter, where we see woman as game to be hunted. Hell, we always here women proclaim how tradition dictates that men court and go after women, so I think we are also conditioned to be the aggressors.

Keeping with this natural instinct within us, you will see many different mammals do the same thing. Lions roll with a pride, and the Head of the pride will be getting his porn star on with all the Lionesses in the crew! It isn’t because he’s a bad person. It’s just what the king of the lions does. That’s the part they actually include in the director’s cut of The Lion King. I’m lying.

4. No Monotony

I tire of the same routine over, and over, and over again, and I despise monotony. I never want my relationship to get stale and predictable, but that is a reality for a lot of people. Being single, you don’t have this worry, because if things become stale with a woman, you can easily chuck the deuces and move on to the next. Now, the monotony can be easily cured, but a lot of dudes take their single life as the model for monotony. In fact, I would say that a single life can be as monotonous as life in a relationship!

Same going out on the town and finding new women. You follow the same routine of getting her info, selling her the best dream possible, sleeping with her, and moving on to the next chick. It might work for a lot of dudes, but after a while that can get as boring as relationship life. The only difference is you still have someone that loves you when it’s all said and done, yet when you’re single that’s not the case.

5. New Good-Good

A wise man once said There’s no p***y like new p***y. I can’t explain it, but it’s just true. Now, this doesn’t just encompass the physical characteristics of a woman’s vagina. This is the entire sex experience. This goes hand-in-hand with the monotony issue. What if you love your significant other, but they have become lame in the bedroom? What if they aren’t eager to try new things? What if the same old positions and “special moves” become predictable and don’t have the same effect. Men fear this like random itches below the belt. The single life offers the opportunity to find women who are great in bed and they can be with them at their leisure.

It’s true that you could end up with lames living the single life, but that’s what a phone book and a dream are for, right? You can always call up the old reliable and win. Being single, you would rather venture into the unknown for the sake of a potential great night of sex, than be in a predictable sex life with a known partner.

6. The Challenge

We love the challenge. Period. We think about these challenges like when you beat a video game that you’ve been playing for months. You put all your time into it, overcome hurdles, and finally beat it, but when it’s over, you feel a little sad because the ride is over, and you have to move to the next challenge. This is a similar perspective that we have with women. We love to have that challenge. To get with women who our boys might say is out of our league, or women who they tried to bag and failed. It goes back to my point on the ego boost. That competitive spirit within ourselves and wanting to be the best and be “a ladies’ man” will spur us on, and make us love that single life. Some men don’t realize that in relationships, the challenges actually change and it’s up to you to maintain your motivation.

A final point: You ever see how the slang term for marriage is to “settle down”? In this context, it makes monogamy and marriage, even relationships, seem like a loss. It’s like you have all these options and you choose to settle on one, for better or worse. That’s a foul way to look at things. I think it’s more like choosing the best option for you because I never like to settle. Makes you wonder if there’s more to the thrill of the chase than what is on the surface. Maybe we have been indoctrinated to think of being single as cool and to shun the idea of monogamy. Or maybe we make excuses for a common desire to have no responsibility to care for another person’s feelings equally or greater than our own.

Is there an all of the above choice?

Streetz

From Our Partners

  • J. Crawford

    I think the very last sentence before your question Is the All of the Above Option. Combine all 6 of the reasons and put them in that context, mix it with Role Playing and role Dating with your S/O and that’s the answer. Ever hear some married couples pretend to “meet” each other like they are Dtrangers to get the Spark Back? Couples can do the same thing

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    I’m different, I’m more of a relationship person. For me, the challenge is her heart, going from a stranger to the one she can’t see herself without. I think the monotony is dating itself, seeing, chasing, catching, letting go and looking again. New p***y is great but it doesn’t make up for everything else. Maybe because I spent so much time chasing and not catching anything, it’s like playing tag and being IT for hours

    • Bree

      Trist +1000 Thumbs up on that. We all wish more guys thought like you. So many relationship issues would be resolved and questions answered if they did………….If Only….*deep sigh*

    • Streetz

      I feel like everyone is going to come on here and say they are different when it comes ot this topic. I would say that those men in their younger days have had some of these thoughts creep up in their minds, and have that philosophy. Either way, these are reasons that dudes have told me themselves, so I know it's more than a small subset, feel me?
      My recent post #30in30 Day 16: Alias 2 – Final Pen Name & Quick Thoughts on Google Plus

    • bellatrice1

      "It's like playing tag and being IT for hours" – Hilarity
      Great metaphor that puts the idea of chasing in perspective
      My recent post 2012 Black Weblog Awards Semi-Finalist

  • Dr. J

    This right here: A wise man once said “There’s no p***y like new p***y”.

    That's kind of stupid. It's been my experience that as you go along you reach new levels with your sex life in a relationship. It's tons of stuff that you won't do outside of a relationship that you will do in the relationship. Like if you ask people that's been having sex for like 3 weeks about their sex life, it's way wacker than someone who's been doing it for like 2 years. (On the low low, that's why people keep FwB for like years. When you've been hitting off the same FwB for like 6-7 years, y'all really in tune with each other sexually.) Idk, IMO, like when you first start off the "new new" is not necessarily uninhibited and comfortable in the arrangement, that takes time.

    Of course it's a chance that your sex life is just wack at a certain point and then in those cases it's really not the new new that makes you leave, it's the fact that what you currently have is wack. But like after you get past the first couple stages of your sex life with a person, and you reach that breakthrough moment, you are way better off than someone out here conquering new new all the time.

    • GirlSixx

      This dude gets it!!

      *StandingOvation

  • http://www.therealslimjackson.com Slim Jackson

    Call me lazy, but recurring and pleasant hot boxing is better than prowling for new bunz. I guess I'm just one of those lazy cats. Call me Garfield.
    My recent post I Can’t Fit My Suit!

  • Dr. J

    Some men are just flat out opposed to commitment. That's a very small subset of men. The others who are single believe that there are still viable options in the playing field that are better than the ones that he's currently interacting or interacted with.

    • Peter Parker

      Co-sign!

  • Bree

    and a lotta men, (like many women) are just too damn picky and they will constantly make excuses about why they can't be with this chick and that chick and how they are emotionally unavailable, and have too much goin on with their career and focusing on school and their kids, and too much baby mama drama and they can date 100 chicks in a year and something will be wrong with all of them where none of them will make it to an engagement, much less the alter. So inevitably it all goes back to being Scared of commitment and all that it entails. I would say more men are petrified of commitment, as opposed to being opposed to commitment.

    • Streetz

      Why is it excuses if thats how they truly feel? I think theres a difference between the dudes who dont want to settle, the dudes that front and make excuses, and the dudes who are just confused. You can be either one of a couple of those, but you cant assume everyone is frontin
      My recent post #30in30 Day 16: Alias 2 – Final Pen Name & Quick Thoughts on Google Plus

      • Bree

        Streetz it's excuses because nobody is ever good enough. I've learned over the years that all the couples I know who have had long lasting relationships sometimes didn't even like each other when they first met. Some couples had things they didn't like about each other. But if the good outweighed the bad and they seriously wanted to be in a relationship and were realistic about dealing with problems and issues, they stuck with each other. Some people, men and women, are just ridiculously picky and thats why their single. This was me when I was in my 20's. Ridiculously picky and thats why I was single. Reality is everybody has issues and stuff wrong with them. Nobody is perfect. So if your constantly kicking people to the curb then more often than not it's you, not them.

        • Bree

          I'm not saying everyone is frontin, but if your "never satisfied" with anyone you meet/date, yet always lamenting about how you want to be in a relationship so bad, you hate dating, you don't like being single and wish you had somebody then thats an issue. Bottom line is in order to be with anyone you will have to deal with some imperfections on some level, just like your partner will have to deal with yours. Nobody that I've ever known has ever had a relationship where they never ever once argued or had some problems if they were together for a long time, like 5 or 10 plus years. As they say "you can't have your cake and eat it too."
          So thats my thing. The guys I know that front and have 101 excuses are the very ones saying they want a serious relationship and they want to get married one day and have kids or whatever. But if your not willing to do the things you will have to do in order for that to happen, then imo no you really don't want a relationship. You may want the perks, but if your not willing to put in the work, it's not gonna happen.

    • CPT Callamity

      It's not so much "fear of commitment" as much as "fear of committing to the wrong chick."
      I still like how you all sort of marginalize men's rationale for not locking someone down with some sort of phobia. If a man has options, he's less inclined to lock down the first thing with vaj.

      • Bree

        "It's not so much "fear of commitment" as much as "fear of committing to the wrong chick."
        This I believe is very true for many men….this is what I've been told.
        That fear constantly holds them back and becomes greater than the possibility of them meeting the love of their lives.

        • CPT Callam

          Meeting the love of their lives is a big game of chance, luck and positioning. There are people twice my age over who have never found it and such is life. I hate to say it but that's a very romantic connotation and it isn't realistic for a lot of people. Men will figure out what they need to do to get what they want either through trial and error or hard lessons, not a romantic ideal which I very seldom hear them uttering from their mouths.

  • NYLA

    Hmmmm, this article really broke it down… for BOYS. I'm yet to meet any real MEN that feel this way and would agree.

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

    My preferred state of being is in a relationship BUT I’m perfectly content being single. Not because I’m a “player” or any of that BS. I’ve spoken about this before, I’m actually closer to introverted than extroverted so I just prefer to be alone than in a group as it is. I like being in a relationship but sometimes I like being by my got-damn-self too. Lol

    Also, I think the people who don’t like being single are also the same people who are generally unlucky in love. When I want to meet someone, know what I do? I go outside and approach women until I find one that likes my ass. I definitely don’t sit around in my home lamenting over a problem I am perfectly capable of correcting. Im reading some of these comments that seem to apply that being in any relationship is naturally better than being single. I think it’s whatever works best for you. Not everyone that’s single is miserable just like not everyone that’s in a relationship is happy.

  • CAP

    This is a great assessment of why the Single stay Single. I think all of the same aspects are true for why some women won't commit. FYI there is a small percentage of women who weren't born dreaming of their wedding day. Although this concept is less acceptable when associated with women I think it just depends on the person, male or female. But for anyone who can't figure out why then can't get their Boo Thang to commit, Streetz has just given away the game!

    Latest Post: I’m Not Saying She’s a Gold Digger!

    • CAP
    • UmmYeahOK

      I am one of those women! I NEVER had the "little girl dreaming of her wedding day" thoughts. As an adult, I do think about marriage, but at 33, it's still not at the forefront of my mind. I am terrified of marrying the wrong man. I narrowly escaped two marriage proposals in my early and late 20s. Thank you GOD!

  • CPT Callamity

    If a woman wants to know why I'm single all she has to do is ask. I have no problem saying it's by choice and I am being completely honest when I say that.
    There have been times where I thought I would want to be in a relationship, but somewhere in the getting to know you process, something fell apart. I also notice that there is a sense of urgency which I'm not going to be held hostage to, such as meeting someone and within 5 weeks being asked "so where is this going?" Then the shaming about being committed or being afraid of it comes out. I don't fear commitment, it isn't appealing to me. Yes, I'm one of those single guys that was used to be alone for long stretches of time and never was quite on the same page with a lot of women having to be very autonomous from a young age. Now that I'm older, there isn't a NEED as much as a "it would be nice" type feeling to have a partner. A lot of it has to do with how the relationship is being "sold." Contrary to popular belief, there are men that know exactly what they want or at least the 80% skillset they require in order to lock someone down. I've been close but haven't quite gotten it down yet. Simple things about how I think and what I believe disqualifies me of a lot of that so my hunt is a lot harder.

    Funny this came up as I was reading an article on the Root about Black men and marriage this morning. The same thing applies here. I would simply need a reason to get married/lock it down and if not given a really good reason, decline to commit to it. I am this way with any major deal, contract or business arrangement and love is not excluded from that line of thinking. Don't worry there are still dudes out here who want to be bunned up in a heartbeat and they usually are. Some of us move a bit slower and we're watching…real carefully…

  • Djk

    Might work for men, but it takes weeks to "break in" a new boyfriend in bed. Here's news for you stud: You might be enjoying it but in the meantime, she's faking it and getting you to make subtle changes until you get it right.

    • UmmYeahOK

      Yep!

  • http://www.TheOsarianReport.Com Khenis Osarian

    Especially Injoyed The References To The Ego! Because As Quiet As Its Kept, Much Of A Man's Personal Magnetism Can Be Derived From His Answer To This Question: HOW STRONG IS YOUR EGO?? IS IT TOO BIG?? OR TOO SMALL??

    The Ego Is Probably The Most Misunderstood Aspect Of The Human Psyche! Most Don't Hava Clue WTF It Really Is Or The Vitally Important Purpose It Serves In Our Lives! The Cowardly, Hypocritical Ego Bashing That Goes On In The "Semi-Conscious" Community Is Mind Blowing! They Say "Kill The Ego!!" I Say "STRENGTHEN IT!!"

    Im Developing A Video Series For My Members Called "STRENGTHENING THE EGO FOR SPIRITUAL EMPOWERMENT!" And Created A Special Ego Test For My Ppl! If You Wanna See Your Personal & Sexual Magnetism REALLY Go Through The Effn Roof? TAKE THE OSARIAN EGO TEST TODAY!! You'll Thank Me Later! Peace To All! ~~Khenis https://www.facebook.com/TheOsarianReport?v=app_1

  • http://twitter.com/mrcromartie1989 @mrcromartie1989

    What if I've only been single though? I'm considering saving up for therapy at this point, I think with as young and "handsome" as I am 23 is starting to be too late for a first kiss.

  • SouthernBelle

    testing

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  • kaye

    This was an amazing post. I love reading the feedback from the MEN. Women please listen..u are not at single blackwoman. Listen to what THEY are saying. They are telling the hard truth b/c they aren’t trying to smash you.

    Bump..more male responses to the post pls!