One of the more popular… Let me start over. One of the most read, which doesn’t necessarily make it popular, posts on my personal site before I shut it down was a post called, Why He Married the Regular Girl. It was also featured on TheFreshXpress before they shut down. Since SBM is still going strong, I thought I’d re-post this content for old and new readers. If you’re new, hope you enjoy. If you’ve read it before, I hope you’ll share if your thoughts have changed. I started to edit the post to reflect my more up-to-date views, but I didn’t think that’d be fair. I’ll use the comment section to reflect those.
Why He Married the Regular Girl
Originally Published: April 2011
Women are more superficial than men. The fairer sex will try to convince you otherwise but they’re lying. Know why? Women judge men and women. They might even judge women harsher than they do men.
Have you ever had a discussion with a woman who sees another perfectly regular (or ugly) married woman, a regular woman who is about to get married or even a regular woman in what appears to be a happy relationship? What’s the first comment they make? They don’t say, “I’m sure she has a wonderful personality.” No, they wonder, “Why is he with that regular/ugly girl?!”
As a side note, I used the term “regular” on Twitter and some got offended. Honestly, I don’t know why. Look, not everyone is top tier beautiful. This is a fact. For clarification, when I’m talking about “regular” I am specifically talking about looks. On a 1 – 10 scale, a woman on the cusp of 5 – 6. Someone has to be a 1 – 5 just like someone has to be a 6 – 10.
Pertaining to this blog, I could care less about personality or any other attribute that may contribute or take away from a woman being a diserable mate. Looks and looks only. Besides, looks are all you have to go on when you judge that woman from across the street /office / Twitter/ Facebook, so there’s no need to act like you’re un-shallow simply to prove me wrong.
I’ve noticed two main questions crop up from women: Why does a man that has everything going for himself settle down with a regular woman in the first place and in doing so, will he remain faithful?
Why is he with the regular girl?
The most obvious reason is that he gave up pursuing beautiful women. Men are simple. I often compare them to water. Sure, their direction can be molded but 9 times out of 10, they simply pursue the path of least resistance. Obviously, going for women below your league or even in your league is easier than going for women out of your league. However, I don’t think this is the main reason.
There are two other related factors. Both are stereotypes and I’m not shying away from that fact. Many stereotypes have legitimate origins but you can believe what you want.
1) In my opinion, a lot of pretty women have issues. As far as men are concerned, all women have issues but pretty women have more. I don’t know why but it could be as simple as because people allow them to. Most men know or will eventually learn that if you deal with enough pretty women, you’re going to have to put up with some extra sh*t. More sh*t than you would with your average regular woman. For example – and I’m still stereotyping here – pretty women tend to have less developed personalities, consistently rank higher on the crazy scale, expect more for less in generally every aspect of life, and perhaps the most obvious, because they are pretty, sometimes rely heavily on their looks to get what they want – and are shocked if/when this tactic fails.
I’m not saying awesome pretty women don’t exist. They do. I will, however, argue that you will find far more regular women typically exceed pretty woman in all categories but looks. In my opinion, the race isn’t even close.
In the interest of accounting for my bias, I will concede this may be based on the relative population of the two. Men know women are not equally distributed in looks across a scale of 1 – 10 but EVEN IT THEY WERE, while beauty may be in the eye of the beholder, even a 5th grader is smart enough to tell you that simple math dictates there would be less 10s available in the population than 1 – 9s combined. Therefore, odds are there are less extremely attractive women (10s) than regular women (1 – 6s) to choose from.
2) I believe – and @DrJayJack, for one, disagrees – men become less superficial with age. Older men are also less willing to put up with as much random crap from a pretty woman simply because she is pretty. I guess it’s not that men’s preferences change, it’s that we realize there is more to sustaining our happiness than a woman’s looks alone. If I had to assign a time frame for the average man I’d say it’s post age 25. Not coincidentally, this is when most men seriously consider getting married (according to Newsweek, the national average is 27).
Around this age men finally begin to weigh pros and cons with greater accuracy: Do you want to put up with the FINE woman with the personality of a rock, who sucks in bed without sucking in bed and doesn’t provide you with much overall satisfaction beyond her looks – for the rest of your life? Or do you stop putting so much emphasis on looks and find a woman you genuinely like for reasons extending beyond her superficial attributes?
For many men it is a truly shocking experience to enjoy spending time with a woman when sex is not the first or only thing on his mind. It takes even longer for (most) men to accept such satisfaction may not be wrapped in the body of a 10.
Will a man remain faithful to a regular woman?
I spent the majority of this post focusing on the former question because it makes answering this question simple. Look, if a man wants to cheat he is going to cheat. If a man wants to be faithful, he will be faithful. You can be pretty, ugly or anywhere in between and these facts remain the same.
Even if a man is with a woman you/I/we perceive as ugly, it is very possible he is perfectly happy with her, and she may very well satisfy him in ways a “pretty” woman never could as far as he is concerned. Additionally, beauty is highly subjective – but that’s another discussion.
My point is that happy – and more importantly, satisfied – men don’t need/want to cheat.
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Fellas, keep me honest. Are the points above accurate? Why do men spend years dating/ pursuing/ talking about the model prototypes they are allegedly going to marry, then turn around and settle down with the regular / cute / basic girl? Why do men who are perfectly capable of getting with “model types” suddenly leave those types alone when pursuing a wife? Can men remain faithful to regular women?
Ladies, you asked a lot of questions when I brought this topic up. I think I addressed most but let me know if I missed anything. For my own curiosity, do you find being labeled a “regular” woman offensive?