Why Do Women Get Angry At Men For No Reason?

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As part of my #30in30 series at Streetztalk, I tackled the topic of men getting angry at women for “no reason”. I wanted to share it with the SBM fam. Check it out.

I was cruising down the boulevards of Instagram last night when the picture above danced across my timeline. These SomeEcards are super hilarious by the way. This particular card held an abundance of truths. What amazed me even more about this premise is that all the women who commented on this pic cosigned it fully! It’s no secret that men feel women will spazz on them for no apparent reason, but the illustration above gives us a little more insight into how women use a technique I like to refer to as the Delayed Reacting Maneuver when communicating with men.

The Delayed Reacting Maneuver is used by women to convey anger or disapproval towards men for a situation which didn’t necessarily occur at the time in which they exhibit said anger. An unrelated catalyst from “situation zero” provided by men triggers this reaction and leaves men bewildered. This catalyst could be either verbal or nonverbal communication. Let me give you an example.

Tyrone: What’s up Angie?

Angie: Oh nothing, just chilling you?

Tyrone: You know same old. Hey did you borrow my pen? I can’t find it and I’m sure I lent it to you yesterday

Angie: WHY YOU ALWAYS GOTTA ACCUSE ME OF SOME BULLSH*T?!! I DONT NEED YOUR F*CKIN PEN, THANK YOU!!! YOU STAY THINKING I WANT ANYTHING FROM YOU!! UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

Tyrone: “Damn… Was it that serious?”

To check out the rest of the article click here, and lets discuss. Women do you agree with my premise? Any examples to share? Men share your horror stories with us.

Don’t scream at me for buying Popeyes instead of Chipotle,

Streetz

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  • Suni

    Yes, we women do this but I wouldn't necessarily say it's a calculated response. I may let something slide until it happens again, like in the example above, but I don't whip my response out of my back pocket like that, lol.

    I think it has everything to do with men being more prone to compartmentalizing and we women having multiple windows of information open at once. I liken it to a computer browser–we can have quite a few things going on in our heads. Whatever is happening for the moment is the "main" window, but other things can be "running" in the background. In this way, a prior issue can be in my head and when that window comes to the forefront again, so does all of the emotions. Again, it's not on purpose (though it certainly can be possible for some and depending on the situation).

    This isn't right or wrong, I just have to be sure I do my best to settle issues and speak up if I'm still bothered by it. When I had a boyfriend, he would ask "Are we cool?" or something to that effect if he could tell I was feeling some kind of way about something, even if he thought it was stupid.

    • Streetz

      Your second paragraph >>> thats real rap right there!
      My recent post #30in30 Day 29: Made You Look!

    • Adonis

      Thanks Suni, you broke that down real smooth

    • MissUnderstood

      THIS.

  • Ms. Smart

    She might not like you. She might be disappointed in who she chose to align herself with. She might only be with you because you're the best she can get. Whatever it is you are doing right before the blow up reminds her of all of that. But it could be worse. She could go the route of Superhead and tweet a list of things about you that she's unhappy with (http://thehypelifemag.com/2012/03/08/karrine-super-head-steffans-blasts-new-husband-in-explosive-twitter-rant/)

    Or…

    She might be a mean-spirited woman who, if she thought she could win or get away with it, would be physically abusive to you. Instead, she scales it back to being verbally abusive to demonstrate her frustration.

    • Mark

      LOL..Blame it on the Guy…

      • Ms. Smart

        Not blaming the guy. You saw where I wrote, 'she chose to align herself with' and 'she might be a mean spirited woman'. How does that blame the man?

    • Muze

      that superhead blast was so wild. smh. just mean.

    • bree

      Or she could be the type of woman who wants her ass kissed and everyone to agree with everything she says like it's gospel and when you don't it's a problem. She may want you to think exactly like her and anticipate all her wants, needs and desires, and when u don't it's a problem.

      • Ms. Smart

        And none of that has anything to do with the man. Often, the stuff people do to others, has nothing to do with the others.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    A lot of times it's her letting him off the hook for something she wasn't quite ready to yet so she finds something anything else to be mad at. Eventually the real issue comes up but she rarely takes the time out to plan her attack she just kinda wings it. My ex was good for turning apple into an orange, can turn "where's my keys" to "when you went out to lunch with a female friend 2 months ago"
    My recent post Today’s Word is… FATHERHOOD

    • Streetz

      Which is why i say to address it then and there! Avoids extra struggle
      My recent post #30in30 Day 29: Made You Look!

      • Bree

        Ur right Streetz, but thats easier said than done for many people.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

        we addressed it when it happened, but double jeopardy doesnt count in relationships

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

    Women be trippin and men be letting them.

    • Paul B.

      Sad but true. We talk about what women tolerate from men, but rarely talk about what men tolerate from women. Contrary to popular belief, men have to deal with some stuff too for the sake of a relationship since women aren't perfect either. It's adjustments that have to be made and restraint has to be shown on our side, and trust we can get fed up too.

      • Bree

        Paul B. your right, men do tolerate a lot from women because they don’t want to be in the “doghouse” because then they won’t be in the bedroom and won’t get sex. Thee End.

    • Bree

      And why do "men be letting them.?

      • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

        In addition to what Hugh outlined below – meaning you can’t debate feelings with logic (Have you ever successfully told a woman to calm down, for example – men choose the battles they fight. Most men are strategic fighters. Women win wars thru guerilla war fare tactics and attrition. lol Men prefer a one-hit knock out. Thus, we usually dedicate are resources to only really important battles or the few and far between battles where we want to go to bat to win by any means necessary, which is rare.

        Frankly, I don’t think as much things bother men as bother women. In the confines of a relationship I’m more likely to forgive and forget (assuming I can even remember). Women, in some cases, neither truly forgive or forget even if they pretend to have done both. As Ms. Smart said above, I know my strengths and I know my weaknesses – and having a mental battle with my woman is not a strength. If she wants to win, it’s not like she is going to fight fair anyway. *shrugs*

        Still love y’all tho.

        • Bree

          "Frankly, I don't think as much things bother men as bother women." This is true Wis. __Advice for men – whatever your lady is upset about, act like it means as much to you as it does to her. Even if you could care less, act like you do out of love for her. Honestly, what means a lot to the ones you love, should mean a lot to you, because it means a lot to them.

        • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

          I love you like a play cousin, Bree, but it’s statements like Honestly, what means a lot to the ones you love, should mean a lot to you, because it means a lot to them. which can only lead me to conclude that women must be cr…

          Know what? Never mind. :-)

        • Paul B.

          especially when that same logic isn't reciprocated. When a woman has a problem, we're expected to drop everything and move heaven and earth to address the problem, when we have a problem with something they're doing, it's one of two things with them: suck it up and be a man, or if they're so terrible, why are we with them when we didn't say they were terrible girlfriends/wives, but that we have a problem with something they're doing/not doing.

  • Bree

    Women do you agree with my premise? No, women rarely get angry for no reason, most men are just clueless about the reasons or could care less about them.
    I think many people let stuff stew and simmer instead of bringing up issues right then and there. In fact this is what puts most folks in therapy. Stuff isn't addressed the second it happens right from the door. It marinates and then something is said or done to set the person off and everything they were pissed about way back when comes to the forefront. Because it's something that didn't mean much to the man in the first place, he doesn't even recall the issue or incident the woman is upset about. This is typically the point where the confusion comes in.
    I don't have this problem because I believe in nipping things in the bud and I speak my mind. So if I feel some type of way about something I usually say it right away.

  • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

    It’s not no reason to a woman. I learned alot watching my mother growing up. No matter how a woman acts or reacts, something we, or a dude before us did will generally be the catalyst for it. It’d help more men if we analyzed situations. Admittedly it’s not all the time, but there are cues even somewhat imperceptible ones that women give off when they’re upset. Learn and understand these, and we’ll make some inroads into knowing why women seemingly get mad for nothing.

  • CPT Callamity

    Some of you all are better than me if you accept a woman just snapping and trying to say it's in her nature. The moment I first experience that snap, I know exactly where it's going. You're either being tested (to see if you can "handle" her) or she seriously has some emotional issues. I don't take the excuse about hormones, time of the month or none of that nonsense. If you can't curb your emotions and check yourself, don't expect me to do it. I talk with my feet.

    • ooh ok…

      hmmmm…last sentence? ditto

  • 2cool4school

    Wow this hits so close to home. My name is 2cool4school and I’m a spaz-ahoilc. I’d like to think I’ve turned my life around. I used to wild out on guys and they used to take it which I used as an ok to continue. You know what they say about crazy chicks. It wasn’t until I my then boyfriend checked me that I stopped it. I respected his opinion and realized I was transferring previous hurts on him. The result, I went and got professional help. Not saying everyone needs to go that route but, I would hate to think that I someone I loved felt they had to walk on eggshells around me its really stressful.

    • ooh ok…

      Honestly…ALOT of ppl need therapy.
      I remember a friend of mine dated a counselor that needed counseling! LOL..needless to say they broke up.
      But yea…before the relationship Im in now, I would be the only sane person .
      (Now, 1 1/2 lol j/k)
      Ppl think its just women, but men can go crazy too, and thats scary.

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    One thing I’ve learned from this website is a statement someone made in the comments section (sorry, can’t remember who). She said, paraphrasing, “don’t ask me to explain my feelings or ask for the logic in my feelings; they are feelings, they aren’t supposed to be logical.” That statement, ironically, was perfectly logical. It made perfect sense and was a true eye-opener.

    So to answer the question, “why do women get angry at men for no reason?” It’s because there is no reason. Just feelings. If a man did something six weeks ago, she may have been mad then, but didn’t say anything. But whenever the mood or feeling hits, (in other words, not reason or logic), she’ll go into the past and get mad all over again.

    She’s literally saying, “I’m feeling angry! Oh wait, here’s something else to fuel my anger so I can indulge in this feeling!”

    We still love y’all though.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    LOL @ the post!

    For me, I'm a spazzer. I go from 0 to infinity in a flash…and I'm a bridge burner, lol. Now that I'll be charged as an adult…and can't exactly cut certain folks off at this point in my life, I really try not to flip out or get that angry. So, when instances initally occur, I don't react at all. I internalize and analyze it…planning my reaction carefully. Then, the next time it happens, I'm prepared. Or, if I don't wanna wait till the next time, I'm as calm as possible and prepared for the confrontation which helps to keep me from flying off.

  • dennis

    Let me preface this by saying:

    1) Ladies, we love y'all;
    2) We men get crazy, too.

    Now that THAT is out of the way… Ladies, the biggest reason why y'all do this is because you don't get outside of your own heads to think about why your man did what he did. Even if it's something you have every right to flip out on, you'll do it for whatever reason you come up with in your head, which is usually worse than the true reason! Generally, when you've got your grudge on, you're not thinking about any alternative hypothesis of WHY what you thought was some egregious act, was done.

    So, maybe if, every now and then, you can stop yourself, try to get out of your own head, and come up with alternative reasons of why your man did some stupid s***, you won't work yourself up so much. Then again . . .

    • cynicaloptmst81

      "Even if it's something you have every right to flip out on, you'll do it for whatever reason you come up with in your head, which is usually worse than the true reason! Generally, when you've got your grudge on, you're not thinking about any alternative hypothesis of WHY what you thought was some egregious act, was done."

      OMG! LMBO! I just had to admit to this Tuesday night! Much truth here. #ashamed

      But, the reason why we don't ask is because we don't want to give you a platform to lie and say we're wrong when we're actually right. I guess that's where trust comes into play. If you trust him, take his word for it…

    • Paul B.

      This.

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  • http://twitter.com/CandaceyD @CandaceyD

    Women don't get mad for know reason. It just means more to you than them, or it's something that's been building for a long time, or maybe you genuinely screwed up. I prefer not to flip out at all.I'm a slow boiler and i take time to think things over rather than blow my top. The only time i really get confrontational is if someone is avoiding the issue for so long that i have no choice. But i now that a lot of people in general aren't like that.

  • BreBre

    I have come to learn that a woman spazzing, is never for no reason. It may be a miscommunicated reason, a reason based on false premises or perceptions, or even a petty, insignificant reason, buts its never NO reason at all. Men (really people in general) have to respect the fact that different situations bother different people and cause different reactions. Not everyone is born with ability to react to things in a way YOU see fit. Maybe they delay it cause they need time to really think about how they want to address it. Maybe yelling is the only way they know HOW to address how they feel. Regardless, know its never for no reason, its just a reason you may not understand or validate.

  • Billy

    I've been dating a woman who can go from 0 to nasty in 1.2 seconds for no reason at all and it has happened several times after having a nice dinner or outing with her. She has no problems cutting me down in front of others which is quite embarrassing. I never see it coming either. I've had times where she will verbally attack me, make accusations and tell me everything that's wrong with me, My friends and acquaintances looked shocked when they witness this. She can spend 5 minutes yelling at me and end it with " you know I love you lets not fight". I'm not a doctor but she either has an alcohol problem, bipolar or brain tumor. I want nothing to do with this woman yet she always seems to find me around town, have had to block her phone calls and emails. Am so tired of hearing her say how much she loves me and seems to completely forget about all the verbal attacks in public. She doesn't need a man, she needs a whipping boy! If someone doesn't treat you right (male or female) don't walk run!

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