Dating Women With Kids

The expectation that you will date into your late twenties and not deal with someone with a kid is probably high hopes. I mean, the dating pool doesn’t work that way. Let me say this up front, I’m a fan of dating women with kids. I won’t tell a person you shouldn’t date her because she has kids. I may tell you that you don’t want to date her because she doesn’t have a good handle on the situation like she should and that may be a sign. But truth be told, ain’t nothing all that bad about dating a woman with a kid or kids. I mean, you don’t want to walk into a Bebe’s kids situation, but you feel me.

In my time, I’ve dated a few women with a kid. It wasn’t really that bad. There’s that point of the relationship when you’re in the middle of her like, “… I can see why you have kids.” If you know what I mean, you know what I mean, and if you don’t hopefully one day you will. I dated one girl and she had her daughter when she was like 14, by the time we dated years later her child was almost ten, that was awkward. But it kind of worked out because her child’s father was good about coming through on weekends. The other one of note was a bad jawn, like, in the history of bad jawns she’s got to be top ten. The only problem with her was that, and if she reads this, I hope she don’t get mad but she didn’t have a good handle on her baby father. Like for one, he was mad verbally abusive, two he ain’t pay absolutely no child support, and three when I asked her about this she said, “I’m not trying to have my daughter knowing her father is in jail.” I really liked that girl though, but the relationship had to end when I was backed into a corner clinching some meat scissors. Long story, different day.

But there are a few benefits of dating women with kids that people don’t always bring up. Like what? I’m glad you asked.

I’m not sure if you know this, but pregnancies suck ass. They really do. And if it’s not the pregnancy, I don’t know if you know this but a newborn baby is a bitch. The thing won’t sleep for longer than 4 hours and it needs to be fed. You can pretty much kiss a good night’s sleep goodbye for the first six months of the baby’s life. So if she already has kids, you have avoided that nasty experience and you can get some rest.

Now the thing about having your own kids is that you have to take care of them. That seems like the move but think about it this way; when you are dating someone who has their own kids, you really get to determine your level of involvement with those kids. You can be a cool guy who gives advice every now and then, but you don’t have to run to CVS the first time your girl’s 12 year old screams in the bathroom in the morning.

In my opinion, you can’t do better than dating a woman with kids who are just about to go to college. That means you date her for a couple years, you deal with a couple kids with adolescent problems. Bestow upon them some anecdotal advice, but you don’t have to take it too far as to hit Calvin Jr. in the chest for thinking he’s a man now. Next thing you know, it’s just you and moms just hanging out walking around bucky naked. And just so you know, when women get over that empty nest syndrome, they get extremely horny and freaky. Sounds like the move right?

Now what I’m trying to say to you is that, you can’t be afraid to date a woman with kids. It actually has some benefits that you probably haven’t considered. Now keep in mind, not every woman is like this. I’ve heard a woman say before, “I’m not looking for a man to sleep with, I’m looking for a man that’s going to be good for my son.” I don’t know if that worked out for her, but I’m just saying it happens. Truth be told, in the end you want to assist her and support her in any way you can and that may mean being involved in her children’s life. However, the point that was made here was if you’re thinking about dating a woman with a kid or kids, on the low, it might be the move!

- Dr. J

From Our Partners

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

    Agreed. I’ve gone on the record a number of times for saying I’m not against dating a woman with kids; although, I usually draw the line around 2. Three starts to get a bit unmanageable for me, personally. You covered a lot of the bases as far as dating a woman with kids – and the age of the child and the state of the relationship with the father are huge factors. I’ve dealt with “baby daddy” drama and it is not the move. Some baby daddies think “once mine, always mine” and you just aren’t going to overcome that type of ignorance. #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat as you said, I also leave it on her to manage her baby daddy and if she can’t, I’m out.

    Another bonus I’ve noticed about women with kids is they are generally pretty selfless. I can safely speak on this as a single person without kids. Single people are selfish. Two single people who are used to doing whatever they want whenever they want will inevitably bump heads. I’m not saying people with kids are perfect, but I am saying they have spent however many years raising a child whereby (hopefully) the child’s needs came before their own. They’re not only used to making sacrifices; they’re used to putting someone else needs before their own. I’ve found this has been a positive characteristic that carries over into the relationship. With two single people, this is usually a goal you have to work towards instead of it occurring naturally. My observations anyway but I’m sure a few self-proclaimed selfless single people will slander my good name and my mama before the day is out.

    - sent from iPhone

    • Dr. J

      My cousin has 6 kids. 3 kids is his, 3 kids his fiancee. He just loves kids, so it doesn't bother him at all.

      • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

        Yikes. I gotta draw the line somewhere. Although my homegirl did the same thing except it’s 4 kids each. I can only admire from afar when someone agrees to marry into a small army. They got the juice now.

  • Bitchujusmad.com

    I am sharing this. I hear SO MANY WOMEN saying that now that they have a child/children their dating lives are over. I did my best, most fruitful, and most fun dating when I was a young single mom. You weed out a lot of useless men who don't want to date women with children up front, the the ones that ARE receptive to dating you understand your scheduling needs and abilities up front, and usually are totally fine accommodating your schedule as a mother. In addition to all of that, you are a better partner because, like WIM said above, you become so open to the needs of others as a parent.

    Another thing that really helped me was the changing my body did during and post childbirth. I am not necessarily a pillar of self confidence, by any means, but my ownership of my body was monumental. I think I just became much more aware of my own body, and the things that were pleasurable to me. I really do think that aided in post-childbirth sex being much better for me than it was prior to having my children. I can't speak for my partner(s) but I feel like I was doing my mom thing.

    The ONLY thing I would advise single men dating single moms to do is be sure she is right in the head with respect to your desire for children. If you are open to giving her more children, cool. But, this is a woman who was experienced pregnancy, childbirth and having a newborn. She might want that old thing back. Make sure to set and establish limits on what you do and don't want from her.

    My recent post He’s Been Around

    • http://twitter.com/undefined @undefined

      Yes, perfectly stated!

      I always tell men that I do not want anymore children.

  • VzzyScorpio

    Applause to you and WIM on the good experiences. Myself, 0-3 in this department of dating. The problems that became prevalent or a trend was the ability for the mom to " 1. check her baby father 2. identify my role between myself and her child 3. Maturity. Their ability to handle their baby father in respect to attempting to date was all the way grey , no 50 shades. To the point I questioned like why am I around in a relationship capacity when really you need a weekend lover. And I just had to get that they will always be bonded to one another. And as a man you can either accept it or roll. If it nags you be out man. Per the second , man some days I could be mommy's special friend buying necessities , but let them get out of hand I could not say anything. 2/3 were really out of pocket to where I felt my inner bus driver. Its like man , do you see your breeding a hellions, boys at that. Respectfully, I would address this only to encounter and get hit with is " He's not your child. I got this" . So I bow out of the dating single mother game, perhaps Ill miss but Ill take my chances with the childless independent career woman.

  • http://www.max-logic.com maxfab

    "I’m not sure if you know this, but pregnancies suck ass."

    Yup.

  • Amy G

    Wonderful article and perspective from a man from a single parent! My son is 15 yrs old and I am the one that wants to start something serious once he’s off to college but dating is good for now!

  • slimjackson

    I've never considered dating a woman with a child(ren). I've spoken on this before and caught flack, as if choosing not to go that route means it's an assault on all women that have children. If there's one thing I can add to this discussion, it's that people can date according to whatever preferences they have — however silly or unfair you may find them. When you don't fall within one person's preferences, it's not an assault against you. Just keep it moving to someone else that's a better match.
    My recent post SBM Sports – Who’s in the Running for the 2013 NBA Championship?

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      +1 Slim. I hope folks didn’t take my comment above as an affront to single people without kids. Obviously I have and I am open to dating both. I simply see single mothers attacked sometimes – by men and women – and I find some, if not most, of the attacks without merit. Some people are messed up and it definitely didn’t take kid(s) to get them there.

  • Mother of 2

    Hmmm…. as a mother of 2 with a healthy dating and sex life post 1st preg, 2nd conceived by my current of 6 years (I see the need to specify in this forum), the feeling I got from this post was basically this all boils down to the fear of extra responsibility and the savoring of ones selfishness being of a single status.

    If a woman has her household in tact, then the last thing she would depend on is some random outside man for assistance, regardless of baby daddy being there or not. Are you worried about standing in as a father-figure or are you worried someone is going to ask you to do something for another human being that doesn't necessarily belongs to you? A woman with a child(ren) comes as a package, you can't be in a relationship with the woman and think that your relationship with her child doesn't matter. After I had my first, if "baby" didn't like that negro, neither did I and that's what it boiled down to. And YES! his father is in his life, with NO drama. So I def wasn't looking for a back up plan.

    • Mother of 2

      Your points that you give for the perks of dating a woman with kids all sum up around what lack of responsibility you will have to/willing to maintain (IMO) Pregnancy and the newborn: if it's not your child, then it's not your experience to enjoy and you can't really voice a "good" opinion if you don't have a child of your own (ownership makes all the difference) Caretaking: you go on to say what you are willing to do and what you DON'T have to do. You failed to realize that we mothers have options too which could also disclude you. Kids in college? Pretty explanatory being that her job is somewhat done as being the nurturer which leads all the attention back to you.

  • nayonowen

    Wow, i always thought MEN viewed women with children as “baggage”. not too trusting on this post.

    i have seen many females cry over a man screwing on her and leaving a hole in her child/children lives. i wonder if men view single females with kid/kids as an easy lay. please dont think all single mom’s are jobless and dependent on gov’t money and housing. they are holding down good jobs, making good financial decisions on their children futures and enjoying life with vacations and fun family days. also i believe men will take a female who is divorce more seriously than a young girl with several children by different men. i do have my opinion on that topic but that will be left for a different day.

    • slimjackson

      I don't think it's wise to lump all men into one category. Too many men date women with children to say "all men view women with children as baggage."
      My recent post SBM Sports – Who’s in the Running for the 2013 NBA Championship?

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      also i believe men will take a female who is divorce more seriously than a young girl with several children by different men. i do have my opinion on that topic but that will be left for a different day.

      I’d actually be very interested in hearing yours (and others) opinion on this topic. Evaluate I’ve debated writing about it – whether a person has children from multiple partners, marriage, or at all makes a major difference. I can definitely say I view a woman with kids from a serious relationship (one parent) or from marriage differently than I view women with multiple baby daddies.

  • RealGoesRight

    Definitely not interested in dating women with children. Wrote about it. Tweeted about it. Got slandered to the high heavens and still didn't care. I respect any man who's willing to deal with it. And I'm not saying there's anything wrong with women who have children or that they're terrible people. They're just not my preference and I'd prefer to steer clear of them in all dating situations for as long as I can help it.
    My recent post #30For30 Day 30 – New Endings, Old Beginnings

    • Bellat01

      I respect your honesty. As a mother, I prefer that you are upfront. Nobody should slander you to the high heavens!

  • Angel

    I’m a 28 yr old single black female with no kids, and I don’t date men with kids. They may be wonderful men and we can be great friends, but a relationship with them is not for me. Those who act like people who don’t want to date others with kids are selfish or bad people. That’s just silly. I date to find a future spouse, so if I’m dating a man with kids then I do expect that they would be a major part of the relationship if the end goal is marriage. And I simply prefer to experience pregnancy and childrearing with my spouse as a new and first-time experience for both of us. And don’t desire to have to maintain a relationship with any of his exes, which I would generally have to do if he has a child by another woman.

    All of the ‘perks’ named above seem to count on the man not wanting to have any children of his own. If you are a person who likes kids but doesn’t want to have any, then dating someone with kids makes sense. Otherwise, it’s simply a matter of personal preference and people shouldn’t be judged either way…

    • blackademic

      "And I simply prefer to experience pregnancy and childrearing with my spouse as a new and first-time experience for both of us."

      There is honesty in this strong sentiment. Are you also a virgin?

      • blackademic

        Sorry the question offended, but it was sincere. If one "simply" places a priority on pregnancy "with [one's] spouse as a new and first-time experience," this would suggest the same attitude toward sex–especially given the close relation between sex and pregnancy.

        Or, instead of trying to come up with a romantic rationale, one simply might admit preferring not to deal with various issues likely to surround a would-be partner who has kids. (Btw, the romantic rationale also would rule out a would-be partner whose spouse and child had died.)

  • The Guy

    I had the baddest MILF like 2 yrs ago but shy'd away, smh don't know what i was thinking.

  • LisaLisa

    Wonderful Post, excellent BUT i'm a 24 year old single BLACK female, lol with NO KIDS! i have friends who have children and they are dating but i dont see how? they work hard and they are wonderful mothers with the guidence of their moms but this post clearly explains some of the things i have been pondering upon. But dating a guy with kids are a dealbreaker, and i know that im losing out on some nice guys but its hard. as a woman i kinda nag about where are the good brothers but they have kids!!!! so i feel like if i am doing whats possible to NOT have kids right now a Guy should do the same. and i know this is a diffrent topic by itself but……its a sticky situation. maybe i need a open up a little more, maybe?

    • Peter Parker

      Can you please elaborate on your comments. All good brothers have kids?? You lost me on that one…

  • slimjackson

    "as a woman i kinda nag about where are the good brothers but they have kids!!!! so i feel like if i am doing whats possible to NOT have kids right now a Guy should do the same. and i know this is a diffrent topic by itself but…."

    Never heard a woman say good men are in low supply because they're all fathers. I am intrigued.
    My recent post SBM Sports – Who’s in the Running for the 2013 NBA Championship?

  • Adonis

    correction: "home state"

  • Streetz

    I date women with kid. Kid(s) would be an issue for me. For me, its more of whether or not the woman is looking for afather figure for her kid as ther primary goal ffor dating as opposed to having the kid itself. Dont like deraling with baby mama/daddy drama and if thats not there, Im cool.

    Women with kids shouldnt be stricken form the record. Mothers are great people.
    My recent post Morning Motivation: Overcoming The Most Annoying Week of 2012

  • cynicaloptmst81

    I think you should seek and be open to the best partner for you. Period. If the circumstances that come with the partner present a problem that cannot be worked out, you cut ties and move on. Preferences are cool…we all have them…but I think that reality should cancel things out instead of ASSUMING you won't like 'X' or can't deal with 'Y'.

    Its funny…I have 2 kids from a previous marriage and I've NEVER been in a relationship with a man with children of his own, lol. Not cause I'm not open…it just hasn't worked out that way. My boys (8 & 5) already have a Daddy…who's super involved both physically and financially…and I simply want a man of GOOD CHARACTER for myself who will support me in my support of them. Like really…thats ALL I want.

    • Magg

      "reality should cancel things out instead of ASSUMING you won't like 'X' or can't deal with 'Y'. "

      Men with kids was the biggest NO NO on my list of NO NO!!! … Until i dated this guy with 2 KIDS, super organized and whose babymama was EXTREMELY NICE (can u believe that… )…

      Life is crazy… Im sure God is laughing HARD at mine!

  • BlueSteele

    Single, no kids but willing to date a guy with one, two tops if from the same mother but even that makes me go hmmm. I'll explain.

    I date with marriage in mind so jumping into a ready-made family is not the business. On top of that I only want 1 kid of my own (if pregnancy isn't too terrible I'll give you two, tops). Insert guy with one child already, I get two for the price of one (single and selfish, sue me). Now pending love, happiness and all the rest and absent any BM drama, I'm prepared to treat your kid like my own, cool.

    Insert second kid. If they're years apart by the same woman I'll wonder if a) you value marriage at all and why you didn't marry this woman yet felt comfortable giving her two kids and b) is that previous relationship REALLY over?

    If both kids are by different women, I'll have a hard time not assuming you're reckless and don't value marriage *exit stage left*. But of course I'll evaluate on a case-by-case basis.

    If # of babies>2, nah son!

    Being young, single and w/o kids, I'd ideally date someone who brings a similar (read: comfortable) situation to the table. However, once you start dating men in their late twenties to mid thirties, the reality is that many men already have a kid. No big deal as long as his situation is in tact and he's not expecting me to swoop in and play captain save 'em.

  • SingLikeSassy

    Divorced, no children and before I married I didn't date dudes with kids. I just didn't. No shade on daddies, I just know it wasn't for me as I wanted my first baby to be my husband's first baby.

    Now, I'm open to it, but I will say that a never-married dude with more than one child would have to be fabulous in some way to get my attention.

  • bigbadbebe

    As a single mom of three, let me just chime in here. Not all single moms are looking for a father figure for their kids. Not all single moms have the drama. So please stop lumping us all together! It is every person's right to date whom they choose, for what ever reasons they may have. I am currently dating a few men, and one thing that is for sure is until I know how I feel abut the man, he will get nowhere near my kids. It has gotten to the point where, within the first conversation with someone new, I let them know about my kids. That way if they want to bounce they can, no harm no foul. As a single mom, it is very discouraging to have a guy tell you that they will screw you but would never get serious because of your kids. Its like society punishes moms who decided not to abort or adopt. We are judged by that one qualifier instead of all the the great attributes we posses. I am not looking for someone to take the load off of me, and many times will tell a guy not to worry about what I will do with my kids when we go on a date. It's not their issue, and obviously I have it worked out or else we wouldn't be going out. I know I'm all over the place but my rant is done!

    • believeInLove

      "Its like society punishes moms who decided not to abort or adopt"

      I agree with this 1000x over.We are judged as if all these people were born to parents who stayed married.Congrats on your 3 miracles! We did not take the easy way out and we actually valued our child(ren) life(lives). I became a pregnant widow at 22 who gave birth to a child I knew would never met his father.I am almost 26 now and engaged.When guys knew I was single some who had never really let me know they were interested in me kept dropping hints about liking kids, and telling me they would date a woman with a child because of x amount of reasons.None of these men had kids of their own, so to say the least I was not expecting that.The whole time I was pregnant I did not realize this guy who is now my fiance was so interested in me and actually admired the strength he felt I displayed going through a death of a loved one and birth of a new love.I had no interest in being in a relationship or taking him seriously but he won me over and me and my son are happy.

  • Sandy

    I was crushed when my lover of three years left to be with another woman. I cried and sobbed every day, until it got so bad that I reached out to the Internet for help. I threw away so much money on fake spell casters – all for nothing – until I hit on the real thing. And that is you, Lord Shiva. You were different from all the rest – you are the diamond in the rough. Thank you from the depths of my soul! I am extremely happy now with Pete back and better. I hope God blesses you as much as He has blessed me. Love, visit him on ([email protected] or http://www.prophetofgoddess.com) he can be a great help to you all.

  • Dee

    Thank you for this. It encourages me, a single mom of two! I just ended a relationship because my "boyfriend" wasn't ready to even meet my children. I was constantly reminding him that I wasn't asking him to be anyone's father but that I needed him to understand ALL of me, which meant meeting the two most important parts of me. He didn't get it, and I just didn't have time for that! I know that the right man will come along that will be accepting of who I am and what comes with me… it's so nice to read this and know that not every man is going to be scared shitless over children.

    • zac

      Why though?

      He doesn't have to meet your kids! He can meet them when they're grown. Until the youngest turns 18, or at least in high school, you can keep your dating entirely separate from your children.

      He accepted you just by going out with you!

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    I have introduced him to a lot of couples with problems across the world and they have had good news. Just thought I should share my experience cause I strongly believe someone out there need’s it. You can email him through [email protected] or call his cell +2348155425481. Don’t give up just yet, the different between “Ordinary” & “Extra-Ordinary” is the “Extra” so make extra effort to save your marriage relationship if it’s truly worth it.

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  • M_H

    I am a male who is very interested in a woman that has a daughter thats about 5. Its hard for her to make much time because she doesn't have a reliable babysitter that can watch her daughter for us to go out on a date. She also is very cautious about bringing men around her daughter until she knows that they will be around for the long run (which i can respect). Well, I was just recently introduced to her child. My question is, what can I do to make this process easy? What can I do to show her that I'm all in for building a bond with her & and her child? Lastly, what can a man possibly do (as a good gesture) to make both mom & daughter smile on mothers day? Remind you, we just started dating a few weeks ago and mothers day is around the corner…

    I'm new to the whole "dating a woman with a child". I don't want to make the wrong impression.

  • brandy

    The hardest thing for me to come to terms with is the idea that I may not get married anytime soon. I've been a single mother since I was nineteen years old and I feel like I am judged for that, with no questions about why or how it happened, or even caring as to what went on but long story short, when a person has children, it's not always irresponsibility, sometimes it's the mind frame that's wrong. I will explain my situation without really going into detail and possibly suffer some judgement on that. I have three children and all of them have different fathers. The first one was done out of ignorance. Although I was nineteen, I didn't really know about birth control because well, I was never told about it. It's kind of hard to think about that sort of thing when you are always moving from place to place and never had anyone to parent you yourself, the longest length of time staying in a place is three years til you turn eighteen. Anyhow, I didn't think about birth control, didn't think of the possibility of getting pregnant, nor did I think about the future affect it would have on my son. He's nine and he's as bright as they come. A handsome young man.

    The second child I didn't care of the possibility of pregnancy because I hadn't had sex in two years and let's just say it was a purely sexual need that drove me to participate in the act. The worst part is the guy was older than me and it never occurred to him either. I got the hint afterwards when he asked me how fertile I was. I still didn't completely catch on though. I was twenty one and was so convinced he wanted to be with me but was suffering from the I can't get rid of my ex syndrome. (Yeah, I was that naive ) I believed he cared for me and he wanted to be with me but he just handn't gotten around to letting her know. I'm ashamed to say that I was really stupid back then. i didn't understand that a man is not willing to let a woman stay with him just to be nice. I thought since I would do something like that, let my ex stay with me when they didn't have a place to go, he'd be nice enough to do it too. (I learned that I am very unique and most people don't think the way I do.) Anyhow, he kept promising and never delivering, til finally I got mad and told the woman myself. He got mad at me of course, but he refused to talk to me after that. Then months later "they moved" and I was left by myself with baby number two in tow. All her doctors appointments and everything on my own. Any how, three years down the road, he still was begging me to give him another chance, never fully breaking away from his ex, but I told him go screw himself and I didn't want him and his window of opportunity had been closed. I then met my ex back in November of 2008 and got pregnant november of 2009. Problem with this? We were engaged to be married, I found out he cheated, told him I'd given him another chance despite that because well, I was pregnant and I really didn't want to do the parenting thing with all three on my own. So I said I'd let him stay but it was going to take time for forgiveness. We'd reached closer to our third year together when he pissed me off for the final time. We'd been having troubles since me finding out his infidelity and I tried telling him lets go to counseling, trying to suggest ways to help us cope with the problems and anxieties we were both feeling over different things. I even suggested he go back to his home town for a while, take a break. That didn't work. He refused to leave til one day he sit down and tells me there's no passion in our relationship anymore and we should just go our separate ways. By now I was all for it because I'd noticed the way he'd acted lately, as if nothing mattered and honestly, I was tired myself so I said ok. We split and haven't been together since. Two years ago come may of this year. I'm still single and part of me wants to be because I'm tired of the bs and doing things backward. Another part of me longs for a husband. A companion, not just boyfriend or fwb, but something worth having because I have always wanted that but the thing is finding a man that has the qualities I'm looking for who's willing to be with a woman with kids? That's difficult. Anyhow, if God wants it to happen it will but for now, I will focus more on me and my kids.

  • brandy

    You are right, women who have kids are more selfless. Not all are. The ones who are will be really good to the right man. I also think that we settle for men who don't deserve us because we struggle with the notion and fear that if we have kids we can't get a good man but I would rather be by myself than have half of a man or a portion of him. That's not worth it.

    Just because a woman has kids doesn't make her any less valuable. There are a lot of us out there who work hard to provide, protect and love our children. We strive to be mother and father and we are dedicated, loyal, and compassionate. We don't do everything right, but we are constantly growing and if we will move heaven and earth for our children, we'd do the same for our man.

    A man get tired of hearing flak for not dating a woman with kids, well we get tired of flak for having kids. We may have kids, but best believed there are lessons that are learned a long the way. Women who have one child just seemed to have learned that lesson early. Some women never learn it. (This does not apply to all mothers, just the single mothers who may not be involved with the man of their children.) Women who never learn just keep having children.

    I've learned many lessons and my first rule, don't buy what you hear. The person could be lying, and when you start to have feelings you really need to step back and examine the situation and don't act on your feelings all the time. Sometimes your feelings can get you trapped, where later down the road you pissed off and crying. Use logical thinking and look at the situation for what it really is before you get too deeply involved with a man. I don't think things just spring up out of the blue. Problems are made aware in the beginning and if you don't recognize them early on you're setting yourself up for failure.

    Just because he says he loves you and give you an engagement ring doesn't guarantee that ya'll are walking down that aisle. Something could happen to throw a monkey wrench into your relationship and mess the whole thing up.

    Don't ever disown God, he will at times be the only one to hear you. If you don't know him, get to know him because he's the best friend anyone especially parents can have. Learn to pray.

    Love your kids more than yourself. It's not their fault their there. Take responsibility for your own actions. Admit your own mistakes.

    If you don't have education or a good job, make your way to getting one because that will make you more independent and less needy. Have your own source of income, friends and communicate with family if you can.

    Lear to take care of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally. Grow and mature is the best thing for you. Love yourself first before you call yourself getting a man. Learn your worth and value as a woman with kids. Learn your benefits, and learn your down falls and never settle for less than your worth. (I'm not talking about buying a man's affection or thinking you are too good for a man) but you have a right just as any single parentless parent out there to find the right person and it just slightly change to include your kids.) If you find a man that don't like kids or try to tell you he wants your kids to be like him, he is crazy and disconnect all contact. I remember I met this guy and I didn't even know him and he was telling me he wanted my son to grow up to be like him. I just looked at him and after that day told him I wasn't interested. Never look for a man to change your children. He should love them for who they are. I know it's a rarity but not all men don't want to deal with women with kids. I want a man that's going to enhance my son's abilities and help him with things I may not be able to. There are things that fathers are needed regarding boys that mothers cannot do. Just like girls need their mothers in that way too. I'm not at all undermining a mother's ability, but I can freely admit that I like the idea of my son being able to talk to a man because the man can give him more of a personal insight than I can on certain things. When he goes through puberty, I won't be able to sympathize with him because I'm a woman not a man.

    Anyhow, that's just a little of what I've learned, but I can say parent hood has matured me and I love all my kids. They are special and unique to me in their own way.

    • Adonis

      @Brandy

      I am warning you now, based on your post, you seem like you are a sucker for punishment, so I can totally see how a woman like yourself will disregard my message, and read my post anyway.

      If you are sensitive, stop reading. I am not for the faint of heart. If you got this via notification, just stop. And delete the message.

      Remember you well warned.

      SSTTE

      —————————————

      I cannot wait to start my blog, because single mother need all the denigration a nigga can dispense like the father whooped booty for his young female relatives twerking.

      Now, there are three kinds of single moms.

      1. The Widower with kids
      2. The Divorceé with kids
      and the despicable

      3. The Never-Married Baby Mama

      The first two are understandable, because at least THEY TRIED. And things did not work out.

      In your case, only after the second child, did you think to ask for a ring.

      That is irresponsible, but now your nine year old black son is on the fast-track to n*ggerdom & gasoline for the prison industrial complex.

      Strike 1

      ————————————

      I always wonder when women like you Brandy were CHILDLESS, how many marriage-minded guys you step over to get to your baby-fathers.

      Because some black women like to paint the picture like there were no marriage minded black men to choose from. Which since black men have sounded off on the Internet, we found out, that only there is an abundance of men to choose from, but black women are stepping over these dudes to get to that deadbeat n*gger-cox

      And I also would love to know how you treated these men when you would childless.

      And now, you would give anything for these dudes to give you a second look, now that your dating pool & s*xual currency has taken a significant hit.

      You want the consideration, and compassion that your younger self would never give to a dude who at least would be willing to put a ring on it, walk down the aisle with you, and sign the marriage certificate for better or for worse.

      Strike 2

      —————————————

      Forget about taxpayer money being drained.

      Forget about your children not getting the privilege of having their fathers around to have an healthy interactions with their mothers, they being robbed of their psycho-development.

      FORGET THAT NOW YOUR CHILDREN IS SUBJECT TO CHILD PREDATORS who crave to penetrate prepubescent girls & boys. Because they be lurkin’.

      Now, you are asking some poor sucker, to help you clean up a unnecessary mess, you created, because you were horny & undisciplined.

      When your child asks about his deadbeat bum-@ss father, and investigates your poor choices, or when your daughter starts dating and starts to hop on the cox carousel, and comes home prego, what would you have to say for yourself?

      Strike 3

      “Get Outta Here You Damn Nigga”
      —————————–

      If I was any right-thinking guy Brandy, you would make a GREAT jumpoff, or short-term side-piece until you find that sucker.

      Other than that, asking any guy to marry you is too much to ask.

      But you are not the only single-parent out there.

      Check for dude who have kids too, who may want to make a Brady Bunch.

      Make sure you keep improving your s*xy game, because at least you can give a stupid dude an excuse, like

      “Well, She can suck the tire out of a straw.”

      “Well, she got some good box, yo.”

      And definitely offer up the @nal cavity, for good measure.

      Because you did your children dirty for procreating with wack dudes.

      Be thankful a n*gga would give you anytime of day.

      Don’t blame me, you were warned.

      SSTTE

  • http://www.kingofseduction.com KingOfSeduction

    There are pros and cons to dating women with kids just like with dating any woman. You just have to know what you want and don't want. And not have prejudice. http://www.kingofseduction.com/affect-her-emotion

  • david

    I do no think it matters what the woman's age is or her status, but the fact that we all have the same basic needs like to be loved or mutual respect, the hard part is understanding the communication coming from the other side, you need to learn to see the sings and react to them, at the end it becomes a second nature, there is a cool article I found that covers the very basics I hope it will help you, http://bewitchingcloseness.com

  • joshmo

    Everyone's talking about the obvious…But I want to add, what about the man who is concerned about his legacy. For example I was dating a woman with 3 kids. She said that she can only afford to give me one and two was pushing it past her limit. I'm sure I can shoot for a second child lol…but my worry boils down to my legacy and my life's rewards and achievements do I pass them down to her kids or split them between my kids and hers…like a business I own. I don't want to offend her but her kids have fathers who are active in their lives and I feel if I were to get married to her I shouldn't have to give them what I can give to MY kids first when they have fathers to pass legacy's down to them. Outside of this worry she's the cream of the crop and her kids are great. I'm just worried where I would stand as far as family is concerned in the future and my own legacy.