Talking Trash: An Analysis Of The One Track Conversational Skills Of Men

Dear SBM

I made a new male friend in the neighbourhood, and we were having a chat after work. I can’t remember how the discussion came to s*x, but he said to me “I don’t date thin women, because they don’t have hips, and I’d hurt them with my big _____.” *awkward silence*
Is the part where I am supposed to sing Usher’s “Let me see”????.

What’s the aim of statements centered around s*x? Whether its the individuals bedroom skills, their preferences and/or package. I think what kills it for men is their lack of tact as these comments are ill timed and usually irrelevant to the conversation or mood. For example in a discussion with another acquaintance and he was telling me about why he broke up with the last person he was with, which is in my opinion not appropriate information to share at the first meet & greet, because I don’t know you like that. Anyway, he told me they broke up because he found out she was married, and when he confronted her about she apparently said  the (his) s*x was too good, that’s why she lied to him. Now what’s a nice girl like me supposed to do with that info ??. Yes, I ran for the hills.

Although we are living in the age where 50 Shades of Grey has replaced the Gideon’s Bibles in some hotels, and we go on social media desiring a man as bold in his advances as Mr Grey. Admittedly women are reading porn, but we aint about that life (or so I think, but that’s a discussion for another day)!!  In the real world, that boldness is interpreted as forwardness and/ or disrespect, which  is a turn off. Completely.

Are men consciously trying to plant little seeds of curiosity in the minds of women by suggestive persuasion? Do some women actually follow that line of thinking? Do men hope comments like this will bring the happy ending closer to the beginning? Women- do you prefer to receive a graphic picture or the Hansel approach where he drops bread crumbs to the ‘cake’? (Sorry to taint a childhood story and delightful treat with that Rihanna/Breezy imagery)??
I am celibate so there is no successful way to approach s*x with me, because you will not win. I’m just curious to hear other readers views.

Wow… Yeah this was a bit much for me. This week, I’ll let the good folks of SBM Nation assist with your inquiry. Let’s all assist this female woman in answering her inquiry. Chime in below.

Each One, Teach One… N sh*t!

StreetZ

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  • Mr_SD

    Men talk all of that mess because every now and then it actually works!..lol

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      True story.

      • Larry

        Agreed +1

    • FlyyLibrarian

      Bangs gavel.

      Case closed.

    • Bree

      pretty much Mr SD.

  • Keisha brown

    The answer is simply yes.

  • Deb

    1 track mind to match a 1 sided convo…He needs to grow up and stop wishing on upon stars

  • Ms. Smart

    This is where you respond, all while sweetly smiling, "I'm sorry what?" If he has any sense, he will respond, "Nothing." Men do this because there's a large segment of the ovaried population who respond favorably under the guise that they can screw a man into a relationship. You can't–at least not a smart one and who wants a dumb man? Never mind.

  • L. A

    Some guys do it but i found out by NOT talking about sex directly it works much better. The guys who come out immediately and talk like that usually strike out early

  • Streetz

    The amount of side messages and emails I got from women telling me the frequency of s*x convos and voluntary junk pics they receive has been phenomenal lmao. I didn't know it was that rampant.

    Women & men, can you explain this in more detail? Causes? Motives etc? Eager to know your thoughts
    My recent post Morning Motivation: Overcoming The Most Annoying Week of 2012

    • Bree

      It's pretty obvious why men would talk about sex and flirt heavily and send di** pics and body shots in the bathroom mirror is because they want sex. 9 times out of 10 they figure it will entice women enough to want to give it up with very little effort on the mans part.

      • Ms. Smart

        And they figure women will respond favorably because men respond favorably to women sending pics. My girl had a guy go upstairs and come down butterball naked. She stood up and made her way to the door. As I told her, this has to have worked for him before. Why else would he, at 35+, think this was a good idea.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          That would've freaked me out!!! I would've called the cops as I was attempting to make my exit just in case he tried something. This is so scary!!!!!

        • Bree

          I wouldn't have called the cops unless he touched me or tried to grab me, but I would've been cussin him out from A to Z and making him feel like the fool he looked like and was.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Iono, Bree. Seems like dude what need to be severely off…or extremely high…to even think something like that was ok to do, lol. I would not feel safe at all…

        • slimjackson

          I figured he was on bath salts.
          My recent post The Top Five Obama Quotes from the Last Presidential Debate

        • cynicaloptmst81

          LAUGHED.OUT.LOUD!!!

          Sounds plausible…

        • Bree

          Cyn u would be surprised at the sheer "tomfoolery" of some folks out here. They aren't high, they are just nutty as damn fruitcakes.

        • Bree

          Ms. Smart it's almost as if the ones who do this really believe that since this is what they want and it would work for them that it will work for women. Kinda like how many men think little or no foreplay is cool and since they don't want it or need it then neither do women.
          And they can't even begin to comprehend why women don't see it as they do. Damn shame.

        • Ms. Smart

          Remarkable ego centrism. Some women must like that. But to me, a man who does that is short-sighted and should be avoided because he is incapable of thinking from a perspective that doesn't benefit him.

        • Mr_SD

          All imma say is that naked thing works!..lol sometimes…believe you me hes done it before and some chick loved it..lol

        • krystllyght

          The Naked Man works two out of three times.

        • Ms. Smart

          That often? Sheesh!

        • http://limtblog.wordpress.com LiMT__

          HIMYM… like the Mythbusters of relationships.
          My recent post Cleopatra / The Birds

        • Uncle Hugh, BP

          krystllyght: "The Naked Man works two out of three times."

          I barely watch the show and caught the reference.

  • Melissa

    She thinks what he said is inapp?, the first time i spoke with a guy he sent a photo of his d***. Men do these things intentionally, I think many women respond positively. Just depends. A celibate woman would not respond positively. I simply entertain it. but never let it progress. If he wants to talk all night about how big and good he is, cool. But I won't take it for a test drive.

    The answer really is simply YES.

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    "What’s the aim of statements centered around s*x?"

    Having s*x.

    I have never been as overt as that first paragraph. When exactly did he make that statement? First or second date? Some women do respond to that, but a nuanced approach is usually more successful. Most women today are having s*x with you within a month or two anyway, so I don't see a need to be that graphic.

  • http://robustbydesign.blogspot.com/ Jenn

    Wow I was beginning to wonder was it just me, glad to hear it's not. I find the worse part is that it doesn't stop as men get older. I am in my 40's and deal with men my age and I find that they do it also. I recently decided to get back into the dating scene and decided to step outside my box and join an online dating site. I am amazed at the amount of men whether I talk to them from the site or meet them in person hit the sex topic so quickly. They don't bother to find out if I have killed the last guy I dated or what. They want to know if I like my toes sucked and things like that. Good grief. I just wrote a post on something similiar yesterday. Man oh man, makes you wonder. I mean when a man tell you he has a big penis am I supposed to drop to my knees and start singing praises?

    Jenn
    My recent post My Online Dating Adventure

    • Bree

      "I mean when a man tell you he has a big penis am I supposed to drop to my knees and start singing praises?" I know right………smdh.

    • Newbie

      He probably does want you to drop to your knees.. lol. It's hard out here in these streets for us sane single folks trying to date.

      • http://robustbydesign.blogspot.com/ Jenn

        Yeah it is harder than it seems it should be. Can't really understand it all. I ask guys how would you feel is you found out someone just said the same thing to your mother? They usually feel offended, so why don't feel that you are being offensive when you say such things to me?

        Other times I come back with something that really shocks them, depends on what kind of mood I am in.
        My recent post My Online Dating Adventure

      • slimjackson

        @Newbie

        I was thinking it. Didn't say it, but I was thinking it.
        My recent post The Top Five Obama Quotes from the Last Presidential Debate

  • DeKeLa

    It’s a game of probability and statistics.

    The goal is sex. There are a lot of women out here, and if you need a faster surefire way to determine who is interested or not, drop the S.ex bomb and see what it hits. If it doesn’t, you know right away and move on. If it does (and it does sometimes) then you continue. It’s effective and efficient, albeit a bit lacking in the grace and sauve department.

  • FlyyLibrarian

    I don’t get it either. Seeing as how the African-American community is most affected by all STDs, especially herpes, HIV/AIDS, you would think that people would be a bit more cautious about where they’re slangin’ their private parts or at least start with the question, “When’s the last time you’ve been tested?”

    Sheesh.

    • slimjackson

      Most people don't have that conversation. it's not an intuitive conversation when you're thinking about loins and euphoric sleep. It's also an awkward uncomfortable topic because some people don't want to make it seem like there's something sketchy about the other person. i.e. "What you trying to say by asking me that?!"

      I do believe people should have this convo, but gotta be realistic about what's happening out there.
      My recent post The Top Five Obama Quotes from the Last Presidential Debate

  • SingLikeSassy

    They do it cause it works…on somebody. I don't entertain conversations like this, not my style.

  • KitKatCuty84

    During my prowling days, if I was attracted to the man, statements such as the one above led the flirtation to become even more sexually-charged, and then, eventually, sex.

    Honestly, I don't think there's anything wrong with talking about sex. Clearly, the dude(s) in question just misread the time and place for their comments.

  • Beef Bacon

    IMO, he said a couple of things wrong. How am I supposed to respond to his statement…mouth open and a blank stare is about all I can give.

    There is a time and a place. He obviously didn't want to waste time.

  • LisaLisa

    What i have found out is that guys who talk about SEX early Lacks alot…..Personaility, Stability, they usually got felonies, its something….But you did the right thing and left his but alone, a guy told me he had 3 kids and a big Johnson ( I TOLD HIM TO PULL IT OUT SO I COULD SEE) and i did an Usian Bolt performance on that ASS…..i anit bout that life!!!!

  • John Doe

    It's because most black women are easy. Most of y'all black women will believe anything a dude says especially if he gives you a little attention. The key to getting the goods from a black woman is show her alot of attention and BAM, within days you get the draws!!! Being an asshole, no matter what you women say, is the way to go.

    • slimjackson

      Had you said:

      Some women will believe anything a dude says especially if he gives them a little attention. The key to getting the goods from some chicks is show them alot of attention and BAM, within days you get the draws!!!

      I would've been inclined to agree.
      My recent post The Top Five Obama Quotes from the Last Presidential Debate

  • Streetz

    To me, women wouldnt be as adverse to men talking about s*x if they were physically attracted to them. If they were smooth with it, yall would go right ahead. Its the borderline cats that get the most flack, lmao
    My recent post Morning Motivation: Overcoming The Most Annoying Week of 2012

    • cynicaloptmst81

      *comment made just this week regarding suitors*

      "Neither was fine enough to entertain such high risk situations…" (depending on the woman, 'fine' can also be substituted with 'paid' and 'powerful/talented')

      Score Streetz! LMBO! We (ladies) still prob wouldn't do it…but there will be much deliberation/weighing just to follow our first mind and plenty second-guessing after we pass, LOL…smh.

    • Bree

      Streetz for me looks are irrelevant unless that man is singing an R. Kelly song and he sounds better than R. Kelly.
      If your singing a song about sex thats one thing, but regardless of how good he looks, I'm not the least bit impressed. I buy into the theory that your actions/skills should speak for themselves. You really shouldn't have to brag or boast or talk about it. Even if your asked about your sexual prowess it doesn't deem a brag and swag report. I tell people I can show you better than I can tell you. When I get time and opportunity then you will have your answer.

  • teyana

    Wow, what an interesting post. Interesting to see how many women this happens to! :)

  • crystylclear

    Sex mentions are a huge turnoff, period. Won't stop men from doing it because as someone mentioned earlier, sometimes it works if by working, you mean that the woman was horny or was desperate enough to give in soon. You want to impress a woman- try some restraint. That's sexy.

  • TellingIt

    To the women who submitted the question: It's clear that you're conservative and, might I say, prude about sex–and that's ok! You should seek someone on your level and I guess weeding out "trash talkers" is a good way to start. For those of us who are more open about sex, trash talk is just flirting–assuming it's coming from a guy you're interested in. (Otherwise it just comes off as obnoxious and conceited.) And even if it's a guy you're into, if he comes on too strong, it could be a turnoff–just like with any type of flirting. And yes, if I'm into a guy and he's trash talking with skill, it is going to make me curious. But he's not gaming me. It's just part of the chemistry. I think you've over thought this. Or maybe it's because since you're celibate it runs you the wrong way.