One of the things I look forward to most when I think about fatherhood is passing along to my son all of the nuggets of wisdom I’ve learned from my years of learning women. I never got to experience these things with my father so a big part of me looks forward to experiencing with my son. His first crush, first girlfriend, first love. I picture us sitting together, glasses filled with something old and dark as I slowly begin revealing to him the secrets of manhood a father reveals to his son when his son becomes a man. One Sunday, while he’s home visiting from wherever his life has taken him, he’ll come downstairs and ask me how I knew his mom was the one and I’ll know that he thinks he’s found his one. I’ll tell him about marriage and its imperfections, and he’ll tell me about his her. In today’s post I want to share five things about women I’d share with him, things I’ve learned along the way that might be useful to some of you … not that y’all are my sons or anything.
5. Always Have A Plan
When you meet a woman who interests you, the first step toward carving out your own little space in her life is showing her that you can be relied upon. The easiest way to show her that you’re reliable is to tell her what you’re going to do and then do it. It starts with the little things. If you take her card and tell her you’ll email her the next day, email the next day. Be on time when you meet for drinks and when you decide to have your first official date, have it planned from beginning to end. She won’t tell you how much she appreciates it right away, but appreciate it she will. Having a plan and then knowing how to make it come together is one of the easiest ways to separate yourself from most of the men she’s encountered. Most women say they love spontaneity, but what they don’t tell you is that they want that spontaneity to be experienced within the confines of an executed plan. A good woman will follow you through the gates of hell as long as you have an exit strategy and as long as you told her that going through hell was part of the plan.
Ladies have you ever went on a date, or dated a guy who never seemed to have a plan? What was that like? Was this something you appreciated about him, was it cause for concern or did it not matter too much?
4. You Can’t Save Them All
If my son is like his father, he’ll have a soft spot in his heart for most women, regardless of their previous, current or future life transgressions. As a pup, I thought all women were, by nature – good, possessed of good morals and good character. The ones whose behavior indicated otherwise were women who had somehow gone astray and could be saved by the right man. The truth is, you will meet some women and you will take them as they are. Be to them who you need to be at that moment and allow her to be for you, who you need her to be at that moment. You’ll use each other, emotionally, sexually and in any other way you might desire. That’s just part of life. The key is for you to make sure you both go into it with both eyes open, communicating to one another your expectations, or lack there of, accurately. You will not fall in love with every woman who falls in love with you, you can’t be everything for every woman you meet, and you can’t save all the women in your life because not all of them will want to be saved. Some of them will just want you, then.
Fellas, have you wanted to save a chick? Have you ever met a woman who seemed to be offering to the world way less that what she was actually worth? Did you try to save her, or did you just take her for who she was when you met her? What responsibility do we have, as men, to undo or at least try to not add to the baggage of a woman who’s clearly damaged?
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