How To Survive a Hurricane with Your Significant Other

 

First and foremost, I would like to say that personally and on behalf of everyone on the staff at SBM we hope that everyone out here on the East Coast is safe and dry. Power and cable are casualties of inclement weather and without them, we’ll live.

I thought about doing a post that might be somber or really deep and meaningful, but thought to myself, it’s been gray for the last three days, we need some pick me ups. I did some thinking about Cuffin’ Season and how it all fits into preparation for Hurricane Sandy and that could have been no clearer for me than when I was at B. Dubs on Sunday to watch football games. Every dude in the sports bar was texting on their phone incessantly, but it wasn’t to check fantasy football, it was to line up something warm once the storm started.

It seemed like a good idea to hit up your boo, significant other, cuff, friend with benefit, random “jawn” you met at the club last night, or whomever when you found out that you’d likely be in the house for the next day or two. It seemed like a good idea. After all, spending time boo’ed up on the couch with something warm while watching the rain come down and the winds blow to the background of Netflix or favorite DVD seems like a great idea. Oh how quickly we have forgotten… quickly we have forgotten.

Flashback:

Do you guys remember this?

A lot of people decided to hit up their boo in preparation for this storm; and then ended up stuck with them for about a week. Somewhere along the way you came to the conclusion that you really enjoy spending time with that person for a few hours, but at the 12-hour mark, you really need your space.

Fast forward.

For some of you, there wasn’t much of a choice that you had in the matter. If you’re in an official relationship, you couldn’t really say to your significant other, “Sorry! I had told Craig and them, that I was gon’ kick it with them.” Basically, you was gon’ be with them if you liked it or not. So what do you do? You check out my how-to guide on surviving a hurricane with your significant other.

Dr. J Awesome and Kick A** Survival Guide to Hurricane with [Your Girl Name here] Cakes 

“Safe sex is great sex, better wear a latex, ’cause you don’t want that late text, that “I think I’m late” text.”

*Trumpets Blaring* The Black & Gold BRIGADE!!!

Safety first.

Don’t talk so much.

I mean… if we gon’ be here, we might as well be here.

Stick to comedies, romance, and horror.

Yes.

Hell no.

If you guys decide to watch Kattpocalypse, which is hilarious by the way, you’ll be in stitches and get an ab workout. Mess around and watch 500 Days of Summer and now you guys are in the midst of an uncomfortable conversation. Don’t do it!

Meal plan. (Optional: Adult beverages.)

Don’t be that person without food in your house. If you know anything about anything, you know that when people get hungry, they get grumpy. That will be the longest 45 minutes of your life waiting on that Dominos to deliver. Not everybody drinks, but if you do, feel free to get “almost” throwed. Nothing lightens the mood like a few drinks.

Clean your crib.

Make sure you have a clean home which includes a clean bathroom with supplies. Fellas, if you’re going to have ladies over your house you need to get your bathroom in order. Here’s a quick gameplan…

  • Go in your kitchen and get some paper towels. Take a look at that reflection thing in your bathroom, spray some Windex on it. Spray some more, don’t be shy. Wipe ALL the Windex off the window.
  • Get you a mop and clean your floor. Make sure you clean that part where the tile touches the wall and ALL the way around your toilet.
  • Get you some Renuzit, some moist wipes, and a soap dispenser. Put soap in that soap dispenser.
  • Clean towels and washcloths are a must. Bath soap too, nobody should be forced to use that bar of Dial you’ve been using for the last month.

Create an exit strategy.

You should always have a plan for being able to spend a few minutes away from each other. Maybe that’s like the gym or even if it’s as simple as running outside to pick up the delivery food.

Furthermore, in the event that you need to completely abort this mission, come up with a way to get out of there.

  • Always charge their stuff, not yours. You don’t want their phone dying and they’re stuck.
  • If necessary, bring your mama into it. Tell them you have to go over your mom’s place because she doesn’t have power or something.

No seriously, don’t talk so much.

I’m from the old school and I believe the more you talk the closer you are to discourse or an argument. It’s probably not the best setting to start up a conversation on how you think Romney isn’t all that bad, or why chivalry really ain’t all that important.

I’ll be perfectly honest with you, spending a whole bunch of time with someone will make or break your relationship (or situation) and tell you a lot about yourself and that bond. If you can survive 48-72 hours around a person without wanting to kill yourself, your relationship (or situation) is probably good money. If you can’t, then it’s a sign that maybe y’all aren’t meant to be. In all things, it’s probably a bad idea altogether to put yourself in this position anyway. I always like to use the example of the body of water. “People are like bodies of water. Left alone, they rarely move. Trapped or under pressure, they’ll do anything to escape.” That’s the difference between a three-day getaway with your significant other and being stuck in the crib because of a hurricane. However, if you should so happen to be stuck right now or snowed in as the winter approaches with your boo, let this be your guide.

Who remembers New York Undercover?!

I’m sorry, I had to.

- Dr. J

From Our Partners

  • Lady jei

    #AllOfThis

    • Adonis

      Jets fan Lady Jei?

  • Peter Parker

    Co-sign!!! Esp. keeping the bathroom clean! lol

  • Riccardo

    Hi, Mr. DJ, please contact me, – riccardo.valsecchi(at)googlemail.com. I need some information about a picture you posted. tahnks.
    R