When Should a Man Move for the Relationship?

From MadameNoire:

For those of us crazy enough to even engage in a long distance relationship, there is one unavoidable question that will come if you stay together long enough: who is going to move? This week I was asked if the man or the woman should move or does it matter? Let’s get the short answer out of the way: Yes, it matters.

In my opinion, neither party should move for anyone they aren’t planning to marry. Honestly, you probably shouldn’t move for anyone that you aren’t already engaged to. That’s right, I’m going old school! You should already have or be planning to put a ring on it before engaging in cross-country cohabitation. Why anyone, male or female, would move across the country to “see where things go” is beyond me. You can see where things go from the comfort of your own home. Ever heard of Skype? Look into it.

Relocating just so you can  go on more frequent dates isn’t a valid reason. If you have doubts about the merits of your relationship, moving across the country won’t provide you with the revelation you seek. The only difference will be now you don’t have to travel as far to realize that the doubts you had at a longer distance exist at a shorter distance too.

Moving isn’t a decision that should be taken lightly…read more.

Should a woman always be the one expected to move to make a relationship work? Does it matter if the man or the woman moves? Have you ever moved for a relationship and had it not work out?

From Our Partners

  • http://www.BlackGirlsAreEasy.com NC_17

    It all boils down to who's going to be making the most money or have the potential to make the most money. Not everyone can pursue their career or relocate their current jobs to any city or state. If homegirl is a lawyer and her long distance love is in retail, yeah he can make that move, but if he owns a business or is moving up the ladder at Ford motors he's going to be like, pass the bar in Michigan or stay up at night wondering which D-town ratchet is busting it open for me. your choice.

    Women, even independent ones, still want a man that can earn… a lot. some can pretend that they don't mind playing sugar mama but let you move to North Carolina with no job and no cable money, no matter how good you eat and beat it at night, she's going to resent you after a few months because she's supporting a man, which is still taboo.

    On the other hand, most fellas will let their girls live rent free forever and never think less if she's only working part time or not at all. In a backwards way it feels normal to provide for the females (sorry streetz I don't think it's a dirty word) that we are in love with. out.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    It would have to be a damn near perfect situation for me…job or school waiting, much better living arrangement and of course I will have to be intending on making you Mrs Tristan…I'm not leaving my home to crash at your studio apartment love conquers all nothing.

  • Bree

    I think it depends on the situation and the people involved. I was in a fairly long distance relationship and I moved to be with my ex. However, I moved to a city/state I wanted to live in and I was mindful of the relationship not working as a possibility. I was also very prepared for that. So despite the relationship not lasting, it worked out for me because I'm where I want to be and I'm doing really well here and I'm happy.
    I think it can work, but both people must take a lot of things into consideration, such as: occupations, money saved up, cost of living, and so on.

  • Bree

    You can meet and marry someone who initially lived in your aptmnt complex or next door to you and they have to relocate for a job and you can't find a job and may hate the new place you move to.
    As long as you desire and agree to be in committed relationships you will be taking some sort of chances. There are no guarantees. If u want a guarantee of no problems and issues and that u will stay together forever then you should remain single and not even enter into a relationship. But as long as you deal with other people romantically you will have some issues sometimes and it will not be pure perfection everyday of your lives together. You will have to compromise and make some sacrifices as long as you choose to enter into relationships and possibly marriages with people. There is no way around that except to stay completely single and just "date" and "hook-up" and never ever fully commit to anyone. So I don't think people should be disqualified because of distance. You only sell yourself short when you put limitations on your options in love and relationships.

  • Magg

    I've moved… the relationship didn't last… But it's all good i had my plan B, and i was so young, so it's ok.
    It's just about really thinking about everything before moving. Don't be Melanie (excuse my The Game reference lol) Don't depend on the other person, don't end up calling up your parents for money, don't loose yourself during the process…
    One of the reason people don't move is because they're scared the relationship won't last and they don't wanna make a lot of efforts for something so uncertain… But that's the beauty of love, it's not planned, it's spontaneous…
    I'm in a stage of my life where i won't move for someone again, and where i'm just done with long distance relationship. I realize that the older i get the less im willing to do crazy stuff, the more i need security… But hey if you still have that energy, GO FOR IT!!!!

  • Bree

    "Don't be Melanie" Funny way to put it but true.
    The most impnt thing is being able to take care of yourself and not being completely dependent, especially financially on your s/o. But this applies to any relationship, including marriage. Any relationship can potentially end. Expect the best, but be prepared for the worst.

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