The other day I was having a conversation with my friend. Not surprisingly, we got to talking about women. Ok, who am I kidding? All we talked about was women. As a man, you talk about women a lot but as you get older, you talk about women differently. Being a (decent or above looking, moderately successful or above income generating) man in your late 20’s to early 30’s is a strange period. You might hit up a happening spot and there will be women in there who are interested in you. These women may range from 21 to 41. There’s no way around it, this can get complicated if you don’t know what you’re looking for. I’ll get back to this part of the discussion in a minute.
Later in the day, I was watching a Louis CK, who for the record is hilarious, comedy routine from his stand-up called ‘Chewed Up.’ I’ve included a clip from this routine where he discusses the difference between women and girls. Also, for the record, this video is not appropriate for work so if I was you, I WOULD NOT WATCH THIS VIDEO AT WORK! If you lack will power, I suggest you pull this video up on your phone, lunch break, or while wearing headphones. That’s my disclaimer for the day.
I like women. Women, women! Girls? I’m done, long time ago. Twenty-two-year old girls? God bless you. Go do a shot or whatever the f**k you do with your time. *takes imaginary shot* WOOOOO!!! That’s not me anymore. – Louis CK
During this clip, Louis declares that he is tired of girls. He’s fine dating women, but he’s gotten to a point in his life where he has moved beyond the desire to date girls. Most men know there is a clear difference between dating a woman and dating a girl. Don’t get me wrong, girls are fun but that’s generally all they are, fun. Smart men don’t pursue relationship with girls; they pursue relationships with women. As Louis notes, they don’t call it Women Gone Wild for a reason, because women don’t go wild, girls do.
There’s just a difference between girls and women and it’s not about age. There’s a reason why they call it Girls Gone Wild. You notice there’s no Women Gone Wild, because no one would f***kin buy the Wild Women DVD. Because when girls go wild, they show their t*** to people. When women go wild, they kill men. – Louis CK
Getting back to the discussion with my cousin from earlier, we both concluded that we too are moving past dating girls. What we are looking for in our lives is a woman. There was only one problem. We weren’t sure where you go to find women and avoid girls.
I don’t like to prescribe a definite age for when a girl becomes a woman, but you know it when you see it. There is just an unspoken difference between the way a girl carries herself and the way a woman carries herself. They walk, talk, and act different. They’re built different. There’s a confidence that women have that girls lack not because they don’t have confidence, but simply because they haven’t had the life experience needed to gain the type of confidence women both effortlessly possess and exude. As a man matures, he often begins to prefer the company of women over girls. Like earlier, I won’t prescribe a definitive age for when a boy becomes a man either, but I’m sure women know the difference when they experience it too.
The thing is, unless you marry young, there is a point in everyone’s life where the places boys, men, girls, and women hang out overlap. At this point, you have to learn to decipher the subtle differences between the two or you’ll end up with a girl when you were really searching for a woman.
As I was talking to my friend – and I’m sure many of you can relate – I realized that it might be time for us to employ a different strategy if we planned to meet a woman. You see, for a number of years we’ve simply enacted the no plan plan. We’ve both met great women and fell in love, but the consistent factor between all these women – and some girls – is the randomness of the event. We weren’t out looking for a woman, we stumbled on one. In other cases, we were fortunate enough to date a girl that grew into a woman in our presence – sometimes because of us; other times in spite of us. However, we never made a calculated effort to meet a woman. Quite frankly, I’m not even sure we know where to find her.
It’s very possible that a random occurrence is one way to find a woman. It’s worked for centuries, but just because something has worked doesn’t mean it’s the best strategy. It certainly isn’t the most efficient. If it was, we’d run into women consistently instead of by chance. Many of us know that when you want a different result you have to solve for a different problem. This reality is something we have failed to adjust to over the years. Despite all that has changed around us, which includes but is not limited to the type of woman we want in our life, we haven’t changed much about how we go about finding her. Many of us might go out less, but when looking for Mrs. [fellas, insert your last name here] we fail to change our means of pursuit, then we wonder why they don’t match our expectations. It’s obvious the playing field is changing, yet many of us have failed to implement a new game plan. Put simply, most of us don’t want to play the game forever but we still have the same style of play as when we were rookies.
But, just as you fall into the depression-like grips of a quarter-life crisis and begin assuming all hope is lost, you finally meet the woman of your dreams – she’s all you ever wanted in a woman, you laugh together, you cry together (like a BAWSE, of course), she’s perfect for you in every way, except one way… What way you ask? I’m glad you asked!
As you were busy navigating the treacherous road toward meeting this woman while skillfully avoiding the temptations of girls scattered along the road of life who can only but briefly distract you with what you want but not sustain you with what you need, you find yourself banished into the abysmal darkness of…
THE FRIEND ZONE!!!
I’ve written about this horrible friend zone existence before. Many a man has lamented to himself while the woman he loves complains in his arms about how she doesn’t know why she “can’t find a good man like you” in bloodshot eyed confusion as he wonders in vain how he was expelled to this atrocious penitentiary box of glass emotion. In fairness, we’ve also talked about how women can avoid the friend zone (even though I still believe this so-called “women friend zone” is nothing more than an urban legend).
Fortunately, I stand before you today as a proud friend zone refugee to confess that even yours truly has found himself in the darkest throws of the bleakness that is the friend zone. No doubt like you friend, I was hapless and helpless! I was on the verge of giving up aspirations for any and all salvation from the unforgiving reckoning of the friend zone, but like Batman in The Dark Knight Rises I rose from the pits of purgatory to avenge my misguided romantic pursuits. Finally unshackled from the unscrupulous perils of the friend zone I screamed upon the barren desert of emotional repression, “ALAS, ALL YE THAT HEAR MY FORMERLY REPRESSED VOICE! I SHALL REMAIN IN THE FRIEND ZONE NO LONGER!!!”
I’ll be honest. I have no idea how one goes about getting lost in the friend zone but I can say without a doubt that no one wants to be there. I wouldn’t wish such a fate on my worst enemy! This is why it’s critical to remember that the key to the friend zone lies within your own heart. I’m not above someone trying to sequester me in the friend zone; however, I have managed to avoid even the best friend zone laid traps ever since that day! How you ask? Over the years, I’ve mastered the secret to escaping the friend zone. You see old friend, it lies not in the external but in the internal!
Whenever I hear the repressive jangling keys to the shackles of the friend zone closing in on me like the darkness of a moonless night, I retreat with great haste before it’s too late! You must do the same if you desire deliverance from the friend zone! What no one tells you about the friend zone is you have the right – some might even say the duty – to escape! Many men and women that you’ll never know or meet have sacrificed themselves like the brave heroes that they are, so that you might have the right to tell someone one day, “Take your friend zone offerings and shove it!”
Friend zone emancipation is yours for the taking, friend. SEIZE IT! Don’t let a romantic interest dictate that you are only good enough to provide boyfriend services without boyfriend benefits! You’re better than that! But first, you must BE better than that!
In the end, I’m not sure how you separate the girls from the women, but I know there comes a time in every man’s life where he must learn to do so for himself. When that time comes for you, know that a woman shouldn’t dictate your place in her life. The friend zone doesn’t have a happy ending. There will only be more zoning for you should you choose to continue navigating the friend zone in search of emotional reciprocity. Akin to the universe, the friend zone is as expansive in space and time as it is in misery and sorrow. If you don’t like your status, change it. If you don’t like your new status, change it again! I assure you that you have the power to do so and no person, woman or man, can dictate your place in their life to you. You must take life by the reigns and dictate your place in theirs, even if that means having no place in their life at all. At minimum, your strength will garner respect, whereas your weakness will only garner the consumption of more romantic comedies and tales of men she is entertaining who are putting in far less effort than yourself with much greater reward. If you learn nothing else from today, let this bring your conscience peace…
Like forest fires, only you can prevent friend zones!
What are your thoughts readers? What’s the difference between a girl and a woman or a boy and a man? Where do women and men hang out? And of course the most important question of them all, how does one avoid or escape the friend zone? Have you ever pulled it off? Please share your story with us, astute one.