Her Mouth, Not Ours: Top 5 Reasons You’re Not Dating

Note from SBM: We’re going to try something a little different today. Typically, you’re hearing from the guys about issues that affect the ladies. We decided to let a guest poster tell you like it is. It’s not our words, it’s straight from the mouth of a woman. Commune SBM Massive.

1. Movie Nights

If your weekends consist of NETFLIX rental every Friday night, I’m sorry to break it to you, but you’re not dating. Don’t get me wrong, having a movie night every now and then is cool, but not every weekend. I’m not sure about you, but I’m definitely worthy enough to be taken out in public (especially on a good hair and outfit day). He’s not that into you if all of your time together is spent watching Coming to America and Trois I,II and III. Call me an old school modern woman (oxymoron, I know), but last time I checked, he’ll invite you to places other than HIS place if he digs you. If his idea of doing something special for you includes ordering two movies instead of one, that’s a problem.

2. Sex (The easiest one to explain, but the most difficult to conceptualize.)

If you have sex with no conversation or clear understanding of commitment, you’re not dating. And no, meeting up for happy hour and having a conversation prior to your rendezvous doesn’t count. If sex is the only thing that you’re looking for, then that’s fine. However, if you’re looking for a committed relationship, sex definitely is not the way to get one. Also, please keep in mind that the act of sex doesn’t automatically give you a dating pass.

3. Texting

If all of your conversations are via text, you’re not dating. The guys I’ve dated and everyone who is semi-close to me knows how I feel about text convos while dating-I hate it. I’m an 80’s baby so I still remember when I would talk on the phone for hours on three-way and screen calls with Privacy Manager. Even into my college years texting wasn’t commonplace, especially since most of us had pre-paid Nokias with no texting capabilities –Oh, the memories. Today it’s substantially different because one would argue that texting is more commonplace than a good old-fashion verbal conversation. However, that argument should have no validity when the subject of dating is concerned because texting lacks the intimacy a verbal phone conversation has, regardless of how many kissy faces and text hearts you send. If there is a genuine interest in getting to know you, there will be an effort made that goes far beyond texting.

4. Going Dutch

You’re not dating if you always go Dutch (all the cheapskates men reading this, hear me out first). This can be a confusing situation because it’s hard to gauge intentions and/or interest solely based on a specific DPP (dating payment procedure). Always paying is not necessarily indicative of his interest, and not paying EVERY time doesn’t automatically mean he is NOT interested in dating. But, one thing is very clear: If he’s NEVER picked up the tab, you’re not dating-Nope. No excuses.

5. The Classic “Homegirl Introduction” (Ahhh, last, but certainly not least)

Shoutout to the homie who finalized this blog by adding the missing element of everything that is the male perspective: The classic homegirl introduction. If you’re at a social event with Tony him and he introduces you as his homegirl/homie/friend, you’re not dating. No, it wasn’t a slip up and it was definitely done on purpose. He’s just not that into you.

Did I miss anything? What are some other obvious reasons to indicate you’re not dating?

Muffie Bradshaw is a Cleveland native who shares her dating experiences through writing. As a 29-year-old single, she has had the opportunity to experience the many different elements of dating: Good, bad and ugly.  It’s her humor, wit and subtle advice conveyed through her writing that keeps her readers yearning for more.  

Website: www.muffiebradshaw.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/muffiebradshaw

Email: [email protected]

Twitter: twitter.com/muffiebradshaw

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  • Larry

    "If you’re at a social event with Tony (crossout) him and he introduces you as his homegirl/homie/friend, you’re not dating."

    Lmaooo, smh. Good post Muffaroo

    • Muffie Bradshaw

      Thanks, "Larry." Lol.

  • MaggK

    preach girl preach!!!!

  • oh ok…

    Yea…good guidelines :-)

  • curlicious

    Whenever I read a list like this, I like to compare it to my current relationship.

    1. Movie nights
    I believe that this depends more on the people involved but I have to say that I'm a homebody. I prefer to be home more often than not but if I say that I want to go out, my guy is quick to get some time off so that we can step out.

    2. Sex
    This is obvious. It's funny that this is how my relationship started. A purely sexual relationship that blossomed into much more.

    3. Texting
    Now this is my bread and butter. I'm an 80s baby too but cannot stand talking on the phone so if you don't text, then you will fall by the wayside. I'm better able to express myself in written form. I could text for hours but if I get on the phone, you'd be lucky to get 10 minutes of conversation from me. So I guess this depends on the person.

    4. Going Dutch
    Haven't done this. When we do go out, he always pays.

    5. Homegirl intro
    Can't say I've ever encountered this but then again, my dating experience is limited.

  • Peter Parker

    Oh yeah if I only call you after 11pm and during "Mike Tyson Hours" on the weekends, we definitely ain't dating….

    • MaggK

      I keep on telling that one to my girls!!!
      After 11pm, "aint nothing open this time but legs and hospitals"(in my Phonte's voice)

  • Donnie

    This is a double bladed sword but for some odd reason black men are looked upon as the guilty culprit everytime.__Then again this is "single"blackmale.org lol

  • heyheynow

    nobody wants advice from yet another woman who think she knows about men! why I agree with these points women at least this woman doesn't want the woman's perspective on me…and personally when it comes to texting I much rather text than talk on the phone I have shid to do and there's a difference between early 80's babies and late ihs

  • Bree

    If your the one doing all the calling and texting and he only calls you to return your phone call – "your not really dating."
    If he only see's you when it's convenient and/or when he's bored or only if he knows your going to give him "chex" – "your not really dating."

  • -JG-

    Disagree with the point number 4 – there is nothing wrong with going dutch every time in my opinion.