Home Featured How One Man Became Jaded Part II

How One Man Became Jaded Part II

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For Part 1, click here.

A couple weeks before I asked Stacey to be my girlfriend, we had an unfortunate incident involving Steve. Turns out the burglar that took all of Stacey’s stuff hit the entire neighborhood and Stacey didn’t have renter’s insurance. Guess who did though? Yep, Steve, who lived in the same neighborhood and was hit less than a week later. Stacey had a bright idea of claiming her missing items with Steve’s insurance company.

Although it happened more than 8 years ago, I remember this day like like I just woke up.  One night, Stacey’s friend was in town staying with her because she had an interview for dental school. I came by to say hi to her friend. I wasn’t there more than 20 minutes before Stacey’s phone rang.

“Hello”

….

“Well, I can get it from you at school tomorrow.”

“No, I don’t want you to come over here right now.”

….

“No really, I can get it from you tomorrow. Are you drunk?”

After she hung up the phone, she told me that Steve had received some of the items in the mail from his insurance company and he was on the way over to drop them off. She also told me that she didn’t want him to know I was there. I wanted to call her on her bullshit, but since her friend was there, I decided to refrain. When her phone rang, she went downstairs (My friends and I helped her move all her stuff from the 1st floor to the 3rd floor because I felt it wasn’t safe for her to remain on ground level). A couple of minutes later there was loud banging on the door. As I opened it, Steve stood there breathing heavy, “I need to talk to you downstairs RIGHT NOW!”

I could see Stacey coming up the stairs.

I don’t’ know why Stacey thought Steve wouldn’t know I wasn’t there. Not too many people in the city of Nashville drove an Accord with Que license plates on the front. As I followed Steve down the stairs, Stacey tried to stop me. “Please don’t go down there. He’s drunk.” I really didn’t care because at this point, I felt that he had challenged my manhood. I’m pretty nice with my hands and I was taller than him by a good 8 inches. I wouldn’t have hurt him too bad.

About half way down the stairs he stops and turns towards me.

“I just want to know what your relationship with Stacey is.”

“Same as yours. We’re just friends.”

“I know you’re just friends but what do y’all do?”

“We do what friends do.”

“I know, but I wanna know the extent.”

“Why are you so interested in what we do?”

“You want to know why? It’s because I love her!”

At this point, I’m so taken aback that I actually had to pause and take in the situation. How did my life become a lifetime movie? This can’t be real. Only it was all too real. Stacey interjected at this point with:

“Fine! You want to know what our relationship is so bad Steve? We’re fucking!”

I swear to you it looked like someone shot Steve in the heart with an invisible glock. He dejectedly turned towards me and asked, “Is this true?”

The only thing I could respond with was: “Well she said it.” With a blank expression, Steve walked down the rest of the stairs and sped off into the night. That night I told her that if we were going to continue dating then she had to choose between him or me. She chose me.

As I said in the last post, that summer we were taking an intensive course that had us in school all day. The TA for that course was Steve. The beginning of the summer was great. During the second week of class, I noticed something was up with her demeanor towards me. On Friday, we went out to dinner after class and after that we went to her apartment. Post coitus we were laying in bed and her cell phone rang. She hit the ignore button, then less than a minute later her house phone rang. She looked at the caller ID and let it go to voicemail. This was 2005, so she had a regular answering machine where her messages came on a speaker. The person calling left a message. It was Steve.

“I have that book you wanted. I was going to bring it over tonight but you can pick it up when you stop by my crib tomorrow.”

She looked like she got caught with her hand in the cookie jar. After an awkward moment of silence I said: “Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.”

She flipped the script so fast and got mad that I would insinuate that she would try to play me. I fell for it. After some more awkward moments of silence she said, “I think we should take some time apart. I feel like we rushed into this.”

Have you ever been broken up with while you were naked? Has to be the top 5 worst ways to be broken up with.

That night I cried all the way home and slept maybe 30 minutes that night.  That was the first time I had truly given my heart to a woman and she stepped all over it. No disrespect to my first two girlfriends, who I told I loved. Honestly, I really didn’t know what love was before that. I learned that being in love also means being vulnerable. It sucked so bad that I learned that lesson at 23 years old, but I was glad that I didn’t learn it later in life.

To be continued..

Comment(63)

  1. Plays ” same girl ” in the background.

    That sucks but hey you live and you learn. Hopefully you remember the hurt from this experience and make sure you don’t hurt someone else the same way Stacey hurt you.

    Quick observation : if someone ask your significant other , boo thang , joint etc what is the status of your relationship and your significant other says ” we’re Fu*king ” and not ” were together , we go out , that’s my man / woman; take note.

    1. " if someone ask your significant other , boo thang , joint etc what is the status of your relationship and your significant other says " we're Fu*king " and not " were together , we go out , that's my man / woman; take note."

      to her credit that was a couple months before we were official. i went back and forth with the timeline during this part.

  2. Now that's just messy, Stacey!!!!!!!! Its people like that, female and male, that make trust in relationships hard.

    …and there's more?!

    My word, that's not enough?????? lol

  3. After reading parts 1&2, we are lucky that you even allow your heart to feel emotion. There are men that feined being "jaded" for much less than you have described.

    These are the females that make it difficult for the honest women to yoke up with REAL MEN!

  4. Dayum, that sucks. Can’t say I didn’t see it coming though, based on the last post. Thanks for sharing. And “to be continued”? Assuming this means there will be at least another part, I’m looking forward to it!

      1. is this gonna be an R. Kelly "Trapped In The Closet" type saga???? ijs.
        Just write a book madscientist and call it 50 shades of Black….*smile*

  5. Interesting…Stacey was definitely a roller lol That's one of those life lessons that you just learn from and keep it moving…Hopefully it made you more aware of women's actions in the future.

      1. lmao….it's messed up but when somebody isn't feeling you do you really think they could give a frogs fat azz about it being your b-day or naked when they're tellin u they're not feeling you???? I think not. Honestly how many of yall would seriously consider the occassion when breaking up with someone??? Would you really say – "as much as I'm not feelin shorty I just can't break up with her on her b-day" or "I can't break up with her right before Christmas" or "I can't break up with her and her dog just died" Really….."C'mon Son." Now if she just had a parent or grandparent die or was in the hospital then I can understand holding off the breakup for a while. But because it's ur b-day…….

      2. There was a movie I was watching that had a scene similar to urs mad. I think it was "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" but not sure.
        At any rate, in the scene they were actually in the middle of having "chex" and started talking and next thing you know the guy was breaking up with the girl. She said – "Your breaking up with me while your still inside me….Seriously." Now that was Cold Blooded forreal.

      3. Mad after this breakup did you go around singing that "Ice Box" song by Omarion and go thru a "So Sick of Love Songs Ne-Yo phase????

  6. I feel for you! This is the kind of thing that has men thinking pretty women always cheat…. I hope you found love again!

    1. i've found that people (not just exclusive to men or women) cheat because they want to and its not all people. i just did a bad job of reading the signs. or perhaps i didn't want to see them.

      1. Mad, it has happened or will happen to the best of us. The only thing that will keep you from being cheated on and lied to is to Never Ever get in a serious relationship and fall in love.
        U live and learn.

  7. I applaud your courage in sharing. For men, all it takes is one woman to change the trajectory towards engaging in and sustaining a relationship. The true challenge is not enduring the pain, but having the ability to compartmentalizie it when you meet someone else.

  8. Wow, Tunde I'm sorry you had to experience that its awful! That's okay sometimes you have to go through some things but joy comes in the morning and what's for you is for you. We suffer in love not knowing why but there will be someone better who will love, honor, cherish and respect you whole heartedly for the man you are inside and out. Some people really cannot see past themselves to see who is right in front of them but they will learn all in due time. I see why you say you became jaded all you can do is keep praying and working on yourself because the best is yet to come! Keep your spirits up!

    1. it is what it is. you're right tho. experiences like this make us better ppl. at the time no one wants to hear that tho. lol

  9. Maybe she wasn't cheating…maybe she just didn't end her friendship with Steve. Sometimes it sucks when you know a person has feelings that a stronger for you than the ones you have with them. I mean if she was really sleeping with him too then she probably would've had enough sense to answer one of his calls and put on the sleep voice or something instead of letting him leave a message for you to hear. I mean she could've kept Steve around as a backup and because he was a good friend even though she knew he wanted more. Not saying it's right but it is possible you were still the only one getting her goodies. Sucks though that she hurt you AND Steve probably more than she realized.

    1. if she was just friend whith Steve why was she embarrassed of the friendship, not answering the calls? That's weird… Don't want to assume anything but i see more than friendship between her and Steve (clearly i'm assuming!!!)… #shesaplaya!

      1. Well damn…guess I can't help Stacey outta this one. It's the lawyer in me always looking for an alternative justification. Sorry this happened to you. Just promise me parts 3-6 are not about you continuing to get played by her. I can't handle that….

        1. "Just promise me parts 3-6 are not about you continuing to get played by her. I can't handle that…."

          Yeah, that's just too much!!!!!

    2. I think she had something goin on with Steve that Tunde didn't know about and may not even understand if he did. I think Steve probably hit that at one point or another, (and may have been when he saw Tunde for the first time and even after they were together for a minute). Otherwise, why would he so blatantly announce that he was in love with her and keep sniffing around her and care who she was sleeping with if she wasn't sleeping with him. Typically folks only care about stuff they get, got, or are still getting, (unless they're cuckoo for cocoa puffs and crazy stalkers who are bipolar.
      I think she took advantage of the fact that she had 2 really good men who loved and cared for her and treated her like a queen. She took them for granted and played them because at the time it was very easy to do and she wanted it all. Same reason why men do it, women do it to. It all boils down to how easy it is to get everything you want sometimes. Not saying it's right or condoning it. It's dead wrong, but unfortunately it is.

    3. Sometimes I think it's more than just who's getting who's "goodies." When you call somebody friend and you make yourself vulnerable to them in order to establish a romantic relationship you hope that they care enough about you to be open and forthright and discern what things might potentially hurt their partner… "You don't have to end a friendship for me, we're both adults, but you shouldn't have to hide a friendship from me if you're being true."

  10. Sad you had to go through this but all of this transpired before you two made it official -you asking her to be your girlfriend.

    She probably just needed to tie up a few loose strings/ends (Steve) and wanted to do so without any problems because judging from how Steve was carrying on and how secretive Stacey was THEY WERE DEFINITELY FCUKING!!! and not only was Steve her Bed Boo but he was also her Knight in Shining Armor (he had her back and looked out for her). So it would make sense as to why she would try to downplay what it really was at first.

  11. Ouch! Sounds like Stacey was confused. She probably cared for you both almost equally, but in different ways. I have actually been in a similar situation where I was forced to choose, but I wasn't sleeping with them both at the same time. That's a little messy and causes even further confusion.

    It's crazy how our earlier relationship experiences sometimes set the tone for how we engage in future relationships. I read earlier that you do not turn out to be jaded in the end, so that makes me happy…great storytelling nonetheless.
    My recent post SBF Seeks Long Term Living Arrangement

      1. No surprise at all here, at least with me. It’s common practice to try and minimize the damage and intent in these situations when the perpetrator is…..nvm

  12. First and foremost let me offer my condolences to your heart. Second, I feel your pain. I kind of figure that this woman Stacey wasn't worth your time anyway… She is the reason why good brothers become jaded… I had a Stacey too.. She torn my heart to pieces… The main reason I am out of the game today… I don't have any advice for you… My jadedness has me still angry and bitter… Maybe one day, I'll try again, but as of this moment, GOD hasn't created a woman for me to love… She doesn't exist… I'm sorry for anyone who gets their heart broken, both men and women… it's a bitter pill to swallow… Stay up my brother…

    1. this must be something recent. i'm gonna give you a hint to how it all ends. i'm no longer jaded. only thing that's gonna help that is time and the love of a woman who appreciates you. this i know.

      1. It's a shame that many men are like cbrantley though Tunde and never allow a good woman in.
        I know a guy like this and it's a damn shame because he's such a good guy and I know good and hell well he doesn't want to spend his life alone just focused on his daughter and work. Dude had the nerve to tell me that if God himself tried to bring him and a woman together he would fight it and run for the hills. I'm like dude…..you got serious issues and need to lay your troubles down on the couch of a paid licensed professional.

        1. Hey Bree,
          I'm not as bad as your friend, but I am concentrating on finishing raising my daughter… I just decided to work on me… I'm back in school working on my degree… I'm writing a book on black men and the broken heart… Interesting interviews to say the least… I'm jaded now, but who knows what the future brings… I would never say that GOD couldn't do his thing on me… Who can deny the almighty… I feel for anyone who gets their heart broken… It's not a pleasant situation to be in… It hurts like hell as Aretha Franklin sang on the movie soundtrack "Waiting Exhale" I hope your friend well…

        2. CBrantley nothing wrong with focusing on ur child and being the best parent u can be and improving yourself and "doing you." I've always taken several months, sometimes over a year to just focus on myself post failed relationships. Congratulations on all of your present and future endearvors. Yeah my "friend" needs Jesus. I pray for him often. He should be just fine.

  13. This is like a much more interesting version of Trapped in the Closet. Just promise us that you won't make us wait for part 40 to hear the end…

  14. Hmmm — I wonder if I know who you are, I’m from Nashville and spent some time at and around TSU. The men and women are so ratchet there because there are so many options, as in life….hate it that when men actually try, women screw them over and they stay screwed over…..almost like us women falling for the “bad guy” I have seen many men fall for the two timer.

  15. Ironically , I have been steve and tunde , one side no telling what stacie was feeding steve. Perhaps to get what she needed. Then on tunde tip to be the new guy, man she knew how she felt , but handled it messy . Hope this turns out better

  16. I know I'm real late with this: but Steve said he loved her & she told steve you and here were just f**king. Man, you have to look at the way people treat others. That says a lot about how they will treat you.

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