Why Do Men Ignore Women Then Call Them Crazy?

why do men call women crazy

While taking a break at the plantation, I came across a great read in the archives of BrownSista.com. It’s a woman’s perspective on the games men play, with some insider info on why men are so quick to label women as “crazy.” I’m sure both men and women can relate to this article. Take a few minutes and get acquainted.

I’ve spent the better part of a week trying to understand men. Trying to get an understanding on why they do the things that they do. What is it about our actions as women that cause their actions as men? I’ve had extensive conversations with male friends and ex-boyfriends trying to get to the root of what I see as an issue. Trying to see how I can bridge the gap of misunderstandings, not just for myself but for all the single women out there.

You see, I have a broken heart. I know I’m not alone, and I’m in better shape than most because I have faith. I had an issue. A question: “Why do men play the “ignore game”?” That bothers me. I will not lie, I will not try to sugar coat it… it bothers me. In my quest for answers I found it bothers a lot of women. When querying my male friends I found that most of them had ignored some woman at some time in their past. Their logic was “She’ll eventually get the picture.” Really? So instead of just having a potential “uncomfortable” conversation with someone, you’d rather she be upset and hurt… possibly forever? Seriously? Now, let me clarify, there is no one worth being hurt forever over, and I’m sure most women will agree with that. I’m sure most will say they have never been that upset over a man. I ask you to watch the women who say that. Watch how they say it. Most will say it with a head roll, or at least an eye roll. Not all. But a lot.

There are a lot of bitter women, some of which don’t even know they are bitter they have been that way for so very long. It is understandable. I recently had a conversation with a male family member who could not understand why a woman he had mistreated 10 years ago was still angry with him. Yes… 10 years is an extremely long time to hold on to anger… but I understand. You take the average woman over 30 that has never been married; chances are she has been mistreated 5-10 times maybe even more. She is frustrated. She is damaged. Odds are she is bitter and heartbroken. Again, this isn’t for the few of you that will claim that you have been able to just except and move on from a bad experience with no damage, no bitterness, and no heartbreak. There are many that are just above that, and will claim women that are not to just have low self-esteem. I’m glad for them, but for those that do know what I am talking about, I have done the research for you.

My question and my pain all stems from the avoidance. Why men feel the need to leave us to wonder why they do the things they do. Why just stop calling? Why just stop answering text messages or emails… why? Why not be a man, and tell us what we did… or what we didn’t do? Why don’t they know that makes things ten times worse than they have to be?

Click on over to BrownSista.com to read the rest and get the answers. 

SBM Nation, what are your thoughts on this topic?

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  • http://inanimatethoughts.blogspot.com Animate

    There is a pretty much general consensus that men hate to see a woman upset. Yes we cause some of said upsetitude but being present for it is much different than letting it happen on its own. We want to avoid the situation at all costs because we will be viewed as a monster either way.

    "Why not be a man, and tell us what we did… or what we didn’t do? Why don’t they know that makes things ten times worse than they have to be?" This was unnecessary. This type of dialog is part of what causes the behavior that you are talking about. Questioning of his man hood is hastens this process.
    My recent post Murci, Murci Me

    • Tperez

      True, questioning his manhood is unnecessary. Instead, question his adulthood. That’s what should have been said. Adults confront an uncomfortable situation, don’t avoid it. Adults know what is the right thing to do, not just the easy thing to do.

      And I guess she got specific about manhood because women, not all but very, very many, don’t seem to have the same problem speaking up when something isn’t right.

      • AfterMath

        not necessarily true. If I know that walking a certain route home makes me more likely to get robbed, then the "adult" thing to do isn't to go that route and give them a lecture how robbing is hurting the community, its to just choose a different route home.
        My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

  • AfterMath

    That article is from one perspective and paints women with a very light brush. If I had to be blunt about it, I'd just say we do so because we can. The whole "ignore" game is one of the few things we can almost always do. Ladies do it too and you see men wind up with the crazy label just as easy. But its a lot easier to just stop calling somebody who's done you wrong than to give a breakup speech, listen to how it wasn't their fault or how they'll change, watch them cry, etc.

    If I know its over and its nothing she can do to get me back, and if I don't even want her as a friend or in any part of my life, I just want to cut her off and end all contact with her.
    My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

    • http://twitter.com/SecretSweetLady @SecretSweetLady

      That is extremely selfish

      • AfterMath

        being in a relationship is about being humble. Getting out of one is about being selfish.

        (I'm about to get religious on you) I went to church the other day and the pastor spoke about Samuel's reaction when God told him that Saul wasn't the chosen one and he should go and tell David. God's like how long will you mourn for Saul? He's not the one.

        That's how I treat relationships. If you're my queen to be, then we should do all things to work through things. But once I've gotten that notification that she's not the one, then I'm not going to mourn the breakup I'm going to be focused on one thing – ending it, and then moving on to the next one.
        My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

        • http://twitter.com/SecretSweetLady @SecretSweetLady

          And then men wonder why their daughter is falling for asshole #DaddyThe ExampleUsed2B1

  • InsomniaPoet

    This article is just one woman's perspective. I have def done the ignore thing towards a man before. Honestly it was because I didn't want to have the talk. I didn't want to explain. Usually the only reason you have a talk is if you are still trying to salvage SOMEthing from the relationship. But I've found that details on why someone has moved on just give you yet another thing to obsess over. Oh this one man said I was too clingy so with the next one I'll be the exact opposite. Ish happens. If the the man has moved on just take it as it wasn't meant to be and keep it moving. But then again people call me cold-hearted so what do I know?

    • MaggK

      i agree with you… I ignored, i have been ignored… They will be alright and i'm fine!!!

    • BlueSteele

      Right, just keep it moving. I've done the "explaining why I'm no longer interested" conversation and it ended up being a) unnecessary, b) long and drawn out because dude thought we were "perfect" and really wants to try to make it work, or c) overly uncomfortable.

      If we're actually dating and it's clear that we care about one another, or have at least taken up some significant time and space in each other's lives…explanation warranted. Otherwise…at my discretion.

    • M.I.Amixxtapes

      Yup

      If I had to ask a man all these questions, I would be mad at myself.I can see a woman asking a man all the stated questions , and just getting more questions instead of the answers she thinks she was looking for.Not every situation in life will have closure,.

    • bellatrice1

      I agree., although I've never been ignored either. I have also never done the ignoring, but I may have just stopped calling a guy that I no longer liked. That's not really ignoring if he never reached out to me for closure. If he did, I will unwillingly have "the talk".

      The bottom line is he lost interest. I don't need to know the reason why. His loss. BYE! Besides, my pride won't keep me brooding over some cat that wanted out. aaah my pride!
      My recent post SBF Seeks Long Term Living Arrangement

      • GirlSixx

        "Besides, my pride won't keep me brooding over some cat that wanted out"

        THIS^^^^^^ MY Pride and Ego is a mutha@@@@@

  • Dr. J

    Why do men ignore women?

    I ignore women who have problems with mixed signals. You'll stop being romantically involved and agree to be just friends but then the second you exchange more than two or three messages in a thread she automatically goes back into "romantic mode." So… to prevent any mixed signals from being sent… I send no signals.

    • AfterMath

      I'll admit, I've been on both sides of this. The whole, it didn't work out but we can still be friends thing. Sometimes its cool, but if those feelings are still there, and especially that hope that you can convince them that they're wrong…sometimes its just better to just call it quits and just stop all contact.
      My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

      • Bree

        AfterMath you ain't never lied. It may sound harsh, but sometimes it's best to completely *Dead* a relationship. Unless you have children, shared property, assets or finances there is really no good logical reason for you to speak to that person ever again.
        It's funny to me how my friends and family would ask me if I talked to my ex. I'm like "no, why would I still be communicating with him?"
        People have to be very careful of becoming "addicted" to other people. When u can't let go that could possibly be an indication of an addiction. Yes you can be addicted to people. You can become addicted to any and everything on Gods green earth.

    • MaggK

      lol i love this answer!!!

    • Fierybliss

      I meant to thumbs up this joint but my phone is dumb and I clicked wrong…but the chick who has problems with mixed signals is the worst! You can’t give them anything to hang onto and manipulate into hope

    • Klove

      Yes. I agree.

  • RCU

    I just don't understand whats the problem with saying, "this is not working, its best that we just cut off all communication". Give that person the respect of just saying that upfront. If they chose to continue texting, calling, etc and you ignore, you've given them that courtesy. (This applies to people you've been in a relationship with or spent a signficant amount of time with)

  • RCU

    I don't think shes painting with a light brush or over generalizing. I think more than anything she's saying, just be respectful. Don't just fall off the face of the earth, without a word. That would make anyone angry or upset.

    • BlueSteele

      Not I! Unless we're close and/or have been involved for a significant period of time you can stop calling if you want. Please believe I won't be hurt! #AintNobodyGotTimeForThat

      Usually a man who would do that has already shown signs that he's not all in for me like that anyway, keep it moving. *shrug*

  • Bree

    From the Brown-Sista site – Comment by Old Popeye Salt – September 24, 2012 at 12:13 pm
    I think this guys comment pretty much sums up everything I was going to say.
    I cosign on all this. Comment is as follows.
    "You are not crazy Love; you are doing too much when it comes to relationships. Most women treat relationships like a science project and try too hard to find what/why men do what they do. Stop doing that!! I will give you an easy paradigm when it comes to most men: 1. Men want excitement and fun in their lives.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      No lie…I read that comment on the site yesterday, copied it, and emailed it to myself so that I can have it FOREVER!!!!

      LMBO!

  • Bree

    2. Men categorize or place a property value on women. This means we access what you are to us, or what we can use you for, and we label you. For Example, when we are out and about we look at women and scan to see what she is about and what we can get from her. If she acts like a vixen, that is how she will be treated. If she acts all emotional and whines a lot, we say she is crazy, bitter, or has too much baggage. If the woman ask as if she is strong and can hold her own we either respect that or go the punk route and say she has an attitude. If a woman seems like she is going to make a good wife and mother of his kids then we go for it.

    • Julie

      LOL'ing at "or go the punk route and say she has an attitude."

      Careful. Seems you could get your man card revoked for that much truth haha

  • Bree

    My advice to women: 1. Take the emotion out when dealing with men until he proves (in time) he deserves it. Many women just dive all in when dealing with a guy, and that leave them vulnerable to his BS and leads to heart-break. 2. Assess a man for what he is, accept it, and either move on or deal with it. Many women know that guy is a jerk, player, or has some major issue and they stick around to try to change him; Stop doing that Ladies! If you know he is a moron, kick him to the curb and keep it moving.

  • Bree

    3. Stand up for what your standards are! If your standard is you won’t allow your man to cheat on you then let him know and stick to that. Unfortunately many women go against their standards and men prey on that weakness, BIG TIME!! . Stand your ground Love!! 4. Stop trying to understand what and why we do what we do. Most men are Morons (I admit I am)!! Women need to look at us and decide if they can deal with it, or not. 5. Stop trying to control us or tell us what to do.

  • Bree

    Many women get away with this but understand the men resent that. Many men just deal with it because of their insecurities, but there are a lot of men that deal with it because it is just “cheaper to keep her” and they have a woman on the side. Watch yourself and how you treat your man ladies; make him feel like a … Man. 6. Women need to be real and decide if his definition of “fun” matches theirs. It’s some nasty guys out there and they try to get their women to do freaky things. Problem is many women aren’t down with all the *** stuff. If you aren’t, tell him and stand your ground. 7. Remember, a man can and will only do what a woman allows him to do. 8. Stop being afraid of ending the relationship or marriage. If you know it’s over or can’t take it anymore pop your collar, hold your head up, and move on."

    • BlueSteele

      well d@mn (love jones voice)

    • Julie

      **APPLAUDING BREE**

      Ladies, this is is some good advice most of us only can get from our dads, brothers and really REALLY good guy friends. So how many of us will listen?

      There's a lot of good feeling peace of mind to be had in Bree's words. I know this, I'm living it and way better off for it. There are some good brothers of all colors out here. Thanks Bree.

      • Bree

        Julie those are the words of Old Popeye Salt From the Brown-Sista site. Thats the site the post is on. Check it out.

  • KitKatCuty84

    "There was no rabbit cooking on the stove. There were no calls to his job. No random fruit baskets… nothing. She just wanted to talk to him, and made four attempts to do so."

    That line right there. I feel you on that. It doesn't take much to be labeled "crazy".

    My mother always taught me not to worry about WHY a guy does something; only observe WHAT a guy does. If he's ignoring you and that bothers you, start ignoring him. Don't wonder why. If you don't know the reason, than you probably don't agree with it or understand, and knowing won't help matters. Let that drop.

    • Well Enuff

      Your moms is a wise person. Most people don't realize that until they get older

    • Bree

      Amen to all that KitKat.
      And pray the Serenity Prayer:
      God grant me the Serenity to accept the things I cannot change
      The Courage to change the things that I can
      And the Wisdom to know the difference.

  • M.I.Amixxtapes

    And don't ask all of your friends for advice on why a guy is ignoring you, there not him they don't know, and if she's me ill say no1curr now let's party.

  • ThatDaDivA

    Men love to call the ex women crazy at the drop of a hat, especially in front of their new conquests, setting up the whole “oh, she’s crazy, I’m not” scenario.

    It’s so sad and tired, especially when that same NEGRO is now referring to THAT chick as crazy when the *ish does not work out!!! #boom

    • M.I.Amixxtapes

      Yup

      I always tell guys who talk about their exes being crazy, while spitting game to me that HE was the common denominator.It's a turn off when a guy trashes his ex, (unless me and him are platonic I don't care to know their one sided story) you dealt with them so if you don't have anything nice to say don't say it all.

  • Golden G

    Man This is the truth I was one of them bitter ones, and I came across a lot of bitter ones as well. I know it’s easier said than done but men are going to be men unfortonately if they are still on the immature tip and still want to play the “ignore game” move on and evaluate what you did on your own you can figure out whether or not you did something wrong. And when you do figure it out work on it when you meet a new guy exercise what you learn about yourself. like if you were clingy with one guy, you realize work on it meet a new guy and think ok I was clingy with the last guy that’s probably what went wrong so maybe I should give this guy more space and fall back a little. I know us as women want to know what we did wrong when a relationship goes sour, but we need to realize we arent entitled to know that. And these men do not have to tell us anything, I know it’s harsh but it’s reality.

  • Bury me a G

    Somebody call the waaambulance

  • Tray

    I completely agree. Its easy to say that someone should just roll with the punches and move on, but ignoring someone and starving off the relationship is selfish not only because the person does not have closure, but they dont know what they did wrong! How can you avoid making the same mistake twice if you didnt even know what your mistake was in the first place? The reason why we as women want to know what caused the relationship to fail is because a failed relationship is a reflection on you as a person (or so it feels). Think about it. If you put a lot of time and effort into a class in school and ended up getting a C, or some grade you did not desire, wouldnt you want to know why so that if it is a habitual problem that caused you to do less than your best that you avoid making that mistake again? Again, the reason why you care is because you put tons of effort into the class and the grade you got (but didnt want) is not just a grade but feels like a reflection on you as a person. The same can be applied to relationships. You want to know why something went wrong so that you can character build.

    • Tray

      No one is out here trying to be bitter and scorned over an explanation that should take a few minutes. If you already gave years to a person, i think the very least you can do is give them a few minutes to explain yourself. Dont pull a Casper the friendly ghost. And lastly, no one wants to hear an ex-post facto explanation years down the line. Aint nobody got the time for ex's that come from left field to explain why they did something.. at that point its like gtfohwtb. Last time i checked everyone was born with a mouth. People want to use it for everything else except for communication. No one is asking for a explanation the length of a harry potter book, a brief explanation will due. Women are not ms. cleo trying to read mind out here , that sh*t is too exhausting. Dont be a boy. Be a man and say what you feel. Men have no problem telling women everything the like about them when they are trying to court and yapping on and on but become deaf and mute when they have to be the bearer of bad news.

  • Joy1

    It’s selfish to ignore someone who you originally had a romantic interest in. Especially if the person is genuinely showing concern about the sudden decrease in affection/attention/communication. Technology has been invented so, there is no reason not to just send a text/email/message/Facebook/Twitter or any form of whatever in the event your mouth is too nervous to speak. No one is asking you to send a telegram or catch a pigeon and tie a note around his neck explaining why you want to end things. Seriously, anyone who would rather have multiple calls/texts from someone they claim they want to end things with is not only selfish, childish and immature but MENTALLY DISTURBED. How can you “End it ” without ending it? That’s like saying you parked the car but it’s clearly still in drive. I believe people who do this enjoys the attention they get when someone constantly begs or calls. They feel empowered in watching someone eldest pain and suffering. They ultimately want that “just in case” option available. You know, the option in case no one else treats them the way the person did , sex them the way they did or showered them with attention the way the other person did.

  • lovelylady

    Woman believe me when i say, it comes back on them so much harder than you think. There are so many elderly black men who die alone, even when they have a wife and kids. We spend so much time trying to get there so called family to come and help, its very rare we have one with family that cares. When i noticed the trend I ask these men about there past and to my surprise i find out that most were players. Dogged the woman that really cared for them, you know the crazy ones. married the one who allowed them to cheat. well unfortunately they do not realize those woman who can allow that, dont love them, but its sad they dont find out until they enter the hospital and the they are crying because no one cares. Then the kids always have the same heart as the mother. they try to act like the care until it gets in there way and thats when they began to ignore our calls. When men treat woman bad, the kids realize it. they may not show it in anger but they will not go out there way to help them when they are sick unless its money behind it. As for woman, the kids quit there jobs, they have a family full of people in there rooms at all times.They rarely seem to be alone in the hospitals. The only men i see in here with that type of care are men who do not seem to have a history of being a player. If you dont believe me walk into a hospital floor and look at the patients in there. see whos alone and then ask them if they have wife or kids. they usually will say yes and they live down the street, they take all my money and never cone to see me. Men think twice before you deceive someone, or date someone for time to pass. all that comes back, maybe not now but it will. notbody forgot about anything you did, not even the person you do treat good.