A Money Conversation Every Couple Should Have

conversations a couple should have

What would you do if you won ten million dollars?

Seems like such a silly question doesn’t it? At the very least, it’s a hypothetical that’ll make you yearn for better days, where all you have to do is log into your bank account to turn a sh*tty day into a pot of gold. But what if I told you that such a simple question could be a great conversation starter between you and your (future) significant other? I know I’m right. Why? Because I had the discussion a couple weeks ago after Thanksgiving.

I was driving back from upstate New York with Boobookins, turkey in gastrointestinal tow. She wasn’t in the mood to hear the fat man grunt and talk about drug dealing and eating lobster bisque. I wasn’t in the mood for 808 and heart-warming. There’s a time and place for everything. So we talked. And talked. And talked.

One of the common themes in our conversations is the quest for freedom. For me, that means pursuing my dream career and never having money as an obstacle. For her, that means becoming an accomplished author, running an artsy business and traveling the world. We both know what we need to flip these dreams into reality. We could also use a bit more cash.

Can’t we all though?

That’s where the lottery came in:

Me: I wish I hit the lottery for ten mil. I can’t keep working like this. Sometimes it feels like a slave ship.

Her: You’re stupid. What would you do with the money?

Pay off my credit card and student loans. Pay rent through the end of the lease and get the hell out of dodge. Quit my job. Become a career coach. Write some inspirational tale. Eat an abundant amount of lobster and crab legs. Put on weight and get paid to lose it.

What about family and friends?

Well, momma don’t want a house, so she would get a luxury apartment and whatever else she wanted. I’d help my boys chasing the rap dream. Maybe start a scholarship fund for kids that can’t read good. 

What about me?

I’d give you 25k.

Out of ten mil though?

Giving someone a lot of money could be like getting them hooked on crack. I can’t have you hooked on crack.

You’re selfish.

No, I’m cautious. I’m doing it for you girl. I’m doing it for you! I know you’ve been sitting in the bleachers at the gym, but I just don’t believe in doling out beacoup amounts of cash just because I have it. Besides, I’d want to see how you handled the money. I never said that’s all you’d get for life.

Alright, I was about to say. Anyway, what about if you were about to propose and then hit the lotto?

I’d go to LinkedIn and find a lawyer friend from college. You’d still be coming to the gym, but with terms.

Asshole.lol

Where the conversation went isn’t as important as the discussion it started. I’m still here, so I lived through it. Whether you’re out on one of the first dates or been together for a while, the light-hearted question is worth bringing up. You never know. You may get answers to questions you didn’t even have to ask.

So, what would you do if you hit the lotto today? Would it change the way you approach current or future relationships? Have you had this silly conversation with a significant other before? If so, what type of answers did it yield? Let’s have some fun with this one.

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  • Smilez_920

    If I won 10 mil ( lotto)

    1) pay off my student loans , credit cards ( if I’m married , I’d pay off his debt too)
    2) take care of my mom and dad , handle their debt and buy them a house in VA.
    3) put a million in the bank ( for safe keeping/ build interet , rainy day fund)
    4) take me and my close friends on a crazy vacation ( maybe safari through Africa, go to Paris or Dubai )
    5) find a charity in need , maybe fund some after school programs in some lower income neighborhoods)
    6) I always wanted to buy and rent out house ( two family homes) maybe even a small apartment building .
    7) buy a new wardrobe

    I think I would still work though. Just to keep myself going. I wouldn’t tell any future interest that I hit the lotto until, later down the line ( once we become serious). I would ball out a little but not too flashy.

  • SingLikeSassy

    When I was married we would lay in the bed listening to music in the dark and talk about what we would do if we hit the jackpot. We agreed we would move to Greece and live on the beach where we could hear the waves crashing from our bedroom window. He would play (he is a musician), I would write and sing (I write for a living) and just live. I used to love those dream nights.

  • CHeeKZ Money

    i still work… sorry man. Eventually I would make a move to something, but truth be told if the lottery already gives me a nest egg I have less reason to quit my job for bigger salary, so I would stick around and blow up my retirement funds.

  • sensesocommon

    I have always felt that frugality and mils don't mix, lol!! I am cheap. It stresses me out just to think about how I would spend that much money. I've thought about this and had the talk with my S/O, along with what he would do if I turned into a crackhead or if something happened and I became disabled.

    I believe that I would share with him in the same manor you stated Mr. Jackson "I’d give you 25k", but fam comes first and it would be after I remodel the 10 acres of land my family already owns. Find my own piece of land to build my dream home and then on with my long time dream of opening a Gentlemen's Club. Go back to school full-time, maybe invest in some stocks for my kids.

    • Smilez_920

      Lol it’s funny that you mentioned a Gentlemens club. One time when my uncle came up to visit , we talked about opening up a strip club with me as a silent partner. The one thing I would do with the 10 mill if I did open up a Gentlemens club with it is provide daycare for my dancers and maybe even healthcare ( I’m going to be balling , plus my dancers need to be healthy so why not ).

      • sensesocommon

        *sigh* YES!! Those were my thoughts exactly!!

        I believe if a woman opens a gentlemen club, it's a win/win. The men keep winning and the ladies win too!! Talk about priorities, strippers deserve a 401k too. Smilez, we are right here!
        (oo) >>><<< (oo), lol

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    Funny when I was leaving 7/11 half convinced I had the winning powerball numbers…I thought what would actually happen if I did indeed wake up a millionaire. Of course i would take care of family, give back to my old community, and hire a financial advisor. Then I thought about if anyone I was currently dating was worth coming along for the ride, Yeah they like me fat, black and struggling as ever however, I imagine others in their circles pulling her strings. Perhaps it is a good conversation to have…

  • AfterMath

    Honestly, I think all that would change is that I'd stop working for a paycheck. I've known for at least 10 years now what my passion is and I'm able to devote time towards it whenever I get a chance. If I got 10 mil, I'd just turn that into my full time gig.
    My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

  • Teyana

    1) I would pay tithe. (10% of the 10 mill.. yes, i am serious as a heart attack)

    2) I would R500 k to my church for the building fund ( we really are building- ive seen it)

    EHM EHM… and then!!!

    1) Buy a few apartments to rent out

    2) Buy my dad a brand new Jaguar and give him 1.5 million

    3) Start a company and buy a mine.. a small mine

    4) Save 1 mill

    5) Ball. (All kinds of baffoonery are encapsulated herein)

    • AfterMath

      "1) I would pay tithe. (10% of the 10 mill.. yes, i am serious as a heart attack)"

      But who would you pay? Would it all go to one church? Would you distribute it to a number of churches? And would you differentiate giving to community programs (even church based community programs) from actually giving to the church?
      My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

    • AfterMath

      "1) I would pay tithe. (10% of the 10 mill.. yes, i am serious as a heart attack)"

      But who would you pay? Would it all go to one church? Would you distribute it to a number of churches? And would you differentiate giving to community programs (even church based community programs) from actually giving to the church?
      My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    Yeah I’d have to do something….maybe go back to school or devote my full time into art or writing since I don’t have to worry about bills

  • J. Crawford

    1) Pay off my debt and student loans
    2) set up a trust fund for my Daughter and Younger Brothers
    3) give a few million to my parents as thanks
    4) set up stock investments
    5)Spluge with the rest-WITH my S/O.

    My Win is Her Win,so if she wants to do the same with the rest for Herself and her Family then she is More than Able to. Money doesn't Buy Love, BUT it makes Life Easier to Endure and Enjoy without lots of Stress and Uncertainty

    • sensesocommon

      *swooning*

      Lovely answer!! Lucky girl!

  • JupiterCalhoun

    1. Pay off all my debt. That should go without saying.

    2. Give my parents, Mars and Venus Calhoun, a million each. I like to think of it as a bit of back pay for raising such an awesome son.

    Beyond that, I would honestly need about a week alone to start formulating some kind of plan on how to invest and spend. I mean, $10 million puts you in not just another tax bracket. It puts you in another reality.

  • Larry

    1. Buy 80 gold chains

    2. Go ignorant

    Now before you get mad Slim, let me finish!!!

  • Larry

    Ok, a more serious answer, lol:

    Create a blind trust to go accept the lottery winnings so I would stay anonymous.

    After paying off debts and family debts and making one time donations to family I'd put around $2MM in a tax-exempt muni bond portfolio yielding hopefully between 3.5-5% which would generate between $70,000- $100,000 in tax-free income on a an annual basis. Seeing I have no more expenses that should be more than enough to live off yearly while I eventually phase out from my job.

    Eventually would purchase a franchise of some sort. Car dealership, a few Subways or McDonalds. Something turn-key with a high success rate that I can eventually leave to future generation.

    And of course philanthropic endeavors would be a must. That's the long and short of it.

    • FlyyLibrarian

      I don't see any mention of me…

  • cynicaloptmst81

    I don't do the lotto…so let me switch the scenario. If someone gifts me 10 mill…or I earn it in some way, I'll:

    1. Pay my debts…tell Sallie Mae where to go
    2. Give the Lawd 1 mill
    4. Set aside 2 mill for my babies
    3. Buy me a house with cash (no more than 6-700K)
    4. Decorate my house with cash
    5. Buy my Range, my BMW, and my 2 door black caddy…with cash
    6. Make sure my parents and grandparents are straight
    7. SHOP FOR CLOTHES & SHOES TILL I DROP
    8. Invest in this songwriting dream
    9. Save and invest the rest
    10. Take a month off…leave w/o pay…then take my butt back to work until my songwriting supports me completely

  • madscientist7

    if i hit the lotto for 10 million (after taxes) the first thing i'd do is hire a financial planner and put a lawyer on retainer.

    -i'd pay off whatever debts i have as well as the debts of my immediate family.
    -a lot of people say this but i'd honestly give a cool $500,000 to Mt. Zion Baptist Church in nashville. its less than 10% but its still a whole lot of money.
    -open trust funds for my nieces, nephews and future children.
    -invest and save at least 4 million.
    -whatever is left would go towards living life and making a better existence for those that i love.

    i don't think i would change anything as far as the way i approach my relationships or the way i live my life. i wouldn't up and quit my job. well i might but i would still work in the same field and pursue the same dreams that i have now.

  • niksmit

    I had this convo with my ex. He didn't like my answer with regards to gifts and investment in him. Fool didn't recognize that he couldn't get the same priority as my blood when he had not put a ring on it. Even though I loved him and basically treated him like my fam at that point, my brain was not totally gone and I was not living in fantasyland. One can definitely learn a lot from this hypothetical.

  • Sith King Jordan

    in my opinion…10 mill by itself…pre-taxes…goes faster than *I* think it would.

    that being said, i'd still work, i'd just make sure i definitely place myself in something i'd really like doing for the rest of my life.

    my girlfriend…would never know. that's not a conversation she's a part of until she's fiance/wife status
    outside of my immeadiate family (and people that handle the books at church), no one will know. i wouldn't tell my friends, i'd just lead them on with a story that i have a very nice paying job

    outside of tithes, tax, debt elimination for my nuclear family, i'd do my best to invest in stocks, real estate, energy, and infastructure.

    oh, and get a corvette.or a camaro.

    • Smielz_920

      I agree. I wouldn’t want my name in the paper or published in the news that I won money. I would only tell the treasure at church and the pastor.

      • Slim Jackson

        I think they have to publish the name. I ain't ever heard of a secret lotto millionaire…though I guess it's possible. And maybe because they're secret, I obviously don't know.lol
        My recent post slimjackson: A Conversation Every Couple Should Have: http://t.co/lPSkxItd via @SBMDotOrg

        • Bree

          You can be anonymous. You don't have to be on t.v. if you don't want to be. However, if you win the Publishers Clearinghouse sweepstakes I believe they have to put your name on their list of winners, or at least your initials and what city and state your from.
          I know 3 people in my city who hit the lottery for millions of dollars. Funny thing is they stayed right there in the city. 1 woman never moved out of her old house, just tricked it out.
          I guess it's like they say, "you can take the person out of the hood, but not the hood out of the person."

  • X's Dad

    There are more people on here that really like their jobs. Must be nice to be a still young (mid 30's) and vibrant black person that likes what they do for a living. If I won 10 mil (post taxes), after squaring family members off and paying my own debt, quitting my current job is a MUST!! I wish I would continue to work after I just won 10 mil!!

  • Smilez_920

    Well for the most part everyone on here is going to do the smart thing, which is use that money to produce more money. I've heard stories of ppl hitting the lotto big time, and then going broke, between over spending and giving ppl money.

    I definitely know I would go into buying, owning and maybe even selling real state. Renting out apartments and houses, because ppl always need a place to stay. Then I might open up something like a grocery store (probably a franchise like whole foods, shop rite) or even a few laundry mats around where I own property. I’d even open up a Subway Sandwich shop heck I’m going to bring a WaWa’s to NYC.

    To me theses are businesses that ppl always need, so the money will be in my family for generations to come. I would take some finance classes so I can properly over see my financial adviser, just in case he or she tries to play me.

    I’d pay for my little brothers and cousins to go to school. And probably create my own scholarship fund, one for the public and one just for the ppl at my church.

    • Slim Jackson

      We're a smart and ambitious bunch. Over 70% college grads and working in some professional field. Over 60% with no kids. Don't ask me why I know that though.

      "heck I’m going to bring a WaWa’s to NYC."

      I will join that venture with you!
      My recent post slimjackson: A Conversation Every Couple Should Have: http://t.co/lPSkxItd via @SBMDotOrg

      • Bree

        Hell yeah Slim….bring more WaWa's to the DMV first please……I be feenin for Wawa like Pookie for crack….lol

      • Bree

        how u know that Slim…..*smile*

    • Bree

      Smilez as someone currently working in Real Estate, (even though it's Commercial) that is definitely the way to go. So is WaWa's. Just bring em further south please! lol

  • InsomniaPoet

    I have this convo w/ everyone b/c it really is my dream to win the lotto…
    1. Pay off every debt EXCEPT Sallie Mae – I am sending her a $10 a month in unrolled pennies EFF that B
    2. Fix up my mom's houses – here and in BIM
    3. Pay off all my immediate fam & close friend's debt (i aint giving no one no lump sums but I'll at least make sure your bills are covered)
    4. Build a dorm & start a law school at Hampton University – gotta give back to my home by the sea
    5. Purchase a house in the A for minority students at ELS to stay in absolutely free as long as they are enrolled
    6. Take everyone I know (like really know) on an amazing world cruise vacay – all expenses paid by me
    7. And then travel the world with my boo thing & pop out as many babies as possible….

  • Muze

    living in Harlem, i wouldn't tell a soul i won the lottery. And wouldn't claim it until i'd already moved all of my belongings out of my place. lmao. #shadyneighbors

    i'm a generous person though. after paying bills, securing investments, and the long term financial aspects, i'd make it rain for fam, friends, and beau. it's not fun if the homies can't have none. hahaha.

    i'd still pursue my passion of writing though. nothing would change about my creative pursuits, really.
    My recent post too much, too soon?

    • Bree

      Muze would u write books and have your own publishing company so you could publish your own books?

      • Muze

        i do want to start a publishing company one day. but i'd probably go the traditional publishing route for my own novels, keep the same agent and all. i'd start a publishing company and seek brilliant young writers who aren't always provided the resources/knowledge to realize their dream of being published.
        My recent post too much, too soon?

        • Bree

          sounds good to me…Go Get It Muze!

  • paulb31

    I'd pay off my student loans after taking care of my church with the tithes. I'd probably set up an account for them as well in perpetuity to fund their outreaches so they won't have to be completely dependent on what the congregation gives. I'd pay off my immediate family members' debt, set up trusts for my nieces and nephews since I don't have kids so they won't have to worry about money and be free to explore their dreams without being caught up with life and money as I was.

    I'd secure a financial future for myself with the proper investments, and I'm disabling my Twitter and FB,

    • Bree

      Yeah I almost forgot, I would definitely handle my tithes. Amen.

  • Bree

    I've had that convo with all my ex's and many other people. I love hearing peoples thoughts and ideas.
    If I won 10 mil, (after taxes it would probably be about 3 mil since I'm not married with no children), I would get an accountant and a lawyer asap. Like the second I found out I won. I would hide at least half a million somewhere, but Not put it in the bank. Just in a safe somewhere and nobody would know about it except 1 person I knew I could trust with my life. The only reason I would tell them is in case I died.
    I would find out the best stocks, money markets etc to invest in and invest some. Buy some CD's and savings bonds since they accrue interest. I would meet with all the wealthy white men & women I worked for and ask them to be my business consultants.

  • Bree

    I would ask the CFO's I knew and worked for or my friend who has an MBA in finance and is currently a Finance Director and Financial Consultant to be my accountant and financial consultant. I would also buy him a plane since he loves flying so much and is working on getting his pilots license. He promised to fly me where-ever I wanted to go at any time if I bought him a plane, so brothaman would get a plane asap so I could fly for free. (if I could afford a plane) Not a Jay-Z plane or Airforce 1 type plane. Just a regular plane someone who flew commercial planes would fly. I think I could afford one of those…*smile*
    I don't really have "old long-standing debts." Thank goodness those are paid. I just have bills. I would pay off the bills I had and pay my car off. I would buy another car so I would have 2.

  • Bree

    I would give to various charities. I would start my own non-profit organization and hire my girlfriend with a business degree in non-profit who is a director for a non-profit now to run it. It would focus on education, school supplies, job prep and job placement courses and programs for underpriveledged high-school and college students. I would go to school and get a PHD in psychology just because I love it. I would get a Masters in Social Work & Public Policy. I would get at least an Associates degree in Business Management and definitely get a degree in Commercial Real Estate & Property Management. I would probably be in school for like the next 10 yrs just because I love school and love to learn.

  • Bree

    Once I actually had the money in hand I would quit my job. I would Not just hastily & foolishly quit my job the second I saw on t.v. that I had the winning numbers. I would help out my friends and family with a set amnt of money and thats it. I would give them a set amnt one time and tell them to use it wisely cause that would be all they got. If my younest brother and sister wanted to go to college of course I would pay for it.
    I would tell them they had to work to pay me back half their tuition upon graduation, (just to try to instill a good work ethic in them and so they won't keep asking me for money). Anybody I gave money to with any conditions papers would be drawn up and they would have to be signed and notarized.

  • Bree

    I'm not sure but I might move to another country. Money is taxed differently in other countries so even if I kept the money in the safe hidden here in the US, I would move to a country that didn't tax everything so heavily like the US. Maybe I would go to Santo Domingo. I have friends there. I would definitely be doing a lot of traveling since I love to travel. I would hit up as many countries and states as I could and stay for 2 weeks or more.
    I would get a Pre-Nup. (I'm crazy, but not stupid) ijs.

  • BlueSteele

    Weeks 1 & 2 priorities (in no certain order): Blow $100K, tithe, annuity, debt, vacay.

    Week 3: Back to school, might return to work with a fugg it attitude until I decide what to do next.

  • GirlSixx

    I don't even play the lotto, it would just upset me knowing that I didn't win after putting down 3 whole dollars for tickets. Yeah I'm sore loser — so what!!

    But if someone happen to have bought me the winning ticket for $10million I would……

    1) Hire a probate/estate trust lawyer to accept my winnings for me
    2) Thank God for my blessing
    3) Put an Anonymous enormous amount of cash in an account for the person who bought me the winning ticket cuz I will not be telling them that I won
    4) Pay off mortgages on houses and let the Ex have one FREE and CLEAR
    5) Give my parents money, and A FEW family members as well — NOT ALL ARE WORTHY.. Sorry *shrug*
    6)Hire a financial advisor/planner
    7) Set up a Nest Egg for babygirl FOR LIFE
    8) Rent my house out and buy a mansion on the North Shore
    9)Donate Anonymously to a Church and Charity

    Basically I would keep it lowkey — I been there and done that with splurging on the cars/jewelry, watches and furs.

    I will still work for 5 more years and then retire and hit my bucket list of travel destinations.

  • MaggK

    Seems like i'm the only who is HORRIBLE with money x_x!
    I don't really have debts, the only reason i'm "broke" is because i travel too much, I love my job so i don't think i would quit… I'm single and the way things are going i'm not having a boo anytime soon :S!
    So after buying my houses (i want a huge one in Africa) and giving some to my immediate family (damn that's a lot of people AHAHA) i will adopt a child and why not build an orphanage. I'll save 2millions just in case.
    For the rest i think i will tell my parents to manage it… I can easily picture myself buying useless stuffs *sigh*. I don't deserve to win the lottery lol!!

  • oh ok…

    ***f I had a 10 million***
    FIRST I'd get an Accountant!!!
    THEN…I'd prolly tithe 1st!
    Pay off family debts.
    Help friends
    invest…
    Start a business…
    Get married (why not!?)
    Get a nice home
    I would still be working, BUT on my own terms… *smile*

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