“How you feel about yourself when you are in the relationship is perhaps the strongest predictor of whether you should stay in it.”
One of the many great lines from this piece titled “3 Essential Signs of a Good Partner,” by Maya Ackerman over at The Change Blog. She opens the article talking about something we’re all familiar with: the list. Maya then gives some great reflective advice on navigating a relationship and being healthily selfish. Check out the first few paragraphs below:
I used to have a list. He had to be tall. He definitely had to be smart. He had to have brown hair and blue eyes, hmmm.. I guess dark eyes are also OK. The list went on and on. I had many relationships where I tried to stick as close as possible to this list, most of which didn’t last for more than a few months. But then, I seemed to hit the jackpot.
This man satisfied every requirement I had ever had to the ‘T’. He was tall, exceptionally smart, had the same religious background as me, and spoke all the same languages. To top it all off, he had those sparking, deep blue eyes. I was certain that I had found my life partner.
I was very confused when only three weeks into the relationship, things weren’t going well. Instead of happiness and bliss, there was frustration, anger and constant arguments. But I couldn’t let this one go. It took me so long to find someone who satisfied all of my requirements! We had to work this out. And so, I tried. I tried as hard as I could to work things out – for three long, dreadful years.
I don’t want to blame him for everything. But, it seemed that no matter how hard I tried, within days, we would return to a state of chaos. It was constant drama. Arguments, frustration, tears, all mixed in with a sense of hopelessness.
To make a long story short, the relationship left a deep imprint on my health and self-esteem. When we final broke up, I felt as if a huge weight has been lifted off my chest. I was free. I could breathe.
At that point, I resolved to never let this happen again. I threw away my list.
Click here to read the rest over at The Change Blog.
SBM Fam, do you still believe in lists? If so, why? If not, when did you give up on it and change your approach? Also, what advice would you offer on finding a good relationship partner?