Why Some Men Are Afraid of Women

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why some men are afraid of women

Some men are afraid of women. I don’t mean physically – although some men are physically afraid of women. I mean mentally. Mentally speaking, most boys are terrified of women. This is why boys tell so many ignorant bold-faced lies that they could in no way shape or form ever get away with. There are “grown men” at this very moment denying to some woman that it’s not them clearly pictured in an Instagram/Tweet/Facebook photo. The Shaggy ‘It Wasn’t Me’ defense is in full affect.

Many women here can attest that men tell stupid lies. Lies they have no business telling and likely won’t get away with anyway. I’m not saying women don’t lie, because they do. Women are The Walking Dead of living liars: fake hair, fake eyelashes, fake nails, make-up, heels, plucked this, shaved that, altered lips, breasts, and butts, and the list goes on and on. Despite all the visual deceit – which I’m sure many women will say is a man’s fault anyway, because we all know everything a woman chooses to do is inadvertently a man’s fault – many of the verbal lies women tell are fairly logical. I’m not encouraging lying, but if you’re going to lie, go big or go home, like this girl.

Like many of us, men included, you’ve probably wondered to yourself: Why do men lie, even when they don’t have to? The answer is simple: men are scared of women, especially the “unknown” reactions women might have if they were engaged in a serious conversation and treated like the adults they are. As someone less eloquently stated on Twitter, “Women have to go crazy…in order to deal with men.” There are many reasons why this condition exists. but I’ll stick with the simplest explanation.

Women are free(er) to be emotional.

Men hate emotional confrontations. I cannot stress this enough. HATE IT! When confronted with emotion, a number of men will shut down. If they have the option, they’ll avoid it all together. This mentality is bread in us at a young age.

The other day, for instance, I was playing with a three-year-old girl. Somewhere along the way we had a misunderstanding. I don’t know when’s the last time you argued with a child, but it’s definitely not an activity I would recommend for the faint of heart. The political correct barriers enforced on adults don’t hamper children. If a child has something on his or her mind, they’re going to let you know. They think you’re ugly, they tell you. They wonder what that fat roll feels like, they poke it. They don’t like you, they tell you in no unconditional terms, “I don’t like you.” WIM love the kids, but I’d be doing you all a disservice to pretend like they don’t come from a different planet. If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then children are from hell Pluto.

I say all this to say, at one point said child-woman and I disagreed about the outcome of a playtime activity. I started to plead my case, like an adult. She didn’t bother with all that logical, adult-like nonsense. She started whining, and then she hinted as if she might cry. I emphasize the word might because she didn’t even get to the second-gear of crying. She was still in neutral and I caved to her whims – like a punk. As I was reflecting on this event many hours later, I realized that I undoubtedly set the wheels in motion in her little three-year-old child-like-woman-mind. In Seinfeld terms, “she had hand.”

The worst part is that she didn’t even play her cards! For all I know, she was bluffing, but instead of calling her on it, I folded! Unbeknownst to me at that time, like the butterfly in Africa, my actions likely set in motion a trillion microscopic, undetectable events in the universe. This will lead to an inevitable apex in the form of a hurricane-like torrential downpour of emotion upon the wide-eyed, clueless head of her future husband. I feel like I owe this anonymous future-man a heartfelt apology! By simply balking at the IDEA of her crying, I became the accomplice to a long string of men that she will surely manipulate to her will, using only the THREAT of emotion. Heaven forbid she actually got emotional!

Flipping the script, had this been a small boy, I would have definitely called his bluff. If he started crying, I’d have pushed him in the center of his still-developing-fragile-boned chest and told him to “MAN UP!” in an emphatic and equally masculine baritone voice. For him, setting in motion a butterfly-effect that climaxes in gale force winds filled with sarcasm, suppressed emotions, and passive aggressiveness upon the furrowed eyebrows of his future wife!

Sorry, future los niños! I’ve failed you! But there’s more. Check out the second page

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  • Tray

    This is literally one of the most pinnacle problems in many relationships and is often times the downfall.

    1)To answer the first question, yes. As a woman this is immensely frustrating. No one is asking men to act like women, but its hard to be lover and psychotherapist. When men do not open up and share how they feel or what is bothering them, this leads women to wonder and assume. When women assume they can convince themselves of things that didnt happen and/or they can become suspicious or further emotional. Break the cycle and say what you mean when you mean it.

    2) If given the opportunity i think more women MAY (i say that lightly because some women will be emotional regardless) handle open honesty. The reason why it seems like women cant is because when a man decides to be honest its at an argument down the road and at a time when the two are not even talking about that issue. I already stated in an earlier post, that bringing ex-post facto bullsh*t is not effective (for a man or women)

    3) women have to overcome an emotional struggle when falling for men because as their lover they see him as a confidant. But i can understand how confiding in someone can be overwhelming. Him trying to hold on the all your words and secrets and you expecting him to have perfect recall and answers is an emotional burden. I do think that sometimes women can end up displacing their emotion onto men haphazardly and unintentionally.

  • oh ok…

    Its funny because I guess all women have their ways to get at guys emotionally…mine is the "look".
    I have expressive eyes and when I give him that look…no words are needed…it can be good or bad, but he knows! lol!
    I will say this I did have to overcome emotional struggles prolly like him only due to being overtly cautious…eh. Took me 7 or 8 months to actually realize he's my BF..boyfriend? man…um Man..whateva.
    I still don't know but we're good and thats all that matters to me.

  • Adonis

    Before I go in, <a href="http://www.cnn.com/2012/12/10/us/texas-cowboys-player-arrested/index.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+rss%2Fedition_us+(RSS%3A+U.S.)"> shout out to the BLACK women of the late Jerry Brown's family . I would be proud to be their son for the way that they are handling the loss of their relative.

    The only thing I am afraid of when it comes to women is,

    1. White women & (false) s3xual assault in the same sentence.
    2. Women with crazy ex-boyfriends &/or street inclined brothers.

    As far as opening up emotionally to women, it hasn't went well for me. I don't think American (city?) women (30 & under) in general are not the type of women you want to share your innermost thoughts with.

    But I will be interested to hear of any success stories, but I will not hold my breath.

    Mamba Out.

  • http://twitter.com/SecretSweetLady @SecretSweetLady

    What I find beautiful here that you are telling us (ladies) that a man who LOVES does not need to be coerced into opening up you. You say you're hurt. He says how come? + listens.

  • http://twitter.com/SecretSweetLady @SecretSweetLady

    I love men that have compansion by the way.

  • AfterMath

    Man this was a great piece!
    My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    Fellas, did Fellas, did you ever have to actively practice opening up emotionally to the woman you love?
    I have with some, but its usually a last resort like she legit for the life of her can't understand whats going on and its actually causing a strain in our relationship. Part of it is i have my people i open up to and my own outlets to get things out, most of the time I don't actually need her help. But I will throw a bone in there just because

    Did it occur naturally or did she inspire the change?
    It depends really, some girls it just happened naturally when I look back and think wow I really just went all in while others takes some arm twisting and then of course those who just flat out coerce it.

    Do men avoid tough conversations or blatantly lie to cover themselves or because they genuinely believe women can’t handle the truth
    Personally, like i said I work through issues by myself typically, so in essence I'm not lying its more "too late". Some women can't handle the truth no matter how much they say they can, but tell a woman she can't anything and she'll be damned otherwise. I was like that with my own mother sometimes, some things i rather her not know she had enough on her plate, and i'm like that with some people i'm with, you can't un-say anything.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… FACEBOOK

  • InsomniaPoet

    I’ve learned if you love a man for who & how he is, & just let him be he will open up on his own. It may not be in the same way you do, or at the speed you want but be patient and it will happen. It’s like field of dreams “if you build it, they will come” Same thing with men…if you nurture and focus on simply loving him, letting him know he is in a safe secure space, it will happen. But when you pressure and nag and b!tch it won’t ever happen. That’s when he calls the homies or the “female best friend” and talks to them instead. I also think women need to LISTEN more…a man is opening up when he talks to you about his FFL, even if you think it’s stupid or not that deep…it’s deep to him.

    • GirlSixx

      Yup, so true!!. A man will open up to you when he feels ready, so in the meantime just sit back and let nature take its course…

      "FFL"..?????

      What does this stand for?

      • InsomniaPoet

        Fantasy Football League

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

          the fantasy struggle is too real yo

        • GirlSixx

          Oohhhhhh, okay Got it!! You know what you might be on to somethiing with this FFL thing here because a co-worker of mine's BF let her do the picking for him this year, and she was all nervous and excited about it… so I can see where this can be a sign he is letting you in emotionally and mentally.

        • AfterMath

          That's a big step in the relationship, or he's just in too many leagues.
          My recent post Learn About “the Other” Algebra

    • Peter Parker

      Insomnia, the Fantasy Football League reference is the TRUTH! We know you are not that into sports, but even if you act like you listening, man you will win so many cool points.

    • oh ok…

      Yup…read between the lines (FFL, etc). Some guys are "hooked on phonics" when it comes to expressing themselves emotionally…women need to be more patient & EVERYTHING else that Insomnia Poet said too :)

  • The CPT

    Fellas, did you ever have to actively practice opening up emotionally to the woman you love?
    No. Opening up emotionally, even to the ones who pined for me to do so never ended well.
    Often times I found that while it allowed her in, that in later turned into leverage during an argument or fodder for some random psychoanalysis on me. I don't like feeling like a petri dish, so I don't need to tell someone how I feel only for them to link it to some condition they think I need help for. This is why men shut down or clam up.

    Did it occur naturally or did she inspire the change?
    I develop a comfort level with women based on their ability to listen and just allow me to get comfortable enough to share. The ones who rush and try to pry things that you normally wouldn't and don't talk about will get shut down on. Women who were truly good listeners and showed lots of affection seemed to be easier to do this with.

    Do men avoid tough conversations or blatantly lie to cover themselves or because they genuinely believe women can’t handle the truth?
    Yes. I don't lie but I will avoid the tough conversation, especially knowing how honest I am. I hurt feelings because I'm truthful and I have t-shirts for sale that say so. They ask, I give an answer based on how I think they can process it. They accept. They analyze. They then come back and try to go deeper. They pry and pry until I let the whole truth out. Frowns happen. Silence. Then the tears start or the "I'm not going to be hurt but I am hurt and I'm going to let you know I'm hurt" speech comes and then you're left either doing damage control.

  • darkniz is spreading

    Interesting post. I thought I'd share this article I found, since it relates to today's post. http://bleacherreport.com/articles/1089725-why-af

  • GirlSixx

    [Ladies, what are some frustrations you have with men and their fear of open and honest conversations?]

    I have no frustations in this regards because I can understand why men may be apprehensive when it comes to opening up and exposing themselves so-to-speak because I am the same way, it takes alot for me to get all in my feelings therefore making it harder for me to open up and even then I do it at a snail pace to make sure I am not oversharing or opening myself up too much too soon — it takes AWHILE… so by a man not ready to open up and share with me his inner thoughts/secrets/dreams, whatever — I just take it as he ain't ready and stay cool, because if he really sees me as someone he can trust he will open up eventually.

  • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

    At some point, for the betterment of the relationship, and for self, men have to open up. I did so on my own, not because of my wife. It’s easier to stay quiet, and roll with the punches, but if you never stop the punches, eventually you’ll get tired of getting beat. There’s also no growth in the relationship, or a man as a person if no communication is taking place.

    In truth, many men (myself included) don’t feel like women can handle the truth in the way we would relay it. Finding the balance of telling a woman something effectively, in a way that she listens and understands it, versus just hearing it is what we’re trying to do.

    • MaggK

      "At some point, for the betterment of the relationship, and for self, men have to open up."

      thank you!!!

  • KitKatCuty84

    I will admit that my awareness that many men bolt at the merest hint of confrontation and emotional intimacy has made ME afraid to speak my mind in a relationship. As I currently am in a healthy relationship, with a man who DOESN'T flee when issues come up that need to be addressed, this is something that I've had to work on, since he actually WANTS to know what's bothering me and get to the bottom of it. I appreciate it.

    • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

      With that it’s an either or proposition. Nowadays, men don’t have to work at being open and honest. It’s not all men, just like it’s not all women, but when cats get challenged now, many just cut and run to the next woman who they think won’t be as much work. Dudes turning into punks outchea. They want a woman that will do x, y, z, but won’t do what’s required of them. Nah b, life ain’t like that.

      And this ain’t no pandering, this is man talk. A guy either rises to the challenge, or he gotta go.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    "Ladies, what are some frustrations you have with men and their fear of open and honest conversations?" – Men want to be seen as strong, logical, realistic, and straight-forward…yet they can't or refuse to deal with the reaction to whatever their truth is. Its a major contradiction. Like, I could make whatever choice I need to make (no matter how difficult) if you'd just say what it is when it becomes such…not after the fact.

    "Given the opportunity, do you think you could handle the truth if more men volunteered it?" – I can't speak for all women. But, for me…absolutely.

    "Do women have to overcome a similar emotional struggle when falling for a man?" – Yes. I think the struggle is mutual. But, in general, I think women are less jaded about love/relationships than men…so they push past the difficulty more aggressively.

  • Bri

    First, I would like to say I am fairly new to this site and this is my first time posting : ) (Be gentle with me, some of you all like to get fired up!)

    Ladies, what are some frustrations you have with men and their fear of open and honest conversations? I'm 19 years old and I'm very open and honest with people in general so I expect the same in return. However, I do not always get that. Guys right now around my age (and apparently older men judging by some of the comments I have seen) haven't learned how get beyond the "I'm not a man if I'm emotional" stage and it is quite frustrating. I know one of the key components in a relationship is communication; it can literally make or break a relationship. I crave having a strong bond and open and honest relationship so to see their are so few men who do openly talk is frustrating.

    Given the opportunity, do you think you could handle the truth if more men volunteered it?
    I honestly can. However, once I do get that honesty it does not mean I will not be upset, or sad or whatever emotion that may take place. However, it will provide both of us with an opportunity to get to know each other better and see if the relationship could possibly go somewhere or if we just are not compatible and need to cut ties now.

    Do women have to overcome a similar emotional struggle when falling for a man? I can only speak for myself and say it does not take much for me to open up to people. I'm not saying that in the sense that I'm telling EVERYBODY my business but once I have decided to open up to someone it is easy for me and that I would like it reciprocated. When it is not I take it a bit personal as if they do not trust me. Since I am not someone who will use what they say against them or run and tell other people it gets to me a little.

  • Cookie

    I think that at 19 years old, that your ability to be open and express your feelings should be commended. I also want to note that – no offense – I assume that life hasn't thrown much at you to render you 'emotionally closed'. But if you have experienced some things that have challenged you, I think it is great that you haven't allowed it to change you and you are still open and honest with people. I hope that time (and life) doesn't change that….

  • Cookie

    The sad, but true thing is that as we grow, life throws us all kinds of curb balls and sometimes your ability to deal with them is skewed, and instead of speaking your truth, it's hidden behind the phrase "I'm good", when in fact, you aren't. Hiding your feelings and not communicating them to your mate is detrimental to your relationship, and the stability of that relationship is bound to falter. If you add on the societal expectations of what defines a man, (http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-good-life-i-am-a-highly-sensitive-man/) it only exacerbates the issue and leads one to think that masking who you truly are and what you are feeling is the best and only option…

  • Cookie

    The problem is that the more you ignore/dismiss your feelings/emotions/fears, the likelihood of them damaging your health grows; either mentally or physically. Granted, some women can't handle a man's true emotions, but for every one that can't, there is one who can, and I don't think it's healthy nor advisable to walk through life hiding an essential aspect of who you are. You will never have a successful relationship with yourself or any woman based on lies – at some point, you have to fess up….