The State of Black Marriage: Whose fault is it?

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Answer: It’s complicated. Although, the real question we should probably be asking ourselves is, “Is there really even an epidemic?”Ascribing solutions in search of a problem is like bragging about the surgery was a success, but the patient died. More on that later…

Yesterday, ClutchMagOnline ran a story titled, A Call to Action: Help Single Black Men Keep A Woman. This post was a new twist on an old theme – what is wrong with black people and why aren’t they getting married? The twist, in this instance, was to blame the lack of marriage in the black community on black men, instead of black women, as is usually the case.

As a writer, I respect the writing hustle. Sometimes you have to throw a cleverly titled post, followed up by equally talented one-sided un-objective prose. I get it. Every now and then you have to switch up your style and toss some blatant ratchetness into the environment for digestion or the people won’t listen to you, just ask Two Chainz. I respect the author’s, Demetria L. Lucas, right to express her opinion however she sees fit. That’s why I’m not going to bother to refute her opinions today. I plan only to dispute the facts she used to develop her opinions. Before we move forward, an excerpt from the original piece:

I’m concerned about Black men. I saw a statistic that found a shocking number– 73.1 percent— between the ages of 25 and 29 had never been married. And as I read and thought of the emptiness in their single lives, I wondered, why there are so few stories addressing this startling epidemic. I mean, there are far fewer Black women that are unmarried, and selfishly, all the concern is about them.

Look, I get it. Black stories about Black women and the “tragedy” of being single are popular. Advertisers want numbers to spend dollars, so stories like “Why Black Women are So #$@%ed Up”, which do record numbers for page views, comments, ratings, etc., keep getting written.  Story after story highlights what Black women do wrong, how we could change this, stop that, blah, blah, blah. This is unfair to single Black men who need major help on keeping a woman.

Just last Friday, I read a story on BlackEnterprise.com entitled, “Why Many Successful Black Women Can’t Keep A Man”, the most recent in a long, long list of stories about why Black women are soo–oohhh single. I was troubled to find yet another article that continues to ignore these troubled men. How will Black men ever get and stay married, the only achievement in their lives ever worth celebrating or acknowledging, unless there is an active effort to also tell them how they are routinely failing at love and how they can someday become loveable?

Contrary to what is obviously popular belief, maintaining a relationship is not solely a woman’s domain…read more.

In the interest of full disclosure, later in the day an SBM reader told me that the Clutch piece was satirical – and it was an indirect response to an old article written by thrice-married Tracy McMillan, which some of you might be familiar with, Why You’re Not Married. That may very well be true, but what can I say…SBM needs page views too.

In Demetria’s piece, she found a “shocking” number of men between the ages of 25 – 29 had never been married, 73.1 percent to be exact. Interestingly enough, I too was shocked by Demetria’s shock, because if she had read the source of the very source she cited in her piece she would have found out two additional facts that would have made this shocking information less than shocking. Fact #1, 70.5 percent of black women in the same age range had never been married. Fact #2, at no point since 1890 to present date have black women ever married at a later age than black men. While close, as of 2010, the median age at first marriage for black women and black men was 30 and 30.7, respectively (FYI: it’s 26.4 and 27.8 for white women and men, respectively). As a result, looking at age groups from 25 – 29 doesn’t even tell half of the whole story when 30 is the median for both black men and women. I know things like facts and objectivity have no place on the Internet, but please bear with me. Since we’re off to such a great start, let’s use even more facts to see what else the US Census Bureau tells us about the state of black marriage, shall we?

Marriage facts on Black Men:

  • From 1890 through 1950 the median age at first marriage for black men was lower than for white men.
  • The percent of those age 35 and older who were never married was higher from 1890 through 1930 for White men than Black men, but by 1960, this had reversed, with Black men age 35 and over having a higher percent never married.
  • By 1960, Black men had a higher percentage age 45 and over who had never married. As of 2010, 20 percent of black men and 9 percent of white men have never been married by age 45 and over.

Marriage facts on Black Women:

  • After 1950, the median age at first marriage for black women was higher than for white women.
  • Black women were more likely to have been married by age 35 than their white counterparts until 1970.
  • The crossover happened in 1980, when 7 percent of black women had never married, compared with 5 percent of white women. By 2010, 20 percent of black women and 7 percent of white women had never been married by age 45 and over.

Overall US Census Bureau Conclusions:

  • The median age at first marriage in 2010 for all races is the highest on record, but didn’t exceed the 1890 value until 1990.
  • There was a sharp increase in the proportion never married for Black men and women since 1980 – the attributing factors of which warrant further investigation.

It seems more than a few people around the web have forgotten our youthful motto of days past, “reading is FUN-da-mental!” See how interesting facts can be? Fortunately, for those of you who aint about that reading life, The National Healthy Marriage Resource Center made a chart (based on 2001 census data). Pictured below:

 (Click photo to enlarge)

As this chart shows – and I have said a million times before (like here and here) – there is no black marriage epidemic. Although, I do recognize that writing pieces on said epidemic, even if made up, guarantees page views and comments. There is an added bonus if you can find a new way to blame black men or black women for the epidemic without attributing the source of the problem to both, since, as far as I can tell, the two represent the same community of people and would likely benefit far more from working together than tearing each other apart, but what does WisdomIsMisery know. Further, despite all the vehemently derogatory rhetoric directed at one another, as I wrote about here, approximately 90% of both black men and women, when they do marry, will do so with another black woman or man. Go figure.

In closing, the issue is not whether or not black men and women get married, because they do. The two legitimate questions of interest are 1) why do black men and women marry later than every other race since, at minimum, 1950? 2) Additionally, although the overwhelming majority of black men and women will get married in their lifetime, why is this rate statistically and significantly lower than every other race until age 50? In my humble opinion, these are the questions that black men and women – those whom would like to be married one day – should be asking themselves. This is assuming we actually want to have a serious discourse about how best to solve the “problem.”

Of course, there is always the other option that so many websites, blogs, and news sites seem quite content with: wasting more years, characters, blogs, and news stories dedicated to scripted finger pointing at black men and women while every other race around us gets married. Clearly, this strategy has proven effective, right?

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  • http://twitter.com/InAnimateAlpha Animate

    Why does it have to be anyone's "fault". Shit happens. You have a changing society where more black men are not going in the ways of their fathers and grandfathers. By this I mean more have the option to go to school or take some other positive direction in life. Then there are incarceration rates. Women no longer stay in the home. They have more opportunity as well and aren't going the routes taken by their mothers and grandmothers.

    Comparing to other ethnic groups serves what purpose? Who is the standard? What is the standard? The stigma of having to be married is fading away. Not good, not bad, just is.

    The majority of people still desire marriage.

  • http://britnidanielle.com Britni Danielle

    Hmmm. I appreciate the statistical breakdown, but it's kind of hard to rebut a satirical article with a serious one.

    You share a lot of stats, but considering Demetria's was satirical & PURPOSELY did not take a serious look at all the stats, but rather used them in a way that highlights how ridiculous the arguments (and lots and lots of articles) lobbed at black women have been this feels a bit….ham handed.

    But I feel you. SBM needs pageviews too. We all gotta eat.
    My recent post Reflections on #Catfish: When It Comes to Your Life Are You Just Pretending?

    • Slim Jackson

      I read her article twice and read the comments. Most folks were/are responding as if it's straight-forward. While it's clear she didn't go hard in the paint for stats, I don't think it was clear it was satire either. Seems like most of that came out after the article was live and generating buzz. I think that was a miss. Would say the same thing if it happened to us. We'd take the lesson learned and move on.

      My recent post Interviewing the Hiring Manager: Four Questions You Should Ask

      • http://britnidanielle.com Britni Danielle

        It's not my lesson to learn, but I hear you. It was obvious to ME that her article was satirical, especially considering it was written in the same vein as the other 19,721 articles directed toward black women.

        Some folks want a fight, though, and although I appreciate the stats dropped in this post (which FURTHER highlights the ridiculousness of the articles & books directed at black women), I think the topic is played. Or should be. Let's put it out of its misery, shall we?
        My recent post Reflections on #Catfish: When It Comes to Your Life Are You Just Pretending?

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  • prutledge

    I really respect your take on the issue. The question truly is what has turned the younger generation in their 20s away from marriage? Is it simply increased opportunities for advancement and achievement? Or is it something that we should genuinely worry about as a community? Ironically enough, 2 years before I met my fiance (I am 24), I swore off dating young black men in their 20s because I felt like most of them were not marriage minded. And your statistics prove that IS indeed the case. Most of the ones I came across were attempting to establish themselves in their careers before they could think about rings. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! But I was over the college casual sex scene, and I knew for a fact that I did want to be married so I wasn't sure how to go about dating in a pool of men that didn't want what I wanted. Then *poof*, I met a black man whose first date spiel made it clear he was looking for his wife, not just another girlfriend. And we'll be married soon. So perhaps there really is no epidemic at all. The average black man and woman are just taking a little longer to realize that marriage is something that they want. Or maybe the need for "stability" before marriage is stronger for our folk because we working with a little less monetarily. And this epidemic is all just a figment of the white media's imagination. The REAL problem may be our divorce rate and single mother rate–not our marriage rate. Because this delay in marriage age has had no effect on the babymaking age. Lots to consider. Thank you though. This post has truly been a breath of fresh air.

    • http://inanimatethoughts.blogspot.com Animate

      Actually the stats just confirm the stats. Just because guys that age are not married does not mean that guys that age are not marriage minded.

      Men and women go about marriage differently. There are different things we measure our readiness to be married by. It's not as simple as just wanting to be married and then you are married.
      My recent post Murci, Murci Me

      • BlueSteele

        Men and women go about marriage differently. There are different things we measure our readiness to be married by.

        Yup!

      • prutledge

        Well no, the statistics confimed the experience I had as a woman dating in my early 20s. It doesn't mean it confirmed the experience you had or anyone else's.

        The only men I saw in my age group marrying were the men with children. And I didn't plan on having kids for a ring. Yet I still met someone, despite the numbers. Because all it takes is one. But I think a man like my fiance is ahead of his time. Because getting married young is definitely not the norm–at least not around us. We can hardly find couples on the same page to socialize with.
        My recent post Is There Really a Black Marriage Decline?

        • http://inanimatethoughts.blogspot.com Animate

          Not trying to downplay your experience because it is your reality but you'd have to take a subset of the unmarried to accurately measure the percentages of those that want to be married and those that don't. That would be your affirmation.

          I got married last year at 29, not because I didn't want to when I was in my earlier days but because there are a number of factors that go into getting married. You just happened to find your someone sooner rather than later.
          My recent post Murci, Murci Me

        • prutledge

          I see what you're saying a bit better now. But I don't think breaking down the sample by desire would change anything. You said yourself earlier, desire alone doesn't mean that you will. So the statistic as is, says everything. Men in that age bracket don't marry as much–for whatever reasons, be it that they haven't found the right woman, they don't have the money, or they're too busy having fun. Doesn't really matter. I think the point moreso is that they're not taking the plunge as often. And so a young 20-something woman that has marriage in mind for the near future needs to be cognizant of that and approach her dating pool accordingly.
          My recent post Is There Really a Black Marriage Decline?

        • http://singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery WisdomIsMisery

          I actually think this is a very fair/accurate assessment. Being a realist isn't the same as being a pessimist.

    • b_love

      I definitely agree with this, and I find myself arguing these points on a regular basis now that I’m in my mid-20′s and look forward to being married soon. Black marriage doesn’t seem to be on the decline, but it’s taking a whole hell of a lot longer. Not only is there more opportunity for career advancement, but it takes a lot longer. I hear from men that they want to be established/be able to provide for their families. I even hear from my female friends that they want to do everything under the sun before settling down. It’s my opinion that you can have a wife/husband and still be working toward that next point – it’s called growing together. If I have to wait, I’ll wait. No choice. But don’t have me out here til I’m 35 trying to walk down the aisle and pop out my first baby!

  • Sis.Sheena

    I don't know if you can call this a fault, but FEMINISM, was definitively the biggest game changer for black families. The old school (pre-feminism) model was pretty messed up because women (especially black women) were not allowed to flourish and develop our potential, but we need to hurry up and find a balance where we can flourish while appreciating and not tear down our men.

    The sexual freedom component of feminism, in particular, has backfired in our very conservative, Sunday-go-to-meeting community as well. Sexual freedom is, in part, the cause for black women having the highest rate of infection for HIV, and a generation of children (70%) with where’s my daddy issues. I'm proud of the job my mom did with me, but our survival story should not be the norm.

    #sorry for the rambles….lol

    • Smilez_920

      No offense but a lot of blk women who are HIv positive didnt get it from being ” sexual free ” or ” promiscuous , they got it from their quote on quote monogamous partner. Also a lot of blk men and women don’t get tested enough.

      As far as the ” missing daddy epidemic ” excluding women who just don’t know who the father of their child is , that blame lays heavily on these who left his children. How did blk women start getting all of the blame for a man ” Leaving ” his children. How about we focus on how we’re raising a generation of men who think fathering their child is optional and not mandatory .

      I’m not trying to knock your point but, I can see why Demertia wrote the article she did, sometimes ppl make it seem like it’s all the woman’s fault , like a man has no role in some of these issues .

      • Adonis

        @Smilez_920

        Ninja please. It is one thing if women were being tricked. It would be another thing in the OOW rate was low. But American women love themselves a deadbeat, a irresponsible man to be the father of their children without demanding a ring.

        And will protect & defend these men even though their children & their communities are paying the price (also their are women who deliberately keep men away from their children & then badmouth them to the world about their lack of support, different issue.)

        And a good percentage BW are VERY promiscuous (hoodrats to the college educated & every girl in between) & just like y'all don't scout for rings, Y'all don't do background checks either.

        Being that their has been a civil cold war for BM & BW for sometime now, we are not responsible for your irresponsibility.

        • Smilez_920

          Adnois:

          You don’t have to be promiscuous to get AIDS/HIV (Plenty of married BLK women have contracted it from their quote on quote faithful BF’s and Husbands. And there are even cases of young women who catch it with the “First”. And what all the brothers out here trying to raw dog everything walking.

          The baby daddy/ baby momma issue is a two way street. Regardless of if she should have made a better choice in who to open her legs to, that doesn’t excuse the fact that he was not man enough to handle his responsibility.

        • Adonis

          @Smilez_920

          You don’t have to be promiscuous to get AIDS/HIV (Plenty of married BLK women have contracted it from their quote on quote faithful BF’s and Husbands

          On a marriage front, BW are not even getting married like that. And stop acting like BF/GF agreement = marriage agreement. There is no obligation to be monogamous in this arrangement.

          There are enough faithful BM for BW to choose from in their s*xual prime. Attractive is another issue. That is on you. (collective BW)

          Congrats to Ms. Not-RIght-Now for finding her future black husband

          And there are even cases of young women who catch it with the “First”. And what all the brothers out here trying to raw dog everything walking.

          I know you want to paint the picture of the virtuous BW baking cookies while her husband/boyfriend is some Hound Dog (no Elvis), but again, alot of BW are spreading their legs & are not demanding the disease men that they choose to lay down with to use condoms.

          American BW DO NOT promote responsible men. You say you want a faithful man who is responsible, but the sexu@l choices don't reflect the constant outcry for a "good" man. Female s*xual selection need to be a priority conversation among BW. It is not, so BM habitually have to throw it in your faces.

          The baby daddy/ baby momma issue is a two way street. Regardless of if she should have made a better choice in who to open her legs to,

          This is another sly way of taking the heat off of BW.

          Equal blame = It is the man's fault.

          Your body. Your choice. (You should pay for it too, not tax payers who are not f**king you.) Especially in America. You have totally oversight from the moment a man penetrates you, until the moment the baby comes out of your womb. And you can raise your child alone through family court strong-arm tactics. Men have no legal say over that.

          Again, not to be cliche but

          Women want the POWER of MEN, the PRIVILEGE of WOMEN, and the RESPONSIBILITY of NEITHER.

          If you want the right to vote, work, own property, have abortions & to raise a child without some "patriarchal" man "oppressing" you, you need to take responsibility when ish go awry.

          I will not allow you to spew BS classic BW rhetoric.

        • BlueSteele

          I applaud you for even engaging Adonis. I honestly scroll right past his comments. *shrug*

        • Adonis

          I will not allow ole girl to spew inaccuracies.

          And trust, if I was being inaccurate or just straight lying, you women would be all over me like flies on sh*t.

          Good day.

        • BlueSteele

          "And trust, if I was being inaccurate or just straight lying…"

          Or scrolling right past you…moving right along.

          Since I'm here, why do you hate women so much? I have so many reasons in mind but I'd like to hear right from the horse's mouth.

        • Adonis

          If I hated women, black women specifically, we have more efficient ways of expressing my so called hate.

          BW are in denial, simply because they can afford to be. Black men are not the financial backbone of black women, so they can live on fantasy island until the government & corporate checks stop coming in.

          So, guys like me have a ball poking holes in your collective stories.

          All the collective BW have to do, is apologize & concede & we can work to restore our communities.

          I think I broke it down enough without the dissertation swag

        • UmmYeahOK

          He doesn't see it as hate. It's the same reason racists deny being racist…dominant groups can't empathize with an oppressed group. It's like asking a white person to describe what it means to be black…they can't, they've never been black.

    • BlueSteele

      Shout out to made-up stats! *toasts*

    • Adonis

      Bless you @Sis.Sheena

      Because the Young Heauxs & the SweetsAsses of the world think feminism was GOD's gift to women. But it has left women in even worst shape.

  • Well Enuff

    If I had to guess, I think religion plays a major part in those stats. People who are Catholic or are of some conservative Christian denomination are more likely to get married younger, because they are taught to do so (see hispanic men & women above). My best friend is a white conservative Christian from the deep south who got married at 21, just because he said that's what God wants. The majority of the population follow religions that are taught specific conservative values like marrying young. I think the values in the black church are far less conservative in that manner. But what do I know, I don't go to church anyways. *shrugs shoulders*

  • Sith King Jordan

    cool post, bro. i instantly saw D's article as tounge-in-cheek/satire, i pretty much took it as folk (read: black males) need to stop talking about relationships and the rate of black females getting married?

    1 and 2) why blacks aren't getting married/married later? outside of the more visual reasons, the aspect of generational wealth not being available to young blacks starting off (follow me on this: if there is generational wealth get married, parent can leave a little something as their kids get older/get married, in order to start themselves off) so we're out being overly ambitious to satisfy our material desires, instead of preparing ourselves to put ourselves in the role of provider or nurturer. Also, the cynicism that Generation X, Y, and Millennials have been seeping themselves in that "why bother, sh*t ain't gonna work out anyway, YOLO/Keep it REEEEEALLL"

    dunno if it will work out, but as for me, i have no suggestions. i'm not into giving relationship advice to the opposite sex, i wish 'em well. i just gotta work on me, and my interactions IRL.

    • Smilez_920

      Agreed . I took her article the same way you did. It’s seems like some men were almost offended by the article, which is funny because if it was written about women I could see some man going ” Why are you mad, if it don’t apply let it fly”. Ppl don’t like getting a taste of their own medicine . ( plus there was a little bit of truth in there haha)

      I also agree with your second point . My dad said to me a few weeks ago that our generation focuses on the negative too much. Then on top of that its not like we are really focusing on the negative to change it , we just want something to argue about. Then he said ” we worry too much “.

      And your third point . Finances and new opportunity play a big role as well. To add on too your point , I’m sure we all know a number of ppl ( blk men and women) who our fresh out of school with thousands of dollars of debt , trying to get their lives in order. In all honesty I think it’s better for them to focus on getting that in order then trying to fly down the isle, with out being ready.

      ” Epidemic ” sales books, movies and blog clicks and most ppl know this and have been playing off of it ” men” and “women”.

  • TexasMade

    Does it matter when people get married? Really? Especially with first marriage divorce so high? Outside of religious beliefs what is the point of marriage if you don’t want children? As Generation Y, we are seeing our parents call it quits if we are blessed enough to have both parents in our lives. As Prutledge stated before, Black men in their 20′s are looking for a wife. We are busy trying to get ourselves straight, avoid this downturn, educate ourselves, and unfortunately smash everything we can. Eventually most men see the value of women and the value of relationships. It just takes GEN Y Black men a little longer.

    • niksmit

      Sure, when matters if the partners want to produce healthy children after the marriage. I'm pretty sure that's the majority of people even though I'm not in it. Women aren't fertile forever and apparently old sperm makes children with issues.

      For those of us who don't want children, there are a list of side benefits that aren't related to children. I'm sure some marriage equality site has a great list.

      Fools rush in, but the issue is time sensitive for most.

      • bellatrice1

        Exactly! Time is of the essence for women who want to have children, that's why it matters that black men and women are waiting until the cows come home to get married.

        My recent post SBF Seeks Long Term Living Arrangement

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  • YoungGeezy

    from a male perspective (i dont think their can even be a female perspective). the biggest hurdle for guys is having a supportive family and money to make something of themselves.
    blacks in general are taking longer to get on their feet because we do not have the generational backing of our parents in most cases. Most of us are working with what we have and are generally not given the support. if we were im sure there would be a much easier transition for men into marriage.
    and women would stop thinking its sooo much that they are doing something individually wrong.

    for a guy like me i would get married in an instant if i felt i had the support system around me. unfortunately like many i dont.

  • Semina

    I thought the article was funny. It was written to mock the 5011 articles about The "sad and lonely" black woman.

  • http://theSUNK.com TheSUNK

    I read the article, I also scored pretty high on my reading comprehension test in high school, and it didn’t sound like satire to me. But I also understand that Clutchmag’s writers/readers have a very different sense of humor in their comment boxes. I’ll leave it at that.

  • BlueSteele

    Am I the only one who saw the satire (and irony) in Demetria's piece? I even thought it was funny that she spun the 73.1% stat in the same manner as the original article, comedy. Aside from that, she provided a decent "how black men suck at life" list, kudos for jumping on the bandwagon in a mildly entertaining fashion Ms. Lucas.

    I'm tired of this conversation. The Black community takes longer to get married now because we're off getting degrees and working for executive gigs. We're travelling the world, learning to build wealth, etc. In essence, we're doing what we're supposed to do. (I'm generalizing, but it's my truth so I'm riding with it.)
    In 2012, our priorities have shifted. I think it's smart to get married later and give Black families a better shot at stability.

    It would be interesting to see the divorce statistics across age, ethnicity and gender as well. I'm wondering if our marriages, which are starting later, are lasting longer than those of our non-black counterparts. That would help bring the picture full circle.

    Our grandparents and great-grandparents got married 1) for financial security and 2) because it was "normal". Marriages lasted over 50 years because they had to but not all were "happy" unions.

    My grandparents have been together for 50+ years and in my entire life I've never known them to share a bedroom. Even on vacations, they opt for two double beds. They've made it known that although they love each other and are comfortable, they may not have remained together if circumstances were different.

    • http://singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery WisdomIsMisery

      I have a post planned in the queue on divorce rates, but to be clear, we are, I believe, number 2, followed by whites at #3. In short, our delayed marriage rates aren't making our marriages any stabler, since we have the statistically relative amount of divorces as everyone else.

      • BlueSteele

        Zamn! There goes that theory. Thanks WIM!

  • Dr. J

    If you believe that post was satire and not a sad and pathetic strategy to get a foot out her mouth then I have a bridge in Brooklyn I would love to sell you.

    You can ask the fellas, my initial response said… based on who wrote this I knew it would be A, B and C.

    How did I know that? Because nothing else this author writes suggests anything different than what I predicted what would happen in the text of her article. How can it be satire when everything she writes goes along with what she said in this article?

    Miss me with that. We read you, we can see you… coming back with that satire ish was just offensive.

    • BlueSteele

      Operating under the assumption that any or all of us have read her other articles though…

  • Adonis

    I don't have a problem with the same ole tired discussion. It is a conversation that needs to be had. And (black) women need to get this work got****it.

    Demetria & many BW are tired to media assault on BW.

    BW are diseased.
    BW are unattractive.
    BW are fat
    BW have illegitimate kids all over the place
    BW are perpetually single . (And "good" BM marrying other races of women)
    WSHH of BW fighting all over the place. etc.

    So in response, she wrote a "satirical" piece (BTW jokes are a way of speaking your mind without being offensive) attempting to get in the kitchen of BM & their love lives.

    I prefer if she promoted BW getting with white men (because you know other non-BM just don't cut it) if BM are the men she has described.

    —————————————————————————————————————————————

    Good stats WIM

    I know BW want BM to come save the day so they don't have to clean up the mess they mostly contributed to, but we are at odds. When BW eff up, even with government/educational support, she & her child often live a sh*tty existence.

    BW need to face the music & take responsibility for the mess they create.

    And keep BM out of your collective mouths. Go take it up with The (white) Man. Go to the daddy that left you, take up your issue with the father of your child. No need to denigrate the collective BM intelligentsia.

    Mamba Out

    SSTTE

  • cbrantley15

    We are the blame for our current state of affairs… Our generation is the throw away generation… the first sign of trouble we throw it all away… Everyone is so concerned about being messed up financially and not look at how together you can build an empire together… We are not our parents Generation that's for sure…

  • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

    As a married cat (oh the irony), the facts are what they are. Numbers can be skewed anyway folks, even the Census, want them to be. I got married in my mid 20s, and I appreciate and love my wife. However, and as.a few commenters above pointed out, it may have been wiser to wait. There are more options for men now, and the statistics don’t account for some men not wanting to get married, nor men feeling like they have to be at a certain place before they’re willing to bring a woman into their life. It’s not a cop out, it’s truth.

    Society is patriarchal, so fighting it is not a fight most are willing to take up. There are too many back stories to make one monolithic pronouncement about “why black women are single” or “why black men won’t commit”. At some point, we’re.going to have to get past these questions, and focus more on “why am I (insert status here).

  • richgk0215

    Check out this awesome photo shoot we did with a BEAUTIFUL black couple who just got engaged. So much love between them both and their families.
    http://youtu.be/2V8CRkyLFSk

  • chi9ja

    Dear Lord, i'm just sick to death of these topics

  • blackphilo

    At best, that piece was failed satire. Successful satire targets the persons or circumstances responsible for a situation–in this case, discussions about why Black women can't do better with relationships. But Black men generally aren't the ones insisting on having public discussions about how they aren't marriageable enough for eager, deserving Black women.

    The writer seems confused in thinking that supposedly typical BM issues she highlights–once more, "Where are all the good Black men at?!"–aren't already part of the discussion. If there is successful satire here, it's of a writer who claims she's satirizing an unfair genre while tiresomely complaining about the failings of Black men, as if her "crusade" is new and edgy.

  • Aisha

    So I'm studying education, pedagogy, etc and race comes up a lot. I read the article on Clutch and I wasn't aware that it was satire, but I know more than half of these relationship blogs are just using gender dichotomies for page views. But i digress…I am not concerned about how Black people measure against other races. In particular, a standard of "whiteness" that means marriage=success. The statistic is what it is…are we trying to be the best we can be or are we trying to prove to all other races that we are not worthless according to their standard of measure? I mean, do we really need our stats to be equal to the others or do we just need to strive to be better people (i.e. work together as a community). I don't know just what I thought about as I read. Btw, I like your post WIM…always a great read.

  • D.Evans

    Black men aren't married because they don't want one woman, they want many. Black women aren't married because they've been taught to be too independent. Why? Because as soon as some new p**** crosses your man's path, he'll be gone. Commitment no longer exists in this society.

  • Ispitfacts

    Here's the answer although 87% of African Americans consider themselves religious we are the main group having babies out of wedlock so other groups get married sooner to have kids black men so no need to rush to get married to have kids because there are plenty of black women who will have their kids with no ring and there's the epidemic back in the da black girls had fathers who would make the boyfriend marry them now that two parent homes are uncommon their is no pressure and that's that

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  • https://plus.google.com/117087414583104866232 movers los angeles

    Interesting post. It's the real fact. There are some people who are guilty, but there's nothing we can do.

  • Ryan

    Marriage, or lack thereof is not the issue, the epidemic is the starling rate, 73% of black women giving birth are unwed. The break down of the family is whats troubling and that should be addressed, given the data that supports a direct correlation between success in life and family structure.

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