I Don’t Know No Kionna: When You Run Into Your Ex with Your Current

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You’re out with your current beau/gal at a lounge and spot someone you used to kick it with. Dang, they saw you too! :-/ From that point forth, you avoid eye contact, but you can feel them looking at you every 1.5 minutes which you are enjoying laughs and giggles with your main squeeze. You make it through the night without any interactions with the “old thang” but you feel bad about not speaking since really there is no bad blood between you two (and if you were alone you would have been cordial and polite). Oh well, you just hope he or she understands. Seriously, what is the protocol when you are out with your new boo and run into an ex-fling? Should you point the person out to your new boo and dish the dirt or sweep the chicken bones into the closet? Is it okay to avoid speaking to your old him/her in order to avoid a million and one questions from whoever you are currently with or is that seen as being shady?

Please help! <3 u guys! Thanks!

This situation happens more often than we would like to admit. If you live in the same city as a former lover/significant other, and you’re dating a new person in that same city, chances are a run-in is inevitable. Take it from a dude who lives in NYC, a city of 8-9 million people: close encounters of the awkward kind can and WILL happen. Mathematically speaking, the law of averages, coupled with the law of attraction divided by your Kevin Bacon number usually yields a high probability that you can see someone you used to date while you’re on a current date.

Before we get into the proper rules of engagement, let’s go over what the desired circumstances are for each person in this situation.

For the ex-boo who just happens to see their ex somewhere with someone new

Women will tell you that they hope that they look extra cute and sexy, so no trace of wackness can be detected in their aura. They want to put you on your heels visually, and inherently want to impress whoever this “new b*tch” is, as we all know women live to show off for one another.

Men are similar in that they don’t want to look like a clown in front of their ex flame. It isn’t so much to impress as it is to give off an air of status. Usually you want to look like you are having a ball. You want your life to depict a continuous music video, with Lil Wayne’s “No Worries” blasting at the highest of octaves, and women smiling happliy as you pour up. DRANK. head shot. DRANK. sit down. DRANK. stand up… You want to let whatever dude she’s with wonder why you’re so happy after her. It’s petty, but accurate.

For the person with the current boo who sees the former

You mainly want no crazy confrontations. Depending on how the relationship ended (or if it’s really over?), you don’t want any problems. You also don’t want them to see you with a subpar “replacement.” Admit it or not, we all have egos, and we like the prevalent perception to be that we upgraded. Yes, you can upgrade partners in areas other than looks, but we don’t see personality from first glance.

What is the protocol when you are out with your new boo and run into an ex-fling?

Is that yo new man?

To make this decision, you have to know who you are with and you have to know your ex. If this is a first date situation, it’s a little different, but the core principles remain the same. Either way, I think you should acknowledge that you see the ex, and suggest a plan of action. You don’t know if the person you’re with will feel awkward about you chatting up your ex while they are with you. At the same time, to disavow knowledge of your ex can lead to mistrust down the line, especially if you see them again. Men, you KNOW women have crazy memories, so don’t think they won’t notice the same woman twice, even if it’s YEARS apart!

There’s nothing wrong with saying what’s up. If you two truly don’t speak anymore because it ended badly, than so be it. I would briefly put that out there too, so that you don’t feel forced to be fake cordial for the sake of being an “adult”. On the other hand, not saying ANYTHING at all makes you look like you have something to hide, and depending on what you want to build with your current flame, it can be detrimental for your relationship.

SBM Readers, what would you do? Would you take the DMX “I don’t know no f*ckin Kionna” route, or would you speak up, and why? Are there situations where it’s better to say nothing at all?

Streetz

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From Our Partners

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    I’ve been in the situation a few times….as the boo, the ex and ex with boo. As the boo, I instinctively gauged reactions. She was a little surprised but cool, he looked like he was gonna cry in the car. He dapped me up and introduced himself as a friend, she would later clarify. No harm no foul. When the ex, I simply said Hey and kept it moving, if she wanted to explain me later that’s her business. The ex with the boo was interesting, both times the breakup was fresh. One time I pulled up next to her at the longest red light ever, we both tried to keep our eyes on the road, until her friend yells out “Hey Tristan”. My date gave me a funny look, I said it was my exes best friend, true, I might’ve left out the part that the said ex was driving. Wasnt hiding, just didn’t seem important. The other time was unavoidable I ran into another she said hi, I introduced them and kept it pushing, I get a text from her “oh i see”. As much as it’s assumed one will move on, the visual will always sting a bit.

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  • SimplyB

    If we're still cool (talk on the phone, text, hang out once in a while), oh he better speak if I see him out with his new boo. I don't care if his current is crazy, will ask a lot of questions….I have feelings too. If your boo isn't comfortable with you still talking to your ex, then we don't need to.

  • InsomniaPoet

    I speak, give a hug and introduce the ex to the current as my ex-bf so & so. As the ex -running into the ex with his current I do the same sans introduction, tell new boo hey & it was pleasure meeting you and keep it moving. I think the best thing to do is act like he doesn't matter no matter how much he does. (I'll cry in the car later LOL) As the new boo on a date w/ a dude when he sees his ex I get nosey as hell. There will def be a convo of oh that's your ex? When/Why'd y'all break up? How long did y'all date etc. It's the perfect in to the conversation many men try to avoid. Get as much info as I can and then never mention her again…

  • SimplySaki

    As one who believes that once things get beyond a certain point with a person of the opposite sex true friendship cannot exist, my personal policy is to wish the ex well from a distance. In each scenarios given above, I see no need to speak. Perhaps a slight smile or head nod, if that, but nothing more. We are adults, and life has moved on for both of us separately. Keep the emotional sting felt (if any) to yourself, be cordial, and carry on. Anyone who has previously dated me knows about my firm boundary in this area, so I would be very surprised if someone were to attempt to test it. And if I’m with someone new who is established or becoming established in my life, I would give them the rundown when appropriate – preferably later on when the ex is no longer in the vicinity.

  • http://inanimatethoughts.blogspot.com Animate

    I've been on both sides but only had a "bad" experience running into the ex.

    Went to a restaurant with another couple. As we were waiting to be seated my girl leans over to me and the following happens:

    GF: There goes your ex
    Me: Huh?
    GF: Your ex is working here.
    Me: Really?
    GF: Did you know she worked here when you suggested we go here?
    Me: I had no idea. I haven't talked to her in I don't know how long.
    (time passes as we have to wait for a seat. I go to the bathroom. On my way to the bathroom the ex texts me "I see you" to which I respond "I heard. The GF saw you". As I return to the group….)
    GF: yeah that's definitely your ex.
    Me: I know
    GF: How you know?
    Me: She texted me saying she saw us while I was in the bathroom.
    GF: That bitch could have come over and spoke she didn't have to be sneaky with it. I was looking for a reason not to like her and this is it.
    Me: Are you serious right now?
    (we get seated)
    Waitress: Can I get you all's drink order.
    Me: Yeah I'll have a coke and shot of cuervo
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    • MaggK

      oh lolll i'm sorry, i hope she wasn't loud lol!

  • cynicaloptmst81

    First, that clip and last picture?! LMBO @ them and those captions!

    It depends on where the person is. I wouldn't wave from across the room or anything…and once I noticed them, I'd freakin stop looking that way, lol. If we come within a foot or two of one another, then I'd speak and introduce them.

  • Plan~B

    I've seen this situation from all angles.

    When I was the ex-BF I may wave or something mild to acknowledge I see her – but soley for her benefit and to avoid the ( R U acting funny?) text coming if I do not. There has only been one instance where the ex-GF actually introduced me to her new dude. We dapped up and exchanged some sports talk and kept it moving – no weird feeling on my end at all. I usually try to bring closure to past relationships if I can help it.

    When I see an ex-GF while with the current, I would speak up to be upfront about things. Now what I would say would vary depending on the level of the relationship the "ex" and I had.

    If the relationship was a lengthy one I would let my current GF know that is an Ex-GF of mine, speak to her if she is near, and introduce my GF.

    If the ex-GF was a more "recreational" situation, I would just mildly say that I used to "talk to her" a while ago. No introduction needed unless the "ex" pushes the issue…in which case she is trying to make her presence felt.

  • Southerngyrl_

    I would definitely speak to that person, but there are situations that probably justify not saying anything at all. I would say, if that person is mentally ill or obnoxious, it probably isn't a good idea to start a conversation while you are out with someone else.

    Also, cool points for the Freema Agyeman gif up there. I am a big Doctor Who fan and recognized Martha Jones right away.

  • http://twitter.com/K_tenKS @K_tenKS

    Grow up people (whatever position you're in). If you're with your boo and you see an ex, just simply wave at them and continue on with your business with your boo. If you see an ex with a new boo just simply do the same, a quick smile and a wave and keep it moving. If you're the new boo and your date sees their ex, don't start drama. There's no need to make yourself obvious and if you still have your ex's number (why you would I dunno..I think that's stupid) then acknowledge it later. Once you start giving the side eye and wanting to introduce yourself then your insecurities start to take over you and it'll ruin your night and perhaps make you look stupid. Unless they somehow know each other, your boo doesn't even need to know that your ex is in the room.