Groups of Women: Are They Too Big to Succeed?

man-surrounded-by-womenI don’t go out as often as I used to in my younger days, but there is one phenomenon that has baffled me since I was young: large groups of single women “looking” to meet a man. To be clear, most large groups of women aren’t looking to meet men.  Most women (claim they) go out to enjoy the company of their friends, drink, and have a good time. The last thing they (claim they) want to do is meet a man! This is despite the fact that they spent hours shaving, plucking, and dressing in an sexually appealing manner, yet will simultaneously argue that they didn’t shave, pluck, and dress up for other women. So who are they dressed up and looking good for? I have no idea; themselves, I guess.

On the other hand, most men go out to meet women.  Men shave and dress up for women – and they admit it. Some people report that you can’t find your wife/husband in the club – or apparently, anywhere on Earth that men and women might consistently frequent – which is strange, since the people who say this are the same people who frequent these places the most often. But, back to the issue at hand. Why do women bring so many other women with them to places they claim they want to meet a man, and why are they so hesitant to go to those places by themselves?

black women in tiara

What women want men to see…

First, let’s identify the problem. It’s strange that men are allegedly the more competitive of the sexes, and yet it is women who are more likely to place themselves in competitive positions when it comes to dating, usually with their own friends. Sure, you might know you’re the most awesome woman on Earth, but from a random man’s perspective, unless you’re the best looking woman in your group, he might not reach the same conclusion as you. This isn’t a reflection of you. It’s just that he can’t see your extremely awesome personality from across the room, so chances are he’s simply going to go for the woman with her breasts and buttox hanging out who looks the most approachable.

Next on the list of issues with your cheer leading squad-sized group of friends is the fact that a cheer leading squad of women surrounds you. Let’s say we are attracted to you despite your friend with her breasts and buttox hanging out standing beside you. We still have to figure out how to navigate through this team of women. Mind you, this is a team that might be filled with haters, ugaboos, married friends, [Rooster] blockers, and other assorted road blocks to success. Who has time for all that? Even if I have a wingman or a group of wingmen, the success of our brief interaction is often dictated by the success or failure of everyone’s interaction. A group of wingmen is only as strong as the weakest link. If one of my friends doesn’t have game – and we all have that one friend in the group who should have stopped shootin in the gym years ago – we all fail simply because he can’t keep your equally un-interesting homegirl interested in him long enough for us to get to know one another.

A far larger issue is the fact that men are far more willing to accept their role in the group than women. THIS IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE. The main reason large groups of men are far more likely to succeed than large groups of women, aside from the annoying women’s mantra of “we came together, WE LEAVE TOGETHER” – coincidentally uttered by the single, most unattractive woman in the group – is that men know their role. In order for any given group of men to succeed, the actors must know their role and most importantly, stick to the script. In other words, know thy place in the group’s hierarchy. Women, on the other hand, have no sense of kinship. If there’s a corresponding “women’s law,” I assure you I’ve never heard of it.

Group of Black Women

What men actually see…

For example, a group of men might see a group of women and one of two things will happen: 1) long before they approach the group of women, they self-select or verbally select which woman they’re going to approach; 2) a well-oiled wingman team will take a number of sacrificial slaughters, by jumping on a “grenade” if they have to, if it increases the overall likelihood of success for the team. Taking the same scenario with women, since women are generally against approaching men, they see a group of men approaching them and ALL THE WOMEN WANT THE BEST MAN IN THE GROUP AND THEY CONSIDER ANY OTHER MAN IN THE GROUP AN ABJECT FAILURE AND DIRECT ATTESTATION TO THEIR STANDING AS A WOMAN. The day a woman-friend told me that she judged herself based on the type of men that approached her my head almost exploded.

I’m not advocating that women become loners. In fact, if you’re like the zebras of the African Serengeti, then your herd size might act as a deterrent to predators. If that’s what you want or if you’re satisfied with the type of men that currently approach you when you’re with your friends, then I suggest you change absolutely nothing. I bid you adieu and a thousand years of success. However, if you frequently hang out with groups of women ranging from 5 – 55 and wonder why men don’t approach you, perhaps you should consider the scenarios I described above and the affect they are having on your dating life. You might also want to heed the advice from this post, To Grab A Man’s Attention & Combat the Loneliness: Date Yourself. An excerpt:

Last night the Twitter talk became really, really heated! It was based on Nita Gamble’s recent post,  Celibacy? No Problem, Loneliness Now That’s an Issue. There was a question posed by @bruiser_hamwhich basically asked, what are women doing to proactively find a mate and combat loneliness? His question is one that I hear often from men who are tired of hearing us gripe about being “alone” and “single”. The idea of “waiting on God for a mate” – or anything for that matter – is erronously translated as “sit on your butt and do nothing and wait for it to fall divinely from the sky.

As if he were secretly reading our timeline, Gospel living legend, Fred Hammond posed a question to his followers, “The real question is why are single women who are available and want to be out with male company home on a Saturday?” At first, I thought this was a trick question. What is a saved girl supposed to do on a Saturday night? It’s not like there is a Christian Club Convention going on…

However, I had been sitting on the answer to finding a mate this whole time. So, please allow me drop a jewel real quick. Last month, I’d made a decision that I was NOT going to go on dates with what Heather Lindsey defines as “RANDOMS” just to combat boredom and loneliness.

So, what did that mean exactly? For most women, it means that they just sit at home catching up on Reality TV, entertainment gossip, planning “Girl’s nights” that never seem to happen or reading devotionals and talking hair. What did it mean for me? I resolved to go on dates…SOLO…read more.

As usual, as fully-grown, free-thinking adults, you are free to do what you want. As a general rule of thumb, I don’t bother approaching women in groups larger than three (by myself). I’ve found the headache is generally not worth the payoff. Some women think a “strong man” should fight through heaven, Earth, mountains, oceans, rivers and all their female women-friends to engage them in a conversation. A “real woman” shouldn’t have to make any changes or minimal efforts to meet a man, even if these efforts simply meant hanging around less women who have the exact same goals as her, meeting a decent man; thereby reducing her direct competition and improving her overall odds of success at achieving what she claims she wants. After all, if you and 5+ of your equally attractive, awesome-personality equipped friends are standing in a room together, how is a man supposed to differentiate? I suppose he should know that you and you alone are more worthy of attention than the friends standing to the respective right and left of you who believe the exact same thing.

WIM SigFellas, does the size of a group of women have any effect on whether you will approach or not? How big is too big (pause)? When approaching a group of women, do you focus on entertaining the group or the individual of interest (e.g. buying everyone drinks versus only the woman you want to talk to)?

Ladies, has the size of your group of women-friends ever had a detrimental effect on your dating life? When you’re looking to be single and mingle do you downsize the group’s size or does it matter? Should a real man approach the group, regardless of size, and take you away or is he responsible for entertaining all women in the group, even if he’s only interested in you? Is it ever a positive or negative if he focuses on the group rather than the individual?

From Our Partners

  • TyreeH

    I go out probably anywhere from once or twice a month, and I have been known to venture out by myself sometimes. If I am out by myself, I will not approach a group larger than 3, and even then I will wait for some kind of separation amongst the group. Then, I will go for the one I am interested in and her alone. I will buy her drinks and what not, but my main goal is to separate my interest from the pack. When I am going out with some of my friends, all of us are willing to approach a group of woman and make our picks. And I am talking about groups as large as seven females, and it's only three of us. You really just have to get the crew to open up and engage everyone at first then after the mood is lighten up go for who your interested in and usually my friends and I just fall into place. Another thing is we are all completely unselfish, if one of us is having more success than the other we will take one for the team, or at least the greater good of the friend having the most success.

  • Stanley

    It's like these women are trying to get ONE men to buy them all drinks. I don't wanna be that guy.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      no sir, not me…i've gone out in a group girls and guys…shorty was getting us drinks on some poor simps tab

    • bree

      lol….Stan I've seen that. And the sucka's will fall for the bait and do it every single time.

  • Adonis

    Get this negro a medal. Wiz, you have outdone yourself again. Which

    I thought it was not possible.

    Quick story, I have a certain hangout spot in NYC. Let us just say,

    that I got to know the cooperative latina women that work. I ask

    important questions to the attractive women I want to date. I also

    get to know some of the people in the vicinity who frequent this

    hangout spot. I make friends with this black militant

    latino man, who is the embodient of the Fifty Shades of

    Grey type of guy I aspire to be (a guy who loves to spank, and

    women who love to be spanked by.) who love lightskin women (I like

    'em dark, but I like my women affluent & cooperative more, dark

    girls have mental issues.) Still with me? good.

    I tried to put the moves on this (damn near) white latina woman,

    she wasn't feeling it, so I charged her, and moved on mentally. No

    bitterness, cause I know if I put in enough work to many different kinds of attractive women, the woman I want

    will eventually respond. So, tell my friend about her living situation, which basically that she has multiple baby fathers WHO have PRIMARY CUSTODY (smart woman) and the other (black) baby father is in the pokey.

    So this critical research was a DIRECT contribution to these two

    spanish birds getting together, and I am happy for them.

    Real friends help other friends GET laid.

    BTW, my brother basically hand delivered poon for me on a platter,

    and I appreciate his referral to this day.

    Sure some men are haters, and I used to be like that, but women are

    consistent haters & I have been saying this for the longest,

    Most of women's issues with men are self-sabotage. Not because

    there are no good men to choose from. Part of that is sh*tty

    parents, sh*tty friends, a sh*tty self-esteem image, & most

    importantly a sh*tty mindset. But women want men to fight through

    all of that to have something special with them.

    I am with Wisdom Khalifa, Eff all that noise. I'll stick to the

    attractive, affluent women who want it more. I am a complete human

    being (a man) . You need me to complete you (a woman).

    SSTTE. Mamba Out.

  • Adonis

    Delete that last one admin. I had to clean that up a lil bit.

    Get this negro a medal. Wiz, you have outdone yourself again. Which I thought it was not possible.

    Quick story, I have a certain hangout spot in NYC. Let us just say, that I got to know the cooperative latina women that work there. I ask important questions to the attractive women I want to date. I also get to know some of the people in the vicinity who frequent this hangout spot.

    I make friends with this black militant latino man, who is the embodient of the F”ifty Shades of Grey” type of guy I aspire to be (a guy who loves to spank, and women who love to be spanked by.) who love lightskin women (I like 'em dark, but I like my women affluent & cooperative more, dark girls have mental issues.) Still with me? good.

    I tried to put the moves on this (damn near) white latina woman, she wasn't feeling it, so I charged her, and moved on mentally. No bitterness, cause I know if I put in enough work to many different kinds of attractive women, the woman I want will eventually respond. So, tell my friend about her living situation, which basically that she has multiple baby fathers WHO have PRIMARY CUSTODY (smart woman) and the other (black) baby father is in the pokey.

    So this critical research was a DIRECT contribution to these two spanish birds getting together, and I am happy for them.

    Real friends help other friends GET laid.

    BTW, my brother basically hand delivered poon for me on a platter, and I appreciate his referral to this day.

    Sure some men are haters, and I used to be like that, but women are consistent haters & I have been saying this for the longest,

    Most of women's issues with men are self-sabotage.

    Not because there are no good men to choose from. Part of that is sh*tty parents, sh*tty friends, a sh*tty self-esteem image, & most importantly a sh*tty mindset. But women want men to fight through all of that to have something special with them. I say NO.

    I am with Wisdom Khalifa, Eff all that noise. I'll stick to the attractive, affluent women who want it more. I am a complete human being (a man) . You need me to complete you (a woman).

    SSTTE. Mamba Out.

    • Adonis

      One more thing,

      In a woman's eyes in America, attractive men are few & far between, that last thing a single woman is going to do is help her single friends get into a good relationship when she isn't in one herself. So it is definitely a different mentality among women.

    • KitKatCuty84

      You have some serious issues.

    • FlyyLibrarian

      So you live in NYC?! I would actually LOVE to meet you!

  • http://twitter.com/SecretSweetLady @SecretSweetLady

    A large group is only detrimental for my dating possibilities if I stay around "the pack" like a scared puppy. This is how I do it:
    1 We arrive together
    2 We get some drinks
    3 I break free from the group and take a walk around the room/club/whatever, while scoping out the "possibilities"
    4 Go back to the group to announce that I'm going to dance (if it's a club) or go over there (wherever I saw more "possibilities") and take ONE friend with me.
    5 Smile (back) at a guy I like while doing me.

    If the group is bigger then 4 I always try to reduce it 3 once we've arrived. I've noticed that men can be a bit shy when there are so many women clinging to each other, especially when they seem to be by themselves. I never leave with a guy, always with at least one friend because I don't do one night stands.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    No bigger than 3-4. Women go out with 2-3 friends tops if they looking to mingle, 4 or more its basically some sort of celebration you'd be intruding. My plan of attack is if theres a specific one I want i might try to catch her alone, or bring a team member or two. If theres a cute group, I'll catch the eye of one, she gonna tell her crew they gonna discuss and usually the one with any interest will already be appointed free drink ambassador decided for me before i get there.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… APPEARANCES

  • morganthewriter

    If it's more than one, I don't bother.

    When I see a group of women, I immediately think "Hard Work." I don't see the purpose in approaching multiple women if I'm only interested in one. Also, I believe you have to work hard to win over the other girls in the group, and I don't believe in doing more work to get the same thing.

    To me, it's like someone setting out two plates full of vegan French toast, and to get one of them, I have go through an obstacle course to get to; the other I can leisurely walk up to. I, of course, am going to take the path of less resistance. Same with women.

    Plus, I've heard the way groups of women talk, and they can be quite mean. Who wants to deal with that? Certainly not me.
    My recent post In Defense of Meteorologist Rhonda Lee

    • Bree

      Morgan, what do you do when your dating and/or in a relationship with a woman and she wants you to meet all her closest girlfriends, sisters, cousins and there are like 5 of them?
      That seems like harder work than approaching a group of women and selecting the one you want.
      In a situation where your meeting her girlfriends, and female family members your being dissected and questioned and interrogated by them. I would say that would make for a much more hellish situation for many men, except the most charming ones that thrive amongst groups of women and can charm the panties off practically any and every woman of any age.

      • bree

        I think it's lazyness on the part of the man. Fella's are making "a mountain out of a molehill" with this one. Whats the problem with simply introducing yourself to all the ladies in the group and and complimenting the one your interested in as an icebreaker and saying to her girlfriends, "Excuse me ladies, would you mind if I borrowed your friend for a few minutes, I promise to bring her back in one piece."
        I don't see that as being too difficult and exerting too much energy. Men exert 3 times that amount of energy in the gym. If I was a man I would do it in a heartbeat no questions asked.
        It causes me some concern that men want to do little to nothing to get a womans attention that they are supposedly interested in.

        • Well Enuff

          "In a situation where your meeting her girlfriends, and female family members your being dissected and questioned and interrogated by them"

          That's no problem since we know at the end of the day we still have our woman. It'd be nice if they all really liked me, but not a mandate. That's not the case in a bar or nightclub or bar setting. If you hope to get anywhere with a woman there, you have to get approval from everyone, especially the token c0c*block. (Ladies, if you don't know who the cb is in your group, its probably you)
          Bottom Line:

          If her family spits venom in her ear about you, she already knows you and can balance what she's seen and what they say to formulate an opinion on you.

          If her "crew" spits venom about you, she doesn't know anything about you and will likely side with them over some dude she just met.

      • FlyyLibrarian

        "In a situation where your meeting her girlfriends, and female family members your being dissected and questioned and interrogated by them…."

        0_o

        Women really allow this to happen? So no father/boyfriend sit-down? I guess….

  • Smilez_920

    Luckily I have a good group of friends. When we are out together it’s not a competition, we're great wing women to each other. But I have seen other groups of women and to me there are 3 types of women in a group that make it hard for the group to progress and get some play.

    • SmileZ_920

      1)“The attention seeker”. All eyes have to be on her at all times. She’s the one in the group who doesn’t know how to take the L and let her other friends be great for the night.

      2)“The secretly jealous friend”. She wants everything that one of the girls in the groups has. She always has to one up her friends like it’s a competition. If one of her friends goes “I’m getting a new car next week” she’ll go “I’m buying two new cars tomorrow”. In the club group situation, she’ll see one of her friends getting attention from a guy (She probably has no interest in) and then try to c0ck block.

      3)“The gilt trip”. She’s the friend that will see her home girl having a good conversation with a nice guy, and then all of a sudden be ready to “go home” or go to another spot out of the blue. She’s also the one who gets mad when the guy out the group that she “wanted” wants another friend out of the group. Instead of just rolling with the punches, she’ll through dirt.

      • LBoogie

        I hate to admit it, but this is soooo true. Sometimes I do not like going out with a group of women and if I do I am usually the one that's "working the room" and moving around.

      • BlueSteele

        And sometimes #s 2 and 3 are the result of #1 not getting all the attention. That's why I meet everyone up at the spot, lol! I'm with y'all, but I'm actually by myself!

      • FlyyLibrarian

        And "friends" is what you call these type of women???

        Interesting.

  • Streetz

    Men know their role in the group. Thats why groups win. Everyone has a part in the grand scheme and executes!

  • J. Crawford

    Fellas, does the size of a group of women have any effect on whether you will approach or not?
    Depends on the place, mood, and type of women I see

    How big is too big (pause)?
    More than 3 is Too Big; I'm ONLY interested in 1 of Ya'll (maybe 2), NOT the Entire Entourage

    When approaching a group of women, do you focus on entertaining the group or the individual of interest (e.g. buying everyone drinks versus only the woman you want to talk to)?
    Just One; Women speak of Monagomy yet I'm supposed to hype the whole Pack???? GTHOHWTBS

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      tell em…
      My recent post Today’s Word is… APPEARANCES

    • Larry

      "Women speak of Monagomy yet I'm supposed to hype the whole Pack???? "

      Lmaooo!

  • InsomniaPoet

    I think it's sad that meeting a man has to be this much work. If I am out w/ a group of my girls, why can't you just come over and ask me to step away and talk w/ you for a moment. Unless we are at dinner this is totally acceptable. I'm at a bar w/ the entire crew (10+) and a man sends a drink over to me, I will excuse myself from my friends and go and chat it up for a minute and thank him for the drink. I think maybe you guys are thinking about this more than we are. Now I am NOT gonna leave the crew and go home w/ you for the night but that wouldn't happen even if I were alone. I don't go out often so when I do it's usually only because the crew has convinced/dragged me out the house. So you'll rarely catch me in a club alone. As for a bar, or after work, happy hour etc. sure I do that by myself a lot, but not the club. Who wants to go the club all alone?

    • http://inanimatethoughts.blogspot.com Animate

      Because it's borderline rude to interrupt a group of people you don't know. I get your point though. Look at the example you gave, the guy didn't come to your group he got your attention and you left. Much different than walking over to the group.

      This also shows how women don't understand the (usually) male side of dating.
      My recent post Murci, Murci Me

  • Bree

    I've only rolled wit a pack of more than 4 females at once maybe twice in my life. I'm just not a woman who likes being around a bunch of women all the time. There are enough women in my family I hang with so I'm cool. Plus I prefer having male energy around me most times. *smile*
    Idk about other places. In Philly where I'm from and the surrounding area's I've always seen women engage men and talk and laugh and joke with them. I've struck up convo's with many a total stranger. When men have approached me and my crew we kick it with them. I've even been out and with my girls and we saw a man sitting by himself. We invited him to sit with us and he had a ball. He said we made his nite.
    One thing I do know, most women typically engage men they are physically attracted to, same thing men do.
    So if women aren't engaging certain men then it's because he's not cute or he's a "huggy bear" type dude.

  • BlueSteele

    Strategies? Plan of attack? African Serengeti? When did dating become a scene from Black Ops? Oh Lawd!

    I don't know about the whole cheerleader squad, going out dolo to combat loneliness and the whole nine. I do what I feel like doing, when and with whom I feel like it. Sometimes that means going out to dinner/club/dancing/insert other event here by myself (a lot actually). Other times I'm with a few girls, guys, or a large mixed-gender group. I know so many people in my city that it doesn't matter If I'm by myself, I'm bound to see at least a few familiar faces, and meet quite a few more.

    I respect the post, but I have to wonder…is it really THAT serious?

    • BlueSteele

      And honestly, I meet more men at hockey games/football tailgates and Whole Foods than club scenes. Generally, when I'm out having a great time or doing normal, everyday stuff, without the "come get it" accoutrement, I meet more guys that actually turn into some significant friendship or dating situation. Then again I am light-skinned. I kid, I kid!

      • bree

        lol @ BlueSteele. I've met men at the supermarket and being out by myself and at sportsbars.
        I've never had a problem meeting people in general every time I go out just doin my thing.
        I'm wit you on that one BlueSteele – And I ain't even light-skinned. lol *smile*

      • MaggK

        LMAO i can't with you!!!

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      its real in the dating trenches yo…lol its not that serious honestly, im certain mrs tristan isnt gonna be in yolo fridays but since im there i minds well hunt for sport. i've seen a group of girls at barnes and noble and had no issues approaching…okay im lying i might've still made eye contact and let them scout me first
      My recent post Today’s Word is… APPEARANCES

      • bree

        how u know where u gonna meet her Trist? Unless your automatically disqualifying every chick you meet there just off of gp?
        I personally know people who met in the club and were in long term relationships or got married.
        It may not happen all the time, but it does happen.

    • http://twitter.com/Neuronerd17 @Neuronerd17

      I was thinking the exact same thing when he started talking about how a group of men have a game plan when they go out and everyone's role. Like seriously? It's all that? Maybe if I was like some of my other friends and went out like that I would have seen this but it can't be that serious. The time and effort people put into certain things always surprises me.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      Yes, it’s that serious.

      The inventor of “sarcasm font” is going to make a fortune.

      • BlueSteele

        As is whomever finds a way to put a thumbs up on the standard QWERTY keyboard.

        • bree

          those are great ideas. let me hurry up get them patented before BlueSteele and Wis. I will give you guys 30% for the ideas. Thanks *smile*

    • cynicaloptmst81

      "Strategies? Plan of attack? African Serengeti? When did dating become a scene from Black Ops? Oh Lawd!"

      LMBO! You and Smilez said it all today.

      Hmmmmm….
      *writes down tailgating parties in my notepad*
      Do I have to learn the game first???? *serious question*

  • Bree

    “we came together, WE LEAVE TOGETHER” Wis at least for me and my girls and most women I know thats more of a Safetly issue than anything else. I mean would u want your sister or daughter leaving a club with a man she just met and doesn't know from a can of paint??
    Granted many times if I was with a group of ladies we were invited places together as a group. And if there was one that tried to buck the majority rule of going we talked that one, (or they talked me) lol into sucking it up and going.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      i never been a take em home type…at most its u call ur friends ima call my friends and we can be friends at dennys in a couple
      My recent post Today’s Word is… APPEARANCES

      • BlueSteele

        I prefer IHOP, but that's generally how it goes.

        • bree

          Or if your in the "dirty dirty" the Waffle House!
          Or if u know about that "Overnite Scenario" "3 in the morning the pancake house"

        • BlueSteele

          Oh Waffle House…stories for days!

        • Peter Parker

          Bree, I so miss the Waffle House….One bad thing of living in the DMV

        • Ife

          there's definitely Waffle House in southern VA honey

        • Kinectic

          No you didn't!!!! LOL….

  • bellatrice1

    I don't go out alone and don't plan on doing it in the near future or ever really. I don't see the point. It's just not me. I am usually part of a group but like someone else said if I see a person of interest, I break away from the group with maybe one other girl.

    So, fellas, if she doesn't break away, maybe she's not interested and it's a good thing most of you guys are afraid to approach a group to get that one.
    My recent post SBF Seeks Long Term Living Arrangement

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    First off, dope post WIM.

    "Fellas, does the size of a group of women have any effect on whether you will approach or not?"

    Yes. Like water and electricity, men typically take the path of least resistance when there's not much to differentiate between a woman in a pride of females, and a woman out with one or two of her girls.

    "How big is too big (pause)?"

    Anything more than DDs is too big. Four or more.

    "When approaching a group of women, do you focus on entertaining the group or the individual of interest (e.g. buying everyone drinks versus only the woman you want to talk to)?"

    Typically, just the individual of interest. But it depends if I'm approaching solo or if I'm flanked by wingmen.

  • FlyyLibrarian

    I'm a one woman wolf pack, but only because I don't want to wait on anybody else to get ready, when they want to leave, how long they want to stay, going to the restroom together (even though I don't have to go -_-) or if they have funds to attend (broke h0e$ won't hold me back!).

    If I do go out with someone else, it's one other woman whom is usually guarded/protective (ie a rooster block) if someone approaches me. Most men side step my friends to get to me (odd because I consider all my friends more attractive than I). By myself or with another, I attract the same amount of men though.

    Outside of a celebration, I personally think going out as a group of women is a hassle and childlike (high school).

  • bree

    I just took notice of something…..if men are always "taking the path of least resistance" it's no wonder there are so many single sista's out here. smh.

    • BlueSteele

      *snaps 2 times*

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

      see but ummm…
      My recent post Today’s Word is… APPEARANCES

    • mac

      I just took notice of something else….if women are always bunching into 40 member hen parties at the club, it's no wonder so many "good" women are lonely.

      • FlyyLibrarian

        They're not lonely. They're with their "girls".

        *snickers*

  • Rus

    Women have no codes.

  • Larry

    Great post Wim…I have nothing to add here.

    As far as the questions go yes the number of the women in a group does effect whether or not I may decide to approach. I remember having a convo on Twitter and a woman was saying if you talk to her and buy her a drink then I better offer to buy a drink for all of her friends (El-oh-El). That's neither here nor there, though. If the group is larger than 3 then the interest of me approaching decreases as the number goes up, lol.

    It depends about entertaining the group…if I don't have a certain person in my sights and rather feel out who's feeling me I'll talk to the whole group and joke until I get a sense of who's feeling me and casually fall into a solo conversation.

    • Larry

      Yanno…now that I think about it, I never really did get a straight forward answer when I posed that question to the linked article's author that night on Twitter, lol.

      • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

        Story of my life, bro.

  • InsomniaPoet

    well I thought the point of the post was that a man isn't doing the work unless I choose to roll solo everywhere b/c approaching a group of women is just too much…so in essence I am doing some work as well. If I want to be approached then I have to change my normal habits to become approachable….

    • Larry

      You doing more work entails making less phone calls to your group of friends to see who wants to go out with you? Gotcha, lol ;-)

  • blackphilo

    The word "entitlement" seems appropriate here to describe a type of womanly sensibility. Then there's also a willful lack of appreciation for what real (male) work involves. But if that game is usually working for women, more power.

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com/ madscientist7

    i don't approach strange women so i automatically win. ppl say you miss one percent of the shots you never take but i don't abide by that logic. eff all the hoops single men have to go through when approaching a woman in a club. i'll pass.
    My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

  • Peter Parker

    Save the Polamalu jersey please! You know you need to get a #10 jersey and rep RGIII!!! lol Naw kidding, but I probably would get my holla on because I know that we have atleast one thing in common, football lol

    • BlueSteele

      I almost thumbed you down for the TP diss! lol

  • Peter Parker

    Yeah I have to agree with most of the fellas on here. From my experiences, women in groups really don't want to be bothered and are just enjoying the company of each other. Now if I see a female in a group that carrys herself like the potential Mrs. H, then I will either get my wingman to do his job or somehow get her attention through my many antics of grabbing a woman's attention.

  • curlyk

    I’ve been lurking here for like 2 months and I’ve finally decided to comment. I agree that guys think too hard about the whole approaching a group of more than 3 or 4 women in order to talk to just one. It’s all in your delivery and your approach. It is not rude to come up to one woman in a group, introduce yourself, and then ask for a moment from whoever you’re interested in. No [sane] woman is going to be offended if they’re a real friend to her . In fact, you’ll most likely gain points with her, as well as with her crew because you were brave and bold enough to approach her despite who she’s with.

    But bottom line. It is all in a guys approach. Whether she’s alone or not. If you’re polite, genuine, and respectful; she’s going to respond in the same matter. Even if she rejects you for whatever reason, she’ll do it with respect if that makes sense. And if she’s rude in her rejection after you’ve been polite, you dodged a bullet anyway.

  • MaggK

    Good post and the comments are interesting (make me think about the "are men lazy" post…!) And for women asking if it’s THAT serious, yes it is ladies :P ! It's hard for men outta here… Poor pies ahahahah!!!
    But the thing is that men don't pay attention to the signs… Let me help yall: There are different groups of women:

    1) You have the group that is looking for that dude (or group of dudes) who'll buy them the drinks (I call this group "The bees"!) Regarding my experiences and what I’ve seen, men tend to go to "The bees", cuz usually they are pretty (they want them drinks so they figured out that the minimum required is to look good) and men find it easy because those women are so thirsty, you don't even have to talk just come with the drinks in your hands. Bees are well organized and rarely fail!!!

    2) You have the group where everybody is bored and looks mean!!! You don't know why they're out because clearly they're not having fun! I don't understand why men keep on trying to entertain this group… Of course they will fail… These women go out JUST to turn men down ahahaha!!

    3) You have the group that is there TO PARTY, they own the dance floor, they sing all the songs, hell they rap!!! Obviously those women ain’t there to have a conversation with some random men, they are aspiring dancers and singers (joke)!!! They probably don’t go out often, and they try to have the best fun ever, don’t kill their vibe by trying to introduce yourself… They will pay way more attention to you if you dance with them… If you can’t dance BYE!!!

    4) You have the group that is talking, laughing, singing sometimes, dancing, and having shooters at the bar… In this group there are single women who will die to find a man, the problem is that they have attitude, expectations, high standards, they THINK they are all that, when you speak to one the rest of the group is looking at you (…listening too ahah)… It’s SUCH a turn off for men… I mean it’s just a club… Nobody’s trying to wife nobody; your number will probably end up in the garbage… So leave your attitude at the door, and just have fun… Or else "The bees" will keep on winning (oh yeah this group hates "The bees" :P !!!)
    Warning: You will absolutely be rejected by this group if you approach them with some wack lines!!!

    • mac

      So let me get this straight. Men are "Lazy" and put too much thought into approaching a gaggle of women, right?

      However, you post a 2110 character ,388 word dissertation on how SimpLe it is to read the minds (and emotional states) of any random group of women across a nightclub.

      The Black Ops manual is shorter and actually makes sense.

      That's ChicK Logic for ya !

      • BlueSteele

        You might have more luck if you didn't refer to us as "chicks". #JustMyTwoCents

        • mac

          Chicks dig it

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    bree: "I think it's lazyness on the part of the man. Fella's are making "a mountain out of a molehill" with this one. Whats the problem with simply introducing yourself to all the ladies in the group…I don't see that as being too difficult and exerting too much energy."

    Or we could exert even less energy by getting a different woman's attention that we are interested in that is not buried in a swarm of her friends.

    Ladies, try to see this a man's point of view since many of you ladies stedfastly refuse to approach a man you're attracted to. Stop thinking about your Prince Charming approaching you, and start think about how you treat the guys that approach you that you are NOT interested in. Then think about how you act with a group of your friends with liquor in your system. Now revisit the question.

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      This doesn't mean we absolutely won't approach a particular woman if she is out with ten of her friends in the champagne room. But considering we don't know you, and there are other very viable options, MOST (key word, because some men will because like the challenge) men will speak to a different woman that he is attracted to that is not surrounded by a congregation of her friends. Why would we take the more difficult option? A lion probably is not going to pass up a slower gazelle just to try to get to a faster one.

      (Yes, I know female lions are the ones that do the hunting.)

  • Dr. J

    Don't sleep on the Singles Ministry. That's good money at most churches.

  • Ali

    Consider what seems at first to be a relatively obvious and uninteresting fact: virtually all men need to drink alcohol before they will approach a woman they are attracted to. Think about that: virtually all men need to drink alcohol before they will approach a woman they are attracted to. You might not be able to empathize with the difficulty of approaching women, but this fact tells you pretty much all you need to know. Pause for a moment and ask yourself what other social actions are so unnerving that people would almost categorically get intoxicated before doing them (if it were socially acceptable to do so). Public speaking maybe? A big job interview? Confronting a good friend about something very important to you? A lot of people get nervous about these kinds of things long before doing them – hours, days, or sometimes even weeks in advance. Approaching a random, attractive woman is easily on the same difficulty level for the vast majority of men, and for a large number of them, it is much harder.

    I am sure some female readers are thinking “That is ridiculous; it shouldn’t be that difficult.” Fine. Great. Maybe it shouldn’t. I could say the same thing about public speaking; it shouldn’t be that difficult either. But normative statements aside, the fact is that, for most people, it is. To paint this picture as clearly as possible, I am going to draw a quick analogy…

    Imagine that every time you wanted to go on a first date to a guy, you first had to get up and speak in front of a full classroom or conference. Imagine you are walking down the aisle in the grocery store and a tall, attractive man turns towards you and is about to say something, when suddenly everything freezes and you find yourself sitting in a high-school classroom, being told that next week you will be expected to speak in front of the class, alone, for 15 minutes about an assigned topic. Remember that feeling of dread you used to get when the teacher made that announcement? That is precisely how it feels for most men when they are faced with approaching a random hot girl for the first time.

    But it isn’t even that simple. For the analogy to be accurate, you won’t only have to swallow your pride, get up there, and do the presentation, but you will actually have to achieve a grade of 80 % or higher if you want the guy to ask for your phone number. It will be difficult to present the material naturally when you are nervous, because you will probably rush through it, maybe forget certain details, or speak too quietly. You posture will matter a lot too, but it is difficult to stand up straight when you are nervous. So your nerves will not only make accepting the challenge difficult, but they also destroy your chances of earning the requisite 80 %. Actually summoning up the guts to push through that initial fear is nowhere near enough.

    Don’t forget that in addition to the quality of your public speaking itself, the content of your presentation will need to be interesting and original. You won’t be able to impress the class or the teacher with mere poise; you will also have to show them that you know what you are talking about – that you are intelligent and understand the material well. At the same time, you shouldn’t overdo this demonstration, because if you try too hard to impress them, it will be obvious that your knowledge isn’t organic, that it was rehearsed for this event only.

    There is more. Remember that you will be graded on a curve, relative to the other students giving presentations – just like a man is always judged relative to a woman’s other male options. And there will always be other students in the class that are naturally more gifted than you. Remember that nerd that always looked like he owned the class when he got up there to give his presentation? Not only was he confident, but he also made it painfully clear that he knew exactly what he was talking about – probably better even than the teacher. You were the first in the class to present, and he was one of the last students. Trying to get a better grade on your presentation than that kid is what it is like for most guys who want to talk to that beautiful brunette in the corner, who is standing right next to a 6’3″ athletic, good-looking and cocky guy, who has probably bedded dozens of girls like her. You got up in front of the class to compete with the nerd because your teacher required it. Would you have done it if you’d been given the chance to opt out? What motivation does the guy in the bar have to challenge himself?

    In fact, it is a huge testament to the depth of the male desire for sexual companionship (and I don’t mean that only in the physical sense) that we push through these fears and nerves – yes, sometimes with the help of alcohol or game – in order to talk to and attract women. We do routinely get up in front of the class, swallow our pride and nerves and try our best to beat that nerdy smart kid with the killer public speaking abilities and nerves of steel. And we often do it without any external motivation.

    I am not trying to glorify the struggles of men, nor am I am trying to excuse our weaknesses. I am simply trying to show the girls who say things like those quoted at the start of this post that the male-female comparison isn’t as simple as they believe; and I think analogies like this one go a long way towards doing this. If public-speaking isn’t something you find difficult, then you can substitute it for whatever makes you nervous. Maybe for you it is going on roller-coasters or telling someone you care about that you love them for the first time. The point is that this kind of comparison will help you understand – and hopefully, therefore, appreciate – how difficult it can be for a guy to approach or pursue a girl he really likes. This understanding will count towards your general understanding of male behavior, which in turn will serve to improve your chances with men.