How One Man Became Jaded: Part 4


Click here for the other parts of the series. 

After we got back together things were going strong for a good four months before we began to hit rough patches. I can’t remember exactly what caused this particular argument, but we were mad at each other for a couple days. The fact that I can’t remember what we were arguing about let’s you how trivial it was. I remember on a Friday evening I was having work done on my car and I called Stacey to see what she was up to. I ended up getting her voicemail and I left a message letting her know it was silly to be arguing and that I wanted to take her out to dinner.

I got a call back about two hours later and she sounded pretty dry.

“Yeah I left town to visit my friend from college for the weekend.”

“So you’re just gonna leave town and not let me know that you were going?”

“I didn’t see the point.”

“Oh. So where are you?”

“I’m in North Carolina.”

“So, is this friend from college you’re visiting a man or a woman?”

“Tunde, I went to Spelman.” (Sidebar: FYI, I’ve coincidentally dated quite a few women who’ve attended Spelman including my current girlfriend. One of my best friends also went there for undergrad as well.)

“Don’t try to play me. I know how it is with Spelman and Morehouse.”

“Tunde, I went to Spelman.”


***Backtrack a few months***

My ex-girlfriend before her sent me an email that was entitled ‘Crush Calculator’. It asked you to input the first and last names of your top three crushes and it would calculate the odds you would have of hooking up with each of them. Only once you did that, it said it was a joke and the three names would be sent to the person who sent you the email. It didn’t work on me because when I got the email I could only think of Stacey and I left the rest of the names blank. I still thought it was funny so I forwarded the email to a bunch of my friends. The response I got back from Stacey was jarring to say the least.

“Stacey’s 3 crushes:

  1. Tunde A_______________
  2. Bradley C______________
  3. James T_____”

Imagine my shock as I tried to piece together exactly who these guys were. When I confronted her on the response she said: “Those are just guys I have crushes on, you don’t have to worry about them because they aren’t accessible.” If I had the knowledge back then that I do now, I would have pressed the issue more but I was too naïve and too trustworthy.

****Fast-forward a few months after Stacey’s trip to see her college friend. ****

One Sunday morning, I was at her house and we decided to go to the grocery store to pick up some groceries to make breakfast. I put the groceries in the back, but I noticed that some of the milk had leaked through the bag onto her leather seats. As we pulled up to her house she stopped her car in front of her house she let her window down to grab her mail from her mailbox. While waiting for the garage door to open, she looked through her mail and let out a sly laugh. I noticed, but I didn’t’ say anything.

As we were putting the groceries away, I grabbed a couple of paper towels to clean up the mess on Stacey’s backseat. On the counter she had placed her mail. On top of the pile was a birthday card envelope (I assumed it was a birthday card because her birthday was about a week away). The return address was from Charlotte and name was Bradley C. I have a very sharp memory and it immediately clicked in my head that this was the college friend that she went to see a couple months back.

After I cleaned up the mess in her car I asked,

“So Stacey, remember that college friend you went to see a couple months ago? Was that a guy or a girl again?”

Without missing a beat, “Oh yeah that was a guy.”

“So you lied to me? “

“No. I said it was a college friend. I never said it was a guy.”

At this point, I felt like she really thought I would believe anything that came out of her mouth.

“So when you went where did you sleep?”

“In his bed.”

So now I know she has a crush on this dude, she flew from out of town to see him and she slept in the same bed with him. I know if I had those three circumstances in my favor with a very attractive woman with a body to kill for, its code X and I’m hitting it all weekend.

Looking back at our relationship, I can say that was point where I stopped giving a f*ck. I had never cheated on my girl until that point. We had been through our ups and downs but I believed she was the woman for me and I honestly thought that she was the woman that I would marry. A lot of people (including Patricia) had met their life partner at Meharry and why not? 95% of the students there were black future doctors. Put that many attractive, intelligent black people in one atmosphere and its bound to happen.

To be continued…

From Our Partners

  • KuiN

    Dude…the suspense is killing me! How many more parts?

  • keSAN


  • Well Enuff

    Leaving town without telling me would've got her a** dropped (as in broken up with, not bus drivered punched) right there. Sneaking around is bad enough, but sneaking around out of state?! You should've ran that situation by somebody you trust so he or she could give you the swift kick you needed to do something about that.

    • Tunde

      she used the excuse of us not talking for 2 days as her reason but i suppose she planned the trip further in advance than our fight.
      My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

      • Well Enuff

        Yeah, but still. Whenever you have sketchy situations like that, you should run them by a confidant to get their POV. That's what friends, and sisters who will cut somebody are for.

  • YoungGeezy

    This girl is worthy of a drop ASAP. if any guys are going through anything similar where you have the think twice about your girls movements then I suggest you bite the bullet take the pain and DUMP the woman NOW.

    You will survive, you will find another girl, and you will be happy!

    I hope this guy drops bombs on this chick in the end because as we say in the UK this girl is "taking the piss!"

    • Tunde

      lol wait. "taking the piss" i'm curious about this.

      yeah unfortunately this was a lesson that i had to learn through personal experience.
      My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

  • Smilez_920

    disrespect . Not only did she lie, she tired to play it off by telling the truth , right after in a calm way . she tired to make you question yourself . Smh Stacey gave no chucks. Then the email , she must have put a spell on you Tunde , but I understand , sometimes you want the person more than you want the truth.

    • Tunde

      "sometimes you want the person more than you want the truth."

      if this ain't the truth.
      My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

      • Bree

        Tunde I hope for your sake you never meet another "Stacy" again.

  • SingLikeSassy

    She played you, but you played yourself too. Great big red flags practically blinding you and still, she was cute, had a banging body so you hung in there. You shouldn't have been mad at her you should have been mad at yourself. And being jaded just allows this woman and this relationship to continue to have power over you.

    • WAChick

      I don't think Tunde is jaded anymore though…

    • SimplySaki

      Agreed. Not sure why one would become "jaded" over this because it was clear that this chick had absolutely no respect for Tunde. It was also clear that he seemed to value her over himself at that point in time (based on his actions). What consequence was there really for her to no longer treat him like a doomat? Jaded about women? It's time for a paradigm shift….if a person wants to grow in life and move forward, they have take accountability for their part in their own story. Otherwise history is likely to repeat itself.

    • Tunde

      i will admit that i played myself. you live and you learn. happens to the best of us.
      My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

      • paulb31

        Been there brother.

  • Melissa

    Wow. This girl legit did not give a toss about this "relationship" and you.

    She said 1. "you don’t have to worry about them because they aren’t accessible.”

    2. Without missing a beat, “Oh yeah that was a guy.”

    3. “In his bed.”

    WOW! I'm hurt for you. Just a filler in the space that happened to be free :-(

    (P.S I know i said I wouldn't return for this series after the last episode, but I had to know what more tricks Stacey pulled.)

  • BlueSteele

    That B****!

  • InsomniaPoet

    I want to be pissed at Stacey but I really can't be. She basically told/showed you back when she had Steve running up on you in the apartment that she wasn't committing to you. AND let me guess first girl you ran to was what's her name Adrianna? – chick from the movies wasn't it…

  • “Yeah I left town to visit my friend from college for the weekend.”

    “So you’re just gonna leave town and not let me know that you were going?”

    “I didn’t see the point.”

    The relationship would have been over for me immediately. There would would be no follow up questions, no displays of emotion, nothing. I just wouldn't see the point.

    • Tunde

      that would be me today. 7-8 years ago, not so much. this story not only tells how i became (i'm not anymore) jaded but it also taught me that women can be as trifling if not more than men.
      My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

  • Alana

    The suspense is killing me, but it gets better and better every week.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    And she straight told you she slept in his bed?!

    What did the 5 fingers say to the face?????????

    This moment reminds me of Sanaa getting slapped over the counter in 'The Family that Preys'…I don't condone abuse ever. But there a def times where I understand.

    I would've forgiven you, Tunde. I would've…

    • Lol….the sheer bluntness was almost as disrespectful as that act. you just gonna tell me to my face u slept in another man’s bed, no remorse, no idea that I might could not be okay with it. like Damn. women are cruel.

      • BlueSteele

        Like you didn't try to cover it up when I asked you about it the first two times though? I say again… THAT B****!

  • Been there. It’s troubling when relationships get to that not giving a damn phase…once you lose respect for the relationship anything is bound to happen.

  • bellatrice1

    Dang she's a cold piece of work! Smh But chix like her are usually the ones that end up getting wifed…I think men like pain.
    My recent post SBF Seeks Long Term Living Arrangement

    • Chubb

      Truth! Effin masochists…

  • Tunde

    i doubt that's what is was. although i was raised in a traditional yoruba household i was born and raised in washington, dc. i will say that i didn't have that much experience with women period and i definitely didn't have experience with women like this.
    My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

    • Bree

      Oh ok

  • Peter Parker

    Bro, this serious is dope! Shorty girl is off the hook though. Karma is a MF though…lol

    • Tunde

      appreciate it. karma doesn't always come around for people tho. that will all come out in part 6.
      My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

  • kimauralee

    Tunde you should've known she was at a male's house when you asked her was she staying with a MAN or WOMAN and she said "I went to Spelman." B**** Answer the question, I didn't ask you what school you went to. Smh I want to dropkick that hussy for you, she was blatantly disrespectful towards you but you allowed it.

    • Tunde

      you are absolutely correct. in the end i have myself to blame for much of this as i have her to blame.
      My recent post Founding Father of Bigotry

  • Lettie

    Aw Tunde I feel like people are acting like they have never been in a situation where they got played. Everybody plays the fool sometime. I am just happy to hear that you learned from this experience to become a better person. Really enjoy reading this series.

  • Lotto

    Yo why do you keep us on the edge of our seat it gets better and better. But on a serious note that chick has some serious issues. I wonder was she sexually abused as a child. She is the one that is really Jaded

  • Chris B.

    Come on son. It's way too many signs that this joint trifling. I would have cracked her one last time that night Steve called and never would have talked to her again