A Few Things That Love Is Not

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things love is not

I came across a post titled “10 Things That Love Isn’t” a few days ago from Rey over at Seriously Maybe. Since it’s a good read, I wanted to share it with the SBM fam. Check out some of the main points below:

It’s hard to define love. I was trying to think of a concise definition and I’m sad to say that I came up short. So I’ve decided to look at it from a different angle and describe what love isn’t. Below is my list of 10 things that love is not that are commonly mistaken as love. Let me know if you agree.

1) Love isn’t a reason to be miserable for the rest of your life.

This occurs with married couples that are old-fashioned enough to stick it out for love but aren’t hip enough to go to a marriage counselor. What you end with is a painful awkward situation for the rest of your life. You say you love this person, that’s why you haven’t left, but when you’re around them there’s an undertow of pain/regret/helplessness. That isn’t love.

2) Love isn’t a reason to be beaten physically, emotionally or spiritually.

If you are emotionally dependent on the person you love, something is wrong. Your self-esteem should not be at the whim of your partner. Emotional health and stability is just as, if not, more important than your physical health. It goes without saying that any physical beat down is not a sign of love

3) Love isn’t a reason to stay in a horrible relationship.

If you get no joy from your relationship and the only reason you’re still in it because of those words you hear your partner say “I love you”, you need to reconsider your situation. If everything else about the relationship kills you slowly from the inside out, you need to run. That phrase will not magically make the relationship better. In fact, it may make it worst because of the hypocrisy that it signifies for you.

4) Love isn’t something you have to prove.

If someone explicitly asks you to prove your love, something is wrong. If you love another person it should be evident in your actions. If you say you love someone and you don’t act like it, maybe you don’t love them. If you are showing love to your partner and they still ask you to prove it, they are extremely insecure and you should reconsider being with an emotionally unstable person.

5) Love isn’t something that HAS to be said constantly.

This is an extension of #4. You can tell if someone loves you by the way they act. The words solidify it, but you know before it’s said. Once it is said, it doesn’t have to be repeated constantly. As long as those loving actions remain, you should be good. If those loving actions decrease or become non-existent, the person probably doesn’t love you anymore and it’s time to move on.

6) Love isn’t the be all end all of what life is about.

Life is about being happy and doing the things that gets you to that happy place. Be comfortable with all your paths to happiness and don’t focus on one.

7) Love isn’t a liability.

Because you love someone, it doesn’t mean you have to give up the other things in life you enjoy. If you choose to give up someone because of your love for someone, that decision should come from a loving place. In other words, you shouldn’t regret any part of giving it up and you do it again in an instant if you have to do it all over again.

Click here to check out the rest of the article over at Seriously Maybe.

SBM Fam, what are your thoughts? Good list? Disagree on any of the points? What would you add?

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  • yellowpinkies

    Love every bit of this.

  • CrayolaGirl

    Thanks for posting. I would send this one person but she would be offended.

    • darkniz is spreading

      One thing I learned in life is that people "get it " when they reach a point in their life when they are ready to receive whatever lesson life is trying to impart on their stubborn behind.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    I actually disagree with #9, "Love isn't blinding".

    I think love/strong emotions, wants, and desires can def cloud how you view a partners faults or the gravity of relationship problems. Love can make you a bit more optimistic than you probably should be in some cases.

    • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

      I’ll agree that love isn’t blinding, but it does tend to allow us to overlook some things that we normally wouldn’t. What was endearing in the beginning, can turn annoying. Especially if love is growing stale between too people.

    • Rey

      A lot of people have a problem with #9. The only question that I would ask is, is it love if you can’t think or see clearly?

      • cynicaloptmst81

        "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

        Yes. When the time comes to not bear, not believe, stop hoping, and cease enduring, if you're really in love with yo, you're gonna run into a problem. This is why so many s/o's stay past the expiration date…love.

        • Slim Jackson

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        • Rey

          i"m not sure I understand what you're saying and I'm not sure what we disagree. I'm saying that love doesn't blind you to the evils of another person. I think you're saying that a person would stay with an evil person if they are in love?

          If that is the case, how can one love an evil person? Doesn't that make the lover evil as well? And if they are both evil, is that love?

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Evil person? There are men that I've dated who were lovable, good brothas…just not a good match for me. They were lovable…I loved them. That love did not make us compatible. Our strengths and weaknesses did not blend in a matter that propelled the relationship in a positive direction. Love caused me to hope, believe, bear, and endure the relationship despite its obvious shortfalls…in hopes our problems could be worked out. Eventually, I accepted that they could not be worked out. But, eventually would have occurred sooner had it not been for LOVE! Feel me?

    • Bree

      cosign Cyn….for many many people love is deaf, dumb, and blind. This accounts for most of the dumb and ridiculous things people think and do when they are "in love."
      In fact it's a scientific and psychological fact that love cna definitely cloud or impair ones judgement.
      Love and Fear.

  • Ms. Lisa

    Slim, are you available for your HR services??

  • David

    great article!

  • http://twitter.com/sabadaga @sabadaga

    Great article. I was talking about the meaning of love with one of my friends. I told her that when a man LOVES you, he won't cheat on you, she completely disagrees with that. SMH

  • http://Nomoreadvice.com Beautifulsagsister

    Great read. Enjoyed reading the posts as well. Seems folk got caught up on #9. Perception is everything we all may not view #9 the same. But in the article he was simply saying you wouldn’t turn the blind eye to someone treating you poorly. Clearly if someone loves you they won’t treat you poorly. In terms of overlooking someone flaws your not turning a blind eye. You simply love them enough to a deal their flaws and all. Again a great read.

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