Who Hurt You?! – Why You Should Stop Caring Who (S)He Dates
I appreciate and admire the SBM comments section. We have some of the most interesting, knowledgeable, and entertaining people in our community. You all impart your wisdom on readers and writers alike. Once in awhile, we will get a comment that’s so left field, that it will cause people to #REACT, and invoke a plethora of emotions. I saw one the other day under our Robert Griffin III post asking about the ramifications of Rob Parkers “corny black brother” comments. This was the comment regarding RGIII’s white fiancee:
Of course some of the black men on this site that applaud and encourage ALL interracial and NONDATING of black women think he’s a GREAT ROLE MODEL FOR YOUNG BLACK BOYS! Show them they can be standup guys, highly educated, smart and educated and that if their “romantic preference” is someone that DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THEIR MOTHER, SISTER OR AUNTIE, then hey, EVEN BETTER!!!!
THIS is what we want to teach our black boys, huh??? NO THANKS!!!
I will take a cornball, nerdy, educated brother on the OBAMA/JAY-Z TRACK, that dates, marries and worships a BLACK WOMAN any day of the week.
Date and marry a BASIC WHITE WOMAN, your good for throwing a ball, catching a ball and singing some songs.
Date and MARRY A FEARLESS, LOVING, ENCOURAGING & SUPPORTIVE BLACK WOMAN and you can become the President of the United States!!!!
Mind you, this post had NOTHING to do with interracial dating, and everything to do with mistimed and misplaced comments by a corny black dude trying to call another black dude corny. Yes, I know this woman might have been trolling, but I had a simple rhetorical question:
“Who Hurt You?”
This acrimoniously articulated comment actually sparked me to get some thoughts off my chest. Why is it that men and women care so much about another person’s preference, especially regarding race/nationality? When men and women date outside of their norm (race, class, etc), people want to create a sociological case study to determine whether outside influences and indoctrination contribute to your perceived “natural preference”. I’m here to let you in on a dirty secret: most of the time, it’s NOT that deep! Most of the time, people just like what they like and it isn’t deep rooted in history or societal norms!
It’s ironic that we will preach to live in a world with equality and post racial overtones, yet will scoff at a black man dating a white woman as an indictment of black women, instead of his personal preference. You love who you love, and it shouldn’t be because of the color of their skin, but because of the content of their character. Too bad we don’t all see it that way.
You even get that within the black community. When men or women choose to date the fairer skinned of our race, there’s accusations made, like “Why do the dark skin brothers always want a light skinned long haired chick? Is it because its the closest thing to white they can get while still being within the race? He hates his own skin!!”
Seriously, this happens still in 2012, and not in jest! I mean, should all dark skinned people just date each other? Should we punish our light skinned brethren for their perceived “acceptance” in a white majority society by reducing their dating pool and forcing them to date one another? It’s stupid. I mean after all, you’re encouraging them to make MORE light skinned people and increase the ranks of their army!
When I was a youth (pronounced yout in certain parts of NYC and the Caribbean), I would get offended when a young fast-ass, no taste lady wasn’t interested in me. How could any young girl not want to immerse herself in my inherent teenage awesomeness?! I would blame the media, the love of the “thug dudes”, and everything else under the sun. One day, when I matured, I realized two things. First, I can only control certain things to make me appealing to women overall (my body, looks, intelligence, etc.). Second, if a woman isn’t feeling me, that’s her loss and I need to go fishing elsewhere.
Someone’s preference isn’t an indication of what you or your “group” is doing wrong. Their vision and their likes are THEIRS! I don’t try to forcibly convince someone that Pralines and Creme is a top 5 ice cream. I can expose them to it, and if they don’t like it then fine. I will just revel in the greatness with like-minded individuals. Everyone should do the same when it comes to others’ preferences. I understand that you may have had some experiences in your life that makes you angry and bitter when you aren’t someone else’s type. At some point, you have to accept the fact that not everyone will be into you, and you will have to find those that are interested. Wasting your time exuding misplaced anger at celebrities and regular dudes for just doing them, is an exercise in futility.
Does it matter whether or not you don’t fit a person’s preference? Why do people get caught up in what others like? Overall thoughts?