Who Hurt You?! – Why You Should Stop Caring Who (S)He Dates

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why is interracial dating such a big deal?

I appreciate and admire the SBM comments section. We have some of the most interesting, knowledgeable, and entertaining people in our community. You all impart your wisdom on readers and writers alike. Once in awhile, we will get a comment that’s so left field, that it will cause people to #REACT, and invoke a plethora of emotions. I saw one the other day under our Robert Griffin III post asking about the ramifications of Rob Parkers “corny black brother” comments. This was the comment regarding RGIII’s white fiancee:

Of course some of the black men on this site that applaud and encourage ALL interracial and NONDATING of black women think he’s a GREAT ROLE MODEL FOR YOUNG BLACK BOYS!  Show them they can be standup guys, highly educated, smart and educated and that if their “romantic preference” is someone that DOES NOT LOOK LIKE THEIR MOTHER, SISTER OR AUNTIE, then hey, EVEN BETTER!!!!

THIS is what we want to teach our black boys, huh??? NO THANKS!!!

I will take a cornball, nerdy, educated brother on the OBAMA/JAY-Z TRACK, that dates, marries and worships a BLACK WOMAN any day of the week.

Date and marry a BASIC WHITE WOMAN, your good for throwing a ball, catching a ball and singing some songs.

Date and MARRY A FEARLESS, LOVING, ENCOURAGING & SUPPORTIVE BLACK WOMAN and you can become the President of the United States!!!!

Mind you, this post had NOTHING to do with interracial dating, and everything to do with mistimed and misplaced comments by a corny black dude trying to call another black dude corny. Yes, I know this woman might have been trolling, but I had a simple rhetorical question:

“Who Hurt You?”

This acrimoniously articulated comment actually sparked me to get some thoughts off my chest. Why is it that men and women care so much about another person’s preference, especially regarding race/nationality? When men and women date outside of their norm (race, class, etc), people want to create a sociological case study to determine whether outside influences and indoctrination contribute to your perceived “natural preference”. I’m here to let you in on a dirty secret: most of the time, it’s NOT that deep! Most of the time, people just like what they like and it isn’t deep rooted in history or societal norms!

It’s ironic that we will preach to live in a world with equality and post racial overtones, yet will scoff at a black man dating a white woman as an indictment of black women, instead of his personal preference. You love who you love, and it shouldn’t be because of the color of their skin, but because of the content of their character. Too bad we don’t all see it that way.

tumblr_m4nhl3m7cg1rww8ndo1_400You even get that within the black community. When men or women choose to date the fairer skinned of our race, there’s accusations made, like “Why do the dark skin brothers always want a light skinned long haired chick? Is it because its the closest thing to white they can get while still being within the race? He hates his own skin!!”

Seriously, this happens still in 2012, and not in jest! I mean, should all dark skinned people just date each other? Should we punish our light skinned brethren for their perceived “acceptance” in a white majority society by reducing their dating pool and forcing them to date one another? It’s stupid. I mean after all, you’re encouraging them to make MORE light skinned people and increase the ranks of their army!

When I was a youth (pronounced yout in certain parts of NYC and the Caribbean), I would get offended when a young fast-ass, no taste lady wasn’t interested in me. How could any young girl not want to immerse herself in my inherent teenage awesomeness?! I would blame the media, the love of the “thug dudes”, and everything else under the sun. One day, when I matured, I realized two things. First, I can only control certain things to make me appealing to women overall (my body, looks, intelligence, etc.). Second, if a woman isn’t feeling me, that’s her loss and I need to go fishing elsewhere.

Someone’s preference isn’t an indication of what you or your “group” is doing wrong. Their vision and their likes are THEIRS! I don’t try to forcibly convince someone that Pralines and Creme is a top 5 ice cream. I can expose them to it, and if they don’t like it then fine. I will just revel in the greatness with like-minded individuals. Everyone should do the same when it comes to others’ preferences. I understand that you may have had some experiences in your life that makes you angry and bitter when you aren’t someone else’s type. At some point, you have to accept the fact that not everyone will be into you, and you will have to find those that are interested. Wasting your time exuding misplaced anger at celebrities and regular dudes for just doing them, is an exercise in futility.

Does it matter whether or not you don’t fit a person’s preference? Why do people get caught up in what others like? Overall thoughts?

Streetz

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  • WellEnuff

    Why do people get caught up in what others like?

    They have nothing better to do with their lives

    • FlyyLibrarian

      Basically. If you have time to think/talk about what others are doing with their life, you obviously aren't living yours right.

      The irony in the comment I just made…the whole time I was reading this post I kept thinking, "I wonder if Streetz is still with his girl….." #noshame

  • MahoganyDefined

    It's so hard out here to find that one person who you click with let alone you see yourself spending eternity with. If you are lucky enough to finally have found him/her regardless of race, ethnicity, nationality, size, etc. I support it 100% (I actually encourage interracial relationships/marriages/unions. Broaden your horizons!! Educate yourself!)

    • Theuptownbrown

      Preach! It is tough to find that person you connect with. When you find them, you should hold on regardless of what they look like. I am pleased when I meet people who know what they like. Those people can more efficiently weed through the BS of dating without wasting precious time. I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is with me because being with a black woman is the “right thing to do” to show loyalty to our race, increase the likelihood of success or some other superficial reason. That’s no way to live! Relationships are elective…elect to be with someone you love and can have a real partnership with.

      P.s Pralines and Cream ice cream is the best :-) If you aren’t down with that, I can’t be down with you. J/k but not really…

  • http://www.blacklatinafabulous.com Maris

    Hmm.

    You know, I understand the “preferences” argument. I’d even argue that in 70% of the cases, it

    is nothing but “men liking WOMEN, period” or vice-versa, as opposed to a RACE of women/men and the outside world is hung up on “why”.

    HOWEVER, being at the other end of the spectrum…and having experienced firsthand being approached as a “novelty act”, a “fetish”, or being solely reduced to the sum total of my skin and hair…I’d just have to conclude a few bad apples spoiled a lot of opinions on the subject. That is all.

    • MaggK

      I think that we focus on this type of comments way too much… And we forget that for the majority it's not that deep, they just like what they like.

    • Streetz

      You know what's crazy Maris? I have mad latina friends who once told me they felt black dudes would want them for "fun" and not as a wifey, because we were like play things to them and couldnt see ourselves with them long term. I argued against that, but I saw their point. So yeah I def get it.

      PS You go by "Maris" now? You a Novela star? truuuuu

      • Larry

        Well, ya know Streetz since no man ever wants to settle down, techinically then us men want all women as our play things just for "fun"…but I'm #pacquiao, though. lol. (kidding ladies) :-)

      • BlueSteele

        I've felt the same way about (really anyone other than black men) who approach me. The skin tone and curly hair make me this "exotic" thing that they'd like to have. Miss me with that.

      • amaris79

        I'mma fight 'chu and your #Dimples. "Maris" (rhymes with "Paris") is my slave name, the "A" in front baffles too many a gringo, smh.

        And +1 million on the "plaything". Can't tell you how many times I get "ooohhhh…Latiiiiinaaaaa….Spiiiicyyyyyy…." with an inadvertent **hip-shake** (NOT joking. Try and picture it . It's simultaneously horrific & awesomely funny) when asked "what I 'am'". The rest of the evening dissolves into figuring out how long it will take for me to either cook him a meal or intimately explain how I make my tongue roll it's "R's". I'm not tripping, though. I have a Brazilian friend and she gets it MUCH worse than I do.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          "I'mma fight 'chu and your #Dimples."

          *snickers*

        • Streetz

          sooo… about those Rolling R's…. lmaooo

          Yeah I feel you 100% and I get it, but I think that happens to all types of women when apporached by men. We have one track minds until we are shown other roads to travel

        • Bree

          lmao….whenever I hang with female friends of other races men have came out and told us that we would make an awesome 3some fantasy. My Cambodian friend's husband even had the sheer gall and audacity to same some dumb sh** like yeah he could see it and he understood why some men said that to us when we told him what they said. smdh.

  • BlueSteele

    Why do people get caught up in what others like?

    Insecurity

  • blackphilo

    "It’s ironic that we will preach to live in a world with equality and post racial overtones…."

    Maybe this helps to explain some of the confusion and controversy surrounding the "love"/attraction "preferences" issue. Some of us, who aren't even radical nationalists, aren't preaching that post-racial stuff in the first place.

    Should individuals be free to act on their attraction preferences? Of course.

    Are any individual's attraction preferences important enough for strangers to get worked up about, especially when they don't know the circumstances? No.

    But this doesn't imply that attraction preferences are purely personal, free of questionable influences, and so never a legitimate subject for critical scrutiny. Some of the purely personal preference proponents doth protest too much.

    That "Diva" commenter was not off on some tangent unrelated to the post. RG3's blackness was called into question in part, presumably, because he has a (plain-ish) white fiancee. We all know this. If he were involved with a cool, attractive Black woman, Parker almost certainly wouldn't have gone public with whatever other issues he has with RG3's "cornball" nature.

    The problem with "Diva"'s comments wasn't their relevance but their unhinged manner and dogmatic content. She was yelling at most of us for not joining in condemnation or skepticism about RG3's choice for a life partner. Most of us don't know or care enough about this football player's personal situation to render such a strong, impassioned judgment. But that doesn't mean his, and our own, attraction preferences are purely personal in some uncomplicated, post-racial sense.

    I happen to be neither pro- nor anti-interracial relationships.

    • http://thebookofjackson.blogspot.com Dr. J

      I thought about if his lady wasn’t white would he still have made the comments and then I thought “wait have you ever heard this guy talk?” Aside from the “and another thing wtf did you get that accent from?!” voice, he sounds a bit distant. Parker just shouldn’t have brought his fiancée into it. He made valid points in the parallel with Tiger, it’s not that you have to be defined as Black but why are you so vehemently distancing yourself from Black? What’s wrong with “yeah I’m black and?!” RG3 is a little weird.

      • blackphilo

        I'm with you on this, Dr.J. Maybe the brotha is deep in the grip of that whole "don't define me by my blackness" meme that Toure has made popular.

      • Bree

        RG3 may be weird and whatever else, but he's bringing the *Deadskins* the closest to the playoffs that they've been in more than a decade.

  • Sith King Jordan

    "Does it matter whether or not you don’t fit a person’s preference? Why do people get caught up in what others like? Overall thoughts?"

    i think it's a different dynamic amongst black males and black females, particularly since we are a minority in this country, and we are fed ideals of beauty, that quite frankly, lead us, as black males away from black females, currently. that coupled with the fact that males make it their business (or so i have been told) about what exactly their preference is, and i guess even for the most apathetic black female,

    the 'wince' occurs on some level. that's why i make it a priority not to talk about my preferences in public.

    it takes a long time for some folks to finally get a fundamental concept of relationships:
    That the overwhelming majority of the opposite sex, will NOT be into you. BUT, with that knowledge, to be secure in your own skin, perfectly peaceful with ones imperfections, is the mark of a mature man, or woman, in my opinion.

  • sensesocommon

    black vs. white, college degree vs. high school diploma, white collar vs. blue collar, gay vs. bi *coughs* bullshit!!

    There is somebody for everybody, which also means that, that particular somebody for YOU may not fit the standards (or the way it SHOULD look) of everybody else. But who cares?! Happiness comes in a wide spectrum of different COLORS, shapes and sizes. I'll have to agree with Streetz:

    ~> " I understand that you may have had some experiences in your life that makes you angry and bitter when you aren’t someone else’s type. At some point, you have to accept the fact that not everyone will be into you, and you will have to find those that are interested" #CHURCH!!

    I have no preference. I love all men… and women ;) lol I can't say that I have gone white, but I have dabbled in the cuban/puerto rican/dominican nationalities and that's not because that's my preference, it was because we related on some level at that moment. I am currently with a thoroughbred (lol) black male, now… so I guess I'm in the clear, huh? LOL!!

    • FlyyLibrarian

      "I'll have to agree with Streetz…"

      *Rolls eyes* Here you go, searching for some damn brownie points!

      : p

      • sensesocommon

        None needed. *shrugs* It is what it is

        • FlyyLibrarian

          I was referring to yesterday's comment made by the same woman whom made the comment that sparked this blog post.

          If you side with the men, you're seeking "brownie points"

        • sensesocommon

          My apologies… I had to backtrack. Totally missed that one.

  • nyah

    "First, I can only control certain things to make me appealing to women overall (my body, looks, intelligence, etc.). Second, if a woman isn’t feeling me, that’s her loss and I need to go fishing elsewhere"———> Church. Mosque. Synagogue.

    I believe people (myself included) get caught up in what others like because theyre bitter or jealous. And I only make that conclusion because anytime I've personally been caught up in what another man has liked, ive been bitter or jealous and sometimes both.

    I agree with Maris about being a novelty and the fact that its true, a few bad apples really do spoil the bunch.

  • MissLia

    Oddly enough, I had a white male friend attempt to debate with me over my stated preference to date black men. That was a serious head scratch moment considering I'm a black woman, but I really didn't get why it was such a big deal for me to like what I liked regardless. I look at things just the same when it comes to black men. Can there be deeper reasons for their dating preference? Oh absolutely, there may very well be deeper reasons for everybody. Do I care enough to waste any of my time trying to figure them out for each and every brotha in an interracial relationship? Nope. Not my business. The only time women make it their business is when they feel like they have something to prove.

  • Smilez_920

    I agree with Maris and Magg K. It’s always a few bad apples that spoil the bunch. For the most part I believe most people’s preferences are pure, they just like what they like, and its nothing against the person who doesn’t fit the preference, it just is what it is.

    I’m sure most of the women commenting about RGIII gf don’t even find him attractive, yet cant stand to see him next to a “plan “ looking white girl. Honestly from what I’ve seen in my own experience (Key word: my own) is that some brothers (key word some) who are dating white women/girls aren’t doing it as some vendetta against black women, most of the time those guys don’t have a flock of black women trying to talk to them, so if a white girl comes up to them and shows interest, they go with it.

    I learned early that while I am my preference, I might not be every ones cup of tea and there’s nothing wrong with that. Stop worrying about what other people like.

    • Adonis

      Good comment

  • Uncle Hugh, BP

    In ThatDaDivA's defense, I understand the point she was making. It's just that to make such a passionate tirade on a topic that was even about interracial dating, it's obvious that it is a sensitive topic to her.

    "I mean after all, you’re encouraging them to make MORE light skinned people and increase the ranks of their army!"

    The Light Skinned Army cannot be stopped!

    • BlueSteele

      "The Light Skinned Army cannot be stopped!"

      D@MN RIGHT!

      • amaris79

        #TaupePower

        • GirlSixx

          6ft under @ #TaupePower…

          i cannot… lol

    • Larry

      Can't stop, won't stop! lol.

    • Adonis

      The Light Skinned Army cannot be stopped!

      Awesome

  • cynicaloptmst81

    Are we amongst family??? Is this salon/barber shop talk??? I'll act like I heard y'all say, "yeah…yeah", lol…

    Scenarios and my immediate reactions (undaunted by political correctness):

    Cyn sees an average looking black man with an average to pretty white woman – Cyn could care less
    Cyn sees an unfortunate looking black man with an average to pretty white woman – Cyn is happy for the man
    Cyn sees a FINE black man with an average or less white woman – Cyn is a tad salty
    Cyn sees a FINE black man with a BAD white woman – Cyn resists the urge to hate cause the chick is BAD

    Please note that Cyn is also a tad salty when she sees well put together/FINE black men with frumpy or unfortunate black women.

    Please also note that a few minutes after she witnesses any of the above scenarios, she could care less about any of it…its not that deep.

    • amaris79

      +1000 on that last sentence. I think it matters less than people think it does to the people #reacting, but I definitely see how hearing the same comment can get old after a short time.

    • Dr. J

      Just know that you don't speak for all. Your comment makes it sound like you have no clue why anyone would be having this conversation… that's not the case.

      • cynicaloptmst81

        I disagree.

        I think my comment says that we do have this conversation…and thoughts and feelings when we see mixed couples. Salon/barber shop talk reference? Array of reactions?

        And since I typed the comment, let me assure you that that's what I'm saying.

        Mkay? Alright. :-)

        • Dr. J

          I didn't tell you what you were saying. That's all good and fine what you just said, maybe you don't understand what i'm saying. I'm saying that your comment sounds like that. That's an indication on perception. I know what you mean… i'm not an idiot. The only point i'm raising is that the point was made from a personal stance. You can't really speak for all Black women and you can't act like it doesn't happen. It wasn't a rebuttal to your point which you interpreted it to be, it was a followup point.

        • cynicaloptmst81

          Cool.

          So, I guess my question is…who here speaks for everyone? Not to mention that my comment included the phrase, "MY immediate reactions"…and me speaking in the 3rd person about myself. I can't see how anyone would get anything other than "personal stance" from my comment but umm…perception is what it is, I guess. *shrugs*

  • InsomniaPoet

    I didn't agree with Diva's comments on yesterday's post but I think I can understand where she was coming from. It's very easy to say why care about someone's preferences but it's like we've discussed when the light skin vs. dark skin thing comes up; that is often easier said than done. SOME black women have grown up hearing they weren't light enough, thin enough, had "good" enough hair, or overall just weren't enough to be beautiful. They've heard this from family members, society, everywhere. That's a lot of damage/baggage to undo; especially if the proposed solution is "just get over it." Years of being "passed over" can take its toll. It is insecurity like BlueSteele said but it’s a deep-rooted insecurity. It’s not a one-time one thing happened to me type of insecurity. So in answer to who hurt you? I think some women’s response would be life. When you are looking at life through those jade colored glasses it's a little harder to disregard what you perceive to be encouragement of the denigration of black women.
    With that being said, I think people in general (including BW) need to stop acting as if black people/men move as one unit. White folks are rarely judged as an entire group. They have the privilege to be whoever the hell they want to be without it having to represent their whole entire race. Whereas in our community I feel that we are constantly acting/speaking/living for any and every one of African descent. Like come on! Last I checked we don't have monthly meetings where we decide what we are thinking and how we are going to make a statement to the world. Lastly, Diva used Obama as her example of a great black man lest we forget his WHITE mama. He didn't marry someone who looked like his Mama but that was okay because Michelle is black? I mean come on with the hypocrisy.

    • Smilez_920

      +1 InsomniaPoet.

      Most are aware of where the deep rooted insercruity comes from. But at times it just gets annoying and the discussing just becomes an argument with no solution.It becomes a blame game and a guilt trip.

      @Diva comment was’nt completley off,because one of the points mentioned in the article questionig his “blackness” was the fcat that he has a white Fiance. But the whole “you need to worhsip black women” “Obama has a black woman” etc.. was were the tangent for me started.

    • Streetz

      My questions is at what point do you address your insecurity and Be Better?! I can understand historical perspective, but at some point society wont give you a pass and only YOU can help yourself. You only do yourself a disservice by letting that affect you to the point of sadness and defeat

      • InsomniaPoet

        I totally agree with you Streetz…trust me I had to learn how to get over the "you're pretty for a dark skin girl" thing but it took a LOT. It wasn't as simple as just waking up one morning and deciding to get over it is all I am saying. I am not really sure though how to help others get over it. I just think it is a lil unfair that every time the issue comes up instead of addressing solutions everyone just throws the insecure card – writes the person off and then talks ish about they insecurity for an entire day. I am sure that doesn't help b/c somehow we end up back here every other week.

        • Smilez_920

          True… but even when you try to help and show empathy, you get the "You dont understand" or just a lot of push back. Of course saying "get over it" is'nt a postive solution. But even when you take this route—>

          " I understand the historical, social and psycological empact of what you've been through. While I undersatnd your hurt, everyone whose situation resonable something you resent is'nt responsible for your hurt.”

          You still get the cold shoulder. (Sometimes)

  • Larry

    My thoughts/opinion on this subject matter are in line with Streetz's for the most part.

    As an aside I oft wonder if an underlying dynamic of "more white women are more open to dating black men than white men open to dating black women" is generally more fact than fiction (we all know there are exceptions, hence 'generally') …and if it is more fact how much does/would that play into (some) black women's disdain seeing black men date/marry white women.

    In short, if white men were as aggressive in approaching and attempting to date sistas and subsequently them as accepting of the approach therefore creating more dating opportunities would there be as much "hate" on BW dating WW? My opinion…if it does play a part then it's small, but I have had people (women and men equally alike) tell me otherwise in their own opinion. *shrugs*

  • Larry

    *BM dating WW

  • http://twitter.com/inomallday Shamira

    I've always wondered why people seem to care so much about the relationships of people that they're not involved with. If they're not cuddling with me at night, then why am I obligated to give a f*ck? *shrugs*

    (I will say that whenever I see a really hot dude with a less than average chick, I always unfairly assume she either cooks amazingly and has a lifelong subscription to Knee Pads 'R' Us and has a great personality…but I still couldnt care less. I don't believe in stressing over people that aren't checking for me.)

    • InsomniaPoet

      *crying* @ Knee Pads R Us

    • amaris79

      I think the real #Reactions come when it is an attractive person with someone…less attractive, regardless of race. "Self-hating" just sounds like a good excuse.
      However, I will argue that out of the MANY "preferences" arguments I've had over the years..I've only known ONE guy that refused to apologize for his preference for chocolate/mahogany colored sistas. I don't care either way and am simply discussing it to discuss it, but whenever having the "a preference is a preference" discussion I ONLY seem to hear the cries of men who have NO preference at all & just like WOMEN, or men that prefer LSLH. Perhaps that may be why some are taking issue. **shrugs**

    • Larry

      "I will say that whenever I see a really hot dude with a less than average chick, I always unfairly assume she either cooks amazingly and has a lifelong subscription to Knee Pads 'R' Us and has a great personality.."

      LOL…that right there reminded me of this blog post:
      http://www.absolut-ism.com/2011/10/the-awesomenss

    • Tunde

      exactly. couldn't have said it better myself. do i wish that zoe saldana checked for black dudes? sure. am i losing sleep over it? not a second.

  • Jupiter Calhoun

    "Why do people get caught up in what others like? "

    Ego, but more to the point, it's a bit of narcissism.

    Think about it. Where X = a particular race and gender, you're not likely to hear a person of X say "Why does that person only date X? They're not interested in their own race?"

    It just doesn't happen.

  • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

    Many folk don’t want to take responsibility for their own issues. It’s easier to blame society for their aversion to anything, including interracial dating, than it is to focus on why it offends them so.

  • Peter Parker

    Date who you want and just be happy is what I say. When people hate or have negative things to say, that means you are usually doing something right. Everyone has the right to like who or what they like. I mean if I wanna hood chick then don't hate on me if that's what I like. If I only dig thick chocalate sistas with natural hair, stay out my lane and let me be. People are too consumed with what the next man is or is not doing, when they just need to focus on themselves. If I am not hurting or bothering you, why should you even care who I date?? Just sayin….

  • UmmYeahOK

    I've never understood why some people care SO much about who other people are dating. While I may give a side eye to someone who only dates outside their race, that is their life and their issue.
    Love is love. DO YOU!

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com/ madscientist7

    don't know what the big deal is. i don't even have a second thought when i see a black woman with a white (or other man). we're approaching 2013 and i can't believe we're still stuck on this. crazy is the main ones complaining about how they can't believe this person is dating outside their race is that even if the person they were complaining about were single i doubt they would be checking for you. like even if RG3 were single do you really want him and if you did don't you think that there are a thousand other black women he would try to get at before you?

  • krystllyght

    Folks get mad that a black guy is with a white chick. Then there are black guys with black chicks. Oh but they're light skinned and not dark enough for him to not hate himself and his momma. Then you have black guys with darker black chicks but still that's not good enough because her features are "narrow" so he still hates himself and is trying to end our race as we know it. Then when it all finally falls into place, she's dark skinned with a wide nose and lips, you'd think other folks would be happy but still no because chick's hair is relaxed. She hates herself and dude hates himself because he loves her. Do you see how ridiculous this is? Where does the madness stop?

    • Smilez_920

      +100000000000000000000 wish I had seen this earlier

  • yellowpinkies

    My vote is that they have no business of their own to worry about. It's not that big of deal. You like what you like and that's cool. Everyone is entitled to their own preference.

    Nice post. Though provoking as always.

  • RPrice

    Seriously? People are mad at the fact that Bobby Three Sticks is Engaged to someone that doesn't look like him? It's a sad commentary on people can't be happy that the Redskins have a decent quarterback this year that seems like a level-headed, smart, nice guy. I think those who have a problem wih him being engaged to a white woman, may be feeling like they are missing the boat relationship-wise and just projecing their fears and insecurities onto a person they wouldn't be checking for anyways if he were in a different line of work, say a construction worker.

    At the end of the day, you love who you love. I try, for most the time, to not judge others by my standards unless I'm willing to judged by those same standards.

  • Adonis

    At the end of the day, there are older/fatter/uglier/darkskin black women who don't want to compete on the international sexu@l marketplace.

    And there are racist/lame/broke/redneck white men who don't want to compete on the international sexu@l marketplace.

    You have black women who are with white men who still want to be with black men who are salty.

    And as Smilez pointed out, you have black men who fall outside the realm of blackness/attractiveness and alot of BW don't find him attractive, but don't want him finding love where he can get it. That psychosis by its very definition.

    Now, as a man with growing options, black women don't want to look in the mirror & realize as a woman, you are not the most attractive women on the market, and don't want to take proactive steps to be more attractive to all men, esp. black men.

    I gotta find the best women I can get my hands on, I will not allow blackness or a big a$$ to blind logical brain to make a good choice for me & my future family & financial earnings.

    SSTTE. Mamba Out.

    • amaris79

      "black women don't want to look in the mirror & realize as a woman, you are not the most attractive women on the market, and don't want to take proactive steps to be more attractive to all men, esp. black men. "

      I'm REALLY, REALLY gonna need you to expound on that sentence.

      • cynicaloptmst81

        *makes the desperate "No, please don't do this" pleading "girl, what are you doing" face while rapidly shaking my head*

        *shoves note to Amaris*

        "It doesn't matter…walk away"

        LOL…SMH. #ITried

        • amaris79

          Alls I'm saying is..If Streetz needs an explanation as to "who hurt you"…Adonis is giving him one. People are really on here acting like this isn't what women hear every day.

      • blackphilo

        If I may interject…. Go to Clutch, read the comments on "Male Trolls" (a term that evidently includes all non-cosigning men, not just idiotic racists and haters), and imagine how many of these aggrieved women look and act for real. We can be fairly confident they don't fit the profile of most women here on SBM.

        • Adonis

          @BlackPhilo

          I wish you would break it down to @Amaris79, because I ain’t got time to be diplomatic. But these blog ish is my therapy. Let’s give her this work.

        • amaris79

          Um…ew.

      • Adonis

        “black women don’t want to look in the mirror & realize as a woman, you are not the most attractive women on the market, and don’t want to take proactive steps to be more attractive to all men, esp. black men. ”

        I’m REALLY, REALLY gonna need you to expound on that sentence.

        @Amaris79 This blog is therapeutic to me. And I think you are a smart girl. I don’t you are the bullsh*t that a lot of black women are [or maybe you are ~Mamba] so maybe you are in the dark. And I will be happy to enlighten you.

        Now, I am a Negro New Yorker, been one all my life, so I live out here where I encounter different races of women. And I see myself as a man first, Black second [Very proud of my melanin ~Mamba], so I evaluate women on a case by case basis. Mentality & Finances are my top qualifiers.

        Now, when it comes to sistas, most are a victim of circumstance (White supremacist systemic virus), but do nothing to help correct our unique issues

        – Attitudinal, have a low opinion of BM regardless of social standing (mostly towards BM)

        - Fat (not Thick or Phat)

        - OOW Children (And never married) and immature baby daddies

        - BS Feminist ideology (doesn’t matter if she is a Nene Leakes or she an incarnation of Michelle Obama)

        - Halfway h0es (Not fully committed to being somebody’s wife or somebody wh0re)

        And these type of women are NOT the type of women, I or most black men want to marry & create families with (and if black men dissents, please speak up, don’t be a pu$$y).

        And because they are halfway h0es they don’t want put the “h0e boots” on and make some money. They rather eff for free & take stupid hits to their body count.

        I find it that other races of women are the opposite of these unattractive traits I accurately delineate.

        I don’t overlook the fact that there are issues with women no matter who I choose, but I can deal with those issues compared to black woman issues (who think they have no issues.)

        Black women do not listen to black men when we talk about these issues among ourselves. And @BlackPhilo eloquently pointed out, they want us SHUT OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. If you want to know why BW need to be avoided like Bubonic Plague, it is this article. This is one big circle jerk.

        They think that men should be thankful to get with a over the hill, fat, sloppy, attitudinal, OOW BW. I disagree

        So, I rather deal with the issues of Latina women or White women, than fight with the beast that is BW.

        *Bell Rings*

        It seems like these classes are getting shorter & shorter.

        @Amaris79

        Any questions?

        • IamnotJasmineIamAladdin

          The reason this is soooo funny to me is it reeks of someone who speaks in absolutes.You speak of oow children…um whose having these children because bw are not asexual? Feminist ideology – there are women of other races who expect black men to worship them because she has dated black men who bend over backwards for her and make her feel superior.Some of these women have low self esteem and feed off a man bashing his race of women feel better,because she feels like she has narrowed the competition.

          Date who you want to date but if you are black, you are living black, you were born black,you will die black.Your children will be black and your children’s children will be black partially or otherwise. Perhaps your partially black daughter will be different unless she comes out looking black, then she will have a father who hates her from day 1.I am multi ethnic but my race is black and my former friends who assumed i was not black have made the worse comments about black men to me when talking about being pursued by them.It is beyond disgusting to hate a race of people whether you are that race or not.

        • Lyric

          if I may interject adonis I’m gonna say tht a good candidate for interracial dating is someone whose tastes just run a little more universal say tht u can see the beauty in say white or black like myself.now u (as I’ve noticed in your comments) have previously said tht black beauty is second to none (& there’s absolutely nothing wrong with thinking tht your own race is the most beautiful) but tht u would rather deal with other races becuz of a black woman’s attitude?ok so I’d like to say tht not only is it offensive to your own people but it’s actually not fair to the non-black woman tht u r dealing with becuz wht you’re saying is tht u would rather be with a black woman but u r with her becuz u think she is nicer or something to tht effect.ok & the lady thatdadiva who does seem like one of those crazy black people (pro black,all black everything,say it loud & say it proud,the revolution will not be televised) one thing she said is right tho which is your abhorrent hatred of black women becuz you’re black too ok.it’s really uncool of anybody to downgrade your own people;it shows tht u have no respect for your mum & sisters & no pride in yourself.I’m white I know it’s not fully my business but I just wanted t say if I was checking for u & saw these traits it’s just uncool

        • Lyric

          *edit* if I may also interject & another thing you’re just being really mean to women & nobody likes somebody like tht

        • FLL_hairbear

          All I gotta say is who hurt you?

          I lurk a lot, but in all your comments throughout all the articles I've read (across several blogs), you seem preachy, confrontational for no reason, and plain rude.

          It's okay to be opinionated, but damn…. Let's do a mental "Woo-sah".

          Then again play your role, someone's always gotta be the "bad guy" or the "victim" right… (Note: that was sarcasm, since this is over the web)

  • ThatDaDivA

    —–Black women do not listen to black men when we talk about these issues among ourselves. And @BlackPhilo eloquently pointed out, they want us SHUT OUT OF THE CONVERSATION. If you want to know why BW need to be avoided like Bubonic Plague, it is this article. This is one big circle jerk.
    They think that men should be thankful to get with a over the hill, fat, sloppy, attitudinal, OOW BW. I disagree
    So, I rather deal with the issues of Latina women or White women, than fight with the beast that is BW.
    *Bell Rings*
    It seems like these classes are getting shorter & shorter.—–

    WOW. Thanks SBM for giving jackholes like THIS a therapy platform to display their abject disgust and abhorrent HATRED of black woman!!! Great blog!!!

    Point. Made.

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  • MaggK

    Having preferences is not a problem. Now try to justify them and not sound stupid/dumb at the same time…
    You can't be mad at someone saying "i just prefer white women."… You have all the reason to be if it goes like "i prefer white women because black women have attitude and blablabla"…
    In the 1st situation if you get mad it's because you have insecurities! In the 2nd one if you get mad it's because you're realizing that you're talking with an idiot!

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