Something’s Missing: How to Cure Your Emptiness

how to cure emptiness

I was on Paul Carrick Brunson‘s site yesterday and came across a potent article titled “How I Cured My Emptiness.” For those unfamiliar with Paul, he’s a certified Life and Relationship Coach, as well as a Professional Matchmaker. I first found out about him via a comment he left on SBM circa late 2009, when he was just getting started with informational Youtube videos offering helpful tidbits on dating and relationships. He was unknown across the internet at the time — just as “average” as you and me. But since then, he’s been on just about every website and in every magazine that reaches the majority of people that read this site daily.

I wouldn’t define success by being internet popular. However, I would (jokingly) define it by meeting and/or working with Oprah, which is something Paul did. If that ain’t a sign that you “made it” and life is grand, then I don’t know what it is…or so I thought until I read the following article where he reflects on an interview about his 2012.

Note: I’d go as far to say you’re doing yourself a disservice by not reading what’s below. Hope you enjoy and would love to get your thoughts in the comments.

 

Reporter: You had such an incredible year, I would imagine the best of your life, right?

Me: Hmmm (I thought long and hard about the question).

Reporter: Wow, you have to think about it? Shouldn’t your answer be an automatic YES? You starred in 2 new shows on the Oprah Winfrey Network, released a bestselling book, became nominated for an NAACP Image Award, and also your industry’s Best Matchmaker and Relationship Coach of the year nomination!  Come on man, what more could you want?

Me: No, it actually WAS NOT the best year of my life. In fact, I wasn’t very happy this year.

Reporter: (Silence)

I learned an important lesson this year: Happiness is driven by feeding our values. It’s that simple. Don’t feed your values and I guarantee you’ll feel a substantial part of life is missing. Feed your values and you will possess a sense of fullness beyond measure.

What are values? These are our guiding principles of life. I like to call them our rule book of living. We all have values. No one has better or lesser values than anyone else. For example, my top 3 values (in priority) are: Spirituality, Family, and Creativity. What this means is that I live for these categories, they are essentially the fuel to my being. Without them I am empty.

As I reflected upon 2012, I realized despite my many blessings, I neglected feeding my top values. I spent less time practicing my faith and fellowshipping than any year in my life. I spent less time with my immediate family. I didn’t create or innovate like years before. Instead, I mostly participated in activities where I was a role player, not a role maker.

A feeling of emptiness had been weighing on me throughout the year but I felt ashamed to publicly talk about it. I mean, how foolish would it look if I tweeted a photo of myself eating dinner with Oprah and the next tweet said I’m not happy with my life right now…lol. But I’m putting an end to my front today. My strength for speaking up comes from knowing I’m not alone. Also, I’m driven by wanting to share how I was able to remove the mean mug from my face.

How did I do it? I fed my values.

Just a few weeks ago, after discovering the anorexic state of my values, I made a promise to myself that I was going to start making decisions as best as I could within the framework of my values. And when I did, it was just like I hit a reset button, and that old friend happiness came charging back! I started attending church and fellowshipping throughout the week! Adjusted my schedule to travel less and be at home the majority of the week. I started driving and picking my son up from school. Also now, on weekends there is a high likelihood friends and family will be in my living room, feet up, sipping on Red Stripe. On the creativity front, I’m currently developing a new web series as well as creating innovative projects that break the mold for my industry. Bottom line, focusing activities within my core values has helped me regain control of my state of mind.

If despite your many blessings, you still feel a sense of emptiness. I encourage you to reflect upon your life and ask yourself a simple question:

When was the last time my values were fed?

 

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  • cynicaloptmst81

    YES YES YES!!!!

    Sharing this with EVERYONE!!!!

  • NIAnaturally

    Great post!

  • yellowpinkies

    I love it. If this doesnt apply to you, you have got to be on the verge of death.

    • Slim Jackson

      On the verge of death though? lol

      • yellowpinkies

        LOL. Yes. Like my over-dramatization?

  • msb616

    Life is definitely about balance and self awareness, particularly when you've got a lot going on. I'm a Paul fan, too and it's been inspiring to watch him grow. I really appreciate him sharing this. Thanks for sharing, Slimillion! (i just came up with that lol)

  • InsomniaPoet

    Motivational but then begs the question….what if you don't know what your values are? What if you have reached a point in life where you can't remember what you true focus is other than working and just living? Not to get all extra on y'all but I am in that space. I have everything I've worked to get for a long time and I am still not happy. Things that used to bring me peace like church, family, friends – no longer do. So I am in a space of now what?

    • Bree

      Great post and thanks for posting it Slim.
      Big ups to Paul for speaking on this and sharing.
      Insomnia I agree with Mara. God is the source of Everything. All Life.
      He is our creator. Everything you need, he has. Yes you can get all you want from people and material and tangible things. But God is the source of Everything we need. If you want to know what to do now….Pray.

  • mara

    I'm so glad you posted this. It takes maturing to get to the point where you realize what the world says should make you happy 'fame, money, success" really wont. True joy and contentment comes from the Lord and fulfilling the purpose He's placed on your life.

  • MaggK

    Oh my god i love it!!!!

  • KitKatCuty84

    This is EXACTLY why when people say it's either LOVE or your LIFE GOALS, I call BS. My goal is to be able to do ALL that I want, including the personal values portion, because otherwise, you'll end up empty at the peak of your "success". Great read. :)

  • MsLoni

    I love this…I think everyone, myself included, and to varying degrees, do things to feel relevant. We put our business on twitter/i-gram/facebook so others will comment, name drop, mention our job titles, etc. At the end of the day I the things that make us most relevant and bring most fulfillment are the love of our families and true, close friends, tuning out opinions of those that don't matter, staying true to self and getting spiritual house in order.

  • SweetSass

    I love this man. I am reading his book. If he wasn't already married, I would probably drink his bath water… it's that deep…

  • http://twitter.com/SecretSweetLady @SecretSweetLady

    I lovelovelove this guy. If only more men were like that

  • Pingback: Its Hard For Someone to Accept Love When They Don’t Love Themselves « From Ashy to Classy

  • SouthernBelle

    2012 was one of the worse years of my life. Once I placed my spirituality on the backburner, all areas of my life suffered. I love this article. It is the truth. Regardless of the highs you experience in life even if dining with Kings and Queens, never neglect your values. When all hell breaks loose, God, family and a few friends are all you will have left.

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    Whenever you are feeling like missing something and very sad about it then this is a very good and positive point for you because you can improve your creativity power through it. Creativity comes from your own thinking power and you can also update yourself with all the new things that create a illusion in you in order to think better and do something very unique. SO in all these concerns you have to be very concern and need to think more to be busy and to create new thing.
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