By Muffie Bradshaw
Men and women both make dating mistakes. Here are four that come up for the fairer sex from Muffie’s perspective:
4. Ms. Anti-Commitment
You’re falling for him more quickly than you planned. The emotional connection that the two of you share goes far beyond the physical attraction. Although not anticipated, the two of you consider taking the non-exclusive dating relationship to a mutually exclusive level. He’s all in, but you’re not. You’re not exactly sure why you’re so hesitant to make the next big step. Everything was fine during the initial stages of dating, but now that the opportunity to take the relationship to the next level has been discussed, you suddenly wonder if he’s the right one. Not because he has done something so terrible that you can’t fathom the thought of being committed, but because you’re scared of committing to another person in fear that it won’t work out. Your past failed relationships run through your head and you think about how great they started out, just like the current one you’re contemplating. As a result, you refuse to commit and start the dating cycle with someone else hoping that he will be the “right choice”.
3. The Deadline Princess
In my perfect little world deadlines are only for weight loss, career aspirations and assignments…Not marriage. When you put a deadline on marriage, not only can you set yourself up for a huge disappointment, you put yourself at risk of getting a chronic condition called DG (Deadline Goggles). You’ve heard of “Beer goggles”, right? It’s when you’ve had a little too much to drink and that fine man at the club turned out to be a C-Lo look alike in Coogi and a Kangol. The same principle can be applied to “Deadline Goggles”. DG is a condition in which you’re so fixated on your marriage deadline of June 2013 that the guy you dated back in 2009 who kissed like a vacuum doesn’t look that bad anymore because you’re too fixated on getting married at a certain time. There is nothing wrong with wanting to get married, just slow down and bask in everything that is singleness and dating because it’s a great way to hone in on what you want and don’t want in a mate. Enjoy the ride (honestly, no pun intended) and don’t be overly focused on a deadline because you may end up getting stuck with Vacuum Mouth.
2. Tunnel Vision
You’ve never dated a guy who was as chivalrous as the one you’re dating now. He opens doors and is a great conversationalist. You’re so intrigued because you have never experienced a man who is so pleasant to be around. You lose yourself in every conversation and the minutes easily turn into hours. So how did you overlook his blatant shallowness and lack of ambition? Easily. You were so enthralled by his few amazing qualities, your judgment was skewed. You wonder how you ended up in that predicament…
Some time ago, I was dating someone who I clicked with immediately. Conversations were never ending, his sense of humor had me busting out of my Spanx and he loved to do nice “thinking-of- you “ gestures. It was amazing! Amazing until I realized I was dating someone with no ambition, no common sense, and certainly no ability to–nevermind. How could I have missed those red flags when we began dating? I couldn’t understand why I didn’t see him for who he really was, until I got to thinking: I was so overly focused on the good qualities that I overlooked (or chose to ignore) the negatives ones. I thought that somehow his good qualities would magically cancel out the ones that weren’t so good. Although logically this theory makes no sense, it was logical to me at the time because I wanted him to fit into the mold that I created in my head. Unfortunately in the world of dating, it doesn’t work out that way. Good qualities never “cancel out” bad ones, you just have to make yourself aware of them before time, feelings and emotions are too deeply invested.
1. The Fixer-Upper
He exaggerated too much, he didn’t know how to dress for the occasion, hated animals and had no ambition. I did it anyway. I dated him. Although I knew the possibilities of him changing were slim to none, I was silly enough to continue the relationship. This meant that I committed and, by default, chose to accept all of him, not just the qualities I liked. So why is it that I got into this relationship trying to fix him when I knew his qualities from the beginning? I failed to acknowledge that people change only because they want to, not because I want them to. There was no need in trying to “fix” something that wasn’t for me to fix. He was who he was; and I needed something so much more than what he provided.
What dating mistakes have you been known for? Hello, my name is Muffie and I’m a Fixer-Upper.