Home Featured How One Man Became Jaded: Part 5

How One Man Became Jaded: Part 5



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The next three months were a blur of fights and arguments. I became numb to a lot of the bullsh*t. I looked back at a lot of things I put up with and got progressively angrier. In hindsight, I should have just left her alone but I didn’t know any better. I wanted to hurt her as much as she hurt me. So much so that I cheated on her a couple times and thought nothing of it.

One weekend, I was at a party and Adriana was there. She had moved to Iowa at the end of the previous summer.  She was looking really good and we ended up chatting for a bit. I told her I wanted to talk to her and set things straight on exactly how I left things hanging between us. She told me that she would find me later on during the party. I went on to partying with my boys and I danced with a couple of women, had a couple of drinks and danced with more women. One of my boys tapped me on the shoulder and told me, “Stacey is over on the other side of the club giving you the death stare.” At that point, I was pretty intoxicated so I didn’t care if she felt any type of way about it.

I eventually found Adriana and started talking, but it was really loud so we walked toward the back of the club where the bathrooms were. After we got a place where we could hear each other, I explained that when I asked her out, I still wasn’t over my ex and it wasn’t fair for me to put that on her. As we were talking, Stacey walked up to us and just stood there.

“So what are you guys talking about?”

“We’re just talking.”

“Do you want me to leave?”

“That would be great.”

It was harsh. But at that point, I was drunk and my feelings for Stacey had diminished to a point where I didn’t care about her feelings. Adriana and I continued talking for about ten minutes before Stacey came back and defiantly stood there. Adriana looked perplexed before she just said, “I guess I’ll talk to you later Tunde” and walked away.

“So you just gonna talk to her like that while everyone thinks we’re still together? Do you know how embarrassing that is to me?”

“Hmmm, that sounds real familiar.”

“Don’t go there!”

“Why not?”

“And you embarrassed me dancing with that girl like that. How would you like it if I went and got drunk and grinded my ass all over some random nigga’s d*ck?”

“So what you drinking?”

She slapped the sh*t out of me.

We were standing in front of the bathroom so a lot of people saw what went down. Anyone who knows me knows that I have ZERO tolerance for physical altercations in relationships. Growing up in a home that was marred by domestic violence (going both ways) will make you feel that way. I made this known to her early in the relationship, so she knew exactly how I felt about her putting her hands on me. She had a pretty good idea that I wouldn’t retaliate but I had been drinking, so she couldn’t be too sure. This was the point at which I was completely done with her.

“F*ck you and everyone who looks like you. We’re done. When you see me at school or in the streets, I don’t know you and you don’t know me.”

I usually don’t use that type of language when speaking to a woman but I was so shocked that she would put her hands on me. That night she showed up at my house to try to apologize. Whatever juju she had over me before that night was broken. I got my keys back and I moved on with my life.

Last installment next week!

Tunde I don't know how to put this but I'm kind of a big deal. People know me. I'm very important. I have many leather-bound books and my apartment smells of rich mahogany.
  • cynicaloptmst81

    "That night she showed up at my house to try to apologize. Whatever juju she had over me before that night was broken. I got my keys back and I moved on with my life."

    *standing ovation*

    Good riddance, Stacey!!!! Had the nerve to be mad at somebody, lol.

    That Stacey was something else!!!!

  • you make a strong point about women putting hands on men, like u i grew up around domestic violence, i dont play that sh** at all, i will never raise my hand to a woman so in part i expect the same courtesy

    and poor adrianna, stacey jus wont let her be great
    My recent post Today’s Word is… DEBATE

  • SimplySaki

    This chick was definitely a piece of work. On top of her already outrageous behavior and blatant disrespect – then she ups the ante by adding physical violence? This was unacceptable. I'm glad that the lights came on in that moment and spurred you to action. At no point should physical violence be tolerated from either party in a relationship. Period. Me being me – even the hint / threat of physical violence at some point down the road is enough for me to immediately end the relationship.

  • GirlSixx

    Hmmm, me thinks Stacey still had a chance up until she put dem paws on you. Everybody saw her slap the taste out your mouth so that public humiliation alone would be enough for you to completely dead her but something tells me deep down you just wanted to get your revenge so that she may feel how you felt and you had accomplished that mission and you would've forgiven her and continued seeing her if it wasn't for that physical altercation.

  • InsomniaPoet

    Something tells me Stacey still made a reappearance…hence part 6 coming next week. And I agree with Tristan…poor poor Adrianna. Hopefully Stacey's outburst sent up a red flag for Adrianna to keep her distance from the drama love triangle you were the center of.

  • Melissa

    I don't like Stacey. I wonder why you liked her, she must be extremely attractive or she went to a witch doctor to cast a spell on you. Or you were at a very undeveloped and inexperienced stage in your life……sigh! I feel sad you had to experience Stacey. Ah well! We live and we learn. I feel both ways about that slap though. Like it was a good and bad thing. Good, cause it was the absolute final straw to push you away from her. Had she not slapped you there would probably be about four more chapters to this "How men become jaded" series.

    • "I wonder why you liked her, she must be extremely attractive or she went to a witch doctor to cast a spell on you. Or you were at a very undeveloped and inexperienced stage in your life……sigh! "

      lolol maybe it was a mixture of all 3?
      My recent post The War on Christianity

      • Melissa


      • Melissa

        P.S. I've never heard of domestic violence in a Nigerian family (I'm Nigerian myself). Sorry to hear that! xx

  • Kim

    I’m sorry you had to grow up witnessing domestic violence and that she had to physically harm you before you came to your senses [empathetic face]…She literally had to slap some sense into you lol.

  • VzzyScorpio


    Brotha. Your mastery of conveying what I have dealt with the last two years is unbelievable down to witnessing the dv in my younger days. I don't know how this will resolve between us. Like 3000 stated "you come up with excuses like Confucius when you know it's" But reading your story man pressing that something has got to give. Looking forward to 6

  • curlyk

    I know this was a serious part but I laughed out loud at “F*ck you and everyone who looks like you.” lol. Harsh but hilarious. Who thinks of that in the moment? lol. But yeah. Stacey makes it hard for women to find a good guy because they’ve been screwed over by someone they once loved and then yall go into player/ jaded mode and dont care about women’s feelings for a season or two. I’m anxious to read part 6 to see where you’re at now and where Stacey now stands in your life if at all.

    • Joe

      That was definitely funny, "F*ck you and everyone who looks like you." I wonder, who does that refer to? Her sisters, her family, pretty black women? Clearly you must have been drinking if that's the best insult you could have come up with. Makes for entertaining read though. Sorry this was you real life at some point.

  • MaggK

    Let's not blame Stacy, he didn't turn into player/jaded mode because of her… She was playing games for day 1, and still he waited until she slapped him to get over her… I mean… It's her, but it's SO him too!!!
    The only person i'm sad for is Adriana… Damn poor girl…

  • cbrantley15

    The slap would have done it for me too… Once it gets physical, it's time to move on… As my father always told me, "if you have to beat her, you don't need her…" It goes both ways… Tunde your jadedness is different from mine, but I seriously understand how you feel ace…

  • Okay, so I'm with MaggK on that one. But, eh, you live and you learn. Que sera sera of sorts.

  • Your story makes me mad at women like Stacy! But it is so relevant because most if not all of us had a "Stacy".