Why Does It Take So Much Work For Men Not To Cheat?

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cheating-man

Is it really work not to cheat?

My coworker has a friend whose husband told his wife he will not go to dinner or for drinks when he’s on business trips if the crowd is mostly women because it’s too much temptation.

Another guy friend has a similar rule. In the work plac,e he won’t ever go to lunch with women and they basically have the mindset that every day is a battle or there’s always an opportunity to cheat so they won’t put themselves in those situations, even ones that seem harmless for most people.

Like the relationship statuses of so many people on Facebook, the answer to this question is, “it’s complicated.” Since this is the Internet, I must open with an obligatory statement of fact: “cheating is wrong,” and yet people cheat every day. Even conservative estimates suggest at least 20 percent of men and 15 percent of women will cheat during the course of their marriage. While this still means that between 80 to 85 percent of married people are faithful, why is it so difficult for men like the ones described above not to cheat?

Well, when it comes to cheating, there are three types of men…

1. The Faithful Man – As the name suggest, the Faithful Man resists all temptations to cheat. This type of man has rarely, if ever, cheated on any girl. Remaining faithful is a natural part of his character. He may be morally sound, stubborn, or simply a man of his word; but whatever his justification, this man finds it easier to remain faithful than to cheat. This is not to suggest he is is perfect. In fact, he might entertain the idea of stepping outside of his relationship like most normal people; however, he never lets these mental lapses or weaknesses of character manifest themselves in reality. For him, honoring the commitment of his relationship is what’s most important.

2. The Selective Cheater – The Selective Cheater is faithful, for the most part. His past is usually checkered with opportunities to cheat – some of which he chose to entertain, others he passed up. There is usually no rhyme or reason for why the Selective Cheater strays, but it’s usually coupled with the fact that he can get away with it and other women likely provide something the current woman in his life doesn’t – whether it’s love, sex, companionship or some other arbitrary void his current love interest isn’t completely satisfying. The Selective Cheater is generally passive in his cheating habit, usually preferring to choose whether to cheat as the various opportunities naturally arise rather than aggressively pursuing other women outside of his relationship. Because cheating doesn’t define him or his happiness, there are usually long stretches where he’s completely faithful.

Read more over at Madame Noire.

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  • Stanley

    The cheating apologists are trying hard these days.
    I think about a week ago, there was a very popular article on another black site written by one of our usual writers here that was doing the same thing.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      Rather than outright question your reading comprehension, I’ll humbly request that you expand in your statement. There is nothing “cheating apologist” within the context of this post. Please clarify at your convenience, sir.

      • Larry

        "Since this is the Internet, I must open with an obligatory statement of fact: “cheating is wrong,” "

        *scratches head* You have a weird way of apologizing there WIM, lol.

      • http://twitter.com/Neuronerd17 @Neuronerd17

        I think they committed the old forum sin of reading a title and immediately rolling the dice in posting a response on what they think it will be based on

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    Temptation is always there, we aren't with our partners 24/7 nothing u can do. I think cheating comes down to risk management, will i get caught?, will i regret doing/not doing it?, and consequences. Most cheaters simply dont value their relationships, having someone with one on the side is basically house money to them.
    My recent post Today’s Word is… DEBATE

  • Dr. J

    Good post also known as, How He Stay Faithful in a Room Full of Hoes.

  • Elizabeth

    Interesting. I was naive about cheaters and their motivations until my last dating experience. I dated a guy for a year and a half who was actually married unbeknownst to me. I still don't get the point of being married or in a committed relationship if your actively pursuing other 'relationships,' or even have the desire to, but in the end how many people actually turn down their chance at having their cake and eating it too. Sigh

  • Thoth

    There isn't some deep philosophical reason why people cheat. Usually, one person stops doing what attracted their mate in the first place and the other looks for that/those qualities somewhere else. It isn't hard not to cheat, but you always have to work on your relationship. The minute someone gets comfortable, eyes will start to wander. It's like the bait and switch. You fall in love with one thing yet get something completely different down the line. Many relationships end up like this. If you keep your partner stimulated, both mentally and physically, they'll stay around. As a man, the biggest issue I see is women will do things to attract you and keep you interested. Then at some point, they just stop. As if they hit a wall and say, "I got you, I'm done trying now." I get bored because the person I fell for now is some slob that does not put forth the smallest effort anymore. I'm sure women will say the same about men. But that's the thing, it's life.

    Truth is everything that happens in relationships isn't psychological and needs deep analysis. Things just happen. Learn from mistakes, build and move on.

  • Peter Parker

    Yeah I personally think men cheat for various reasons. It usually takes an habitual cheater something drastic ( std, child support, or etc.) for them to understand and realize that it isn't worth it. I think wants you reach a certain maturity level, the tempations of cheating goes down. Also, if you have strong will power, you can avoid cheating…

  • http://twitter.com/Neuronerd17 @Neuronerd17

    Nothingg to really add to this post you pretty much covered it. There are men who won't cheat and there are those who will. It can be difficult to avoid situations like this, but sometimes people show obvious signs early in a relationship that we often ignore because our brains are all out of whack (quite literally). I know for cases like my own father that stuff was passed down. His dad cheated heavily, he cheated heavily, and I want to say his father's father did it as well. Sins of the father and all that. One of the reasons my mother left him when I was a baby was because she was determined to break the cycle and other reasons of course. It worked Haha. It's funny if you read that last sentence in the voice I just did it in.

  • Uncle Ray

    Show me a beautiful woman. I will show you a man tired f**king her. Why do men work so hard not to cheap? Why do women work so hard to give men opportunities. The selective cheater (I can relate) is an opportunistic cheater, they only see women who put it in there face, they are not aggrsessively looking. The selctive cheater is a victim of agrresive women (lol).

  • MaggK

    I decided to believe that all men cheat but they are innocent until proven guilty… And that doesn't mean i spend my time being a detective, it's just that everytime a man gets caught cheating i'm not shocked, my mind was already prepared… And really It's seriously hard for men not to cheat… I really ask myself how yall do?! Sometimes walking on the streets of NYC during summer, im like "DAMN, all these pretty women, thank god im not a man"… I mean if me a straight woman can have this kind of thought i can only imagine what is running through yall mind…

    And for women, i don't think we work the same as men. There are just 2 types: the faithful and the cheater. The faithful is the one who loves you, the cheater is the one who stopped loving you but doesn't want to admit it… Contrary to men i don't think women can love and cheat at the same time.

  • Laney

    I really wish the 'compulsive cheater' would realize he probably isn't Type 1 at all and he needs to consider open relationships. Plenty of women all for it. Nobody gets hurt. Everybody wins.

  • Young Heaux

    A lot of men are dogs. Not all, maybe not even most. But a lot. Plain and simple truth. And if you are a man and tell me I'm wrong for that statement, you're lying and trying to protect your "bros."
    My recent post "Django Unchained": Thoughts (spoilers)

    • X's Dad

      Young Heaux, the same can be said about women. I don't know about yall, but I know PLENTY of women that cheat. With all the men cheating all the time, who do you think they cheat with……..married WOMEN, committed WOMEN, WOMEN! All I'm saying is people need to stop acting like men are the only ones that do it. Women are waaay better liars than men thus waaay better cheaters. Just sayin'……….

      • paulb31

        To be fair, men are better accomplices which only aids women in being better cheaters.

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  • Bill

    i seriously think that many women cheat much more than men do since this happened to me already, and i was married for almost 15 years. i was a very caring and loving husband that was very much committed to her as well, before this happened to me. and many women that do cheat nowadays, are very good at hiding it.