5 Reasons You Should Be Dating an Older Woman

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cougar meme

Older women who date younger men, affectionately known as “cougars” in most social circles, are awesome. There are a number of reasons not limited to the fact that many studies have shown they actually have higher sex drives than their younger counterparts. You don’t believe me? Here’s a quote from a TIME article on the subject:

Women ages 27 through 45 report not only having more sexual fantasies (and more intense sexual fantasies) than women ages 18 through 26 but also having more sex, period. And they are more willing than younger women to have casual sex, even one-night stands. In other words, despite the girls-gone-wild image of promiscuous college women, it is women in their middle years who are America’s most sexually industrious. – Source: TIME

The more you know! Having been fortunate enough to experience grappling with a cougar in my youth, I was asked to provide my take on the subject for BadOnlineDates.com’s Male Point of View. An excerpt:

The definition for describing a ‘cougar’ is quite fluid. For example, a popular Urban Dictionary definition labels her as, “An ‘older,’ experienced woman who happens to find herself in a sexual relationship (committed or not) with a younger man. She is not necessarily a slut, nor is she desperate. She offers sexual expertise and is open to new experiences.She simply wants to have fun.” An ABC News story exploring the emerging phenomenon in the early 2000s is a bit more specific, “women usually in their 30s and 40s, who are financially stable and mentally independent and looking for a younger man to have fun with.” Last but not least, Dictionary.com:

Cougar [koo-ger] noun, Informal. An older woman who seeks sexual relationships with much younger men: He’s in his twenties, but he prefers cougars in their forties and fifties to young women his own age.

Combining these definitions for today’s purposes, I’ll liberally define a cougar as: an older woman, at least 30 years or older, who purposely dates younger men, at least 6 years or more her junior, who is usually more financially stable and mentally independent than the younger men she dates. I grappled in fierce hand-to-hand combat with a few wild cougars in my younger years. I’ve earned my scars. My oldest encounter involved a woman 15 years my senior – I’ll respectfully refuse to provide her age.

For many men, dating older women is a strange transition period. Honestly, for most men, it’s strange when women your own age hit on you. You see, women dominate decades of a man’s life by mostly informing him he’s not what they’re looking for. When you’re in High School, girls want college-men, when you’re in college, women want working-men. It isn’t until around the quarter-century mark before most women, older or younger, will pay the average man any significant amount of attention.

That is why I’d like to use my in-depth knowledge with cougar encounters of the close kind to share five tips on how to survive a cougar attack for the next generation of would be prey.

1. She’s older not handicap.
 Young gents, just because she’s older doesn’t mean she has a disability. Pretending as if you’re doing her a favor by entertaining her company will do nothing more than lead to ignored text messages and phone calls. By the way, if she’s over 25, make sure she’s ok with text messages over phone calls and don’t assume. This woman might require a bit more effort than the dyed-blonde-haired-red-cup-holding women you’re typically used to engaging. In other words, you’re likely not going to text your way to the promise land with a cougar, bro.

2. Don’t worry about money. Most cougars recognize your status in life. You’re younger and you won’t be as financially established as her or men her age. She knows this; she probably doesn’t care. Don’t let what’s lacking in your wallet intimidate you from showing off what you are capable of providing, which, at minimum, should be showing her a very good time…read more.

WIM SigFellas, have you had any cougar experiences you’d like to share – positive or negative? Any tips for the younger generation you’d like to pay forward? Ladies, as you’ve gotten older has your willingness to entertain the advances of younger men grown? What are the pros/cons of dealing with a younger man? Have any tips for the young men in the audience in improving their approach or odds of success?

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From Our Partners

  • Stanley

    An older lady made me feel like a PRIZE and I dare any you woman to make me feel less.

  • Yvette

    A woman in her 30′s is NOT a cougar… ridiculous.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      i say at least 15 year age gap
      My recent post Today’s Word is… RECAP

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      I think the age GAP is more important than the years on Earth. If you’re 30 dating a 20 year old, most would say – in laymens term – you are a “cougar.”

    • Adonis

      Yes she is

  • morganthewriter

    I've had crushes on some older women in previous years, and I think that, as a mature 21-year-old, they're much better than the girls my age who are into a lifestyle of partying, gossip, and reality TV.

    The problem is that most of these older women will not be as fertile, so they won't have children as easily, or they may not want children, or they may already have children from previous relationships—all of which, in my opinion, are detriments.

    So, I don't think I could be with an older woman. Nothing against them, I think they're great, they just usually lack what I'm looking for. I just have to hold out for a mature woman my age, or wait until I'm older and search for a mature younger woman.
    My recent post Black People and Reality TV

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      agreed, long term i just dont see myself with an older woman
      My recent post Today’s Word is… RECAP

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      agreed, long term i just dont see myself with an older woman
      My recent post Today’s Word is… RECAP

  • SMilez_920

    (In regards to the first source) I though a cougar was 35 plus… I mean I guess if you’re dating an 18-20 year old and your 27 -30 he would consider you a cougar. When I look at the description you gave for a cougar’s personality (just want to have fun) I just don’t see the majority of women 25-30 failing in that category. I mean most of the letters or relationship articles you read, or stories you hear are about women in that age bracket, ready to settle down, get serious, done with the casual flings (A lot not all). To me 35 plus there’s a good chance this women has already been married or in a very serious relationship in her earlier years, she probably catching up on some of the dating she missed out on so, JUST having fun is ideal.

    One of my friends (He’s 30) told me about one experience he had with a cougar. He was 24 she was 35. He also said he learned a lot of things about women and life through that experience. She helped him step up his game.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    My first older relationship, she was 36 to my 19, only problem she was looking for a husband i couldnt legally drink at our wedding, she didnt last long. She was an exception because since her, in my experience\ older women have been fun, but nothing else. Like dating a ugrad without the ramen budget and lifestyle condoms. I have yet to have a serious relationship with an older woman, shes been scorned like a muhfuggathere done that and doesnt take me seriously. I havent met a teach me bout a good scotch, expand my culture, fab/neyo make me better cougar yet, she always acts younger instead of the inverse
    My recent post Today’s Word is… RECAP

  • cynicaloptmst81

    I def agree with Tristan's comment above that a cougar rela should have about a 10-15 year age gap in it. Having said that, I'm no cougar. But, since NO ONE believes I'm 31 (seriously…like gasps and "really"…and "no, you're not…"), I'm CONSTANTLY approached by men in their early/mid 20's…who think they're approaching someone their age. This young face is a blessing and a curse!

    What I dislike about my dealings with them is that since I prefer the "man as the head, woman as the neck" balance, its hard to let a man who has less life experience than me be the head. Its not so much age as it is the life lessons that are missing…along with my lack of patience. Another thing I dislike is this effort to prove themselves that comes off as forced and ends up being a major fail. Then, off course, they are scatterbrained…here, there and everywhere…trying to do everything…hanging all the time with 50 people, lol. Exhausting. Wanting to go out when I just want to go to bed!!!!! I can't do it, lol.

    May 2013 bring me many awesome 30 plus options!!!!!!!!

  • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.com Maris

    Under 40 is not considered a cougar. There is a name for them, but I forgot it. But whatever. The name for men that do the same is “the man”. But all insulting terms aside (“cougar has such a predatory connotation!) I hive props to women who can do it. To me, men 18-26 still stink of puberty (no really, like ACTUALLY smell) and I have enough issues with immature 30 yr olds that I don’t have any interest in raising nobody’s kids.

    Oh, and I don’t care if you consider yourself”mature”. So was I in my 20′s, didn’t stop me from making face-palmingly stupid decisions and talking like I actually knew something.

    • DB

      "There is a name for them, but I forgot it."

      Puma.

  • Jordan

    A wise man I knew (R.I.P) philosophized on this sentiment quite well when he stood up to say:

    "Women you get hornier as you get older, it's weird, you want to do all of your sexing between the ages of 30 and 50, that's when you want it…but here's how sad things are, the value of vagina is only good from 18 to 29. P***y get old like bread, not like wine…I don't want the waiter to bring me a vintage glass of t**t, and be like 'would you like a 52' le stinky vaginy from thee Funk Funk region?'. You be like ewww, you don't have a better year than that? You don't got an 89' down there? Get me an 89'.

    -Patrice O' Neal, Elephant In The Room

    • amaris79

      "the value of vagina is only good from 18 to 29"
      Karrine Steffans.
      Kim Kardashian.
      Sharon Stone.
      Kylie Minogue.
      Nicole Sherzinger.
      Eve.
      Didn't really start winning until their 30's in the "I need to {insert term} this one RIGHT HERE and I'll pay top dollar" game. Until then they were just random er..you get it. But the joke was funny when I heard it (rip).

      • Jordan

        While it may be true that these women are "winning" in some nebulous, and non-metric based sense these women are also exceptions who had to (let's face it) go through men to achieve "success" (the first two validate this notion completely)

        "the value of vagina is only good from 18 to 29" according to Patrice and most men 35-plus (who have some kind of means) because they DO NOT (generally) want bedroom romps with women their own age…they want women ages 18 to 29.

        • Adonis

          Thank you Jordan

  • Jordan

    While it may be true that these women are "winning" in some nebulous, and non-metric based sense these women are also exceptions who had to (let's face it) go through men to achieve "success" (the first two validate this notion completely)

    "the value of vagina is only good from 18 to 29" according to Patrice and most men 35-plus (who have some kind of means) because they DO NOT (generally) want bedroom romps with women their own age…they want women ages 18 to 29.

  • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

    As a former purveyor of the cougar landscape…if a youngsta isn’t ready, don’t even try it. Your game, and confidence must be on point. The most memorable one…lawdymercy I seriously considered babying up, because she had no kids. The lady had my 24 year old nose open wider than FedEx Field. Anyways, they will work a mojo on ya if you’re not ready.

  • Adonis

    Love older women (with cash)

  • Blackman3571

    I find it amuzing that all I ever seem to be attracted to is older woman. There is something sexy about them. I just cant explain it. I have seen both sides of the coin I have been married to an older woman. I was 22 and she 35 When we got married… It is difficult because at times she treated me more like my mother than my wife… It became down right creepy.. Not all older woman have great sex drives cause she didnt. We just recently divorced after a while her mindset through me off. She started acting silly like women my age. I believe that if a older woman is going to date a younger man than she needs to be confident in herself. Otherwise dont get involved or make it clear that it is only about the "fun" aspect and not a real relationship.

    I am now 28 and she is 41 and she is acting like she is 18 and I am the one that is acting as the older person.

    But on the flip side of that I am seeing that is who is 11 years my senior who is sexy, cool and down to earth… She is banging in every since of the word. I will say that she is the ying to my Yang and we work well together. I guess it just depends… But the love making is oooooooooooooo weee out of this world.

  • stellafin12

    There are a number of reasons not limited to the fact that many studies have shown they actually have higher sex drives than their younger counterparts. You don’t believe me? Here’s a quote from a TIME article on the subject

     Rectal Yeast Infection