Why Being Selfish About Your New Year’s Resolutions Works

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The beginning of the New Year always bring out a few things in people: things they want to leave behind in the past year, things they want to change in the New Year and things they want to start in the New Year. They are also known as, New Year’s Resolutions. Personally, I think the concept of a New Year’s Resolution is absolutely asinine. I think the only way a New Year’s Resolution should count is if you make that resolution at midnight on NYE and that resolution has to have been inspired at that very moment. Given those circumstances, you didn’t have any time to incorporate the resolution in the previous year… you know like once you realize a change needed to be made in your life.

If there’s anything I hate more than the concept of New Year’s Resolutions, it’s when people judge people for their goals and dreams. Or those people who try and make a statement with their goals and dreams, as if there is some social responsibility factor to a personal resolution. When you make a personal goal, you should focus on one person and one person only, yourself. It shouldn’t be about making goals or resolutions that people will approve of and think you’re a better person, it’s about self-examination and improvement. For example, “I want to go to Barcelona to teach English to children.” – Yeah… but keep it real, you want to go to Barcelona because it’s a hot opportunity, the teaching part is just how you’ll fund it. That’s all I’m saying.

All that to say, I think it’s time that we are selfish with our New Year’s Resolutions for a change and that we shed guilt about being selfish.

If you’re considered a pipsqueak by your friends, but you think that you can take yourself from being an 8 to being a 10, then by all means, go for it. Don’t feel bad about wanting to get healthy because your friends tell you that their weight is a bigger issue than you. When you run into a situation when people tell you that your problem isn’t that big of a problem, it’s a chance to build bridges, not burn them.

“Drinking every night because we drink to our accomplishments.” If you’ve been told that in the New Year you need to stop partying so much, but you don’t think you have a problem, don’t worry about the haters. There are only a few things in life that are guaranteed; taxes and haters. I’ve had people tell me that I’m too social and I don’t like to stay at home; I really don’t give two hoots about that feedback. I’m a social person and I like to enjoy life because tomorrow isn’t promised.

Most people returned to work today. They looked at their bank account and probably regretted some of the Christmas presents they bought. They resolved themselves to this conclusion, “I need to make this bread in 2013.” The haters in your life are going to tell you that, “Money isn’t everything,” that’s when you have to tell them, “Money isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.” Seriously, when did it become a bad thing to want to pursue health, wealth and virtue? It’s not, and it’s your goal not theirs.

Some of you have declared 2013 as, “The Year of Me,” and you know what people hated on you. They told you that it seems that every year someone wants to declare the year, their year. In my opinion, that’s a good goal and people are wrong for making you feel like you’re being selfish or full of yourself. Let’s think about this logically, they always say take time for yourself but the second you start to actually do that, you’re selfish. How does that make any logical sense?

If you want to find love in 2013 and you’ve told yourself that you’re unwilling to sacrifice your values, then by all means, do not sacrifice your values. Do not sacrifice your values, desires or wants. This isn’t about some larger conversation about what we find to be beautiful or unrealistic expectations in the opposite sex. This isn’t about making a statement that you aren’t controlled by the social norms of beauty and who you should be with and who you shouldn’t be with. It’s about you. When you start to think about who you want to fall in love with it’s important that you consider your happiness as paramount. (Hi, Rihanna.)

Towards the end of 2012, I began to think about where my life had become, what I wanted out of life and that at times we’re all attacked for wanting to be a little selfish in our own lives. I found it ridiculous that every time we want something, we have to deal with the fact that others think that we’re shallow or selfish for our wants and desires. I told myself that in 2013 the only thing that I am going to worry about is my own personal happiness. I’m not going to spend time defending everything that I want in a woman or in life. If I want to go out and party, then that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not going to worry about someone telling me that I’m too old to be out in the streets. If the streets make you or I happy at the end of the day then that’s what we should do.

I only have one life to live and that’s my own. I decided that instead of a long list of resolutions that may make me appear to be a better person or a noble man, I’m just going to live life. I know who I am. I know I’m not an a**hole or a jerk. The people around me know that I’m not that way either, so why do I need a list of resolutions and goals to say that? I don’t and I won’t be a part of it. End of story and discussion.

I’ll holler.

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  • oh ok…

    LOL@vison board…man, you can do better than that! :-/

  • Larry

    *Looks at Vision board* uh….yeah, man…whatever you said in that post, um…good job and stuff *continues to stare at Vision board*

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

    The dark skin woman represented in your ‘Vision Board’ isn’t dark-skinned enough.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      I don’t do ‘New Years Resolutions.’ It’s not because I have some holier than thou complex or generally feel any type away about resolutions. It’s mostly because if I have a goal in mind I don’t like waiting until the new year (or any defined point) to get started. If I want to accomplish something randomly on a Tuesday, ill get started on Wednesday (ok, Monday if we’re keeping it 100), but I’m not going to wait until New Years to make a positive change in my life that can begin to effect me immediately.

      Also, over the years I’ve changed two things about my goals: 1) goals should be measureable or they are generally pointless. “I want to get rich” is a dream, not a goal. “I want to get rich within 20 years, which means ill invest in X, Y, Z and expect a return of X% each year is a goal. if you cant measure the success/failure or progress of your goal, im not sure you have a goal. 2) I only share my goals with a very small circle of people that I know, trust and whom I believe or have proven they will support and/or assist me in achieving said goal 3) With the wider public at large, I don’t share goals, I share accomplishments.

      - Sent from iPhone (with all the struggles and tribulations of autocorrect)

      • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

        So you saying that for a dream to become a goal, it has to be 1) thought through thoroughly 2) steps need to be ordered 3) actions must be taken to achieve it? Oh *looks at society*

      • Bree

        Cosign WIM….goas and dreams are costly and you should have a budget for them.

  • Bree

    what if someone's goal is to try crack or try to get some medicinal weed illegally so they can smoke more. Or a womans goal is to leave her husband and find a way to get him for as much of his paper as she can and leave him broke, busted, and disgusted with nothing all because she wants to live it up and be single.
    Her goal is to have her mama take care of her kids while she collects as much child and spousal support as she can and clubs and spends it on her new men. She spends maybe 50 bucks of the hundreds or thousands of dollars a month she may get on the kids.
    Or someone's goal is to quit school at 15 to try to pursue a rap career but they live in Boise idaho and are on welfare and can't rap to save their life.
    My point is everything we selfishly do for ourselves is not necessarily good for us. People make stupid decisions all the time because they feel like "they're grown and they can do what they want and they know whats best for themselves."
    whatever you want to do when you want to do it just because you want to do it is childish and can get you in a lotta trouble. ijs.

    • Kema

      “try to get some medicinal weed illegally so they can smoke more.”

      Yo Bree… You wanna share this info? *sparks up* wouldn’t mind trying a little medicinal.

      • Bree

        lmao @ kema….lol. My aunt had some but she passed last year. RIP.

  • Bree

    Sometimes we don't know whats best for ourselves. And sometimes people give us advice, feedback, and input out of love and because they care for us and from the outside looking in they can see that we're walking time-bombs headed for hell in a handbasket.
    Sometimes you save yourself grief, drama, headache among other things by listening to the people who love and care for you and don't want to see you hurt by making foolish mistakes.
    Not saying you should always just blindly & naively listen to other people, but at the same time doing

    • Peter Parker

      I agree, but the only advice I really listen to are from people I know who generally will and always have my best interest at heart. At the same time, people are adults and if you chose to do something then by all means do it. Only you have to live with the results.

      • Bree

        no not only you…so do your children, mate, spouse and loved ones.

  • The Guy

    Good piece, if you already got a plan there's no reason for a resolution at new years. Just stick to the script and keep improving yourself.

  • Peter Parker

    Good post J. Yeah when establishing goals for yourself, the hear sayers should have no implications on what you want to accomplish. Do you, don't change anything, and keep the eyes on the prize! If you are not with me, then I will HOLLA!

  • MaggK

    “Money isn’t everything, it’s the only thing.”
    !!!!!!!

  • Streetz

    Good ish.

    I make goals based on where I am, and where I want to be, work towards it for the year. Evaluate monthly, and improve for the coming year. Thats how successful businesses operate so why not my life too?

    The arbitratry goals get you nowhere. The direct and specific goals will!