Do Men Fake Orgasms?

men-faking-orgasms-allow-me-to-drop-a-bombshell

I was laying in bed one time with my girl, well she wasn’t my girl, she was a girl and I asked her, “How was it?” She looked back at me and said, “It was good, I came.” Being a shorty at the time, I asked a stupid question. I asked her, “Hey, do you ever fake orgasms?” She paused for a second and then she sighed and said, “I mean… yeah sometimes.” I got out of that bed so fast, jumped up, spun around and asked her, no I told her, “Look, don’t ever do that with me! If you don’t get there, then let me know.” I thought that was the end of that until one day I found myself in the same position. I don’t like to brag about this, but one night I found myself too engulfed in the grapes of the gods and trying to sign a deed. I tried everything in the Kama Sutra that night and I got nothing but John Henry. I thought to myself, “You’re going to kill this poor girl.” That’s when I decided to just end it, but you and I both know that you can’t mess with a girl’s self-esteem like that. I clinched up, pushed in as far as I could and I let off a shiver. After I did that, I rolled over and laid on my back staring at the ceiling; I wondered if she bought or not. She did. That’s when I knew, sometimes you just got to fake the funk and come back in the AM.

Anyway, LOL… Here’s a recent article from GQ that examines the question, Do Men Fake Orgasms? Trust me it happens more than you think.

Hi, I’ m a man, and I’ve faked orgasms. I’ve put my scrunched-up, communing-with-the-universe, pleasure-stoked little O-face on when in fact I was feeling nothing. I have closed my eyes and groaned like a wildebeest. I’ve even thrown in a few twitchy little shakes at the end like there’s a loose live wire flopping around inside me. I’m not much of an actor, but it’s not a tough thing to pull off. How, exactly? you may be wondering. Is there not, well, proof? Let me put it this way: Orgasms aren’t hard to fake; ejaculations are. Just use a condom, which I and nine out of ten dentists recommend, and you can easily obscure the lack of evidence. (“Excuse me, miss, let me just run to the bathroom and get rid of this unsightly rubber that may or may not contain my semen.”)

The real question here is: Why would any man do this? Don’t we spend most of our busy hours—and all of our bored ones—plotting to get women into bed with us, just to have the opportunity to orgasm? How could I be so ungrateful? So careless with my good fortune?

Point taken. But the problem with that attitude is that it doesn’t account for system malfunctions. Totally natural system malfunctions. Picture this: Woman beneath me. We’ve had sex a handful of times before. The thrill of new sex has maybe given way to the part where I’ve found a comfortable, familiar rhythm and started to scan the spines on her bookshelf. It’s very late. I’m very drunk. Numb. Psyching myself out here now. Plus, I need sleep. In fact, I must sleep. As I rapidly approach 40, if you offered me the choice between the hottest sex of my life or the greatest nap of all time, well, I would have a lot of trouble making that choice. So I decide: This must end.

Perfect sex is pretty much a myth. And men shouldn’t be ashamed of that. When a pitcher has a bad night, it doesn’t mean he’s a bad pitcher. Shit happens. How often does a pitcher even throw a complete game? The manager just comes out, takes the ball, pats you on the ass, and gets some- one else to finish the job. “Now completing the sex act with your girlfriend, number 42, Mariano Rivera!”

And just to affirm: I conducted a scientific poll to back up my theory. Nate Silver would no doubt be proud of me. Bars are historically the best environment to get truthful answers, so I asked my pals one Friday night after two beers downed. My friends all had stories; we’re just terrible. Reasons faked were all generally in the same vein, evoking the old sexually frustrated lines of the great Robert Frost poem “Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening”: The woods may be lovely, dark and deep / But get the hell off me because I want to sleep. Though one of my friends—let’s call him Tim—offered up the following reason: “Well, she looked at me and said, ‘Are you gonna come?’ because she wanted us to climax together. And I said, ‘Yeah,’ even though I wasn’t close. It’s not as if I acted it out like Meg Ryan in When Harry Met Sally or anything. I just…you know…didn’t.” Ah, the simultaneous orgasm, one of the most despicable lies of Contemporary Love and Sex, rears its ugly head. Can’t we just accept that if a train leaves Boston at 8 p.m. and another train leaves Philadelphia at 8:15, they might not pass each other at the exact same second every night? Well, we should. Sometimes there’s a cow on the tracks at Trenton.

I have this theory that it’s a language problem. We simply don’t have an unloaded way (excuse the pun) of ceasing our Sisyphean thrusting and saying, “It ain’t going to happen.” Or maybe I’m just cowardly. But I don’t want to plant seeds of concern and self-doubt in some lady awesome enough to take her clothes off with me. Which is why there should be a word that means “Okay, please get off—I think this is over now” but contains no malice. Perhaps “Ziffer!” Ziffer, vb: I’m polite and tired, and I have to stop now, but you’re great, okay?

Read More here.

From Our Partners

  • Smilez_920

    I think both men and women have been feed this over the top idea that every time you and your partner have chex that’s its going to be some mind blowing , romantic, movie, p0#n type experience. While we all definitely want the big O to be apart of our chexual experience, it wont happen every time, that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you or your partner or your chex lives. I mean what about the nights when your partner is in the mood and you’re not quite in that space, but you do it to please your partner, or heck like the article said you could just be having a bad night.

    Now if every time you and your partner have chex, you have to fake it, then that might be an issue.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      it should be like at least a 3:1 real/fake ratio lol…

    • Bree

      Smilez if you fakin it every time, that Is an issue, and a big one! ijs.

  • ImperfectlyPerfect

    Good read/information. Is this really true? I just experienced this recently with my man and was beginning to think it was something I did or didn't do. We're both in our 30's and just started having sex. Initially, I felt bad. It made me feel he didn't enjoy the sex but from reading this article, you men are saying that may not be the case. Thanks for the insight.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    I do sometimes, its nothing personal. Sex is tiring, the best HIIT workout you can get, insanity deez. Its not that it isnt enjoyable but if its been a while, I know u got yours and I'm not even close, tense up, pause, roll eyes, head to the bathroom. Of course women gonna feel some type of way if u just tap her like thats enough dear so its easier to fake to avoid any "is it me inquiries". We aint machines

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

    Ummm, yeah I’m going to have to point out the elephant in the room. I’ve never faked but I have stopped before. I usually just chalk it up to being tired – because I am – and most women let it slide. Always round 2 or another day. BUT, the elephant in the room is there are two type of women when a man doesn’t get his thru sex: 1) the woman that takes “ok I’m done” for an answer 2) and the woman that won’t take no orgasm for an answer.

    I’ve noticed over the years there’s been a few times when I thought I just wasn’t going to reach the promise land – and thru sheer will, dedication, and persistence a woman helped guide me to the light using, lets say, “other means.” Though I will admit this is usually a trait more evident in the dating phase than in the commitment phase, but that’s another issue for another day.

    • Slim Jackson
    • cynicaloptmst81

      LMBO!

      I actually have a response but…naw, I'll pass, lol.

      SN: Dude's article was well-written and hilarious!

    • Stanley

      "Though I will admit this is usually a trait more evident in the dating phase than in the commitment phase, but that's another issue for another day."

      This right here????????? I just CANNOT get it. I don't understand it.

    • CandyIsIt

      Is there anything wrong with a woman that won't take no orgasm as an answer? I feel like if he didn't reach that point on the first round, before that last bell dings, he will have reached the promised land by any means necessary. Maybe that's just the giver in me…

  • Constance

    Well I've personally never faked an orgasm. I always tell guys not to expect one from me lol As long as we can get a second round in after he gets his or he is willing to please me in other ways (hint hint) i'm ok with it. Although an orgasm is great, to me they aren't the end all be all to sex. With that said, I would appreciate if a man didn't fake it with me. I've had situations where he straight out said that he didn't think it was gonna happen and it was cool. I've never taken it as a personal shot against me.

    • amaris79

      This has nothing to do with anything, but your picture is gawwjus.

      • Streetz

        #AvailableBox

        • http://www.BlackLatinaFabulous.com Maris

          I’mma fight you!!

      • Constance

        Thanks Amaris :-)

        • Constance

          And what is Streetz talking about? He is not slick lol

  • Nina Lovehall

    When I was young I faked. I didn't even know what an orgasm felt like but my boyfriend was hell bent on giving me one. In my head I was like… "maybe that was it…"

    Recently, after I finished having a wonderful orgasm, and my BF was trying to get his, he just stopped and was like, "Are you good?" I was like "Yeah." And that was it. My feelings were a little hurt, but I got over it quickly.

  • Streetz

    Ive stopped and when asked if I was done said "I decided I just finished"

    LOL

    • Bree

      Streetz u a hot mess…lmbao.

  • Bree

    That chicks face was probably exactly how my face looked the first time I heard men faked orgasms….
    What I always wonder is wth is wrong with the chicks that don't notice that…if a man doesn't cu* then he didn't have an orgasm. Rarely does a man have a "dry orgasm." Is it possible, yes, but very rare. I've had one ex have one with me, but shortly after that on the next go round it was real as real can be. I think the reason for his was because of the marathon sex we had. At any rate, unless a man has a "dry orgasm" if there is no man milk then there was no real orgasm.
    I think I was so shocked that men could fake orgasms because it's just so much easier for women to fake it. There are so few tell-tale signs with women. With men it's either he nuts or he doesn't. Not complicated. I always thought no man milk = no orgasm, man milk = orgasm. ijs.
    Thanks for the education on that.

  • GirlSixx

    This is still a foreign concept to me but apparently it’s REAL… #welp

    So my question is. Why bother even getting it in if you ain’t going to reach the promise land? This question pertains to those (men) who may have initiated the love session in the first place.

  • Paul B.

    Well to be honest is not always the man who initiates these kinds of situations. Contrary to popular believe we’re not always trying to have sex. With that being said though there’s a prevailing notion that when a woman wants to have sex we have to give it to her regardless to how we feel. There are going to be times when we don’t really feel like having sex. It doesn’t mean that there is something wrong with her or that we don’t want her anymore; it just means we may not want to have sex at that moment. Sometimes we can be just tired, and want to rest. But hey, you do what you have to do to keep a happy home, and that means making sure she gets hers too even if you’re not going for yours.

    • Paul B.

      *it’s* (i hate this touchscreen sometimes)

      • Bree

        From what I've heard men "faking it" can also be attributed to them just being exhausted and tired or taking a really long time to cu*. I think because sometimes men do more work sex in and of itself can be physically exhausting for men moreso than women. jmo.

  • Peter Parker

    I have done this before myself. Since I consider myself a pleaser, as long as she has her orgasm, then I am good. Sometimes when you haven't reached the climax point, but your girl has, it can be just as thrilling as climaxing yourself. As someone mentioned above, there is always round 2 or the good ole "sex before work" action. lol Usually, I will be more inclined to let my girl know after the marathon has run it's course, you can definitely be creative and look out for the kid. lol

  • kevin R.

    I always read SBM & I always can relate to the articles. I never leave comments but this. One hit Home I actually thought I was the only man that did this! I’m a young guy 22 and I’ve been in this situation, the female keep pushing herself on me at 1st I always brushed her off you know kicked her to the curve, but onw lonely night when I got that feeling I scrolled in my samsung to see who was down to pitch and of course the same gurl was more than willing…long story short I got up to bat and had plans on making a home run but the game wasn’t. What I thought it would be. She was moaning screaming the whole 9 but I just shaked a little said “ooooh” and rolled over. It wasn’t her I just realized its harder cating one when there is no feelings involved…

  • http://twitter.com/CandaceyD @CandaceyD

    I knew that some men did but i didn't realize so many did. If you're not feeling it you guys need to just say something. Work on figuring out that word to give us some notice. I would seriously feel bad if this happened to me, like it was my fault. Have a meeting and decide on a password gents!

  • Jon

    I started faking two years into the relationship as the girl I was with at the time had let herself go and although I am ashamed to admit that, there wasn’t a lot I could do about it. She also happened to be very bad in bed, only liking missionary (hated doggy – apparently degrading) and saying it was only really for procreation! As the article says here: the first time I couldn’t reach the big ‘O’ with her I was honest (sort of) and just said I was too tired and needed sleep; however, she became very angry about it and didn’t talk to me for a while! The next few times I faked and got away with it, but in the end, the lack of ejeculate got me and it was the beginning of the end relationship-wise (thankfully). What annoys me though is the belief that men not reaching orgasm MUST me down to something medical, when a lot of the time it’s for exactly the same reasons that women do it – tiredness, boredom and bad sex!

  • Pingback: After the Orgasm: A Man’s Moment of Clarity « From Ashy to Classy

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