Why We Shouldn’t Worry About Black Women Who Date White Men

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black women who date white men

Lisa Turtle.  Zack Morris.  They were two characters from the early ’90s sitcom Saved By The Bell.  Most people 28 and older remember it.

During the show’s run, I, and I’m sure many other boys, had a serious crush on Lark Voorhies, who played Lisa.  She had some valley girl tendencies, but who cared?  Lisa was it!  Watching Saved made me think high school was full of hijinks.  If I could have fun, and get me a girl like Lisa, I just knew I would be…the…man!

There was a slight problem I didn’t notice until years later though.  I don’t recall anybody that looked like me being on the show.  There wasn’t one black male student in sight.  How could this be?  And further more, how could I get a girl like Lisa if she didn’t have an option like me?

During one of the later seasons, Zack and Lisa kissed.  This shouldn’t be cause for alarm, but it kinda was.  Interracial kissing and dating, as they’d progress to later, by teens wasn’t usually seen on TV.  It’s the first time I even remember seeing a black woman and white man being involved.  A convo on Twitter (where else) got me thinking about it again.  Now that I’m older, I reexamined it from a different perspective.

In 2010, the Pew Research Center conducted a survey that found 8.4% of all U.S. marriages were interracial. This was more than 1.5 times the amount from 1980. Specifically, black women were only part of 5% of interracial marriages. As a group, black women married at a lower percentage anyway, and this bore out in the interracial percentage as well. The factors for this have been discussed ad nauseam, so tackling it here is moot. What isn’t though is the thought or feeling that a black woman “came up” if she married outside the black diaspora.

Tyler Perry’s A Family That Preys is a good example. In the movie, Sanaa Lathan’s character is married to a blue collar black man, but she was carrying on an affair with a white partner at her firm. She felt like her husband was holding her back, and couldn’t wait to ditch him as soon as her fellow adulterer ditched his wife. Well, ol’ boy never left his wife, and Sanaa was stuck. She assumed that being with the white guy would give her access to the finer things in life. That never happened.

Zack and Lisa never really got going strong before their fling ended. Whatever the reason, however extra popular Lisa was for that time, once her and Zack were done, she was back to being chased by Screech. That’s a serious step back down; no offense to the Screeches of the world. This also leads to the next point.

Misguided it may be, perception can turn into reality. If the Lisas of the world are engaged or married to the Zacks of the world, they must be doing better overall right? Not exactly.

When we consider interracial marriage, it’s fair to assume we look at it from a patriarchal point of view. It’s socially ingrained in our collective conscience to do so. When we see black women married to white men, we assume that they’re more financially well off. We assume that they reside in more upscale neighbourhoods. Now consider black men married to white women.

The assumption stands that this couple resides in a more traditional middle class neighborhood. They are viewed as not being as well off as the BW/WM couple. Is this always the rule? Yes and no.

Yes because, if we look at married couples as a species, most species want to be around their own kind. They feel secure around like-minded couples with a perceived similar experience. Not because each couple is different. What works and is true for one couple may not be true for another. It’s all based on assumptions that have replicated themselves until the assumptions have become self-fulfilling.

Realize that there is truth in stereotypes. There is also a personal story built upon them. For black women who choose to be associated with white men, this is no different. However, they all have individual, personal reasons for why they choose the men that they do. It’s not really anybody’s business to understand, or know why they did.

Darrk Gable is a man on a mission to expand minds, including his.  He has latent talents that are just starting to arrive on the scene. Darrk looks at life from a biblically practical aspect and shares truths that are self evident. If folks don’t agree, well God bless ‘em anyway.

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  • Cupcake Mama

    I had a college professor tell us that black men marrying white women is a status thing. So is a foreigner in the US marrying a white american woman, like Maria Shriver & Arnold S. No matter how big a movie star he might have been, he gets validation & a step up in social class by marrying rich, white Maria. And same for black women marrying white men, they want to move up in status.

    But if that's true, what does it say about the white people who marry foreigners or black men/women?
    Does that mean they have no self-esteem or confidence, they don't feel worthy to marry within their own race? So if I, as a white woman, marry a black man, does that make me someone who steps "down" in class?

    This professor said true love is never color blind, there is always an agenda, realized or not.
    What do you think?

    • loveangel88

      This professor said true love is never color blind, there is always an agenda, realized or not.
      What do you think? – True love is never colour blind because there will always be people who remind you that you are from two different racial groups. People will always look at the racial side of it instead of looking or asking about why those two people were attracted to each other in the first place. In 2013 we're still all about race? That'll never go away. Society (and we are a part of society) continue to allow others to make us feel bad about dating someone of a different race. You can date out of your race and still find someone who – "They feel secure around like-minded couples with a perceived similar experience." It does happen. Yes it's an adjustment cause you were raised differently but most of the time if you really want it to work it can and will work. The key to any relationship working is to keep people out your business.

      • Bree

        "The key to any relationship working is to keep people out your business."
        Amen loveangel88

    • yessir doc

      No offense to your professor but the line of thinking that a minority dating white is attributed to wantinga higher status falls short of making sense when you throw in all the interracial couples where they are both poor or the white person isn't as well off. Also, I'd take it even further and say men caring about status come up when picking a woman isn't even a priority whereas that may be more of a woman's priority.

      SEX on the other hand is one of the many priorities for men and some women too I'm sure. Sexual curiosity is a big part of interracial dating, what happens from there can go either way just like intraracial dating. So if anything your professor was right about one thing, agenda. There's always an agenda and there should be. Love, sex, money, curiosity etc are all agendas. Some good some not.

      Interesting fact though is that while there's lots of interracial dating there's not a lot of interracial marriages. People tend to actually settle down with their own race.

      • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

        Interesting fact though is that while there’s lots of interracial dating there’s not a lot of interracial marriages. People tend to actually settle down with their own race.

        +1

        • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

          we date, we lust but at the end of the day we want them brown babies and soul food sunday dinners

        • Bree

          Actually compared to other races Americans are more likely to marry outside of their race as opposed to Asian and Indian. With them it's a cultural thing. They aren't even allowed to marry outside their caste or other Indians and Asians of a different culture. Even in Africa, Africans are pushed to marry within their tribe. "Americanized" people of other races will marry outside of their race, just off the strength that they tend to hold marriage in a higher regard than we do in the US. So if you do date an Asian or Indian and they ride with you them and their family will expect you to marry. My friend is Cambodian and Chinese and her husband is black. She got pregnant and made it clear to him to marry her or else.
          I don't know if I would call it an "agenda," as much as it's simply a reason. We all do everything we do for a reason, sometimes good and sometimes bad.
          There are actually people who marry because they fall in love with a person who happens to be of another race/culture.

        • http://twitter.com/MrSpradley @MrSpradley

          You can't compare "Americans" to other "Races" because America is not a race. In 2009, 91% of all marriages in America were between two people of the same race.

          Also, black women in America marry outside of their race at about 5%, Asian women in America marry outside of their race at a whopping 17%. Black men marry outside of their race at 11% and Asian men at 8%.

        • Bree

          I stand corrected Most. I meant to compare culturally.

        • Angel

          Please provide citations for your stats; they mean nothing without a source.

      • SomebodySomewhere

        Status comes in all different shapes and forms-they don't have to be rich. And, people infer status from a number of things and situations. When I worked in a supermarket the check out staff thought they were better than the kitchen staff. Neither were well remunerated for their work.

    • oh ok…

      My thoughts…
      I agree…there will always be an agenda whether good or bad in any partnership. Reminds me of the intro to "Think Like A Man". Except the agenda is on both sides and not just for a woman to get a "ring".
      A relationship's foundation should be based on love and respect, but there will always be a "but"…

      *But to reply to Cupcake Mama: "Does that mean they have no self-esteem or confidence, they don't feel worthy to marry within their own race?"
      No, everyone's not the same. I think for a white man to marry outside his race he's taking a bold step and is very self confident in doing so. By going against the American standard & looking outside his race/culture. Most white guys that talk to me are bold and "different" in a rebel type way. Meh, thats my take on it.

    • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

      the status thing may be true for black men who have alot of money. but for the average joe who does not have alot of money, marrying a white woman could be for any number of reasons, usually its somebody he's known his whole life or somebody that actually like him the same way he likes her.

    • sawitcoming

      This is what I have observed: Most black men are fixated more on long, silky hair and light skin. Look at any hip hop video, black movie or black porn magazines like King. If a black female has naturally long and straight hair, with very bright skin and/or blue, green, or hazel eyes bonus beauty points her. Now, take this a bit further. Why have the imitation white women when you can have the real deal?

      The fact is you prefer features and attributes that are fairly foreign to your ethnicity even though 99.9% of your women don’t possess said attributes. Every day in subtle and not so subtle ways you are told over and over that the attributes you do possess are undesirable, even ugly. Therefore you are undesirable and ugly. But you can’t admit that, so you speak in terms of “preferences,” and when that fails, you blame black women and their nasty attitudes.

      This is an excuse. Black men who don’t want to reveal their true beliefs – that black women are ugly- instead say: “black women have ugly attitudes.” This is because to admit that you think women who have the same physical attributes as you – dark skin, brown eyes, afro-textured hair and full features is a tacit admission that you are ugly too. To admit as much is to be forced to face up to this unpleasant fact. Psychologists and sociologists call this sense of unease cognitive dissonance. It’s easier to say that black girls are horrible people than it is to flat out say you think they are ugly and by extension you find yourself ugly.

      • Brace yourself

        Nobel prize winner right there! Bullseye!

      • Serjoyp

        I couldn't have said it better myself!!!!

    • Denee Anaya

      Good Question?]

    • http://www.deneeanaya.com Denee Anaya

      Good Question

    • Kimye

      @Cupcake, A White man can never be brought down in status. He is White and he is a man. The rest: white women, Black men, ect have to take the side door together. white man always takes the front door & whoever he "marries" is carried over the threshold so to speak.

    • Koreanmale12

      Not really, it's more of physical attraction. Why Asian women date interracially more than Asian men ? when Asian men make good money in America. Non Asian women don't find Asian men physically attractive to have relationship. Same with Black Men out marry black women interracially. No matter how much health that individual has, physical( sex) drive isn't there, there won't be any bond between two individuals. In terms of statistics, black men and Asian women are involved in interracial the most. I think in Tina Show, 75% of interracial dating in America is between Asian Women with White Men. Disparity is huge, and numbers say everything. If money is the reason, black women should marry white men as Asian Women are, but black men w/ white women are common. Why? physical attractiveness plays the major role, not the personality or cultural or language barrier. Sry for long response.

  • B. Brown

    There were a couple brothers on SBTB, but they had minor roles (Patrick J. Dancy and one of the nerds). Lisa's role originally wasn't supposed to go to a sister, though…which explains a lot about the show. Zack was the biggest teen pimp out there outside Brandon Walsh, who also had a short fling with a sister (played by Vivica Fox, although she was only on one show). Vivica in a regular, or even recurring, role would have been fun…and 90210 never ended up getting a black character. Alright, time to digress.

    The reason we shouldn't worry about black women who date white men? Same reason we shouldn't worry about anyone dating anyone (as long as they're both humans: you date an animal, you should get a side eye) – it's not our business. I know a woman who went from a black doctor to a white lawyer: when she first made the switch, he was the "white lawyer", but all that stopped after a while. Things just level out in those situations and become more case-specific, especially since society at large is more comfortable with interracial relationships than it was in 1992.

    It's kind-of like looking at something when you first wake up: your vision is blurry, your awareness isn't really there and you mostly focus on color because you can't see anything else. As you fully awaken, your awareness increases and you notice an object for what it really is…and color doesn't matter as much anymore.
    My recent post Five Points of Light

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      and there was that time when white shows on tv randomly added a black character (friends, boy meets world, that 70s show)
      My recent post Today’s Word is… CATFISH

    • Koreanmale12

      Yes, but there is certain trait that each race carries. Blacks are athletic that is the bottom line, NBA , NFL, and Track and Fields when it requires explosiveness + speed, blacks dominate. They are taller and easy to build muscle, top reason why blacks don't do well in swimming. So why black men get more interracial than black women if color doesn't matter? I say lack of sexual prowess from black women that turn non black men off generally. My point is interracial mixing has disparity between genders, black men and Asian women are the top on the interracial dating, whereas black women and Asian men are usually left out. Color doesn't matter, but in terms of gender, disparity will hurt these two left-out genders. Physical attraction is all there is to it nothing more in my opinion. Hope this was insightful reply to you.

  • DoomsBaby

    People consider two people overcoming the color barrier for something better a problem?

  • tylisa06

    I remember being so hyped that Lisa and Zach kissed each other. I was like finally Lisa can get a man. But alas there was no follow up to that episode and things just went back to normal lol.

    • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

      they legit acted like it never happened and Zack marries Kelly who dissed him for another man twice got played and settled for him….what part of the game was that yo

    • JupiterCalhoun

      Lisa could have had a man all along. Screech wasn't a bad guy. He had his own passions, his own style, his own belief system. His two biggest flaws were his looks and he was a little socially awkward. Hell, the second doesn't count. Social awkwardness is relative. In Screech's world, guys like Morris and Slater are the outcasts.

      Imagine if she decided to get with Screech and through her, he became a BETTER man as a result. Along the way, she learns a few things about herself, and also becomes a better person.

      Boom. Happy endings all around.

      • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

        +1

  • Tunde

    personally i don't care if black women choose to date and marry white men. they won't get sideeyes from me or anything like that when i see them in public. i won't bash them on social media and tell them they hate themselves and their father for choosing to not marry someone who looks like them. know why? i don't want them. with that said it always amazes me when a black woman can strongly denounce black men marrying/dating a white woman but applaud when a black woman steps across the color line.
    My recent post The War on Christianity

    • amaris79

      Meh. Women are just louder on the internet. When I'm "confronted", it's in person, WITH my company. I'll take internet musings over fearing for my safety any day.
      And like I said on a similar post the other day. most of the time the women giving WM props for dating BW or BW props for dating a WM, it's because the WM being er.."highlighted" clearly has "options" to date any mainstream standard beauty he wanted (ex. George Lucas) due to his social standing, and he picked a woman who would likely due to her coloring not make any "sexiest WAG" lists. The fact that dude is acknowledging and appreciating "my" ('cause you know we take it personal) beauty when he doesn't have to gives "me" a boost. Now when a BM who has gained similar "options" due to increased social standing picks the most "mainstream" beauty he could find? I mean, I don't care, personally…but I'm also probably not going to apologize if I don't get the same "warm" feelings and boost of confidence, lol.

      • Smilez_920

        +1 amaris79. I couldn’t figure out how to say it. Plus a lot of the internet boards that these BM/WW interracial relationships come across are boards that have a high BW demographic. So it's kind of like your flaunting it in front of their face in certain situations. Kind of like the Brian White/ Taye Diggs fiasco. I personally don’t care that they are married to black women, but don’t throw your distaste for black women in our face when we are your biggest group of supporters. That’s like a smack in the face.

        • Tunde

          let me ask you this. RG3 has gotten a lot of flack (not just from rob parker) from BW around the internet because he chose to propose to a white woman (whom was his gf way before he was famous). he's wasn't flaunting anything in front of anyone and yet he got trashed.
          My recent post The War on Christianity

        • JasMaTazz

          I personally took one good look at RG3 and promptly did not give a flying freak about who he was in a relationship with. Not saying that I'm all the bees knees but… he aint the type of guy i'd be shooting in the gym with. But if I'd heard him speak without seeing him, I might be a lil bit salty that he wasn't with a black woman. To each their own, hope he's happy with her and he continues to make Black athletes look like more than monkeys in dresses…

      • Tunde

        you don't have to have warm feelings but why berate a man (not saying you personally do this) for a choice he decided to make regarding his life? and like you said "'cause you know we take it personal". i don't understand why everything has to be so personal. do i think that zoe saldana is sexy? sure do. am i offended or even off put that she chooses to date white men? not in the very least.
        My recent post The War on Christianity

        • SMilez_920

          RG3 is a special case, and I think Rob parker added on to some of the hate ( which i dont see much of perosnally from black women). Not every man does the fluant thing. Sometimes the Media does it for them. The thing with the internet is most of the women who have an issue with this dont watch football, and only commented on the article because it was probably on a website that main target is BLK women. I guess some feel like once a "Blk man" moves up, they tend to stray from blk women. (I don't believe this is true for the majority).

          Also RG3 gf was with him before he was famous but he was still the star football player at Baylor, I mean she didnt have to much to lose.

        • Tunde

          either way my point still stands. people should be able to date who they want. and the only reason i can see someone saying something negative is if they want that particular person for themselves.
          My recent post The War on Christianity

        • Cece

          … Zoe Saldana is Latina lol. #justsayin'

        • Tunde

          she's a black latina. same difference to me.
          My recent post The War on Christianity

        • Josie

          She is black or a mixture(like most here in America) Hispanic is not a race its a culture therefore she must fall into one of the racial groups. Black would be the closest.

        • amaris79

          Because no matter how talented, smart, successful, degree'd,great in the kitchen or chexually talented we are, women know our stock is in our looks. You have to be attracted before you walk across the room. My personality isn't gonna be evident in a club. And, when BM that are heavily viewed across cultural lines openly pick women that are considered "beautiful" by a standard with which we can't comply, the sting of the reality that our stock probably will never rise causes a bit of….a reaction. That's really all it is. Men are different, because they know that they can cause their stock to rise by other means and it doesn't matter as MUCH what they look like. Boris Kudjoe & Flava Flav can get the same woman, as can Leonardo DiCaprio and Michael Sera. It doesn't work that way for us. I don't understand why men continually ask the same questions when you KNOW what "we' look like makes a difference to "you". They're getting mad because who "you" are picking isn't what "we" look like, and men who want to be like "you" will do what "you" do, which includes chasing what "you" consider to be a prize. It's not hard to understand, and I'm beginning to think this ignorance is selective.

        • Tunde

          and you're assuming men don't care about their looks as well. regardless of the type of woman they can pull a man still cares about how he's perceived by women as far as looks are concerned. this is why the balding industry is a multi-million dollar business and why men get line ups once a week. trust me, we don't do it for ourselves.

          anyway, for instance if i chose to date a white woman or any other woman outside my race i'm not going think about collective black women and their feelings as far as what the standard of beauty is and their insecurities measuring up to it. that's not my cross to bear. as a black man i should be able date whomever i feel attracted to.

          and i say this as a man who does not and will never date a white woman.
          My recent post The War on Christianity

        • amaris79

          Hey, I never said men don't care about their looks, I said men know they can raise their stock in "different" ways. And I'm not saying the line of thinking makes sense or is how it should be…I'm just saying that's what it IS.

        • H.H.H.

          " Men are different, because they know that they can cause their stock to rise by other means and it doesn't matter as MUCH what they look like"

          yes…and no. attraction is primary for males and females, each gender has it's own standard that they would deal with. just like a BF feels a sting when BM choses an ideal that's not "BF", BM (my theory) feel the sting when a BF chooses someone that the BM is nowhere close to being. in short, do'nt get aggy if i'm trying to holla at a Selma Hayek, when you fawnin' over 50. (And Vice Versa.)
          it's just that males may have other factors going on that allieviate their uglyness (which is probably a patriarchal construct, but hey whatever gets me a wife lol)

        • Maris

          50 is hideous. That's my exact point. Ask any woman what makes him "sexy" and you'll get the most unintelligible answers. "It's just this…thing, you know, that he HAS…" It's money. Money is what he has. And extra "manliness" because he is viewed as aggressive. Hence, the "rising stock in different ways" thing.

        • Bree

          great points Amaris

        • Bree

          Every latina woman I've ever met has told me that most latino men cheat and leave them for younger, fresher, prettier women as they get older.
          Last time I checked there was no animal pet name, (like cougar) for much older men who date and marry much younger women.
          Our stock definitely goes down the older we get, whereas mens stock continues to rise.

        • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

          amaris79 that sounds like a self esteem issue that you trying to blame black men for. i can guarantee you that 95% of black men that get with white women over black women don't do it because of looks.

        • bree

          why would you say they do it then Brian?

        • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

          Usually because they are the women that actually like us back. Either we grew up with them, or as we get into our adulthood … they are the only ones that pay us mind. You see that alot with successful black men, the black women they encounter don't understand them … call them weird, awkward, etc. They don't understand what it takes for that black man to be successful. So, they turn to the woman that understands them and accepts them. This goes for athletes, doctors, lawyers, etc. The energy and mentality to become successful is the same rather you playing basketball or performing open heart surgery. -Anthony Brian Logan

        • Southerngyrl_

          Yeah, reading this comment makes me think that Amaris isn't the one with the self esteem issues over here. You might want to look within.

        • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

          i've never dated a white woman and i dont plan on it. the meaningful relationships that i've had have been with black women, and dark skin black women at that. i'm just giving you the point of view that alot of us as black men share but dont necessarily tell you.

        • Mary

          I have also read in a blog that us as Black women can only raise our stock by becoming the white man's "prize",(like Asian women did), then more Black men will start prizing Black women again, because White men's actions controls Black men's. I can say I might hate to understand the statement, it sickens me that we as a family have let it come to this though after all the work put in ahead of us, and that non-white people all over the world still have to appease and be accepted by the actual minority.

      • Adonis

        @Amaris79

        Black women are also blatant hypocrites too. Black men being free irk black women collectively for some reason.

        And these black women who love white men, tend to INACCURATELY bash black men.

      • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

        Naw. Women, black or other, are not “only” loud on the Internet Maris. However, I won’t bother debating the rest of your point because the conflicting observations seem to be resulting from men/women assuming they know the realities of women/men despite neither of us walking in the other’s shoes. So, while that might be your opinion of our reality based on your own observations, it is inaccurate – nor would it be any more accurate for a man to assume he knows a woman’s reality better than a woman; despite not beig a woman himself. And yes, I know this happens every day, on this site and beyond. I’m merely conveniently dropping my two cents here out of laziness lol

    • JayJay

      I'm sure you rarely see black women with white men so of course you can say you don't care. You aren't going to care much about something you don't see. Now if more attractive black women were all of sudden dating/marrying white men then you probably would care. Although I'm sure you will deny it.

      • Tunde

        i still doubt it. if someone doesn't want me then what good does it do getting mad about it? also, what's to say that if that black man you're mad about chooses a black woman its stil going to be someone who looks like you? you gonna get mad because he only dates light skinned women? or only dates women with big butts? bottom line is stop getting your draws in a bunch because someone isn't checking for you.
        My recent post The War on Christianity

        • Liz

          Tunde, does it bother you that other races actively encourage their children to marry within their race, like the Indians, Asians, Arabs, etc.?

          Does it bother you that only the black community (and whites to some extent) do not faithfully have this issue and what that means for wealth growth in the black community? Whites already top the socio-economic scale, so they have some leeway.)

          Other races realise that marriage is not jut about romance. Marriage is a legal proposition which enhances the community. It is about who keeps your money when you die, how wealth is passed from one generation to another etc. Chinese keep their money in the family by marrying within. They also avoid having multiple children with different women for that exact reason. They cheat too, but hardly allow babies to come forth. It's all about having a direct line for your money.

          Black men with money migrate that wealth outwards when they marry, so instead of a black woman and her children being uplifted economically when he becomes a wealthy CEO, a white or indian women gets that wealth and it's passed on to her children. So other races get richer or maintain their wealth and blacks don't.

          This is a very real issue. Blacks need to understand that economic empowerment is what causes a group of people to grow. Ask the Jews. And the issue of wealth creation has a lot to do with how family passes down its wealth.

        • Lakshmi Oshun

          Thank you. Very well put. The sad part is that black men/ women never get that it's never about who you date, but rather how your dating practices uplift or degrade the financial stability of your/culture race.

          Other races get this. Money is not about buying things: fine houses, fancy cars, lots of clothes; wealth is based on many factors, among them the ability to work collectively to build for Future generations of you OWN kind. If you ever, ever think that race does not matter when it comes to marriages for the wealthy-I mean those folks who run the world-take a close look at how many of them marry OUTSIDE of their own races.

          To be clear, there is nothing wrong with interracial dating. It's as old as time and the biggest reason for the number of beautiful-mixed races-that we see in the world today. However, where blacks and interracial dating is concerned, the arguments given for why black men/women date outside of the race are ridiculous. You don't abandon your race when it's at it's worst; that is how you destroy your own culture.

          Thanks, Liz. Best post answer ever.

        • Angel

          Even Michael; estate worth up to 3 billion and it will benefit a legacy that looks nothing like the natural him and doesn't reflect the struggles and dreams of his fathers before him.

        • Angel

          Liz, VERY insightful and overdue comment.

          Wealth is a generational term; an individual can only be rich or affluent, true wealth does not come until two or more generations of recycling assets–i.e. "old money".

          There are simply too many black males who have refused take responsibility, and those are the ones who treat the person who points out their counterproductive behavior as though shining the light on the need for him to change his priorities and stop making excuses is always worse than his actual counterproductive behavior.

          Personally, it is VERY difficult for me to have any special loyalty to blacks because we are so culturally self-destructive and self-defeating. The worst treatment I've received in life has been from WITHIN our ethnic group; so ethnocentrism, for me, is severely impaired. Until we get mature black males who stop defending themselves and refusing to acknowledge and correct the generation irresponsibility and failure to properly value wives and children we're going nowhere. This thing where a grievance backed by evidence of their actual behavior is automatically rebutted and refuted with, "That's because you women…" must end; that's not the way to be a leader–always defending and deflecting instead of correcting self.

          Anyway, don't want to ramble; but this was spot-on what you said, it's conceivably 50% of other ethnic groups that are exclusive to their own due to this principle of not consigning your children to the hell of having to struggle on their own from scratch to prosper, generation after generation–it's not ethnic prejudice or racism–it's business.

      • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

        i see attractive black women and white men all the time. matter of fact that's all i see. naomi campbell, iman, janet jackson, essence atkins, etc. white men get with black women because of their beauty period. black men get with white women because of their understanding and ability to help them rise the economic ladder.

        • Yvonne

          throw out the stars I see it in my everyday life…in my major(pharmD..had to shout out to that) most of the black girls we are curious to see what is out there, I knew a girl who dated 2 indian guys after a long chain of black guys, she wasnt as open minded before but after dating the 2 indians she realized that she had more choices than she had given her self before. The world is getting smaller and we are breaking not only racial but cultural barriers. I am all for sticking with history but I dont think the great fighters of our country fought for integration and all that so we can still sit in our little corner, it is so that we can explore the world and see what we like. In fact, I think that if one dates outside their race, they get a better understanding and maybe appreciation for their own people and the other people. We overthink interracial dating too much. It's like trying something new, if you try it and you like it, then you have a new hobby, if you it's not you thing then it is okay but you now understand why someone else likes. So let's just let people be and start by not talking about it too much.

      • Angel

        You have a point JayJay. I am from Los Angeles but now live in the Bay Area. My cousin who is a deep caramel complexion has never dated anything but white multiracial guys, and in Los Angeles she has seen quite the share of nasty comments and dirty looks from black males. She was crossing the street once with this last guy from Sacramento that she dated for 3 years, and one black dude pointed at her and said, "You're full of shit".

        I expect most black males to be truthful about the degree to which it bothers them that a FINE, ACCOMPLISHED, CLASSY, MATERNAL, RESPECTFUL black woman (especially a large number of them) is seriously dating or marrying a non-trailer park-type white man–CEO or NO, about as much as I expect them to stop constantly defending themselves against observations of the historical record of their generational irresponsibility and horrible treatment of their own women OR about as much as I expect them to limit their comments about how black men think or feel about this or that to their INDIVIDUAL experience and actual knowledge instead of talking as though they know the minds and experiences of all black men.

        • Josie

          I find this funny. Many rappers and media outlets basically state only high yellow or white women are desirable and as many black men are constantly dating and marrying outside their race, I cant see where the problem with your cousin doing the same would be. If I felt like I wasn't wanted by a black man should I shrivel up and die waiting for one to acknowledge my presence? The hypocrisy on some of these people lol.

    • Frankie

      I have nephews just like you! Thank God! you dont like us!!!! AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • KeKe Karlyle

      Thank the Lord you don't want a Black Woman because from the tone of your comment, life with you wouldn't be worth living. Black Women are dating men of other ethnic groups because of the mindset of "black men like you." Black Women are as you said, "crossing the color line" because we are tired of waiting on our black knight in shining army…we want to be with Men who will love and adore us for who we are…a man who will appreciate everything we bring to the table. You obviously don't fit the definition of what I would call a man…so good enjoy what ever love interest you chose, Black Women aren't losing any sleep over your preferences!

  • Stephen

    I have to ask, how many men are worrying about black women who date white men? I'm sure there are a couple here and there such as those with a Pan-African movement type of mindset but, aside from that, I have never come across a brother who worried about it. Men simply aren't geared to worry about who women marry like women worry about it with men because men aren't raised to view a spouse as a support structure in the way that women do.

    • Southerngyrl*

      Hmm. I did a little research with this in college. There may be some Asian males that may disagree with your assessment. Typically, Asian women and White men dated outside of their race more often than anyone (at least that was the case when I was in college). During that time I found quite many articles to support that theory. At that time, a lot of Asian men felt that they didn't even have a chance to marry an Asian woman because a good bit of Asian women dated and married outside of their races. I am thinking this may still be an issue, but I haven't kept up with the topic.

      So yes, there are some men lamenting the fact that a woman of their own race is dating interracially.

      • Stephen

        My point is that this does not seem to be an issue to black men in reality. I'm not disputing that there are not some men that don't like it but really, how many black men are worried about it? I would contend that very few are and that articles like this only make it appear like more of an issue than it really is. For example, I can easily find a lot of criticism against black men for dating white women all over the Internet, even comments on it within this thread, but I can only find a very small fraction of criticism against black female/white male relationships. Furthermore, most of the exposure and criticism I see online surrounding this topic doesn't seem to be generated by black men, it's by black women. This shows me that black men, by and large, don't care about the subject but that it is important to women.

        • Southerngyrl*

          Well, you mentioned men in your last sentence so I figured you were talking about all men, but I guess not. To be honest, I have to agree with Amaris. On the internet, women are probably the ones making the most comments (It all depends on the site though). In real life, you haven't heard anything until you have heard the snide comments coming from a black man when you are out on a date with someone who is an "other". I date interracially and my sister is married to a man who is white. If you actually knew how many comments are made, you probably wouldn't make this assumption.

          FYI – just because you don't see it, does not mean it does not occur. Also, just because you see it online, does not mean it translates into real life. To reiterate Amaris' point again, I'd take online hate over actual real life threats any day.

        • Stephen

          I never assume that, because I don't see it, it doesn't occur but, when I try to research it and come up with almost no information on it being a problem, it would be equally wrong to assume that black men are worrying about it. My point is that I'm not going to assume that it's an issue when there is little to no evidence that points to it. I'm neutral about this being a phenomenon worth worrying about among black men until I see the evidence.

          I sympathize with you and your sister but just because a few black men criticized you both doesn't mean that it's an issue to black men as a group. I've dated interracially and caught plenty of vitriol from some black women but my experience with specific black women doesn't justify an assumption of black women as a group.

        • Southerngyrl*

          What type of research are you doing? What type of evidence are you searching for? Are you asking black women who date interracially on their experience? Or are you looking for some type of scientific evidence?

          You made an assumption earlier that black men don't seem to be phased by it all, because you couldn't find evidence to back it up. One assumption isn't better than the other. I have given you my experience, and my sister's experience as evidence. We don't reflect the entire spectrum of black women dating interracially, but you don't reflect the range of black men who date interracially either.

          Also, I should note that if you are going online and googling this information, most of what you are going to find are fluff pieces from magazines with articles geared toward black women. They are writing to a specific audience, which is why it will be more one-sided. Also, as I have said before, just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't occurring. So you can remain neutral until the end of time, it doesn't mean that I won't get some hateful crap yelled at me when I go out.

        • Slim Jackson

          Not for nothing, but I liked this discourse. Appreciate the anecdotes Southerngyrl.
          My recent post slimjackson: Never start a project for someone without setting expectations. Ambiguity breeds anti-awesome.

        • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

          the small amount of criticism in real life you see of black women/ white men relationships is equivalent to the amount of criticism you see on the internet. the internet is a big place and objects you see in the mirror of your computer screen are larger than they appear.

        • Southerngyrl_

          Anthony, you sound a bit like an apologist. Take the same advice I gave Stephen. Maybe in your other life you were a Black woman. If this is the case, please inform the rest of us. You know so much about our experiences.

        • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

          i know alot about alot of things. this topic right now just happens to be what we're talking about right now. you acting like black women live in a world away from black men. i dont even really get what you trying to say by your comment. is what i said true or is it false.

        • Southerngyrl_

          In my experience, what you said is patently false.

        • youngn

          honestly boo boo your ugly as shit. black women who date white men have strong african features or act so white that black women want nothing to do with them. but ye attractive black women most likely date attractive black men the ones you couldnt get, sooooo now your stuck suck a small pink dick with lice good job.

          and ps white men have sex with animals google it,!

        • Guest

          And white women don't? Take your bitter azz somewhere else to spew your nonsense.

          Oh wait. This is a black Male Bitch Blog. Carry on, loser…

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

    i dont care about interracial dating, what slightly irks me is the people who do it intentionally to spurn their own. I've dated white women but that doesn't mean my next girl wouldn't share my melanin level. I've seen black women cast off brothers altogether like a white man is some saving grace….aint sh t men come in a sizes and colors
    My recent post Today’s Word is… CATFISH

    • Smilez_920

      Agreed. I think the same can be said for BLK men who date outside of their race because they think BW are all “Ratchet, not submissive, Evil, only want bad boys, all have BM/BD drama etc, are gold diggers even though most women of other races would give him a side eye if he didn’t have a good job and some money in his pocket”.
      I think there are some men and women who stick to dating outside of their race because they feel they haven’t had success (or don’t feel wanted) by men/women in their race.
      I also think as far as “blk women dating white men for money/gold digging” is’nt completely accurate. I think people tend to date within their socioeconomic level. I mean with more black women getting advance degrees and working in corporate America, their going to be working around more WM who probably make around the same ball park or more as them. I don’t think their necessarily using that man for his money. No different then if you saw two black high power lawyers dating, I wouldn’t assume off back that she’s using him for his money.

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan.

        "I think there are some men and women who stick to dating outside of their race because they feel they haven’t had success (or don’t feel wanted) by men/women in their race."

        ie the bad build white women the man keeps trying to pawn off on us lmao j/k. slightly.

        My recent post Today’s Word is… MUSIC

        • SMilez_920

          Lol… Tristan, there’s nothing funnier than a black man talking all this smack about black women and why he doesn’t date them (were over weight, loud, cant keep it together, gold diggers, blah blah), only for him to turn around and grab the hand of his mediocre over weight, look like she’s worn that sweat suit all week, stay at home, non- black wife lol it makes me laugh and smile.

      • Bree

        Smilez many times when people start dating outside of their race because of all the negative experiences they have with their own race it usually stems from a place of frustration. Not saying it's right, but after several failed relationships with one particular race, and/or type of people they will say, let me try "Something Different." I think people who are closed minded and closed off to dating other races are just as bad as people who date other races for the wrong reasons. Same thing, just different ends of the spectrum. Imo you do yourself a disservice when you close yourself off from new experiences with new people because of preconceived notions based on hearsay about other races and cultures.
        Everybody should date, be with and marry whomever they love.
        Think of all the beautiful biracial and multi-racial people we wouldn't have if nobody went outside there race. I know for a fact I wouldn't exist. I'm not directly biracial, but my grandparents and great-grandparents are biracial and multi-racial.

    • Rayya231

      <div id="idc-comment-msg-div-544451565" class="idc-message"><a class="idc-close" title="Click to Close Message" href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(544451565)"><span>Close Message</span> Comment posted. <p class="idc-nomargin"><a class="idc-share-facebook" target="_new" href="http://www.facebook.com/sharer.php?u=http%3A%2F%2 Fwww.singleblackmale.org%2F2013%2F01%2F10%2Fblack-women-who-date-white-men%2F%23idc-container#IDComment544451565&t=I%20just%20commented%20on%20Why%20We%20Shouldn't%20Worry%20About%20Black%20Women%20Who%20Date%20White%20Men%20-%20SBM" style="text-decoration: none;"><span class="idc-share-inner"><span>Share on Facebook</span></span> or <a href="javascript: IDC.ui.close_message(544451565)">Close Message" This is why no one takes black people seriously! I can't even take them seriously . There's no self-pride in black men the type of low self-esteem we have is so damn sickening . Read the books about your own history please read it and never forget it .Open your mind marrying out doesn't make you escape your reality as a person of color . Read about Emmit Till and what they did to him . Other groups always remember their history and are proud to remind the younger generation , history is sacred and it shouldn't be forgotten. I personally would not even want to marry a black man due to their current mental state and also because I want my kids to love themselves. It's actually an epidemic when black men hate themselves to the point of not wanting to date/marry people who resemble them instead they would rather intermarry into a culture that they are purely ignorant of. I give up no hope for the BET generation MLK wasted his time.

      • Rayya231

        Before you pass judgement I've dated many black males and they have always made me feel unworthy and inferior they won't even give me a chance to prove myself Many dates have told me no one wants black women, its going to be hard for you to find a man .you're going to be single, the odds are against you blah blah. I've heard this as a young girl , from my father , and male cousins. I'm woman of class, intelligence and beauty, men of all races have been attracted to me. I deserve love and acceptance if I can't receive that then I will exit gracefully . Seriously what's the point of trying to be with men who have low self esteem or who are so ignorant into thinking that I'm putting on airs because I'm not the stereotype they want me to be

        • Angel

          Speak! It is just simple relational math; there is no way that so many of these black males can be of such excellent character as their defensiveness would imply and have the proven history of mistreatment against their own that they do. I always laugh when I hear some white woman presumptuously and condescendingly talk about how the black women must be doing something wrong because the black man she's with treats her so well–ENOUGH!

          Black women don't need to receive any more counsel from their historical abandoners, abusers, and betrayers. We have fought long and hard not to be ignored and to be humanized let alone valued, appreciated, and cherished–and we still have some ways to go here in this country with its stupid system of conditioning.

          WHAT I WANT MATURE BLACK WOMEN TO KNOW IS THIS: You are doing nothing wrong. It is not your RESPONSIBILITY to make ANY man know he is a man or feel like a man–AFFIRM his manhood here and there in a natural, flowing fashion, yes; compensate for what should have been instilled in him by his God and his earthly biological father, no. No woman of quality wants to shoulder the weight of having to build a man's esteem from damn-near nothing. Black women grew up in the same neighborhoods and households and we still have managed to maneuver gracefully, forgivingly, and competently in this horribly biased and badly conditioned society–there is no excuse. BLACK WOMEN, I ENCOURAGE YOU TO IGNORE THE BITTERNESS CAMPAIGN THAT SOME BLACK MALES HAVE LAUNCHED TO WORSEN THE VERY REAL REALITY THAT IN MANY CASES YOU ARE THE LOWEST ON THE SOCIAL LADDER, this is through no fault of your own. TRAVEL. PLEEEEEASE TRAVEL. I can take you to five places off the top of my head where you will stop traffic just by being you and have exotic, respectful men courting you and not just trying to get in your pants. Antarctica and South America are the only continents I have not been to and so please know that there are black women (the kind that you can tell are black just by looking at them and not some sort of mixture) who are doing "the impossible" all over this globe–black women in Bahrain with their own VERY successful businesses, black women whose dutch boyfriend arranged for all expenses to have her move to his country AND MARRY AND RAISE CHILDREN WITH HIM, black women who had an Italian momma's boy realize it was time to man up when he was refused a second date with her and FLEW TO THE STATES TO GET HER TO GIVE HIM ANOTHER CHANCE–they're married with three beautiful babies now.

          Hear me when I say: Both my cousin (who has never yet even dated her own black men) and I have talked with about 35 or so white AND ASIAN dudes in our time in California–particularly up North–and the issue is not anything some nefarious black males would have you believe, it is just that most of them assume you would prefer the black male to them and don't know if you are approachable. Get out and have a simple, pleasant conversation about what you've been learning as you're studying to receive that Master's degree or when you attempted the Insanity workout for the first time, smile, pay him a genuine compliment and LIVE.

      • Angel

        Sad but true. I know the warmth a black man is capable of; it's just those experiences with him have been too rare. You tell me: where am I going to find a black man who doesn't listen to hip hop–especially religiously? Where am I going to find a black man who the first 30 seconds they here me speak says, "Oh you wunna doz intelligent types, huh?" Where am I going to find a black man who doesn't get cruel when I try to see who he is and how he truly feels inside (intimacy)? Where am I going to find a black man who doesn't treat my asking him a question about a course of action he proposes to take as a challenge to his very manhood? Where am I going to find a black man who isn't going to believe so deeply in his entitlement to have me participate in any sexual act his mind can conjure, that if I refuse (even temporarily) he gives himself the justification to "go get it somewhere else" (which obviously indicates the act is more important to him than I am)?

        I'm happy to cozy up with some chocolate like that, but right now, even in places like Silicon Valley, (so, no the place to find Mr. love and chocolate would not necessarily be in more affluent, educated and upscale areas) other ethnic groups have an advantage with me.

  • The CPT

    Most of us "brothas" could care less. They way I see it, get in where you fit in and be happy whichever way you like. I have no vitriol for people who date interracial because I would much rather people be with someone and happy than lonely and complaining.

    I hear only on the internets though, that black women say black guys get all out of character when they are out with a non-black man. I have never witnessed this in public ever. Maybe it's just the D.C. area, but I hardly hear any resentment towards a black woman dating whom she wants.

  • http://www.OpinionatedMale.com Mr SoBo

    Very interesting take.
    The stereotypical assumptions are oftentimes what lead many to unchartered waters. In general, White appears to be the default go to standard for any non-caucasian person looking to step outside their race. This seems to be pretty consistent across the board: Black, white, asian, indian, etc. At least based on my observations.

    It could simply be that the world has been successfully indoctrinated with the notion that white equates to privileges, class and overall greatness. It goes without saying that such associations are not bound to being white, but carry over to being with someone white. It goes beyond simple status seeking. Its perception romanticized.

    Or perhaps we as people look at things in such grave extremes as 'black' and 'white', we unconsciously consider anything that is not caucasian, 'black'. Or at least, still within the category of a person of color (minority). Basically reinforcing the aforementioned notion while inadvertently suggesting that there exists only two categories: White,…and then everything else.
    Now of course there are many interracial couples where neither of the partners are caucasian. However, it doesn't negate the existence of the romanticized white man/woman view that leads many to the assumptions that dating white means dating right.

    Good read by the way.
    Cheers.
    My recent post Click one of the post titles above to include it at the end of your comment

  • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

    The overwhelming sentiment seems to be that most don’t care about interracial dating/marriage in general. Some have already answered this, but to those that haven’t I ask “would you or have you dated interacially?”

    • Tunde

      interracially? yes. more specifically would i date a white woman? absolutely not.
      My recent post The War on Christianity

      • shar

        why not? Would you have "relations" but not date one?

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      You might want to define “interracially.” Technically, I’m in an interracial relationship right now. Most people only think a couple is “interracial” when they can see a blatant difference between the two people in the relationship, eg black and white. However, by definition, two people of any varying race (or some might say ethnicity but I don’t want to get in that head bashing against a wall of a debate) is an interracial couple.

      To answer what I think is the question, “yes I have and yes I would again.” Best I can tell, I’ve dated most every type except Asian. For whatever reason, I was never able to break into that ring of trust. Dah well, “always next life time,” no Erykah Badu.

      • Tunde

        same here bro. thanks for the the distinction on "interracially".
        My recent post The War on Christianity

      • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

        Point taken. And yes, different ethnicities is what I was getting at.

      • amaris79

        Um. maybe we do wanna define the distinction between "interracial" and "intercultural"? Not to pull hairs, but if you say..date me, you're still dating a Black woman, I'm just Hispanic and our culture is not the same.But if we're walking down the street people will go, "what a cute Black couple", lol. The only difference is seen when I take you home and my fam won't let you through the door (I'm kidding. Sorta.).

        But I am actually making a point with this. There are many "diva" dudes that will try to "cut a corner" by making that distinction (ie. "I love Black women but I would NEVER date a Black "American" woman, they're too (insert generalization here)") as well. We don't just get it from "one angle". But that's a whooooole other blog post, I guess.

        • SMielz_920

          You bring up a good point about culture and race. Especially when you bring in the “Latina” factor example. When I hear some Blk men talk about their preference for Latina women their usually (from my experience) are talking about the more "Spain/european” looking Spanish women. "The J.Lo’s, Cassie’s, Gloria Velez…..” I don’t really hear them mention or describe women who Afro-Latina (hope that’s the right wording”.

          (Just pointing that out, Nothing personal).

        • Slim Jackson

          I've never thought about intercultural. Excellent addition to the discussion. And yes, I do think that's a separate post in itself. **goes to email to assign the topic** lol
          My recent post slimjackson: Never start a project for someone without setting expectations. Ambiguity breeds anti-awesome.

        • amaris79

          I knew a guy who SPECIFICALLY only dealt with Black Latinas or women born in the Caribbean because they "knew their place" & "knew how to make a man feel like a man".

          Somehow, I was supposed to take that as a compliment. O_o

        • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

          I’m trying to reply to Slim but the mobile struggle won’t let me. Yes, dating interculturally vs interracially is definitely blog worthy and not something that should be regulated to the comment section – hence why I avoided. That said, as far as blog assignments go, all I can say is “not it.”

          I’m not touching that topic with a 100 foot stick owned by someone else. It’s right up there with talking about religion and politics. There’s just some topics I, as a writer, won’t bother with. Too much subjectivity and more importantly (or annoyingly) emotion to have – in my experience – any level of meaningful discourse. I wish whomever writes about the topic a 100 years of success lol

        • MaggK

          And Slim maybe you can write the post :D!!! WIM obviously declined the offer (you're in an intercultural relationship your view from the inside could be interesting;))! The topic is RICH!!!

        • MaggK

          Amaris i gave a thumb up to all your comments in this post, agree with you on EVERYTHING!!!
          Thank you for the distinction. The idea that "Black culture" is diverse tends to be forgotten…

    • jdoubleu

      Being Afro-Dominican, interracial marriage is a norm for me. My father's side of the family is Jamaican, but even most of my cousins are married/have children with women who aren't West Indian. So like Maris and WIM both said in similar ways, people tend to focus so much on the ethnic aspect (b/c it's the difference you can initially see). However, intercultural dating is just as prominent. The terminology about ethnicities is migraine-inducing.

      Having said that, I've dated more inter-culturally than I have interracially. Though I have never and would never date a white or Asian woman. As a fan of plentiful thigh meat, those ethnicities just don't do it for me.

      • Southerngyrl_

        plentiful thigh meat….hilarious. ; )

        Although, your comment did make me hungry for chicken.

  • Peter Parker

    I come from the viewpoint that each individual can choose whoever they want to date. Race should not be a factor when seeking your queen and significant other. Being in a relationship is like a team. You pair yourself up with the person that makes you better. In the words of Bobby Brown, "Why don't they just let me live? I don't need commission Make my own decisions That's my prerogative" Just saying…..

    • Bobby

      That's too simplistic for the well-imperfect world in which we live. I can guarantee you are not black, by the rose glasses. Not everyone shares your perfect outlook, and with due reason.

      • SUNNYBOY

        Bobby, how do you know it is TOO simplistic? How much more or less simplistic would the statement need to be in order to be just the right amount of simplistic? Where are you getting the idea that it HAS to be more complicated? Is it the imperfect world making the decision as to whether two individuals will connect? Can you guarantee that I'm not black? What is your definition of perfect? Is perfect inherently defective? Why would the more pessimistic person about a given idea or ideal be better in their outlook as further away from perfection? Is a "perfect outlook" antagonistic to reason? What exactly are the characteristics of a "perfect outlook"?

        That everyone doesn't share Peter's outlook is an intellectually obvious given; this does not negate the truth contained in this or any other statement, if it did, it would be the triumph of a logical fallacy called an Appeal to Popularity.

    • tymetravelife

      i agree with this comment, Peter Parker. the end -game should be finding the person that complements you & that you complement. all the ‘other’ stuff is just baggage that drags down already short life-spans.

      • GWEN

        Here here. I wish people would cut out the complication beyond individual attraction and character.

    • Sapphron

      Your outlook is simple and elegant and makes perfect sense to me. Besides ppl are going to do what they want anyway so who cares.

  • http://lesbianbrooklynite.wordpress.com/ Lesbian Brooklynite

    Stereotypes do sometimes ring true. I am one of those people who assume a couple is well off, if a black woman marries a white man. I don't see why else she would to do it, unless he was gorgeous. lol If you are gorgeous color doesn't matter. Everyone thought Lisa was a beauty.

  • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

    before i read the article i just want to say that i do not like when black women date white men. i'll comment again after i read the article to give an informed opinion on the article.

  • Young Heaux

    I think black people should want to marry each other. Of course, you make decisions based on your life. My preference would be someone of my ethnicity, but I'm not against other ethnicities either. HOWEVER, there are benefits to consider when dating and marrying people within your culture. You advance your legacy, history, kind, etc. You strengthen your community. Think of the most organized, successful ethnic groups (particularly in the US)–Jews, Indians, Arabs, various Asian and African groups, etc–they are prideful as SH*T. Like they hardly touch other people, and if they do, it's just "practice." They almost think they're better than others. Not in a evil way, it just is what it is. And that's how black people need to be.

    Plus, I feel the more open black people get, the sooner we are to erasing nappy hair, dark skin, etc. I've heard too many times already stuff like "I don't want no nappy headed babies." This type of shit is a threat to your people and your race, and y'all need to be aware of this. See: phenotype genocide.

    It may sound archaic and conservative but it's true.
    My recent post &quot;Django Unchained&quot;: Thoughts (spoilers)

  • alfie

    its not us who shud b worrying its the bw who should b worrying as its her who has the headache.she claims she wants to go outside -she has a demand for non black but they dont have a demand for her.
    report 2010
    white mans choice
    ww 50 mill ,asian wom 529000,other wom 488000 ,black woman 187000.
    its a wipeout.its the same in every race of men-all chooses her last n least.asian men,other men,hispanic etc.
    white man chose 52 mil total but only 187000 black-as a percentage bw has only garnered 0.5% of the wm marraiges .
    she has the lowest marraige rate but the highest illigitimate child birth rate.she gets sex n babies but no marraiges.
    in online dating she gets practically no searches n response from anyone let alone the wm.as a result she must lie about her race to gain searches n responses.
    whatever her motives ,intentions n agenda she is going about it in the wrong way n in the wrong place

    • Liz

      Why are you pointing this out? You seem to be reveling in the idea? So, how does that make you any different from people who put you down on account of your race if you are so happy to put down BW.

      I just dont get the point of a post whose sole point is to make BW feel bad about themselves when society already does that.

  • MaggK

    Some of yall are extremist… -_-'! And it's a weird attitude, considering that we all have some blood that is not black in our system… But still we are black… (Maybe that's why black people are more open to date outside their race, the one drop rule will always be effective!!!)
    Don't overthink interracial/intercultural relationships. For the majority of people who are in this situation, they are together because they LOVE eachother, as human they have all the right to do so!!!

  • Anita

    Interstingly enough, those who are not in nor have ever been in an interracial relationship have the most to say about it and most of it is dead ass wrong. The personal is NOT always political. I am with my white husband because we are two peas in a pod. Love does transcend and you only know that if you have had the opportunity to experienced it. If you have not you can only speculate based on pre-existing biases.

    That professor is promoting social ideas at least two generations old. He needs to study before he speaks because his ideas of power structure within racial relationships is antiquated and from a time before research from female and POC was widely available (or at least acknowledged by the higher education white male patriarchy.)

    • CARLOS

      Agreed. I find it disturbing that there are so many male voices here that carry this tone of telling black women what they need to do, and talking about the actions of these women as though it's some kind of trick their playing to affect the black man's behavior.

      Stats have their place and I've seen too many people fail to express an educated perspective and appropriate the LIMITATIONS AND INHERENT BIASES that are OFTEN DESIGNED INTO STATISTICAL RESULTS. My question is: are these men looking for black women to lose or fail? Their tone suggests something other than simple well-wishing–no they want to show how the numbers are against her because she GETS HERSELF pregnant too much and fails to marry. There is no attention given to the media machine that has unduly vilified black woman who've already been abandoned by their fathers and other males, regardless of her true nature.

      Look, there are high and low quality versions of both female AND MALE in EVERY ethnic group. It is high time that black women stand up for themselves against the degradation WITHOUT WAITING FOR PERMISSION TO CLARIFY WHO SHE IS. America is f-ed up when it comes to the perception of black women and, of late, both high profile and common males have been exacerbating that. It's a shame because it's the same old divide and conquer social program–except it's now on autopilot from within the black subculture.

      There is a system of conditioning in place that prevents people from truly seeing one another, and only individual action on a powerful, transcendent, universal idea will conquer all the bitterness and stupidity.

  • itsmeagain

    This must be one of those academic conversations because it sure doesn't apply to the real world. Black women and white men do not marry each other. They don't date each other. I'm sure some black prostitutes go with old white men just like some white prostitutes go with old white men. The color of money after all, is green. I know that's true because I've seen it in Vegas. But I have never ever seen a young married couple consisting of a black woman and a white man. This is just a Hollywood thing they are trying to foist down our throats. It's not that I have anything against it, I could care less. It's just that it's a bogus storyline and that's what frosts my butt. Oh sure it's probably happened somewhere sometime. But the coupling is so rare that most people have never seen it. I could speculate as to why the entertainment industry is suddenly pushing the idea. It could be a new twist to sell more soap.

    As for all the black women discussing the possibility lately on the internet: I notice in almost every post on the subject, the black women make sure to mention that if black men can do it with white women then they can turn the tables themselves. To quote one, "Whats good for the goose is good for the gander." Come on, she see's herself as a black goose for a black gander. It's like that in almost every post black women make on the topic. It's a threat pure and simple. For the most part they don't care anything about white men. It's likely a last ditch effort to get the attention of black men. Black men, often go with white women. Must leave black women worried about the supply of black men. Seems to me black women are picking up on this latest Hollywood meme and they are pumping it online in order to draw black men back into their social orbit.

    The simple fact is, white men in their early twenties are still boys really. Black men grow up a lot sooner. White men don't hit their stride until their mid 30's. Why would a black woman in her early twenties be interested in hooking up with a kid when she is perfectly placed to hook up with a grown up man? You think a twenty year old woman of any race is looking at a guy because she knows he is likely to open an IRA? By the time white men grow up, the bloom is off the rose among black women. White men may mature later in life, but they do mature. What thirty five year old white man is going to want to marry a thirty five year old black woman with kids in tow? I'm telling you it doesn't happen.

    Instead what does happen and is going to continue to happen is young immature white men are going to keep marrying young immature white women. They will grow into adulthood together. She will understand his propensity to put so much emphasis on his job. She might get frustrated by it but she will understand it. After all, that's what her dad did and that's what her grandfather did and that's what she knows. At some level she senses that for him, putting his job first, is putting his family first.

    So you white men who have an internet connection and suddenly think you're riding a new wave of popularity among black women, you need to slow down and get a life. She may give you a little wink but you ain't getting anywhere with her. She's just using you as a bait lure.

    And I think it might be working. I notice black men are starting to attack black women who are advocating the black woman, white man pairing They are calling black women awful names like bed wench and knee-grow. It's just terrible name calling. But that is the way groups keep errant members in line. It's ugly, but it works. If nothing else, black women are getting what they really wanted, sort of…..that is, attention from black men. I guess even negative attention is better then no attention at all. What the heck, it's a start.

    • http://singleblackmale.org Deidra

      A relationship with a Black female and white male is not only a hollywood thing, it does happen in America. I am divorced, middle aged attractive, educated black woman who is about to marry the love of my life who happens to be a white man who is educated, handsome and finacially secure, and a couple years younger than me. I have 3 biracial teenagers and that did not change his mind about wanting to be with me. We love each others and that is all that matters.

    • Kyanimal

      LOL You sir are an idiot.

  • COBALT

    So what are you saying? I don't exactly see your point as to why we shouldn't worry; unless you were taking a roundabout route to your last sentence, "It’s not really anybody’s business to understand, or know why they did." in which case it seems that the majority of the content of your post negates that statement. It looks like you spend most of the time here telling us we don't need to worry because white males are not serious about black women (generally), but then end by saying it's not our business to know why or understand if they do appear to be serious (i.e. married).

    Well, whatever you were doing, to your point about assumptions about the socioeconomic status of interracial couples, I think, as with many other things surrounding this issue, that there is no way for us to say, "Most people…" or "Most black women…" or "Most white men…". I get a weary of hearing people talk like that because it's a kind of intellectual shortcut to getting to know people who ought to be taken on a case-by-case basis as they PRESENT, not as they REPRESENT. I think this is the most respectful way to treat people; not on the basis of any assumption as to who they are or where they belong or are trying to rise to, but rather I like to try and dignify them with a simple intelligent conversation and if there are some cliche untruths being spoken, tactfully, challenge them by putting that person in a position to re-think what they've said. There are dense concentrations of white males with black females in one part of the US and world (speaking as a frequent world traveller) that you will not find in another, there are white males of different socioeconomic statuses and sizes and confidence levels–all of this must be factored into statements like, "White men don't typically…" or "Black women want to date a white man because…".

    Also, the black dudes I've played ball with a few times talking that way always cause me to cite in my own mind the fact that none of them have dated 900 black women. Why do I say 900? Because 900 is a number less than a representative sample–so you see they are assuming knowledge instead of gaining knowledge and then publicizing negativity about AN ENTIRE SUBCULTURE OF WOMEN (much of the time based upon one bad experience they had with one relationship in which, for all we know, the communication and/or respect failure could've been equally or mostly his own). I think it's presumptuous and even a little insulting to speak on behalf of what black women want in their individual stead; I think what A BLACK WOMAN wants in a A RELATIONSHIP with A [whatever ethnicity group] MAN should be discussed and understood between the parties of THAT RELATIONSHIP and we need to most of the time ignore so-called relationship experts. Part of qualifying as an adult is the ability and inclination to represent yourself as an individual and not allowing third parties to know more about you than the one you are with does.

    I'm going to stop now, not trying to make this too long; but just so you know, when I see a black woman with a white man, I mostly don't have any assumptions except that they are together by choice. It may be that HE is the one who "came up" by attaching to her (after all an unprecedented number of black women are experiencing "the finer things in life" on their own without the help of a man of any ethnic group–through their own accomplishments but they still want a quality man). I think the title of this post is slightly implying an "our team" against "their team" type of structure where you almost sound like you're saying, "Don't worry guys, they won't beat us 'coming up', the white guys don't take them seriously or value them enough". Please don't get mad, but from what I've observed, you can, in many cases, add the word "either" at the end of the latter sentence.

  • GOODIEGOODY

    There are some people whose reality extends beyond and functions as an exception to television and movies. Not everyone is as simple a programmable animal.

  • Mar’Taja

    This is interesting and strange, like many other articles that try so hard to figure out the motives of someone else. However , when someone steps in our yard it’ s another deal.

    Understand, that there is nothing TO understand. The ONLY way you can understand why someone is with someone else is by ASKING THEM.

    No one person, stereotype, survey, NOTHING, can speak up for the person you have a question about.

    Which makes me question how much do you trully want to “expand your mind”, if you don’ t go to the source first?

  • Gene

    Some interesting commentary. Although its anecdotal, it’s seemed to me that white women often date black men but black women don’t often date white men. I had assumed this evolved from cultural expectations and also what the social media portrays as fashionable. It’s now socially acceptable for a white woman to be with a black man, but I can’t say it seems the same for white men and black women. I do see a lot if white guys with Asian women. Again that’s my personal experience. Being a white guy I find this topic interesting. One post also mentioned black men maturing faster than white men. I’m not sure what evidence there is if that, but its an interesting comment. I think maturity often comes with the responsibilities of parenthood. I didn’t have my first kid till I was 30.

  • Todd Valley

    Some people get offended when they see different nationalities together its like they get jealous. I feel like this if I want to stick my dick in Mrs piggy its my dam buisness if you aint swallowing my nut dont worry about what the hell i do you noisy ass shitt eating son of bitch. Eat shit and dye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Exx

    You have a good head on your shoulders. But me personally I think interracial is beautiful.

  • Metta

    All four of my Ivy League college roommates who were straight black women ended up marrying white men. One married a black classmate, and after their divorce married a white man. One married a white man, divorced him, and married another white man. Two others each had one marriage — each to a white man. While I don't know the financial situation of one of my former roommates, in the case of the three whose finances I know about, all of them married white men with less education and less money than they had. The women were doctors, lawyers or executives. Their spouses were — in general — very good looking guys who adored their wives, but weren't as academically or economically accomplished. Each of the women is head-turning gorgeous. Each had dated black men at some time in their lives, they just ended up marrying white men — perhaps because due to their interests — things like the arts, literature, international travel etc. — there aren't a lot of black men whom they encountered with similar interests. I'm now getting divorced from a longtime marriage with a black man (His cheating is the reason for the divorce). The men I'm dating are white — because due to my interests — theater, Eastern spiritual practices, creative writing — those are the men whom I encounter.

  • http://mydatingadvicesite.com Gari

    I have no problem with with different races together, if love is there I say go for it who cares what the rest of the world has to say. I have had a few relationships with black and white woman, I don't see colour I see the person within

  • Prefer_your_original_race

    I will never marry or fuck a black and spoil my progeny. while Europe is still preserving its race White america is becoming black. Your same family in Europe will ridicule nyou. While racial equality is just fine but that doesn’t mean you have to spoil your future generations. you have no right to alter the genes of your forefathers

    • Kyanimal

      Really? you gotta be a giant idiot if you think there are not people with the a different race in europe. I would smack you If I could.

  • http://crazy monica

    I date white men only n i married one but I’ve been this way since 17 my first crush was a white guy at 11. I’m pretty,slim,natural hair, wm love me but color doesn’t make them better though. Most did say they couldn’t believe i found wm to be attractive but i do. I love the pretty eyes n soft skin ,my twin boys are handsome. Black men try to get w me but most have kids on childsupport,criminal records,or mentally abusive. Not all but some i rejected

  • hahahah

    marry a fat sheboon you fucking apes!

    • Kyanimal

      I would smack you too! This is why white people hate each other and have no way actually comming together. We are a disgrace to the human race but hey we love war and killing each other….

  • Sandra

    Black women are not even a competion.

    The most of them look like dudes so no not worried at all.

    As a white European woman I would never date a black guy simply not attracted . As far as women go I could never be jelous . No offence but there’s no competition.

    • RP37

      There really are no words for this astounding comment.

      I agree that there is no competition – because you are insane.

      Pro tip: you may wish to explore an amazing invention known as "spell check."

      • Kyanimal

        Well you havent seen my beautiful ebony queen who would fucking put you to shame! Just tell once how to post a picture on here!