Is it Ok for Committed Men to LIKE Other Women?

PhotoShop3

On the Internet, looks and everything else are deceiving.

Last week, I wrote a post on 10 Tips Happily Married Men gave me on marriage. Of those 10 tips, only one received any significant amount of push back from mostly women readers. That was the following tip:

Accept that other women are still attractive. This theme came up a few times. You’re beautiful and he loves you, BUT there are other women in the world he might, from time to time, find attractive. A quote from one friend sums it up best, “space is #1, a good wife isn’t smothering, she’s confident enough to let her man hit the streets and follow Draya on Instagram.”

Let’s be clear, these men weren’t advocating for letting your husband blatantly disrespect you by actively pursuing other women on social media or beyond. Still, you should be confident and trustworthy enough to know that just because he “LIKES” a picture on Facebook/Instagram or RTs some cute woman on Twitter, doesn’t mean he’s secretly plotting to run off with that woman the second you turn your back.

A few women couldn’t co-sign the idea that their man would (or should be allowed to) find women attractive outside of the relationship. Some went as far as to suggest that it’s never ok for a committed man to find other women attractive. Keeping with the modern age, some women thought a committed man shouldn’t be on any social media websites – and if he is, he definitely shouldn’t follow any scantily clad women or hit the LIKE button on their respective photos. I found this interesting, so here we are today…

To be clear, I think any man that says he stops finding women beyond the limits of his own woman attractive when he is in a relationship is a liar. To me, that’s like saying when you own an umbrella, you become oblivious to when it rains. If such a man exist, I’ve never met him. Do I know faithful men? I do. Do I know any men that don’t find beautiful women attractive simply because they’re in a committed relationship? I do not.

Be careful what you're LIKE-ing out there.

Be careful what you LIKE, bro.

Now to be fair, I think we must honestly assess the environment in which Internet photos exist. If Catfish and @BootyForensics – a Twitter handle dedicated to using “forensics” to decipher between authentic and altered photos – have taught us anything, it’s that objects on the Internet may appear larger than they are. They might also appear as highly misleading or outright fake. Many people, men and women, rely on altered photos to keep their supposedly real on-line accounts afloat. So, to the degree that women even want to compete with other women, to be forced by men – at least in their minds – to compete with women who are both physically and electronically altered is even more frustrating; even if more men than women give credit do realize that most of these photos are of physically and electronically altered women (not that we care). Even if the authenticity of the source is questionable, where does the line between casual observation and blatant disrespect of the relationship occur?

In my mind, Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and whatever other social media website your man frequents are merely modern age “men’s magazines.” Since men’s magazine’s have been around for decades, I’m not sure why the issue of men observing attractive women outside of their relationship is surprising to anyone, man or woman. I can only assume that all these recent debates are caused by the introduction of the LIKE button.

Back in the day, a man’s lustful ambitions of grandeur were generally contained to himself, social circle, local barber shop, or wherever groups of men gathered outside the earshot of their spouses. However, no thanks to the LIKE-button, now a man’s likes and preferences are suddenly available for all to observe and judge. It’s not the fact that today’s modern committed men like attractive women any more than their past counterparts, it’s the fact that their partner (and their partner’s friends) know the exact type and number of women these so-called committed men LIKE. As the saying goes, “the game done changed.”

A couple weeks ago, I witnessed an awkward conversation unfold on Twitter when someone pointed out that one man had a penchant for posting pictures of models that looked nothing like – and in many cases, the exact opposite of – his current girlfriend. Is it somehow more disrespectful for your man to gloat and share his superficial preferences with the world if those preferences don’t mirror or outright conflict with your own physical attributes? Is it somehow better if he fawns over women that have features similar to your own or it it always disrespectful for a man to knowingly LIKE a woman that is not you?

@BootyForensics

The Catfish scandal is real.

Since I’m not a particularly jealous person, I’m probably not the best source for on-line etiquette classes. I generally don’t care what the woman in my life is doing as long as whatever she is doing doesn’t involve doing other men, but I imagine there are men who are genuinely bothered by the idea of their significant other LIKE-ing photos of other men. In my mind, using a social media site how it’s designed (e.g. Instagram’s, a website I personally use, main purpose is to share and LIKE photos) isn’t some unspoken testament to how I do or do not feel towards the woman I have in my life or the woman I’m randomly viewing and LIKE-ing. I think people might be reading too much into the various LIKE buttons of life.

On the other hand, it’s not like you have to LIKE everything you come across, fellas. It’s ok to window shop from time-to-time. As one woman explained to me (paraphrasing):

Women know our men find other women attractive, so following a number of attractive women on-line is fine; it’s the equivalent of seeing hot women on the street. But, going out of your way to LIKE every scantily clad photo random women posts is like breaking your neck in front of your woman in real life. That’s where men, knowingly or unknowingly, cross the line of respect versus disrespectful.

A crazier, far simpler solution might simply be to ask your partner. If they voice displeasure with how you conduct yourself on-line, then it’s up to you to decide if you’re going to change. If you don’t, you shouldn’t be surprised if or when they are upset. Of course, communication is a two-way street. It’s equally unfair to sit around upset by your partner’s on-line activities if they are unaware their activities even bother you. There’s no reason to wait around for a wayward LIKE to reveal you dis-like your man’s (or woman’s) on-line habits. The LIKE-button is a very powerful tool and with great power comes great responsibility. If you doubt your man (or woman) has the willpower to resist hitting LIKE on everything they like, maybe you should learn from Chief Keef’s example and explain to him (or her) “that’s that sh*t I don’t LIKE.”

Or, you could always block them.

How do you expect your partner to change their interactions with men/women on-line when they commit to you? Is it disrespectful for a committed man/woman to LIKE photos of another woman/man or is it no big deal?

From Our Partners

  • Smilez_920

    1) I agree with the quote you put in this article about over doing it. One or two likes won’t bother me but if I find out you took the time to go through all 900 of this women’s pictures and like them, or if you make disrespectful comments under her pics like ” If you were my girl I’d suck the fart out ya butt ” or just something out of pocket, then that’s an issue.

    2) I expect my partner to respect the same boundaries he would want me to respect while on-line. Don’t do things online that you know you wouldn’t want me to do. And don’t try to pull the ” I don’t care what you do” act because there are boundaries that you wouldn’t want me to cross on a public forum.

    3) I wouldn’t have a problem with my man liking or retweeting a few booty pics of some model. But don’t get crazy. It’s ok to just admire and not retweet / comment. I understand that my man finding another woman attractive doesn’t mean he’s not attracted to me. But be respectful don’t have your virtual tongue drooling and tail waging online. Especially if your not dealing with the booty forensics models and your going crazy over the new fine girl at your job pictures .

    4) I can see women not being mad at the booty forensics account, but I think women feel a little more disrespected when you go crazy on line over a woman you have access too ( co worker, another woman she may know etc…)

    • Candi

      LMAO @ " suck the fart out ya butt"… #dead

  • BrandonB

    Good points in the article. Yeah, I couldn’t believe the push back that so many women had against that point. Its like they had no idea that this is, and always will be happening. Men find women beautiful…even if they’re with a wonderful woman…even if they’re *married* to a wonderful woman. Doesn’t mean they don’t respect and love the wonderful woman.

    Some women commented things about not letting their man have that temptation. Ha. Red flag city. You think by your man looking at a picture of a half naked chick he’s gonna run out and try to find one of those instead of the real woman he’s got right in front of him? To me that could mean a lot of things but they all have to do with the woman’s insecurities. Maybe

    1) you don’t trust him because you’re paranoid (not a good sign for your relationship)

    2) you don’t trust him because he’s actually been unfaithful in the past (not a good sign for your relationship)

    3) you don’t think you’re giving him anything more than random fine internet chick can give him (terrible sign for your relationship)

    In any case, you’ve got some self examination to do to work that out. And if you can’t…why are you in a relationship with someone you don’t trust?

    • Smilez_920

      True. I also think what a lot of women ( an even men) won’t admit is that they monitor their partners social network. While a lot of things will show up on your partners / your public timeline. I think some women with their mans twitter/fb/ Instagram to see who he’s talking to/ retweeting . Thy dig and then get mad and try to turn a mole hill into a mountain.

    • nyssa

      but it's hard to trust someone who makes it difficult for you to trust him completely. specially when he already mentioned something accidentally that he'd be honored to see other women's sacred things when it's showed! even if he's already committed to you!

  • DeKeLa

    This question in and of itself is ridiculous. Are there no more real men out here, that this topic actually NEEDS to be written about?'

    I could write a rant, but I'll leave it at this. If you have this problem at home, please grow a pair.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      In 2011, Facebook was listed in a third of all divorce filings. The on-line / real-life relationship struggle is real brother.

    • Uncle Hugh, BP

      DeKeLa: "Are there no more real men out here, that this topic actually NEEDS to be written about?"

      This. I understand not being out of order with it, but getting upset over liking a picture of someone?

      When you see her phone number programmed in my phone or her name on several messages in my e-mail inbox, we can talk.

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    I was entertaining a lady friend the other day, somehow she ended up with my remote and turned it to Love & Hip Hop. I proceeded to not pay much attention to it and more on her, a part came where Tahiry walked away and the gloriousness that is her derierre followed. I happened to glance at the screen and I felt something stinging, it was the sideeye from hell. She did what most women to try to knock her down a few notches, she’s not that pretty, it’s prolly fake, whatever don’t kill my vibe.

    It was silly for her to even be tossing shade cuz we not that deep because if it was Idris Elba or Aaron Hernandez she’d be chilling. Now my ladyfriend is no Tahiry, but for her to act like I can’t be attracted to both of them is as silly as someone ordering buffalo wings and people assuming they don’t eat plain.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      It’s nice to look at but from what I’ve seen, I’d say Tahiry has more of a fat @ss than a phat @ass. From my observations, the former don’t have the longevity of the latter. Although I do hope she…keeps it tight.

  • nayonowen

    being realistic, when i am with my man, and i see a huge bulge in another man's pants i cant help to look. Especially if i see well defined arms and chest on a brother i almost swoon (lol). I am quite sure when he sees a big booty or huge breasts he looks. Now as long as there is no direct eye contact, too long looks or oogling i am fine. Men are visual creatures and so am I.
    Now for liking on facebook, he isnt on. Yea, lol.

    • oh ok…

      exactly!

  • https://www.facebook.com/AnthonyBrianLogan Anthony Brian Logan

    it's not cheating unless you have sex and thats it

  • DMarioIsajerk

    "Liking" a photo versus commenting "I would lick the farts off the back pockets of your jeans" is a big thing. I don't care if my wife likes a photo of a guy. its a photo.

    this article works in reverse as well. cause all you gotta say to a sista now a days is "idris"

    • http://dark-dream.com/ Vampire Jewelry

      I really enjoyed the quality information you offer to your visitors for this blog. I will bookmark this page for my future reference. Thanks!
      My recent post Bague dorée dragon chinois vintage – 25,00 €

  • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

    Since I’m seeing a pattern early on, I have a couple follow-up questions:

    Fellas, in your experience, are the women in your life more pressed about your on-line activities as it pertains to random on-line women than you are?

    Ladies, keep the men honest, do men stress over how you conduct yourself on-line in your experience or are the fellas just playing it cool on here?

    • SMilez_920

      Men don’t stress as much, but they have their limits as well. For example I’m sure none of the men on here would want their woman posting half naked/sext pictures of herself on instagram/twitter. I’m sure you would take notice if you constantly seen her tweeting (to her general timeline) out of pocket things that don’t make her look that great in public, only for her to say to you “It’s just twitter”. We all expect our partners to respect us in public; people often forget that social networking sites are public. The booty models pics don’t make phase me, as far as my “boo” commenting on girls we may both know or in our social setting, be respectful and remember even if I don’t see it people we know will, and that's when the bs starts (he said/she said) and I don’t feel like hearing it. No different than a man not wanting his woman to be up in every dudes face in public even if she’s not “trying to get with him”.

  • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com/ madscientist7

    i really don't mind if my woman likes a dude's photo or even comments on it. i'll like photos every now and then also. they're photos. now if she was in some dude's dms and if dude's were in her dms then we would have a problem.
    My recent post The War on Christianity

    • Slim Jackson
      • http://biggerthomas.wordpress.com/ madscientist7

        lol i wouldn't even know if someone was in her DMs. i was speaking hypothetically.
        My recent post The War on Christianity

      • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

        This is funny BC I saw a Tweet from a recently married dude that said somethin like “empty DMs are the key to a happy home.”

        • krystllyght

          That is hilarious! My DMs stay empty so much I hardly realize it when I do get something.

        • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

          @Krys, same here. People always think I’m ignoring them but I get so few DMs I hardly even bother to check. Plus Twitter’s DM notice is weak as hell. That little blue button alert is weak sauce. Besides, altho I get very few DMs (a good thing), I view them like calls to the principal/manager’s office. “No good can come from this…”

          Just @ me, bro!

        • Bree

          I know I'm mad late, but whats a "DM"? I'm hardly ever on facebook and don't have twitter.
          I try to keep my social mediums fairly light.

  • cynicaloptmst81

    "Would I say or do this in front of him/her?" That question should keep you in good standing with your s/o.

    For me, liking a wholesome pic of any man/woman (except ex's and old boo's) is cool…and a polite comment is cool as well. Liking a bikini/speedo pic of a man/woman that is within your reach is unnecessary and, yes, disrespectful while in a relationship…commenting is worse.

    MY eyes still work so I still see fine men, lol. So, I wouldn't act like my man doesn't. I wouldn't even mind him commenting about a woman on TV or in passing to me…"Oh, she's pretty, don't you think so?" For as long as you aren't ogling, I'm cool.

    • Like_I_Said

      LOL yes.Why do you like the pic of her looking back at it vs the pic of her reading to the children at her local church? Admiring a face is one thing but admiring just a body shot is way too out of line for me,
      I had felt some annoyance and expressed it to my s/o over him liking a skanky "i need attention from males" type of pictures.I never really paid attention to his FB acct because I would get so many updates.One day I notice he liked a picture of a " looking back at my arched booty while im in the mirror holding up my camera phone pic" . I let him know that I do not have a problem with him finding women or their bodies attractive, but like their pics in your damn head NOT in a traceable way..He got it.

      When he was my fwb, he gave me his phone to use while at work because I had lost mine.He had a picture of a comically faced girl in his phone in a black tank and panties that he kept that dated back months before we even started dating.I saw the pic and did not care that he still had it because it was before me, he was not my bf, and because I knew my body pics were 1000x hotter LOL.He let me use his computer while I was at his house one day and I saw he created a folder dedicated to me and my body shots LOL.He even had face pics from my FB that he downloaded ( I have no body shots on there).The folder was kind of hidden and he had no other females on his comp.

  • http://inanimatethoughts.blogspot.com Animate

    Ya'll got me mad I missed the discussion on the post mentioned. There were really women saying men should no longer be attracted to other women when in a relationship? LIke for real? Do they stop being attracted to other men? I don't really need an answer there…

    But, everything has its limits and sites have privacy settings. I don't really have the problem presented but I don't really like and follow many pages like that anyway. I'll view it and keep it moving usually unless I find the picture to well done photography.
    My recent post My 2012 gaming year in review

  • Amy

    The problem is these women who complain about this issue 9/10 are missing and lacking affection from their spouse/SO. It's nothing wrong with finding other women attractive but when you have a women and you don't compliment or fawn over her like other women well that's a problem I think. We all know men are visual many many things can go on in a man's mind just from a look. Women from a very young age are taught that how much interest a man shows is based off how you LOOK. Society and everyone around us teaches us this.

    So i wonder why do men complain about this when if the table was turned they would have a problem with it. No a women should not be insecure, however if all your SO talked about was other men, looked at pics of other men, facebook, twitter other men how would you feel? Women are objectified but made to feel guilty about it?

    Yes the issue lies with the persons SO but I know plenty of FB messages that has caused problems in marriages. Why? Women get on FB and look up people they could've. would've, should've. You and your SO have to draw the line for your relationship. Which is why I think marriage should go back to being business arrangements and not for love. Marriage is difficult with social Media.

    • SMilez_920

      I agree with everything but the last part. Social Media doesn’t make marriage/relationships hard, people do, and they use social media as a tool to do something they wanted to do.

      But your first paragraph is on point in some cases. Sometimes it ticks me when guys say “It’s just a picture; I’m not doing anything I’m coming home to you”. While that may be all well and good, the attention and things you show another woman, even if you aren’t going to make a move on her, I’m going to notice especially if you don’t pay that type of attention to me. Not saying you have to call me beautiful everyday, but some of these issues come up in relationships (even if the man isn’t trying to cheat) when a woman notices he’s paying attention to other women and taking his woman’s attention for granted.

      however if all your SO talked about was other men, looked at pics of other men, facebook, twitter other men how would you feel? Women are objectified but made to feel guilty about it? <– plus 1

    • krystllyght

      “It’s nothing wrong with finding other women attractive but when you have a women and you don’t compliment or fawn over her like other women well that’s a problem I think.”

      I can agree with this. I’d definitely feel the sting of that and have something to say.

  • Streetz

    You cant deny your natural nature to find people attractive. How overt and open you are with your "appreciation" within the context of a respectable relationship will matter more, to me.

    I know women who fawn over celebs. It is what it is. be you. Have confidence in self.

    • amy

      Yeah women fawn over celebs but not more than they do the men in their life. And while yes you should be confident if your SO thinks you crossed the line then you did.

      • Streetz

        thats a matter of opinion (re fawning) and I agree that there is a respect issue as well.

      • larnelw

        I draw objection with this. I believe women simply keep the thoughts in their heads to themselves. Same way a single woman will see a man she likes but not let on to it with much more then a brief glance. Same for when in a relationship but noticing another man that you all find attractive. You will notice but you will never let on to it.

  • Amy

    I agree with that

  • krystllyght

    I don’t see myself caring about this. Then again my hubs doesn’t really hang out online so maybe I’d have to be in the situation to know if I’d really care. We got married on April 5, 2004. He didn’t also go blind that day. I know that I can compliment another person without jumping their bones and I have no doubt he can do the same. If you feel like you have to monitor every click of his mouse or turn of his head why are you even with him?

    • Like_I_Said

      lol @ he didn't go blind. But yea montioring is too much work I will leave that to big brother.

  • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

    This topic is always funny (ironic) to me. I find it funny that women will get up in arms about their man finding another woman attractive, especially if the other women look NOTHING like them. Yet, women find other men attractive, will comment on it (sometimes) and IF their man says something, HE’S insecure. Maybe the ones upset about their Him finding another lady attractive are just as insecure? I know there is a respect factor if ole boy goes overboard, but let’s be real. There were probably women that were more attractive as well as less before he hooked up with his current. In one regard, that MAY reflect on the current woman, but for the most part it doesn’t. It should give any man’s current woman a more nuanced. understanding that their man likes different types of women.

    As far as social media goes, its best to lay them ground rules IF a dating situation arises to relationship. It status. Both parties have to COMMUNICATE likes and dislikes in regards to pictures. Something else thag would help? Acknowledgment that it’s okay to appreciate another’s form.

    Oh yeah, that would mean people have to be adult about relationships. *head smack*

  • http://bitchujusmad.com Cara Mia

    I wish I could have responded to this earlier, as I fear some of the points I may make will be redundant, but I am married and I don't particularly care for my spouse having a lot of female friends, taking pictures with other women on social networks, or liking/following a lot of single, under dressed women.

    You asked this general question on twitter, and I saw the RT and wish I had directed some of my input to you, but for me, communication is changing drastically among human beings. The simple "hey whats up" that used to be a standard, in person greeting, can now be sent to a friend in another time zone or country. Social media is becoming a much more routine and normal form of communication.

    That said, I think of it like this: My spouse follows a woman on instagram and sees pictures she posts daily/bi-weekly. Its like him seeing a young woman he finds attractive in his office or work building a few times a week. Am I ok with him expressing his approval/appreciation of her appearance in person whenever he sees her? Absolutely not. So its not any different for me online. If every time Susie Screw posts herself in a tight skirt, you turn around and like it? Its just like you walking up to her in that outfit and saying the same thing to me. And that's not ok.

    I definitely do not think that my spouse is automatically Ray Charles to other women. Even Ray Charles wasn't Ray Charles to other women while he was married. I think any healthy, redblooded person is going to occasionally find someone else attractive. But when you're married to me, you no longer have the freedom to express that in the same way a single person can. Thus, LIKES have to be few and far between.
    My recent post Take Your Ball and Go Home

    • amy

      But when you're married to me, you no longer have the freedom to express that in the same way a single person can. Thus, LIKES have to be few and far between. Yes! This sums it up.

      You want the benefits of marriage but none of the limitations.

    • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

      I definitely do not think that my spouse is automatically Ray Charles to other women. Even Ray Charles wasn’t Ray Charles to other women while he was married. This is hilarious to me because when I watched the movie, I commented to my boy afterwards that Ray was a pimp. Anyway, to the topic at hand…

      My main take-a-way has been to have a discussion of what defines “line stepping” because people have far varying definitions. For example, I can’t apply the “do onto others rule” in most cases because my jealousy bar is far lower than most of the women I date. So if I did things that didnt bother me, that doesn’t mean it won’t bother them. Most times, when committed, I generally just tone down the flirting and blatedness of my actions. I won’t pretend I don’t find other women attractive, but I won’t throw it in her face either – whatever that entails, whether its as simple as reducing the frequency in which I use LIKE or whatever. I personally don’t see the big deal but my father taught me long ago “if the woman in your life isn’t happy, NO ONE IS GONNA BE HAPPY.” I’m risk adverse. If not hitting a LIKE-button will increase the peace in my life, then I just won’t do it, even if I don’t understand it. If other men want to fight that battle, I wish them 1000 years of success. For me, “women are meant to be loved, no understood.” – Oscar Wilde. If I know something bothers (or has the potential to) the woman in my life, and it’s not a big deal to me, I just won’t do it rather than trying to impose my will on her. That said, perhaps coincidentally, my last few serious relationships have been with women who either don’t use or don’t care about using social media. The Lord works in mysterious ways.

    • larnelw

      "But when you're married to me, you no longer have the freedom to express that in the same way a single person can. Thus, LIKES have to be few and far between."

      Quite true. I don't mind if my wife likes another man's picture. But don't let it be some ol Muscle and Fitness cover model, looking like he been doing P90x since birth, standing there in speedos pic. I understand she might see it but "Like" that in your mind ONLY. Don't be documenting it for him and all his followers to know. I know that the rule I generally follow for myself. I may see a pic of a woman and be like "Oh My Damn!!!!!". But trust no finger or footprints shall be left behind.

      • cynicaloptmst81

        "But trust no finger or footprints shall be left behind."

        It's those fingers and footprints that get people in trouble.

        If it can be misconstrued in any way, either don't post/send it or DELETE! DELETE! DELETE! Lol…

      • pia

        very beautifully said. Thats the attitude of a real sane guy, who likes to keep himself happy and his better half too. keep it up dude. :)

  • Mr SoBo

    I find it rather interesting that there are many individuals that get up in arms about things as trivial such as this. I find insecurity and questionable self esteem to be the root of the uproar should someone take issue with their s/o finding another human being attractive. It is asinine to believe that once in a relationship, one's sight & personal tastes magically disappear.

    This is not a man issue obviously, because it is worth noting that women too fawn over other men just as much as men fawn over other women. Nothing surprising there, but it is worth mentioning to point out that its simply being a 'normal' human being. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a healthy attraction to someone else. Its inevitable & unavoidable. It only becomes problematic once simple harmless appreciation of another's aesthetic appeal evolves into obsession, lust and disrespectful comparisons to his/her s/o.

    Cyber stalking is real. Even if it's your s/o. Insecurity runs rampant in these streets, and social media outlets has heightened it to levels of irrational paranoia. Mad over a 'like' button? Really doh? -_-
    My recent post All Gold Everything: What Type of Man Are You (Dating)?

  • Alana R

    When I got married one of main things I stressed to my husband was that I didn't want him to feel like he couldn't be human anymore.Stuff like this really isn't a big deal to me.My husband watches Love and Hip Hop with me and I know he's checking out @ss and I'm not bothered by it.I guess I'm just cool like that.Many times I comment on women too.If we're out and we see a good looking woman we'll check her out.We'll joke about it and laugh.I know he'd do Meagan Good if he had a chance and he grazes through Rosa Acosta pics on occasion and he knows I'll be watching Chicago Bulls games again when Derrick Rose comes back and that I don't watch Stomp the Yard all the time because it touches my soul.It's all in fun to us. Maybe it's because I have a disgusting ass to waist ratio myself and don't feel the least bit insecure or maybe because I'm just an arrogant biotch—who knows!Either way he's respectful and so am I.It helps us keep a little of ourselves…

  • bellatrice1

    I am dating a grown ass man who cannot refrain from letting me know that a woman he sees on tv or whatever is sexy or fine as hell. I thought this was common sense and tact to refrain from blatantly lusting after another woman in front of your date, gf or spouse. Do that around your boys, not me. I have no problem with him finding other women attractive, but don't throw it in my face!
    My recent post Memo to HR: You Still Don't Know Me

    • Mr SoBo

      I agree. It is rather distasteful and disrespectful to constantly alert your s/o of your lustful admiration for another. Especially when considering the corrosive effects it has on his/her self esteem. Definitely not cool.
      My recent post All Gold Everything: What Type of Man Are You (Dating)?

      • bellatrice1

        He tries to act like I'm just sensitive, but I don't know any woman that thinks that's ok.
        My recent post The Year of the Lion

        • Smielz_920

          He's just being a jerk. Start doing that to him, next time your walking past an attractive guy say " dang he looks like he got a tree trunk for a third leg" or watching tv" Emm I wouldn't mind sitting on his face" and then look your boo right back in his face… and if he catches a attitude tell him to stop being sensitive.

          (Or drop him which every one works best)

        • bellatrice1

          Thanks girl. His days are numbered. I'll be going with option #2 lol
          My recent post Memo to HR: You Still Don't Know Me

    • pia

      hahahahahah…thats the spirit girl :)

  • amaris79

    All I want to know is if men would not mind their women trolling pictures and "liking" them, or other men posting "likes" and comments on their woman's pages.
    Also, I really, really don't care if you like every picture available of Rosa Acosta. Her livelihood and paycheck depend on you "liking" what you see and consuming her material. She looks that way on purpose and gets paid to do so.
    I've got a BIG problem with you liking every one of say, my co-worker's pics on Facebook, Jody. I'm MUCH more concerned with your feelings regarding a woman with whom a connection can actually OCCUR. Curb that ish and get back on Instagram.

    • amaris79

      HOWEVER, if I never hear about your queen, but CONSTANTLY hear about Tahiry? SUSPECT. Your woman's gonna start thinking she's your pity lay. I remember once being on vacation and hearing this man go on and on about this woman's frame and legs, etc, to us over dinner, all, "look at her in that dress!" ish….surprised as hell when the woman came up and kissed him-because that was his WIFE. Your woman wants to be desired , "liked" and bragged about, too y'know…But apparently your 'presence' is enough for her to know that there is really where you want to be, of course. -_-

    • Mr SoBo

      The reality is that a man's woman will always find other men attractive. An inescapable reality of life. Likewise, other men will always find said man's woman attractive as well, and voice their attraction via comments on her social media pictures. What can one do about that? Consider this; if the comments are not made, does it negate the existence of attraction? Ignorance can be bliss to some I guess.
      This is no different than walking down the street with your woman as other men will undoubtedly look her way, and more than likely turn around to get a better look at her @ss after the two of you have passed. Its gonna happen, and we all know it does. I consider that the real life equivalent of 'liking'. It's life. What can you do?
      My recent post All Gold Everything: What Type of Man Are You (Dating)?

      • http://www.singleblackmale.org/author/wisdomismisery/ WisdomIsMisery

        +1

        Plus men aren’t or shouldn’t be dumb. I know the type of woman I’m getting with. If she’s a Rosa Accosta or #ThirstTrap Goddess, I can’t get mad if she continues to Rosa Accosta, Thirst Trap Goddess type things and random dudes lust after her as a result. Honestly, if no man is lusting after my woman I’m going to feel strange. I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but if NO ONE agrees with me, I’m going to feel like I need to get my eyes checked. As I said in the post, as long as these random men / my woman aren’t crossing the on-line line to the off-line line I just “charge it to the game”

        • Mr SoBo

          …as long as these random men / my woman aren't crossing the on-line line to the off-line line I justcharge it to the game".
          Pretty much. Great article by the way.
          My recent post All Gold Everything: What Type of Man Are You (Dating)?

        • larnelw

          "Honestly, if no man is lusting after my woman I'm going to feel strange"

          So glad to hear someone else other than me verbalize this. I never have understood why someone gets upset because another person is checking out there mate. What man wants to be with a woman that no other man would even pay attention to? Who wants to know that he/she is with their mate because no one else wanted them?

        • MaggK

          "I know beauty is in the eye of the beholder but if NO ONE agrees with me, I'm going to feel like I need to get my eyes checked"

          I am in tears… LMAO!

    • MaggK

      "Her livelihood and paycheck depend on you "liking" what you see and consuming her material."

      I died… LMAO!!!

  • Bree

    "Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and whatever other social media website your man frequents are merely modern age “men’s magazines.”" I wholeheartedly concur with this statement.
    How do you expect your partner to change their interactions with men/women on-line when they commit to you? The only thing I hope is that their online interactions become less important and secondary to me.
    Only foolish, childish and unrealistic women seriously expect their man to not desire any other woman once he's with her. And ironically, these same women will drool and keekee over Idris, Boris, Morris, men in Tyler Perry plays, gay and straight etc etc etc. You can't expect someone else to do something you can't realistically and humanly do yourself. If your with a man that isn't that checking out and remotely interested in women who even you as a woman can clearly see are absolutely gorgeous from head to toe, then you may wanna get your "gaydar" way up.

  • Bree

    Is it disrespectful for a committed man/woman to LIKE photos of another woman/man or is it no big deal?
    Of course it's no big deal. It's absolutely ludicrous to think a man is supposed to become deaf, dumb, and blind to other attractive women. Much as many of us don't like to think it, no matter how good you look and how good you are at certain things there will always be somebody, somewhere, better looking and better at certain things than you. There are women who look better than Beyonce and Kim K. At any rate, as Krys stated upthread, if your constantly stressing over who your man is looking at and attracted to then either the woman has some serious trust issues that need to be addressed independent of the man; and/or you have good reason to not trust the man your with. In the end it all flips back to the woman as to why she is with the man in the first place. I love how folks can be rendered speechless when you ask them common sense questions that they should know the answers to, but don't.

  • Chocolate Vent

    "It's nothing wrong with finding other women attractive but when you have a women and you don't compliment or fawn over her like other women well that's a problem I think."

    I have to co-sign on that as well. If you men spend as much attention to the woman you actually are with, then you expressing "admiration" for other women wouldn't be as big of an issue. Also, put the shoe on the other foot. Would you like it if we did this to you? I doubt….

    Yeah, my ex had this thing for Kerry Washington (I have NO clue why – not at all cute to me). I know that beauty is subjective, but it bothered me because I look nothing like her. It seemed contradictory to find me & her attractive at the same time. To this day I can't watch the TV show Deception. *smh*

    • larnelw

      I think you are (or were) looking too much into your ex's thing for Kerry Washington. First off you have to get past the idea that any man has just one type. You can easily find 3, 4, 5 or more different types of women attractive at the same time.

      • Smilez_920

        Sometimes women take things personal, which have nothing to do with them. While some men have a specific type, most men have one type in common which is “Pretty/beautiful women”. With that being said a man can find Kerry Washington pretty and Paula Patton and Jlo all beautiful and fine at the same time.

        But I agree with the fawning over part. Even the most confident woman likes a complement or visible admiration from her partner. Mr. Heaxtuable swooned over many women that Claire Heaxtuable would say are beautiful, but he never stopped calling Claire beautiful or fawning over her. (yes I referenced the Cosby show, I probably spelled their last names wrong)

  • larnelw

    In a relationship, men and women will ALWAYS find others attractive. From my past experience women seem to love to lie about this and act as if once in a relationship they have gone blind to the rest of the world's male populous. Why that is so sweet of you ladies we are not nearly stupid enough to believe that. I look at it like being in an art museum. I have art at home but that doesn't mean I can't admire what I see in the museum. I simply know that I am not to touch it or attempt to bring any of it home lol.
    As for social networking, if your spouse can't have one because you are scared they may cheat then your relationship has much bigger issues that need addressing. A cheater will cheat whether they are on FB, IG, Twitter or not. Your attempts to stop them are useless.
    As for conduct…if you see someone post a picture just looking like IT, "Like" it in your head ONLY. Ain't no reason for you to be publicizing to them or the word that you checking them out. Even my wife agrees with and has said this. Same for comments. You in a relationship so why you need to tell someone how sexy you think they looking in their pic? Again, say that in your head ONLY.

    • SMilez_920

      "As for conduct…if you see someone post a picture just looking like IT, "Like" it in your head ONLY. Ain't no reason for you to be publicizing to them or the word that you checking them out. "<—- this

      People act like Twitter/FB/Instagram are'nt public sites that everyone can see. Just like you want your woman to carry herself in regards to how she deals with other men in public, your woman expects you to do the same on these social networks. I dont care about you hitting the "like button" but be mindful of how you respond publicly to these photos. I'm not going to clock your account either, when I see people at the stage in their relationship, there's an issue.

  • Laney

    lol. Dormtainment guys have a whole video about not liking chicks' pics and they are pretty serious about it in real life. It's hilarious actually. And more reasons why they are cool people. Obvious solution, don't date people that 'like' pics. Kidding… kind of.

    I don't have fb/twitter/IG. I tend to date guys that don't really rock with them either. Sooo, I pretty much skate through these fb/twitter/IG problems.

    But in real life, I tend to keep the attraction to other people pretty light and jokey. Anytime someone else is found attractive, it usually turns into something we end up laughing about. I think as long as no one becomes blatantly disrespectful and as long as the partner is reassured in some way, all should be ok.

  • MaggK

    "The on-line / real-life relationship struggle is real brother"
    It's real but people are making it hard for themselves… I mean you know what the limits are… I can't have a convo about "ok i won't tolerate this type of comments because it's disrespectful"… You're supposed to know when you are crossing the line! We can't be arguing about pictures now… I refuse!!!

  • TmD

    As a newlywed my wife and I had our share of text/fb drama (self inflicted, old boo's, etc.) while we were dating. We decided a long time ago that "social networks are what YOU make them". We have not had any issues or "created" any issues since then.

  • Airman82

    Answer is simple.

    DON'T FOLLOW EACH OTHER ON ANY social networking site.

    Woman I date, I will not ask for their insta,fb,twitter or pinterest. Maybe their pinterest, as I find little cultural nuances like food and art and photos sexy. But aside from that. NOPE. Miss me with that follow sh*t.

    I do not want to know. Need to know or CARE TO KNOW.

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  • goldenflowers

    IG/FB/twitter should only be used by young , single and business people period. If you are married, then stay the fuck away from social media cause temptation is a serious decease!LOL no-matter how much u tell urself/and your spouse that, "oh that pic i liked of that man or girl on social media means nothing"…..is BS!. FAct is, as long as you continue to visit and like that person pics everyday, you will eventually develop an enfatuation for that person sooner than later, thus resulting in some kind of cheating!!!

  • Lissa

    Interesting comments. I really do think there is a difference between watching Love and Hip Hop and admiring women or some other booty model. That in itself honestly wouldn't bother me. What would bother me is a woman that my s/o has no connection to that lives an hour away follows him and he in turn follows her back. Something like that would really make me uncomfortable. I don't know of any men that would be comfortable with a man reaching out to his woman that way.

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    Since [email protected] cast a love spell for me, things are going great in my marriage life. my husband who was cheating on me is now a loyal and dedicated man. I’m glad he came back to me after the break up with him because I love him from the bottom of my heart, but without Dr. Stanly help, all of this couldn't happen or even be possible. It is the first time I am using the service of a spell caster and even if I was a bit skeptical at first, I highly recommend his service to people like me who need help in their marriage problem. Swata

  • APMG

    I don’t find it wrong that him thinking that other women are attractive. However I do have a problem with him acting on those feelings in any way. That 1 second he takes to compliment a woman, he could be using to compliment you and feeding the relationship it’s necessary nutrients.

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  • jessica22

    EVERY RELATIONSHIP IS DIFFERENT and situations play out very different apart.. if both have an instagram and a facebook and the man is always liking pictures of females half way naked with amazing bodies, and the girlfriend is on a goal to lose weight.. that can really effect the relationship. of course its not cheating but it will cause nothing but insecurities.
    AS FAR AS LIKING PICTURES(both way) unless its mutual or you know its not going to cause any kind of problems I don't understand what is the NEED TO HAVE TO LIKE? all that does is create attention.. unnecessary attention..one if its a model and WORST IF THE PERSON LOCAL
    The social networks we get on our daily days are not how they used to be and neither are the people.. things are much easier to have..and beautiful ones men and women

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  • penny

    It is ok for a comitted man to think another woman is attractive and like their picture. If she was mila kunis, or someone famous like that. But it becomes a problem when the man starts killing other womens pictures that he may come across or lives in the same town. If I was the girl that pictures we’re getting liked by the guy I seen at a bar or something and he kept liking my pictures or like several in a row. I would think that guy is trying to catch my attention….

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  • mshweez

    I try to not get upset but I can’t stop thinking about how my bf is letting other girls KNOW he thinks she’s sexy by liking all thier pics. Its not like I go do that to guys I know. I’d feel weird and stupid letting other guys think I’m still looking at them when I have a man, and I think it would make him look stupid too. He doesnt want me doing that. They don’t need my attention. And I understand he doesn’t see it like that the other way around for me but it hurts and idk why. I wish I didn’t care so bad… I think of it like what if my dad did that to my mom, like other women’s pictures of fb and ig? I’d think its creepy haha. Every man looks but just saying its kind of embarrassing when its on a public site of women they know or aquantances. I get confused when taken guys like my pictures, seems like they still looking.

  • mshweez

    I try to not get upset but I can’t stop thinking about how my bf is letting other girls KNOW he thinks she’s sexy by liking all thier pics. Its not like I go do that to guys I know. I’d feel weird and stupid letting other guys think I’m still looking at them when I have a man, and I think it would make him look stupid too. He doesnt want me doing that. They don’t need my attention. And I understand he doesn’t see it like that the other way around for me but it hurts and idk why. I wish I didn’t care so bad… I think of it like what if my dad did that to my mom, like other women’s pictures of fb and ig? I’d think its creepy haha. Every man looks but just saying its kind of embarrassing when its on a public site of women they know or aquantances. I get confused when taken guys like my pictures, seems like they still looking.