A Man Complains: We Only Communicate Through Text

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I said CALL me back, not TEXT me back!

I said CALL me back, not TEXT me back!

I’ve already covered modern men who are too dependent on technology to bother formally courting, but what happens when a woman is too dependent on texting to talk? I address this conundrum in my latest for BadOnlineDates.com:

The Male POV: I’m Dating an Over-Texter

Many of you may be asking, “Wait…a man can dislike texting? But, don’t men hate talking on the phone?” Men hate talking on the phone too much, but that doesn’t mean the opposite is we prefer never being able to talk to you. Now you may be asking yourself, “what makes a woman an over-texter?” The answer is simple. If your partner thinks you text too much, then you text too much. This isn’t a debate! If you don’t think you text too much, but your partner disagrees, then you, my friend, are wrong. Deciding you’re an over-texter or not isn’t a democracy. The only question that matters is are you going to do anything about it?

I noticed that the older I got, the more I dated over-texters. Perhaps not coincidentally, these over-texters tended to come in the form of women younger than myself. How much younger is not important! It’s only important for you to know they were younger. Maybe this is nothing more than the hands of karma reaching out from my past to punish me through a text-ladden relationship with a cute, younger woman I likely had no business dating anyway. In my youth, I remember dating a woman a few years my senior – although not quite a cougar – who informed me that she didn’t have an “unlimited text plan and she preferred talking on the phone.” I responded as any reasonable 20-something-year-old male would. I immediately cut off all contact. “No unlimited text plan?! Talk…like…on the phone? WHAT IS THIS THE 90s?! TEXTING IS TALKING!!!” was all I could think to myself while deleting her phone number.

Here I am now, many years later albeit only moderately wiser, finally able to appreciate how annoying it is to date an over-texter. You know it’s bad when you call to talk and she responds with a text, “you called?” YES, I called! To a normal person this would indicate that I want to TALK not TEXT. However…read more.

WIM SigHave you ever dated or are currently dating an over-texter? You poor, poor soul, how do you cope? Has a partner’s dependence on text messages lead to the untimely demise of an otherwise good relationship? Are all forms of communication created equal, which makes texting the same as talking on the phone?

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From Our Partners

  • MaggK

    Ahahahahah damn you really hate us!!! I text so much when people call me i'm surprised!!! The thing about talking on the phone is that i'm 100% sure it's killing my productivity. I could be doing so many things but here i am talking on the phone… -_-'… Can't we just text and then talk when i'll see you? :$

    • GirlSixx

      +100000000

      I still don’t see what’s the issue, we still communicating!!!!! *smh*

      • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

        don’t be texting me as u prepare dinner for the next ninja, don’t u do it

        • Bree

          lol…Tell Em Trist!

        • MaggK

          AHAHAHAHAH too funny!!!
          That's the thing though… texting ain't no cheating!!!

  • oh ok…

    I actually like texting…but I will say that over time it can get boring.
    ***I remember a guy I once dated that would do crazy text rants…dude was insane! I would just let him vent & try to think of ways of escape! Thank Jesus thats over…smh!(Sorry, Just thought of that a$$hole!)***
    Anyway, back on topic…yea, texting is cool, but when you find "the right one" then the real thing is better!

  • Slim Jackson

    Honestly, just hit me on gchat or over email. Because real talk…

    AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT!
    My recent post Things You Should Know for an Interview

  • GirlSixx

    It Ain’t For Everybody!!! * shrug*

    Lolll.

  • EvolvingElle

    Dating an over-texter is one of the most annoying things ever! I pointed out to an old beau that I would rather he call as opposed to text. He said he would do better, and he did…for awhile. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last. But it wasn't just the texting.

    Texting me at work to ask how my day is going is cool. But texting me while you're sitting on the couch at 10 pm not doing anything is not hot. Pick up the phone, type in my name, let the phone ring, and let's have a conversation! UGH! A guy that only wants to text, and has horrible grammar, is a total turn-off. And if he's not willing to address his over-texting, that's probably going to be the end of us.

    • cynicaloptmst81

      YOUR SECOND PARAGRAPH IS AWESOME!!!!!

      …in all caps, LOL…

      • EvolvingElle

        LOL! Thank you! :)

  • http://stanoffewwords.wordpress.com Tristan

    I bore easily, overtexters become just another app to me. No different from twitter or ruzzle they’ll be days I’m really into it and others I’m not, don’t become another app. Also I think there’s something so non committing and convenient about texting, very rarely am I JUST texting you so I assume you aren’t either, ima need ur undivided attention.

    • Bree

      " ima need ur undivided attention" + a million on that one.
      Maybe it's the Leo in me, but I really feel you on that statement!

    • Starita34

      Perfectly said.
      Don't become just another app!

  • Peter Parker

    One of those hard lessons I had to learn. I was once an overtexter when it came to women I dated and if I can only turn back the hands of times (smh)..lol Oh well, you live and your learn right? I have definitely learned that if I am truly trying to engage in a serious relationship with a woman then it's in my best interest to not just call/answer my phone when I feel like it, but to actually let her know through verbal communication how interested I am in her.

  • Bree

    Have you ever dated or are currently dating an over-texter? Never Ever.
    You poor, poor soul, how do you cope? I don't.
    Has a partner’s dependence on text messages lead to the untimely demise of an otherwise good relationship? N/A
    Are all forms of communication created equal, which makes texting the same as talking on the phone?
    No texting and talking are 2 very different things. People who excessively text imo are lazy, extremely busy and your not really their priority, truly abhor talking on the phone, are communicating with you more during work hours or hours when they're otherwise occupied and are unable to talk. If the person will not make time to "talk" to you at some point in their day/nite, then that says a whole lot.
    Bottom line is people will do exactly what they want to do, what they don't want to do, they will not do.

  • Starita34

    PS WIM, this type of writing is my favorite from you.
    What type? Conversational? Rant? Real World Problems? Hilarious?
    I dunno, but I lub it.

  • Dr. J

    Articles like this go to show you that everyone is different. I also think that it's more about being regulated to a form of communication. It's one thing to have texting be your preferred or most optimal means of communication, but people get offended when that's not where they want to be and they're stuck there. That's when the dude or girl gets suspicious like, "well why can't we talk on the phone?"

  • Bree

    Doc J how do you "regulate someone to a form of communication" they don't want to be regulated to?
    Just curious.

    • The CPT

      I think he meant relegated.

  • http://glippost.wordpress.com Darrk Gable

    Before I got married, I was more talker than texter. Now, I’m more texter than talker. It’s only because I work weirder hours now, and it’s easier to tell my wife things I think about quickly, versus waiting until I get home, and run the risk of forgetting something.

  • http://www.OpinionatedMale.com Mr SoBo

    It is all related to the stage of life a person is in. If someone is looking to develop a meaningful connection with another, then it is more likely they will be interested in actual telephone conversation, and face to face interaction in addition to text.
    The reliance on text is an indicator that the individual is not particularly interested in connecting on a deeper level. Especially if they consistently insist on engaging in textversation than actual conversation.

    My recent post Reality TV: The Molly of the Millennium…and Why We’re All Sweatin’ Away Our Values

  • Donai

    How are you supposed to build anything of substance with another human being if you can't even interact with them on a personable level???

    I think a few texts every now and then is ok for light, fun, superficial stuff, but having a full-on conversation is not even worth the trouble. Just like WIM said, it leaves open too many opportunities for misunderstanding, and it takes more time than simply picking up the phone and talking to me. Plus, I can't take people who constantly text seriously for the fact that I feel like I'm moreso just another form of entertainment for them.

    I'm a busy person, and I want someone who's trying to make things happen just like me. We should be adding to each other, not taking away. A dude bothering me with text messages every hour takes away from my productivity at work, and it makes me question how seriously he takes his day-to-day life. If you're that in need of my attention, then take me to dinner.

  • nayonowen

    i enjoy talking instead of texting. with talking i can hear a person's personality: what makes them laugh (chuckle or huge laugh) how upset they are and how passionate their opinion is on any given topic. Also i find i can control a conversation over the phone or in person than texting. i believe people hide behind words and portray themselves to be different than who they really are.

  • http://www.ukashturkey.gen.tr ukash

    it is so good .. thanks

  • Molly

    I am an over bbm-er.. i admit it.. i really get surprised when a person calls me! Before i had a smart phone,wait- an internet enabled phone, i used to receive lots of call, but now with BBM.. let the thumbs do the talking! Besides you can only have telephone conversation at a time, but with BBM you can run various games #atthesamedamntime! #winning.

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  • zhamila

    i would love sex throughout text